Have you ever had touchy subjects? These are the topics that come up a lot and they always get on your nerves. You find yourself getting irritated and explaining something at length to someone who clearly doesn’t care about the issue as much as you do. For me, that thing is “compassion fatigue.”
Why on earth would this subject set me off? Well, it sets me off because the very term “compassion fatigue” gets the concept wrong. “Compassion fatigue” is a term that describes the physical, emotional, and psychological impact of helping others — often through experiences of stress or trauma.
There’s Some Confusion about Compassion and Empathy.
This is a true phenomenon that happens. Absolutely, it is one that affects many lawyers. The thing is, though, that compassion is not the real problem. The real culprit is empathy and the name of the thing everyone wants to talk about is in fact more accurately called “empathic overwhelm.”
Now, I bet you are the one feeling a bit touchy. I bet you are thinking “Empathy! Oh my stars! Empathy is so important. It makes us better people. It binds us together. How could we ever live without empathy?” Hold your horses.
I’m not arguing we should or even could live without empathy. I am suggesting, contrary to nearly everybody else on the internet, that empathy has some downsides. I’m also saying–along with some experts–that empathy and compassion aren’t the same thing. (If you want to know which experts, check out the The Craving Mind from Judson Brewer, the Science of Compassion from Kelly McGonigal, or the book Against Empathy by Paul Bloom.)
What Is Empathy?
So what is empathy? There are different types of it. The term sometimes refers to “cognitive” empathy, where we understand how someone else may be feeling. The other variety is “affective” empathy where we take on someone else’s feelings.
It is affective empathy that is most powerful but also most dangerous for us as lawyers. Affective empathy allows us to share in the emotions of other people. In good times, this can be amazing. If you’ve attended an awesome concert or sporting event and gotten swept up in the emotion of the crowd, you’ve experienced this.
The More Accurate Term “Empathic Overwhelm”
But empathy isn’t restricted to good, soft, or beneficial emotions alone. Have you ever had someone yell at you and your first instinct was to yell back? Has this ever happened even before you fully understood what they were mad about? Guess what? That’s empathy too.
Humans are social animals and so this trait of picking up and sharing emotions is wired into us. It can bind us together, whether that’s a good thing or not. The other downside is that empathy gets tired really quickly. It takes a lot of energy to feel big emotions. And doing this taxes our nervous system pretty quickly.
If we are in an otherwise stressful situation (and of course lawyers usually are), we can get overwhelmed very quickly. And this is why the experience is correctly called “empathic overwhelm.”
How Is Compassion Different?
Now, you may be wondering why the name of this particularly icky experience is so significant. It matters because compassion can actually be a solution to empathic overwhelm. As I have shared before, compassion is not merely feeling someone else’s feelings. Instead, compassion is presence with suffering plus the willingness to help.
Compassion is not about an individualized experience of pure emotion. Instead, it’s about our connections to each other and our common humanity. Empathy is powerful because it spotlights an individual’s feelings and then mirrors that experience in us. Compassion is powerful because it is the human capacity to face difficulty with a kind intent.
Unlike empathy, compassion is far more durable. It does not get easily overwhelmed. In addition, the experience of compassion actually rewards us on the back end with the release of positive hormones, like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. If you pay attention after a compassion response, you may notice a warm glow or feeling of stability and deep well-being.
Why Should Lawyers Care about the Terminology?
And this brings me to the real true reason why this matters for lawyers. Despite my overbearing start, my point with this post is not to criticize terminology. Instead, my point is to address the assumptions underlying the terms used. By calling it “compassion fatigue”, the suggestion seems to be that lawyers could use less compassion, need take a break from compassion, or are harmed just by helping people.
In truth, the research does not bear that out for most cases. Helping people is not what harms lawyers. Instead, it is the way we help people that matters. Despite this, society sends us the resounding message that empathy is the one thing that will make the world better.
But that advice for lawyers is really problematic. Lawyers, who deal with high emotions in their clients, opposing counsel, and colleagues and have to remain stable enough to offer good advice, need to feel other people’s feelings more?
Compassion Is a Potential Solution and Not the Problem.
I don’t think so. Lawyers need the bandwidth to be able to have some cognitive empathy for clients and others. But uncontrolled empathy in the midst of legal conflicts is not ideal at all. Thus, what lawyers actually need is the ability to monitor and temper empathy.
That’s what compassion and it’s sidekick mindfulness can do. These faculties don’t take empathy away. Instead, they can help balance and stabilize it. One reason this is most of interest to lawyers is that compassion, unlike empathy, is big enough to include oneself. While empathy almost forces us into someone else’s emotional storms, self-compassion can help us recognize and honor our own need for support.
The even better news? Even though we can’t uproot empathy and I don’t think we should try, we can cultivate mindfulness and compassion with formal and informal practices to have more stability and presence in our lives and work.
Conclusion: Say Empathic Overwhelm Instead.
In short, if someone says the term “compassion fatigue” to you, I hope I can count on your help in educating them that a better term is “empathic overwhelm.” You don’t have to get as touchy or overbearing as me either. You can just let them know that compassion is beneficial for us, but empathy gets worn out quickly. If they want a longer explanation, just send them this post.
Want to understand more about this? Check out the recent webinar that our founder did for the Kentucky Justice Association on this topic:
In addition, if you want a practice to check and monitor empathy in yourself, try our new guided meditation. This practice will help you build the skill of checking in with yourself so you can recognize and honor your own needs.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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