compassion - brilliantlegalmind.com

How to Be a Badass Lawyer

Founder’s Update: I have a new book coming out this week, so I almost didn’t realize that it’s the four-year anniversary for my first book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer. My first book, A New Year’s Present, is still about mindfulness but it’s my first attempt at fiction.

When I realized that the anniversary of my first book and the release date of my new book were the same week, I almost had to laugh. It was not planned but the coincidence was nice. The first book was such a learning process and, as my first novel, so was the new one.

In addition, in the four years since How to Be a Badass Lawyer came out, I went through a lot of changes. I got additional training as a mindfulness teacher, changed law firms twice, and have written over 100 new posts on the blog.

It’s nice to reminisce before jumping forward with the new book. Stay tuned for more information about the new book later this week. For now, check out this overview of How to Be a Badass Lawyer which turns four years old today.

Why Is the Book Called “How to Be a Badass Lawyer”?

The word “badass” may not be the first one that comes to mind when most people think of lawyers. Some people may not like the word. Though the term has been thoroughly adopted into contemporary slang, I’m aware some people may be mildly offended by it. Still, it’s hard for me to deny that being a lawyer is pretty badass.

Yes, we are supposed to be rule followers. In many cases, we are hired because we are experts of the rules. But anyone who has practiced law knows that there are times when the rules don’t tell us everything. Sometimes the rules shift suddenly. And there are instances when we have to blend creativity and ingenuity to chart a course around, through, or alongside the rules for clients.

This is why lawyers, steeped in rules as we are, are not mere rule followers. Instead, our jobs position us to be badasses. Our role is to help our clients shape the future for their lives, their businesses, or their families.

Quote from foreword author Michelle Browning Coughlin on How to Be a Badass Lawyer that says "Having seen Claire share these strategies for the bar over the last several years, I am thrilled that she has shared this practical, accessible resource to help lawyers learn these essential skills in a totally new and refreshing way."

How Do Mindfulness and Compassion Equate to Being a Badass Lawyer?

Much the same way, “badass” may not be the first word that comes to mind when you think about mindfulness and compassion. The popular image of mindfulness these days is a blissed out yogi sitting on a cushion. We are more likely to think of our grandmas than a superhero when it comes to the word “compassion.”

But when you understand either of them, you realize how badass they really are (and maybe how badass your grandma was too). At it’s heart, mindfulness is accepting reality as it is without judging, resisting, or fighting it. Compassion, warm and cuddly as it sounds, is nothing less than courage. It means staying present for suffering and remaining willing to help.

In recent decades, some amazing pioneers have begun teaching lawyers about mindfulness. Much of the discussion, however, has focused on the calming aspects of mindfulness practice. To be sure, meditation can offer that and it’s not a small thing. But, my experience as a practicing lawyer has shown me that meditation has helped me so much because it helped me be okay with not being calm.

Testimonial for How to Be a Badass Lawyer from Tahmina Watson that says "Meditation changed my life. The benefits took time to emerge but with patience and practice I found myself becoming less reactive to the challenges of life. I consider the time and money I invested to learn meditation as well worth it because they were investments in myself."

Why This Meditation Book Is Different

This may be hard for some lawyers to hear. I know we can feel like we need to look composed. I know it can feel awkward and vulnerable when you can’t control your emotions. Breathing strategies can help in these situations but at a certain point something else is needed too.

That magic ingredient is compassion. It’s a word that I have seen mostly absent from discussions of stress management for lawyers. I think some people have believed lawyers wouldn’t listen. Some may have believed talking about mindfulness by itself would cover the bases.

Over the years, though, I have used compassion for myself and taught other lawyers about it. They do listen and I don’t believe merely talking about mindfulness by itself is enough. Mindfulness and compassion work together. In combination, they don’t just make us calm and soothed. They allow us to soothe ourselves and others and find clarity and stability in even the most troubling times.

Testimonial for How to Be a Badass Lawyer from Eddie Medina that says "Claire shows us the way to becoming better lawyers, and people, through compassion practices and meditation. I am grateful that she is sharing her experience and wisdom about these transformational practices.”

This Book Is Perfect for Lawyers

What could be more badass than that? And it’s clear why lawyers – who readily take on challenges for clients in the midst of risk and conflict – could use this. This is why I started teaching mindfulness and compassion to lawyers and professionals years ago.

This is why I founded this blog. And, today, this is why I wrote and published my first book: How to Be a Badass Lawyer: The Unexpected and Simple Guide to Less Stress and Greater Personal Development Through Mindfulness and Compassion.

I wrote it as a short and simple guide to help lawyers (or anyone else) understand the concepts of mindfulness and compassion and build a meditation practice of their own.

Simplifying Meditation for Busy Lawyers

Having meditated now for nearly a decade, I understand that meditation can be a challenge so the book creates a four-week program for you to build skills and stamina for meditation. As you do the practices, you’ll cultivate mindfulness, compassion, body awareness, and emotional intelligence.

The book includes no metaphysical discussions, little complicated terminology, and is actively and ardently anti-perfectionist. Admittedly, it’s a self-help book but only in the sense that it may offer some new skills, strategies, and ways of thinking that may allow you to help yourself.

Explicitly, the goal of the book isn’t to change you in any way. It’s to help you see how awesome you are because your clients, your family, your community, and the world needs it.

Quote from author Claire E. Parsons about How to Be a Badass Lawyer that says "I didn’t write this book because I thought it would change the world. I wrote it for all of you badass lawyers so that you can change the world."

Check out the book to learn more, reach out to me to discuss, or leave me a comment below. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to have written it. Achieving a goal like this has caused me to look at myself in the mirror and think “yeah, I am kind of a badass.” I want all of you to feel the same way.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Compassion in Cross-Examination: A New Model for Lawyers

In the last few weeks, I have been thinking about compassion in cross-examination. I know many lawyers may think these two concepts don’t belong together. But experience tells me that’s wrong.

I had a few experiences recently where showing kindness and thoughtfulness to other side led to excellent, arguably better, results for my clients. In addition, it felt a lot better for me.

In this post, I’ll explain why I think compassion and cross-examination can co-exist and some practical strategies lawyers can use to show kindness for everyone even while prioritizing client interests.

What Is Compassion?

