Author Archives: Claire E. Parsons

Claire E. Parsons is Of Counsel at Bricker Graydon Wyatt LLP in Cincinnati, Ohio. She has practiced for the last fifteen years in the areas of litigation, employment, local government law. Claire is an active leader in her community and in the legal profession. She has led innovative charitable programs in her community, statewide legal organizations, committees relating to the promotion of women professionals. Claire is also a frequent writer and speaker for these and other organizations. She has published and spoken about numerous topics, ranging from complex legal issues, to law practice, networking and marketing, as well as mindfulness and wellness for lawyers and other professionals. She writes regularly on LinkedIn and even co-authored a book this year with 19 other women lawyers about how they used the platform to network and pursue career goals during the pandemic. In 2013, Claire began a mindfulness practice early in her law career and as she was learning to be a new mom to her eldest daughter, Sophie. When Claire began the practice, she saw it gradually transform her life for the better by helping her to reduce overthinking, manage stress, and infuse compassion practices into her daily life. Over the next few years, she continued to study mindfulness practices and attend retreats. In 2018, Claire began speaking and writing on these topics and she quickly became regarded as a resource for professionals as someone who can explain meditation practices in an approachable and practical way. She has completed more than 1000 hours of training to teach mindfulness and compassion, including meditation and a variety of other mind-body practices, including yoga, pranayama, and somatic healing. Claire has also authored two books, How to Be a Badass Lawyer and Mommy Needs a Minute. You can learn more and connect with her through the blog or on LinkedIn.

How to Start a Meeting Well: 5 Mindful Steps

Image for blog post and a guided meditation, How to Start a Meeting Well: 5 Mindful steps

This week I had a planning retreat for one of the boards on which I sit. They asked me I would lead a quick guided meditation to get us started off in a mindful way. I love guiding meditation so I easily said yes.

I was not asked for any specific kind of practice, so I suppose any standard breath practice might do. Even so, as a member of the board, I wanted to prepare something a bit more relevant to the work we had to do. So I prepared a a new guided meditation (which you can try below) to help us get ready to work together well.

Though I am a lawyer, I traditionally have hated meetings. I often find them to be boring, unfocused, and a waste of time. Given this, I considered the ways that mindfulness helps to those pitfalls. Here are the five strategies I relied on in the practice to help us start our meeting off well.

1. Settle and Focus

Any good meditation should start off with some strategy to encourage settling down so the mind can focus. A good meeting is no different. It helps to let everyone find their seat, take a look at the agenda, and begin to focus on items for discussion.

This this step seems obvious, it is one that busy people, like lawyers, can easily miss. Taking a few minutes to slow down and shift focus to the purpose of the meeting is a simple step that can make a big difference.

2. Acknowledge the Investment of Time

Why do so many people dislike meetings? It’s obvious. They are often a waste of time. A good meeting is one that offers value in exchange for investment of time.

One way to keep this idea front and center is to acknowledge up front the investment of time that everyone is making to attend the meeting. When people come to a meeting, they make a choice to set other obligations aside.

Reward this investment of time by acknowledging the effort everyone has made to attend. And make a commitment to use the time in the meeting well.

3. Connect with Your Purpose

Purpose is a big motivator for most of us, but it is something easily overlooked. Some of us are in the habit of going to meetings because they are on our calendar. Bossed around by our schedules the way many of us are, we may rarely reflect on our individual purpose.

As someone who dislikes meetings, I find that connecting with my individual purpose helps a lot. Even though my habit of showing up to things on my calendar is entrenched, I feel a lot more engaged if I personally care about the event. Reflecting on your purpose and helping your team members reflect on theirs is a great way to get a meeting started well.

Image listing 5 mindful steps for starting a meeting well

4. Connect with the Group

Individual motivation is powerful but the energy of an entire group is even stronger. To take individual motivation to the next level, it helps to connect each individual’s goals to the collective goals of the team. If you can, take the time to connect each individual to the group.

This may be as simple as reflecting on past wins or identifying roles and responsibilities. Taking this step may be necessary to keep everyone engaged during the meeting discussion and to generate energy for accomplishing action items.

5. Put the Energy to Use

Why did you take the time to settle, focus, and connect the group? Clearly, you did to so to generate and harness energy to use to do quality collective work. The last steps, therefore, is to use the energy and motivation you cultivated well.

A well-crafted agenda should help you do this, but you may also need to appoint a leader to help the group navigate through it. This may include watching time, getting the group back on track if they get off-task, and reviewing action items at the end. Allowing some time for connection and sharing is also a great way to ensure that the work remains energetic and the meeting does not devolve into a boring grind.

Conclusion

Let’s be real, mindful planning is not required for every meeting you attend. Some meetings are short and the purpose is clear. For lengthier meetings or ones that include creativity or long-term planning, a little bit of mindfulness can go a long way. Considering these five steps can help you start a meeting well and end with energy to achieve collective goals.

If you need a simple practice to start a meeting off well, check out this 5-minute guided meditation on YouTube or Insight Timer. You can listen to it on your own before a big meeting or play it for your team.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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It’s Okay If You Meditate Just to Rest

Cover image for blog post entitled "It's okay if you meditate just to rest"

I got up at 3:30 AM last week to catch a flight to New York City with my family. It was going to be a really long day. We had sightseeing and a Broadway show planned. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to sleep on planes, trains, or automobiles. Lucky for me, though, I had another plan: I knew I would be able to meditate on the flight.

Meditation is no substitute for good sleep.

Trust me, I am the last person in the world to try to convince you that meditation is a good substitute for sleep. The impetus for my own meditation practice was postpartum depression, in part induced by intense sleep deprivation while trying to breastfeed my newly born daughter. That experience taught me many things but the most important may be that sleep is a nonnegotiable for me.

Regardless, the reality remains that sleep is not always an option. As a lawyer, I frequently have deadlines or a hectic schedule that can affect sleep. Even when we make the best choices we can, insomnia happens on occasion for a variety of reasons beyond our control.

When sleep is not an option, meditation can help.

In times like these, meditation can really help. On days after a less than ideal night of sleep, I find that a few minutes of meditation really helps me. For one thing, closing my eyes helps them rest and can ward off headaches and tension in my face and neck. Reducing my heart and breath rate also helps my body recover from the extra strain of slogging through the day on limited sleep.

I won’t claim that 10 to 30 minutes feels the same as a good night’s sleep, but it is close to the benefits one might expect from a power nap. Unlike a nap (a luxury my body rarely lets me enjoy), meditation doesn’t leave me feeling groggy the rest of the day. To the contrary, meditating for a quick rest during the day often feels energizing.

Image listing 4 reasons meditation for rest is okay

Meditating for rest can improve your mood and mindset.

Even if I don’t get a big energy boost from meditation, it offers other benefits. Mediation will usually stabilize my mood and mind. This usually means less grouchiness and generally less conflict with any people I may happen to encounter. This can even include myself.

Many lawyers like me may have a habit of pushing past or through our own needs. Taking a few minutes to meditate for the express purpose of resting–instead of improving yourself or boosting performance–is an important recognition that your needs matter. Most of us need reminders like this every so often. When life throws you lemons with too much business or not enough sleep, you make lemonade by taking the opportunity to practice rest.

Conclusion

Some of us who meditate may think the practice has to have some noble purpose. I have a noble purpose for my meditation practice: I practice to create less suffering for myself and others. But, you know what? I am pretty awful at reducing suffering for myself or anyone else when I am tired. And I bet that I’m not alone.

This is why I say that it is okay to meditate just for rest. It’s okay to let go of your noble purpose and big goals, at least for a few minutes. It’s okay to rest your eyes and body and give your mind a break. If you try it out on a hard day, I bet you’ll find that this use of meditation is perfectly consistent with your nobler purposes for the practice.

If you want to try some Guided Meditations with the aim of rest of mind, check these out on Insight Timer or here on Youtube:

Book Review of Confidence by Ethan Nichtern

Cover image for blog post with book review of Confidence from mindfulness teacher Ethan Nichtern

I have been thinking a lot about confidence lately. I’m new to my law firm, so many things feel new. By default, that makes them a little bit hard and scary even if it’s fun too. In addition, I spoke twice on the subject of confidence and mindfulness in the last few months.

Confidence is a subject that most lawyers think about a lot. Some of us believe that confidence is an innate trait and you either have it or you don’t. I don’t believe that in part because of my own history. In fact, that is a big point of my confidence presentation: that you can build skills to help you face life and develop confidence over time.

Why I Read Confidence

When I saw the new book on the subject of confidence come out, it was an easy decision for me to purchase and read it. I was not familiar Nichtern’s teachings on Buddhism and mindfulness but the subject and title reeled me in: Confidence: Holding Your Seat Through Life’s Worldly Winds.

How could I pass that up? With two jobs changes in two years, my two girls entering adolescence, and the political and cultural turmoil that has been the hallmark of American civic life, I certainly have felt the “worldly winds” blowing. I also had a strong level of . . . confidence (ahem) that I was not alone.

Confidence Was a Great Read

When I buy books, there is always a risk that they sit in my to-read stack for years before I pick them up. That didn’t happen with Confidence. I read it right away, found that it was easy to read, and was chock full of insights. I also enjoyed the meditation practices offered.

I recently started a contributor relationship with the Tattooed Buddha blog that would allow me a broader focus for writing. A full book review of Confidence by Ethan Nichtern is one of the first posts I wrote for my column, the Bodhisattva of Power Suits. Check it out and then go get the book.

Want More on Confidence?

If you want more resources and information relating to confidence, I got you covered. Check out the following:

Some of my Guided Meditations also address courage and confidence. You can check them out on Insight Timer or here on YouTube:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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New Free Download: Coping Strategies Ebook

Cover image for blog post sharing free download, Coping Strategies for Difficult Time ebook

When I teach mindfulness, I try to remind people that it is more than coping strategies. For one thing, mindfulness is not a practice or a strategy at all. Mindfulness is a faculty of mind that most human beings have. In addition, mindfulness is not merely about coping. A big part of it is, instead, being with an experience as it is.

Even so, the reality remains that mindfulness practices can help us cope. Mindfulness isn’t a practice, but practices and strategies may be needed to help many of us (myself included) tap into it. In this way, one of the benefits that many people experience when they explore mindfulness practices is an increased ability to cope.

Coping Strategies Can Make a Difference

As a lawyer who deals with stress myself and represents officials who themselves face many stressful situations, I have seen firsthand how much better coping can mean. It can mean less fighting. It can mean less fear and angst. It also mean more creativity, better communication, and better results.

It’s an exceptionally hard time for most of us right now. This week, I will be speaking for two separate groups about stress management practices. Both groups specifically requested demonstrations of coping strategies. I endorse a holistic and long-term approach when it comes to stress management but I can understand the desire for in-the-moment coping strategies too.

What’s in the Coping Strategies Ebook?

To that end, I created the Coping Strategies for Difficult Times Ebook. It is an approximately twenty-page guide with practices offered to help you cope in difficult situations. It is divided into 5 chapters:

  1. Using the breath;
  2. Relaxing the body;
  3. Opening the heart;
  4. Dealing with overwhelm; and
  5. When you feel fidgety.

Each chapter has simple practice that can be done quickly in the midst of a difficult situation. It explains why and how to use the breath to quickly regain calm. It also offers a quick practice for connecting with the body or offering yourself compassion when needed. The last two chapters have practices that are ideal for times of overwhelm or when movement is needed to cause a surge of energy.

The Best Coping Strategy Is Social Support

I offer this book as a simple resource that may offer some support in difficult times. This is not to say that one can or should be expected to cope with all life situations on one’s own. In case you are like me and struggle to ask for help, let this serve as a reminder. Social support is the very best coping strategy available. If you need or might benefit from the support of loved one or trained medical professionals, please give that gift to yourself.

How You Can Get the Coping Strategies Ebook

Getting the ebook is easy. You can find it available for download here. While you are there, you can check out our other downloads and resources and Guided Meditations too.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Be Sure Your Teacher Knows Meditation

Cover image for blog post with title How to Be Sure Your Teacher Knows Meditation

Recently, I had a blast from the past when I did a guided meditation with Lil Jon. I had heard that Lil Jon, who I had known only as a rapper and producer, had released an album of guided meditations (paid link). When I saw Peloton offer a guided meditation with him, I decided to give it a shot.

I have to be honest that Chelsea Jackson Roberts, a renowned teacher of yoga and other mind-body practices, did most of the heavy lifting on this particular meditation. Lil Jon offered a few words, but he didn’t truly guide the practice. And this is when I started pondering.

How Do You Know If Someone Knows Meditation?

This post is not about yucking anyone’s yum when it comes to meditation. There are a lot of ways that people can come to offer guided meditations and spiritual teachings. If people like Lil Jon bring people to meditation with their enthusiasm, then that is a good thing.

With that said, many people offer practices and mindfulness tips on the internet without training or even a regular meditation practice. Some of these individuals, like Lil Jon admits on the first track of his album, are upfront about these things but some are not.

In case you are wondering how you can tell if a teacher is a good source for meditation advice, here are some questions to ask.

1. What is your personal meditation practice like?

Training and education are important for anyone who wants to teach, but regular practice is still essential. Even after more than 1000 hours of training in mind-body practice, I can easily say that most of what I know about meditation came from meditating. Meditation is something that can make an impact even if you only do it for a little while. Yet, it’s also a skill that is best kept sharp.

Where possible, learning about a teacher’s practice, including style, number of years, typical session length, and retreat experience, can help you decide if they can support you. If you want to make a practice a long-term habit, it really helps to be guided by someone who has created one for themself.

2. What is the lineage of your teaching?

Meditation can mean a lot of things. Even within Buddhism, there are numerous lineages of teachings and meditation practices. Outside of this, there are still more.

I have an eclectic background myself, so I don’t profess to tell you which lineage is best here. However, if you are working with a meditation teacher or using a lot of their meditations, it helps to know the source of their teachings. In general, quality teachers will be upfront about this. If they aren’t, ask a question or do some Googling.

Image with question that asks how you know whether a person offering guided meditations knows what they are doing

3. What teacher training have you done?

If there’s one thing I hate about the legal profession, it’s the elitism some people display about law schools. I’m not here to apply that same elitism to meditation teacher programs, in part because I have done a variety of trainings and benefitted from them all.

With that said, you ought to consider whether the teacher you are working with has any training in meditation itself. Many yoga teachers offer meditation, but many basic (200-hour) yoga teacher trainings don’t offer instruction in meditation.

Likewise, it helps to know how many hours of training overall your teacher has done. If you are able to investigate the course requirements, it may also help you determine if the teacher’s training is enough for you.

4. Do you have other training that informs your teaching or use of meditation practices?

One thing that irritates me about discussions of meditation on the internet is that they are often oversimplified. Well-meaning people suggest that meditation is easy or make claims about it’s benefits that aren’t always justified. Even more common is that people fail to account for the risks, counter-indications, and adverse effects that go along with meditation.

For this reason, it is good to know if your teacher can help you modify practice or ensure your safety if you have past trauma, neurodivergence, or other health concerns. It may also help to know if your teacher has any special training in things relating to meditation, including mental health, fitness, yoga, compassion, or other modalities.

