Tag Archives: meditation

This App Can Help You Find More Moments of Space

Cover image for a blog post reviewing the Meditation App moments of Space

I wasn’t looking for a new meditation app, but one came looking for me. The lovely people at Moments of Space reached out to ask if I would be willing to check out their blog and do a sponsored post.

As a busy lawyer, mom, and author, it’s not an easy thing to just add a new task on my to-do list but they appealed to all my favorite things. Am I curious by nature? Absolutely. Did they offer me a chance to try something new? Yes, indeed.

What is Different about Moments of Space?

Moments of Space is a relatively new entrant to the meditation app market, but it offers a fresh take. Unlike most other apps, Moments of Space encourages an “eyes open” style of practice. You read that right. The meditations cue you not to close or lower your eyes, but instead keep them wide open.

This invitation, I have to admit, made me nervous at first. I had heard some really great teachers suggest meditating with eyes open before, but my eyes always seemed to close on their own whenever I meditated. Could I even meditate with my eyes open? What would it be like? Would I be so distracted with visual information that my mind would never settle?

I had to get answers to these questions, so I quickly agreed to explore and write a post about my experience. And, yes, keep scrolling because I share my answers below.

Who Is Behind This App?

The first thing I was curious about when I started exploring Moments of Space was the people behind it. The creator is Kim Little, a long-time meditator and London tech entrepreneur. Kim’s experience with Tibetan Buddhism, a branch with which I am familiar and has bestowed upon the world some of the most transformative heart practices, was immediately appealing to me. I also liked his goal of making the teachings practical and accessible and building a business based on ethics.

A more recent addition to the app is someone who does not require an introduction: Gwyneth Paltrow. Paltrow, known first as an actress and now as the purveyor of all things lifestyle on Goop, is a co-owner and Global Community Director. Though not a teacher, Paltrow is a long-time meditator and was drawn to the app when she discovered eyes open practice.

One thing I noted about this relationship that I appreciated was that the app indicates that the meditations lead by Paltrow were “read” by her. It’s a small thing that only a meditation teacher would notice. Yet, I appreciated this subtle reference to differentiate between practice with a trained teacher and a celebrity using her influence and well-loved voice to promote the practice of meditation.

Art from meditation app Moments of Space

What Was the App Like?

Like many apps, Moments of Space offers a seven-day free trial so that you can check it’s features out for yourself before you decide to subscribe. Here are the features that I noticed when I gave it a shot.

Seamless Set Up

The download and set up for the app couldn’t have been easier. I created an account easily and did the quick questionnaire to identify my path with a few screen taps.

Nice Features

After getting set up, I went through all the tabs on the app. I first looked for an unguided timer, since silence is my jam, and surprisingly all meditation apps don’t have this. I was pleased to see one there with options for setting the time and selecting sounds if desired.

Like any good app, Moments of Space also tracks and rewards and achievements to help keep you motivated to practice and explore.

Skills Pathways

The app also has “paths”  which are a structured journey through the realms of Body, Mind, Heart, and Space. I liked the inclusion of “space” as an option, since open awareness practice–where no particular focal point is selected–has helped me learn to find deep relaxation and inner peace. Instruction on this practice is also particularly helpful since open awareness, due to its utter simplicity, may be the hardest to grasp.

I was not able to try all 4 paths but I worked through the first level of the “heart” and “mind” pathway. I enjoyed the “learn,” “practice” and “apply” model for each lesson. They included a short conceptual teaching paired with a practice and then a very short (1-3 minute) debriefing to drive the concepts home.

Check-In Opportunities

On the home page, you will be prompted to reflect on how you are feeling. Checking in with how you feel regularly is a good practice in itself. However, if you try it on the app, you will also get an AI-generated recommendation. In a tiring world, anything to help fight the battle against decision fatigue is appreciated.

Clean Appearance and Calming Animations

Meditation apps come in a lot of flavors. Some are very subdued and others whimsical. Pun fully intended, but Moments of Space picks the middle path on this. Neutral to warm tones are featured prominently and it has an energized but clean appearance. Animations are added to most meditations but they are calming concentric circles. Overall, the feel of the app is one of ease, simplicity, and harmony.

To learn more about the app and how it looks, check out this video here.

A promotional video for the Moments of Space app.

How Were the Meditations?

The app is for meditation, after all, so you may be wondering how they were. As someone who doesn’t prefer to use guided meditations most of the time, I have to say I enjoyed them. Here are the big reasons why.

Soothing and Neutral Voices

You know how musicians tend to wear black when they perform so you can focus on the music instead of what the musicians are wearing? That’s how I would describe the voices for the meditations. They are soothing and neutral. The voices are pleasant in their own right but they don’t steal the show from the practice.

Unobtrusive Guiding

The style of guiding for the meditations is similar too. Sometimes guided meditations leave little room for awareness or insights and Moments of Space, as its name would imply, avoids this trap. The guiding is measured, calm, and includes enough pauses so that you still feel like you are practicing meditation instead of listening to a podcast.

Nice Options

The mediations also offer options. You can add music, set them for sitting or walking, and select a male or female voice. I also enjoyed that some of the “Moments” meditations included practice for real life activities, like cooking, writing, or walking. This can make those activities more enjoyable and they help you learn to do an eye open meditation any time, anywhere.

Is Eyes Wide Open a Good Thing?

So at last we have reached the final test. What about all this eyes wide open business? Though I was skeptical at first, I have to say that it did help me reshape my perceptions of reality. Of course, there were a few times when my eyes got tired and I had to close them to take a break. This was not a problem, since most of the practices include gentle reminders that closing your eyes is okay too. In general, though, I was able to keep them open.

Having meditated for more than 10 years, it was nice to see how this subtle change could have an impact. Until I tried meditating with eyes open, I would have assumed the visual information would clutter my experience too much. Not so, I was able to focus just fine.

I also would have assumed my brain would get confused between thoughts with any visual content and the things I was actually seeing with my eyes in the moment. Again, this wasn’t what happened. To the contrary, it seemed that my eyes being open made the visual content in my mind more detailed. Despite this, I was able to find my way back to presence and start to see the difference between mental images and real visual perception.

In other words, mediation with eyes open is a real chance to literally see how our attention can color our perception. It’s seeing realities like this that I have found leads to wiser choices, as well as peace and serenity. In the end, I plan to continue exploring eyes open meditation and am glad to have had the opportunity to explore this with the app.

Want a Preview?

If you have had enough of me sharing my opinion about the app, here’s a chance to sample it for yourself. Check out the “Awareness of Space” meditation with usuals from the app read by Gwyneth Paltrow here.

A video with the “Awareness of Space” meditation ready by Gwyneth Paltrow with visuals from the Moments of Space meditation app.

Conclusion

Moments of Space is an app that offers a modern day approach to meditation, clean presentation, helpful instruction, and style of practice that may be new to many users. It’s worth a try for anyone looking to learn meditation or add a new app to support their meditation habit. To try it for yourself, download the app here or search for “Moments of Space” on the app store for your smartphone.

Book Review: Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

Cover image for the blog post with a book review Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

How many times have you lamented in stress or frustration that life doesn’t come with an instructional manual? It’s a statement that all of us from time to time have exclaimed when we don’t really understand what’s going on and we are just doing our best to get through it. Emotions are often like this. They come along every so often and we have no choice but to ride the wave.

Most of us like to pretend that we are in control of our emotions. Anyone in the business world, including lawyers, are now familiar with the importance of EQ (“emotional intelligence”). So, of course we know how to recognize and honor the emotions that come. Right?

As a meditation teacher, I’ll be the first to admit that this is far more challenging than it seems. That’s why I am really glad to tell you there is an instructional manual–or at least an encyclopedia–for emotions: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown.

Now, some of you may be skeptical about the need for a book that explains our emotions. You may think “I know when I am happy, or sad, or mad.” And I bet you do. Those emotions are pretty easy to recognize and differentiate. But are you clear about emotions like jealousy or shame or anxiety or loneliness? Can you tell the difference between sympathy, empathy, compassion and pity?

An image about the importance of understanding emotions and emotional intelligence

When I ask this question, I’m not requesting a dictionary definition alone. What I really mean is: can you recognize the signs of these emotions in yourself and in others? Can you also understand them well enough to know their causes, cures, and significance?

That’s what Atlas of the Heart offers. It categorizes the range of human experience and uses geographical terminology to help us understand them. Rather than defining emotions as a range of symptoms, the book is structured into chapters for clusters of emotions grouped by experience. Each experience is described as the “places we go” when things are uncertain, we’re hurting, or we search for connection.

Because the chapters cluster emotions in this way, it instructs the reader on the many flavors or shades of emotional experience. For example, it helps you understand the difference between envy and jealousy, or shame and guilt, boredom and frustration, and joy and gratitude.

Moreover, the book avoids a clinical perspective on these emotions. As a social scientist, Brown has usually focused on articulating lived experience. Thus, her book isn’t broken down into “good or bad” or “healthy or unhealthy” emotions. Instead, it covers the full range to help us understand and identify emotions at any stage in our lives.

Why does it matter if we can identify our emotions? I mean, haven’t I told you that emotions are in the body? Doesn’t this mean that they just need to be felt? In the direct experience, this is often true when we can tolerate them. As Brown explains in the book’s Introduction, though, “the ability to name this emotion or experience is essential to being able to process it in a productive and healing manner.”

An image with a review of Atlas of the Heart that can helps lawyers and professionals understand emotions better

This may be true for a number of reasons. Naming emotions helps us articulate them and ideally share them with others. As a meditator, I find even powerful emotions far less daunting when I can at least recognize them and understand what message they may be trying to convey. Finally, it is really helpful to understand the variety of emotions so I can look for them in others who may not be in a position to name their emotions for me.

If you want this kind of understanding, Atlas of the Heart is worth a read. If you’d rather watch, there is one season of a TV show by the same name but as of yet the show only covers about a third of the chapters from the book. Though I am usually an audiobook listener, I got the hardback as a birthday gift and love having the print copy available as a reference tool.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

The Truth about Compassion Fatigue that Lawyers Need to Know

A cover image for the blog post The Truth about Compassion Fatigue that Lawyers Need to Know

Have you ever had touchy subjects? These are the topics that come up a lot and they always get on your nerves. You find yourself getting irritated and explaining something at length to someone who clearly doesn’t care about the issue as much as you do. For me, that thing is “compassion fatigue.”

Why on earth would this subject set me off? Well, it sets me off because the very term “compassion fatigue” gets the concept wrong. “Compassion fatigue” is a term that describes the physical, emotional, and psychological impact of helping others — often through experiences of stress or trauma.

There’s Some Confusion about Compassion and Empathy.

This is a true phenomenon that happens. Absolutely, it is one that affects many lawyers. The thing is, though, that compassion is not the real problem. The real culprit is empathy and the name of the thing everyone wants to talk about is in fact more accurately called “empathic overwhelm.”

Now, I bet you are the one feeling a bit touchy. I bet you are thinking “Empathy! Oh my stars! Empathy is so important. It makes us better people. It binds us together. How could we ever live without empathy?” Hold your horses.

I’m not arguing we should or even could live without empathy. I am suggesting, contrary to nearly everybody else on the internet, that empathy has some downsides. I’m also saying–along with some experts–that empathy and compassion aren’t the same thing. (If you want to know which experts, check out the The Craving Mind from Judson Brewer, the Science of Compassion from Kelly McGonigal, or the book Against Empathy by Paul Bloom.)

An image explaining the difference between compassion fatigue and empathic overwhelm

What Is Empathy?

So what is empathy? There are different types of it. The term sometimes refers to “cognitive” empathy, where we understand how someone else may be feeling. The other variety is “affective” empathy where we take on someone else’s feelings.

It is affective empathy that is most powerful but also most dangerous for us as lawyers. Affective empathy allows us to share in the emotions of other people. In good times, this can be amazing. If you’ve attended an awesome concert or sporting event and gotten swept up in the emotion of the crowd, you’ve experienced this.

The More Accurate Term “Empathic Overwhelm”

But empathy isn’t restricted to good, soft, or beneficial emotions alone. Have you ever had someone yell at you and your first instinct was to yell back? Has this ever happened even before you fully understood what they were mad about? Guess what? That’s empathy too.

Humans are social animals and so this trait of picking up and sharing emotions is wired into us. It can bind us together, whether that’s a good thing or not. The other downside is that empathy gets tired really quickly. It takes a lot of energy to feel big emotions. And doing this taxes our nervous system pretty quickly.

If we are in an otherwise stressful situation (and of course lawyers usually are), we can get overwhelmed very quickly. And this is why the experience is correctly called “empathic overwhelm.”

An image explaining empathy and that it is not restricted to positive emotions

How Is Compassion Different?

Now, you may be wondering why the name of this particularly icky experience is so significant. It matters because compassion can actually be a solution to empathic overwhelm. As I have shared before, compassion is not merely feeling someone else’s feelings. Instead, compassion is presence with suffering plus the willingness to help.

Compassion is not about an individualized experience of pure emotion. Instead, it’s about our connections to each other and our common humanity. Empathy is powerful because it spotlights an individual’s feelings and then mirrors that experience in us. Compassion is powerful because it is the human capacity to face difficulty with a kind intent.

Unlike empathy, compassion is far more durable. It does not get easily overwhelmed. In addition, the experience of compassion actually rewards us on the back end with the release of positive hormones, like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. If you pay attention after a compassion response, you may notice a warm glow or feeling of stability and deep well-being.

Why Should Lawyers Care about the Terminology?

And this brings me to the real true reason why this matters for lawyers. Despite my overbearing start, my point with this post is not to criticize terminology. Instead, my point is to address the assumptions underlying the terms used. By calling it “compassion fatigue”, the suggestion seems to be that lawyers could use less compassion, need take a break from compassion, or are harmed just by helping people.

In truth, the research does not bear that out for most cases. Helping people is not what harms lawyers. Instead, it is the way we help people that matters. Despite this, society sends us the resounding message that empathy is the one thing that will make the world better.

But that advice for lawyers is really problematic. Lawyers, who deal with high emotions in their clients, opposing counsel, and colleagues and have to remain stable enough to offer good advice, need to feel other people’s feelings more?

Compassion Is a Potential Solution and Not the Problem.

I don’t think so. Lawyers need the bandwidth to be able to have some cognitive empathy for clients and others. But uncontrolled empathy in the midst of legal conflicts is not ideal at all. Thus, what lawyers actually need is the ability to monitor and temper empathy.

An image comparing empathy and compassion

That’s what compassion and it’s sidekick mindfulness can do. These faculties don’t take empathy away. Instead, they can help balance and stabilize it. One reason this is most of interest to lawyers is that compassion, unlike empathy, is big enough to include oneself. While empathy almost forces us into someone else’s emotional storms, self-compassion can help us recognize and honor our own need for support.

The even better news? Even though we can’t uproot empathy and I don’t think we should try, we can cultivate mindfulness and compassion with formal and informal practices to have more stability and presence in our lives and work.

Conclusion: Say Empathic Overwhelm Instead.

In short, if someone says the term “compassion fatigue” to you, I hope I can count on your help in educating them that a better term is “empathic overwhelm.” You don’t have to get as touchy or overbearing as me either. You can just let them know that compassion is beneficial for us, but empathy gets worn out quickly. If they want a longer explanation, just send them this post.

Want to understand more about this? Check out the recent webinar that our founder did for the Kentucky Justice Association on this topic:

In addition, if you want a practice to check and monitor empathy in yourself, try our new guided meditation. This practice will help you build the skill of checking in with yourself so you can recognize and honor your own needs.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How to Manage Anxiety about Public Speaking

Cover image for blog post How to Manage Anxiety about Public Speaking

Last week, I shared a Ted-style talk that I had to give in front of a pretty large crowd of my fellow lawyers. I love public speaking in general and was passionate about the subject. Even so, the novelty of my approach–especially my decision to memorize the talk–created some last minute nervousness for me.

Due to my years of mindfulness training and experience speaking, I was able to be pretty systematic in response to my fears. I talked myself through the anxiety the night before, was able to prepare and then relax enough to sleep well, and the talk was a big success. The most important indicator of this success was the fact that I had a blast giving the talk.

I know public speaking induces anxiety for many people, including lawyers, so I decided to write down the 5 steps that helped me the most. Here they are:

1. Stop Spiraling Thoughts

If you have anxiety, you are probably no stranger to spiraling thoughts. This can be really painful because thoughts are hard to control. The thoughts may feel like truths, they may be overwhelming in amount, and they can induce powerful emotional reactions. The thinking process itself can also lock you in because you may feel like you have to answer all of the questions before you can move on or calm down.

One thing that mindfulness helped me realize, however, was to recognize that spiraling thoughts were just a symptom of anxiety. In practice, this means letting go of answering each individual thought and focusing instead on the pattern of thinking. What is all the thinking trying to say? It’s saying “I am scared and I want control to make me feel more safe.”

With something like public speaking, it’s human to want a guarantee all will go well. But it’s just not in the cards. Accepting the risk involved and the vulnerability that goes with it is a basic but essential step to stopping the thought spiral.

An image about anxiety and racing thoughts

2. Quantify the Suck.

Once you are able to accept that risk is involved and you have calmed down enough to be logical, you can tap into curiosity and pragmatism. As I said, public speaking is inherently risky. We have to speak, look intelligent, not fall down, keep breathing, and look like we are relaxed while other people just watch us.

But let’s get real. What is the risk exactly? Assuming things go badly, can you quantify how bad? How many minutes is the speech? What percentage of the time will actually be truly awful? What are the tangible and likely risks involved?

Most of the time, the odds are that these things are not as bad as our fear minds would make it seem. Most of us are rational people. We wouldn’t agree to speak if it was all risk and pain. When it comes to public speaking, the worst risk many of us face is a few minutes of awkwardness and some temporary embarrassment after.

If you are calm enough that you can avoid creating a horror fantasy for yourself, getting clear about what you fear in concrete terms can help you face and manage it.

3. Plan for the Worst.

This tip is not about pessimism or cynically setting low expectations in the hope that you will be pleasantly surprised. What I really mean with this one is making a preemptive commitment to self-compassion. Lawyers are expected so frequently to be tough and brave and show up in defense of others that this step can easily be overlooked.

The truth is that we are people too and so caring for ourselves like we are human beings can make a big difference. Anxiety can sometimes create the illusion that the thing we fear is a “game over” situation. We get so focused on the fear that we forget it’s not the end of the story. We forget we have endured painful and awkward things before and lived to tell the tale.

How did we do this? Most likely with kindness towards ourselves, time, and help from our friends and family. So, when I have big anxiety about something, I always ask “well, what will I do if things go wrong?”

Usually the answer is that I will take some time to myself. I will wallow for a bit, I will feel sad or angry or whatever. I will talk with my friends. And then eventually I will move on and other people will probably forget even sooner. Given this, make a plan for self-care and self-compassion for after your talk. This plan will help you engage in needed self-care no matter how well the talk goes and it may make you feel a bit more confident too.

An image with 5 tips to manage public speaking anxiety

4. Connect with Your Values

If you are speaking publicly about something, you probably care about it. Even if it is a “boring” legal topic, it’s probably something that matters to you and others for important reasons. One of the things that can help us the most in times of stress is connecting to our values.

The good thing about preparing to speak is that you ideally should be reviewing and thinking about the content of your talk. This is not just a chance to place facts neatly at the front of your mind; it’s also a chance to remember why they matter.

When you connect with the values underlying your talk, it is easier to be brave. It helps to remember that you aren’t just speaking to fill time or harass yourself. Instead, the point of the effort is to convey an important message to the audience.

5. Get Out of Your Head

Of course, anxiety is not just thoughts and that’s the problem. Anxiety can also create a whole lot of bodily issues that can be problematic for public speaking. There may be jitters, a shaky voice, or insomnia the night before. How do you deal with this? Learn how to tend to your body.

Body scan meditation can be a great practice for relaxing the body. For this reason, it may help with relaxation before the talk or getting to sleep the night before. Exercise or some form of movement, including a short walk, can help you ditch the last minute jitters. Grounding practices, where you notice the sensation of weight and stability, may help you maintain composure during the talk itself.

Conclusion

The common thread running through all of these practices is to accept and allow the bodily experiences that arise rather than judging yourself for them. These practices may not guarantee that you won’t have any nervousness when you talk, but they can help you avoid compounding the nervousness with self-judgment.

Anxiety is a real and painful experience. These five tips aren’t intended to present the illusion that anxiety is easy to manage. They are offered, however, to show that learning to take aspects of anxiety piece by piece can make it more manageable. These strategies have helped me many times and I hope they help find success and fun in your next speaking engagement.

Want to try a meditation practice that can help with performance anxiety? Check it out here.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

How to Become a Thought Leader When You Have No Followers

A cover image for a blog post entitled How to Become a Thought Leader When You Have No Followers

I have had a very busy couple of weeks. Fortunately, that business has been almost all good. I have had several talks and presentations over the last few weeks, which included all of my favorite things: mindfulness, writing, stress management, and leadership. I have also had some articles publish which I have not yet had an opportunity to share, but will soon. The bad news, however, is that I didn’t have time to write a blog post for the week.

Then I realized that I was maybe being too restrictive. It finally donned on me that one of the talks I am scheduled to give would make a pretty good blog post. I was asked to give a Ted-style talk on the topic of “leadership” for the Federation of Defense and Corporate Counsel. Given how much I love writing, I decided I would write about “thought leadership” and specifically how I came to it.

The talk traces my story from starting with little writing experience and only a couple hundred followers on LinkedIn to becoming a speaker, author, and blogger. And, of course, it shares how meditation was at the origins of it all. If you are interested in writing, business development, or the power of mindfulness, check out a print version of it here:

­­What is thought leadership?

I’m here to talk to you this morning about thought leadership. This sounds really impressive. Forbes defines a thought leader as “a person who is specialized in a given area and whom others in that industry turn to for guidance.” Wow. Kind of a big deal.

Am I a thought Leader? Here’s why.

Am I a thought leader? Did they get it right when he asked me to give this talk?

“Thought leader” is not a word I generally use, but if you twisted my arm I would admit that this definition fits me for certain topics. I’m practicing at a great firm and have demonstrated expertise in my field. I have an established blog and thousands of followers on LinkedIn. I teach mindfulness and compassion in addition to practicing law and raising a family. I give talks and present seminars on mental health, stress management, and more on a regular basis. And I have written two books with more on the way.

Started out a nobody.

When I started, though about 6 years ago, I was a nobody. I was the most junior partner at a small firm in Kentucky. My practice was focused, so I didn’t work with a ton of people. I’m an introvert and assumed for a long time I would never be a rainmaker. And I was the mom of two young girls and didn’t have a lot of expendable time and energy to invest to change this.

An image with a quote about how meditation can help lawyers generate ideas and create content to support thought leadership

Hidden advantage.

But I had one hidden advantage. I thought way too much. You may be wondering how on earth this could be an advantage. For years, it was a huge liability. Overthinking kept me anxious, stuck, and at times spiked into intense depression. Eventually, though, I learned how to harness this power.

My mental health needs forced me to try meditation. When I did, I got distance from and clarity about my thoughts. Many of them, to be sure, were garbage to discard and ignore. But some were ideas for writing. So I started writing to get the thoughts out of my head.

Writing progression.

I wrote articles for trade magazines, then blog posts, and then LinkedIn posts. In doing this, I learned that publishing my thoughts was the only way to let them go. The thoughts always kept coming, so I kept going. I kept writing and eventually realized I needed my own place to write whenever I chose. So I founded my own blog where I publish one post a week. By the end of the first year, I was ready to write my first book. After 3 years, I have written nearly 200 posts in addition to many other resources.

Early doubts and why I got started.

All the while, I had doubts. I was afraid that nobody would care. I was afraid all my efforts would be for nothing. The urge to write, though, was powerful and usually won out over these doubts. But more importantly, I had something to say.

I knew that there was a need for a change in the legal profession. Too many lawyers struggle with mental health and feel like they can’t get any relief or support. Even when mental health challenges are absent, I knew all too well how perfectionism, self-doubt, and overreliance on control could impede lawyers from happiness and doing our best work.

So I started writing about leadership, writing, networking as an introvert, being a working mom, mindfulness, and mental health. I just started offering ideas about what might help others and what had helped me.

Early impediments.

Of course, I was afraid of what people might think. At the beginning, I was not an experienced writer and had not developed my voice. I was a still young lawyer and wasn’t sure it was my place to put my ideas out there. And nobody else in my firm or even my local community was sharing content like mine on social media.

Humility and struggles.

One thing that helped me move forward, though, was to lean into my humility. Rather than act like I had it all figured out, I often shared my struggles. Sometimes I shared things that at a certain time in my life had made me feel ashamed. I wrote about my anxiety, I shared stories about struggling with loneliness and managing anger, and I have been pretty open about my experiments with Dry January to help me manage alcohol.

Afraid but the “why” pushed me along.

Every time I shared something like this, I was afraid of what people might think but I did it anyway because I knew I wasn’t alone and thought it might help. I knew what it was like to feel anxious all the time, out of control of one’s thoughts, and always stressed out or depressed. What I wanted more than anything was for others, not to feel how I had felt. I especially wanted this for my fellow lawyers who make it our life’s mission to serve other people. So if something I wrote could reach someone, resonate with someone, or give them a good resource, then it was worth it to me.

Despite all the fears on the front end, I felt nothing but pride and validation after sharing these stories. Any shame I had felt about my experience melted away when I could acknowledge it simply as a human experience. To my surprise, people reached out to say that they appreciated what I had shared. People told me that they thought I was brave.

Setbacks.

Now, this isn’t every time. Sometimes my posts would bomb. Sometimes nobody cared. But by then I had developed enough self-compassion to not take these things personally. I knew how to take care of any feelings of disappointment, and I remembered that I didn’t start writing for anyone’s approval. Instead, I had started writing because I loved it and had something to say. So I took breaks when needed but then got back to it.

A quote about leadership and being a thought leader for lawyers

Payoff.

As it turns out, it was worth it for many other reasons I could never have expected. When I started sharing content, at first nobody cared. After a while though, people started following me. Then people started reaching out to tell me they liked what I had to say. Then people started inviting me to speak and write more.

Over time, I made some real friends and connections. People referred me work. They looked to me as a resource and sought my input. They invited me to join and become active in networks, like this one, and most recently one friend I gained through with my writing even invited me to join her law firm.

Not a nobody anymore.

Now, I’m not a nobody anymore. Now, I see that I never was. I was a quiet and thoughtful lawyer who sometimes saw things differently from others around me. For years, I thought this was what was wrong with me. I was convinced that this trait is what would hold me back. And it did until I started using it. By putting my copious thoughts to use, I learned my overthinking was the gift I could offer to the world and the profession.

Can you lead without followers?

So, how do you become a thought leader when you have no followers? First, stop thinking about followers. Start instead with the thoughts. What thoughts are you going to offer? What can you say that nobody else can? Or said differently, what is something so important to say that you are willing to take a risk?

That’s the thing. Leadership is not about followers. Leadership is about accountability. It’s about a vision for something better and the willingness to take responsibility to make it happen.

Final advice.

I don’t care how many followers you have or how impressive you are. If you say something authentic, helpful, honest, and kind, you are not a nobody. Instead, you may have a gift that the world and our profession really need.

Get started. Trust yourself. Trust other people (at least some of the time). Use your gifts, whatever they are and even if you never saw them as gifts before. And then see what happens.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Washam’s Spirit of Harriet Tubman Is a Story You Know Told in a Totally New Way

Cover image for blog post Washam's Spirit of Harriet Tubman Is a Story You Know Told in a Totally New Way

It’s Black History Month, so you are bound to see articles or social media posts about Harriet Tubman. Most of us learn in elementary school that she was the most famous conductor of the Underground Railroad. I was an adult, however, before I learned the full extent of her heroism.

Not only had she endured the physical hardships of slavery, including a devastating head injury early in life, the loss of her family while in bondage, and escaped to find her freedom. That would be heroic enough in itself. Harriet Tubman, though, went back to the south more than a dozen times. At first she went to locate and free her relatives. Then she returned to assist others. And during the Civil War, she returned again to assist the Union, both as a spy and a leader of military operations.

When I learned the full scope of Tubman’s story, the emotion I recall feeling was nothing short of awe. To say her story was courageous is an understatement. Awe is a better word to describe my reaction because I could not understand the level of courage she displayed.

An image of Harriet Tubman with facts about her life and work

I could understand Tubman’s escape. As a mother, I could understand Tubman’s impulse to free her loved ones. Tubman’s willingness to continue to put herself at risk for others, so many others, was what was hard for me to understand.

Last year, a book written by meditation teacher, Spring Washam, helped me understand this better. In The Spirit of Harriet Tubman: Awakening from the Underground, Washam traces the story of Harriet Tubman in a way I had never experienced before.

Washam is not just a meditation teacher; she’s a spiritual teacher. In addition to Buddhist meditation practices, Washam also has studied shamanic traditions. Thus, in Spirit, Washam does not merely tell Tubman’s story. She channels it. This is to say, Washam tells the story as if she is channeling the spirit of Harriet Tubman.

I have written before that I tend to be pretty practical and down-to-earth. I struggled early on with meditation because I was always skeptical and on guard against anything woo-woo. When I first began reading Spirit, I struggled mightily with the idea that Washam was claiming to “channel” a great figure from American history.

An image with a quote about courage and compassion

After a while, though, I let go of my concerns about whether this was a literal truth. How many classic poems have I read in which the author claims that the words were guided by the muse? How many times have I, as a writer, felt like I didn’t fully control the writing process? Even if I wasn’t sure Washam truly channeled Tubman’s voice in a supernatural sense, I saw enough truth in what she meant to keep reading.

As I did, I felt my resistance fade because I was so immersed in the story. The experience of a firsthand account is just different, even if it is aided by a literary device like the one Washam employed. Despite my early skepticism, reading the book felt a bit like it was being told by Tubman herself. I could feel, to the extent any reader could, what Tubman had felt and understood what she might have thought. By the end of the book, Tubman’s courage made a lot more sense to me.

Why? It made sense because I stopped trying to make it rational. In many cases, courage is not a logical thing. Similarly, compassion doesn’t always make sense. Both of these things require us humans to be present with or go willingly towards suffering, risk, and difficulty.

In such situations, our brains and bodies may be screaming for us not to proceed. The reason that humans can go forward in such situations, therefore, is likely not going to be a purely logical one. Instead, it is far more likely to be one motivated by the heart. In this way, Washam’s decision to channel Tubman’s story may be the only way us humans could understand it for what it really means.

An image with a summary review of Spring Washam's Spirit of Harriet Tubman

What I also liked from Washam’s telling, though, was that she incorporated some of her own story and the story of modern life into the book. This helped me as a reader be more than temporarily inspired by Tubman’s story. Instead, it helped me consider the ways in which I could be braver, more expansive, and look for opportunities to help others in my own life and community.

Those reading for Black History Month may be reading to learn more about history, to be better citizens, or to broaden their perspectives. Even if you already know Tubman’s story, Washam’s book will do all of these things. It will also challenge you because it calls you to do more than be inspired by Tubman’s story.

Instead, The Spirit of Harriet Tubman asks you to live a piece of American history from the perspective of one of its greatest heroes. If you give the book a chance, it might change your understanding of courage and expand your capacity to demonstrate it in your own life.

If you want to cultivate courage in your meditation practice, check out our Courage Guided Meditation. In this practice, you can can sit in the presence of loved ones and others working to achieve a common goal, which may include historical figures. You can access the practice on Insight Timer or on YouTube here:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How to Train Your Mind While Training Your Heart

Cover image for blog post How to Train Your Mind While Training Your Heart about incorporating mindfulness into your exercise routine

I talk a lot about meditation practice on this blog, but meditation is not the only way that you can cultivate mindfulness and compassion. Research is now beginning to emerge that is showing benefits from shorter and shorter increments of meditation. We are also starting to see some evidence of benefits from “informal” mindfulness or compassion practices.

For lawyers short on time, this is good news. As I well know, we don’t always have a 20 or 10 minute block of time to sit and meditate. But, if we are creative, we may find a few spare minutes here and there to sneak in a little bit of deep breathing. Even when this is hard to come by, we may learn some in the moment practices that can help us stay calm and collected or remember to be kind to ourselves.

One of my favorite ways to do this is to incorporate mindfulness and compassion practices into my workout routine. This may sound a little cumbersome, but I already shared a post from a lawyer who built a meditation practice this way. In addition, a recent review of more than 35 studies indicated that mindfulness and exercise might offer unique mental health benefits.

So how can you do this? Here are a few options.

1. Try Yoga or Somatic Workouts.

If you feel totally lost with the idea of integrating mindfulness and cardiovascular exercise, you might be pleased to know that some workouts are specifically designed to do this. Most yoga classes cue participants to notice their breath and pay attention to how their body feels. In general, the best yoga teachers also encourage modifications and self-compassion throughout practice. This is one reason people sometimes call yoga “moving mindfulness”.

Not all yoga is calm and restorative either. Some classes, including power yoga, will include cardio, interval, or even strength training. Along the same lines, somatic workouts like The Class will push your physical limits while cuing you to notice (and if possible release) thoughts and emotions that arise as you move.

An image with summary of a study showing benefits from incorporating mindfulness into exercse

2. Watch Your Breath.

I have enjoyed group fitness in the past, but right now I am all about my Peloton especially Power Zone training on my bike. These rides often call for me to hold a moderate to difficult effort for a period of time. As a meditation teacher, it didn’t take me long to realize that this was a great time to notice my breath.

Doing so often helped me modulate my breath so that I could stay steady during tough intervals or quickly recover when I had a respite. This helps me stay present for the difficulty rather than mentally retreating into anxiety or stress. In many cases, I have found that this makes the experience more enjoyable because it helps me remember that hard work much of the time can be fun and feel good.

3. Listen to Your Body.

I have an Apple watch which monitors my heart rate as I work out. From lots of experience, I have a good idea of my typical range for easy, moderate, and challenging cardio work. One thing I like to do, though, is to remind myself not to panic as my heart rate increases.

Instead of just watching the numbers, I also note how I feel as I am working. I am regularly surprised at how good I feel even when my heart rate is high. I am also regularly surprised to watch my heart rate stabilize or even come down even when my effort doesn’t slow down.

Another way I have done this is to pay attention to my posture. It is very easy to begin slumping or hunching over when you begin to breathe hard. I have trained myself to watch for this so that I can ensure a clear airway for my breath. When I remember to sit up and soften my belly so I can breathe again, things get a little bit easier.

Clearly, I can’t entirely control my heart rate or how I tolerate any given workout. Paying close attention to what my body does during a workout can help me manage my experience better and prevent my anxious mind from taking over.

An image with a quote about the value of incorporating mindfulness and self-compassion into exercise and fitness

4. Monitor that Inner Attitude.

Lots of people exercise because it helps quiet their minds. I am no exception and I certainly think that exercise can help when your mind is getting chatty. Even so, if there’s anything that can get my inner critic going, it’s feeling physically uncomfortable.

A good cardio workout is designed to make me feel physically uncomfortable. If I am having a hard time, it’s not uncommon for my mind to turn negative with complaints about the situation or criticisms of my performance. Guess what? This is not helpful at all.

Over the years, I have started to monitor for the early warning signs of this creeping negativity. If it starts to show up, I first try to be kind to myself by managing my situation by taking a drink of water or adjusting my position or rate of exertion. This often is enough to keep the nasty inner voice from distracting me from my mission.

5. Practice Courage and Compassion.

Even when managing my experience isn’t enough and the workout just sucks, I still have found a way to make the best of the situation. This is because the workouts where I am on the struggle bus are the best ones to practice courage and compassion.

On one particularly challenging ride with tough long intervals, I used every self-compassion strategy I could. I acknowledged my feelings of discomfort by saying “this is hard” but followed it up with “but I can do it.” I considered the meaning of the work and remembered why physical fitness mattered to my life. I even did tonglen practice, where I breathed in the hard feelings and breathed out relief and sent to the other people doing the ride.

Does this seem a little silly or overwrought? Maybe. I certainly laughed at myself afterwards but I also celebrated because I made it. But, if you think about it, sometimes physical sensations (our emotions) can be the biggest impediments to showing courage and compassion when they are needed most. Practicing these skills when the stakes only feel intense may actually be an ideal way to practice them so they are ready when you really need them.

An image showing 5 ways to incorporate mindfulness into your exercise or fitness routine

Conclusion

In an ideal world, all of us would have the time to meditate and work out regularly if not daily. Though most of us don’t live in an ideal world, we may be able to get the best of both worlds in our workouts. With a few small adjustments, you can incorporate informal mindfulness and compassion practices in your exercise routines. With these tips, you can train your mind and heart at the same time.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Join the Meditation for World Peace on Sunday Evening

There is a lot going on in the world right now and it can be overwhelming. As I have written before, one thing that helps me in times of overwhelm is to connect with my community. It helps to remind me that I am not alone and that I have power to make a difference, even if I can’t fix everything.

For this reason, I am grateful to have some friends who believe the same thing. Last year, my friend Tahmina Watson invited me to participate in a meditation for peace after the news reports of devastation in Palestine began to emerge. I was grateful for the invitation because guiding meditation with a community is a truly special gift. I was also glad to be able to offer something good during that time.

Unfortunately, the situation in Palestine continues to emerge and every day brings us news reports of other problems and conflicts in the United States and around the world. The need to gather and sit in peace still exists because the need to go out into the world with kindness is so critical.

That is why Tahmina and her friend, Jigna Patel, decided to expand the meditation for peace that happened only once last year into a series of meditations, running from January to March. This Sunday, February 4th at 6 PM EST, I will be guiding the session. I have decided that an expanded version of my “Look to the Helpers” Guided Meditation is most appropriate.

This practice is derived from loving-kindness practice, but is truly intended as a practice in self-compassion. The practice is about regaining strength to continue facing the world and doing good work by connecting with common humanity, an essential element of self-compassion.

Anyone can join the practice on Zoom here at 6 PM PST/9 PM EST on Sunday evening. If you cannot join, however, a shorter version of the practice I am offering is on YouTube. Additionally, Tahmina and Jigna will share all of the meditation practices at the Meditation for World Peace Podcast.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

A Few Breaths Really Can Make a Big Difference

Cover image for blog post explaining why a few breaths can make a difference for lawyers

“Take a breath” they say. The world is crashing down. You are filled with anxiety/rage/existential dread/fatigue or a combination of them all. And they have the audacity to tell you to take a breath. Really? Are they–those unspecified hobgoblins who clearly don’t get it–even in touch with reality?

Look, I get it. I have been on the receiving end of the “take a breath!” comment in the midst of high emotions. It was far more likely to induce me to take a swing at the person who uttered it than to help me calm down. Nonetheless, it is good advice. (Though I must also add that not giving advice to someone experiencing the throes of high emotions is also good advice.)

Sorry to be annoying in this way, but a few breaths really can make a big difference. Here are a few reasons why.

1. 5 Deep Breaths = A Minute

Have you ever paid attention to how long a deep breath takes? By a deep breath, I mean a breath where you fill up the lungs, pause for a beat, empty the lungs, and pause again? Try it and time yourself. It probably takes somewhere between 5 and 10 seconds.

You don’t have to be a math whiz to realize that this means 5 breaths is equivalent to about a minute. When it comes to calming down, easing back, or taking a break, a minute can be a game changer. If you bring the breath tally up to 10, you are in the 2 to 3 minute range. In my book, that’s a full blown meditation.

The point here is that 5 breaths is not nothing. It’s a meaningful chunk of time when used strategically in critical situations.

An image explaining how a few mindful breaths can help lawyers manage stressful situations

2. The Breath Is the Link Between Body and Mind

How can a few breaths have an impact so quickly? As I have written before, the breath is the link between body and mind. Our breath is literally linked to our nervous system. It is the only non-chemical way our brains can consciously modulate our nervous systems.

Thus, if time is short or quick stability is needed, noticing the breath is the most direct route to managing emotions. We can’t always have perfect control over this in difficult times but with practice we can learn to slow down or disrupt an emotional chain reaction. This can give us more agency to care for ourselves and maintain stability in difficult circumstances.

3. Emotions Don’t Last Long

Now you might be thinking, “there’s nothing magical about the 1-3 minute range.” If so, that’s understandable but it is overlooking something.

Did you know that emotions, at least the physical experience of them, only last about 90 seconds in the body? One reason why meditation can be so impactful is that it helps us watch this play out.

Not only can pausing and sitting with emotions help us see that they quickly shift from one emotion to another. But also watching emotions helps us see that they are often short-lived when we don’t let them mix too much with protracting thoughts.

What on earth are we to do while waiting for this 90-second bout of physical intensity to subside? Ahem, allow me to suggest 5 to 10 deep breaths. Now do you get my drift?

An image explaining that emotions don't last long which is why a few breaths can offer meaningful help

4. Just Pausing Can Help with Overwhelm

So what about the times when you are so overwhelmed that you can’t even identify emotions in your body? This, I know, is one of the worst experiences to have.

Overwhelm happens when you encounter something difficult and you feel like you don’t have the support, resources, or personal fortitude to survive it. Obviously, calming down, reassessing, and reconnecting with sources of strength is essential. But before you can do that you have to get your bearings.

In my experience, overwhelm usually calls for an initial pause. When things are tough, taking a moment to come back to your body and reestablish some calm can help. Complicated practices are a challenge here because you may not have the presence of mind to use them.

This is why so many people swear by box breathing or other pranayama strategies. They are simple and effective and can be a link back to reality and yourself. In the same way, remembering to take just a few breaths can help you deal with overwhelm.

5. A Few Breaths Can Grow Into More

And the final reason that a few breaths really matters? You don’t have to stick to just a few breaths. Ten years ago, I started meditating at 1 to 2 minutes a day. Over time, I gradually increased the time I could spend sitting.

A few breaths can make a world of difference in tense times, but as you get more comfortable those few breaths can serve as a foundation for further practice and exploration. You can learn to sit for longer periods, you can try other transformative practices, or you can incorporate breathwork into your physical fitness routine. In themselves, a few breaths can make an impact but honing the skill of connecting with the breath can support you in myriad other ways beyond momentarily calming down.

I’m sorry if this post was annoying or kind of basic. If there’s anything meditation can teach us, though, it’s that basic things are often true and can be impactful. The breath is one of those things and a few breaths really can make a big difference.

If you want to test this theory, check out our 5 and 10 breath meditations here or on Insight Timer:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Andre 3000 Is My Fav New Spiritual Teacher

Cover image for blog post about the new age album from Andre 3000 which is great for meditation

I was in college in the early 2000’s. Outkast was such a big deal at that time that it was almost impossible to walk into any campus community space without seeing their videos on TV. I’m not a visual person but the image of the iconic video from “Hey Ya!” playing on the TV in the student gym is burned in my mind.

Outkast was a rap group, but that video and song made it abundantly clear that the group’s constituents, Big Boi and Andre 3000, weren’t overly concerned with genre. Given this, I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised by Andre 3000’s latest album but I admit that I absolutely have been.

If we had to put Outkast and Andre 3000 in a genre category, the best categorization would probably be rap, right? Well, what kind of album did Andre just release? A new age flute album entitled New Blue Sun.

This is not a joke, but when I first read about this I swear that I grinned from ear to ear. I wasn’t laughing at Andre. Far from it, I was elated for him. It appears that he became somewhat obsessed with the flute, started doing pop up concerts, and let himself play enough to generate an entire album.

An image with a quote that discusses how spiritual matters cannot always be predicted

New age is not my normal genre, but I decided to give New Blue Sun a listen during my meditation sessions. The titles alone made the experience worthwhile. The first track is called “I swear, I Really Wanted To Make A ‘Rap’ Album But This Is Literally The Way The Wind Blew Me This Time .”

I’m not a musician. At best, I am an avid car/shower singer and a failed pianist. As a writer, though, that title spoke to me so deeply. How many times had I sat down to write one thing only to see some other totally different thing emerge? And how many times had I come up with something great just because I let myself play and have fun?

I am here to say that New Blue Sun is one of those great things that comes from having fun. Unlike some of Andre’s prior work with Outkast, I would say it fits squarely within the new age genre. It’s all instrumental and the vibes are similar to what you’d get from artists like Enigma, Enya, or Deuter.

But what I like best is that you can hear Andre playing with sound. Flute is present on most tracks, but it is used in so many ways you may not always realize it is the sound from a flute. You can also hear other sounds blended in throughout, such as shells rattling.

An image with a recommendation for meditation music from Andre 3000's album New Blue Sun

Though the tracks have a feeling of being random, Andre’s skill with sound is apparent. The tracks come together in the end to create a cohesive whole and convey an emotion. The changing quality of the tracks, however, is what I like best.

Because so many varieties of sound, rhythm, tone, and mood are used in each track, the album is perfect for meditation. The music in general is calm and introspective, but the shifts and changes help keep your attention.

In fact, my favorite track for starting a meditation session is “Ninety Three ‘Til Infinity And Beyonce.” That track starts with beats perfectly synced up to box breathing and enables deep relaxation in less than 3 minutes.

Does New Blue Sun signify that Andre 3000 may defy expectations entirely by venturing beyond the bounds of music into the world of spiritual teaching? I don’t know. Rumors are that a new Outkast album may happen first and I personally can’t wait to see what might come from that.

In truth, I don’t expect Andre 3000 to start a profile on Insight Timer any time soon or to become the next Oprah. But his album teaches a spiritual lesson for many lawyers out there and anyone who wants to live a creative life.

An image with a review of Andre 3000's spiritual and unique music in New Blue Sun

The lesson is that sometimes you can’t predict where the wind will blow you. You can’t control what comes out when you start to make things. This can be scary and frustrating, but it can also be worthwhile. New Blue Sun shows us it is possible to see beyond the expectations set by others and ourselves. And when we do something totally unexpected but also good can emerge.

As I start my new year in a new law firm, I for one am thrilled to have Andre 3000’s New Blue Sun as an example of the beauty can emerge when you learn to just play with life.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media: