We just finished Well-Being Week in Law. One of the biggest struggles for many lawyers when it comes to well-being is stress. Even though our jobs are very stressful, many lawyers never learn good strategies for stress management.
To be sure, I believe in a holistic approach to stress management. As I have written before, change is needed in workplaces, our culture, and in the legal profession when it comes to mental health. Firms and companies should consider the overall impact of their policies and practices on employee mental health. In addition, lawyers in a position of power to reduce or avoid stress for ourselves or others should certainly do so.
Why Individual Stress Management Can Help
The thing is, though, that not matter how good our workplace policies or personal practices, stress always happens. It is a function of life. For lawyers, too, the challenging circumstances in which we often work play a big part. As a result, it is a good idea for lawyers and others in stressful jobs to understand stress and learn good stress management skills.
In part, this is because the way we respond to stress can have a huge impact in how it affects us. When we respond with awareness and self-kindness, we can learn approaches that work better for us and help us treat others better in the midst of stress.
Stress Management Is Not Doing It All on Your Own
That is one reason I speak and teach about stress management for lawyers and other professionals. Of course, as an introvert, I know that group discussion is not the only way to gain insights. Sometimes personal reflection may help us learn about ourselves too.
For those who want to consider stress management for themselves, I developed the Stress Management Workbook. It will help you bring awareness to practices and habits around stress and consider other ways of responding to it. Of course, social supports and help (including from trained professionals) is a huge element of stress management. Do not take this resource as a sign to manage stress all on your own. Instead, use it as a tool for fostering better connection with yourself and others.
Where Can I Get the Workbook?
To get the workbook, follow the link here, enter your email address, and download. That’s it.
While you’re at it, you can check out our other downloads for:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I’m not stranger to soul-sucking things. After all, I am a lawyer. But when I got on the scale at a recent doctor’s visit, I knew I was in for another one. From years of experience going off the deep end with control issues, I have learned to be skeptical of numbers.
I knew the number on the scale didn’t correlate to my self-worth. I was on guard against the diet industrial complex’s ploy to make me place moral value on my weight. I’m an accomplished, self-respecting, grown ass woman for heaven’s sake. The number on the scale doesn’t define me.
All of this is true, but as soon as I saw the number I knew what I had to do. You see, even though life experience had told me to cautious against letting a scale push me around, I also had some other life experience to consider. Life experience, and medical advice, had given me an ideal weight range. The number I saw on the scale was about 15 pounds above that.
The Reckoning with Truth
I’m tall so this is not a huge amount, but it was enough that I had noticed it. I could see it in pictures. I could feel it in my energy levels. I noticed that some of my workouts were a little harder and some of my clothes fit a little less well. Thus, seeing the number just confirmed what I already knew: it was time to get back in shape.
The clarity of this conclusion, though, didn’t make me hate it any less. In fact, that is probably why I avoided thinking about it until the scale told me I had to face facts. Losing weight is hard. The very thought of weight management makes me nervous because I have wrestled with self-loathing about my weight before.
Habit change can feel really overwhelming at first. When it comes to weight loss, it can be extra hard because eating permeates so much of our daily life. Deciding to change how you eat, therefore, isn’t as simple as just deciding. Instead, it requires planning and commitment.
Self-compassion helped me find the motivation to get started because it helped me look at the factors nonjudgmentally to decide that now was an ideal time to try. Instead of wallowing in the feelings of overwhelm that told me change would be too hard, I examined the facts.
In truth, I got super businesslike about it and did an informal SWOT analysis.
Strengths: Solid workout routine including strength training means calories should be easy to burn. I’m skilled at cooking and enjoy healthy, nutrient dense foods. I have had success with weight loss in the past.
Weaknesses: I have 2 kids who won’t allow me to just stop buying snacks and treats. My schedule is busy and can impede healthy eating. I have to network a lot which means temptation is always near.
Threats: I’m over 40 and it may be harder to lose weight than in the past. I have had bad experiences with weight loss attempts in the distant past.
This may not sound very warm and fuzzy, so you may be wondering how this is self-compassion. In truth, though, self-compassion isn’t always about being soft with yourself. I think of it more as being clear with yourself instead of being unfairly biased against yourself.
Identifying the Problem
Once I got motivated to start considering weight loss, self-compassion was also helpful in considering where the weak points were in my habits. There is so much pressure on most of us, especially women, to maintain a healthy weight that this can be really hard. We can easily slide into feeling totally out of control and worthless.
Third, and most significantly, I still had lingering habits from the pandemic. During social distancing, I had to manage my own mood and the moods of my household. Having very few other options to do this, edible treats became one way of doing this.
Getting clear about where my habits went awry helped me avoid attacking my own character and judging myself. Instead, with self-compassion, I was able to clearly evaluate my habits so I could focus on improving my behavior.
Crafting a Plan
Once I got motivated and clear about where things went wrong, I was ready to craft a plan that would help me turn my analysis into actionable steps. The goal was fortunately clear to me: lose 15 pounds. My SWOT analysis and past experience, though, told me that I had to offer myself some extra supports.
First, I decided to try a food journal (specifically this one I found on Amazon) because I had success using one in the past. I avoid calorie tracking or a ton of precision on amounts. I don’t go in for diets or restrictive eating because it feeds my control issues. With the food journal, I keep track of what I eat, when I eat, and how the food makes me feel. This helps me be intentional about my choices.
Second, I decided to get help from an expert. As I have shared before, I loved The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer. He also has an app called Eat Right Now and a book about mindful eating. I bought a subscription to the app and decided to give it a try. Curiosity about the app and checking in each day motivated me and helped me establish my habit in the first few weeks.
Third, I added healthier items for me to my grocery list. I replaced my normal snacks with more nutrient dense options. I stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies I enjoy. I also made sure to add a variety of foods that would be good for lunches and snacks so i could avoid eating out as much as possible.
Finally, I planned to eat more frequently. I knew from experience that my energy tended to flag at about 3 hours and hunger would usually set in by then. As a result, I started planning smaller but more frequent meals and snacks.
Implementation of the plan, of course, is the hard part. This is where self-compassion really gets to shine. Of course, I know that it would be nearly impossible to make healthy food choices 100% of the time for the rest of my life. I knew that there would be times when I’d struggle, make the wrong choice, or just feel unmotivated.
When I started implementing, perfection was not my goal. Instead, a positive trend line marked by negative weight change and positive improvements in how I felt was the goal. To get this, I knew from experience that treating myself well was important.
I noticed and celebrated successes. I noticed when I enjoyed my healthy food. I noticed when I ate a bit more than I needed and how it felt. I noticed when days were harder because I was tired. And when temptation comes up up, I didn’t resist or beat myself up and instead just let it come.
In short, my big implementation strategy is that I assume it will be hard to establish and maintain a long-term healthy eating habit. Because I recognize every day that what I am doing is hard, I let go of perfection and remember that coaching myself with kindness must be a daily practice.
Conclusion (Well Sort of)
I wish I could wrap this post with a neat and tidy conclusion, but the truth is that this is an ongoing process. After about 5 weeks, I am about 2/3 of the way to my goal. I feel better. I have learned a lot just by paying attention to how I eat. I admit that I am proud too.
Of course, achieving goals and losing weight will usually inspire pride in most of us. This time around, I am proud that I treated weight loss like any other goal. I analyzed the issues, crafted a plan, identified supports, and implemented it.
Despite my history with struggles with weight and all the years doubting myself when it came to food, I was able to treat weight loss like any other challenging goal because I had self-compassion. So, if you are thinking about getting back in shape, I suggest that you start by being fair with yourself and focus on treating yourself well.
If you want some practices that may help with a weight loss effort or being good to yourself, check these out:
Did you know restorative yoga is associated with weight loss? Relaxation and restoration can have its benefits. Whether you have props or not, you can try it out with this practice here:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Lack of time is the excuse I hear most often from other lawyers who tell me that they wish they could develop a meditation habit. As a lawyer and mom who teaches mindfulness and manages this blog on the side, I know that’s understandable. Lawyers are among the busiest of people and we are often busy for very good reasons.
Even so, I have noticed a funny thing in my ten years of meditation practice. When I am the busiest, my meditation habit is the strongest. It is the times when my schedule loosens up that I struggle more.
My theory on this is that I implicitly know I need my meditation practice more when I am busy, and so I find ways to work it in no matter what. As a result, I have had lots of practice figuring out how to keep a meditation habit going even when I am too busy to breathe.
Here are the things that have helped me to continue meditation even in the busiest of times.
1. Preserve the Habit
If an intense schedule limits your time, it may help to simplify your approach. When this happens to me, I have learned to move into “preserve the habit” mode. What does this mean? I give myself slack in terms of what I might “normally” do. I accept that I don’t have as much time/energy/motivation now but set an intention to get back to it when things calm down.
At the same time, I find ways to reconnect with my habit in small ways every day so I can continue to see myself as the person who does that healthy habit. As the book Atomic Habits instructs, identity is an important part of habit formation and maintenance, so continuing this link can help us stay on track long-term.
For a meditation habit, continuing the link may mean sitting for just one minute, taking a few mindful breaths, or building in some small pockets of open space into my schedule. This is a small shift that does not take much time but it helps me keep my good habits alive for the long-term.
2. Self-Compassion
Sometimes when we get busy, doubt and self-judgment can arise and make things so much worse. We may start to criticize ourselves for not managing our schedule properly or remind ourselves how we “never” stick to healthy habits. Though human, these thoughts don’t help.
If anything, thoughts like this are self-defeating, unkind, and often untrue. Most lawyers and professionals don’t have total control over their schedules or their places of work. So many factors outside of our individual control affect our schedules that it doesn’t even make sense to put full responsibility for the situation on yourself.
In this way, self-compassion really comes in handy. By applying self-kindness (or at least dampening the harsh self-judgment) we can see more clearly and stop kicking ourselves when we are down. By simply remembering that we didn’t choose the situation and are only doing our best, it can make a big difference in shifting the focus to caring for ourselves in a difficult situation.
3. Do What You Need Now
As I mentioned early, it’s kind of a shame that healthy habits suffer in busy times because that is when they are essential. So, in busy times, my advice is to let your meditation practice serve your immediate needs.
Mindfulness practices can help you explore spirituality, acknowledge deep personal longings, and connect to something bigger than yourself. They can also help you survive hard times. There’s nothing wrong with using the practices as tools when you need them. In fact, seeing this practical value in times when the tools are needed most may sustain your practice more than anything else.
4. Pair Meditation with Another Activity
Meditation does take some time but it doesn’t always have to take extra time. One way to help yourself and maintain your habit is to be efficient with your meditation practice by pairing it with another activity.
The most obvious way to do this is to use those bits of time you might spend waiting in between activities. If you are sitting at the doctor’s office, take a moment to breathe. Turn off the radio driving to work and enjoy a few minutes of silence.
As I have written before, you can also pair meditation with your exercise routine or trying a walking meditation. Doing most activities, like cooking or washing dishes or even taking a shower mindfully, may open your eyes to how wonderful they can be. Let me tell you, a mindful shower is fantastic.
Because mindfulness can happen in any time, we can bring it into any life activity and this can help sustain us when life is busy.
5. Notice What Happens When You Miss Meditation
If you truly can’t find any time to meditate, you still have one ace left in your pocket. The number one instruction for mindfulness practice is to pay attention. It stands to reason, then, that if your mindfulness habit suffers, the next move is to keep paying attention.
This is not a gimmick. It’s practical. Lots of want to maintain a meditation habit to get mental or even physical health benefits. When we first start, we may notice that we feel better, rush less, or our thoughts are less scattered or even that we are a bit nicer to others. This recognition is often the best motivation to keep practicing.
The same thing can be true if your practice gets disrupted for a while. Years ago, I lost my practice for almost a year due to a series of life events. What did I notice? That many of my adverse mental habits and tendencies returned. I started ruminating a lot. I seemed to always feel angry and bitter and hopeless. When a loved one told me I may need to talk to someone, I decided to resume my meditation practice as a first line intervention.
The practice helped me immediately but the experience helped me internalize that I needed to make meditation a priority. This happened not just because I got started again, but because I paid attention to the difference between my life with meditation and life without it.
Conclusion
Busy schedules are a reality for many lawyers and working professionals. Even so, it doesn’t mean that our personal well-being and healthy habits have to go by the wayside. With some creativity, flexibility, and self-compassion, we can maintain a mindfulness habit even when life is hectic. In fact, as I have experienced, doing so may help us manage the hectic times with a bit more grace, kindness, and ease.
If you are short on time but want to work in a meditation, check out some of these guided meditations under 5 minutes:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Last week, I shared a Ted-style talk that I had to give in front of a pretty large crowd of my fellow lawyers. I love public speaking in general and was passionate about the subject. Even so, the novelty of my approach–especially my decision to memorize the talk–created some last minute nervousness for me.
Due to my years of mindfulness training and experience speaking, I was able to be pretty systematic in response to my fears. I talked myself through the anxiety the night before, was able to prepare and then relax enough to sleep well, and the talk was a big success. The most important indicator of this success was the fact that I had a blast giving the talk.
I know public speaking induces anxiety for many people, including lawyers, so I decided to write down the 5 steps that helped me the most. Here they are:
1. Stop Spiraling Thoughts
If you have anxiety, you are probably no stranger to spiraling thoughts. This can be really painful because thoughts are hard to control. The thoughts may feel like truths, they may be overwhelming in amount, and they can induce powerful emotional reactions. The thinking process itself can also lock you in because you may feel like you have to answer all of the questions before you can move on or calm down.
One thing that mindfulness helped me realize, however, was to recognize that spiraling thoughts were just a symptom of anxiety. In practice, this means letting go of answering each individual thought and focusing instead on the pattern of thinking. What is all the thinking trying to say? It’s saying “I am scared and I want control to make me feel more safe.”
Once you are able to accept that risk is involved and you have calmed down enough to be logical, you can tap into curiosity and pragmatism. As I said, public speaking is inherently risky. We have to speak, look intelligent, not fall down, keep breathing, and look like we are relaxed while other people just watch us.
But let’s get real. What is the risk exactly? Assuming things go badly, can you quantify how bad? How many minutes is the speech? What percentage of the time will actually be truly awful? What are the tangible and likely risks involved?
Most of the time, the odds are that these things are not as bad as our fear minds would make it seem. Most of us are rational people. We wouldn’t agree to speak if it was all risk and pain. When it comes to public speaking, the worst risk many of us face is a few minutes of awkwardness and some temporary embarrassment after.
If you are calm enough that you can avoid creating a horror fantasy for yourself, getting clear about what you fear in concrete terms can help you face and manage it.
3. Plan for the Worst.
This tip is not about pessimism or cynically setting low expectations in the hope that you will be pleasantly surprised. What I really mean with this one is making a preemptive commitment to self-compassion. Lawyers are expected so frequently to be tough and brave and show up in defense of others that this step can easily be overlooked.
The truth is that we are people too and so caring for ourselves like we are human beings can make a big difference. Anxiety can sometimes create the illusion that the thing we fear is a “game over” situation. We get so focused on the fear that we forget it’s not the end of the story. We forget we have endured painful and awkward things before and lived to tell the tale.
How did we do this? Most likely with kindness towards ourselves, time, and help from our friends and family. So, when I have big anxiety about something, I always ask “well, what will I do if things go wrong?”
Usually the answer is that I will take some time to myself. I will wallow for a bit, I will feel sad or angry or whatever. I will talk with my friends. And then eventually I will move on and other people will probably forget even sooner. Given this, make a plan for self-care and self-compassion for after your talk. This plan will help you engage in needed self-care no matter how well the talk goes and it may make you feel a bit more confident too.
The good thing about preparing to speak is that you ideally should be reviewing and thinking about the content of your talk. This is not just a chance to place facts neatly at the front of your mind; it’s also a chance to remember why they matter.
When you connect with the values underlying your talk, it is easier to be brave. It helps to remember that you aren’t just speaking to fill time or harass yourself. Instead, the point of the effort is to convey an important message to the audience.
5. Get Out of Your Head
Of course, anxiety is not just thoughts and that’s the problem. Anxiety can also create a whole lot of bodily issues that can be problematic for public speaking. There may be jitters, a shaky voice, or insomnia the night before. How do you deal with this? Learn how to tend to your body.
Body scan meditation can be a great practice for relaxing the body. For this reason, it may help with relaxation before the talk or getting to sleep the night before. Exercise or some form of movement, including a short walk, can help you ditch the last minute jitters. Grounding practices, where you notice the sensation of weight and stability, may help you maintain composure during the talk itself.
The common thread running through all of these practices is to accept and allow the bodily experiences that arise rather than judging yourself for them. These practices may not guarantee that you won’t have any nervousness when you talk, but they can help you avoid compounding the nervousness with self-judgment.
Anxiety is a real and painful experience. These five tips aren’t intended to present the illusion that anxiety is easy to manage. They are offered, however, to show that learning to take aspects of anxiety piece by piece can make it more manageable. These strategies have helped me many times and I hope they help find success and fun in your next speaking engagement.
Want to try a meditation practice that can help with performance anxiety? Check it out here.
Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
I have had a very busy couple of weeks. Fortunately, that business has been almost all good. I have had several talks and presentations over the last few weeks, which included all of my favorite things: mindfulness, writing, stress management, and leadership. I have also had some articles publish which I have not yet had an opportunity to share, but will soon. The bad news, however, is that I didn’t have time to write a blog post for the week.
Then I realized that I was maybe being too restrictive. It finally donned on me that one of the talks I am scheduled to give would make a pretty good blog post. I was asked to give a Ted-style talk on the topic of “leadership” for the Federation of Defense and Corporate Counsel. Given how much I love writing, I decided I would write about “thought leadership” and specifically how I came to it.
I’m here to talk to you this morning about thought leadership. This sounds really impressive. Forbes defines a thought leader as “a person who is specialized in a given area and whom others in that industry turn to for guidance.” Wow. Kind of a big deal.
Am I a thought Leader? Here’s why.
Am I a thought leader? Did they get it right when he asked me to give this talk?
“Thought leader” is not a word I generally use, but if you twisted my arm I would admit that this definition fits me for certain topics. I’m practicing at a great firm and have demonstrated expertise in my field. I have an established blog and thousands of followers on LinkedIn. I teach mindfulness and compassion in addition to practicing law and raising a family. I give talks and present seminars on mental health, stress management, and more on a regular basis. And I have written two books with more on the way.
Started out a nobody.
When I started, though about 6 years ago, I was a nobody. I was the most junior partner at a small firm in Kentucky. My practice was focused, so I didn’t work with a ton of people. I’m an introvert and assumed for a long time I would never be a rainmaker. And I was the mom of two young girls and didn’t have a lot of expendable time and energy to invest to change this.
Hidden advantage.
But I had one hidden advantage. I thought way too much. You may be wondering how on earth this could be an advantage. For years, it was a huge liability. Overthinking kept me anxious, stuck, and at times spiked into intense depression. Eventually, though, I learned how to harness this power.
I wrote articles for trade magazines, then blog posts, and then LinkedIn posts. In doing this, I learned that publishing my thoughts was the only way to let them go. The thoughts always kept coming, so I kept going. I kept writing and eventually realized I needed my own place to write whenever I chose. So I founded my own blog where I publish one post a week. By the end of the first year, I was ready to write my first book. After 3 years, I have written nearly 200 posts in addition to many other resources.
Early doubts and why I got started.
All the while, I had doubts. I was afraid that nobody would care. I was afraid all my efforts would be for nothing. The urge to write, though, was powerful and usually won out over these doubts. But more importantly, I had something to say.
I knew that there was a need for a change in the legal profession. Too many lawyers struggle with mental health and feel like they can’t get any relief or support. Even when mental health challenges are absent, I knew all too well how perfectionism, self-doubt, and overreliance on control could impede lawyers from happiness and doing our best work.
So I started writing about leadership, writing, networking as an introvert, being a working mom, mindfulness, and mental health. I just started offering ideas about what might help others and what had helped me.
Early impediments.
Of course, I was afraid of what people might think. At the beginning, I was not an experienced writer and had not developed my voice. I was a still young lawyer and wasn’t sure it was my place to put my ideas out there. And nobody else in my firm or even my local community was sharing content like mine on social media.
Humility and struggles.
One thing that helped me move forward, though, was to lean into my humility. Rather than act like I had it all figured out, I often shared my struggles. Sometimes I shared things that at a certain time in my life had made me feel ashamed. I wrote about my anxiety, I shared stories about struggling with loneliness and managing anger, and I have been pretty open about my experiments with Dry January to help me manage alcohol.
Afraid but the “why” pushed me along.
Every time I shared something like this, I was afraid of what people might think but I did it anyway because I knew I wasn’t alone and thought it might help. I knew what it was like to feel anxious all the time, out of control of one’s thoughts, and always stressed out or depressed. What I wanted more than anything was for others, not to feel how I had felt. I especially wanted this for my fellow lawyers who make it our life’s mission to serve other people. So if something I wrote could reach someone, resonate with someone, or give them a good resource, then it was worth it to me.
Despite all the fears on the front end, I felt nothing but pride and validation after sharing these stories. Any shame I had felt about my experience melted away when I could acknowledge it simply as a human experience. To my surprise, people reached out to say that they appreciated what I had shared. People told me that they thought I was brave.
Setbacks.
Now, this isn’t every time. Sometimes my posts would bomb. Sometimes nobody cared. But by then I had developed enough self-compassion to not take these things personally. I knew how to take care of any feelings of disappointment, and I remembered that I didn’t start writing for anyone’s approval. Instead, I had started writing because I loved it and had something to say. So I took breaks when needed but then got back to it.
Payoff.
As it turns out, it was worth it for many other reasons I could never have expected. When I started sharing content, at first nobody cared. After a while though, people started following me. Then people started reaching out to tell me they liked what I had to say. Then people started inviting me to speak and write more.
Over time, I made some real friends and connections. People referred me work. They looked to me as a resource and sought my input. They invited me to join and become active in networks, like this one, and most recently one friend I gained through with my writing even invited me to join her law firm.
Not a nobody anymore.
Now, I’m not a nobody anymore. Now, I see that I never was. I was a quiet and thoughtful lawyer who sometimes saw things differently from others around me. For years, I thought this was what was wrong with me. I was convinced that this trait is what would hold me back. And it did until I started using it. By putting my copious thoughts to use, I learned my overthinking was the gift I could offer to the world and the profession.
Can you lead without followers?
So, how do you become a thought leader when you have no followers? First, stop thinking about followers. Start instead with the thoughts. What thoughts are you going to offer? What can you say that nobody else can? Or said differently, what is something so important to say that you are willing to take a risk?
That’s the thing. Leadership is not about followers. Leadership is about accountability. It’s about a vision for something better and the willingness to take responsibility to make it happen.
Final advice.
I don’t care how many followers you have or how impressive you are. If you say something authentic, helpful, honest, and kind, you are not a nobody. Instead, you may have a gift that the world and our profession really need.
Get started. Trust yourself. Trust other people (at least some of the time). Use your gifts, whatever they are and even if you never saw them as gifts before. And then see what happens.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:
I talk a lot about meditation practice on this blog, but meditation is not the only way that you can cultivate mindfulness and compassion. Research is now beginning to emerge that is showing benefits from shorter and shorter increments of meditation. We are also starting to see some evidence of benefits from “informal” mindfulness or compassion practices.
For lawyers short on time, this is good news. As I well know, we don’t always have a 20 or 10 minute block of time to sit and meditate. But, if we are creative, we may find a few spare minutes here and there to sneak in a little bit of deep breathing. Even when this is hard to come by, we may learn some in the moment practices that can help us stay calm and collected or remember to be kind to ourselves.
Not all yoga is calm and restorative either. Some classes, including power yoga, will include cardio, interval, or even strength training. Along the same lines, somatic workouts like The Class will push your physical limits while cuing you to notice (and if possible release) thoughts and emotions that arise as you move.
2. Watch Your Breath.
I have enjoyed group fitness in the past, but right now I am all about my Peloton especially Power Zone training on my bike. These rides often call for me to hold a moderate to difficult effort for a period of time. As a meditation teacher, it didn’t take me long to realize that this was a great time to notice my breath.
Doing so often helped me modulate my breath so that I could stay steady during tough intervals or quickly recover when I had a respite. This helps me stay present for the difficulty rather than mentally retreating into anxiety or stress. In many cases, I have found that this makes the experience more enjoyable because it helps me remember that hard work much of the time can be fun and feel good.
3. Listen to Your Body.
I have an Apple watch which monitors my heart rate as I work out. From lots of experience, I have a good idea of my typical range for easy, moderate, and challenging cardio work. One thing I like to do, though, is to remind myself not to panic as my heart rate increases.
Instead of just watching the numbers, I also note how I feel as I am working. I am regularly surprised at how good I feel even when my heart rate is high. I am also regularly surprised to watch my heart rate stabilize or even come down even when my effort doesn’t slow down.
Another way I have done this is to pay attention to my posture. It is very easy to begin slumping or hunching over when you begin to breathe hard. I have trained myself to watch for this so that I can ensure a clear airway for my breath. When I remember to sit up and soften my belly so I can breathe again, things get a little bit easier.
A good cardio workout is designed to make me feel physically uncomfortable. If I am having a hard time, it’s not uncommon for my mind to turn negative with complaints about the situation or criticisms of my performance. Guess what? This is not helpful at all.
Over the years, I have started to monitor for the early warning signs of this creeping negativity. If it starts to show up, I first try to be kind to myself by managing my situation by taking a drink of water or adjusting my position or rate of exertion. This often is enough to keep the nasty inner voice from distracting me from my mission.
5. Practice Courage and Compassion.
Even when managing my experience isn’t enough and the workout just sucks, I still have found a way to make the best of the situation. This is because the workouts where I am on the struggle bus are the best ones to practice courage and compassion.
On one particularly challenging ride with tough long intervals, I used every self-compassion strategy I could. I acknowledged my feelings of discomfort by saying “this is hard” but followed it up with “but I can do it.” I considered the meaning of the work and remembered why physical fitness mattered to my life. I even did tonglen practice, where I breathed in the hard feelings and breathed out relief and sent to the other people doing the ride.
Does this seem a little silly or overwrought? Maybe. I certainly laughed at myself afterwards but I also celebrated because I made it. But, if you think about it, sometimes physical sensations (our emotions) can be the biggest impediments to showing courage and compassion when they are needed most. Practicing these skills when the stakes only feel intense may actually be an ideal way to practice them so they are ready when you really need them.
Conclusion
In an ideal world, all of us would have the time to meditate and work out regularly if not daily. Though most of us don’t live in an ideal world, we may be able to get the best of both worlds in our workouts. With a few small adjustments, you can incorporate informal mindfulness and compassion practices in your exercise routines. With these tips, you can train your mind and heart at the same time.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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A lot of people on the internet are talking about mental health these days. Like most things on the internet, not all of this talk is productive. Content on the internet is usually going for clicks, shares, and likes. As a result, it is targeted at producing visceral emotional reactions instead of deep introspection. Outrage at “society” or an unspecified “they” is so much more satisfying to experience than thoughtful self-reflection.
This blog, I’m sorry to say, is about promoting mindfulness. Therefore, I apologize in advance for refusing to follow the paradigm of pointing the finger elsewhere when it comes to mental health.
Now, maybe you are thinking, “I’m not trained to deal with mental health issues. How on earth can I help?” That’s exactly what this post is suggesting. Getting trained is one thing you can do to help. If your next question is “but what training, though?” all you have to do is keep reading.
1. QPR Gatekeeper Training
Did you know that the risk of suicide is higher for those in the legal profession than other professions? This may mean that the people reading this blog are more likely to encounter those at risk for suicidal ideations. Despite this and the fact that lawyers deal with people in crisis frequently, most of us never got training for how to respond to someone at risk for suicide.
QPR Gatekeeper Training does just that. In a 60-minute webinar, you can learn to identify the risk factors for suicide, how to detect if someone is expressing a risk to you, and strategies for how to respond.
Though many of us may feel that these situations are unlikely to happen, many of us may know people who have attempted or died by suicide. While this is an intense topic, I can speak from first hand experience that it is reassuring to at least know the right steps to take and things to say if someone close to you is in need of support.
2. Mental Health First Aid
If you are in a position to make a bigger investment of time and money, another worthwhile program is Mental Health First Aid Training. This program includes a few hours of self-paced work, a day-long seminar, available live or online, and a written examination.
Mental Health First Aid truly is about learning to handle and offer first line support to individuals who may be dealing with a variety of mental health conditions. The purpose of this training is to help lay individuals support and stabilize individuals so that they can locate and seek support from trained professionals.
With the training, you will learn how to approach, listen, and respond to individuals who may have a variety of mental health challenges. You will learn how to assess the varying levels of risk and respond appropriately to promote the safety and well-being of everyone involved.
The Mental Health First Aid website has a searchable directory with teachers who offer the course live and online at various rates and locations. If you have a day to offer, the program is well worth your time.
3. SHRM Mental Health Ally Certificate
Since I practice in, among other things, employment law, I got SHRM (“Society for Human Resources Management”) certified last year and am active with my local SHRM chapter. This means that I am now responsible for completing my annual CLE requirements as well as professional development credits (“PDCs”) for SHRM.
The good news is that SHRM’s Workplace Mental Health Ally Certificate program earns PDCs and is otherwise an excellent use of time. SHRM’s Mental Health Ally program is similar in scope to Mental Health First Aid, but it is applied directly to workplace situations.
Unlike Mental Health First Aid, however, the Mental Health Ally Certificate program is entirely self-paced. It is a series of seven interactive online programs that address mental health conditions which may arise in the workplace as well as strategies for appropriate responses. One thing I especially liked about the program was that the final program included instruction in motivational interviewing, a research-backed intervention aimed at facilitating others to make health choices.
Conclusion
If you are too busy to consider any of these options, don’t take this blog post as a homework assignment. As a lawyer, I know that many of us are too busy to seek additional training just to get a gold star for citizenship. As someone who has both given and received support in the midst of a mental health crisis, I can say for sure that the time and money is worthwhile because it literally could save a life.
Along the same lines, if you are in a position of leadership in your bar association, company, or other organization, you could consider offering or providing these program to your members or employees. Years ago, my state bar association made QPR Gatekeeper training available for free and for CLE credit and it was well-attended and well-received.
Our culture and workplaces are in need of a shift to become more supportive of individuals facing mental health challenges. Part of that shift, though, can and must include greater awareness and understanding of individual actors. Getting trained is one simple thing you can do to promote mental health in your workplace, family, and community.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Today, you are going to see a lot of quotes shared on social media from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous “I Have a Dream” speech. You may see a few people urging you to read his prior “Letter from a Birmingham Jail.” I urge you to go and read both of them in full.
In all the discussion of dreams and ideals today, it’s important to remember that real work, effort, risk, and hardship is necessary to make real change. One of the biggest criticisms leveled against mindfulness practices (and maybe the mindfulness community) is that it advocates “doing nothing” when so much work needs to be done.
In truth, though, meditation and other mindfulness practices aren’t just about doing nothing. Sure, formal practice calls on you to do nothing for a period of time, but that inactivity is (or should be) serving a purpose. In my life, I have seen how meditation has made me more courageous, more circumspect and ethical in dealing with others, and more engaged with my life and community.
Over the last three years, I have shared several posts from others in the mindfulness community that tell me I am not alone in this. In case you need any help reflecting today about how mindfulness can lead to change and brave action in the world, these posts may help.
I read and reviewed The Inner Work of Racial Justice by Rhonda V. Magee last year. It is ideal for those interested in exploring racial justice or curious about how mindfulness and compassion practices can help us build a better world.
Happiness may not be the first thing that comes to mind today, but the author, famed meditation teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, had a direct link to Martin Luther King Jr. He educated him about the realities of the Vietnam War and is attributed with helping King change his advocacy on that topic. You can read about Hanh’s simple, elegant, and wise book, Happiness, here.
Meditation teachers, Sharon Salzberg, (pictured to the left) and Tara Brach have each authored books about mindfulness, courage, and social change. Check out the posts for each to learn more.
Joseline Jean-Louise Hardrick offered a guest post for us last year. Outside of writing about wellness, Hardrick also works to encourage diversity in the legal profession. She shows how our own wellness is related to our work to improve the world.
We have shared posts from two teachers who aim to make yoga more open and inclusive to all. Peloton instructor Chelsea Jackson Roberts has worked for years to make yoga accessible to black communities. Teacher and social media icon, Jessamyn Stanley, has focused on making yoga accessible to all body types.
If you want a meditation to motivate continued work even amidst difficulty, check out our Look for the Helpers Guided Meditation inspired by Mr. Rogers. It’s a self-compassion practice to help you recognize the common humanity of facing adversity.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Many of my friends have been sharing their “words of the year” or “in and out lists” on social media. Though I enjoyed seeing my friends’ thoughts , I felt a bit at a loss about what to make of this for myself. How do I pick a word or theme of the year when I am heading into something new and have no idea what the future would hold?
I attended an event this week where I finally gave voice to this feeling. The group was sharing our word or theme of the year and I announced during my turn that I needed help selecting a word. I said “what’s the word for getting rid of the good girl voice in your head? That’s my word.”
Step 2: Look for Clues about What You Need.
Condolences and commiseration was offered and ideas where shared, but a single word did not reveal itself to me. I then posed the same question in a post on LinkedIn. Some people offered funny comments that made me smile. A few offered words like “liberation”, “fearless” and “empowerment.”
Those are good words but they felt too heavy and could lead back into the striving and perfectionism with which I had been struggling. But a few people suggested that being a good girl isn’t a bad thing and wondered about a less aggressive way of approaching the problem.
Asking for Help Is Good but Stay Focused on What You Need
Is there a middle way when it comes to the “good girl” voice that causes me so much suffering? To answer this question, I put on my “mom” hat. I am the mom of two little girls. I know for a fact that they want to be good but they sometimes get ornery, fight, argue, and get mean and nasty. As a mom, I have learned that this often happens because they have a need that’s not being met.
Another thing I have seen some of my friends do around the New Year is go to vision board classes. They clip out pictures from magazines and arrange the ones that speak to them on a big board to reveal their longings and aspirations.
I have done these with friends but the exercise didn’t mean a lot to me. Why? Well, I am not a visual thinker. Images don’t do it for me in general. I am, however, a very auditory thinker. Applying the vision board concept to sound, I considered the “Year in Review” playlist on my music app.
Step 3: Nonjudgmentally Evaluate Your Clues
It included songs like “Float” by Janelle Monae, “Chvrch Girl” and “Cuff It” by Beyonce, “Bejeweled” by Taylor Swift, “Trustfall” by Pink, and all of the Barbie soundtrack. Does this sound like the playlist of a “good girl”? Or does it sound like the playlist of a girl who wants to have fun?
Bingo. And there we have it. The word of the year for 2024 is “fun.” I don’t need to get rid of the “good girl” at all. Instead, I need to let her have some fun.
Why did it take me so long to get there? It seems obvious in retrospect. Lawyers, including me, don’t always trust fun. We trust hard work, clarity, and discipline a lot more. For this reason, proclaiming “fun” the word of the year is like announcing you are taking an indefinite vacation.
In addition, recall that the thing that prompted me to think about this was the “good girl voice” who is so hardworking, highly motivated, and relentless that she drives me nuts. Given that she has taken up residence inside my brain, will a little bit of fun really cause me to shirk all effort and discipline?
That’s how I figured out my word of the year. First, I took stock of where I was. Then I looked for clues about what I needed, including from my community. Finally, I nonjudgmentally evaluated to identify the single word that could help me rebalance in the new year.
Do you pick a word of the year or do any other kind of new year’s reflection? If you want to think about this more, check out the video from our past event “A Vision for the New Year and Guided Meditation”. Whether you do or not, I hope that you have a “good” and “fun” year in 2024.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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This is the time of year when lots of people start New Year’s resolutions. At the same time, you are also bound to see a plethora of folks taking to social media to proclaim that resolutions are a scam.
I’m not big on resolutions, so I can understand the skepticism. You can’t just decide one day to be different. Instead, as we all know, it takes consistent action over time to make real change. But this realism, accurate though it may be, isn’t entirely complete.
Of course, January is an arbitrary time to start a habit. Anyone who watched their January resolve fade to oblivion by February knows this. Even so, other arbitrary deadlines have helped to motivate me too. As I shared last year, I set a goal to write my first book before my 40th birthday. I knew there was no reason that this had to happen but I got it done.
So I have to ask: is the impetus to set a resolution in January really so arbitrary? I don’t believe it is. Obviously, I’m aware that time is a construct and the calendar is a human creation. Though the month January and the concept of the new year may be somewhat made up, they signify something that is 100% real: the passage of time.
This is what has always been so motivating to me. As a lawyer who wears too many hats, it is certainly good advice to “pick your battles” in life and to consider your energy and appetite for change. At the same time, though, the question “if not now, when?” can be a hard to answer to yourself year after year about something that matters to you.
Over time, some of the healthy habits I started in new years past have lapsed, so I don’t claim to be a magician. But the fact that January helped me find motivation to return to good practices in the past gives me greater confidence that I can do it again.
So what does all of this mean for you? Am I telling you that resolutions are good or bad? Am I speaking out of both sides of my mouth?
New Year’s Reflections Can Help Us See Our Patterns.
My point here is that resolutions don’t work for many people for the simple reason that habit change can’t come from willpower and momentary motivation alone. New Year’s reflections, though, can help us see our habits and patterns and consider whether those patterns is helping us create the life we want.
While I appreciate the anti-perfectionist spirit inspiring many to castigate the pull to resolutions at the New Year, I think much of the rhetoric goes too far. Sure, as I have experienced, putting pressure on yourself in January to “improve” can be incredibly damaging, misguided, and ineffective.
Seeing Your Patterns Is Empowering.
On the other hand, reflecting on your past experience and seeing insights about how you can take better care of yourself in the new year is different. Reflecting is merely seeing the truth. When it comes to habits and personal patterns, the truth can be hard to see. The new year offers an opportunity to consider those habits and patterns over time and therefore provides a chance to think about where we are heading in the future.
For all of these reasons, I’m skeptical of New Year’s resolutions as much as anyone else. But I proudly say that I love New Year’s reflections. They have served me well in the past and have helped me create a better future for myself. Whether you are resolving, reflecting, or just being this January, I hope you have a wonderful 2024.
Want Some Help for Your Reflections?
If you are interested in doing some New Year’s reflection, check out our Resources page. The Meditation Habit Worksheet and the Pause and Begin Again e-book may help you start or refresh your meditation practice. The Personal Well-Being Worksheet is designed to help you consider personal practices to support your well-being. If you need some community to support yourself in 2024, check out our Events page with new (and free) guided meditation events.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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