Which Self-Compassion Book Is Better for Lawyers?

Cover image for the blog post Which Self-Compassion Book Is Better for Lawyers?

I write about self-compassion a lot because it is one of the most rewarding shifts I have made in my life and law practice. From speaking to and teaching lawyers about mindfulness for years now, I also know that self-compassion is an area of opportunity for many of us.

If you are interested in this topic, you start Googling or searching on Amazon for resources to explore self-compassion further. Doing this is likely to direct you to two prominent names in the field of self-compassion cultivation: Kristin Neff and Chris Germer.

Neff and Germer teamed up to create the popular, accessible, and effective program Mindful Self-Compassion which I reviewed previously. They also have books under their own name on the topic of self-compassion. Neff’s is Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself and Germer’s is The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion.

Which one is best? As a lawyer, I can’t resist saying “it depends” but I can also offer some analysis here to help you decide.

How they Are Different

As I discuss below, both books have a lot in common. I don’t truly think you can go wrong reading either and there are benefits of reading both. Even so, they do have a few critical differences.

Perspective of a Clinician v. a Researcher

The most obvious difference between the two books is the perspective from which they were written. Germer is a clinician while Neff is a researcher. As such, Germer focuses far more on the practices to cultivate self-compassion, while Neff focused on the research. Likewise, Germer relies on more examples from working with patients. Neff offers more examples from studies she has conducted of reviewed.

Male v. Female

Another important difference is that Germer is male and Neff is female. This does not always matter for every book, but when it comes to self-compassion men and women may for cultural reason face different challenges. As a male, Germer speaks more to his experience as a husband and father. On the other hand, Neff shares about the challenges of being a woman professional and her experience with motherhood.

Voice

Although both books cover substantially similar material, the voice of the two authors may be the biggest area of difference. Germer’s voice is down-to-earth, practical, direct, and analytical. This isn’t to say it is hard-charging by any means, and certainly not compared to the content most lawyers read. But, as a left brained person myself, I prefer this style and many lawyers or professionals may feel more at ease with it.

In contrast, Neff’s style is soft, warm, and intimate. She shares her personal experiences more often than Germer does and offers less explanations of the practices. Even her arguments regarding the meaning of the various studies on self-compassion don’t feel like arguments. This is most likely an intentional choice to help readers who struggle with self-compassion open their minds to it.

A comparison of Chris Germer's and Kristin Neff's books on self-compassion so lawyers can pick which is best for them.

How Are They Similar

Despite all of these differences, Neff and Germer’s books are very similar. They have worked together and both addressed different aspects of self-compassion. This is one reason why you can’t go wrong with either book. They both offer:

Conclusion

In truth, I like both of the books and think any reader could benefit from either. I have a slight personal affinity for Germer’s book, since it appeals to my direct, practical and analytical personality. However, as a working mom and special education attorney, I certainly appreciated Neff’s decision to share her story, including caring for son after his diagnosis with an autism spectrum disorder.

In case you need a clear conclusion, though, I will say that Neff’s work may be ideal if you really need convincing that self-compassion is worth it. This is a reality for many lawyers and there’s nobody better to convince you on the power of self-compassion than someone who has researched it for years.

On the other hand, if you need more tools to internalize self-compassion and implement it in your life, Germer’s book is the way to go. Germer’s down-to-earth writing style and lived experienced a clinician may be a great tool to help you build self-compassion in your own life and work.

A conclusion with book reviews of Germer's and Neff's books on self-compassion.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Disrupt the Habit of Beating Yourself Up

This is the line I often hear when I present about self-compassion: I know that it’s better to be kind to myself but I just can’t do it. People, especially lawyers, tell me that the habit of criticizing themselves is so ingrained that they see it as a part of their character.

This is a common struggle and I have personally experienced how painful it can be. Though it can indeed be a challenge, it is possible to change even well-established habits like self-criticism over time. I know because I have done it.

Beating Yourself Up Is a Habit.

I started meditating a decade ago after I developed postpartum depression following the birth of my first daughter. It took me years to understand the situation but I eventually realized that my problem was a persistent failure to comfort myself. Thus, looking back on my life, I now see that my instances of depression occurred, in part, because I had a limited ability to handle setbacks.

After stabilizing with therapy and medication, meditation helped me address the root cause of the problem because I started to change my inner voice and the way I responded to difficulty. Where I used to attack and criticize myself, meditation helped me see hardship as a part of life and learn to care for myself through it. This didn’t make life perfect, but it made the hard aspects of life a lot less hard.

This experience shows that self-compassion isn’t a character trait, but instead a habit or a skill that can be cultivated with practice. Research shows that I am right too. Here are five strategies that can help you disrupt your self-criticism habit to build the skill of self-compassion.

Reframe Self-Criticism as a Habit

The first step to changing the habit of beating yourself up is to accept it as a habit. Many people are so accustomed to being hard on themselves that they may see this as something they can’t change. Mindfulness practice may help you see that identity is not a static thing. Instead, it is often the product of our habits.

Thus, a small thing you can do to start treating yourself more kindly, is to start viewing your treatment of yourself as a behavior. Instead of seeing it as a manifestation of who you are, see it as a thing you do. Notice when it arises, consider where and how the behavior emerged, and then ask is it helping your or hurting you now?

Pause and Notice How You Feel

This leads right into the next step. How do you know if beating yourself up is helping you or hurting you? One way is to notice how it feels when you do it. Lots of people think that they can’t unwind the habit of self-criticism because they notice how often they beat themselves up.

In reality, this noticing is a great start. Even if you intend to try a gentler approach, the odds are that you will eventually slip up and berate yourself. Don’t add on by berating yourself about that mistake. Instead, notice the words are that are coming to your mind or out of your head. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice what it makes you want to do.

Seeing the impact of our habits is what gives us the power to evaluate whether they are serving us or not. As hard as it is, noticing exactly what occurs when we beat ourselves up may be a first step to letting go of the habit.

Practice Makes Perfect.

Even if you know nothing about self-compassion, meditation may help you cultivate it for a fundamental reason. Anyone who meditates knows that the mind will wander or get lost in thought. The nearly universal instruction for responding to this is to gently return your attention back to the breath or other focal point.

This gentle redirection, practiced over and over again, cultivates self-compassion. In fact, when I teach compassion I describe as “sneaky self-compassion” because it can happen without much effort and transform your inner voice subtly over time.

The good news, of course, is that this sneaky self-compassion can be practiced outside of meditation too. If you do anything moderately challenging and repetitive, you can use this gentle redirection approach to cultivate self-compassion and enjoy your pastime better.

Best Friend Test.

Now, I bet you are wondering if I still think self-compassion is the way to go even when you make a mistake or act badly. In fact, I think self-compassion is most important in times like those even though it also the most challenging.

When you screw up or act in a way that is not aligned with your values, self-compassion will not come naturally. Your brain very likely will go into self-judgment mode before you can stop it. When you see this happening, a good question to ask is “how would I react if my best friend did the same thing?”

When I say “best friend” here, I mean your ride or die friend. This is the person you love but you can also be real with when it matters. If your best friend did something wrong, you wouldn’t necessarily hide it, but you may also help them get back on their feet so they can make amends.

You may have to use the best friend test like a mantra for a while until this idea sinks in and starts to feel normal. But once it does, you may be amazed at how quickly your inner voice goes into “wise coach” mode instead of that dreaded inner critic.

Notice the Performance Benefits

The last step in the process is the best one. This is where you get to notice the difference between a response with self-compassion in comparison to living without it. Let’s say you face a setback, challenge, or mistake and you don’t beat yourself up. Perhaps you just deal with the issue or maybe you treat yourself with kindness to help yourself through it.

If this happens, don’t breeze past it. Instead, pause for a moment and take note. Notice if the situation was made easier by your response. Notice if you feel proud of how you handled it. Notice if your performance was in any way enhanced by treating yourself with kindness instead of contempt.

This celebration phase is where you lock in self-compassion as a habit because you can see the benefits. It’s also a great time to reflect on times like these for personal development because it may remind you that even entrenched habits can be changed.

Conclusion: Beating Yourself Up Is a Habit You Can Change

If you habitually beat yourself up, you aren’t alone. It is a common response to setbacks, mistakes, and challenges, especially for high-achievers like lawyers. Self-criticism, though, isn’t common because it is the only option. Instead, it is common because habits are easy to form when we aren’t paying attention. With awareness, time, and the strategies above, you can disrupt the habit of beating yourself up and replace with self-compassion.

If you want to study this more, check out our Heart of Loving-Kindness Practice Guide or some of our Guided Meditations. This one about being gentle with yourself during meditation practice is a perfect example of “sneaky self-compassion”. You can find it on Insight Timer or here:


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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New Writing Event with the Mindfulness in Law Society

The Mindfulness in Law Society reached out and asked if I wanted to do a community event for the larger group. I have been guiding the virtual sits for about a year now and taught at the virtual retreat last fall. For this event, though, they didn’t want me to guide a meditation. They wanted me to teach.

When we did the meeting to plan this session, I expected they would have something in mind. To my delight and surprise, they didn’t have preconceived notions. Instead, the organizer and I discussed some of my recent speaking engagements and I told her about a Ted-style talk I had done on thought leadership for the FDCC. She saw my face light up and suggested that the topic relate to the intersection of writing and mindfulness.

I very happily agreed. My writing and mindfulness practice grew up together. They reinforce each other. Writing helps me let go of thoughts and mindfulness helps me see which ones are worth exploring further. In the span of about six years, I went from being the occasional author to articles in trade magazines, to a daily poster on LinkedIn, then to a weekly blogger and book author.

I don’t claim to be an expert, but this experience and my mindfulness training has helped me develop some tips and best practices for creativity. On April 24th at 12 PM EST, I hope you will join me and the Mindfulness in Law Society online for a session where I’ll discuss this. I will share the top 5 ways that my mindfulness practice helped spur my creativity and I expect some other authors will join and share their tips as well.

This event is open to anyone in the legal profession, which includes lawyers (including those in law adjacent fields), law students, law professors, and support staff. Please join us or reach out if you have any questions. You can register here.


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Self-Compassion Can Make Weight Loss Less Painful

A cover image for the blog post Self-Compassion Can Make Weight Loss Less Painful

I’m not stranger to soul-sucking things. After all, I am a lawyer. But when I got on the scale at a recent doctor’s visit, I knew I was in for another one. From years of experience going off the deep end with control issues, I have learned to be skeptical of numbers.

I knew the number on the scale didn’t correlate to my self-worth. I was on guard against the diet industrial complex’s ploy to make me place moral value on my weight. I’m an accomplished, self-respecting, grown ass woman for heaven’s sake. The number on the scale doesn’t define me.

All of this is true, but as soon as I saw the number I knew what I had to do. You see, even though life experience had told me to cautious against letting a scale push me around, I also had some other life experience to consider. Life experience, and medical advice, had given me an ideal weight range. The number I saw on the scale was about 15 pounds above that.

The Reckoning with Truth

I’m tall so this is not a huge amount, but it was enough that I had noticed it. I could see it in pictures. I could feel it in my energy levels. I noticed that some of my workouts were a little harder and some of my clothes fit a little less well. Thus, seeing the number just confirmed what I already knew: it was time to get back in shape.

The clarity of this conclusion, though, didn’t make me hate it any less. In fact, that is probably why I avoided thinking about it until the scale told me I had to face facts. Losing weight is hard. The very thought of weight management makes me nervous because I have wrestled with self-loathing about my weight before.

An image with a quote about how mindfulness and self-compassion can make weight loss less painful

So I started thinking. Does weight loss have to be terrible? Is it destined to be painful and awful? Or is there a way to do it that doesn’t hurt so much? In fact, is there a way to make healthier choices that doesn’t suck all the goodness and joy out of life? I think there is and it’s rooted in mindfulness and self-compassion.

Getting Motivated to Start

Habit change can feel really overwhelming at first. When it comes to weight loss, it can be extra hard because eating permeates so much of our daily life. Deciding to change how you eat, therefore, isn’t as simple as just deciding. Instead, it requires planning and commitment.

Self-compassion helped me find the motivation to get started because it helped me look at the factors nonjudgmentally to decide that now was an ideal time to try. Instead of wallowing in the feelings of overwhelm that told me change would be too hard, I examined the facts.

In truth, I got super businesslike about it and did an informal SWOT analysis.

  • Strengths: Solid workout routine including strength training means calories should be easy to burn. I’m skilled at cooking and enjoy healthy, nutrient dense foods. I have had success with weight loss in the past.
  • Weaknesses: I have 2 kids who won’t allow me to just stop buying snacks and treats. My schedule is busy and can impede healthy eating. I have to network a lot which means temptation is always near.
  • Opportunities: Warmer weather means more pleasant opportunities for movement and better produce for cooking healthy foods. I have a stable routine at work that will support habit change. I like experimenting with new things to see what works.
  • Threats: I’m over 40 and it may be harder to lose weight than in the past. I have had bad experiences with weight loss attempts in the distant past.

This may not sound very warm and fuzzy, so you may be wondering how this is self-compassion. In truth, though, self-compassion isn’t always about being soft with yourself. I think of it more as being clear with yourself instead of being unfairly biased against yourself.

An image with a quote about self-compassion

Identifying the Problem

Once I got motivated to start considering weight loss, self-compassion was also helpful in considering where the weak points were in my habits. There is so much pressure on most of us, especially women, to maintain a healthy weight that this can be really hard. We can easily slide into feeling totally out of control and worthless.

In my case, I was able to avoid it because I realized my struggles with weight were all caused by understandable factors. First, I have always loved food so it is an easy thing for me to unconsciously use food for comfort instead of nourishment. Second, the last few years for me have been a bit volatile with a few job changes.

Third, and most significantly, I still had lingering habits from the pandemic. During social distancing, I had to manage my own mood and the moods of my household. Having very few other options to do this, edible treats became one way of doing this.

Getting clear about where my habits went awry helped me avoid attacking my own character and judging myself. Instead, with self-compassion, I was able to clearly evaluate my habits so I could focus on improving my behavior.

Crafting a Plan

Once I got motivated and clear about where things went wrong, I was ready to craft a plan that would help me turn my analysis into actionable steps. The goal was fortunately clear to me: lose 15 pounds. My SWOT analysis and past experience, though, told me that I had to offer myself some extra supports.

First, I decided to try a food journal (specifically this one I found on Amazon) because I had success using one in the past. I avoid calorie tracking or a ton of precision on amounts. I don’t go in for diets or restrictive eating because it feeds my control issues. With the food journal, I keep track of what I eat, when I eat, and how the food makes me feel. This helps me be intentional about my choices.

Second, I decided to get help from an expert. As I have shared before, I loved The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer. He also has an app called Eat Right Now and a book about mindful eating. I bought a subscription to the app and decided to give it a try. Curiosity about the app and checking in each day motivated me and helped me establish my habit in the first few weeks.

A blog post about goals and supporting yourself with mindfulness and self-compassion

Third, I added healthier items for me to my grocery list. I replaced my normal snacks with more nutrient dense options. I stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies I enjoy. I also made sure to add a variety of foods that would be good for lunches and snacks so i could avoid eating out as much as possible.

Finally, I planned to eat more frequently. I knew from experience that my energy tended to flag at about 3 hours and hunger would usually set in by then. As a result, I started planning smaller but more frequent meals and snacks.

You may notice that this plan was not primarily about minimizing calories. Instead, it was about eating better and feeling better overall. Embedded in the plan was the assumption that habit change is hard so supports are necessary.

Imperfect Implementation

Implementation of the plan, of course, is the hard part. This is where self-compassion really gets to shine. Of course, I know that it would be nearly impossible to make healthy food choices 100% of the time for the rest of my life. I knew that there would be times when I’d struggle, make the wrong choice, or just feel unmotivated.

When I started implementing, perfection was not my goal. Instead, a positive trend line marked by negative weight change and positive improvements in how I felt was the goal. To get this, I knew from experience that treating myself well was important.

I noticed and celebrated successes. I noticed when I enjoyed my healthy food. I noticed when I ate a bit more than I needed and how it felt. I noticed when days were harder because I was tired. And when temptation comes up up, I didn’t resist or beat myself up and instead just let it come.

An image explaining mindful eating and the importance of self-compassion

In short, my big implementation strategy is that I assume it will be hard to establish and maintain a long-term healthy eating habit. Because I recognize every day that what I am doing is hard, I let go of perfection and remember that coaching myself with kindness must be a daily practice.

Conclusion (Well Sort of)

I wish I could wrap this post with a neat and tidy conclusion, but the truth is that this is an ongoing process. After about 5 weeks, I am about 2/3 of the way to my goal. I feel better. I have learned a lot just by paying attention to how I eat. I admit that I am proud too.

Of course, achieving goals and losing weight will usually inspire pride in most of us. This time around, I am proud that I treated weight loss like any other goal. I analyzed the issues, crafted a plan, identified supports, and implemented it.

Despite my history with struggles with weight and all the years doubting myself when it came to food, I was able to treat weight loss like any other challenging goal because I had self-compassion. So, if you are thinking about getting back in shape, I suggest that you start by being fair with yourself and focus on treating yourself well.


If you want some practices that may help with a weight loss effort or being good to yourself, check these out:

Did you know restorative yoga is associated with weight loss? Relaxation and restoration can have its benefits. Whether you have props or not, you can try it out with this practice here:


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Three Simple Steps Lawyers Can Use to Build Self-Compassion

Cover image for the blog post Three Simple Steps Lawyers Can Use to Cultivate Self-Compassion

Self-compassion features prominently on this blog. In part that is because cultivating self-compassion is a huge part of my personal journey. I consider it one of the greatest gifts of my meditation practice and perhaps the biggest shift in my life. It is what helped me grow after decades of overthinking, anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

My story, though, is not unique. Self-compassion has been proven to help people achieve goals, build happiness, take risks, and foster closer relationships. Beyond this, even for those of us to whom it does not come naturally, self-compassion can be cultivated with practice and time.

But how do you “practice self-compassion.” The good news is that this this, too, has been researched. Thanks to the work of researcher and author, Kristin Neff, among others, we know that self-compassion has three primary aspects which any of us can use to learn to bring into your own life and work to help yourself.

1. Mindfulness

Many of us who struggle with self-compassion worry that it may cause us to become too soft on ourselves. We may be concerned that we will rest on our laurels, get a big head, or even overlook our own unethical or hurtful conduct. If this is you, you may be relieved to learn that mindfulness is an essential element of self-compassion.

At its heart, self-compassion means that we are sensitive to our own needs and suffering. In this way, mindfulness has to be there because we can’t be compassionate towards something of which we are unaware. This aspect can matter a lot for lawyers who are often focused on the suffering of others. Just acknowledging our own struggles is where mindfulness fits in in to self-compassion.

