It was a busy week but a great week for me. I got to celebrate Well-Being Week in Law in several different ways.
First, I got to present on mindfulness and confidence for a law firm. The session was well-attended and the engagement from the audience was excellent. I shared how mindfulness can help build confidence because it can help you break down fear and doubt into component parts and learn strategies to care for each aspect.
Well-Being Week in Law Event Number 1
On Wednesday, I connected with Kristin Tyler, a founder of LAWCLERK Legal and a long-time friend of the blog, and coach and one of my co-authors from the book #Networked, Olivia Vizachero, to discuss mental health in the legal profession.
We discussed everything from strategies for time management and reducing decision fatigue to the practices that support our personal and professional well-being. It was a fun conversation and I was so proud that LAWCLERK chose my book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, as a giveaway item to support attorney wellness.
You can watch the recording of event here on YouTube:
Well-Being Week in Law Event Number 2
For my last event of the week, I came back home. Specifically, I did a brief talk and guided meditation for my local bar association. I’m a proud member of the Northern Kentucky Bar Association Lawyers Living Well Committee. I talked about how to manage the early phases of meditation practice when you may not immediately feel calm and relaxed. In the guided meditation, I focused on ways to learn to practice relaxation and rest.
To listen to the talk and try the meditation, check out the recording of the event here:
Did you do any special activities this week? Leave a comment to let us know what you tried.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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It’s Well-Being Week in Law this week. If you are familiar with the mental health challenges in the legal profession, this may not be surprising. Even so, you may ask yourself what exactly does “well-being” mean?
There are many ways to define this. Some take the approach of creating buckets or categories which ensure that the various aspects of lawyers’ lives are addressed. This includes everything from physical, mental, emotional, to spiritual and even financial needs.
As someone who has always been skeptical about the idea of work-life balance, I prefer something a bit more flexible. Instead of filling buckets, I prefer a process based on habits and practices that flow into and support one another. A process like this can shift and change with the seasons of life. Like the bucket approach above, however, it is premised on the assumption that lawyers are humans first and their human needs must be met.
5 Steps of Lawyer Well-Being
So what are our human needs? We need to take care of our bodies, minds, and hearts. But to be happy we also need to connect with others in community and grow. These five steps cycle into each other to form my process for lawyer well-being, which I share below.
1. Feeling Is Fundamental to Well-Being
Lawyers can struggle with well-being for a fundamental reason: we are often lost in our thoughts. Attunement to our bodily experiences is, thus, an important place to start for improving personal wellness. Even if you struggle with this, small changes over time can increase body awareness, which can help you identify and tend to personal needs on an ongoing basis.
This may sound basic and that’s because it is. This aspect is about reconnecting with the actual experience of life every day. Technology and the rush of our lives do not lend themselves well to staying present in our bodily experiences. Everything from alcohol to Netflix can serve as a numbing tool if we don’t reflect on how we use them.
2. Rest Is Essential for Lawyers
A billable hour system means that we are validated by productivity and can easily correlate hours worked with worth. Without rest, however, performance, productivity, and creativity suffer. Rest, of course, is only effective when we truly can allow ourselves to relax and recharge.
Sleep is a huge part of the rest we need as humans. With our very active minds, however, we lawyers may also need to develop practices to learn how to deeply relax. If our nervous system stays on high alert, it can prevent us from relaxing or sleeping, and lead to other health problems. With our heavy reliance on technology, rest may not always be just “doing nothing”, but instead might include doing another activity “in real life” and without any screens.
One of the reasons that healing is hard for lawyers is that processing emotions takes time and patience. Some emotional experiences won’t make sense to us if we are not attuned to our bodies and don’t have the time to sit with them. Stigma and feeling like we always must present as being in control and competent can make this a challenge too.
4. Connection Is Critical
Lawyers are often around other people. To do our jobs, we often have to deal with a variety of personalities. We usually must also network and build our reputations broadly across groups. Despite this, lawyers experience loneliness more than other professions.
Real connection means that we feel we are able to be ourselves. It also requires a sense of belonging in our firms, families, and communities. It means that there must be some meeting point for our inner experience and the outer world.
Because our lives are busy, we may have to plan ahead to schedule in activities even with people we love. In addition, life changes rapidly so social dynamics do too. On top of this, some of the social institutions humans have looked to for belonging are no longer as prominent as they once were. Though it can feel strange that keeping in touch with friends may take work, the effort is well worth it. Do not take feelings of disconnection to mean there is something wrong with you.
The profession and most firms are experiencing rapid change right now, which often presents opportunities for growth. One thing to remember, though, is that growth is not necessarily always pleasant. Because it can be scary, stressful and volatile, we may need to have periods of rest and relative inactivity and to rely on the other skills and supports to assist as we establish equilibrium.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Friends tell me all the time that they like to go out for a “walking meditation.” My automatic reaction internal is this: “No, you’re not, but good for you.” Of course, I would never say this to someone unless asked but walking meditation is not the same thing as a walk outside.
One reason I would never offer this advice unsolicited in normal social circumstances is that I will never discourage anyone from (a) moving; or (b) getting outside. Taking a walk outside is awesome for you in every way. It’s good exercise and being outside is good for your mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In the right circumstances, a walk outside can slow the mind and elicit mindfulness and calm.
Walking Meditation Is Not Just Taking a Walk
In short, walking meditation and a walk may overlap in some ways but they aren’t the same. The most prominent distinction is speed. With walking meditation, you don’t walk at your normal pace. You walk in slow motion.
If you have done a practice where you focused on your breath, I bet you noticed all sorts of things about breathing you had never noticed before. You may have noticed that a breath cycle affects various parts of your breath. You may have noticed that it feels kind of good. You may have noticed that you needed to learn to let yourself take deep, full breaths.
You’ll notice your feet on the floor. You’ll notice the push forward, lifting and rotation of your foot, and then landing it firmly on the group. As you do this, repeatedly, you’ll learn that it can settle your mind just like sitting meditation.
Why Is Walking Meditation Helpful?
Now, you may be wondering why anyone would do this practice. To be sure, if you actually did walking meditation out in your neighborhood, your neighbors would probably come check on you to be sure you were okay. It looks funny and feels awkward.
The most likely place that you would experience walking meditation is on retreat and for a very practical reason: one cannot sit comfortably for hours on end. Many retreat centers will structure the program to include intervals of sitting and walking meditation to allow movement and keep the mind from becoming too dull.
The other great benefit of walking meditation, though, is that it can help you bring mindfulness into your life. Walking meditation may feel strange but it is a bridge between sitting meditation and real life. It encourages you to continue your mindfulness practice even as you move and go about your daily activities.
Walking Meditation Offers an Option for People Who Struggle to Sit Still
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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As a new author of a book only a few months old, I was proud to be have my book listed among those of friends. I was also pleased to see so many great resources out there for lawyers. Check out the list and let me know in the comments if you have read any of them.
If you are looking for more great books relating to mental health and mindfulness, check out our Brilliant Recommendations with book and product reviews.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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In this interview, I talk about the human realities and workplace practices that lead to hustle culture and she offers some insights about how to get out of the trap.
What is your definition of hustle culture? What are the strategies that you have used to avoid it?
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Founder’s Note: I have written here before about how much networking on LinkedIn and creativity have done for me. Even so, I know it’s hard to do at the beginning because you are trying to learn something new and engagement may seem slow. I recently came across Lin Walker on LinkedIn and found her comments to be thoughtful and well crafted. We chatted and I was inspired by her willingness to jump in and get started with content creation to promote herself and her firm. I think you will be inspired by her too, so read on and consider following her for more great content on LinkedIn.
Q. Lin, you are getting started on LinkedIn and with content creation. Tell me why you decided to take that leap to support your firm and practice?
I decided to start marketing on LinkedIn for a number of reasons that centered on accessibility issues for foreign nationals and for female and minority attorneys, like me.
U.S. immigration law is unnecessarily complex, involving at least five different governmental agencies, with policies and procedures guided by statutes, regulations, internal memoranda, administrative case law and executive orders. So much of what is written by attorneys is for other attorneys – the language and terminology is often complicated and relies on terms of art that someone without legal training would struggle to understand and apply, let alone someone whose first language is not English.
I wanted to provide a service for foreign nationals and non-attorneys to make immigration law more accessible, but also for people who are new to the practice, whether they are paralegals, attorneys or human resources managers. My goal is always accessibility–no matter a person’s background or training, I want to make U.S. immigration policies and procedures understandable to remove some of the fear and anxiety in dealing with the various governmental agencies.
I also felt like there was an absence of voices from people like me. I am a first-generation immigrant and first-generation attorney. Most legal publications do not make it easy for someone like me publish an article–they want a pedigree and lived experiences that I do not possess. In addition, in the past, when I was asked to write articles, they were published under the partner’s name (usually male) and I was lucky if I received a byline or footnote with my name. With LinkedIn, I have an equal opportunity to express my opinions and experiences in a way that is authentic to me–where I get credit for my own hard work. LinkedIn = freedom for me.
Q. Isn’t this somewhat scary for you? How are you dealing with that?
Initially it was terrifying – I was never given an opportunity to use my own voice before, so I was out of practice. I worried about posting something that was viewed as awful or unhelpful.
I can’t say I’m over this 100%, but I was able to quiet that fear and make the practice more tenable by focusing on my goal to make immigration law accessible and by sticking to what I knew best (immigration law) and the issues that I was passionate about. If I read an article and it caused a reaction, I knew I had to write about it. Instead of venting to my husband about how terrible an immigration policy, procedure or decision was, I wrote about it.
I have also found a measure of peace in the process by following other attorneys and seeing how they made topics accessible and inspired engagement on LinkedIn. A trusted friend recently offered me great advice: even when a post is authentic and right for you, there is a still a level of discomfort and vulnerability. Part of the process is becoming comfortable with this level of vulnerability.
Q. Is any part of content creation fun for you? What have you liked?
I absolutely love collaborating with other people–attorneys or not–to create accessible content. One project that I love is critiquing the way popular culture (movies and television) portrays the U.S. immigration system and providing guidance on what is real and what is dramatized for entertainment purposes. There is so much misunderstanding of how the immigration system works and so many stereotypes about immigrants – by critiquing these portrayals, it is my hope to educate the general public about the realities of the U.S. immigration system and immigrants.
I have been fortunate enough to work with a Social Media Content Producer who shares my goal of providing educational and accessible content. It was actually his idea to critique how films portray U.S. immigration and immigrants. With his guidance, I was able to combine my love of researching, writing and educating into creating content for LinkedIn.
I’ve also been lucky enough to work with a Digital Marketing expert who introduced me to several attorneys who are doing amazing things on LinkedIn, which is how I was introduced to you.
Q. Part of content creation, especially in the early phases, is feeling like you are screaming into a void. Do you have a dream or goal that is helping you keep moving forward?
Initially creating content was really a struggle because I thought, “why post that – everyone knows that!” But in reality, the opposite is true – my lived experiences have given me a different perspective and goal – to make U.S. immigration law accessible to anyone who needs it. Being able to offer guidance, as a first-generation immigrant, and first-generation immigration attorney, outweighs most of the fear that I have about my content.
Q. What resources would you offer to other lawyers who are trying content creation for marketing or networking purposes?
If you are struggling to create content – that’s normal, we’ve all been there. Try starting by addressing questions that clients ask you all the time. It doesn’t matter if other attorneys know the answer – you’re not writing for them. You’re writing for your current or future client(s).
If someone criticizes your content without providing actionable feedback – ignore them. If the feedback isn’t geared towards improving your content, then serves only one purpose–to muzzle you. Your LinkedIn profile is your party – you decide who to let in and how wild it gets.
If you can’t get support within your firm or practice area, collaborate with people outside your firm or practice area. There are so many areas of law that overlap and so many industries impacted by your particular area of practice. And, there are so many amazing people on LinkedIn who can mentor and support you.
Lin Walker is an attorney whose practice has focused on all aspects of employment- and family-based immigration law. As an experienced attorney, Lin has represented diverse corporate and individual clients, focusing on outstanding researchers, individuals of extraordinary ability in the arts, sciences and business, and individuals whose work is in the national interest of the United States. Prior to joining Meyner and Landis, Lin worked at several immigration law firms, where she handled various employment- and family-based immigration cases, including O-1, O-2, H-1B, L-1, TN, EB-1 (Extraordinary Ability, Outstanding Researcher/Professor and Multinational Manager), and National Interest Waiver petitions, as well as adjustment of status applications, naturalization applications, and PERM Labor Certifications. In addition, Lin served as a high school science teacher in New York City for six years, working with at-risk teenagers and young adults, where she received a prestigious Math for America Master Teacher Fellowship in 2015.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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For most of the pandemic, I was good about working out but struggled with motivation to do strength training. I kept trying to incorporate strength into my routine but inevitably fell out of the habit. This was until last year when I finally cracked the code of inconsistency and developed a pattern of doing 3 days focusing on strength, and 3 days focusing on cardio. Fortunately, the realities of math and my calendar led to me designating Friday as my day of rest.
And you know what? I loved it. It was nice to mix things up. It was nice to get back to a practice I hadn’t done for a while. It was nice to remind myself that my practice was mine and I could tailor it to suit my needs. After a long work week, it was nice to emphasize rest and my body more and my mind little bit less.
I have touted consistency on this blog before and I won’t depart from that wisdom any time soon. But meditation is a practice for life and it will come with ebbs and flows. At times, it may also come with boredom and malaise. Variety is one way to stave those things off or recover from them. In this way, even if the “rest day” is slightly less consistent, it is conducive overall to preserving mindfulness as a habit long-term.
Now, you may wonder how to incorporate a mental rest day if you aren’t a fan of restorative yoga. In truth, the name of a “mental rest day” is a bit of a misnomer because many mindfulness practices may include a rest for the mind. This is actually a good thing, though, because it means options for mixing up your meditation practice are myriad.
Here are some ideas beyond restorative yoga for trying your own mental rest day:
Try a guided meditation if you usually use silence. Try silence if you usually use guiding. Play some relaxing music while you meditate in place of either.
Try mindful movement, including walking meditation, qi gong, or tai chi.
Try a new kind of meditation practice. If you usually do breath practice, incorporate body scan, loving-kindness or a new kind of noting practice such as mindfulness of sounds.
When it comes to physical fitness, the idea of a “rest” day is so standard that it’s almost a no-brainer. The reason for this is clear: our bodies need time to recover from physical training and exertion. This same idea often holds true for our minds too. If you need a break or just want to try something new, consider incorporating a mental rest day into your mindfulness practice.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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You can find it at the link above, most podcast outlets, or watch it on YouTube here:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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There is a common idea that confidence is this feeling of empowerment. Some people define it in the negative as if it the absence of fear or doubt. I don’t like those definitions. Perhaps they are true for some, but based on my own experience they are incomplete.
I think confidence is more of a process than an emotion. Thus, the test can’t be how you feel in any given moment. It has to be based on what you do over time.
So, when Attorney at Law magazine reached out to me to ask for a guest blog post, it didn’t take long for me to come up with a topic. I knew I had to write about confidence and explain it is really. I also wanted to explain why mindfulness and compassion are powerful tools for building confidence.
To learn more, check out the full guest post here:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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People curious about my decision to quit drinking alcohol usually ask me (privately) some version of the same two questions: Why? and How?
THE “WHY”
The “Why” is different for everybody.
My “Why” was like an everything bagel – a really stale one.
Some people quit out of necessity. They get in legal trouble, their spouse threatens divorce, the doctor (or priest) says “it’s time,” they develop an allergy (that’s a real thing), they “accidentally” say something that incinerates a most-cherished relationship, their boss threatens them with termination, etc.
Others quit because they see the effects of alcohol around them and they just want to do things differently. They’re tired of the drama, the missed deadlines, the prurient behavior, the disappointments, the dishonesty, the worrying, etc. Alcohol weighs them down – indirectly, but in a powerful way. And it’s just plain exhausting.
Some quit for financial reasons. Regular boozing is expensive. I did the math for myself, and I figure (conservatively) that if I had never started drinking in the first place, I would have saved enough money to pay cash for law school.
Look: 21 years of drinking (I’m 42 and it actually started way earlier than that) x $25 (average) per day = $191,625. My law school charged me a whopping $120,000 (plus a boatload of compounding interest).
If that math sounds wonky to you, try this one: I quit 981 days ago. My sobriety tracker app estimates I’ve saved myself $24,425 since quitting. Think about what that means moving forward. I’m hoping to get another 50 years out of this ride!
Even moderate drinking drains the bank. A 6-pack of beer costs $6 – $10. If I bought one every other day (no more than three beers a day): that’s $18 – $40 a week; $936 – $2,080 a year; $46,800 – $104,000 in 50 years.
The numbers above don’t even account for lost productivity or the healthcare costs associated with regular or prolonged drinking. When I started my journey, I estimated I spent one hour a day drinking (it was way more). I’ve earned back almost 1,000 hours of my life – but it feels like a million. My productivity now is threefold what it was when I quit. I have three active boys, a busy law practice with my spouse, and a side-gig as an artist and marketer. I need all the energy I can get. And I love all of the energy that I have!
Truth is: there are a million different reasons to quit. No matter what yours are, have been or will be, keep a few things in mind:
1. Your “why” is the most important “why” for you, even if someone else tells you it is silly, stupid, meaningless, an overreaction etc. Nobody knows you like you. DO YOU. All the rest of it is just noise.
2. No one else’s “why” is better or worse than yours. Playing the comparison game will not – I repeat – will not help you. Compare yourself only to yourself and keep moving! It’s a game of progress not perfection.
3. Your “why” is not a point of shame – no matter how bad you think it is. YOUR WHY IS YOUR SUPERPOWER. Own it. Love it. Remember it. Honor it. Your “Why” got you where you are. And that, my friends, is a blessing – even if it hurts in the beginning. It won’t hurt forever, I promise!
4. You are allowed to share your “why” with others, but you don’t have to, especially if you’re not ready. Take your time. You may not even really understand your “why” fully until you’ve had some time to clear your mind and think about the impact of your choices and actions. Be patient with yourself and with others. Growth takes time. A lot of it. You’re allowed a little privacy in this process.
First,talk kindly to yourself. When you quit drinking, you are going to have feelings. Lots of them. Some may be painful or uncomfortable. And some may be wonderful beyond your wildest expectations. Positive self-talk is absolutely essential to riding this roller coaster. If you’re lucky, your parents taught you how to do this and you’re already good at it. But lots of folks are clueless when it comes to self-soothing. So, try this simple exercise: Imagine yourself 20 years into the future. Close your eyes and picture what you look like, how you feel and all of the wisdom you’ve earned over the years. Picture yourself happy, content, fulfilled and proud. Now, ask that future version of you to talk to the current you. Do it out loud. And keep it simple: “You can do this.” “I’m proud of you.” “This will pass.” “Just breathe.” Do this every. single. day. Keep in mind, there is no such thing as a right way or a wrong way. Just do your best and thank yourself for the effort!
Second, if you’re going to quit drinking, you’ve got to replace old habits with new ones. Use your hands. Try knitting, whittling, braiding leather, stringing beads, weaving. Get yourself a cheap sketchbook, a pocket-sized watercolor set, a notebook, a camera (your smart phone works!). Paint, write, draw, photograph, write poetry, imagine. Whatever you use, it needs to be portable, it needs to be mind-numbing and it needs to be with you all the time. Something you can carry through airport security (okay, maybe not a whittling knife). Every time you feel the old habit creep up, grab your “thing” and get those hands busy. Don’t stop until the urge passes. It will pass.
Third, there will be plenty of days when you want to drink. Have a plan. When I first decided to quit drinking, I took all the alcohol out of the house. We were in Covid lockdown so there was really no place for me to go to drink, so that made it easy (easier). But, if you know that going to Happy Hour on Thursdays with your coworkers will be a temptation for you, don’t go. Go see a movie instead or check out your local park or nature trail. If you do socialize with drinking friends, ask the bartender in advance to make you a fancy, refillable “mocktail.” I kept a pretty glass, soda water and fresh lemon and lime on hand at all times for the first year. Hot tea is a great sippy cup substitute also.
Fourth, sweat out that stress. You absolutely have to exercise. Make time. If you had time to drink yesterday, you have time to sweat today. At my drinking peak, I used alcohol daily to blunt a fairly heavy level of work/parenting stress. So when I quit, that energy had to go somewhere. I literally felt like I was going to explode. The first 60 days were the worst. Then my mom and sisters insisted we do remote cardio classes together. I cursed them for days. But it worked. With their help, I started a new habit, and prevented what I thought was sure to be a case of premature death by spontaneous combustion. Remember, exercise doesn’t have to be expensive. Cleaning house counts. Yard work counts. Just move. And make sure you’re sweating when you do it.
Fifth, ask for help if you need it. Everybody’s circumstances are different. You may have an unsupportive roommate or partner. Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where to start (or how to stop). Maybe you feel trapped or ashamed or like you’re just not strong enough to weather the next storm. There are people who are ready to help you. Ask a doctor, a priest, a family member, a close friend, a local non-profit or a support group. Reach out to someone you trust. Loving arms will catch you.
Finally, think about how you see alcohol in your life. Look around. We are bombarded with advertising encouraging alcohol consumption in every one of life’s most glorious occasions: weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, the Super Bowl. We use it for celebration and in moments of sorrow. Did you get dumped? Blow that big presentation? Fail your final exam? There’s a concoction for that!
Alcohol. Is. Literally. Everywhere. I never really noticed this until I decided to quit. And then I asked myself, why do they want me to drink so much? It’s an odd thing, really.
I often wonder how things would be if, instead of asking “How” and “Why” a person quits drinking, we were to ask “How” and “Why” we all start drinking in the first place. The answer, of course, does not matter. All that matters is what you do today. And I have a question for you: What have you got to lose?
Author Bio: Christina T. Mazaheri is Managing Partner at Mazaheri & Mazaheri where she practices primarily in the areas of Employment & Civil Rights Law. She is a native South Carolinian and met her husband and law partner, Bernie, while working at the nation’s largest plaintiffs’ firm in Florida. Christina and her family (Bernie, their three boys and their Great Danes) moved to their “forever home” in the Bluegrass region of Kentucky in 2018. Christina handles cases in several states, and she has published articles and spoken on topics dealing with Wage & Hour, Age Discrimination, Arbitration and Family Medical Leave issues in the workplace. When she’s not practicing law, Christina takes an active role in educating her children, who are full-time practitioners of the Art of Fencing. Christina also enjoys creative urban agriculture, historic renovation, painting, music & textile arts, raising and showing Great Danes, and remaining active with her church.