An image listing the questions from the blog post intended to help you determine if your teacher knows meditation

5. Do you teach meditation in any way besides offering guided meditations?

There is a difference between teaching meditation and guiding meditation. With a good script, a person with a nice voice and calm demeanor could easily guide a pretty relaxing meditation. The problem is that such a person may not have the training to know which practice to offer when or how to watch a student or audience for signs of distress.

If you are confident in your own ability to select meditations that work for you and modulate yourself in practice, this may not pose much of a risk. However, there may be a limit on what such a person could offer if you have questions about practice or need more support as your practice evolves. If this concerns you, ask whether the person teaches, with explicit instruction or talks, in addition to guiding meditation.

6. What ethical or accreditation standards guide your teaching?

Lawyers have ethical rules that guide our conduct with clients. When it comes to spiritual teachers and guides, ethical standards are much less universal. Some yoga teachers may be subject to ethical rules if they are members of accrediting organizations like Yoga Alliance. Likewise, teachers who are also mental health providers or affiliated with a Buddhist organization are likely subject to ethical requirements.

Many other teachers, even certified teachers, may not be subject to any written ethical codes. Of course, this does not mean that such teachers are unethical or unqualified. It may mean, however, that you must ask to determine if the teacher’s ethical values align with your needs.

Conclusion

This post is not intended as an outline to cross-examine anyone who offers guided meditations. My goal is to make meditation more accessible and not to serve as a gatekeeper for meditation practice.

With that said, there are many people who offer meditation or talk about mindfulness concepts and not all of them have training or experience. I offer this post to help you get curious about the people who may be supporting your practice with teachings or guided meditations. Use the questions to satisfy your curiosity, meet your personal needs, and protect your safety.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Meditate When You Can’t See Mental Images

Cover image for blog post entitled How to Meditate When You Can't See Mental Images

If you aren’t a writer, artist, or meditation teacher, you may not have investigated how clear mental images are for you. I have long known that I am not a “visual person” but I didn’t realize how “not visual” I am until I tried to meditate. Mental imagery for me is, at best, hazy and short-lived and requires intentional effort.

Most people may not think this is a big deal, but I do because I am a meditation teacher and a writer. Anyone who meditates has likely come across some visualization techniques in meditation practice. Because I meditate, I am acutely aware of my own past struggles with these practices. I couldn’t avoid them entirely, however, because many heart practices, including my favorite loving-kindness, use some form of visualization.

This is why I looked closer at the issue and got training in neurodiversity-informed mindfulness to understand it better. Based on this, I have learned to modify my meditation practice to work around my inability to visualize. This post will identify the tips that worked for me.

1. Meditate on Your Mental Visual Ability

Did you know that there is a condition called “aphantasia” which refers to the inability to see mental images? If you haven’t heard of this, you aren’t alone. I had only discovered it recently myself. Aphantasia is not a mental disorder or something that necessarily indicates a health condition. Instead, it’s just a way to describe one’s relative ability to see mental images.

Image with a self-test for aphantasia that can help you identify how strong your ability to visualize mental images

Test Option A

The good news for all of us is there is a handy test for exploring your ability to visualize yourself. As the image here shows, bring an apple to mind. Consider how detailed it is. Can you see color, shape and details? How long does the image stay in your mind? How easy is it for you to hold it there?

Test Option B

Another way to consider this is to talk about it with others. I started to understand the impact of my mental visual ability better when I was training to teach mindfulness and compassion. After one guided practice, a classmate described an elaborate image of a butterfly with beautiful colors graceful fluttering wings.

Based on both categories of tests, I don’t have aphantasia but I know that I am pretty close to it. I can see images but they are glimpses at best and I have to work really hard to hold them in my mind. My mind would never generate an elaborate image of a butterfly even if I tried really hard.

2. Don’t Judge Yourself

You may have already guessed what I am going to say next. Yeah, that’s right, this is where self-compassion has to join the party. To be honest, I felt a little jealous when I heard my classmate talk about her beautiful butterfly. It sounded cool. I wished I could see it myself.

But, I avoided judging myself and not just because the course in which this discussion happened was about teaching compassion cultivation. When my classmate shared her story, it helped me share my own. I am not blessed with mental visualization but I have other strengths (as I’ll discuss below).

If I focused too much on my reactions of what I couldn’t do, I risked missing the chance to explore what I could do. Beyond this, it’s not like self-judgment or criticism would help. Thus, my advice when considering your own ability to visualize is to avoid judging yourself.

Image with a quiz that allows self-reflection of mental imagery, including how detailed, how clear and vivid, how easy it is to hold, and how long the imagery lasts

3. Meditate on Other Areas of Strength

If there was a test like the one above for the ability to detect physical sensations in the body, I would get high ratings. After I got comfortable with my body and learned to attend to it, I realized that my awareness of felt sensations is strong. I can note subtle differences in sensation, hold my attention on them for a long time, and this comes without effort.

Similarly, when it comes to verbal and auditory processing, I am pretty sensitive. My mind doesn’t think in pictures but words are ever present. Music affects me deeply and the auditory quality of words is a skill I rely on frequently in writing, public speaking, and crafting guided meditations.

This goes to show that a relative lack of ability in one area is not the same as a lack of ability overall. Even if you aren’t a visual person, you may have other strengths. Taking the time to identify other strengths may help you explore how to address a relative lack of visual ability.

4. Lean on Your Strengths as You Meditate

One approach for those of us who are not visual is simply to avoid meditations with visualization. For elaborately imaginative practices, I admit that this is generally what I do. This is not, however, my approach with for all styles of practice.

Because my ability to feel physical sensations is robust and comes easily to me, I have a come up with my own meditation hack. What this boils down to is that I don’t take the word “visualize” literally. When I am told to “visualize” something, I don’t force a mental image. Instead, I connect with the felt sense of something.

How to Visualize When You Can’t Visualize

For example, if I am told to visualize being outside on a nature walk, I don’t try to force images of grasses, trees, and the sky in my mind. Instead, I connect with the sensory and kinesthetic memory of walking in nature. I imagine the internal experience of walking in nature in terms of physical sensations.

If this sounds complicated, remember that physical sensation is easy for me. It may be complicated to describe in words but it is easy for me to do in practice. Even better,I can still participate in the meditation and get the same benefits all while doing it my way.

“Visualizing” Someone’s Presence for Loving-Kindness

I do something similar when it comes to loving-kindness. With that style of practice, the common instruction is to bring someone to mind and to allow that mental imagery evoke feelings in your heart area. For me, though, I cut out the middle man because imagery doesn’t help.

Instead, I bring someone to mind by name and connect with the felt sense of their presence. In particular, I may invoke a memory of how it feels to be in that person’s presence or I may notice the felt sense that emerges upon bringing their mind to name. Since loving-kindness practice includes consideration of felt sensations in the body, this style is fairly simple to modify for those of us who aren’t visual.

An image for modifications to meditation practice for those who don't see mental imagery or have limits in their ability to do so

5. Explore Other Options When You Meditate

My last point here is a simple reminder to keep exploring and being curious. I recently started exploring meditation with my eyes open and I was shocked to discover that it made mental images during meditation more vivid. I would have thoughts having content in my visual place would make inner visualizations impossible for me.

Upon investigation, though, I found that the opposite was true. Not only could I tell the difference between actual visual content and mental visual content, but also the mental visual content seemed more robust. What does this mean?

The big lesson here is that the procedures of your practice can influence your meditation experience. If you close or open eyes, listen to meditations or music, or sit or lie down, it very well may affect your inner experience. If you struggle with some aspect of practice or just get curious, it can be fun and eye-opening (pun intended) to see what a new mode of practice offers.

Conclusion

If mental imagery is not strong for you, it does not mean you can’t meditate. It doesn’t even mean that you can’t do meditations which include visualization. All of us are wired differently with various strengths and challenges. With self-compassion and curious exploration, you can learn ways to modify meditation practice even if visualization is not your strength.

If you would like to assess how visual you are, try this Guided Reflection. It will help you explore your capacity for visual imagery to your capacity for awareness of physical sensations. You can listen on YouTube here or on Insight Timer.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Inside Out 2 Reveals These 5 Truths about Anxiety

Cover image for blog post entitled Inside Out 2 Reveals These 5 Things About Anxiety

I saw Inside Out 2 last week with my kids. If I am being honest, though, I saw the movie for my own enjoyment as much as theirs. Pixar movies always make me cry but they usually make me think too. In this case, the movie made me think about anxiety and mental health.

Of course, I am no stranger to anxiety. I have had it for most of my life, though I didn’t know how to label it properly until well into my 30’s. For this reason, I am glad Inside Out 2 is helping kids (and adults) think and talk about anxiety.

Here are the five truths about anxiety that the movie illustrates well.

1. Anxiety is different from fear.

Inside Out 2 starts when the main protagonist, Riley, turns 13. The movie demonstrates this formative time by introducing new “characters”: Anxiety, Embarrassment, Envy, and Ennui.

Any Inside Out fans may find this odd, since Fear was already a character. As the movie correctly explains, though, fear and anxiety are different. Fear often relates to external situations, while anxiety relates to our inner experience.

In the film, Anxiety becomes obsessed with Riley’s social status as a way to manage her nerves heading to middle school without her two best friends. Though Fear sees some logic behind this mission, even he’s at a loss about the lengths to which Anxiety goes in pursuit of it.

The lesson for all of us watching, of course, is that anxiety and fear aren’t the same. They may arise for different reasons and lead to different consequences.

Image comparing anxiety and fear to shed light on what it means for our mental health

2. Anxiety wants control.

The next truth about anxiety in Inside Out 2 is hard to miss. Anxiety wants control. In the movie, Anxiety shows up and promptly commandeers Riley’s control panel. When the elder emotions we’ve come to know and love object, Anxiety bottles them up (literally) and ships them to Riley’s subconscious.

The tricky thing about Anxiety, though, is that she’s not a traditional Disney villain. She’s got a sweet vulnerability about her and she truly thinks she’s doing what is best for Riley. As we see, though, the quest for the “best” leads Riley to turn on her friends and behave unethically and inauthentically.

The resounding point made from all of this is that craving control is inherent to anxiety.

3. Control only creates more anxiety.

Anxiety quickly gets what she wants in Inside Out 2. She takes control and gets exactly what she wants. This should be the end of the movie, right?

Anyone who has experienced anxiety knows that, of course, this is wrong. Anxiety (the character and the emotion IRL) is never soothed by control. Instead, the more control anxiety gets, the more it craves.

As the movie shows, Anxiety assumes the control panel and immediately concocts schemes to get more control. She initially inspires Riley to raise in social status on her new team. When Riley finds a footing with new friends, Anxiety them pushes her to become the best on her team. Soon after, the goal escalates to the best in the team’s history.

In the end, Anxiety becomes so obsessed with schemes and effort that she creates a little spiral in Riley’s mind and a panic attack that leaves her frozen in fear. What this shows us is that what anxiety is often self-perpetuating. When anxiety gets more control, it is inflamed rather than pacified.

Image conveying the double bind created by anxiety which affects the mental health of many people

4. Letting go is the (super annoying) answer to anxiety.

I know it is truly obnoxious for a meditation teacher to tell a bunch of lawyers this, but the answer to anxiety is learning to let go. Fortunately for me, the people at Pixar seem to agree.

For some of us, it might have been satisfying to watch Joy, Sadness, Anger, and Disgust tag-team to knock Anxiety out, bottle her up, and jettison her to the subconscious. That’s not what happens though, probably because it wouldn’t really work.

Instead, to calm the spiral that Anxiety created, all the emotions circle around Riley’s sense of self and hold it. Riley breathes and calms herself as this happens. When she comes back to herself, she admits her anxiety to herself and her friends and begs forgiveness.

This part of the movie is far more cathartic and satisfying to watch than it is to experience in real life. Letting go is the hardest lesson that anyone with anxiety can learn. Still, the truth remains, that letting go and learning to be with anxiety (which may include help from others) is an answer to it.

Image with a quote that says Letting go is an answer to anxiety but it is one of the hardest things to learn

5. Anxiety is a part of life.

Since it is a kids movie, it’s not too much of a spoiler to say that Inside Out 2 ends on a happy note. Riley learns a life lesson. She takes a step forward into adolescence. And she seems to find some sense of peace as she navigates the tricky social system that is middle school.

The principal blocking force of the movie, though, is still there. Anxiety doesn’t go away at the end of the movie. There’s no guarantee that Joy will resume her place as the guiding force in Riley’s life. There’s no doubt that even more complicated emotions are poised to greet Riley as she gets older.

One can only assume that Anxiety will claim control again and, at times, wreak havoc. This is the last and, perhaps, hardest truth from Inside Out 2. For many of us, and definitely for myself, anxiety is not something that goes away. It’s a part of life for many of us.

If we are lucky, like Riley, we might be able to start recognizing how it shows up in our lives and where it leads us. We can then ease back, take a breath, ask forgiveness, get help, course correct, and then move forward.

Conclusion

Inside Out 2 may be a kids movie with a classic coming of age story about growing up. If you pay attention, though, the movie reveals truths about mental health for all of us regardless of our age. Though it is a cute cartoon family film about a young teenager, it offers lessons about anxiety, control, acceptance, and letting go that can benefit us all.

Want to try some meditation practices to help you hold and be with anxiety? Check them out here or on Insight Timer.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Lessons from My Lawyer Dad that Could Have Come from a Meditation Teacher

Cover image for blog post entitled "Lessons from My Lawyer Dad that Could Have Come from a Meditation Teacher"

This post was originally published a couple of years ago. I read it again and it still rings true. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads of all kinds and father figures out there!

My lawyer dad doesn’t know a thing about mindfulness, but he’s still one of the best meditation teachers I have ever had. He’s steady, hard-working, kind, and decent. He’s not closed off to new ideas, but he favors tradition. In this way, he has rarely sought out new practices and approaches to help manage his life.

Dad worked as a lawyer for or with local governments his whole career and he loves things like procedure, budgets, and finance. As an introvert, he’s rarely the life of the party, but people listen when he talks because they know he thinks first. He was picked on in school because he grew up on a farm in a small town called Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, so he usually prefers not to stand out.

My Lawyer Dad Was Not into Meditation but He Taught Me Good Lessons

For these reasons, my dad would never seek out information about mindfulness and he has never tried meditation. Dad only knows that mindfulness has helped me quite a lot in my life and it makes me happy to teach and write about it.  

You know what? That’s just fine. In the Pali canon, it is said that there are 84,000 doors to enlightenment. I take that to mean that we have options and various interconnected winding paths that can lead us to growth and fulfillment as long as we stay open to learning from what comes to us along those paths.

My dad doesn’t know a thing about meditation. Still, as one of my first mentors in life, he prepared me to benefit from it. Many of the lessons he taught me are similar to those I learned in my meditation practice or from meditation teachers. In honor of Father’s Day and to celebrate my lawyer dad, I am sharing them with you here. 

Image with quote from the blog post about mindfulness and the importance of openness in family and professional life

1.      Simple is good.

My dad’s favorite ice cream is vanilla. His favorite snack is saltine crackers. His beverage of choice: ice water. Sometimes he mixes things up but he usually keeps things simple. Sometimes this simplicity can be magical.

He makes the best fried chicken I have ever had anywhere and he doesn’t bother with the Colonel’s 11 secret herbs and spices. His recipe is just salt, pepper, and flour. That’s it.

In my years of meditation, I’ve adopted the same approach. I’ve tried lots of different styles and practices. Most of the time I just like to sit and relax into the silence. I’m so glad I learned early on from my dad that simple is good. 

2.      It’s okay to be quiet.

If you are a meditator, it helps if you have at least a decent relationship with silence. When I teach about mindfulness, people often ask me if I am naturally calm. I tell them, emphatically, that I absolutely am not. But I have one secret advantage: I love silence. Silence isn’t lonely to me. It’s peaceful. It makes me feel at home.

I’ve never had trouble with silence because my dad always liked it too. He often drove with the radio turned off. He would read for hours on end. In a world that constantly wants to make noise, my dad taught me that it was okay just to stop and be still. That’s perhaps the first lesson that any new meditator needs to learn, so thanks dad. 

A quote about how meditation is a practice for life so there is no need to rush results

3.      Don’t be a martyr.

I’ve written before about struggling after the birth of my first daughter because she was tongue-tied and I couldn’t breastfeed her. During that time, I remember my dad saying this to me:

Claire, you will have her whole life to make sacrifices for her. I don’t have any doubts that you will be willing to do that most of the time. You don’t have to try to make all the sacrifices all at once right now.

Achiever types like us lawyers love to set standards and meet them. That tendency can easily turn to martyrdom if we aren’t careful. It can also show up in meditation practice. So, remember this lesson from my dad: you have a whole life to practice. You don’t have to do it all at once. Trust that you will make the right choices as you go along and give yourself some grace. 

4.      Fear is a part of life.

My dad was a successful and respected civil servant with decades of experience. After he retired, he went into private practice, just a few years before I graduated from law school. I remember sharing with my dad that I was scared about business development and my dad gave me the best response possible: he admitted that he was scared of this too.

To see someone who had accomplished so much admit that he was afraid helped more than any pep talk that simply told me “you can do it.” It helped me understand that fear is just a part of life and it has nothing to do with your competence or chances of success.

As you start meditating, you may think that you “get over” or “advance beyond” difficult emotions. Not so in my experience. As human beings, we never get over things like this no matter how hard we work or how awesome we are. But, as my dad helped me see, fear is a part of life, but it helps when you can share it. 

A quote from the blog post about how mindfulness can help us persist through disappointments and hardships

5.      Don’t quit just because your ego gets bruised.

I loved basketball growing up and as a very tall kid I was pretty good at it. In high school, though, the competition caught up with me and my coordination and skill didn’t grow at the same pace as my height. I had an injury my sophomore year that benched me all season. My tryouts during junior year didn’t go well and, though I missed getting cut, I ended up on the JV team.

I was so ashamed that I was in a pit of despair for a week and contemplated quitting. My dad told me that I didn’t have to play but that I shouldn’t quit just because I was mad or felt embarrassed. He reminded me that basketball was a sport and was, you know, supposed to be fun.

I ended up deciding to play and had so much fun with the younger players. As team captain, I was able to be a leader in a way I never had before. That season was one of the best sports experiences I ever had because of this opportunity to lead.

In our meditation practice, we may get upset when we struggle because it hurts our ego when we find we can’t do it perfectly or advance as quickly as we’d like. Of course, if you can keep going, you may learn an entirely different lesson than the one you started out to discover. 

6.      Any moment can be a teachable moment.

I was a kid who asked a lot of questions. Deep questions, usually starting with the word “why.” It didn’t matter how out of the blue it was. It didn’t matter if my dad was cooking dinner or working in the yard. He didn’t skip a beat. He’d answer the questions and a lot of time throw some back at me to force me to think through the issue myself.

Lots of meditation teachers will tell you that any moment can teach you about yourself if you keep your mind and heart open. In the same way, my dad’s constant comfort with questions and unwavering willingness to teach showed me that any moment in my life could be a learning moment. 

A picture wishing everyone a happy father's day

Though for many, meditation can feel strange at first and many may worry that the practice may change them. In my own experience, I have found that meditation didn’t change me but allowed me instead to connect more deeply with who I really was. This is why it’s no surprise that my dad’s wisdom and the wisdom from so many wonderful teachers lines up. I

f there are 84,000 doors to enlightenment, I am glad that I found one running to me that started on a farm in Rabbit Hash, Kentucky. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads, step-dads, foster parents, and father surrogates out there. Thank you for teaching us kids in your own way about mindfulness, meditation, and life. 

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Playfulness Is the Best Attitude for Meditation

Cover image for blog post entitled Playfulness Is the Best Attitude for Meditation

There is a word that I have heard all the best meditation teachers say about meditation. As the title of this post would suggest, that word is “play.” On retreat and in courses, I have heard the teacher frequently offer some wisdom then encourage further study by suggesting we “play with it.”

When I first heard comments like this as someone new to mindfulness, my lawyer brain didn’t quite get it. I was looking for a direct path. I wanted clearer guideposts. Beyond this, I was trying to manage real life challenges, like stress, overthinking, and anxiety. How could playing possibly help me with problems like this?

Playing in meditation can do a lot of good.

Years of practice and training have changed my mind. In fact, cultivating a sense of play can in fact help you a lot. As I have written before, many of us lawyers and other type A people, innately may think that discipline and hard work is the way to go when we start meditation. I thought that too, but now I think that self-discipline is overrated when it comes to meditation.

I’m not the only who thinks this either. Thich Nhat Hanh, possibly one of the most beloved ambassadors of mindfulness in the modern era, famously reminds us to “smile” in life and meditation. Renowned teacher and psychologist, Tara Brach, does the same thing. Many of her meditations intended to release students from deep-seated emotional pain start with visualizing the image of a smile.

Even Shunryu Suzuki, author of Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind, tells us to bring an “effortless” quality into our practice. Though that book includes many reminders to be disciplined in posture and breath, it otherwise encourages us to relax and let meditation itself be “nothing special.”

Image with quote that says "Meditation is hard, so let your attitude be easy"

Why is a playful attitude important?

So why is play so important in meditation? One reason is that meditation practice is hard, or at least it can be. The practice is simple, but it often involves retraining our minds. As most of us know, changing habits is challenging and can take time.

If we go charging into meditation with big ideas of instant calm and a clear mind, most of us are bound to be disappointed. Trying the practice, instead, with an attitude of kind curiosity can inspire the desire to practice more. With this attitude, you can try things out, see what works, and what doesn’t.

On the other hand, though, a playful spirit also may help you avoid putting too much pressure on yourself. Pressure kills the curiosity and openness that allows for clear awareness and it certainly is not helpful for cultivating compassion.

An image defining what is meant by a playful attitude in meditation

But what does a playful attitude mean?

Now you may be wondering, what does “playfulness” even mean when it comes to meditation? For example, how would one know if their sense of play went too far and instead became silliness?

First, it’s important to note that I am talking about this idea in the context of meditation practice. Inherently, maintaining a meditation practice involves some level of discipline. The idea of play that I am describing doesn’t mean pure frivolity. It’s intended to counterbalance the habits of many of us lawyers to rely on discipline, rules, and force to achieve our goals.

When I talk about play in this article, what I mean is letting go of expectations. Play also includes forgiving yourself quickly for any mistakes or difficulty focusing. Having a sense of humor and adventure. And being open to joy when it arises.

How can you foster a sense of play in your meditation practice?

Learning to identify and cultivate a sense of play will likely take some time and experience. If you want to start exploring, here are a few strategies you can use to keep your practice fresh and light:

To explore the idea directly in your mindfulness practice, check out these guided meditations crafted to inspire play:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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New Confidence CLE for Lawyers Coming to Lawline

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It’s kind of a trip that I now teach other lawyers and professionals about confidence. As I have shared several times here, I have struggled with anxiety, overthinking, and self-doubt for most of my life. I was shocked to find that meditation helped me gradually change these habits.

Over time, I changed how I thought about myself, related to the world, and accepted that risk was a part of a good life. Now, after building a law practice, launching a blog, writing some boks, and crafting a new and unexpected identify for myself as a meditation teacher, I feel pretty confident.

How mindfulness can help lawyers build confidence

How did this happen? What steps helped? What does mindfulness and compassion have to do with confidence? I will share all that and more in a CLE that I created by accident but quickly became my favorite to deliver. That CLE is Real Confidence: Essential Mindfulness Skills for Law Practice and Life. I’ll be presenting it live for Lawline, one of the largest online CLE providers, on July 10th at 10 AM EST.

How did I create this by accident? A few years ago, I was asked if I ever speak about “imposter syndrome.” I admitted that I had nothing prepared and delivered a session on compassion instead. In the minutes leading up to that event, I spoke with the organizers and imagined out loud how I “might” go about talking about confidence if I got the chance.

Image describing details of confidence and mindfulness CLE for lawyers coming to Lawline

Why I love this CLE about confidence for lawyers

Shortly thereafter, I was asked to speak to young lawyers and pitched that very same idea. The organizers loved it and so did the young lawyers in the audience. After doing the session, though, it occurred to me that all lawyers could benefit from this session. I soon got the opportunity and delivered it for a group of defense lawyers in Arkansas. To see how that went, check out the testimonial from Jamie Jones on my speaker page.

As I learned, this session is so fun to deliver because it’s practical. Despite our sometimes austere exterior, lots of lawyers struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome. The big secret I learned from years of mindfulness practice and training is that you don’t have to deal with all aspects of these conditions at once.

Instead, mindfulness practice helps you focus your attention in a specific way. This allows you to break fear and doubt into pieces and examine each with kind curiosity. Over time, you can learn strategies to manage anxious thoughts, deal with the physical symptoms of fear, and manage the emotions that come up as you do hard things.

How to participate in or watch the CLE

That’s what I will teach in the CLE and, to boot, you should get CLE credit in most states. Join me on July 10th if you want to participate in discussion, ask questions, or share strategies that worked for you. If you can’t make it live, though, you can always catch it on-demand later and contact me with your questions.

To get details or register for the event, check out the page on Lawline here. If you want to experience how mindfulness can support confidence immediately, check out some of these meditations here:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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