Beyond this, though, mindfulness is also a steadying and stabilizing force. This is what helps us notice things without getting lost in them. In the context of self-compassion, mindfulness is what helps us realize we are having a problem without piling on by taking the situation personally or judging ourselves for our reactions.

An image sharing the benefits of cultivating self-compassion for lawyers and others

2. Common Humanity

The next aspect of self-compassion is common humanity. This aspect helps us embed our individual struggle in the context of the human story. When bad things happen, it is very easy to think “why me” or “woe is me” or “I’m the worst person in the world.”

Invoking common humanity, though, helps you zoom out from this common storyline. Instead of responding “why me” when a hard situation happens, you may consider that bad things are an unfortunate but normal part of life. Instead of the self-pity of “woe is me” or self-judgment, you may remember that your story is like the stories of so many others.

This aspect of self-compassion is important for lawyers especially. In hard times, even the best of us may tend to self-isolate or get lost in shame. Common humanity is what helps us avoid that tangle because it reminds us of our connection to other people. At a minimum, this can help loosen the grip of self-judgment. Eventually, though, it may also help us seek out and accept kindness and support from our community when we need it most.

3. Self-Kindness

The last aspect of self-compassion flows from the first two. Once you have become aware of your own suffering and recognized it as a part of the human story, it becomes easier to take care of yourself.

To put it very simply, self-kindness means giving yourself what you need. This sounds simple and it truly can be when we let it. At the beginning, though, it may feel pretty awkward.

Think about it for a minute: how much were you taught to take care of yourself? Most of us weren’t. Instead, many lawyers have historically been taught to take care of others first. We are validated and praised when we set our feelings aside and focus to focus on someone else’s needs.

Image showing the elements of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness

Most of these lessons aren’t intended to be taken in the extreme, but when they aren’t balanced by other teachings and practices they can become so. That’s why self-compassion cultivation is important and has been shown to be so powerful: it empowers us to strike a balance in caring for ourselves and others.

In some situations and after some practice, we may get pretty good at identifying our needs and honoring them. If you need some help, though, I recommend considering the basic human needs first. The acronym HALT for “hungry, angry, lonely, tired” is a basic and easy to memorize tool that can help you scan through the usual suspects of basic needs. For a more in-depth version of this, I like this list of needs from Marshall Rosenberg, the author of Nonviolent Communication.

Conclusion

These are the three aspects of self-compassion, but knowing these aspects is just the first step. The next step is putting them into practice. Though it may feel awkward at first and you won’t always have the presence of mind to bring these steps to mind, I hope you can find ways to use them in your life and work. I have done so and it has helped me take care of myself and my community much better.


If you want to try some self-compassion practices, check out some of these guided meditations on our YouTube channel here:


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How to Meditate When You’re Too Busy to Breathe

A cover image for the blog post How to Meditate When You're Too Busy to Breath

Lack of time is the excuse I hear most often from other lawyers who tell me that they wish they could develop a meditation habit. As a lawyer and mom who teaches mindfulness and manages this blog on the side, I know that’s understandable. Lawyers are among the busiest of people and we are often busy for very good reasons.

Even so, I have noticed a funny thing in my ten years of meditation practice. When I am the busiest, my meditation habit is the strongest. It is the times when my schedule loosens up that I struggle more.

My theory on this is that I implicitly know I need my meditation practice more when I am busy, and so I find ways to work it in no matter what. As a result, I have had lots of practice figuring out how to keep a meditation habit going even when I am too busy to breathe.

Here are the things that have helped me to continue meditation even in the busiest of times.

1. Preserve the Habit

An image about preserving the habit of of mindfulness during busy times for lawyers

If an intense schedule limits your time, it may help to simplify your approach. When this happens to me, I have learned to move into “preserve the habit” mode. What does this mean? I give myself slack in terms of what I might “normally” do. I accept that I don’t have as much time/energy/motivation now but set an intention to get back to it when things calm down.

At the same time, I find ways to reconnect with my habit in small ways every day so I can continue to see myself as the person who does that healthy habit. As the book Atomic Habits instructs, identity is an important part of habit formation and maintenance, so continuing this link can help us stay on track long-term.

For a meditation habit, continuing the link may mean sitting for just one minute, taking a few mindful breaths, or building in some small pockets of open space into my schedule. This is a small shift that does not take much time but it helps me keep my good habits alive for the long-term.

2. Self-Compassion

An image about the importance of self-compassion for a meditation habit

Sometimes when we get busy, doubt and self-judgment can arise and make things so much worse. We may start to criticize ourselves for not managing our schedule properly or remind ourselves how we “never” stick to healthy habits. Though human, these thoughts don’t help.

If anything, thoughts like this are self-defeating, unkind, and often untrue. Most lawyers and professionals don’t have total control over their schedules or their places of work. So many factors outside of our individual control affect our schedules that it doesn’t even make sense to put full responsibility for the situation on yourself.

In this way, self-compassion really comes in handy. By applying self-kindness (or at least dampening the harsh self-judgment) we can see more clearly and stop kicking ourselves when we are down. By simply remembering that we didn’t choose the situation and are only doing our best, it can make a big difference in shifting the focus to caring for ourselves in a difficult situation.

3. Do What You Need Now

An image about allowing one's mindfulness habit to serve one's needs

As I mentioned early, it’s kind of a shame that healthy habits suffer in busy times because that is when they are essential. So, in busy times, my advice is to let your meditation practice serve your immediate needs.

Do you just need a 1-minute breather between meetings? Do you need a body scan to help you get to sleep at night? Do you just need a 5-minute self-compassion break? Do you need a quick mindful walk around the block or a 10-minute yoga stretch?

Mindfulness practices can help you explore spirituality, acknowledge deep personal longings, and connect to something bigger than yourself. They can also help you survive hard times. There’s nothing wrong with using the practices as tools when you need them. In fact, seeing this practical value in times when the tools are needed most may sustain your practice more than anything else.

4. Pair Meditation with Another Activity

An image offering the idea that meditation can pair well with another activity

Meditation does take some time but it doesn’t always have to take extra time. One way to help yourself and maintain your habit is to be efficient with your meditation practice by pairing it with another activity.

The most obvious way to do this is to use those bits of time you might spend waiting in between activities. If you are sitting at the doctor’s office, take a moment to breathe. Turn off the radio driving to work and enjoy a few minutes of silence.

As I have written before, you can also pair meditation with your exercise routine or trying a walking meditation. Doing most activities, like cooking or washing dishes or even taking a shower mindfully, may open your eyes to how wonderful they can be. Let me tell you, a mindful shower is fantastic.

Because mindfulness can happen in any time, we can bring it into any life activity and this can help sustain us when life is busy.

5. Notice What Happens When You Miss Meditation

An image explaining that mindfulness can happen when you notice the effects of missing meditation practice

If you truly can’t find any time to meditate, you still have one ace left in your pocket. The number one instruction for mindfulness practice is to pay attention. It stands to reason, then, that if your mindfulness habit suffers, the next move is to keep paying attention.

This is not a gimmick. It’s practical. Lots of want to maintain a meditation habit to get mental or even physical health benefits. When we first start, we may notice that we feel better, rush less, or our thoughts are less scattered or even that we are a bit nicer to others. This recognition is often the best motivation to keep practicing.

The same thing can be true if your practice gets disrupted for a while. Years ago, I lost my practice for almost a year due to a series of life events. What did I notice? That many of my adverse mental habits and tendencies returned. I started ruminating a lot. I seemed to always feel angry and bitter and hopeless. When a loved one told me I may need to talk to someone, I decided to resume my meditation practice as a first line intervention.

The practice helped me immediately but the experience helped me internalize that I needed to make meditation a priority. This happened not just because I got started again, but because I paid attention to the difference between my life with meditation and life without it.

Conclusion

Busy schedules are a reality for many lawyers and working professionals. Even so, it doesn’t mean that our personal well-being and healthy habits have to go by the wayside. With some creativity, flexibility, and self-compassion, we can maintain a mindfulness habit even when life is hectic. In fact, as I have experienced, doing so may help us manage the hectic times with a bit more grace, kindness, and ease.

If you are short on time but want to work in a meditation, check out some of these guided meditations under 5 minutes:


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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The Truth about Compassion Fatigue that Lawyers Need to Know

A cover image for the blog post The Truth about Compassion Fatigue that Lawyers Need to Know

Have you ever had touchy subjects? These are the topics that come up a lot and they always get on your nerves. You find yourself getting irritated and explaining something at length to someone who clearly doesn’t care about the issue as much as you do. For me, that thing is “compassion fatigue.”

Why on earth would this subject set me off? Well, it sets me off because the very term “compassion fatigue” gets the concept wrong. “Compassion fatigue” is a term that describes the physical, emotional, and psychological impact of helping others — often through experiences of stress or trauma.

There’s Some Confusion about Compassion and Empathy.

This is a true phenomenon that happens. Absolutely, it is one that affects many lawyers. The thing is, though, that compassion is not the real problem. The real culprit is empathy and the name of the thing everyone wants to talk about is in fact more accurately called “empathic overwhelm.”

Now, I bet you are the one feeling a bit touchy. I bet you are thinking “Empathy! Oh my stars! Empathy is so important. It makes us better people. It binds us together. How could we ever live without empathy?” Hold your horses.

I’m not arguing we should or even could live without empathy. I am suggesting, contrary to nearly everybody else on the internet, that empathy has some downsides. I’m also saying–along with some experts–that empathy and compassion aren’t the same thing. (If you want to know which experts, check out the The Craving Mind from Judson Brewer, the Science of Compassion from Kelly McGonigal, or the book Against Empathy by Paul Bloom.)

An image explaining the difference between compassion fatigue and empathic overwhelm

What Is Empathy?

So what is empathy? There are different types of it. The term sometimes refers to “cognitive” empathy, where we understand how someone else may be feeling. The other variety is “affective” empathy where we take on someone else’s feelings.

It is affective empathy that is most powerful but also most dangerous for us as lawyers. Affective empathy allows us to share in the emotions of other people. In good times, this can be amazing. If you’ve attended an awesome concert or sporting event and gotten swept up in the emotion of the crowd, you’ve experienced this.

The More Accurate Term “Empathic Overwhelm”

But empathy isn’t restricted to good, soft, or beneficial emotions alone. Have you ever had someone yell at you and your first instinct was to yell back? Has this ever happened even before you fully understood what they were mad about? Guess what? That’s empathy too.

Humans are social animals and so this trait of picking up and sharing emotions is wired into us. It can bind us together, whether that’s a good thing or not. The other downside is that empathy gets tired really quickly. It takes a lot of energy to feel big emotions. And doing this taxes our nervous system pretty quickly.

If we are in an otherwise stressful situation (and of course lawyers usually are), we can get overwhelmed very quickly. And this is why the experience is correctly called “empathic overwhelm.”

An image explaining empathy and that it is not restricted to positive emotions

How Is Compassion Different?

Now, you may be wondering why the name of this particularly icky experience is so significant. It matters because compassion can actually be a solution to empathic overwhelm. As I have shared before, compassion is not merely feeling someone else’s feelings. Instead, compassion is presence with suffering plus the willingness to help.

Compassion is not about an individualized experience of pure emotion. Instead, it’s about our connections to each other and our common humanity. Empathy is powerful because it spotlights an individual’s feelings and then mirrors that experience in us. Compassion is powerful because it is the human capacity to face difficulty with a kind intent.

Unlike empathy, compassion is far more durable. It does not get easily overwhelmed. In addition, the experience of compassion actually rewards us on the back end with the release of positive hormones, like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. If you pay attention after a compassion response, you may notice a warm glow or feeling of stability and deep well-being.

Why Should Lawyers Care about the Terminology?

And this brings me to the real true reason why this matters for lawyers. Despite my overbearing start, my point with this post is not to criticize terminology. Instead, my point is to address the assumptions underlying the terms used. By calling it “compassion fatigue”, the suggestion seems to be that lawyers could use less compassion, need take a break from compassion, or are harmed just by helping people.

In truth, the research does not bear that out for most cases. Helping people is not what harms lawyers. Instead, it is the way we help people that matters. Despite this, society sends us the resounding message that empathy is the one thing that will make the world better.

But that advice for lawyers is really problematic. Lawyers, who deal with high emotions in their clients, opposing counsel, and colleagues and have to remain stable enough to offer good advice, need to feel other people’s feelings more?

Compassion Is a Potential Solution and Not the Problem.

I don’t think so. Lawyers need the bandwidth to be able to have some cognitive empathy for clients and others. But uncontrolled empathy in the midst of legal conflicts is not ideal at all. Thus, what lawyers actually need is the ability to monitor and temper empathy.

An image comparing empathy and compassion

That’s what compassion and it’s sidekick mindfulness can do. These faculties don’t take empathy away. Instead, they can help balance and stabilize it. One reason this is most of interest to lawyers is that compassion, unlike empathy, is big enough to include oneself. While empathy almost forces us into someone else’s emotional storms, self-compassion can help us recognize and honor our own need for support.

The even better news? Even though we can’t uproot empathy and I don’t think we should try, we can cultivate mindfulness and compassion with formal and informal practices to have more stability and presence in our lives and work.

Conclusion: Say Empathic Overwhelm Instead.

In short, if someone says the term “compassion fatigue” to you, I hope I can count on your help in educating them that a better term is “empathic overwhelm.” You don’t have to get as touchy or overbearing as me either. You can just let them know that compassion is beneficial for us, but empathy gets worn out quickly. If they want a longer explanation, just send them this post.

Want to understand more about this? Check out the recent webinar that our founder did for the Kentucky Justice Association on this topic:

In addition, if you want a practice to check and monitor empathy in yourself, try our new guided meditation. This practice will help you build the skill of checking in with yourself so you can recognize and honor your own needs.


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Manage Anxiety about Public Speaking

Cover image for blog post How to Manage Anxiety about Public Speaking

Last week, I shared a Ted-style talk that I had to give in front of a pretty large crowd of my fellow lawyers. I love public speaking in general and was passionate about the subject. Even so, the novelty of my approach–especially my decision to memorize the talk–created some last minute nervousness for me.

Due to my years of mindfulness training and experience speaking, I was able to be pretty systematic in response to my fears. I talked myself through the anxiety the night before, was able to prepare and then relax enough to sleep well, and the talk was a big success. The most important indicator of this success was the fact that I had a blast giving the talk.

I know public speaking induces anxiety for many people, including lawyers, so I decided to write down the 5 steps that helped me the most. Here they are:

1. Stop Spiraling Thoughts

If you have anxiety, you are probably no stranger to spiraling thoughts. This can be really painful because thoughts are hard to control. The thoughts may feel like truths, they may be overwhelming in amount, and they can induce powerful emotional reactions. The thinking process itself can also lock you in because you may feel like you have to answer all of the questions before you can move on or calm down.

One thing that mindfulness helped me realize, however, was to recognize that spiraling thoughts were just a symptom of anxiety. In practice, this means letting go of answering each individual thought and focusing instead on the pattern of thinking. What is all the thinking trying to say? It’s saying “I am scared and I want control to make me feel more safe.”

With something like public speaking, it’s human to want a guarantee all will go well. But it’s just not in the cards. Accepting the risk involved and the vulnerability that goes with it is a basic but essential step to stopping the thought spiral.

An image about anxiety and racing thoughts

2. Quantify the Suck.

Once you are able to accept that risk is involved and you have calmed down enough to be logical, you can tap into curiosity and pragmatism. As I said, public speaking is inherently risky. We have to speak, look intelligent, not fall down, keep breathing, and look like we are relaxed while other people just watch us.

But let’s get real. What is the risk exactly? Assuming things go badly, can you quantify how bad? How many minutes is the speech? What percentage of the time will actually be truly awful? What are the tangible and likely risks involved?

Most of the time, the odds are that these things are not as bad as our fear minds would make it seem. Most of us are rational people. We wouldn’t agree to speak if it was all risk and pain. When it comes to public speaking, the worst risk many of us face is a few minutes of awkwardness and some temporary embarrassment after.

If you are calm enough that you can avoid creating a horror fantasy for yourself, getting clear about what you fear in concrete terms can help you face and manage it.

3. Plan for the Worst.

This tip is not about pessimism or cynically setting low expectations in the hope that you will be pleasantly surprised. What I really mean with this one is making a preemptive commitment to self-compassion. Lawyers are expected so frequently to be tough and brave and show up in defense of others that this step can easily be overlooked.

The truth is that we are people too and so caring for ourselves like we are human beings can make a big difference. Anxiety can sometimes create the illusion that the thing we fear is a “game over” situation. We get so focused on the fear that we forget it’s not the end of the story. We forget we have endured painful and awkward things before and lived to tell the tale.

How did we do this? Most likely with kindness towards ourselves, time, and help from our friends and family. So, when I have big anxiety about something, I always ask “well, what will I do if things go wrong?”

Usually the answer is that I will take some time to myself. I will wallow for a bit, I will feel sad or angry or whatever. I will talk with my friends. And then eventually I will move on and other people will probably forget even sooner. Given this, make a plan for self-care and self-compassion for after your talk. This plan will help you engage in needed self-care no matter how well the talk goes and it may make you feel a bit more confident too.

An image with 5 tips to manage public speaking anxiety

4. Connect with Your Values

If you are speaking publicly about something, you probably care about it. Even if it is a “boring” legal topic, it’s probably something that matters to you and others for important reasons. One of the things that can help us the most in times of stress is connecting to our values.

The good thing about preparing to speak is that you ideally should be reviewing and thinking about the content of your talk. This is not just a chance to place facts neatly at the front of your mind; it’s also a chance to remember why they matter.

When you connect with the values underlying your talk, it is easier to be brave. It helps to remember that you aren’t just speaking to fill time or harass yourself. Instead, the point of the effort is to convey an important message to the audience.

5. Get Out of Your Head

Of course, anxiety is not just thoughts and that’s the problem. Anxiety can also create a whole lot of bodily issues that can be problematic for public speaking. There may be jitters, a shaky voice, or insomnia the night before. How do you deal with this? Learn how to tend to your body.

Body scan meditation can be a great practice for relaxing the body. For this reason, it may help with relaxation before the talk or getting to sleep the night before. Exercise or some form of movement, including a short walk, can help you ditch the last minute jitters. Grounding practices, where you notice the sensation of weight and stability, may help you maintain composure during the talk itself.

The common thread running through all of these practices is to accept and allow the bodily experiences that arise rather than judging yourself for them. These practices may not guarantee that you won’t have any nervousness when you talk, but they can help you avoid compounding the nervousness with self-judgment.

Anxiety is a real and painful experience. These five tips aren’t intended to present the illusion that anxiety is easy to manage. They are offered, however, to show that learning to take aspects of anxiety piece by piece can make it more manageable. These strategies have helped me many times and I hope they help find success and fun in your next speaking engagement.


Want to try a meditation practice that can help with performance anxiety? Check it out here.


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Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

How to Become a Thought Leader When You Have No Followers

A cover image for a blog post entitled How to Become a Thought Leader When You Have No Followers

I have had a very busy couple of weeks. Fortunately, that business has been almost all good. I have had several talks and presentations over the last few weeks, which included all of my favorite things: mindfulness, writing, stress management, and leadership. I have also had some articles publish which I have not yet had an opportunity to share, but will soon. The bad news, however, is that I didn’t have time to write a blog post for the week.

Then I realized that I was maybe being too restrictive. It finally donned on me that one of the talks I am scheduled to give would make a pretty good blog post. I was asked to give a Ted-style talk on the topic of “leadership” for the Federation of Defense and Corporate Counsel. Given how much I love writing, I decided I would write about “thought leadership” and specifically how I came to it.

The talk traces my story from starting with little writing experience and only a couple hundred followers on LinkedIn to becoming a speaker, author, and blogger. And, of course, it shares how meditation was at the origins of it all. If you are interested in writing, business development, or the power of mindfulness, check out a print version of it here:

­­What is thought leadership?

I’m here to talk to you this morning about thought leadership. This sounds really impressive. Forbes defines a thought leader as “a person who is specialized in a given area and whom others in that industry turn to for guidance.” Wow. Kind of a big deal.

Am I a thought Leader? Here’s why.

Am I a thought leader? Did they get it right when he asked me to give this talk?

“Thought leader” is not a word I generally use, but if you twisted my arm I would admit that this definition fits me for certain topics. I’m practicing at a great firm and have demonstrated expertise in my field. I have an established blog and thousands of followers on LinkedIn. I teach mindfulness and compassion in addition to practicing law and raising a family. I give talks and present seminars on mental health, stress management, and more on a regular basis. And I have written two books with more on the way.

Started out a nobody.

When I started, though about 6 years ago, I was a nobody. I was the most junior partner at a small firm in Kentucky. My practice was focused, so I didn’t work with a ton of people. I’m an introvert and assumed for a long time I would never be a rainmaker. And I was the mom of two young girls and didn’t have a lot of expendable time and energy to invest to change this.

An image with a quote about how meditation can help lawyers generate ideas and create content to support thought leadership

Hidden advantage.

But I had one hidden advantage. I thought way too much. You may be wondering how on earth this could be an advantage. For years, it was a huge liability. Overthinking kept me anxious, stuck, and at times spiked into intense depression. Eventually, though, I learned how to harness this power.

My mental health needs forced me to try meditation. When I did, I got distance from and clarity about my thoughts. Many of them, to be sure, were garbage to discard and ignore. But some were ideas for writing. So I started writing to get the thoughts out of my head.

Writing progression.

I wrote articles for trade magazines, then blog posts, and then LinkedIn posts. In doing this, I learned that publishing my thoughts was the only way to let them go. The thoughts always kept coming, so I kept going. I kept writing and eventually realized I needed my own place to write whenever I chose. So I founded my own blog where I publish one post a week. By the end of the first year, I was ready to write my first book. After 3 years, I have written nearly 200 posts in addition to many other resources.

Early doubts and why I got started.

All the while, I had doubts. I was afraid that nobody would care. I was afraid all my efforts would be for nothing. The urge to write, though, was powerful and usually won out over these doubts. But more importantly, I had something to say.

I knew that there was a need for a change in the legal profession. Too many lawyers struggle with mental health and feel like they can’t get any relief or support. Even when mental health challenges are absent, I knew all too well how perfectionism, self-doubt, and overreliance on control could impede lawyers from happiness and doing our best work.

So I started writing about leadership, writing, networking as an introvert, being a working mom, mindfulness, and mental health. I just started offering ideas about what might help others and what had helped me.

Early impediments.

Of course, I was afraid of what people might think. At the beginning, I was not an experienced writer and had not developed my voice. I was a still young lawyer and wasn’t sure it was my place to put my ideas out there. And nobody else in my firm or even my local community was sharing content like mine on social media.

Humility and struggles.

One thing that helped me move forward, though, was to lean into my humility. Rather than act like I had it all figured out, I often shared my struggles. Sometimes I shared things that at a certain time in my life had made me feel ashamed. I wrote about my anxiety, I shared stories about struggling with loneliness and managing anger, and I have been pretty open about my experiments with Dry January to help me manage alcohol.

Afraid but the “why” pushed me along.

Every time I shared something like this, I was afraid of what people might think but I did it anyway because I knew I wasn’t alone and thought it might help. I knew what it was like to feel anxious all the time, out of control of one’s thoughts, and always stressed out or depressed. What I wanted more than anything was for others, not to feel how I had felt. I especially wanted this for my fellow lawyers who make it our life’s mission to serve other people. So if something I wrote could reach someone, resonate with someone, or give them a good resource, then it was worth it to me.

Despite all the fears on the front end, I felt nothing but pride and validation after sharing these stories. Any shame I had felt about my experience melted away when I could acknowledge it simply as a human experience. To my surprise, people reached out to say that they appreciated what I had shared. People told me that they thought I was brave.

Setbacks.

Now, this isn’t every time. Sometimes my posts would bomb. Sometimes nobody cared. But by then I had developed enough self-compassion to not take these things personally. I knew how to take care of any feelings of disappointment, and I remembered that I didn’t start writing for anyone’s approval. Instead, I had started writing because I loved it and had something to say. So I took breaks when needed but then got back to it.

A quote about leadership and being a thought leader for lawyers

Payoff.

As it turns out, it was worth it for many other reasons I could never have expected. When I started sharing content, at first nobody cared. After a while though, people started following me. Then people started reaching out to tell me they liked what I had to say. Then people started inviting me to speak and write more.

Over time, I made some real friends and connections. People referred me work. They looked to me as a resource and sought my input. They invited me to join and become active in networks, like this one, and most recently one friend I gained through with my writing even invited me to join her law firm.

Not a nobody anymore.

Now, I’m not a nobody anymore. Now, I see that I never was. I was a quiet and thoughtful lawyer who sometimes saw things differently from others around me. For years, I thought this was what was wrong with me. I was convinced that this trait is what would hold me back. And it did until I started using it. By putting my copious thoughts to use, I learned my overthinking was the gift I could offer to the world and the profession.

Can you lead without followers?

So, how do you become a thought leader when you have no followers? First, stop thinking about followers. Start instead with the thoughts. What thoughts are you going to offer? What can you say that nobody else can? Or said differently, what is something so important to say that you are willing to take a risk?

That’s the thing. Leadership is not about followers. Leadership is about accountability. It’s about a vision for something better and the willingness to take responsibility to make it happen.

Final advice.

I don’t care how many followers you have or how impressive you are. If you say something authentic, helpful, honest, and kind, you are not a nobody. Instead, you may have a gift that the world and our profession really need.

Get started. Trust yourself. Trust other people (at least some of the time). Use your gifts, whatever they are and even if you never saw them as gifts before. And then see what happens.


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Train Your Mind While Training Your Heart

Cover image for blog post How to Train Your Mind While Training Your Heart about incorporating mindfulness into your exercise routine

I talk a lot about meditation practice on this blog, but meditation is not the only way that you can cultivate mindfulness and compassion. Research is now beginning to emerge that is showing benefits from shorter and shorter increments of meditation. We are also starting to see some evidence of benefits from “informal” mindfulness or compassion practices.

For lawyers short on time, this is good news. As I well know, we don’t always have a 20 or 10 minute block of time to sit and meditate. But, if we are creative, we may find a few spare minutes here and there to sneak in a little bit of deep breathing. Even when this is hard to come by, we may learn some in the moment practices that can help us stay calm and collected or remember to be kind to ourselves.

One of my favorite ways to do this is to incorporate mindfulness and compassion practices into my workout routine. This may sound a little cumbersome, but I already shared a post from a lawyer who built a meditation practice this way. In addition, a recent review of more than 35 studies indicated that mindfulness and exercise might offer unique mental health benefits.

So how can you do this? Here are a few options.

1. Try Yoga or Somatic Workouts.

If you feel totally lost with the idea of integrating mindfulness and cardiovascular exercise, you might be pleased to know that some workouts are specifically designed to do this. Most yoga classes cue participants to notice their breath and pay attention to how their body feels. In general, the best yoga teachers also encourage modifications and self-compassion throughout practice. This is one reason people sometimes call yoga “moving mindfulness”.

Not all yoga is calm and restorative either. Some classes, including power yoga, will include cardio, interval, or even strength training. Along the same lines, somatic workouts like The Class will push your physical limits while cuing you to notice (and if possible release) thoughts and emotions that arise as you move.

An image with summary of a study showing benefits from incorporating mindfulness into exercse

2. Watch Your Breath.

I have enjoyed group fitness in the past, but right now I am all about my Peloton especially Power Zone training on my bike. These rides often call for me to hold a moderate to difficult effort for a period of time. As a meditation teacher, it didn’t take me long to realize that this was a great time to notice my breath.

Doing so often helped me modulate my breath so that I could stay steady during tough intervals or quickly recover when I had a respite. This helps me stay present for the difficulty rather than mentally retreating into anxiety or stress. In many cases, I have found that this makes the experience more enjoyable because it helps me remember that hard work much of the time can be fun and feel good.

3. Listen to Your Body.

I have an Apple watch which monitors my heart rate as I work out. From lots of experience, I have a good idea of my typical range for easy, moderate, and challenging cardio work. One thing I like to do, though, is to remind myself not to panic as my heart rate increases.

Instead of just watching the numbers, I also note how I feel as I am working. I am regularly surprised at how good I feel even when my heart rate is high. I am also regularly surprised to watch my heart rate stabilize or even come down even when my effort doesn’t slow down.

Another way I have done this is to pay attention to my posture. It is very easy to begin slumping or hunching over when you begin to breathe hard. I have trained myself to watch for this so that I can ensure a clear airway for my breath. When I remember to sit up and soften my belly so I can breathe again, things get a little bit easier.

Clearly, I can’t entirely control my heart rate or how I tolerate any given workout. Paying close attention to what my body does during a workout can help me manage my experience better and prevent my anxious mind from taking over.

An image with a quote about the value of incorporating mindfulness and self-compassion into exercise and fitness

4. Monitor that Inner Attitude.

Lots of people exercise because it helps quiet their minds. I am no exception and I certainly think that exercise can help when your mind is getting chatty. Even so, if there’s anything that can get my inner critic going, it’s feeling physically uncomfortable.

A good cardio workout is designed to make me feel physically uncomfortable. If I am having a hard time, it’s not uncommon for my mind to turn negative with complaints about the situation or criticisms of my performance. Guess what? This is not helpful at all.

Over the years, I have started to monitor for the early warning signs of this creeping negativity. If it starts to show up, I first try to be kind to myself by managing my situation by taking a drink of water or adjusting my position or rate of exertion. This often is enough to keep the nasty inner voice from distracting me from my mission.

5. Practice Courage and Compassion.

Even when managing my experience isn’t enough and the workout just sucks, I still have found a way to make the best of the situation. This is because the workouts where I am on the struggle bus are the best ones to practice courage and compassion.

On one particularly challenging ride with tough long intervals, I used every self-compassion strategy I could. I acknowledged my feelings of discomfort by saying “this is hard” but followed it up with “but I can do it.” I considered the meaning of the work and remembered why physical fitness mattered to my life. I even did tonglen practice, where I breathed in the hard feelings and breathed out relief and sent to the other people doing the ride.

Does this seem a little silly or overwrought? Maybe. I certainly laughed at myself afterwards but I also celebrated because I made it. But, if you think about it, sometimes physical sensations (our emotions) can be the biggest impediments to showing courage and compassion when they are needed most. Practicing these skills when the stakes only feel intense may actually be an ideal way to practice them so they are ready when you really need them.

An image showing 5 ways to incorporate mindfulness into your exercise or fitness routine

Conclusion

In an ideal world, all of us would have the time to meditate and work out regularly if not daily. Though most of us don’t live in an ideal world, we may be able to get the best of both worlds in our workouts. With a few small adjustments, you can incorporate informal mindfulness and compassion practices in your exercise routines. With these tips, you can train your mind and heart at the same time.


Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media: