The Mindfulness in Law Society reached out and asked if I wanted to do a community event for the larger group. I have been guiding the virtual sits for about a year now and taught at the virtual retreat last fall. For this event, though, they didn’t want me to guide a meditation. They wanted me to teach.
When we did the meeting to plan this session, I expected they would have something in mind. To my delight and surprise, they didn’t have preconceived notions. Instead, the organizer and I discussed some of my recent speaking engagements and I told her about a Ted-style talk I had done on thought leadership for the FDCC. She saw my face light up and suggested that the topic relate to the intersection of writing and mindfulness.
I don’t claim to be an expert, but this experience and my mindfulness training has helped me develop some tips and best practices for creativity. On April 24th at 12 PM EST, I hope you will join me and the Mindfulness in Law Society online for a session where I’ll discuss this. I will share the top 5 ways that my mindfulness practice helped spur my creativity and I expect some other authors will join and share their tips as well.
This event is open to anyone in the legal profession, which includes lawyers (including those in law adjacent fields), law students, law professors, and support staff. Please join us or reach out if you have any questions. You can register here.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I have had a very busy couple of weeks. Fortunately, that business has been almost all good. I have had several talks and presentations over the last few weeks, which included all of my favorite things: mindfulness, writing, stress management, and leadership. I have also had some articles publish which I have not yet had an opportunity to share, but will soon. The bad news, however, is that I didn’t have time to write a blog post for the week.
Then I realized that I was maybe being too restrictive. It finally donned on me that one of the talks I am scheduled to give would make a pretty good blog post. I was asked to give a Ted-style talk on the topic of “leadership” for the Federation of Defense and Corporate Counsel. Given how much I love writing, I decided I would write about “thought leadership” and specifically how I came to it.
I’m here to talk to you this morning about thought leadership. This sounds really impressive. Forbes defines a thought leader as “a person who is specialized in a given area and whom others in that industry turn to for guidance.” Wow. Kind of a big deal.
Am I a thought Leader? Here’s why.
Am I a thought leader? Did they get it right when he asked me to give this talk?
“Thought leader” is not a word I generally use, but if you twisted my arm I would admit that this definition fits me for certain topics. I’m practicing at a great firm and have demonstrated expertise in my field. I have an established blog and thousands of followers on LinkedIn. I teach mindfulness and compassion in addition to practicing law and raising a family. I give talks and present seminars on mental health, stress management, and more on a regular basis. And I have written two books with more on the way.
Started out a nobody.
When I started, though about 6 years ago, I was a nobody. I was the most junior partner at a small firm in Kentucky. My practice was focused, so I didn’t work with a ton of people. I’m an introvert and assumed for a long time I would never be a rainmaker. And I was the mom of two young girls and didn’t have a lot of expendable time and energy to invest to change this.
Hidden advantage.
But I had one hidden advantage. I thought way too much. You may be wondering how on earth this could be an advantage. For years, it was a huge liability. Overthinking kept me anxious, stuck, and at times spiked into intense depression. Eventually, though, I learned how to harness this power.
I wrote articles for trade magazines, then blog posts, and then LinkedIn posts. In doing this, I learned that publishing my thoughts was the only way to let them go. The thoughts always kept coming, so I kept going. I kept writing and eventually realized I needed my own place to write whenever I chose. So I founded my own blog where I publish one post a week. By the end of the first year, I was ready to write my first book. After 3 years, I have written nearly 200 posts in addition to many other resources.
Early doubts and why I got started.
All the while, I had doubts. I was afraid that nobody would care. I was afraid all my efforts would be for nothing. The urge to write, though, was powerful and usually won out over these doubts. But more importantly, I had something to say.
I knew that there was a need for a change in the legal profession. Too many lawyers struggle with mental health and feel like they can’t get any relief or support. Even when mental health challenges are absent, I knew all too well how perfectionism, self-doubt, and overreliance on control could impede lawyers from happiness and doing our best work.
So I started writing about leadership, writing, networking as an introvert, being a working mom, mindfulness, and mental health. I just started offering ideas about what might help others and what had helped me.
Early impediments.
Of course, I was afraid of what people might think. At the beginning, I was not an experienced writer and had not developed my voice. I was a still young lawyer and wasn’t sure it was my place to put my ideas out there. And nobody else in my firm or even my local community was sharing content like mine on social media.
Humility and struggles.
One thing that helped me move forward, though, was to lean into my humility. Rather than act like I had it all figured out, I often shared my struggles. Sometimes I shared things that at a certain time in my life had made me feel ashamed. I wrote about my anxiety, I shared stories about struggling with loneliness and managing anger, and I have been pretty open about my experiments with Dry January to help me manage alcohol.
Afraid but the “why” pushed me along.
