Why I Feel Good about Turning 40

At 0 years old, I was totally dependent on others for survival.

By 10, I thought I was so damn smart.

When I was 20, I had no idea where my life was headed.

Though I had direction by 30, I was totally overwhelmed by life.

And now that I’m 40. Do I have amazing wisdom? Am I totally poised? Have I reached the pinnacle of success or am I at least on the path to it? I don’t know. Maybe. But here’s the thing: I just don’t care so much.

That’s why I feel good about turning 40. When I say I “don’t care”, I don’t mean that I don’t care about life, the direction in which my life is headed, or whether I’m making an impact. I think you should care about those things to lead a happy life.

It’s just that, at 40, I understand the value of caring in proportion. I’ve felt the pain of efforting through life and learned that things often work out even if they fall apart first. So, now I don’t have to worry about “being somebody” and can instead just be myself.

To be perfectly honest, I am still totally dependent on others. Though I am damn smart, I have no clue where life is headed. And I am still totally overwhelmed by life. But now I know that this is how life is supposed to be.

I’ve written a lot on this blog about how mindfulness has helped me. Though this aspect of mindfulness is perhaps the most ineffable, it may also be the most impactful. For most of my life, I have been a fighter. I would complain when things were not to my liking. I would resist when things were not under my total control. And I would doubt and blame myself when I struggled.

Over time, mindfulness helped me learn to rest a little more and fight a little less. I didn’t always have to evaluate how I was doing. I didn’t always have to make every experience ideal. I could learn to relax a little bit, let life unfold, and at times let my loved ones carry me.

And when I sat to meditate, over the course of the last ten years, I saw the beauty in vulnerability, the brilliance of a clear mind, the expansiveness of not knowing, and the gifts that desperation can sometimes bring. If anything, this means I don’t feel old because those younger parts of me are still here. Even better, I’ve learn to let them sometimes have a voice.

I also don’t feel sad because I haven’t lost anything. I’ve gained life experience and the skills to face what life brings. So, I feel good about turning 40. I’m proud and happy that this year I can just blow out the candles, enjoy the day, and face with a full heart whatever the next decade brings.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Special Event: A Vision for the New Year and Guided Meditation

2020 was a rough year for many of us. While we might like to rush as quickly into the future as we can, it is still unclear what the future will look like. As much as you might want to make progress and move forward after a year of what feels like sitting still, you have trouble figuring out how to do that after a year of such disruption.

I think meditation can help with this a lot because, when things feel like a mess, it can help you sit still for a moment to let things settle so you can examine what’s really there. But the special circumstances of 2020 call for extra help so I called for backup from my friend Laura Chipman. In addition to being a lawyer and mom like me, Laura is a life coach for lawyers.

Together, we offered this webinar to members of MothersEsquire where Laura led an exercise to help review 2020 and set intentions and goals for 2021. I then guided a meditation to help you acknowledge your reactions to the past and aspirations for the future and honor the emotions that arise in the process. As an added bonus, Laura created a great workbook from the event so you can work through this exercise at your own pace. Get your copy here.

Please enjoy and Happy New Year!

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media: