Offering practical mindfulness instruction, tips, and resources to help take your legal mind from burdened to brilliant.
Author Archives: Claire E. Parsons
Claire E. Parsons is Of Counsel at Bricker Graydon Wyatt LLP in Cincinnati, Ohio. She has practiced for the last fifteen years in the areas of litigation, employment, local government law.
Claire is an active leader in her community and in the legal profession. She has led innovative charitable programs in her community, statewide legal organizations, committees relating to the promotion of women professionals. Claire is also a frequent writer and speaker for these and other organizations. She has published and spoken about numerous topics, ranging from complex legal issues, to law practice, networking and marketing, as well as mindfulness and wellness for lawyers and other professionals. She writes regularly on LinkedIn and even co-authored a book this year with 19 other women lawyers about how they used the platform to network and pursue career goals during the pandemic.
In 2013, Claire began a mindfulness practice early in her law career and as she was learning to be a new mom to her eldest daughter, Sophie. When Claire began the practice, she saw it gradually transform her life for the better by helping her to reduce overthinking, manage stress, and infuse compassion practices into her daily life. Over the next few years, she continued to study mindfulness practices and attend retreats.
In 2018, Claire began speaking and writing on these topics and she quickly became regarded as a resource for professionals as someone who can explain meditation practices in an approachable and practical way. She has completed more than 1000 hours of training to teach mindfulness and compassion, including meditation and a variety of other mind-body practices, including yoga, pranayama, and somatic healing. Claire has also authored two books, How to Be a Badass Lawyer and Mommy Needs a Minute. You can learn more and connect with her through the blog or on LinkedIn.
Join me on Saturday afternoon for a discussion of my book How to Be a Badass Lawyerht and Q&A session. This session is perfect for anyone interested in learning more about mindfulness and compassion, writing, or the process of crafting a book.
In particular, I will explain the title for the book and discuss the four practices I teach in it, including: breath, body awareness, joy, and loving-kindness.
This session is done in partnership with Yoga Specialists. It is free for anyone to join. Lawyers, professionals, students, yoga and mindfulness teachers, and anyone is welcome.
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Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
When I was new to meditation, I used to hate it when a guided practice would encourage me to “set an intention” for practice. I didn’t know what that meant. I was not used to thinking about my intentions or living my life as if I got to pick one. In general, I was sitting because I was tired or thinking too much or because I was trying to keep my meditation habit alive.
For a long time, this intention was enough to sustain my practice. Early on, the physical benefits of learning to manage my stress were so obvious that feeling better was my sole intention. In those days, I would sit and find some new energy or cure a headache. With benefits like those, the intention was apparent: I just wanted to feel better.
Rethinking Intention
This week, though, I have been thinking about the power of intention in a deeper way. I am preparing to give a dharma talk to my local meditation community about how I went from novice meditator to teacher. My path was far from perfect and includes a span of nearly a year in which my practice faded away entirely.
Over and above this, though, was the truth that I behaved better, acted more kindly, and was more available to help others when I kept my meditation practice robust. In fact, I have found that my practice is stronger when I am busy because I know that is when I need it most. Indeed, I even have increasingly made time to go on retreat because I know it makes me a calmer lawyer, more present parent, and a happier person all around.
Realizing these benefits helps me stick with my practice even when motivation is hard to muster. Even as a meditation teacher, my practice is far from perfect. I struggle with laziness, resistance, and excuses like anyone. Sometimes I am tired, I don’t feel good, or I just don’t feel like meditating.
These are the times when my intention helps me the most. I remember that I’m not just meditating for me. I’m meditating for everyone I love, for everyone I work with, everyone who depends on me, and everyone I meet. In short, I remember that I can give my best to others when I take care of myself first.
What Intentions for Meditation Are There?
There are different schools of thought about the intention which should guide meditation practice. If your intention is purely self-care, there is no shame in that. That was my sole motivation for years and it made a huge difference in my life.
If your intention is self-improvement, that can be wonderful too. In reality, I have experienced how a balanced effort to improve oneself can lead to more ethical living and benefit others.
What Motivates Your Meditation Practice?
The point of this post is not for me or any other teacher to tell you what your intention should be. Rather, the point is to encourage you to discover the intention for your own mindfulness practice. You may not know what your intention is right away and that’s okay.
If you keep asking, though, you may eventually realize what is motivating you to keep meditating. Once you understand this you will discover a powerful motivational tool to help keep your practice robust. If you are lucky, you may also unearth a guiding principle that can positively influence the direction of your life.
If you have struggled with motivation for your meditation practice, we have some resources that might help. Check out our Meditation Habit Worksheet to see if any subtle tweaks can make a difference. You can also check out our Pause and Begin Again e-book, which offers strategies for starting and restarting a meditation practice. Lastly, consider ways to make your practice more enjoyable here.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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“Why am I even doing this?” This question is one I have asked myself during meditation repeatedly over the last several years. I asked it yesterday, on a beautiful Saturday morning, on the first walking meditation session of a half-day retreat.
I could have been doing any number of other things. The lovely weather offered a perfect opportunity to clean up my yard. I also have been meaning to take my kids to the museum to see a new exhibit. Like most lawyers, I had a selection of work and meditation teaching-related tasks waiting for me.
But I had chosen to spend the better part of a day sitting and walking in silence. Given all the other choices before me and the fact that time was so precious, the question “why” naturally arose. The fact of the question didn’t surprise me. The tone underlying it did.
This time, after years of practice, hundreds of hours of training, and many more meditation retreats, the question finally appeared as a real question. When it arose, I felt the curiosity behind it. It allowed me to consider the facts with an open mind, instead of retreating into self-defense.
So, as I walked, I considered why I had decided to come to this particular half-day retreat. I’d made the decision to attend in the preceding days when I had the sense that I “needed” some extended time for meditation. The weeks prior had been busy, to be sure, with many activities that an introvert like me finds draining.
Retreats Are a Chance to Put Your Identity Down
This provided some of the answer, but I knew there was more to it. My busy couple of weeks was also embedded in a transitional series of months. I had started a job with a new firm in January. It was a good change but a big one. As someone with a history of anxiety, change of this nature causes a lot of worry.
While I walked, I noticed something amazing: I was not worrying at all. I also realized that I had not worried during the first full sit or the drive to the retreat site. This was remarkable because downtime–moments not filled to the brim with activity–is when my worry tended to arise. Here I was, though, with planned hours of downtime and I was doing just fine.
When I noticed this fact, I smiled because my “why” was immediately apparent. I had gone to the retreat to rest in the deepest sense of the word. Now that I have practiced meditation for a while, I am comfortable sitting and letting my thoughts go. I can get distance from them and let them float and bounce around. I trust that with time they eventually will stop and my mind will settle.
Meditation Can Offer a Rest from All the Worry
What this means, then, is that retreat offers me an extended period to set my worries down. For a few hours (or days when I can afford it), I can set my identity aside. This allows me to just notice what is happening in my mind and body and present moment experience. In doing so, worry stops because it is entirely useless and irrelevant.
Of course, this does not mean that worry stops for all time. Anxiety for me, like many other lawyers, has been a lifelong friend. I have no doubts it will return. But when it does, I know from experience that the terror it used to invoke will be missing. Prior to meditation, anxiety was more than a dreadful feeling and a head filled with dire thoughts. It was something I never thought I could escape.
When I started meditation, though, I learned that I didn’t have to escape. Instead, slowly and surely I began to face my anxiety. I broke it into pieces and noticed the thoughts, body sensations, and emotions one by one. Then I learned to interpret what, if anything the anxiety was telling me. Usually, it was just saying “I’m scared” or “there’s something I can’t control and that makes me feel unsafe.”
Ending Worry Means Facing Fear with Kindness
At this rock bottom stage, I unexpectedly found power. When I accepted my feelings of fear and vulnerability, I then could practice self-compassion and care for my feelings. This is what allowed me to just sit with anxiety because I had learned to trust myself to hold it with kindness.
So, why spend a beautiful Saturday cooped up at a silent meditation retreat? To put it simply, it’s a chance to take a break from normal life and go back to the very basics. Retreat is remarkable because it is a chance to practice just being with life exactly as it is. For me, this has usually meant a return to my normal life with less worry and more kindness.
At the end of the retreat, when all of my why questions had been answered, we ended with a guided loving-kindness practice. This practice had been a favorite of mine for a long time. This time, the leader started us off by cuing us to think of an image or person who inspired compassion in us. The most shocking thing happened when the image that came to my mind was myself.
Practicing Kindness Can Help Us Face Life
Like most lawyers, self-compassion was something I’d always had to work to cultivate. My own image didn’t come to mind, though, because I am naturally mild and magnanimous. I knew it was, instead, a recognition of my stubbornness. All the worry over the last few weeks had proven something meaningful: that I wouldn’t give up on myself.
I had been a bit exasperated with all my worries, but I had never turned on myself. Instead, I relentlessly (even if not effortlessly) tended to my fears with self-care and sought support from others. With far less angst than in years past, I did what any kind person would do for another person in need of support. In doing so, I had become my own source and image of compassion.
This recognition was a beautiful way to end the retreat and a sign that I was ready to pick my identity back up. Because I had a chance to set it aside for a while, it didn’t feel so heavy. Resting from my worries helped remind me I could face them again when needed. Reconnecting with compassion reminded me I had the tools, in myself and others, to face life as it is.
Conclusion
So why should lawyers or other professionals take time out of their busy lives to sit and do nothing at a retreat? Because doing nothing provides a unique opportunity to see how life really is or at least how it can be when we aren’t lost in thoughts and worries. It’s a chance to set identity aside, rest from anxiety, doubts, and fears, and reconnect with simple kindness.
Meditation retreats are not easy and not exactly fun. They can be a challenge for lawyers to schedule and attend. Despite this, I love attending meditation retreats because I usually gain insights and always feel lighter at the end.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Editor’s Note: I had not met Bruce Simpson until last week. However, I have known about him for several months. Bruce shared his story for my state bar association, the ABA, and various news sources. I organized a CLE discussion about attorney mental health for the Kentucky Bar Convention and reached out to Bruce to participate. He graciously agreed and did a wonderful job. I am pleased he also agreed to an interview here so I can share some of his words with those who could not attend the session.
1. Tell me about yourself.
I did not realize or appreciate that I had any “mental health” struggles or a mental health problem until after I attempted suicide. I thought I was simply too weak to fix what I thought were merely my own self-created, “emotional problems.” I was raised like many kids in the 50s and 60s and even now where your “worth” as a human being was based on how well you performed in athletics or something else that your parents’ thought was “worthy”.
Early Life and Education
In my case, it was athletics. When I performed well, I was not criticized but when I performed poorly, I was constantly berated. This took place daily between the ages 11 and 18. As a result, I had extremely poor self-esteem, acted out in school, and got sent to the principal’s office more than any kid I knew. I did not study for any test between 9th and 12th grade except for one final. I thought I was worthless and weak.
I learned from my father not to complain because that meant I was weak, that I should “suck it up” and be “like a man.” So, for 60 years, I did not think I had a mental illness problem. It was ingrained in me that I had a Bruce Simpson personal problem, that I was simply too ineffectual. I did not realize there was anything to fix. I knew I was worthless.
I did not legally graduate from high school. I was socially promoted. I did not pass the required classes. My GPA was 1.4 for 4 years. I tried to go to the UK but flunked out with a 1.1 GPA after 3 semesters. I got drafted into the Army. This gave me a wake-up call. I was away from home for 2 years and on my own. I did well in the Army serving above rank. I also got serious and upon my discharge was ready to get serious about school.
College to Law Practice
I went year-round for 4 years and obtained my BA in sociology and MSW degrees. I made a 3.3 or higher every semester for my BA degree and a 3.9 in graduate school. I studied all the time. I performed well objectively but I still thought I was an imposter. I was terribly insecure. I thought I would never get a girlfriend because I was not attractive enough. So, I married the first girl who was attracted to me. I thought I would never find another girlfriend. This insecurity, the lack of self-worth was an integral part of my life for 60 years.
I did not start to think other people thought I was worthy until my early forties when I started to have some success as a lawyer. People would tell me they saw one of my trials or hearings and compliment me. I was stunned. Really? I asked. This felt great. This continued for the next 30 or so years. I became well known in central Kentucky for land development controversies, hearings, and trials. Internally, though, I knew I was an imposter.
Early Views about Mental Health
During this time whenever I would read about a lawyer getting into trouble for one reason or another, I thought to myself, if that were me, I would kill myself. I could not lose this self-worth I had obtained if only because people would tell me I was a good lawyer. I recall one vacation my wife and I took to Europe. I was a solo practitioner at the time, and a thought popped into my head about halfway across the ocean that I might have missed a statute of limitations filing in a case. This thought would pop into my head 10-15 times per day.
The only way I found I could cope and not ruin the trip for my wife was to conclude, “Look if you missed the statute, you will just kill yourself when you get home.” The truth is I was on autopilot to kill myself for 30 years if I ever perceived other people would not consider me worthy. Thus, on January 24, 2023, when I saw I had not filed a brief in a highly publicized case I won at trial and that it was going to be a published decision, I knew I had to take my own life. There was no question about it. I was ready to die.
2. Without revealing any confidence, how did you manage your law practice as you address your mental health needs?
I did not manage my mental health needs because I did not know I had any such needs. I thought it was me being weak. I did not believe any therapist could talk me into being strong and I thought medication would just make me high.
3. What supports, people, groups, or resources helped you the most in managing your mental health?
I had to be involuntarily institutionalized at Eastern State Hospital after my suicide attempt. This was the first time I had any mental healthcare. I have been in therapy and on medication since. I am now doing better than ever. I have never felt better. I think more clearly than ever. I am performing better than ever in trials and hearings, and I do not need anyone’s affirmation to tell me I am worthy.
I know I am worthy. While therapy and medication have been crucial to my recovery, my increased faith in God and following Him daily has been super important. No one could have been more purposeful to die on January 25, 2023, than me. I suppose I will never be able to fully explain to everybody’s comprehension how a brand new, loaded .357 Magnum pistol with hollow point bullets did not fire when the hammer of the gun hit the bullet while the gun was pointed at the side of my head when I pulled the trigger.
This is especially unlikely because I had just test fired this brand-new gun only a moment earlier and a removed the spent shell casing from the gun. I had seen the live bullet rotate into the firing chamber just like it did during the test firing. Yet, it did not fire and before I could try again, the police where driving towards me because I had called 911 before I tried to kill myself. I did not want an innocent person to find my body.
4. What is the most important thing you wish the legal profession understood about mental health?
Too many of us mock mentally ill people. I confess I used to do it. This is wrong and it is damaging to those who suffer mental illness. As far as the legal profession in particular, the culture must change. I practiced 20 years in Big Law and 20 years in small firms. Leaders of law firms need to be much more tuned into the quality of life of their subordinate attorneys.
This “all-in” push to generate maximum money to the exclusion of people’s mental health is sick. Too many leaders give lip service to caring about their attorneys but in fact, the unwritten code is if you want to stay employed and make the “esteemed partner” class, you better demonstrate the firm comes first and so does money.
Lawyers are also encumbered much like doctors by the potential to be “infected” with the perfectionism syndrome. Too many of us believe we must be perfect as lawyers and anything less is unacceptable because clients will get hurt, and the firm will get sued. I do not see any way around this conundrum.
It is something we must live with when we choose this profession. I also think lawyers should be rewarded for service to the community and pro bono work. Yet, few firms do. I believe this service component actually enhances the image of the firm which draws more business.
5. How did you find the courage to start being open about your mental health story?
My situation is unique, I think. By all logic, I should have died that night. There is no rational reason I should be alive today. I was locked in on killing myself. I wanted to finish my mission in that cemetery, but the police officer did not leave. The rest is detailed in my article, but it was only on January 25, 2024, my one-year anniversary, that I told the rest of the story which happened that night. I posted on my Facebook account and my LinkedIn Account. I do not have courage. I am simply empowered by God to speak out.
6. How has your experience managing your own mental health affected your life and work?
Mental health treatment and my newfound faith have changed my life so radically, there are no words to adequately describe how blessed I feel, how clearly, I think and how good I feel about myself.
Bruce’s Bio: Bruce Simpson has been a civil trial lawyer for 40 years in Lexington, KY where his practice has focused on land use litigation and civil rights violations. Bruce is admitted to practice in all state and federal courts in Kentucky, the United States 6th Circuit Court of Appeals, and the United States Supreme Court.
He has a Bachelor of Arts, Master of Social Work and Juris Doctorate Degrees from the University of Kentucky. Bruce is a past president of the Fayette County Bar Association. He is also a past president and current board member of the Children’s Advocacy Center of the Bluegrass, which exclusively serves sexually abused children. Additionally, he is a member of the board of directors of the Kentucky Equal Justice Center and Mental Health America-Kentucky Chapter.
Bruce is a United States Army infantry veteran who served 2 years of active duty and 4 years of reserve duty.
This post is the first of an ongoing series. If you are in the legal profession and are interested in sharing your story, please submit a query here. If you are not sure about sharing your story, there is no shame in taking your time. For a bit of inspiration about the benefits it might offer, however, check out my post here.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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We just finished Well-Being Week in Law. One of the biggest struggles for many lawyers when it comes to well-being is stress. Even though our jobs are very stressful, many lawyers never learn good strategies for stress management.
To be sure, I believe in a holistic approach to stress management. As I have written before, change is needed in workplaces, our culture, and in the legal profession when it comes to mental health. Firms and companies should consider the overall impact of their policies and practices on employee mental health. In addition, lawyers in a position of power to reduce or avoid stress for ourselves or others should certainly do so.
Why Individual Stress Management Can Help
The thing is, though, that not matter how good our workplace policies or personal practices, stress always happens. It is a function of life. For lawyers, too, the challenging circumstances in which we often work play a big part. As a result, it is a good idea for lawyers and others in stressful jobs to understand stress and learn good stress management skills.
In part, this is because the way we respond to stress can have a huge impact in how it affects us. When we respond with awareness and self-kindness, we can learn approaches that work better for us and help us treat others better in the midst of stress.
Stress Management Is Not Doing It All on Your Own
That is one reason I speak and teach about stress management for lawyers and other professionals. Of course, as an introvert, I know that group discussion is not the only way to gain insights. Sometimes personal reflection may help us learn about ourselves too.
For those who want to consider stress management for themselves, I developed the Stress Management Workbook. It will help you bring awareness to practices and habits around stress and consider other ways of responding to it. Of course, social supports and help (including from trained professionals) is a huge element of stress management. Do not take this resource as a sign to manage stress all on your own. Instead, use it as a tool for fostering better connection with yourself and others.
Where Can I Get the Workbook?
To get the workbook, follow the link here, enter your email address, and download. That’s it.
While you’re at it, you can check out our other downloads for:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Editor’s Note: I developed a CLE for my state bar convention called “Attorney Mental Health Profiles in Courage and Leadership.” It inspired me to launch a new series on the blog. To launch the new series, I couldn’t think of anyone better than legal tech innovator, Colin Levy. As you can read below, he’s an advocate for more than tech in the legal profession.
1. Tell me about yourself and your mental health story.
I am Colin Levy, a corporate lawyer, author, and speaker in the legal technology world. I am the author of “The Legal Tech Ecosystem” and the editor of the “Handbook of Legal Tech,” I have established myself as a thought leader, guiding professionals through the complex and rapidly evolving landscape of legal technology. With a career deeply rooted in the intersection of business, technology, and law, I believe that I have demonstrated an ability to navigate the challenges and opportunities presented by the digital age.
My passion for embracing change and sparking innovation has been the cornerstone of my professional journey, leading me to my current role as the Director of Legal and an Evangelist for Malbek, a prominent player in the Contract Lifecycle Management space. The foundation of my success lies in my ability to engage in meaningful conversations with legal and tech leaders and visionaries, showcasing portions of these discussions on my personal website. As a collaborator, write, and author, I actively participate in the legal tech community, contributing to publications, co-hosting podcast discussions, and engaging with those driven to push the boundaries of legal technology.
I also openly share my fight against anxiety and depression, two things I have been battling for most of my life. I post regularly on social media about mental health given the need I feel to help others feel more comfortable sharing their own stories about mental health. My mental health story began during my first full-time legal role where my feelings of never being good enough, feeling unworthy, and feeling incompetent led me to taking some time off from working to directly address my mental health over a period of many months. That time was well spent helping me learn tools to manage my anxiety and depression and effectively navigate when those feelings become stronger.
2. Without revealing any confidences, how did you manage your law practice/work as you addressed your mental health needs?
They handled it professionally, e.g. allowed for me to leave work and address the issue, but those I worked most closely with lacked much empathy or sympathy for my struggle. To be fair, I also didn’t share a lot about my struggle as I wasn’t particularly personally close with them, so I didn’t feel comfortable sharing what I was experiencing. Their approach I think largely reflected what seems to be common within the legal industry, e.g. ostensibly recognizing the issue and people’ s struggles but failing to dive too deeply into taking steps to make it less common of an issue within the workplace.
I ended up not returning to the role I had since after my time away I was cognizant I needed a change of environment, change of culture, and a slower re-entry back into the workforce. I will give much credit to the boss of my direct manager who remains a deeply empathetic individual and whom likely would been a great listening ear had I shared more with them at the time I was struggling and remains someone I maintain touch with.
3. What supports, people, groups, or resources helped you the most in managing your mental health?
I’ll answer this in terms of importance, my husband has been and remains my rock and the one person in my life who has, without fail, been by my side throughout my struggles and throughout my winding career. My family and close friends have also been deeply supportive. As for helping me most directly with my mental health, my therapist has been instrumental. The work has been emotional, time-consuming, and challenging, but well worth it for I would be who I am today or have achieved what I have achieved without their help and that of my husband, family, and friends.
4. What is the most important thing you wish the legal profession understood about mental health?
Mental health is just as important as any other part of our overall health. One’s mental health also can directly impact other areas of health. The legal profession shows a consistent disregard for this and continues to pay only lip service to the importance of mental health. I have had several friends and acquaintances who have suffered because of this and, sadly, a few whose suffering led to the most tragic of outcomes – suicide. The legal industry needs to start treating its people as human beings and not as automatons able to ceaselessly work without breaks and without a hint of emotion or emotional intelligence.
5. How did you find the courage to start being open about your mental health story?
I realized that if I wanted to truly support others and let them know that they were not alone, I needed to share some of my own struggles. In doing so, I have been reminded of several things – the power of community, the power of the human spirit, and the power of empathy. Because of the powerful response to my first post on the topic of mental health, I realized I should make use of the response that was generated and help further position myself as both a legal tech advocate AND a mental health advocate.
I did just that and now make it a habit of sharing posts on mental health and offering my support for those who may be struggling and unsure of where to turn to for help or just an ear to listen. I still get a little nervous sharing only because I tend to be fairly quiet about the deeply personal aspects of my life, but mental health is one of those things I strongly feel one cannot be quiet about.
6. How has your experience managing your own mental health affected your life and work?
I’ve learned that I need to listen to myself. I need to be more open with myself and those closest to me when I am feeling off, down, or struggling. I need to take time to recognize and address these feelings and not simply dismiss them or try to ignore them. I’ve learned that if one ignores such feelings, they become internalized and can wreak havoc on all parts of your health and life, if not addressed holistically and comprehensively. We are all human beings and emblematic of our inherent humanity are our emotions. The more we understand that and take that to heart, the better of we will be as will those around us.
Bio: Colin S. Levy is a lawyer, speaker, and author of The Legal Tech Ecosystem.Throughout his career, Colin has seen technology as a key driver in improving how legal services are performed. Because his career has spanned industries, he witnessed myriad issues, from a systemic lack of interest in technology to the high cost of legal services barring entry to consumers. Now, his mission is to bridge the gap between the tech world and the legal world, advocating for the ways technology can be a useful tool for the lawyer’s toolbelt rather than a fear-inducing obstacle to effective legal work.
This post is the first of an ongoing series. If you are in the legal profession and are interested in sharing your story, please submit a query here. If you are not sure about sharing your story, there is no shame in taking your time. For a bit of inspiration about the benefits it might offer, however, check out my post here.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:
As I have written before, I am a fan of LinkedIn. It is where I honed my skills as a writer (outside of legal writing) and it is where I have encountered so many wonderful people. Ted Meissner is one of those people. When he showed up in my feed, I followed right away. Ted offers a unique perspective on mindfulness.
Ted shares studies on mindfulness and educates about how to talk about mindfulness practice. As a teacher (and lawyer too), I appreciated this right away. Who doesn’t need reminders now and then about taking care with our speech?
After I engaged with Ted a few times about his great posts, he asked me to be a guest on his podcast, Mindfulness Voyage. In the brief interview, I shared with Ted some information about the Mindfulness in Law Society and my work with it. This includes bi-weekly virtual sits, special events, and retreats both in-person and virtual.
I also share the ways that mindfulness practice supports my law practice. In particular, I explained how mindfulness practices fosters stability and kindness in my law practice. And I explained why I emphasize self-compassion when I teach and speak about mindfulness for lawyers.
You can check out the podcast episode on YouTube and other podcast streaming services and follow Ted on LinkedIn.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:
I had a great idea for a post this week. My plan was to write about my origin story for self-compassion. It would have been great. It could have been beautiful. But there was just one fatal flaw: I didn’t have time.
Over the years, I have enjoyed skirting this issue on so many occasions. It was a thrill to have a busy week and find a few minutes here and there to write. This week that did not happen, though, because I truly didn’t have time.
The weekend is where I usually make time to write or finalize my blog posts. This past weekend, though, was totally packed. Though it was packed with good things, they didn’t leave much room for quiet time and writing.
Sometimes a teacher must learn her own lessons. The lesson this week is this: sometimes self-compassion means saying no. Yes, it can be awesome to push through one’s perceived limits and reach for higher heights. Does that mean we always must do it?
Option B: Saying No
I say no. It can be awesome to push through limits when we really commit to it. It’s painful, though, when pushing–always pushing–is the only option. I started this blog because I love writing and wanted to share resources and instruction on mindfulness and compassion.
Even so, I have the blessing and the curse of loving lots of things. I love my work, my family, and myself too. This means that sometimes–not every time–I have to prioritize. If I am to keep loving writing, sometimes saying no to it must be an option.
Conclusion: Sometimes Saying No Is the Best Option
So this is my rousing bit of mindfulness and clarity for the day. Say no. Give it a try. Lawyers don’t have the option to do this in every situation. This means it is even more important to say no when we can. Today, I am saying no to a big fancy blog post and saying yes to keeping things light and simple.
I have to say that it feels pretty good. How can you say no today?
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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If you are interested in this topic, you start Googling or searching on Amazon for resources to explore self-compassion further. Doing this is likely to direct you to two prominent names in the field of self-compassion cultivation: Kristin Neff and Chris Germer.
Which one is best? As a lawyer, I can’t resist saying “it depends” but I can also offer some analysis here to help you decide.
How they Are Different
As I discuss below, both books have a lot in common. I don’t truly think you can go wrong reading either and there are benefits of reading both. Even so, they do have a few critical differences.
Perspective of a Clinician v. a Researcher
The most obvious difference between the two books is the perspective from which they were written. Germer is a clinician while Neff is a researcher. As such, Germer focuses far more on the practices to cultivate self-compassion, while Neff focused on the research. Likewise, Germer relies on more examples from working with patients. Neff offers more examples from studies she has conducted of reviewed.
Male v. Female
Another important difference is that Germer is male and Neff is female. This does not always matter for every book, but when it comes to self-compassion men and women may for cultural reason face different challenges. As a male, Germer speaks more to his experience as a husband and father. On the other hand, Neff shares about the challenges of being a woman professional and her experience with motherhood.
Voice
Although both books cover substantially similar material, the voice of the two authors may be the biggest area of difference. Germer’s voice is down-to-earth, practical, direct, and analytical. This isn’t to say it is hard-charging by any means, and certainly not compared to the content most lawyers read. But, as a left brained person myself, I prefer this style and many lawyers or professionals may feel more at ease with it.
In contrast, Neff’s style is soft, warm, and intimate. She shares her personal experiences more often than Germer does and offers less explanations of the practices. Even her arguments regarding the meaning of the various studies on self-compassion don’t feel like arguments. This is most likely an intentional choice to help readers who struggle with self-compassion open their minds to it.
How Are They Similar
Despite all of these differences, Neff and Germer’s books are very similar. They have worked together and both addressed different aspects of self-compassion. This is one reason why you can’t go wrong with either book. They both offer:
In truth, I like both of the books and think any reader could benefit from either. I have a slight personal affinity for Germer’s book, since it appeals to my direct, practical and analytical personality. However, as a working mom and special education attorney, I certainly appreciated Neff’s decision to share her story, including caring for son after his diagnosis with an autism spectrum disorder.
In case you need a clear conclusion, though, I will say that Neff’s work may be ideal if you really need convincing that self-compassion is worth it. This is a reality for many lawyers and there’s nobody better to convince you on the power of self-compassion than someone who has researched it for years.
On the other hand, if you need more tools to internalize self-compassion and implement it in your life, Germer’s book is the way to go. Germer’s down-to-earth writing style and lived experienced a clinician may be a great tool to help you build self-compassion in your own life and work.
The links to the books mentioned in this review are affiliate links. The review is unsponsored and sincere but the links to Amazon are paid.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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This is the line I often hear when I present about self-compassion: I know that it’s better to be kind to myself but I just can’t do it. People, especially lawyers, tell me that the habit of criticizing themselves is so ingrained that they see it as a part of their character.
This is a common struggle and I have personally experienced how painful it can be. Though it can indeed be a challenge, it is possible to change even well-established habits like self-criticism over time. I know because I have done it.
After stabilizing with therapy and medication, meditation helped me address the root cause of the problem because I started to change my inner voice and the way I responded to difficulty. Where I used to attack and criticize myself, meditation helped me see hardship as a part of life and learn to care for myself through it. This didn’t make life perfect, but it made the hard aspects of life a lot less hard.
This experience shows that self-compassion isn’t a character trait, but instead a habit or a skill that can be cultivated with practice. Research shows that I am right too. Here are five strategies that can help you disrupt your self-criticism habit to build the skill of self-compassion.
Thus, a small thing you can do to start treating yourself more kindly, is to start viewing your treatment of yourself as a behavior. Instead of seeing it as a manifestation of who you are, see it as a thing you do. Notice when it arises, consider where and how the behavior emerged, and then ask is it helping your or hurting you now?
Pause and Notice How You Feel
This leads right into the next step. How do you know if beating yourself up is helping you or hurting you? One way is to notice how it feels when you do it. Lots of people think that they can’t unwind the habit of self-criticism because they notice how often they beat themselves up.
In reality, this noticing is a great start. Even if you intend to try a gentler approach, the odds are that you will eventually slip up and berate yourself. Don’t add on by berating yourself about that mistake. Instead, notice the words are that are coming to your mind or out of your head. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice what it makes you want to do.
Seeing the impact of our habits is what gives us the power to evaluate whether they are serving us or not. As hard as it is, noticing exactly what occurs when we beat ourselves up may be a first step to letting go of the habit.
Practice Makes Perfect.
Even if you know nothing about self-compassion, meditation may help you cultivate it for a fundamental reason. Anyone who meditates knows that the mind will wander or get lost in thought. The nearly universal instruction for responding to this is to gently return your attention back to the breath or other focal point.
This gentle redirection, practiced over and over again, cultivates self-compassion. In fact, when I teach compassion I describe as “sneaky self-compassion” because it can happen without much effort and transform your inner voice subtly over time.
The good news, of course, is that this sneaky self-compassion can be practiced outside of meditation too. If you do anything moderately challenging and repetitive, you can use this gentle redirection approach to cultivate self-compassion and enjoy your pastime better.
Best Friend Test.
Now, I bet you are wondering if I still think self-compassion is the way to go even when you make a mistake or act badly. In fact, I think self-compassion is most important in times like those even though it also the most challenging.
When you screw up or act in a way that is not aligned with your values, self-compassion will not come naturally. Your brain very likely will go into self-judgment mode before you can stop it. When you see this happening, a good question to ask is “how would I react if my best friend did the same thing?”
When I say “best friend” here, I mean your ride or die friend. This is the person you love but you can also be real with when it matters. If your best friend did something wrong, you wouldn’t necessarily hide it, but you may also help them get back on their feet so they can make amends.
You may have to use the best friend test like a mantra for a while until this idea sinks in and starts to feel normal. But once it does, you may be amazed at how quickly your inner voice goes into “wise coach” mode instead of that dreaded inner critic.
If this happens, don’t breeze past it. Instead, pause for a moment and take note. Notice if the situation was made easier by your response. Notice if you feel proud of how you handled it. Notice if your performance was in any way enhanced by treating yourself with kindness instead of contempt.
Conclusion: Beating Yourself Up Is a Habit You Can Change
If you habitually beat yourself up, you aren’t alone. It is a common response to setbacks, mistakes, and challenges, especially for high-achievers like lawyers. Self-criticism, though, isn’t common because it is the only option. Instead, it is common because habits are easy to form when we aren’t paying attention. With awareness, time, and the strategies above, you can disrupt the habit of beating yourself up and replace with self-compassion.
If you want to study this more, check out our Heart of Loving-Kindness Practice Guide or some of our Guided Meditations. This one about being gentle with yourself during meditation practice is a perfect example of “sneaky self-compassion”. You can find it on Insight Timer or here:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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