This is a short post this week, but it is a great one. The next step in the publication of my new book is here. The Kindle format of my first work of fiction, A New Year’s Present, is available for pre-order!
I’ll briefly explain what the book is about, why you may want to read it, and then I will explain how you can find it.
In this case, A New Year’s Present is a fable about mindfulness. I wrote it about a lawyer to address the specific challenges that lawyers face. In truth, though, the themes and ideas are appropriate for anyone.
In the story, a lawyer finds herself in personal crisis. Her boyfriend leaves her. Her mom is sick. She’s alienated from her sister. And she’s rude to a new associate at work. She goes on a meditation retreat for questionable reasons.
I’ll be the first to admit that a novel set during a meditation retreat is a challenge. That’s because most of know that meditation can be boring. It’s one of the inherent challenges of the practice.
Why on earth would you read a story about a meditation retreat? Well, one reason is that it gives you a chance to learn about mindfulness while reading a nice holiday story.
I’ll be upfront here. I’m new to fiction writing. Even so, I think the story has some heart. If you ever try meditation, you start to realize that our inner lives actually can be fascinating to watch.
The good thing about this book, though, is that just slightly longer than A Christmas Carol. That means you can learn these insights in just a few hours.
Where Can You Get the Book?
Eventually, A New Year’s Present will be available in various formats and on most online booksellers. For now, the book is only available for pre-order in the Kindle format on Amazon.
That means if you prefer hardback or paperback, you need to wait until November when the book is fully released. Likewise, if you prefer other booksellers, like Barnes and Noble or BookShop, that won’t be available until November either.
However, if you are fine with purchasing on Amazon and like to read on your Kindle, now is the time. The pre-order price on Amazon is likely to be the lowest price ever for the book. It is currently listed at $2.99 for the Kindle edition.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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These days, part of being a lawyer is learning how to manage your mental health in a busy schedule. The last few weeks have been pretty hectic for me. Billable hours demands shot up rapidly. I had extra back to school meetings to attend for my kids. And I am still working through the final steps on my first novel.
In the midst of all of this, it can be hard to find time for fun and personal satisfaction. That’s why this post is about why lawyers should plan their fun and build it into their calendars.
Lawyers Are Too Busy Not to Plan Ahead
Lawyers are busy people and sometimes this can get in the way of planning fun things for ourselves. It’s easy to think of activities done purely for our personal enjoyment as non-priorities. After all, client demands, billable hours, and family obligations have big claims on our time and attention.
If this is taken to the extreme, though, lawyers will never make time for ourselves. It’s not like the obligations above truly ever stop. However, the only way to make them pause it to set personal boundaries.
In my experience, it’s not enough to set a weak boundary by merely setting a passive intention to make time for yourself. Instead, it works better to set a firm boundary by making real plans. This means, buying the tickets, marking the event on your calendar, and committing to plans with friends or loved ones.
As a young lawyer, I struggled with this a lot because I worried that I would get busy and have to break my plans. This may have happened once or twice over the years, but it was usually pretty rare. Why? Because lawyers manipulate schedules every day under time pressure to get the job done. If a conflict arose that threatened my big plans, I was usually able to navigate it.
Planning Ahead Means You Have Something Fun to Look Forward To
Now, you may be thinking that planning fun sounds like a lot of work in the calendar of a busy lawyer. You are right. But the effort is worth it. The other good news about planning ahead is that it gives you something to look forward to.
This is more important than you may realize. As an example, I have two concerts with my favorite singers coming up this week. I put these concerts on my personal and work calendars to make sure I got out of the office on time. Though that decision was practical, it had a nice side effect.
Every time I looked at my calendar to check a date for a hearing or deposition, I saw my reminder that the concerts were getting closer. Each time I saw this, I smiled and felt happy and excited.
I’ll be honest. Though I generally love my law practice, there are certain aspects that are really stressful. One of the ways I have learned to cope with this what I call the “bookend” approach.
By this, I mean that where possible I sandwich difficult things on may calendar with good things. In most situations, I find it works best to start with prioritizing self-care and end with something fun or celebratory.
As an example, if I have a trial or hearing coming up I will prioritize my personal self-care routines as much as possible. For me, this of course means meditation, exercise, and sleep. In some situations, I may also prepare some meals ahead to give myself a break from trial prep and give myself one less chore at home during the week of trial.
Then, after the difficult period is over, I plan something nice for myself. Sometimes this is big and sometimes this is small. I may take the day off to go take a long hike or make plans to see a movie or a show. Or maybe I will just plan to cook a new recipe or make reservations at a great restaurant.
A Small Shift for More Fun
Now, some lawyers may be reading this and think “this is not earth shattering.” To be honest, that’s what I hope you think. Planning good things is really just part of a good life. If you are already doing this regularly, you may not need to do anything new or different.
As I mentioned, though, many lawyers don’t do this regularly or fall out of the habit of doing so. I was like that years ago, especially when my kids were little. It always felt like I had no energy and no time.
After a few attempts, I saw that all the time and effort for fun experiences was well worth it. For example, though a concert might take time, travel, or keep me up past my bedtime, it also usually gave me an experience of community and memories I could not forget.
This strategy–planning fun things–is definitely a small shift, but it is one that can make a big difference for lawyers.
Go Make a Plan for Something Fun
I don’t argue that everything in life can or should be planned. Certainly, lawyers just like everyone else can use some time for surprises and spontaneity. But the truth is that busy people have to plan if they want to prioritize things that matter to them. Fun should matter to lawyers because’ it’s essential for our mental health. I hope this post helps you make more room in your calendar for fun. ‘
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I have written before that mindfulness meditation has helped me manage overthinking. But I haven’t yet talked about the steps I take to deal with a specific attack of rumination.
When I first started meditating, I had pretty severe issues with thoughts. I experienced racing thoughts on a regular basis. Sometimes I let them spiral so much that I literally sat frozen in fear, with no idea how to make it all stop.
After years of meditation, that has calmed down. I can see anxiety coming and catch it much earlier. Recently, I realized that a vague spinning of my mind with no clear thoughts was the initial phase of overthinking. When I see this arise, I know meditation is the answer.
The calling card for me which says it’s time to sit is what I will call the “vague thinking mind.” This is when I can feel myself passively thinking but without a clear object. My mind feels like the spinning wheel that shows up on your laptop when it’s trying to load. At the same time, though, I can feel that I am not in a great mood and generally feel ill at ease.
These are admittedly subtle cues. It took me years to identify them. After years of mindfulness practice, I now know that it is phase 1 of an attack of anxiety and rumination. Though this process is largely mental, I have come to see that my thinking is a symptom of fear.
When my thoughts are nonspecific but won’t stop, that’s a clear sign my thinking is not useful or productive.
Meditation Can Calm the Mind without Digging into Thoughts
Lawyers may struggle with this next one. Instead of poking and prodding to try to make my thoughts make sense, it works a lot better to take a break from them. Of course, meditation does not mean we banish all of our thoughts. If you are new to mindfulness, you can’t expect to sit down and immediately have a spotless mind.
I, however, have been practicing for more than a decade. I know my mind very well. Though my mind used to be overactive in the past, it has now slowed down to bearable levels. In addition, I know that after a few minutes of breath focus, my mind will eventually cool it.
This gives me a chance to sit and rest for a moment. My once foggy brain suddenly feels clear. It stops spinning and I can see what’s really going on.
Notice here that I am not saying that I meditate and immediately ask myself what my deal is. I know this can be a difficult habit for lawyers to break. If you can, resist the urge to dig into the thoughts and put them under an internal microscope. I also don’t judge myself or tell myself to cut it out.
Instead, I give my mind another job to do – focus on the breath. That helps me calm down and take a rest from the spinning wheels.
Greet Your Emotions with Mindfulness
Have you ever been upset about a problem and it felt overwhelming? Then you calmed down and suddenly you could see how to fix it? Lawyers probably have a lot of experience with this. In much the same way, when I calm down in meditation I feel like I can handle things. In fact, I usually feel like I can handle almost anything that comes up.
There’s a simple word for this. It’s safety. When I meditate and calm down enough, I feel safe again. That safety gives me confidence.
With safety restored and the spinning wheel in my mind paused, I can parse through what is bugging me. Again, I don’t dig into this directly. My mind and body usually tell me what they need. They may supply thoughts or memories about something that has bothered me.
More likely than not, emotions may arise in my heart or belly. My years of practice serve me well here. I just sit with them and feel. This isn’t always pleasant but it doesn’t last too long. I let them come, deliver their message, and go.
As someone with anxiety, these emotions are usually some variety of fear. Sometimes loneliness, boredom, frustration, or sadness make an appearance.
Sure, these phrases are soft and may seem awkward to many lawyers. They are vulnerable. Years ago, I probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to share them with anyone. But if you say these phrases to yourself enough, you start to believe them.
The long story short here is that I respond to my own emotions and all my mental worry with care. Instead of judgment, I respond with kindness. I don’t make myself false promises. These aren’t affirmations that life will always be rosy and my fears will never materialize.
Instead, they are restatements of my values and new commitments to them. In their own way, they are like a tiny plan b. If my worst fears do arise, how I will get through it? With kindness and trust in myself and by seeking out and accepting help from others.
This Is How Meditation Can Help Lawyers Tend to Overthinking
This is how meditation helps me fight off overthinking. Sure, this takes some time and practice. Most of my mindfulness sessions are about thirty minutes. And I have practiced this for over a decade. But this time is usually well spent.
Not only do I get my mindfulness practice done for the day. I get to spend the rest of my time more clear-headed and less worried. This means I can engage more directly in whatever activities I have planned for the day. It also means I can be totally present for the good thing and joyful moments that arise.
If you are dealing with overthinking that is more intense, other strategies may be necessary before you can tolerate sitting meditation. That’s okay. If you give yourself time and patience, you eventually will be able to see the signs of anxiety and rumination earlier and earlier. And then you can figure out how meditation can support you best as you deal with it.
As a warning to the lawyers out there, the point here is not perfection. The point here is not to banish all thoughts. Instead, the point is to stay present in our lives with an open heart even though our minds struggle to cope with the reality of our lives. As this post shows, though, we can learn to do that and meditation can help.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I have noticed something strange recently with my mindfulness practice. Out of nowhere, I started doing more walking meditation. To my complete surprise, I actually like it. This is quite a shock because I have historically not enjoyed this practice at at all. I usually only tried it on retreat.
Many other mediators share my aversion to walking meditation. It is a practice that feels strange to do. In addition, the usefulness of it may seem unclear. Even so, mindful movement remains an essential tool in the self-care toolkit.
This post explains why and how I came around to the practice and how you can explore it for yourself.
Practice instructions usually include selecting a safe space of about 10 to 20 feet to pace slowly back and forth. As you take each step, your attention should be with the sensations in your body, often specifically in your feet.
The movement of your body is the focal point for this style of meditation. In this way, as you take a step with your left foot, you are encouraged to feel and notice that. Similarly, as your weight shifts and you take a step with you right foot, your attention follows along.
As always, if your mind wanders the practice is simply to notice it and return to your steps.
Why Walking Meditation Can Be a Challenge
Though the practice is simple, many people new to meditation find it challenging. One reason is that it feels awkward. Lawyers tend to take ourselves seriously, so this is hard for us. In addition, as a practical matter, you may feel wobbly walking very slowly. If you try the practice in a group, doing it it in front other people may make you feel self-conscious.
Another challenge is that your mind may wander even more with movement. Focusing on the breath is hard, but we often do that with eyes closed and minimal distractions. When you walk, safety generally requires you to open your eyes and be aware of your surroundings. Since there are more distractions, focus may be more difficult with walking meditation.
Finally, I have also struggled at times to find motivation with this practice. With sitting meditation, my intention was apparent but I sometimes regarded walking meditation as a second best practice. I did the practice just to move because it could not sit all day. In this way, it can be hard to truly engage with in the process of cultivating mindfulness through walking.
How Lawyers Can Use Walking Meditation Outside of Retreat
Despite all my misgivings, I have come around to walking meditation. Sure, many experiences with retreat have helped the practice feel more natural to me. Even outside of retreats, though, I keep finding reasons where I need to walk and meditate instead of just sit. As you can see, these situatiosn are common ones that other lawyers are likely to experience.
Tips for Lawyers Trying Out this Mindfulness Practice
If after reading this list, you want to add more movement to your mindfulness practice, here are some tips for getting started.
First, start with small doses. Though lawyers tends to be very disciplined, don’t force yourself to do lengthy periods at first. Don’t assume that you can or should do walking meditation for the same duration as your sitting practice. Instead, notice how your mind and body feel as you practice. Then select a practice period that works for you. This will help you learn the practice without developing a strong aversion to it.
Next, let the practice support you. Mindfulness shouldn’t be an extra chore or item on your to-do list. Lawyers are already busy enough. Instead, it can and should be a practice that supports your life. As the examples above illustrate, look for ways that walking meditation can help you deal with life. That will provide intrinsic practice motivation and may give you a chance to learn about the practice and yourself.
Finally, as I always say, play with it and have fun if you can. Meditation is an important practice but that doesn’t mean it has to be serious business. You are encouraged to smile and relax. You are allowed to laugh at yourself if you wobble. A playful mind is an open mind, so keep things light if you can.
This Practice Is an Important Tool in Your Mindfulness Toolkit
For many lawyers and professionals, myself included, walking meditation is an acquired taste. It may take several attempts or several years until we feel like we can do the practice well. Even so, variety and options are essential for any lasting mindfulness practice. Walking meditation is a great way for lawyers to cultivate mindfulness in times when they can’t sit or don’t want to simply sit. It’s a practice that can take time to learn. Once you do, though, you may learn to love it.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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This is probably long overdue. I realized that I have said virtually nothing about AI. This wasn’t me trying to bury my head in the sand. I’m aware it’s out there. In truth, it seems to be everywhere.
I haven’t talked much about generative AI on the blog so far because I wasn’t sure what to say about it. To be honest, I haven’t used it a lot until recently. When I do use it, it’s generally been at work.
The point of this post is to make one thing clear. I’m not entirely against generative AI, but I don’t use it to write my blog posts. Here are a few reasons why.
I Love Writing, So I Don’t Need AI
I’m not going to get on a moral high horse about generative AI in this post. That’s because the biggest reason why I haven’t use it to write blog posts is a practical one. I love writing.
It’s good to have somewhere to put my thoughts. It helps to write and process my emotions. It is supportive to be able to work through tricky issues and know that a post may be useful to someone else.
For all these reasons, I don’t use AI because it’s just not something I need.
Mindfulness Is About Connecting More Deeply with Other People
Another reason that I prefer to write my own posts is that connection with other people is essential for mindfulness practice. Sure, I practiced meditation on my own for years before I ever meditated with other people. As I have shared before, lawyers can definitely explore and learn about mindfulness on our own.
Now, is it possible to connect with other people with AI-supported writing? Potentially, and I expect that to grow as the years go on. But right now? I see the writing output from AI as more of a barrier. It can convey some ideas well, but it isn’t personal.
Because I believe that community is important when it comes to learning mindfulness, I prefer to have a personal touch when I write about it. For me, that means I write my own pieces without AI.
Trust Is Important When It Comes to Mindfulness and Mental Health
Finally, the last reason I don’t use AI to write my posts on this blog is that trust matters. The focus of my blog is mindfulness and mental health for lawyers. These are important topics and there is still a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding about them.
If you are going to read a blog on these topics, you deserve to know who is behind it’s ideas. That’s why I am generally upfront about my own experience with mindfulness. It’s why I have been so specific in explaining my training as a mindfulness teacher.
I don’t necessarily believe that using AI inherently destroys the potential for trust. But it can raise questions about what the AI platform used, the manner of use, and the level of editing and revision that took place after.
I don’t make big promises or vows here. Who knows where technology is heading and what AI tools may creep into the writing process as time goes on? I can say that the first 300 posts on this blog were written without AI and I don’t plan on changing that any time soon.
I enjoy writing and I love building community around mindfulness through this blog. My plan is to keep on writing posts without help from generative AI. Thank you for the trust you have shown me over the years by reading and engaging.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I’ve been grappling with boredom recently. This may surprise you, but I hate being bored. Yes, I know I meditate daily and teach mindfulness. My role is to help other people face restlessness as they learn meditation.
But I have to be honest. Like most lawyers, I prefer being active and engaged. I want to be juggling many things. I like having a lot to do. When I don’t have enough stimulation, I struggle.
This is a common problem for many lawyers and professionals. The good news is that mindfulness can help. This post will explain what is going on when we are bored and offer a few steps to help you cope.
What Is Boredom?
Have you ever stopped to really take notice of what is happening when you’re bored? For most of us, the answer to this question is a clear “no.” Who would ever look closer when they feel restless?
The reason we don’t do this is that restlessness usually arises when we are sick of our present situation. For this reason, boredom can manifest is several ways. It can trigger anger, frustration, sadness, or even depression or low energy. All of these emotions arise to tell us we want a change–any change–from our present situation.
On the other hand, when we decide something is boring there is always a judgment. When we are bored, we have implicitly decided that a situation or pastime to be inadequate. The source of this alleged deficiency could be anything at all. Regardless of what it is, when you’re bored, there is some aversion to your current situation.
Recognize When Boredom Arises
The first step to dealing with restlessness is to recognize when it arises. Sometimes this is obvious. Sometimes it’s not. Most of us know the classic signs when we find things tedious. These can include fidgeting, distractibility, evasive behaviors, and even agitation.
We can also have more subtle reactions to being bored. This can be an issue for lawyers because we often deal with dry and tedious subjects at work. Some of us may train ourselves to not pay attention when we experience boredom.
When you see that you are bored, the first thing you may want to do is seek out something more stimulating to do. If that’s an option, go ahead and take it as long as the activity is a safe and healthy one.
If your restlessness doesn’t dissipate so quickly, though, you may need to dig deeper. This may first require you to clarify what is making you feel bored. This may sound a sit silly but it’s a literal question. As I said earlier, when we feel bored we are implicitly judging a situation, task, or aspect of our lives. In doing so, we are assuming that something is wrong or bad.
But is it truly always bad when we encounter a situation that is less stimulating? To be honest, many lawyers (myself included) probably need a slower pace from time to time. Even so, we may not enjoy it when slower times arrive. This can be from habit, anxiety relating to productivity or billable hours, or any number of reasons.
So one really simple question to ask when you are bored is this: is it truly bad? In other words, separate the facts, the reality of less activity and stimulation, from the judgment that less stimulation is inherently bad.
In periods where I have been bored, I have usually come to see those times as gifts. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I did so swiftly or gracefully. No, in general I have whined and complained for far too long until finally accepting that things were outside of my control.
Taking advantage of the gift of time in this way is only possible when we let go of our judgments. In this way, at least bringing a sense of neutrality to the experience of boredom can help us move past it.
Let Go of Judgment to Identify the Real Issue
Sometimes, though, it isn’t enough to simply reframe a lack of stimulation as an opportunity. That’s because stimulation and activity are human needs. If in response to the question above about whether the situation is truly bad, your answer is “yes” then you should address the problem.
The good news is that taking the time to separate habitual reaction from practical need will help you do that. If your restlessness is a function of temporary preference, it may be easily resolved by simple patience.
Either way, taking a closer look at boredom is what can help us determine how to meet our own needs. This can mean feeling the emotions that arise when we are bored and evaluating the circumstances that lead to restlessness. Doing these things can help us meet our own needs and address the culprit underlying our restlessness.
Boredom Is Tough for Lawyers but Mindfulness Can Help
Boredom is a challenging experience for lawyers since they are accustomed to being busy and engaged in life and work. Mindfulness can help us look closer at this tricky experience to learn about ourselves, meet our own needs, and cultivate comfort with a slower pace.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I completed the next major step on the way to publishing my second book. Today, I sent in the manuscript to prepare the files for publication. This is great news for several reasons.
This will be a short post because I’ve been busy editing. Even so, I wanted to share the reasons why this is such a big step.
I Made the Book Publication Deadline
The book is about mindfulness, of course. Based on this, you might think that a book like that could be published at any time. Not in this case.
As I shared before, this one is my first attempt at fiction. It’s a mindfulness fable inspired by Charles Dickens’ classic, A Christmas Carol. Although my story focuses more on the New Year than Christmas, it’s still a holiday tale.
Based on this, I plan to publish before Thanksgiving this year. Doing the math backward, that means I got the manuscript finished right on time.
The good news is that I persisted and got to see how much better the book got because of my efforts and all the great feedback I received. Still, I am so glad to be done and am celebrating getting to move on to the next step.
The School Year Is Here
If you didn’t notice, I set the manuscript deadline with some intention. The majority of my law practice is devoted to school law. This means, the academic year is my “busy season.” As the mom of two girls, that means that the new school year rush hits me two ways at once.
Because the summer is usually not so hectic, I had planned to edit the book then and be done before school started. To be perfectly honest, I had hoped to be done even sooner but summer was a bit less chill than I had hoped. Regardless, I made my drop dead date, so the project is still right on time.
And now I can devote my full attention to getting my kids back in school and keeping my educator clients on track.
I’m Proud of the Book
And the best part of sending in the manuscript? The best part is that I’m proud of the book I wrote. As my first attempt at fiction, I don’t have illusions that the book is perfect.
Even so, it tells a story with heart. It conveys teachings about mindfulness that I couldn’t convey in a webinar, talk, or even a blog post.
It also combines so many things I love, including writing, teaching mindfulness, and good stories. This project was also supported by many people I love and respect. I have already had really great conversations with friends and family members who have read it. It’s so neat to hear what people focus on most when they read a story.
When and How Can You Read the Book?
I don’t have a specific date set just yet, but the title is final. The title of the book is A New Year’s Present. I hope you hear the rhythmic similarity to A Christmas Carol there, because that’s intentional.
It will be released in November. Like my other books, you will be able to find it on Amazon, BookShop, and other online retailers.
I will definitely let you know when it is published. I may even bang pots and pans and set off fireworks just like on New Year’s Eve!
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Editor’s Note: I’m proud to celebrate 300 posts this week, but I’m also finalizing the edits on my new book. I was at a loss about how to recognize the occasion, so I researched some of my old posts. When I reached the 10-year anniversary of my mindfulness practice, I wrote this post with a letter from my future self. It made me proud to read it and I decided to write another. This letter is written to myself back in December 2020 when I launched the blog. Please enjoy and if you are thinking of starting writing and need a pep talk please reach out to me!
Dear Claire,
This is you from the future again. I know I wrote you a few years ago. I found that letter again recently and liked it so much that I decided to write a new one. Sorry if this is annoying. I promise I won’t start texting you or messaging you on LinkedIn.
Instead, I’ll keep my messages restricted to milestone moments. You have another one this week. You hit 300 posts on this blog! Can you believe it?
How Did 300 Blog Posts Happen?
I bet you can’t. I know when you started this blog in 2020 you weren’t sure what would happen. You didn’t know much about blogging. You just liked writing and and mindfulness and needed a a place to put your words.
Remember how you used to worry that you were making a big mistake by starting a blog? You were always so worried that you would run out of time or ideas.
It’s pretty amazing what can happen when we let it. Isn’t it?
I hope that I’m not making your head spin by talking about 300 blog posts. I know you are new to this whole blogging thing and taking it week by week. Claire, I want you to know that is exactly how you should take it.
The blog may seem hard to manage now at the beginning, but just wait until you have even more things to manage. But don’t be scared. I’m not trying to warn you here. Instead, I’m saying that you will grow.
Writing Became a Calling
Writing isn’t a chore for you. It’s not a job. It’s something that is a part of you. Or at least eventually it will become that way. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and use an arguably cheesy term here. Writing for you is a calling.
But somehow, you pushed through all that crap. Somehow you saw the truth that those lies swirling in your head were just doubt. They were the same doubts you’d had your whole life.
In addition, Claire, you should know that the doubt arose because you are editing your first novel. Yes, you wrote a novel or at least a fable about mindfulness. This means that doubt keeps arising because you continue to take risks and try new things.
How were you able to try writing fiction, which was very new to you? You were able to do that because you haven’t just been training the skill of writing all these years. Instead, you have been training discipline, self-confidence, and listening to your inner voice.
Just Keep Writing, Even When It’s Hard
I know that this blog is still new to you, Claire. I know you aren’t sure where it’s headed. I’m writing to tell you it’s headed in a good direction. You just have to keep writing.
Will it be easy? Absolutely not. You will write many – if not most – of the posts last minute. You will lack motivation and inspiration some weeks and sometimes feel like you are just going through the motions. Some weeks, you will skip writing a post because you just can’t deal with it. Sometimes it will feel pretty lonely.
Instead, you’ll take breaks. You’ll live life for a while. And the ideas will come back when you are ready. And you will have so much fun.
Blog Posts Can Lead to Good Things
You’ll also meet people through your writing. People will find you on the internet and reach out to chat. You will make friends by showing up as yourself in your posts. You will also discover the writing will make networking and marketing your law practice so much easier.
Claire, let’s be honest, I can’t tell you that the blog will make you famous. I can’t say it will make you rich. I don’t promise that it will always be fun and you’ll never wonder if it’s too much work.
But I can say one thing with absolute confidence. People don’t do something 300 times because they get nothing out of it. They do a thing 300 times for a reason. You kept writing post after post because it was good for you. You kept writing because it brought you joy.
I know you probably feel unsure now at the beginning. It’s okay to feel unsure. It’s no big deal if you don’t have a clear plan. Just keep writing.
Thank you for trusting yourself and the rest of the world for starting this blog. Thanks for taking the time to build something new. It’s been a fun ride over these years. I can’t wait to see how many more we get!
With gratitude, Your Future Self
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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As a mindfulness teacher, writer, and lawyer, I am no stranger to doubt. I used to regard it with fear and loathing. Now, I see it as my faithful friend. No matter what I do and how much I meditate, I can’t make doubt give up on me.
While that is oddly comforting in a way, it’s also super annoying. Even worse, this mental pattern of mine likes to show up at the worst possible times. If I am doing anything remotely challenging, new, or courageous, doubt chimes in at strategic moments to throw me off balance.
Knowing that I am not alone with this mental habit and that my fellow lawyers share this trait, I will share the steps that I took to address my self-doubt attack.
Recognize When Doubt Arises.
Many of us know that naming emotions is really helpful. It can provide needed distance and clarity about our experience. This can help us avoid over-identifying with our fleeting emotional experiences.
This is essential for doubt. One problem with this state of mind is that it isn’t simple. Instead, doubt is a often a complex combination of emotions and thoughts. The emotions can distract, dis-empower, and stun us, while the thoughts pretend to the be the voice of reason.
This may require patience to allow for sufficient time for self-investigation. However, I have come to learn that the feelings of fear, vulnerability, and overwhelm plus a series of despairing and negative thoughts are the calling cards of doubt for me. Another strong sign is that they usually show up when I about to do something meaningful, challenging, or innovative.
When I can name this melange of suckiness as doubt, I take the first step towards recovery. Though this doesn’t feel good, at least my guard is up and I know it’s time to fight back.
My older, wiser self has learned that the better way to fight doubt is to disarm it. Instead of racing to discharge the fearful energy, I put it to good use by taking care of myself.
One of the most essential steps when it comes to doubt is to do a basic audit of my self-care needs. From experience, I know that doubt comes up for me when I feel overwhelmed, afraid, tired, or isolated. Most often this happens for practical reasons.
If I am working on a big project, I may not be sleeping well. I may also be skimping on social contact. Or I may be striving in pursuit of a goal and wearing myself out.
Returning to the basics of my self-care practices, including good nutrition, rest, exercise, and social support, helps put me in a better position to face whatever challenges come up in life. They also remind me that support and care, rather than force and pressure, are the best ways to achieve the goals I set for myself.
Don’t Face Doubt Alone.
If doubt were a person, it’s ride or die best friend would be shame. These two emotional besties have worked a number on me over the years. As an introvert who loves to overthink, they kept me on the ropes until I learned a tried and true strategy for driving a wedge between them.
That strategy is asking for help. Look, I know that lawyers and other professionals may hate doing this. As competent and highly skilled people, we may see ourselves as helpers. We may feel awkward and terrible when we have to “burden” someone else with our problems.
But here’s the thing. It’s hard to challenge doubt on your own. It’s even harder when shame jumps in and make you feel like you have to hide your feelings of vulnerability. One of the only ways to cut through this is to stop hiding by asking for help.
The biggest shift I have made to get over my attacks of self-doubt is that I now share my feelings with a friend, colleague or loved one. In the past, I used to try to deal with these emotions all on my own. Though meditation is a formidable tool, social support works better and faster.
Engage Mindfulness and Allow Your Feelings.
Once you feel ready to face them, it also helps to just feel the feelings that come up with doubt. I suggest this after getting social support because these feelings can be overwhelming, but you can decide what works best for you.
Sometimes with doubt, there can be an inclination to ignore it or push it to the side. As I mentioned, these feelings can be dis-empowering and vulnerable. It can seem like they are getting in the way of our goals and the vision we have for our lives.
Even so, I have found it worthwhile to honor my feelings even when they are inconvenient and annoying. The most common way I do this is in my meditation practice where I have time and space to let the emotions rise, crescendo and fade away. Though this experience is often intense and unpleasant, I find that allowing them as they are inspires courage.
When I give myself a moment to feel fear, face anxiety, and wade through overwhelm, I remember that I am strong enough to hold all of these things. I also remember that none of these emotions last forever and that I can find calm, stability, and kindness again. Once I experience them and let them deliver whatever message they have for me, I can move on with my life.
Return to Your Place of Strength.
Another benefit of feeling emotions, even the tough ones, is that they help to clarify what matters most. As someone with anxiety, feelings of fear are common for me. I used to be afraid of these feelings until I finally flipped them on their head.
One magical day, I realized that a lot of my fear and anxiety was a confused way of expressing deep longing. I was often afraid of being alone or being judged, which signified my desire for connection. I was regularly anxious about making a mistake, which revealed my deep desire to produce good in the world and avoid harming others.
When I was able to feel the fear, I could finally see what was hiding beneath it. The things hiding there were my deepest values and the things I wanted most in life. These things didn’t make the fear and doubt go away, but they made my struggle worth it.
By reconnecting with our values and deep aspirations, we can find strength, motivation, and courage even in the face of doubt.
Doubt Is Challenging But Mindfulness Can Help You Face It.
Doubt is a common affliction for many lawyers and professionals, but it does not have to be something that holds you back. With mindfulness and self-compassion, you can learn how to recognize and care for yourself in the face of doubt. Doing so takes time, patience, and is best with social support. The good news is that it may also help you harness the strength, confidence, and motivation you need to keep pursuing goals and building the life you want.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I admit it. The word “joy” used to make me cringe a little bit inside. For a while, it was plastered on the walls of so many homes along with signs reading “Live. Laugh. Love.” and showed up in the titles of countless self-help books.
The frequency with which I saw that term used, often inaccurately, gave me the distinct and bizarre impression that “joy” was somehow omnipresent, yet also mythical and unattainable. After all, how could conflict, unhappiness, and social problems be so prevalent when everyone seemed hellbent on praising joy?
Don’t Let the Misuse of the Word Fool You. Joy Is Powerful.
The overuse of the word had made joy seem frivolous and meaningless, but when I feel it—especially in response to suffering—it is nothing short of magic. Joy has a potential to connect us in good times and to bind us, to ourselves and others, in hard times.
Joy Is More than an Emotion.
Many of us may think that joy is an emotion that simply arises without warning and lasts only a moment. This is true but also incomplete. We can cultivate joy and in so doing, cultivate compassion and a greater sense of well-being. For many of us, joy may seem like a temporary and elusive state because we aren’t accustomed to staying present with the experience of strong emotions.
As a result, savoring the good aspects of life and taking the time to celebrate can be some of the most powerful things that lawyers can do to improve our mental health for the long-term.
You can also be on the lookout for joy in your daily activities. One of my favorite savoring activities is to watch the kids run to the parents at daycare pickup time. Watching their love and excitement turns what might have been wasted time into a joy break for myself and it prepares me to greet my own kids with love.
Lawyers Can Even Savor and Share Joy at Work.
In the work setting, one simple way to savor experiences is to acknowledge a win and congratulate your team. When the praise is directed to you, you could practice savoring joy by learning to simply say “thank you” when you receive a compliment and allowing the warm feelings just wash over you, instead of deflecting or talking to hide your embarrassment. If you struggle with paying or giving compliments, a simpler place is to establish a habit of internally congratulating yourself for a job well done.
So, does this mean that I am telling you to go put a big “joy” sign on your wall? Not quite, unless hanging a sign like that reminds you to cultivate joy in your own life. The object here isn’t the performance of joy or convincing others that you feel joyful. Instead, the power of joy comes in when we fully experience it and prioritize it in our lives.
Here’s a Guided Meditation to Help Lawyers Practice Joy
If you want to experience the power of practicing joy for yourself, check out this new guided meditation. This ten-minute guided meditation walks lawyers (and anyone else who wants to try it) through the process of noting and experiencing joy in the body. The first reason to do this practice is that joy feels good. It may be a great way to rest and relax.
In addition, though, lawyers may find this practice beneficial for other reasons. First, as a practice that trains sustained attention in a directed way, it is a practice that cultivates mindfulness. Second, the practice is also likely to cultivate wisdom. It’s hard to do this practice and not have insights about what causes joy for you, so you can get more of it in your life.
You can check out the meditation here or find it on my YouTube channel:
Are There Other Ways for Lawyers to Practice Joy in Meditation?
The answer to this is a definite “yes.” The direct experience of joy in the practice shared above is one way to cultivate it. Other options include:
Embedding a joy practice into your normal meditation session as offered in this guided practice;
There are so many ways for lawyers to bring more joy into life and meditation. Try them all out to see which one you enjoy the most.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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