As I have written before, compassion is not an emotion. It’s not a specific feeling. Instead, in the mindfulness world and in the clinical world, compassion is the response to suffering.

Some people get the idea that is foreign to lawyers. In fact, responding to suffering is precisely what lawyers do every day. This is why I usually bring up compassion when I speak to lawyers, firms, and legal groups about mindfulness.

However, many professionals in hard-hitting fields like law worry that compassion hinders our work. In contrast, I find that the opposite is true. In part, I think the fears that many people have about compassion really stem from misunderstanding it.

On area of confusion is that people conflate compassion and empathy. In reality, they are distinct. While compassion is supported by mindfulness and equanimity, empathy includes taking on the feelings of others.

Can Lawyers Show Compassion for the Other Side?

Of course, many lawyers may be thinking that compassion for an opponent or a third party witness is not permitted. That’s because lawyers owe a duty of loyalty to our clients. Because we have to put our clients first, we may think that we can’t or shouldn’t be concerned with others.

However, this is only partially true. A lawyer’s duty of loyalty to our clients is counterbalanced by other duties. In particular, lawyers have a duty to show fairness, courtesy, and respect to everyone involved in the legal process.

Beyond this, as I will discuss more below, it just isn’t true that being kind to our opponents is contrary to a lawyer’s duty of loyalty to our clients. To be sure, the primary focus for lawyers should be on serving our own clients’ interests.

The reality is that kindness to other people, even our opponents, can serve those interests. As discussed above, compassion is not the same as empathy. It is not about prioritizing the suffering of an opponent over your client or even yourself.

Instead, compassion is premised on appropriate boundaries and clarity about how we are all interrelated. As a result, lawyers can show it to our opponents and ourselves without sacrificing our duty of loyalty to our clients.

Compassion in Cross-Examination Is Good for Lawyers and Clients

When I talk about compassion, one of the things I always emphasize is that people who show it are the first to benefit from it. Since compassion is the response to suffering, we sometimes get the idea that our response is only for another person’s suffering.

This isn’t really true. Compassion is big enough to include ourselves and to include other people, even ones that we may find difficult. Moreover, when we show compassion, we benefit. Responding to suffering with a willingness to help does not weaken us. It actually makes us feel good because it causes the release of hormones associated with connection, well-being and satisfaction.

Additionally, showing kindness to our opponents may protect lawyers from the damage caused by moral injury. This occurs where we have to do something we know is wrong. For lawyers who may handle cases involving injured people or intense facts, it can hurt us to hurt others more.

In the same way, clients may benefit when lawyers can show humanity to the other side. Most trial lawyers know that likability is a huge factor in jury deliberations. Lawyers also should be concerned about how their behavior reflects on the mission of the client they represent. For example, I’m a school lawyer and the mission of my clients is to serve and educate students. In light of this, it makes no sense for me to treat the parents, students, and care providers I sometimes have to cross-examine as enemies.

In addition, most cases these days are resolved by settlement. Lawyers who exhibit overt aggression may undermine their clients because strained relationships can make resolution harder.

List of 7 ways that Lawyers Can Show Compassion in Cross-Examination as shared in this article

Practical Ways Lawyers Can Deploy Compassion in Cross-Examination

Now, even if you are convinced that compassion in cross-examination may be a good thing for lawyers, you may wonder about what it means on a practical level. To that end, I think this is more about subtle shifts intended to mitigate and reduce harm.

I’m not saying that lawyers should avoid asking hard questions. Sometimes we have to ask pointed questions to get the truth and serve our clients. But we can get intentional about making the process of cross-examination less hard on the people involved. Here are a few strategies that I have used in my own law practice.

1. Be Efficient

Testifying is hard and scary for most witnesses. The first compassionate thing that lawyers can do to show kindness to everyone involved is to avoid making it take longer than necessary. Focus your questioning on what matters. Keep your materials organized so you can move quickly through your questions. This helps the witness and it helps avoid extra expense for your client.

2. Clear Is Kind

Related to organization is clarity. Lawyers who don’t want to add stress to a cross-examination should take time in crafting their questions. Confusion leads to stress, disputes, and distrust. People say ‘clear is kind’ for a reason. If you have to ask hard questions, at least use clear, nonjudgmental language.

3. Stipulations

Most lawyers who took civil procedure probably never thought of that class as a way of showing compassion. In reality, procedural rules offer lawyers elegant solutions for efficiency and avoiding fights. Stipulations are one such tool. Carefully crafted stipulations may help you avoid asking questions about things not in dispute. This could help you avoid questions about difficult subject matters and it could benefit everyone involved.

4. Tone and Facial Expression

All of us know that our facial expressions and tone of voice affect other people. If you want to reduce suffering when cross-examining someone, carefully monitor how you are asking questions. Staying calm and steady can help you ask the questions you need to ask without adding extra stress and pressure to the situation.

5. Make Space for Emotions

Here’s an important truth about emotions: they need time and space. If you are cross-examining a witness on a sensitive subject, make space for emotions. This may mean allowing breaks. It may mean slowing down the questioning. Doing this may help you stay steady and clear while questioning and it may avoid disputes and unclear or confusing answers.

6. Learn about the Impact of Trauma

I have written before about trauma and mindfulness. Trauma can also affect witness testimony. As the public at large learns more about the impact of trauma, it makes sense for lawyers to know it too. Lawyers who can show skill and understanding when it comes to trauma are the ones who will make the best impression on juries and fact-finders in presenting their cases.

7. Deal with Your Own Emotions

If the witness or opposing counsel is difficult for you, using strategies to calm yourself before the cross-examination can help you execute your work in the way you intend it. I have also found that prioritizing my own needs before a challenging cross-examination is essential. If I have a hearing or trial coming up, I make sure I eat, sleep, and exercise before. Stress in the body leads to stress in life. This is just one way that self-care can equate to care for other people.

Conclusion: Compassion and Cross-Examination Are Compatible

If you read this post because the title surprised or confounded you, that was part of my strategy. I know many lawyers might think “compassionate cross-examination” is an oxymoron. As this post explains, I don’t think it is.

