Last week, I shared a Ted-style talk that I had to give in front of a pretty large crowd of my fellow lawyers. I love public speaking in general and was passionate about the subject. Even so, the novelty of my approach–especially my decision to memorize the talk–created some last minute nervousness for me.
Due to my years of mindfulness training and experience speaking, I was able to be pretty systematic in response to my fears. I talked myself through the anxiety the night before, was able to prepare and then relax enough to sleep well, and the talk was a big success. The most important indicator of this success was the fact that I had a blast giving the talk.
I know public speaking induces anxiety for many people, including lawyers, so I decided to write down the 5 steps that helped me the most. Here they are:
1. Stop Spiraling Thoughts
If you have anxiety, you are probably no stranger to spiraling thoughts. This can be really painful because thoughts are hard to control. The thoughts may feel like truths, they may be overwhelming in amount, and they can induce powerful emotional reactions. The thinking process itself can also lock you in because you may feel like you have to answer all of the questions before you can move on or calm down.
One thing that mindfulness helped me realize, however, was to recognize that spiraling thoughts were just a symptom of anxiety. In practice, this means letting go of answering each individual thought and focusing instead on the pattern of thinking. What is all the thinking trying to say? It’s saying “I am scared and I want control to make me feel more safe.”
With something like public speaking, it’s human to want a guarantee all will go well. But it’s just not in the cards. Accepting the risk involved and the vulnerability that goes with it is a basic but essential step to stopping the thought spiral.
2. Quantify the Suck.
Once you are able to accept that risk is involved and you have calmed down enough to be logical, you can tap into curiosity and pragmatism. As I said, public speaking is inherently risky. We have to speak, look intelligent, not fall down, keep breathing, and look like we are relaxed while other people just watch us.
But let’s get real. What is the risk exactly? Assuming things go badly, can you quantify how bad? How many minutes is the speech? What percentage of the time will actually be truly awful? What are the tangible and likely risks involved?
Most of the time, the odds are that these things are not as bad as our fear minds would make it seem. Most of us are rational people. We wouldn’t agree to speak if it was all risk and pain. When it comes to public speaking, the worst risk many of us face is a few minutes of awkwardness and some temporary embarrassment after.
If you are calm enough that you can avoid creating a horror fantasy for yourself, getting clear about what you fear in concrete terms can help you face and manage it.
3. Plan for the Worst.
This tip is not about pessimism or cynically setting low expectations in the hope that you will be pleasantly surprised. What I really mean with this one is making a preemptive commitment to self-compassion. Lawyers are expected so frequently to be tough and brave and show up in defense of others that this step can easily be overlooked.
The truth is that we are people too and so caring for ourselves like we are human beings can make a big difference. Anxiety can sometimes create the illusion that the thing we fear is a “game over” situation. We get so focused on the fear that we forget it’s not the end of the story. We forget we have endured painful and awkward things before and lived to tell the tale.
How did we do this? Most likely with kindness towards ourselves, time, and help from our friends and family. So, when I have big anxiety about something, I always ask “well, what will I do if things go wrong?”
Usually the answer is that I will take some time to myself. I will wallow for a bit, I will feel sad or angry or whatever. I will talk with my friends. And then eventually I will move on and other people will probably forget even sooner. Given this, make a plan for self-care and self-compassion for after your talk. This plan will help you engage in needed self-care no matter how well the talk goes and it may make you feel a bit more confident too.
4. Connect with Your Values
If you are speaking publicly about something, you probably care about it. Even if it is a “boring” legal topic, it’s probably something that matters to you and others for important reasons. One of the things that can help us the most in times of stress is connecting to our values.
The good thing about preparing to speak is that you ideally should be reviewing and thinking about the content of your talk. This is not just a chance to place facts neatly at the front of your mind; it’s also a chance to remember why they matter.
When you connect with the values underlying your talk, it is easier to be brave. It helps to remember that you aren’t just speaking to fill time or harass yourself. Instead, the point of the effort is to convey an important message to the audience.
5. Get Out of Your Head
Of course, anxiety is not just thoughts and that’s the problem. Anxiety can also create a whole lot of bodily issues that can be problematic for public speaking. There may be jitters, a shaky voice, or insomnia the night before. How do you deal with this? Learn how to tend to your body.
Body scan meditation can be a great practice for relaxing the body. For this reason, it may help with relaxation before the talk or getting to sleep the night before. Exercise or some form of movement, including a short walk, can help you ditch the last minute jitters. Grounding practices, where you notice the sensation of weight and stability, may help you maintain composure during the talk itself.
The common thread running through all of these practices is to accept and allow the bodily experiences that arise rather than judging yourself for them. These practices may not guarantee that you won’t have any nervousness when you talk, but they can help you avoid compounding the nervousness with self-judgment.
Anxiety is a real and painful experience. These five tips aren’t intended to present the illusion that anxiety is easy to manage. They are offered, however, to show that learning to take aspects of anxiety piece by piece can make it more manageable. These strategies have helped me many times and I hope they help find success and fun in your next speaking engagement.
Want to try a meditation practice that can help with performance anxiety? Check it out here.
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Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.