Every time I shared something like this, I was afraid of what people might think but I did it anyway because I knew I wasn’t alone and thought it might help. I knew what it was like to feel anxious all the time, out of control of one’s thoughts, and always stressed out or depressed. What I wanted more than anything was for others, not to feel how I had felt. I especially wanted this for my fellow lawyers who make it our life’s mission to serve other people. So if something I wrote could reach someone, resonate with someone, or give them a good resource, then it was worth it to me.
Despite all the fears on the front end, I felt nothing but pride and validation after sharing these stories. Any shame I had felt about my experience melted away when I could acknowledge it simply as a human experience. To my surprise, people reached out to say that they appreciated what I had shared. People told me that they thought I was brave.
Setbacks.
Now, this isn’t every time. Sometimes my posts would bomb. Sometimes nobody cared. But by then I had developed enough self-compassion to not take these things personally. I knew how to take care of any feelings of disappointment, and I remembered that I didn’t start writing for anyone’s approval. Instead, I had started writing because I loved it and had something to say. So I took breaks when needed but then got back to it.
Payoff.
As it turns out, it was worth it for many other reasons I could never have expected. When I started sharing content, at first nobody cared. After a while though, people started following me. Then people started reaching out to tell me they liked what I had to say. Then people started inviting me to speak and write more.
Over time, I made some real friends and connections. People referred me work. They looked to me as a resource and sought my input. They invited me to join and become active in networks, like this one, and most recently one friend I gained through with my writing even invited me to join her law firm.
Not a nobody anymore.
Now, I’m not a nobody anymore. Now, I see that I never was. I was a quiet and thoughtful lawyer who sometimes saw things differently from others around me. For years, I thought this was what was wrong with me. I was convinced that this trait is what would hold me back. And it did until I started using it. By putting my copious thoughts to use, I learned my overthinking was the gift I could offer to the world and the profession.
Can you lead without followers?
So, how do you become a thought leader when you have no followers? First, stop thinking about followers. Start instead with the thoughts. What thoughts are you going to offer? What can you say that nobody else can? Or said differently, what is something so important to say that you are willing to take a risk?
That’s the thing. Leadership is not about followers. Leadership is about accountability. It’s about a vision for something better and the willingness to take responsibility to make it happen.
Final advice.
I don’t care how many followers you have or how impressive you are. If you say something authentic, helpful, honest, and kind, you are not a nobody. Instead, you may have a gift that the world and our profession really need.
Get started. Trust yourself. Trust other people (at least some of the time). Use your gifts, whatever they are and even if you never saw them as gifts before. And then see what happens.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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For this reason, I am grateful to have some friends who believe the same thing. Last year, my friend Tahmina Watson invited me to participate in a meditation for peace after the news reports of devastation in Palestine began to emerge. I was grateful for the invitation because guiding meditation with a community is a truly special gift. I was also glad to be able to offer something good during that time.
Unfortunately, the situation in Palestine continues to emerge and every day brings us news reports of other problems and conflicts in the United States and around the world. The need to gather and sit in peace still exists because the need to go out into the world with kindness is so critical.
That is why Tahmina and her friend, Jigna Patel, decided to expand the meditation for peace that happened only once last year into a series of meditations, running from January to March. This Sunday, February 4th at 6 PM EST, I will be guiding the session. I have decided that an expanded version of my “Look to the Helpers” Guided Meditation is most appropriate.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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It’s that time of year when you may be getting winter coats and clothes out of the closet. If you are lucky, you may find a dollar or too in a pocket of one of your coats. Recently, I had the writing equivalent of that experience.
I was perusing the blog’s pages to check on links from guest posts I had written to see if they were still current. I saw that my old posts for Ms. JD were no longer available on their blog because they revamped their website. As a teacher of mindfulness, it was an opportunity to reflect on impermanence. Apparently even aspects of the internet are temporary.
I was sad for a minute and thought “wow, has it really been 5 years since I wrote those posts?” Indeed, it has and it’s closer to six for the early ones. But then I remembered something awesome.
In 2020, when I first started experimenting with Canva and just before I decided to launch this blog, I had created an e-book with my Ms. JD posts. I had originally intended it for another group, MothersEsquire, with which I had been involved and wrote for previously. Then I got invited to write a chapter for the #Networked book, started my meditation teacher training, and launched the blog.
In short, I forgot entirely about the e-book and just let it sit. That’s how writing projects sometimes go. You set them aside for a while as you focus on something else. It’s been a great three years and, with the publication of 2 other books and the continued growth of the blog.
Though all of these wonderful things may have provided an excuse to forget about the e-book, they also presented a wonderful opportunity to celebrate. I started writing for Ms. JD almost 6 years ago and had no plans, no goal, and no confidence that my writing would go anywhere.
Many lawyers and other professionals ask me about writing frequently. They express that they want to write more but are afraid to get started. I’m sharing the e-book for any people who might want to see how a single blog post a month can add to something bigger.
In addition, the e-book has some good things in it. It is aimed at young women lawyers because that is Ms. JD’s mission and the focus of their blog. However, it may have some ideas, practice tips, and humor for any lawyer or working professional. It addresses topics like:
the best career advice I ever received;
work-life balance and dispelling the “how do you do it all” myth;
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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The events in Jerusalem last weekend have been devastating for so many friends for a variety of reasons. This post is offered as a wish for all of the blog’s readers and friends to be happy, healthy, safe, and at ease.
On September 11th, a woman in my dorm brought me along with a group to give blood. In 2017, after the bruising election season of 2016, my mom’s group organized a donation drive to support local homeless shelters. Even though these acts didn’t solve the problems that motivated them, they did good and they helped me remember that there is always good to do.
The event is Sunday, October 15th at 7 PM PST/10 PM EST on Zoom. You can register here. Registration is required to obtain the link to join on Zoom but the event is free and open to all. I hope that you can join us but if not I plan to have a recording of the meditation on Insight Timer and in our Guided Meditations soon.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Over the years, my networking approach has generally not been a sophisticated one. I join things and show up and eventually someone encourages me to get more involved. There have been times when I have declined opportunities, but I have said “sure” far more often. I’ll admit that I have sometimes found myself exasperated and been forced to scale back. In general, though, this openness has served me very well.
To my great satisfaction, this pattern repeated itself again with the Mindfulness in Law Society. I have been a member of this group for several years, but have not been heavily involved until recently. A few years ago, a fellow lawyer reached out and asked me to lead a meditation for a young lawyers program for the American Bar Association. As it turns out, that lawyer, Christina Sava, is also involved with MILS.
In addition, people from across and outside of the United States participate in the virtual sits. I have stressed the value of meditation in a group before and I will say it again: it helps. Virtual groups are not nearly the same as in-person groups but they are far better than no group at all. I will be guiding on the 2nd Monday at 3 PM EST and the 3rd Wednesday at 5 PM EST, so come and hang out.
And, if you are in the Cincinnati area, interested in mindfulness, and in the legal profession, please reach out via email or on LinkedIn if you would like to help form and launch the chapter. You don’t have to be a meditation teacher or even an experienced meditator. Someone who cares about mental health in the legal profession is all we need.
I know we are all too busy. I also know that it’s hard to show up with a group of people you don’t know. To find a meditation community, though, that’s often the only choice. As hard as it can be to work up the courage, it’s not a bad thing. Meeting new people and joining new groups is a great way to network, build community, and learn mindfulness. Now, it seems I am the person encouraging you to get more involved. All you have to do is say “sure.”
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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It is perhaps the most commercialized and made up of all that holidays, but I have a special place in my heart for Valentine’s Day nonetheless. As a February baby, I always loved taking in pink cupcakes to share as my birthday treat for the class.
In addition, February in my home state of Kentucky tends to be a tough month to survive. By the time February rolls around, the mystique and motivation of the new year has worn off and the cold grey weather can pull even the sunniest of dispositions into the doldrums. For this reason, any excuse to spread kindness and cheer is a good idea.
This year, though, Valentine’s is extra special to me and so is my birthday. This February, I’ll be turning 40. Some people might be sad about that but I’m not. One reason is that I get to celebrate this birthday knowing I accomplished a big life goal.
Thanks to many friends from the internet, the book debuted as a #1 New Release on Amazon and has seen a great reception. As a new author, I am so grateful for the support and I want to celebrate it with my community. To do that, starting today I will be giving away 100 Kindle copies of my book on Goodreads. You can enter the drawing any time between now and February 14th. If you win, the Kindle will be automatically added to your Kindle library after Valentine’s Day.
2020 was a rough year for many of us. While we might like to rush as quickly into the future as we can, it is still unclear what the future will look like. As much as you might want to make progress and move forward after a year of what feels like sitting still, you have trouble figuring out how to do that after a year of such disruption.
I think meditation can help with this a lot because, when things feel like a mess, it can help you sit still for a moment to let things settle so you can examine what’s really there. But the special circumstances of 2020 call for extra help so I called for backup from my friend Laura Chipman. In addition to being a lawyer and mom like me, Laura is a life coach for lawyers.
Together, we offered this webinar to members of MothersEsquire where Laura led an exercise to help review 2020 and set intentions and goals for 2021. I then guided a meditation to help you acknowledge your reactions to the past and aspirations for the future and honor the emotions that arise in the process. As an added bonus, Laura created a great workbook from the event so you can work through this exercise at your own pace. Get your copy here.
Please enjoy and Happy New Year!
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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