Compassion is an innate human faculty and so it belongs in law practice. Lawyers, our clients, and our opponents are all humans involved in legal matters that are tense, uncertain, and full of suffering. We don’t have to make the suffering worse to do our jobs. Instead, with some planning and intention, we can show compassion even in the most of adversarial of our endeavors: cross-examination.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How Meditation Can Help Lawyers Manage Overthinking

I have written before that mindfulness meditation has helped me manage overthinking. But I haven’t yet talked about the steps I take to deal with a specific attack of rumination.

When I first started meditating, I had pretty severe issues with thoughts. I experienced racing thoughts on a regular basis. Sometimes I let them spiral so much that I literally sat frozen in fear, with no idea how to make it all stop.

After years of meditation, that has calmed down. I can see anxiety coming and catch it much earlier. Recently, I realized that a vague spinning of my mind with no clear thoughts was the initial phase of overthinking. When I see this arise, I know meditation is the answer.

Because overthinking is a common problem for lawyers, this post will walk through the meditation steps that help me deal with it.

Recognize Overthinking and Take Action to Stop It

I have written before that not every situation calls for mindfulness. Sometimes, too much energy or too many rapid thoughts mean I have to try something else. Even so, over the years I have come to see that there are many situations in which meditation really helps.

The calling card for me which says it’s time to sit is what I will call the “vague thinking mind.” This is when I can feel myself passively thinking but without a clear object. My mind feels like the spinning wheel that shows up on your laptop when it’s trying to load. At the same time, though, I can feel that I am not in a great mood and generally feel ill at ease.

These are admittedly subtle cues. It took me years to identify them. After years of mindfulness practice, I now know that it is phase 1 of an attack of anxiety and rumination. Though this process is largely mental, I have come to see that my thinking is a symptom of fear.

When my thoughts are nonspecific but won’t stop, that’s a clear sign my thinking is not useful or productive.

Meditation Can Calm the Mind without Digging into Thoughts

Lawyers may struggle with this next one. Instead of poking and prodding to try to make my thoughts make sense, it works a lot better to take a break from them. Of course, meditation does not mean we banish all of our thoughts. If you are new to mindfulness, you can’t expect to sit down and immediately have a spotless mind.

I, however, have been practicing for more than a decade. I know my mind very well. Though my mind used to be overactive in the past, it has now slowed down to bearable levels. In addition, I know that after a few minutes of breath focus, my mind will eventually cool it.

This gives me a chance to sit and rest for a moment. My once foggy brain suddenly feels clear. It stops spinning and I can see what’s really going on.

Notice here that I am not saying that I meditate and immediately ask myself what my deal is. I know this can be a difficult habit for lawyers to break. If you can, resist the urge to dig into the thoughts and put them under an internal microscope. I also don’t judge myself or tell myself to cut it out.

Instead, I give my mind another job to do – focus on the breath. That helps me calm down and take a rest from the spinning wheels.

Greet Your Emotions with Mindfulness

Have you ever been upset about a problem and it felt overwhelming? Then you calmed down and suddenly you could see how to fix it? Lawyers probably have a lot of experience with this. In much the same way, when I calm down in meditation I feel like I can handle things. In fact, I usually feel like I can handle almost anything that comes up.

There’s a simple word for this. It’s safety. When I meditate and calm down enough, I feel safe again. That safety gives me confidence.

With safety restored and the spinning wheel in my mind paused, I can parse through what is bugging me. Again, I don’t dig into this directly. My mind and body usually tell me what they need. They may supply thoughts or memories about something that has bothered me.

More likely than not, emotions may arise in my heart or belly. My years of practice serve me well here. I just sit with them and feel. This isn’t always pleasant but it doesn’t last too long. I let them come, deliver their message, and go.

As someone with anxiety, these emotions are usually some variety of fear. Sometimes loneliness, boredom, frustration, or sadness make an appearance.

Care for the Fear Underlying the Overthinking

Then I usually finish my sit with some form of heart (or kindness) practice. Most of the time it is a variety of loving-kindness. More recently, and especially with my episodes of anxiety thinking mind, I have focused a lot on compassion for myself.

I wish myself well, offering phrases like these:

May I experience belonging;
May I take care of myself;
May my suffering come to an end;
May I accept my own goodness; o
May I greet my life with joy;
May I ask for and accept help;
May I remember goodness; and
May I trust myself.

Sure, these phrases are soft and may seem awkward to many lawyers. They are vulnerable. Years ago, I probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to share them with anyone. But if you say these phrases to yourself enough, you start to believe them.

The long story short here is that I respond to my own emotions and all my mental worry with care. Instead of judgment, I respond with kindness. I don’t make myself false promises. These aren’t affirmations that life will always be rosy and my fears will never materialize.

Instead, they are restatements of my values and new commitments to them. In their own way, they are like a tiny plan b. If my worst fears do arise, how I will get through it? With kindness and trust in myself and by seeking out and accepting help from others.

Image listing the 4 steps to manage overthinking in meditation for lawyers as shared in this post

This Is How Meditation Can Help Lawyers Tend to Overthinking

This is how meditation helps me fight off overthinking. Sure, this takes some time and practice. Most of my mindfulness sessions are about thirty minutes. And I have practiced this for over a decade. But this time is usually well spent.

Not only do I get my mindfulness practice done for the day. I get to spend the rest of my time more clear-headed and less worried. This means I can engage more directly in whatever activities I have planned for the day. It also means I can be totally present for the good thing and joyful moments that arise.

If you are dealing with overthinking that is more intense, other strategies may be necessary before you can tolerate sitting meditation. That’s okay. If you give yourself time and patience, you eventually will be able to see the signs of anxiety and rumination earlier and earlier. And then you can figure out how meditation can support you best as you deal with it.

As a warning to the lawyers out there, the point here is not perfection. The point here is not to banish all thoughts. Instead, the point is to stay present in our lives with an open heart even though our minds struggle to cope with the reality of our lives. As this post shows, though, we can learn to do that and meditation can help.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Can Lawyers Be Convinced that Laziness Does Not Exist?

You can’t ignore a book with a title like Laziness Does Not Exist. It’s bold. Many lawyers might argue that it’s controversial. As soon as I heard it, I knew I had to read it.

Most of you probably aren’t surprised that a mindfulness teacher was interested in a book about laziness. After all, I encourage other lawyers to spend more time doing nothing in this blog on a weekly basis.

