How many times have you lamented in stress or frustration that life doesn’t come with an instructional manual? It’s a statement that all of us from time to time have exclaimed when we don’t really understand what’s going on and we are just doing our best to get through it. Emotions are often like this. They come along every so often and we have no choice but to ride the wave.
Most of us like to pretend that we are in control of our emotions. Anyone in the business world, including lawyers, are now familiar with the importance of EQ (“emotional intelligence”). So, of course we know how to recognize and honor the emotions that come. Right?
As a meditation teacher, I’ll be the first to admit that this is far more challenging than it seems. That’s why I am really glad to tell you there is an instructional manual–or at least an encyclopedia–for emotions: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown.
Now, some of you may be skeptical about the need for a book that explains our emotions. You may think “I know when I am happy, or sad, or mad.” And I bet you do. Those emotions are pretty easy to recognize and differentiate. But are you clear about emotions like jealousy or shame or anxiety or loneliness? Can you tell the difference between sympathy, empathy, compassion and pity?
When I ask this question, I’m not requesting a dictionary definition alone. What I really mean is: can you recognize the signs of these emotions in yourself and in others? Can you also understand them well enough to know their causes, cures, and significance?
That’s what Atlas of the Heart offers. It categorizes the range of human experience and uses geographical terminology to help us understand them. Rather than defining emotions as a range of symptoms, the book is structured into chapters for clusters of emotions grouped by experience. Each experience is described as the “places we go” when things are uncertain, we’re hurting, or we search for connection.
Because the chapters cluster emotions in this way, it instructs the reader on the many flavors or shades of emotional experience. For example, it helps you understand the difference between envy and jealousy, or shame and guilt, boredom and frustration, and joy and gratitude.
Moreover, the book avoids a clinical perspective on these emotions. As a social scientist, Brown has usually focused on articulating lived experience. Thus, her book isn’t broken down into “good or bad” or “healthy or unhealthy” emotions. Instead, it covers the full range to help us understand and identify emotions at any stage in our lives.
Why does it matter if we can identify our emotions? I mean, haven’t I told you that emotions are in the body? Doesn’t this mean that they just need to be felt? In the direct experience, this is often true when we can tolerate them. As Brown explains in the book’s Introduction, though, “the ability to name this emotion or experience is essential to being able to process it in a productive and healing manner.”
This may be true for a number of reasons. Naming emotions helps us articulate them and ideally share them with others. As a meditator, I find even powerful emotions far less daunting when I can at least recognize them and understand what message they may be trying to convey. Finally, it is really helpful to understand the variety of emotions so I can look for them in others who may not be in a position to name their emotions for me.
If you want this kind of understanding, Atlas of the Heart is worth a read. If you’d rather watch, there is one season of a TV show by the same name but as of yet the show only covers about a third of the chapters from the book. Though I am usually an audiobook listener, I got the hardback as a birthday gift and love having the print copy available as a reference tool.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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