Tag Archives: meditation

How Law Firms Can Support Attorney Well-Being

Picture of lawyers around a conference room table with title of blog post "How Law Firms Can Support Attorney Well-Being"

Though I often teach strategies that individual lawyers can take to manage stress, I always balance this with the reminder that law firms have a big impact on attorney well-being. When I joined my law firm, Bricker Graydon, a few years ago I saw this first hand. While I had generally positive experiences at prior firms, the firm’s commitment to well-being was deeper and more explicit.

Many staff members at the firm help make this happen, but one I want to mention today is Mina Jones Jefferson. She’s the Chief Culture and Engagement Officer at my firm. I’ve worked and presented with Mina on topics relating to stress management and attorney well-being. She’s so knowledgeable on these subjects that I asked her to join me on the FDCC FedSpeaks podcast to discuss steps law firms can take to support attorney well-being.

Keep reading to learn more about the insights from the interview, where to listen, and how to learn more about this subject.

Attorney Well-Being Should Be a Law Firm Priority

One of the things that Mina shared first in the interview is why law firms should make the well-being of lawyers and all staff a priority. In the interview, Mina explained that supporting attorney and staff well-being was not just the right or feel-good thing to do.

Instead, she explained how mental health directly contributes to law firm business goals. Mina shared studies showing that how employees feel about their work contribute to the quality of their work. It can also correlate to absenteeism, which translates to lost work time and billable hours. Or, in the alternative, presenteeism where employees don’t miss work but their performance suffers.

In general, Mina explained, happy lawyers and staff members are more productive and do better work for clients.

How Law Firms Can Monitor Attorney Well-Being

The idea of mental health can sometimes seem hard to define, but Mina didn’t skip a beat when I asked her about this. First, Mina explained that there are many signs that firms can monitor to gauge the well-being of their employees. As noted above, these include sick days uses, absences, and productive work hours.

To get more information, though, Mina suggested that firms should consider asking their employees regularly how they feel about work. She shared about the value of employee engagement surveys to gather information from attorneys and staff members directly. This can help law firms identify practical steps that may need to be taken to make the work life of their employees better or more satisfying.

Image of podcast guest, Mina Jones Jefferson, with quote from the interview shared in the blog post which says "Attorneys with the lowest risk of attrition are in law firms where they feel valued for their skill, talent, professionalism, or inherent worth as a human being. This shows that the value system of an employer can affect employee mental health."

Simple Steps Law Firms Can Take

Armed with this qualify information, Mina explained that law firms can make good decisions to support employees better. This can include reviewing internal policies, benefits plans, wellness offerings, and employee assistance programs.

It can also include leadership strategies that keep mental health a top priority in the law firm’s culture. These can include things like “leaving out loud”, where firm leaders don’t hide the fact that they prioritize things outside of work. It can also include simple strategies, such as honoring business hours for email and text communications.

As Mina also shared, however, it should also include a review of broader firms policies and procedures and leadership. In some ways, Mina explained that attorney and staff well-being is a function of a well-run organization.

Where and How to Learn More

This blog post was just a summary of the insights that Mina offered in the interview, but I strongly encourage you to listen to the full episode to hear it straight from her. If you want to listen to the full interview, you can find it on Apple Podcasts here. You can learn more about Mina Jones Jefferson and her work at Bricker Graydon on LinkedIn.

For more great interviews relating to lawyer well-being, check out the following episodes of FDCC Speaks:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Mindfulness vs. Ego: Finding Balance in a Digital World

Image of pawns with social media graphics with title "Mindfulness v. Ego: Finding Balance in a Digital World"

I spoke to a group of new law students this week and someone asked the best question about mindfulness and ego. I loved it because it showed a lot of courage and insight. The student asked me if mindfulness practice and blogging or social media are at odds because they contribute to ego.

The short answer I gave him is that this certainly can be a problem but it doesn’t have to be. I explained that anyone who writes or uses social media must learn some skills with managing their ego. And I explained how mindfulness practice can help with that.

After leaving the session, though, the question was still in my mind. It pointed to some fundamental questions about mindfulness and ego that I thought others might be asking. So in this post, I will explore mindfulness and ego a bit more deeply.

What Is the Ego?

Many of us use the word “ego” in conversation but we may not take the time to define the term. A common dictionary definition is “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.” Most of us wouldn’t argue that a healthy sense of self-esteem is a good thing.

But when I hear the phrase “ego” uttered, it usually has a pejorative connotation. This is because, as most lawyers have observed, it is very easy to get an inflated sense of self-importance. In fact, our hyper-individualistic culture can contribute to this.

This is why it may be helpful to look at the psychological and clinical meaning of the ego. The Cleveland Clinic explains that it is the “part of your personality that helps you make practical, rational decisions.” It also supports your ability to:

  • adapt to your environment;
  • regulate your emotions; and
  • feel like yourself.

Viewed in this more neutral light, you can see that ego is a part of the human psyche that may serve an important function.

Image of dictionary definition of ego as stated in the post which is "a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance"

You Need a Healthy Sense of Self-Esteem

Given this, it would be a misunderstanding in my opinion to say that the goal of mindfulness practice is to overcome or eliminate the ego. In truth, as I have written before, I would be cautious about setting any specific goal for mindfulness practice at all.

Intention can be a wonderful guiding force to help motivate practice. Goals, however, often add a level of expectation that can undermine the cultivation of mindfulness.

In addition, high achievers like lawyers are encouraged to be cautious about pushing themselves too hard when it comes to self-improvement. If you are anything like me, you may need to learn to be kinder to yourself in meditation rather than more disciplined.

Along the same lines, some people may benefit from a more robust sense of self rather than a diminished one. This can include people with particular sensitivities, including histories of trauma or neurodivergence.

But It Helps to Get Clear about Your Life

With that said, mindfulness practices can help you explore the role of ego in your own life. As I have explained before, mindfulness practices are likely to help you explore the very concept of the self. Practicing mindfulness can help you see that “the self” to which you have grown accustomed is not a stable or static thing at all.

Taking time in your day to be present with your thoughts and feelings can give you an opportunity to become aware of patterns in your life. This can give you greater ability to notice, check, or even change some patterns that may not be ideal for you. It may also help you see the ways in which you are not separate from, but instead integrally connected with, others.

In many cases, you are bound to find (much like I have) that the ego is a present driving force in life. You may notice when a need to feel important or especially loved or better than others pushes you in ways that are not wholesome for you or other people. And even better, you may see ways that you can take care of your feelings and find greater connection with others in your life.

In all of these ways, mindfulness can help you understand yourself better, including the role of ego in your life. It can help you become clearer about your place in the world, so that you can navigate relationships more ethically. This can be a truly wonderful and life-changing part of the practice, but it is important to balance this inquiry with self-compassion.

Image of blog post author Claire E. Parsons with quote "Mindfulness practice doesn't mean we have to drop out of the world. It doesn't mean we can't pursue goals or things we love. It doesn't mean we have to change who we are."

Mindfulness, Ego, and Social Media

Given this clearer understanding, I want to return to the law student’s question to illustrate the concepts more clearly. The student asked whether things like blogging and social media are contrary to mindfulness practice because they can contribute to ego.

The operative word in this question is “can”. Most of us know that social media can certainly contribute to one’s sense of self-importance. We know that, depending on how it is used, social media is also associated with adverse mental health consequences and sometimes abhorrent conduct. Even if you aren’t a blogger, you may see how that can have the same effect. But I will say from experience that those things aren’t universally true.

For some people, blogging and social media might lead to unhealthy states of mind, like social comparison or perfectionism. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that those struggles sometimes happened for me. But I have learned to recognize when a striving attitude is taking hold and to give myself a break. I have adopted an attitude of fun and play when it comes to writing and the use of social media. I’ve also let go of expectations. If I have a goal, it is to share ideas and connect with others.

And in truth, I have had to learn how to navigate the negative aspects of social media too. I have had to learn how to not fight with strangers on the internet. I have hard to learn to state my opinions with humility and respect for the viewpoints of others.

In addition, I will be honest that blogging and social media have inspired a lot of humility in me. I have written so many things that never get read. I have had times where people criticize my writing. I have faced imposter syndrome so many times when I see talented people who do things better than me. In all these ways, blogging and social media have provided at least as many checks on my ego as they have provided temptations for it.

What Does This Tell Us about Mindfulness, Ego, and Pursuing Goals?

The big conclusion from all of this that most lawyers will care about is that I don’t think mindfulness practice means we have to get rid of our egos. Mindfulness practice doesn’t mean we have to drop out of the world. It doesn’t mean we can’t pursue goals or things we love. It doesn’t mean we have to change who we are.

Instead, mindfulness practice is really more about understanding ourselves more clearly so that we can engage in the world with greater kindness and skill. In this way, mindfulness practice is not inherently antithetical to the use of social media or to creating a robust body of work in the world.

The caveat here is that, of course, mindfulness practice should inspire you to watch the way you go about pursuing goals and crafting your body of work. It should cause you, at every turn, to consider the impact of these things on you as well as on the community around you.

If you practice mindfulness long enough, you inevitably will question yourself at times just like the law student questioned me. This part of the practice can sometimes be a gut check – or maybe an ego check – but it is one that has changed my life. And it is one that helps me stay honest on this blog and when I use social media. If you learn to make space for questions like these in your own mindfulness practice, they can change your life too.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Tips for Lawyers: Manage Stress Getting Back to School

Image of chalk board and school supplies with title of blog post "Tips for Lawyers: Manage Stress Getting Back to School"

As a school lawyer, I normally love back to school season. This year, though, I am struggling. The summer was busier than I expected and the back to school rush at work happened earlier too. This means that I am feeling overwhelmed, tired, and stressed.

What is a lawyer and meditation teacher to do with this situation? Well, I don’t promise to be an expert here. This struggle is real for many of us for a reason. But I can say that a few intentional strategies have helped me establish order and get ready for back to school.

Manage the Biggest Stress Points First

When things get very busy, I narrow the scope of my focus. My guiding principle is to do now what has to be done today. Clearly, this is not a sustainable approach on a long-term basis. Living day to day has some advantages, but so does planning ahead.

Even so, focusing on what has to be done right now is an essential strategy for regaining order in times of chaos. It can help you build some momentum for managing the challenges of life. It can also help you avoid other problems that may emerge later if you don’t tackle priorities first.

Thus, when your schedule is too busy or life is in flux, a first essential step is identifying prioriy tasks and addressing those first.

Simplify and, If Possible, Delegate

After you have triaged the priority issues, another step for reestablishing order is to simplify whatever you can. Remove unnecessary steps or flourishes from projects. Look for easier ways to accomplish tasks. Delegate or get help in any way that you can.

Many lawyers tend to be high achievers. This means that we often do more than what the circumstances truly require. When time allows, this is not a terrible life strategy to adopt. But in times of stress or change, it can add work and sap energy that you do not have. Simplifying tasks and focusing on what is truly essential can help you avoid this trap.

As a quick example of this, I used this strategy to handle some of the back to school chores for my kids. They had a doctor’s appointment and needed new shoes. Instead of going to my favorite shoe store, I went to one very close to the doctor’s office. This allowed me to consolidate travel time, so the kids could get new shoes and I could get the job done.

When time is limited, don’t make extra work for yourself. Simplify tasks as much as possible.

Image of post it note with question "How could I make this simpler?" as discussed in the blog post about back to school

Prioritize Healthy Habits

When times are busy or stressful, healthy and supportive habits are often the first things to suffer. Even though most of us know what is good for us, disarray in one’s schedule can make it harder to eat, sleep, and exercise like we should. These habits, though, can have an immediate beneficial impact on how we feel mentally and physically.

For this reason, when my schedule is in flux, I often prioritize the basics. I try to refresh my sleep hygiene protocols and get a regular schedule back in place. I make sure I have some healthy ingredients on hand so that I can eat nutrient-dense meals to power my days. Even though it can be a struggle, I get back to my normal meditation and exercise routine too.

Let me be clear. All of these things take time and energy to manage. Despite this, I prioritize them in times of change or stress because I know they are priorities. These habits help me feel my best and manage stress, so that I can face whatever I need to face in my daily life. In addition, because these practices are part of my normal routine, returning to them helps me create a sense of normalcy and order.

Conclusion

Back to school time can be a fun and exciting time. For many lawyers, though, it is also a stressful time. It’s a time of change and extra work to transition to a new phase in life. With some intentionality, though, you can manage the time crunch, stress, and extra work. I hope these tips help you regain some control and establish a new order that will help you and your family thrive this school year.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Four Easy Ways to Add Movement to Meditation

Image of man sitting with hands raised with title of blog post "Four Easy Ways to Add Movement to Meditation"

I have been traveling a lot this summer, so movement is on my mind. One of the common issues many people new to meditation ask me about is moving. Some people worry that they can’t meditate because they can’t sit still. One easy answer to this question is the reminder that you don’t have to sit still to meditate.

Though movement is discouraged during sitting meditation, it’s not because movement is bad. Instead, movement is discouraged to encourage its opposite: stillness. In this way, it is sometimes wise to move a bit to scratch an itch or adjust your posture.

In addition, mindfulness can be cultivated with intentional movement practices too. Anyone who does yoga, tai chi, or qigong regularly knows that movement can support a calming of the mind. The same is true for movement during sitting meditation itself. Here are five simple ways to incorporate movement into your meditation practice.

1. Use an Object to Track Breath

Breath focus is one of the most common and practical styles of meditation. Though this style is seemingly simple, there are many ways to follow the breath. Many people count the breaths or cycles of breath internally by, for instance, counting on each inhale.

A. Breathing with Beads

Some of us, myself included, tend to get lost in all the counting and may have an easier time tracking a physical object. I do this with a string of beads. There are traditional and formal ways to use beads for meditation but I am more flexible. I let each bead represent a full cycle and advance to the next bead on the space between breaths.

B. Pop It Practice

After I started using beads in this way, I realized that I could do the same thing with one of my kid’s Pop It toys. I inhale, exhale, and pop one of the buttons. When one side is fully popped, I flip to the next side and start again. Now I keep a Pop It on my keychain so that I can meditate for a minute or two whenever and wherever I need it.

2. Sync Hand Movement with Breath

If you don’t have beads or another object, you can still bring some small movements into practice with your hands. As I have shared before, syncing breath and movement is a great way to calm the mind and cultivate mindful presence.

A. Finger Practice

One practice I really like is finger meditation. With this practice, you run your finger along the edge of your opposite hand while breathing. Starting with your thumb, run your finger up to the tip while inhaling, and then run your finger down the inside of your thumb while exhaling. Continue with this pattern until you get to your pinky as shown in the image. Then you can switch to the other hand.

Image demonstrating flow of finger meditation as explained in the blog post

B. Breathing with Hand Movement

Another similar option is to raise and lower your hands or extend and clench your fists while you breathe. I prefer to inhale and raise or extend my hands and exhale and lower or clench my palms. You can try this practice out for a few rounds of breath and see what feels most supportive to you.

While these aren’t practices I use every day, they come in handy during times when my mind is very active or strong emotions are present.

3. Walking Meditation

As I have written before, walking meditation is always an option. It’s a good option to explore, too, if you ever plan on trying a retreat. Walking meditation is often used during retreats as a break from sitting meditation. Thus, if you want some movement while cultivating mindfulness, walking meditation can be supportive.

Another great advantage of walking meditation is that it helps you bring mindfulness into your life. Because the practice is done during movement, it helps you strengthen the trait of mindfulness during your normal daily activities.

4. Standing Figure 8 Movement Practice

Even if you have an established sitting meditation practice, you may eventually need to try standing meditation. If you practice sitting meditation long enough, you will eventually encounter sleepiness or mental dullness. Standing meditation is a practical way to wake up and energize yourself while continuing mindfulness practice.

Figure 8 meditation is a wonderful way to add some movement to your standing practice. With this practice, as indicated in the image, you move in a figure 8 motion while standing by subtly shifting your weight along the borders of your feet in a swaying motion.

Image showing figure 8 standing meditation as explained in blog post

Anyone who has rocked a baby or a small pet understands why this practice is great. Rocking and swaying are soothing to our nervous systems. This gentle motion can help us to soothe ourselves and help us relax quickly. The good news is that this practice can be done however you like. Add a bit more movement of the hips and hands if you wish to dance. Keep it small if you are waiting in line at the grocery store and don’t want to be noticed.

Conclusion: Add Some Movement to Your Meditation

Sitting in stillness during meditation is a wonderful way to cultivate patience, calm, and equanimity. But it isn’t the only way. Mindfulness can be cultivate with movement and meditation can be practiced in any posture. This posts offers just a few ideas for incorporating movement into your meditation practice. These practices can be incorporated into your regular meditation sessions or done quickly on the go.

To learn more about the movement practices discussed in this post, check out the Coping Strategies Ebook. This free download has more explanation and demonstration of several practices for finding steadiness in stressful times.

If you want to try a traditional meditation practice that incorporates a visualization of movement, check out my rocking chair meditation. This is a traditional breath focus practice but it uses the image of a rocking chair to help you rest and relax with the movements of the breath.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Understanding Perfectionism: Lessons from Season 4 of The Bear

Picture of chef placing parsley on a dish with the title of the blog post "Understanding Perfectionism: Lessons from Season 4 of The Bear"

Spoiler Alert: Read with caution if you haven’t finished watching Season 4 of The Bear yet. There are a few references to the end of season that some might consider spoilers.

“Mistakes.”

When I heard this word uttered in the latest season of The Bear, it cut like a knife. This single word accentuated the theme for the season: perfectionism. Carmy, the head chef and lead of the show, said it when his colleague and sometimes screaming match partner, Richie, asked him what he was thinking about after a grueling night at the restaurant.

With only a word, Carmy let all the perfectionists watching know exactly what he was experiencing. He was ruminating over his past failures. They were swirling in his mind. It’s fair to imagine they had been with him that entire day, screaming in his ear while he was trying to live his life. Fans of The Bear also immediately knew that they had been with Carmy a lot longer than that.

Perfectionism Can Be a Mistake

The surprising thing that you come to see later is that one of the mistakes that Carmy had to have been thinking about was perfectionism. In the episodes that follow this tepid bath of negative thoughts and self-recrimination, Carmy makes some positive steps forward. He scales back on his overly ambitious strategies. He eases up on his colleagues, Syndey and Marcus, enough to see that they have become masterful chefs. And he even apologizes to his girlfriend months after a panic attack caused him to flee the relationship and ghost her.

As I watched the season, I couldn’t help but see it as a mirror for my own life. I joked with my husband that watching this season in college would have saved me a whole lot of heartache over the years. Just like Carmy, perfectionism was never something I chose but it continues to be something exceptionally hard for me to stop. As the show illustrates, some of us are incentivized for our efforts to be perfect. This makes it very hard to see that perfectionism has its downsides too.

The Downsides of Perfectionism

Season 4 of The Bear shows us these downsides. It shows us how Carmy can’t enjoy success or relax with peace. It shows us how perfectionism can erode the relationships around us and wear down the people we love. It shows us that good results are a double-edged sword for perfectionists.

We may feel good for a moment, but as soon as that moment fades, we are thinking, often unconsciously, of how we can raise the bar higher. When that bar gets too high, and it always does, we crash and feel like failures. This can cause us to turn what we love into a grind, so that even the things we are good at suddenly feel hard.

The Bear Is a Realistic Depiction of Perfectionism

If you are thinking that I am telling you that Season 4 of The Bear is painful to watch, you are right. It was painful for me to watch, but only because it was so painfully true. I knew how easy it is to absorb perfectionism even if no person in your life consciously pushed it on you.

Even if we come from a loving family, the desire to be good and create something good can get twisted by what we miss or maybe by what we see too much in childhood. By the time we get out of school, our tendency to be organized, conscientious, and high performing helps us excel in demanding and intense professions.

And before we know it, we start to emulate the very behaviors we told ourselves we never would. We do this all with the noblest of intentions. We want to make something better, more decent, and gentler than we have ever had. It’s just that we never learned the skills to build this peaceful life we want.

The Good News for the Perfectionists Out There

It absolutely hurt to watch Season 4 of The Bear and to relive all the ways I have hurt myself and others in the process. The good news, for me and for all the perfectionists out there, is that the season has some light at the end of the tunnel. By the end of the season, Carmy has stopped thinking so obsessively about all his mistakes. He starts instead to face them and tries to learn how to avoid repeating them. He stops isolating himself. He gets out of his head. He leans on his friends and admits how he feels.

By the end of the season, Carmy is not fully self-actualized. It is a TV show after all and TV shows about peaceful people who have things figured out would probably not get very good ratings, let alone a slew of Emmy awards. Instead, the season ends with you questioning whether Carmy is once again running from goodness by threatening to leave the restaurant he founded and all the people there he loves. It may turn out that Carmy makes yet another huge mistake.

Mistakes Happen to Us All, Perfectionists Included

And you know what? He probably will. And so will I. I don’t know you, but I bet you will too if you are a perfectionist. Because perfectionism doesn’t leave us easily and for some of us it may never leave entirely. I’ll have to wait for Season 5 to know how it turns out for Carmy, just like I must wait for retrospection to arrive to know if my life choices were really the product of perfectionism. I’m going to keep rooting for Carmy, though, and hope he can learn that mediocrity is sometimes amazing, flaws are opportunities for connection, and you can learn to be okay with peace.

Until then, if you find yourself sitting at a table somewhere with only mistakes rolling around in your head, I hope a friend comes up and asks you what you are thinking about. I hope even more that you do what Carmy did and tell the truth even if all you can muster is a single word.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Mindfulness and Business Development for Lawyers

Image from Episode 511 of Be That Lawyer Podcast where I discuss mindfulness and business development for lawyers

Most of the time, when people talk about mindfulness and law practice they talk about the stress of dealing with our cases. This is true for me, but one additional stressor for many lawyers is business development.

Over the years, I have come to enjoy business development. Now, I think it’s fun.

Some Lawyers Struggle with Business Development

Years ago, though, I really struggled networking and business development. I was convinced I couldn’t do it because I was an introvert and not a natural salesperson. Mindfulness practice has helped me make peace with business development, largely because it helped me make peace with myself.

I got to talk about this journey on a new episode of the BE THAT LAWYER podcast with Steve Fretzin. Steve if a business development coach and consultant. He helps lawyers make the whole process less painful and more effective.

About the Podcast and Episode

On his podcast and in his latest book, he shares the stories of lawyers who have found success with business development. If business development makes you nervous, if you worry about losing your soul or feeling inauthentic trying to sell, Steve is a good person to listen to and this episode is for you.

Ultimately, I think business development is about building relationships and offering value to the your community. I think this idea comes through well in the episode. It also shares some insights about how mindfulness practices can support it.

How Can Mindfulness Help with Business Development?

As Steve and I discuss in interview, mindfulness practices can support business development in a number of ways.

Where to Find the Podcast Episode

If you want to learn more about mindfulness and business development for lawyers, check out the interview. Here are several options for how you can do.

You can listen to the Be That Lawyer podcast here: Website | Apple Podcasts | Spotify.

You can also watch the episode on YouTube here:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Mindfulness Events for Lawyers This Summer

Image for blog post entitled "Mindfulness Events for Lawyers This Summer"

Summer tends to be a slower time for me as a lawyer. As a mindfulness teacher, though, my summer is pretty exciting. I am thrilled to have to wonderful events regarding mindfulness for lawyers coming this July.

Keep reading to learn the details for both and find ways to participate.

Anger Management CLE for Lawyers in Pennsylvania

Image with details of CLE entitled "Understanding Anger: Mindfulness Strategies for Lawyers" which is discussed in the post

On July 16th at 10 AM, I will be offering a virtual CLE for the Pennsylvania Bar Institute on anger management for lawyers. Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can help lawyers manage and care for our emotions. Anger is no exception.

As I have written before, mindfulness practices can help lawyers and others to understand and navigate anger better. This is an essential skill for lawyers who frequently encounter anger, in themselves and others, in our cases.

This webinar is available virtually through the Pennsylvania Bar Institute but CLE credit may be available in other states as well. You can watch on-demand here.

Mindfulness in Law Society Retreat and Conference

Image sharing details of the Mindfulness in Law Society Virtual Retreat

The following week, I am flying out to San Francisco to hang out with some of my friends at the Mindfulness in Law Society. I will be speaking at and attending the 2025 Mindfulness in Law Society Conference and Retreat in San Francisco.

This is a wonderful opportunity to participate in and build community with other lawyers who practice mindfulness. The first day will include a conference and CLE presentations at the University of San Francisco. I will be participating in a panel discussion during the conference regarding mindfulness in law practice.

The second day will include a retreat at Spirit Rock Meditation Center. Spirit Rock is a beautiful facility founded by some of the most well-known meditation teachers in the United States. This day will be an opportunity to practice mindfulness with other lawyers in community.

To participate, register for both the conference and retreat separately at the links provided above.

This Will Be a Great Summer for Mindfulness in Law

I hope to see you or maybe even meet you at these events. If you cannot attend, the MILS Virtual Sits happen twice a week and are another great option for lawyers and others in the legal profession. Keep checking my events page for more opportunities to practice and learn about mindfulness.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Why Self-Compassion Is Key to Managing Anger

Image of woman experiencing anger with title of blog post that says "Why Self-Compassion Is Key to Managing Anger"

Whenever I get the chance, I talk about self-compassion. It is one of the biggest and most beneficial changes I have made over the course of my life. As a lawyer, it is essential to help me manage the stresses and challenges of law practice. The other day, though, a friend reminded me of yet another reason. Self-compassion can help with anger.

I teach about self-compassion all the time, but it was honestly nice to be reminded of this fact. For one thing, it was good timing because I am preparing to present a CLE on anger management for lawyers. In addition, self-compassion is not always easy to practice, so it was nice to remember yet another benefit of this trait.

The Relationship Between Self-Compassion and Anger

The friend who told me about the positive impact self-compassion can have on anger is another mindfulness teacher. I didn’t doubt her memory, but I wanted to confirm for myself. As a result, I visited researcher, Kristin Neff’s, website to see what I could find.

In a quick search, I found at least 3 studies that confirmed that self-compassion indeed had an impact on anger. These included the following studies showing that:

These are just a few examples, but all of these studies reveal that my friend was right. Indeed, self-compassion has an impact on anger and how we process it.

How Are Self-Compassion and Anger Related?

If you read any of the studies above, you may get some insights about the way that self-compassion can help us navigate and let go of anger. As a mindfulness teacher and someone who has historically struggled with anger, I have seen exactly how the two things are related.

Here are just a few ways that I believe self-compassion has helped me to be a less angry person.

  • I practice anger and judgment less. This means I disrupt the habitual anger reaction. Instead, I have replaced it (most of the time) with remembering common humanity.
  • I allow my feelings more and block them less. It took years but quite literally I have learned to let myself feel my emotions. This has created clarity about what matters and what doesn’t.
  • I focus more on honoring my own needs. When I meet my needs more, I feel better and don’t feel angry as much.
  • I accept my own limitations with more kindness. Constantly striving for perfection creates a lot of frustration. Wisdom around personal limits helps avoid this.
  • All of these things help me see others with kinder and gentler eyes. When I accept how I feel and what I need, I remember more often the humanity of other people.
Image showing 3 examples of research-proven benefits of self-compassion in relation to anger

Why Should Lawyers and Professionals or Anyone Else Care?

This one is obvious to most lawyers. Anger is a constant and frequent threat for us, just like it is for many business professionals. Our jobs often entail stress, time constraints, and conflict. This is a breeding ground for anger in and of itself.

In addition, as I have written before, anger and judgment are strongly correlated. Nothing will create an anger reaction more than the perception that someone has broken the rules or invaded a personal boundary. This kind of analysis is a lawyer’s stock and trade. To some degree, this means that many lawyers and other professionals practice anger every day at work.

As a result, the fact that self-compassion can help us manage or reduce anger may be a lifeline that many lawyers need. Even though anger sometimes feels good, it is volatile and can easily lead to bad results at work. It can lead to even more dire health consequences, including adverse impacts on our sleep as well as cardiac, immune, and digestive systems.

Easy Ways to Begin Exploring Self-Compassion Even If You Are Unsure about It

Despite the promising research, many people remain skeptical or unsure about cultivating self-compassion. Even though research exists to the contrary, they may be concerned that self-compassion will make them weak. In addition, they may be concerned that they can never change, even though countless studies demonstrate that self-compassion can be cultivated.

If this is you, I encourage you to first be self-compassionate towards yourself by not pushing too far. You don’t have to change your mind right away. All of those fears are normal and besides change takes time.

If you want to explore self-compassion more deeply, including to help you manage anger, I hope this list of resources will help:

If You Want to Be Angry Less, Try Self-Compassion

Anger is a human emotion that happens to us all. Though we should not strive to never be angry in life, many lawyers and professionals may need help managing it. If you have a busy, stressful, or conflict-heavy job, you may need to pay extra attention to the role that anger plays in your life and work. The good news is that self-compassion is a trait you can cultivate with simple practices over time. If you give them a try, you may help yourself build a happier, healthier, and less angry life.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Managing Sleepiness in Your Meditation Practice

Image of sleepy woman trying to meditate with title from blog post "Managing Sleepiness in Your Meditation Practice"

Most people who meditate long enough will eventually face the problem of sleepiness. For those new to practice, it can actually be a good a sign. Sleepiness can signify that the body and mind are relaxing, which is a good thing.

Severe or persistent drowsiness, though, can create some problems. You can’t cultivate mindfulness or compassion in meditation if you can’t stay awake. I have been dealing with sleepiness a lot lately. In fact, I just went on a seven-day retreat and sleepiness was my biggest challenge.

Here are the things that I learned on retreat that helped me deal with sleepiness in meditation.

1. Identify the early signs of sleepiness.

Once full on sleepiness sets in, it can be nearly impossible to correct it. That’s why it helps to identify your early signs of sleepiness. These can be subtle, so it may take some trial and error. Even so, sleepiness happens at some point for all of us. This means that you are bound to get plenty of time to practice this.

The early signs of sleepiness may vary for us all. For me, though, I notice a lack of energy, tired eyes, and a general droopiness in my body. My shoulders might slump and my head might lean forward ever so slightly. If I am clear enough, I usually also notice mental haziness.

One of the clearest signs is a subtle ripple of energy that starts in my face and radiates down my body. When I notice this, it is like an alarm that tells me to immediately take some of the actions identified next to wake up.

2. Ways to Wake Yourself Up.

When you feel sleepiness come on, one or a combination of these steps may help you wake up.

1. Remove your sweater or blanket.

Temperature control is huge for meditation. To avoid sleepiness, a slightly cool room is ideal. Removing your sweater or blanket to cool your body down may help you wake up.

2. Sit or stand up.

It can be hard or even awkward at times to move during meditation. Sometimes it is the right call. If you are falling asleep when you practice, sitting or standing up can help. Walking meditation is always an option if you need movement to raise your energy levels.

3. Lift Your Head.

This one is subtle, but sometimes sleepiness happens because we unwittingly let our heads bow. This can block our airways slightly and may simulate our experience during sleep. Raising your head so your eyes are level with the horizon may clear your airway and wake you up.

4. Open Your Eyes

What do all sleeping people hate the most? They hate it when you turn on the lights. If sleepiness comes when you meditate, open your eyes. You may also consider practicing in a room with some light to keep yourself alert during practice.

5. Try breathwork

Many people think that the breath calms us down, but this isn’t totally true. It can also energize us. Focusing on the inhale during meditation may offer more energy. Using a pranayama technique briefly, like box breath, may force your mind to get active and wake you up.

6. Connect with Your Intention

Sleepiness in meditation is hard. It would feel so good to just succumb to the siren call of the impromptu power nap. Struggling through that temptation is rough. When this happens to me, I recall my intention for practice. I meditate daily precisely for moments like these. I want to build skills for navigating inner challenges with more grace and kindness. Remembering this usually helps me focus and wake up.

7. Shift to a more active style of practice.

I recommend keeping your daily meditation practice very simple, but it also helps to have a few options at your disposal. One reason is that some meditation styles are more active than others. Open awareness practice or even breath focus may induce relaxation and eventually sleepiness. Something more active, like body scan, noting practice, or even one of the heart practices may energize your mind and body.

Image listing 7 ways to handle sleepiness in meditation that were shared in the blog post

3. Be Sure that You Aren’t Unconsciously Causing or Just Ignoring Sleepiness.

If you have tried all the strategies above and sleepiness persists, you may need to dig dipper. Ask yourself the following questions if drowsiness continues when you meditate.

A. Are You Sleeping Enough?

Most Americans do not get enough sleep. This is specifically true for lawyers as well. There are many reasons for this but the pervasiveness of screens is a common culprit. If you can’t stay awake during meditation, it is worth asking yourself if you just need some rest. Focusing on quality sleep will improve your meditation practice and overall health.

B. Are You Trying too Hard?

Another common problem for many professionals, especially lawyers, is unconscious overwork. Some of us may habitually try hard. We may be so used to striving that we do it in meditation. This may be true even after years of practice and instruction that reminds us to avoid striving.

Trying too hard can induce sleepiness for the simple reason that it wears our minds out. While sleepiness may be a sign indicating a need for more focus, it can also indicate a need to relax too. You can do this by bringing in an attitude of play and lightness into practice. You can also try giving yourself breaks in practice by shifting the practice type or taking small breaks within your practice.

C. Is there an underlying medical condition you should explore?

Sometimes sleepiness can be a sign of an underlying medical or mental health condition. If the sleepiness persists despite interventions, it may be time to talk to your care provider. Meditation is just one means of taking care of ourselves. A doctor or mental health care provider can help you ensure that all of your needs are met.

4. Learn about Acceptance and Self-Compassion.

Even if you do all the things right, the odds are that sleepiness still may happen during meditation. Meditation is not about controlling your body or your mind. Instead, it’s about learning to work with your body and your mind better.

As discussed above, sleepiness in meditation gives you a chance to see what strategies energize and deplete you. When all those fail, though, sleepiness can give you a chance to practice something arguably more important. It can give you a reason to practice acceptance and self-compassion.

You can’t always be energized. You can’t always be “on.” Your mind does not always want to focus. Your body may not always want to sit. Practicing self-kindness in the midst of this lack of control is part of meditation. Though I know exactly how frustrating this can feel, I can also say that this life skill is very helpful to have.

Conclusion

Fatigue or drowsiness during meditation is a very human thing. It does not mean that you are a bad meditator or the practice isn’t right for you. Instead, sleepiness is a normal challenge for most meditators. Learning to manage sleepiness in meditation can build skills and teach you about yourself.

To deal with problems in meditation practice, including sleepiness, check out the Pause and Begin Again ebook. This free resource offers tips for starting and restarting a meditation practice and facing common challenges.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Balancing Law Practice with Extra Projects

Image of lawyer balancing multiple bubbles in one hand and blog post headline that says "Balancing Law Projects with Extra Projects" new blog and podcast

Law practice is often busy, stressful, and hectic on its own. Most lawyers know that lawyers often must do more than just practice law. Business development, networking, and community involvement are the extracurricular activities of a healthy law practice. This raises the question: how do you make time for these extras and still maintain well-being?

I talked about these ideas with some other high-achieving lawyers in a recent podcast interview. I am sharing it with you here today because it offers some good insights and tips.

Why Lawyers Take on Extra Projects

As I have shared over the years on this blog, I have a lot of extras on top of my law practice. I manage this blog, teach mindfulness, have a family, and practice law. Last year, I added another big role to this list when I edited a legal treatise for LexisNexis.

This may seem like a lot. In fact, many people tell me it sounds like a lot. Sometimes it feels that way, but I enjoy having multiple facets of my life. New experiences allow for the development of new skills. They also offer me a chance to meet new people by doing things I enjoy. This has helped develop business, cultivate a solid network, and create confidence in myself as a lawyer.

The podcast interview shared here reveals that a motivation to grow and experience new things is important for many lawyers. Many of us take on extra projects for professional and personal benefits.

How Can Lawyers Make Time for Extra Projects

The best way to answer this question is not to look for a one-size-fits-all solution. Most lawyers have to find a balance that works for them. Many of us must use our best judgment or trial and error to find this. That’s why I asked two of the lawyers who worked with me on the treatise to talk about this.

Paul Finamore and Caroline Berdzik are exceptional employment lawyers and active community leaders. They have a lot on their plates. When I approached them about authoring a chapter for the treatise, they both accepted.

In the interview, they both shared how they enlisted support from colleagues. They also explained how they blocked off time to complete the project. Finally, they shared that project leadership helped them comply with deadlines and get the work done.

Where and How to Learn More

You can learn more about the treatise here. It is a great resource for any lawyers who deal regularly with employment contracts.

If you want to listen to the full interview, you can find it on Apple Podcasts or the FDCC Speaks library here.

For more great interviews relating to lawyer well-being, check out the following episodes of FDCC Speaks:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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