But, of course, idleness is not something we lawyers take to easily. As I will share in this review, I loved Laziness Does Not Exist (“LDNE”) by Devon Price because it helps us unpack why we dislike and fear laziness so much. (paid link) It also offers sound practices for gradually unwinding our individual and societal issues around laziness.

Keep reading to learn more about why I liked the book so much and what it may offer to you.

The Book Offers Deep Insights for Lawyers who May Fear Laziness.

Despite it’s seemingly simple title, LDNE is more than an argument about the nonexistence of laziness. Instead, it’s more of a conversation about our cultural and individual feelings about work and effort. It posits that a collection of values around work and productivity have congealed into “the laziness lie.”

These assumptions, asserting that passivity is bad and activity is good, often manipulate us all into a pattern of overwork. As a mindfulness practitioner and teacher, I was already attuned to many red flags of this nature. For instance, I understand that rest is essential and not a reward for good behavior. I have written many times before about the connection between overwork, exhaustion, and striving for perfection. And I have even talked about the idea that doing nothing can sometimes be a power move.

Even so, as I read LDNE, I was repeatedly impressed by how much Price offered deep insights on these subjects. He didn’t skim the surface by making a generic plea for us to appreciate the importance of self-care. Instead, he went deep in explaining how laziness got such a bad rap in our culture. Then he invites each of us to explore how our own fear of being regarded as lazy causes each of us to overwork, whether at work, with our personal habits, or even in our relationships.

In various ways, the book is full of insights. It reframes fundamental issues that will change your mind, whether you start off believing in laziness or not.

Image of question that asks lawyers how often do you call yourself or someone else lazy?

It Also Shares Useful Tips to Help Lawyers to Set Boundaries.

More significantly, the insights in LDNE weren’t offered just to produce “aha” moments. Instead, they are intended to help each of us give ourselves a break. LDNE does this by offering a variety of useful strategies and practices to get oneself out of the grind created by the laziness lie.

Most relevant to lawyers, these include tips and strategies for managing one’s work day and work life. For instance, it explained that small breaks at work can actually boost productivity.Th

Quite correctly, though, the tips are not just restricted to work. In this age of political polarization and upheaval, I found the chapters four and five to be the most useful. In these chapters, Price discussed the traps we can set for ourselves when we get too invested in world and political events or when we try to maximize our achievement even in our leisure time.

I found these chapters useful because I have struggled with both of these things. Despite my busy and stressful law practice, I have still found it a challenge to not take on every social cause as my personal mission. It also can be tough for lawyers to turn our competitive and goal-oriented personas from work when he get home.

This can cause us to track and document on social media every activity in our lives to the point where we leave ourselves no place to rest. It was helpful that the chapters both offered permission and practical strategies to gradually find more ease with these life activities.

A summary of the book review shared in this article of Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

Encourages compassion and understanding for yourself and others

Perhaps my favorite thing about LDNE is that the overall mission of the book is one that encourages greater compassion and understanding for oneself and others. In the end, the big message that you may get from reading LDNE is that calling someone, including yourself, lazy is often the result of failing to look closely or clearly at a situation.

Price encourages us all to stop reflexively calling ourselves or others lazy when we struggle. Instead, he asks us to look more closely to understand what may be causing the problem. In many situations doing so may help us identify a very logical reason why effort, work, and motivation are a challenge.

But I also appreciated that LDNE also addressed the reality that many of us, especially lawyers, tend to criticize ourselves more than anyone else for alleged laziness. Though I would not call LDNE a self-help book, it does offer some helpful strategies in this regard. It wisely discussed the value of meditation, simply feeling one’s feelings, and even writing about one’s experiences as helpful ways of confronting our own personal hang-ups and self-judgments when it comes to laziness.

Laziness Does Not Exist Is a Good Read for Lawyers

Overall, Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price is an easy to read, insightful, and well-structured book that will change your mind. It will help you identify the ways that worries about laziness come up in your own life and work. It may help you develop strategies to work a little less in ways that aren’t consistent with your values. But the end goal isn’t lazy at all. It is courage to look more clearly at the world, yourself, and other people so that you can act with greater kindness and compassion.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Upcoming Lawyer Events for Mindfulness and Compassion

I’m relaxing on family vacation this week, but I realized I have two great events coming up next week. Lawyers interested in mindfulness and attorney well-being may like to hear about them. In fact, both events are raising money for good causes so I hope you will check them out.

This post will share details about each of the events and provide the details for how lawyers can register and participate.

Will Work for Food

The first event coming up next week ticks all the boxes. It covers an interesting topic, it’s aimed lawyers, and it is for a good cause. Will Work for Food – the New Possibilities Hour is an initiative of my friend, Jean Lawler and other dispute resolution professionals. Jean is a great lawyer but she spends much of her time mediating cases now.

She started Will Work for Food with friends to educate people about the mediation process and raise money for charity in the process. To do this, she brings in experts from various fields to talk and teach about an issue that comes up in mediation.

The Topic: Anger in Conflict Resolution

Jean and her friends saw my past working and writing on anger management and asked me to talk about that. Anger is definitely something that can get in the way at mediation. For that reason, Jean and I will talk about how mindfulness can help us manage it and even harness the energy of anger for good.

This session will be an interview about anger, and how it shows up in law practice and conflict resolution. We’ll also discuss what mindfulness offers in terms of anger management and why it’s a whole lot more than a few breathing strategies. Instead, you might be surprised to learn that anger may have some hidden benefits.

Why Lawyers Should Watch

It is free to watch and participate in this session, but Will Work for Food encourages everyone watching to donate to food banks. As a big fan of cooking myself, I elected to support the humanitarian work of renowned Chef, Jose Andres, at World Central Kitchen.

I like World Central Kitchen because it sends food and volunteers to where it is needed most urgently around the world. WCK goes to locations hit by natural disasters, war and conflict, and even disease.

Of course, my episode will only be a drop in the bucket in addressing hunger on a worldwide basis. But Will Work for Food has already raised over $1 Million since it started in 2020. Join us to be a part of that impact.

When and How Lawyers Can Join or Watch

The live event is online on June 25th at 8 AM PST / 11 PM EST. You can find register for the event on Zoom or watch live on LinkedIn. If you join live, you can engage and ask questions in the comments or chat.

If you wish to catch the interview later, you can find the recording on LinkedIn or view it on the Will Work for Food website.

Thriving in Law Summit

This Summit is organized by lawyer and coach, Gina Steele. It is a 4-day Virtual Online Event designed specifically for legal professionals looking to transform their practice and their lives. Have you ever looked at a conference schedule that looked great but you didn’t have the time to attend?

This event is different. It boasts an array of wonderful speakers on a range of topics relating to lawyer well-being. But it gives you the flexibility to decide when and how to watch. Topics include mindfulness, compasion, communication, time management, and more.

The Topic: Compassion for Lawyers

My session is entitled “Becoming a Badass Lawyer: How Self-Compassion and Compassion Towards Others Helps Lawyers Succeed and Thrive.” In this one-hour interview, Gina asks me to break down how and why lawyers should cultivate compassion for self and others.

We discuss the impediments to compassion that are inherent to law practice, but also strategies and practices for removing those blockages. I also share studies and stories that help lawyers see that greater compassion and less stress are real possibilities for them.

Why Lawyers Should Register

This Summit is intended for lawyers who want to:

energize their law practice;
learn new ways to manage stress;
optimize their workday; and
be inspired.

Like the event above, the Thriving in Law Sumit is also supporting a good cause. Our society faces a critical gap in access to justice. For many underserved and marginalized communities, competent legal representation is out of reach. Lincoln Law School is working to close this gap by transforming determined, hardworking adults into practice-ready, ethical advocates. Those who donate to Lincoln Law School will have access to the Summit videos for a year.

When and How Lawyers Can Watch

The Summit runs from June 25-28, 2026. Each day, all scheduled interviews will be available at 9:00 am PDT/12:00 pm EDT and will remain available until the end of day June 30, 2026. You can register through Gina’s website here and get access to all the videos next week.

This means that you can watch the videos on your own time in a way that fits your schedule.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Taking It Easy This Well-Being Week in Law

For the first time in a few years, I am looking forward to a relatively easy Well-Being Week in Law. In case you didn’t know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The first week of the month is appropriately dedicated to promoting well-being in the legal profession. As a mindfulness teacher, this is often a busy week for me.

But, as a school lawyer too, this time of year is otherwise hectic for me. I have a few nice events lined up this week, which I share below. In addition, I am looking forward to some rest after a busy April and a lot of speaking engagements.

Guiding Meditation with the Mindfulness in Law Society

Image showing dates when founder Claire E. Parsons is leading virtual sits for the Mindfulness in Law Society from May to August 2026

The first event for the week is easy and enjoyable for me. On Wednesday, May 6th at 5 PM, I will guide the virtual sit for the Mindfulness in Law Society. I have been involved with the Mindfulness in Law Society for a few years now. Having worked with the group for so long, I now get a strong sense of community from it.

If you have never attended one of the virtual sits before, Well-Being Week in Law is a great week to try it out. For one thing, it is very beneficial to support your meditation practice with sitting in community. In addition, the Mindfulness in Law Society virtual sits are free to attend, easy to access, and led by trained teachers.

To access the sessions, you can find more details and the link to join on my events page. Even if you are very new to meditation practice, the session this week will be perfect at beginners and refreshing for experienced meditators. Since my personal theme this week is keeping things simple and taking it easy, I’ll be guiding a practice with built in breaks.

If you are a lawyer, law student, law professor, or work for a court system or law firm, please join the session.

Interview for the Thriving in Law Summit

Banner for The First Annual Thriving in Law Virtual Summit, May 28–31, 2026, to help lawyers find ways to support their well-being.

On Friday, I will also be talking about one of my favorite topics: self-compassion with fellow lawyer and coach, Gina Steele. Gina asked me to record an interview with her for her Thriving in Law Summit. I love the title she selected, “Becoming a Badass Lawyer: How Self-Compassion and Compassion Towards Others Helps Lawyers Succeed and Thrive.”

In the session, Gina and I will discuss how essential self-compassion and compassion for others are to law practice. We’ll also discuss how real lawyers in the midst of stress and busy lives can cultivate compassion.

I have not known Gina for long, but I found her easy to grounded, easy to talk to, and real. Our conversation will be great for lawyers who want actionable steps for taking better care of themselves and others as they do difficult but important work.

In case you are struggling with conference season like I have been, you may be pleased to know that the Thriving in Law Summit is virtual and free to attend. You must register for access at the link above or on my events page.

How I Plan to Support My Own Well-Being

As a school lawyer, it’s too busy right now for me to take any time off next week. I will be trying my best to take it easy this week otherwise. I still have one more conference later this month. I’ll be ending the month in Boston to speak at the DRI Employment and Labor Law Seminar.

In the intervening weeks, I am making a point to rest as much as I can. This week, I plan to work at home a few days. This will leave me some extra time to do the restorative activities that help me recharge. Most certainly, in addition to meditation, this will include cooking, getting outside, exercise, and lots of sleep. If I am lucky, I may find the energy to do some writing, including on my forthcoming novel.

However, you plan to spend the week, I hope it is one that supports your well-being and the wellness of those around you.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Compassion in Action: A Lawyer’s Experience with Bone Marrow Donation

Image of Tiffany Blackmon while making a bone marrow donation with title of blog post that says "Compassion in Action: A Lawyer's Experience with Bone Marrow Donation"

Fouder’s Note: I have written before about how we are the first people to benefit when we show compassion for others. This interview shows how true this is. I know Tiffany Blackmon through a Facebook group for lawyer moms. It was easy to see right away that Tiffany was civic-minded and had a generous spirit that exceeded the bounds of her law practice. Recently, I saw her post about making a life-saving bone marrow donation and I asked her to do an interview here. I hope you enjoy reading her story of courage and compassion.

Q: Tell me about yourself and your law practice.

I’ve represented clients in Social Security cases, worked in insurance defense, and served as a career law clerk before moving into my current role as General Counsel for Cascadia Health, the largest community-based behavioral health and substance use treatment services organization in Oregon.

In my current role, I oversee the legal, compliance, and housing departments within the organization, and enjoy the opportunity to work on a wide array of work, including privacy work, AI governance, and representing the organization in administrative hearings and other matters.

Outside of work, I stay busy raising 3 kids, and I’m an active volunteer with the PTA and Junior League of Portland. I enjoy traveling (working on visiting all 50 states before I turn 40!), trying new restaurants, and attending art and theatre events in my free time.

Q: How did you learn about and get involved with bone marrow donation?

I saw an article shared on social media about how the bone marrow donor registry needed an array of diverse donors. It explained that the markers used to match a donor and a patient are inherited based on ancestry- making it far more likely a patient will be compatible with a donor who is from the same ethnic background.

I thought that was really interesting, and started looking into the topic more. My research revealed that only 30% of patients have a family member who is a compatible donor, which is why registries are so necessary. After talking with family and friends about what I had learned and the donor registry, and decided to join the registry myself.

Getting on the registry was a simple process. I completed a form online, and received a box in the mail that only required swabbing my cheek and sending it back in. Over the years, I then received a couple check-ins over the years to confirm my contact information/interest, but no work was required on my end to remain on the registry.

Q: What was the bone marrow donation experience like for you?

It was a great learning experience. Reading all the materials that the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP) sent, and talking with their staff helped me gain so much knowledge. It had been seven years since joining the registry before I was matched with a patient. It was exciting to receive the call that I had matched with someone after the long waiting period.

I went through the initial screening call, labs, and a physical exam before being cleared to donate. For the days leading up to the donation, a nurse came to my home to give me Filgrastim injections that are needed to help increase stem cell production. The side effects of the injections were not too severe for me, with just one day of more significant fatigue requiring a nap.

I traveled from Portland, OR up to Seattle, where I was scheduled to donate. NMDP coordinates the travel, and helps support you through the whole process. You’re able to bring a companion with you, and my mother was able to travel with me to help with transportation after the donation. We spent a day at the donation site (the donations typically take 4-6 hours, though mine took 8 hours). There was also some time to explore Seattle, a city I always love to visit. I was sore after the donation, but able to travel home the next day.

Image of lawyer Tiffany Blackmon with quote from interview that says "It felt impactful to be able to make a difference in this tangible way: bone marrow donation. How amazing is it that a few injections, and a few visits to medical offices on my part can save someone's life?"

Q: What did you gain from the experience of making a bone marrow donation?

It was a really positive experience to get to help someone else in such a significant way. When I explained to my kids what I was doing, I explained I was helping someone who we didn’t know, who was my dad’s age. They understood that I may be helping someone else’s grandpa, and they thought that was really cool. It was such a learning experience to get to talk through with them, and I think it had a positive impact on them and I hope inspires them to donate someday.

I’ve also enjoyed being able to connect with other donors, and learn about their experiences. It’s amazing to see how many people have donated to strangers-not just in our country, but all over the world. The staff are also passionate about the work, and that added to the experience, being able to be surrounded by a team of people who are all so dedicated to helping others is a unique and great experience to have.

Q: As a busy lawyer and parent, how did you find the time to do the donation?

NMDP works with you to schedule the donation, and my employer was supportive in helping me be able to fit the time off into my schedule. I worked from home when needed. One of the days I was too sore and fatigued from the injections to go into the office, so that really helped.

I have family members who live with chronic medical conditions, and have worked with numerous people with untreatable or incurable conditions. There are a lot of medical issues and other situations that we have no control over and cannot do anything about. Although there are still many ways I can’t make a difference, it felt impactful to be able to make a difference in this tangible way. How amazing is it that a few injections, and a few visits to medical offices on my part can save someone’s life?

Q: What is one lesson from the experience that you want other lawyers to know?

While it can be stressful to take time off of work to donate, or to impact community members in other ways, such as through volunteering, it is so worth it. It’s a great opportunity to get out of the office, meet other people who are positively impacting others in ways beyond what we see in the legal field, and remind ourselves that there is so much life outside of work.

Q: What resources relating to bone marrow donation do you want to share?

This page has a lot of great information available:Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) | Blood Stem Cell

NMDP has additional information available, and the details on how to join the registry: Join the donor registry | NMDP (Formerly Be The Match)

For expectant parents, cord blood can also be donated: Options for Umbilical Cord Blood Banking & Donation | Blood Stem Cell

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Mindfulness and Grief: Finding Peace in Loss

The last week was filled with grief for me because my dog of nearly 16 years passed away. She was very old and ill, and we had to put her down. I had never had to euthanize a pet before so this was even more challenging. Looking back, I saw the many ways that my mindfulness practice helped me get through it.

Grief is a part of life for all of us at some point. It can be a hard thing for lawyers to experience because the emotion often comes with a huge lack of control. There is no way to make grief easy, but I experienced this week that mindfulness can help us avoid making it worse.

Here are the things I noticed this week as I let my mindfulness training help me work my way through grief.

Mindfulness Can Help You Not Make Grief Worse

As I sat with my scared sick dog in the vet’s office, I was pretty sad and scared too. And you know what? That was a perfectly appropriate response to the situation.

Mindfulness isn’t about trying to turn situations into ones that we would prefer. Instead, it is about accepting how things are. I was sad in that moment because it was a sad moment. The good news, as I experienced, was that I didn’t make it worse by trying to pretend.

As we all know, sadness is not a pleasant emotion. But from experience I can say that it feels better than being sad and trying to pretend I am not. Sadness also feels better than being sad and ignoring reality or resisting my feelings.

Acceptance is perhaps the hardest part of mindfulness to learn because it means we have to confront the parts of life that we may not like. The gold on the other side, though, is that we get to see and feel the peace that comes with not making things worse.

Image with quote from blog post about mindfulness and grief that says "Sadness is not a pleasant emotion, but it feels better than being sad and trying to pretend I am not."

Mindfulness Can Help You Avoid Overwhelm

Another reason mindfulness helps with grief is that it can help you manage overwhelm. Sometimes when grief comes, we don’t have any choice but to be overwhelmed. Of course, nobody should fault themselves for feeling that way either.

In my situation, though, I really needed to avoid overwhelm because I wanted to stay as steady as possible to help my dog. As sad as the situation was for me, it was much scarier for her. In addition, I was her person. She had bonded to me and so I wanted to be a support for her.

As I sat in the vet’s office holding my dog, tears and sadness came. But I used my breath to ground and soothe myself. I kept my attention in my body, feeling the weight of her body on me as I waited. The situation was sad but I was able to stay in my window of tolerance as I experienced it. This helped me help my dog as I faced what I needed to face without overwhelm.

Responding to Grief with Kindness

One of the important ways that mindfulness can help us avoid overwhelm is that it isn’t just training clear awareness but kind awareness. In times of difficulty in mindfulness practice, we train the skill of responding to ourselves with care and concern instead of judgment and criticism.

This kindness helps us see clearly and opens the possibility for us to take wise and skillful actions. As I sat in the vet’s office with little control in a sad situation, kindness came out automatically.

I tried to support my husband and let him support me during the experience. As I mentioned, I was focused primarily on reducing my dog’s fear and pain. And I showed appreciation for the staff at the vet’s office and let their show of kindness affect me.

The hard reality is that kindness does not fix all problems. Kindness didn’t make the situation less sad, but it did make it bearable. In that hard moment, I was glad that I and the others in the room responded to the grief with kindness.

Image with quote from blog post about mindfulness and grief that says "Kindness does not fix all problems, but it can help to make a hard situation bearable. "

Remembering the Good Supports Equanimity

When I first started exploring mindfulness, I was confused about equanimity. In times of grief, the idea of equanimity – not being thrown off balance – feels like it doesn’t make sense. How can we be nonreactive in a situation where we are clearly sad?

Years of practice have helped me see the equanimity does not mean that we don’t feel things deeply. Instead, it means that we can allow ourselves to just feel. By this, I means we can feel how we feel without attaching more onto it, blocking it, or clinging to it.

One way that I find equanimity in challenging times is by coming back to the things and people in my life that are good. In times of grief, this can be hard. Sometimes sadness can make us want to stay sad or reach for things that are sad.

As I left the vet’s office, though, I couldn’t help but see the good in the situation. My dog had died, but she had lived a very long and mostly healthy life. She died surrounded by her family and caring medical providers and she was not in pain long.

This recognition helped me see that this sad situation, like so many others in life, was also infused with joy, kindness, and good memories. In hard times, remembering the good is essential. I was glad my mindfulness practice helped me remember it on that sad day.

Mindfulness Practice Cultivates Kind Attention When You Need It Most

By no means can a blog post with a few points about mindfulness wave grief away like a magic wand. And I don’t claim that mindfulness practice can do that either. But it can help. Sometimes during hard times, even a little bit of help and a little bit of kind attention can go a long way. With mindfulness practice, you can cultivate kind attention so it is there for you when you need it most.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Mindfulness and Your Top 5 Mental Patterns Revealed

Even if you aren’t a Spotify user, you probably heard about the Wrapped year-end reviews last week. Wrapped is a feature that summarizes the year in audio for Spotify users. It lists your top artists, top songs, and this year even provides a listening age.

As I heard friends and contacts share stories about this, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if our minds had a similar feature. What would it be like if, each year, we got a list of our top 5 mental patterns?

What If You Got a Yearly Report of Your Mental Patterns?

What if our minds generated some kind of fun video for us to watch and play back our inner audio over the past year? I can’t decide if I would want to watch this video or not. When it comes to music, it can be fun to reflect on the albums and songs that made your year. Thoughts and emotions, though, can be another matter.

In truth, learning about your mental patterns and repetitious thoughts is one of the principal benefits of mindfulness practice. Once you practice meditation enough, you can generate your own mental version of the Spotify Wrapped.

Mindfulness Can Help You Identify Your Top 5 Mental Patterns

Mindfulness practice may help you learn what your top 5 mental tendencies are. For instance, after more than 10 years of meditation, I know that my top 5 usually includes: (1) planning; (2) worrying; (3) wondering; (4) spacing out; and (5) writing. Seriously, my mind is often writing when I meditate whether I am trying to write something or not.

You start to catch repetitious nasty internal phrases. Again, mine include: (1) you aren’t good at this; (2) you will fail; (3) nobody likes you; (4) I’m so embarrassed; and (5) why doesn’t everyone recognize how amazing I am?

Meditation may even help you learn that emotional reactions are part of larger patterns. All my years meditating have helped me see that my top 5 challenging emotions are: (1) anxiety; (2) fear; (3) doubt; (4) anger (that’s hiding anxiety); and (5) loneliness/alienation.

On the flip side, mindfulness practices also helped me see that my top 5 positive emotions are: (1) generosity; (2) humor; (3) compassion; (4) courage; and (5) creativity. This means that sometimes meditation can help us see and embrace our wholesome qualities.

Image listing an example of top 5 mental patterns revealed by mindfulness practice as shared in the blog post

Seeing the Mental Patterns Is Hard but Worthwhile

Unlike the Spotify Wrapped, which usually may be fun or at least funny to see, reckoning with these inner mental and emotional patterns can more of a gut check. Even so, it is worth it because awareness that something has become a pattern provides important information.

1. You Can Take Them Less Personally.

First, seeing your patterns with mindfulness helps you to take things less personally. In the moment, our thoughts and feelings can seem to be really big and important. Mindfulness practice helps you see these incidents as part of a pattern. This helps you zoom out in terms of perspective. You can see an incident as a data point and watch for where your reaction leads instead of being mired in all the messy details.

2. You See How You Can Change the Pattern.

Second, this broader perspective produced in meditation can create the clarity needed to change the pattern. As I have written before, it is exceptionally hard to change habits and patterns. Yet, one of the things that can help us do so is by taking a good clear look at where they lead. Mindfulness can help us see this and it gives us the opportunity to take the steps to make a change.

3. You Gain Motivation to Change the Pattern.

Finally, seeing the reaction or behavior as a pattern helps you appreciate its impact. As I mentioned, changing habits is hard work. It takes discipline and thoughtfulness and a whole lot of self-compassion. In many cases, it can feel daunting even to try to make a change. But, when you see that something is part of a pattern, you can see that it’s not just a singular incident.

In this way, you can see the connection between your singular reaction and the broader state of your life. You can see how your behavior today leads to the circumstances you will face tomorrow and potentially for months and years to come.

Mindfulness Can Help You See Patterns and Change Your Life

As I shared above, I have always struggled with fear and anxiety. It arose in nearly every situation for me. To be honest, it still arises in many situations today. Mindfulness practice helped me see that my anxiety was not just the product of my immediate conditions, but was instead part of a bigger pattern.

Once I saw this, I was in a position to see how much anxiety detracted from my life and kept me from the things I wanted. This was a painful acknowledgement, but it is what motivated me, in very slow and small steps, to change.

For this reason, it is understandable why we all love to hear about our top song, artist, and album lists at the end of the year. Reflecting on our patterns can be a fun thing to do in the case of our music and media choices. It can remind us of the songs that made our years great or helped us cope with a challenging year.

Image that asks the sort of scary question "what would your top 5 mental patterns of the year be?"

At the Year End, Consider Noting Your Top 5 Mental Patterns Too

In the case our minds, taking stock of our patterns can be an interesting exercise too. When it comes to mental patterns and inner reactions, though, seeing things clearly can be a bit more complex. Unlike the Spotify Wrapped, noting the top thoughts or patterns that consume our mental energy can be a bit more challenging.

Even so, I think it is still worth it. Most of us will forget our Spotify Wrapped within a week after we see them each December. Once mindfulness practice helps you see your mental patterns, though, it is hard to forget what they are. It not only opens up new possibilities for change. It also creates a little more space for self-kindness.

At the end of the year, while you are compiling your top lists, it may be interesting to consider your top 5 mindfulness lists too. What occupied your mind most this year? What mental patterns were the most frequent for you? What common phrases played in your mind on a loop?

I don’t promise that reflecting in this way is as fun as seeing your Spotify Wrapped, but when viewed with mindfulness and self-compassion, it may open up fresh possibilities for the new year.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Five Reasons Kindness Is Essential for Lawyers

In honor of World Kindness Day, I am giving a talk this week on the power of kindness for lawyers and legal professionals. Many lawyers are skeptical of kindness, at least in relation to our work. We worry that kindness will be viewed as weakness by others and lead to passivity in ourselves.

Clearly, I don’t have illusions that I can convince an entire profession on this point, but I don’t think I have to do any convincing. If you pay attention to what kindness really is, you will see that it is powerful and essential for lawyers today. Here are five things to consider as you explore this for yourself.

1. Kindness Is Rare for Lawyers and Therefore Precious.

As a general matter, I have had mostly positive experiences with other lawyers. In general, I have experienced that lawyers are polite and professional in most settings. Real kindness, on the other hand, is more rare.

As discussed below, law practice is often challenging and filled with stress. This both makes kindness more essential and also more challenging. As most of us know, the difference between a difficult and unbearable situation is kindness. I cannot tell you how much of a difference it makes to work with an opposing counsel who is kind. We communicate more effectively and work through problems more efficiently as a result.

Though I know that many clients think they want a bulldog lawyer, I have found those types of litigators to often be ineffective. Therefore, if you want to really show power, calm, control, and courage in law practice, being kind is the way to go.

2. Kindness Is Essential in Difficult Times.

I have written before that kindness is an essential trait for difficult times. Lawyers, of course, are usually dealing with difficult times. We are literally paid to manage other people’s problems. This means our stock and trade is dealing with people going through really hard situations.

If lawyers are to weather these storms, we must learn skills for caring for ourselves and others. Sometimes this may include tending to our own fears, worries, and hurts. Sometimes it may mean patience with a stressed or unskillful opponent. And sometimes it may mean showing calm courage for our scared clients.

Either way, kindness is essential for lawyers because it helps us and our clients navigate challenging situations.

3. Kindness Is An Antidote to Fear and Aggression.

Because stress and conflict is a big part of law practice, fear and aggression unfortunately are too. This can be hard for our clients, but it is definitely hard for lawyers. One of the reasons that kindness is so powerful is that it helps people feel safe or at least safer.

In this way, kindness is an antidote to fear and aggression. It is a way that we can calm our own nerves and built trust and safety with those around us. Kindness may not make fear and aggression disappear entirely but it can help us create a sense of steadiness and comfort during emotional upheaval.

This can help lawyers focus more squarely on the relevant issues and avoid creating additional fights.

Image sharing the five ways that kindness is essential for lawyers as shared in the blog post

4. Kindness Builds the Connections that Lawyers Need.

Related to the feeling of safety is trust. Most lawyers know that relationships are at the core of law practice. Relationships permeate what we do as lawyers, including those with our firm, opposing counsel, and clients.

Kindness is a way to build trust because it is how we demonstrate care and concern for others. One of the reasons that litigation is so difficult is that trust is often lacking between parties and legal counsel as well. This is one reason that kind and professional speech is so important in litigation contexts.

When trust is lacking, it is easy to misunderstand each other and overreactions are bound to occur. Kindness is a way to cut through this animosity and rebuild the trust that is so essential to our working relationships.

5. Kindness Looks Soft but Feels Like Power.

The best and final argument I can make for kindness is not an argument at all. That’s because the best argument for kindness is in the experience of it. Lawyer struggle with kindness because it is easy to misunderstand.

In many situations, kindness has a softness to it. When we feel kindly towards someone, we may feel a softening of our hearts and a sense of generosity towards them. When someone is kind to us, we may notice a quiet, soothing voice and a non-threatening posture.

Next time you offer or experience kindness, though, I urge you to pay closer attention. Though kindness undoubtedly has a softness to it, it often also includes stability, calm, courage, and support. In this way, even though kindness may look soft to an observer, it often feels powerful to those who give and receive it.

In truth, kindness is power because it offers us the possibility of transforming a situation or building a connection with a little bit of courage, presence, and an open heart.

Don’t Take My Word for It. Try This for Yourself.

Here’s the truth: you probably already know how essential kindness is. Most of us wouldn’t have gotten as far as we have without kindness in our lives. Even so, most of us would love to have more kindness in our lives. If you are nervous about showing more kindness in your life or work, you aren’t alone. Kindness takes courage, discipline, and patience.

But when you pay attention, you may notice that it feels really good and usually leads to even better results. That’s what this post was really about anyway. I hope it helps you know where to look and to look for when it comes to kindness in your life and work. The more you study and notice kindness, the more you will want to experience and share it with others.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media: