Should You Enjoy Your Meditation Practice?

The other day, I made an audacious comment on social media. I posited that one “can and should enjoy meditation.” Now, this was on Threads, a platform with character limits. It was in response to someone else’s post about struggling with practice. When I made it, I assumed the comment was a pretty basic thing to say.

Despite my experience with social media, I was surprised when people responded to this with hostility. One person used actual profanity and another responded with a video, presumably to tell me I wrong.

The real issue here was probably that social media is not the best forum for clear communication. Even so, these surprising interactions got me thinking. Is it okay to enjoy your meditation practice? I think so. No longer shackled by character limits, I will explain why.

Expectations in Meditation Can Be Dangerous

The commenter who sent me the GIF of a meditation teacher telling me I was wrong had this point to make: looking to enjoy your meditation practice is often problematic. Meditation can lead to a reduction in stress, a more open mind, and heart, and many positive life changes. But it does so when we let it teach us.

Looking for meditation to be a certain kind of experience often blocks this. One of the biggest benefits of meditation is seeing things, ourselves, and the world clearly. It’s hard to see things clearly when you have a big goal in mind.

This is why, when I commented that one should enjoy meditation, I wasn’t saying that one should expect to enjoy meditation. Instead, what I meant was that if meditation becomes a regular part of your life, it really helps if you find something in it that you enjoy. In this way, it is good to be open to enjoying meditation practice while being watchful of expectations for your practice to feel a certain way.

Image with quote "Expecting your meditation practice to feel a specific way can lead to problems, but generally it’s a good thing to enjoy meditation."

Are You in Shape for Meditation?

The woman who reacted to my comment with hostility, I suspect, had a different problem. She expressed a lot of struggles with the practice itself. As I have written before, this can happen for a variety of reasons.

People new practice may have to build up a tolerance for it. I started at 1 minute day and even then found all the thoughts and feelings I had been ignoring most of my life to be overwhelming. Over time, I had to learn a lot about letting go and responding to myself with kindness instead of judgment.

The other piece of this, though, is that most of us are not learning meditation in an ideal way. Many of us may be learning from apps, books, or guided meditations. This is what I did, so I don’t knock it. However, I can’t tell you how much easier the practice got when I began working with teachers and developed a good community.

If your practice is far from enjoyable, consider whether you are still learning and whether you could support your practice more.

Every Session Won’t Be Enjoyable

Although I generally enjoy my meditation practice, the truth is that I frequently don’t. Sometimes I space out and barely notice it. Sometimes it is painful, physically or emotionally. And sometimes I resist doing it because I don’t want to face what is lurking in my mind and heart.

After years of practice I now know that this is just life. I normally love working out, practicing law, being with my kids, and writing. Depending on the circumstances, though, all of those preferred activities can become painful.

In the times when meditation, or any other healthy habit, feels hard, I usually have to adjust, simplify, and give myself a lot of grace. For this reason, the surprising thing is that I often learn and benefit as much from the hard times as I do from the experiences that feel great. So, of course, every meditation session won’t be enjoyable. That’s life and it’s okay.

In General, Enjoying Meditation Is a Good Thing

After you establish your practice and work through the initial hurdles, I hope that your meditation practice becomes generally enjoyable. When you pay attention, meditation can feel pretty good. For busy people, it may be nice to just stop and rest for a while. In addition, breathing deeply and relaxing the body can feel nice.

But enjoyment matters for practical reasons too. Just like exercise, meditation can’t affect you in a positive way if you don’t do it. Life experience teaches us all that we are a much more likely to repeatedly do an activity we enjoy. This is what I really meant when I said one “should” enjoy meditation.

This wasn’t a rule. Instead, it was a remark on practical realities. Meditation is much more likely to invite you to practice if you find something about it that you enjoy. In general, then, it is a good thing to enjoy your meditation practice.

Image with quote: "Meditation doesn't have to be painful to be effective."

But What If You Don’t Enjoy Meditation?

Now, what if you have been meditating for a while and you don’t enjoy meditation? This is something that is bound to come up for most of us, but what can we do about it?

If this were me, my first step would be to see if I can identify the issue. Sometimes things like the time or location we practice, the physical set up for our practice, or the style of practice can be the culprit. Making adjustments or finding better ways to support ourselves can work wonders.

Perhaps a better option might be to work with a teacher or find a meditation community. Years ago, a five-minute interview with a teacher on a retreat told me it was time to loosen my grip on focus practices and shift to open awareness. That led to insights I had never had before and turned my practice into a respite rather than a battleground.

You can also consider taking a break from practice for a while, trying another mind-body practice, or brainstorming ways to make you practice a bit more restful and enjoyable.

Conclusion

Meditation is not an easy practice, but I believe it is something that can and should generally be enjoyable to do. Many sessions will be tough and we should all watch out for expectations that our practice produce only blissful experiences. With that said, enjoying practice is a good thing because it may motivate us to practice. In addition, learning that and how to enjoy a practice like meditation can teach us a lot about life and ourselves.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Mindfulness: A Force for Balancing Ego and Recognition

I was fortunate enough to receive an award this week. Of course, it was a wonderful experience for many reasons. Who doesn’t like recognition? As a mindfulness teacher, though, I couldn’t help but observe the impact of such recognition on my ego.

When it comes to mindfulness practices, many people assume that the practices require us to abandon our egos. This may be part of the reason why some, including lawyers, think meditation is woo-woo or not for them.

Of course, there is variation in how different teachers and traditions treat the ego. I, for one, don’t think the ego is the enemy in meditation practice or in life. But having meditated for more than ten years now, I also know the ego is not always our bestie either.

So, how can you find balance when it comes to your ego and how can mindfulness help? Here are the steps I took this week to check my ego but also embrace myself while accepting an award.

The Ego and Achievement Aren’t All Bad

If you meditate long enough, you inevitably will see times when your ego is out of control and creating problems for you. It may rage at you when things don’t go your way. It may push you to work extra hard for approval or achievements. It may encourage selfish or unkind behavior.

For many of us, myself included, meditation may have a moderating influence on these tendencies. It may help you see the times when you are becoming self-absorbed or striving too hard. Easing back from these habits of mind may help you build confidence, expand your perspective, and live a bit more selflessly.

But you don’t have to rid yourself of all striving and ego. Pursuing goals can lead us to great things and other wonderful people. It can ground us in our community and help us serve others. Meditation can help you tell the difference between these two extremes so you can stay on the middle path of pursuing good without losing yourself in the process.

Reflection on Growth Is a Good Thing

One great thing about awards is that they may cause you to look back and reflect on progress. I certainly had that experience this week because the award I got related to a program I did in high school. Clearly, this means that I had to consider some good and bad memories from my life.

Mindfulness practices can certainly help with this. Self-compassion can help us accept ourselves completely even in our times of human frailty. It can also help us see the ways that growth emerged for us, including the people who helped us and the experiences that changed us.

Noticing the ways our personality shifts and changes over time is perfectly consistent with meditation practice. One of the foundational principles of Buddhism that many meditators are bound to observe is the concept of not-self. Reflection upon receiving recognition may be another occasion to consider this.

Image with quote from blog post that says "we don't have to strive to rid ourselves of our ego with our meditation practice. As social beings, recognition is a human need."

Feel Real Gratitude

We have all seen one too many posts on LinkedIn that start with a hollow proclamation of being “humbled and honored” for some recognition. This trope, though, doesn’t have to be the norm. The truth is that nobody who gets an award or achieves anything big did it all on their own.

Getting a recognition is a time to feel proud of yourself, but it’s also a great time to feel truly grateful. This leads to another fundamental principle that meditation may help you discover: interconnection. If you earn a recognition, reflect on this fact. Identify the people who helped you and the ways that they supported you.

Take the time to reflect on what this meant to you. If you need help with this, check my Gratitude Guided Meditation on YouTube or Insight Timer. Then, if possible, share your feelings with them. By doing this, you are moderating the emphasis on yourself and broadening the focus to your community.

Put the Achievement to Use

Another way to expand a recognition outward is to use it for a good purpose. Frequently, award recipients get to make acceptance speeches. They may get other attention from their community or even the press. If you get a chance like this, put it to good use.

Your recognition could bring attention to a worthy cause or idea. It could also offer a golden opportunity to encourage others to get involved in the community. Or it could provide an opportunity to share a brief story that may touch people’s hearts or make them think in a new way.

If you want to avoid making an achievement all about you, then focus on your broader community even in accepting the recognition.

Keep Things in Perspective

Recognition and praise is something we all want. As such, it would be easy for anyone to get stuck in ego-driven rumination when recognition comes. This is where letting go becomes a necessity.

It is really nice to be recognized for hard work, longstanding dedication, or a job well done. After the recognition ends, though, life returns to normal. That’s why perspective matters. Awards might boost us up for a bit, but nothing boosts us forever.

When recognition comes, enjoy it and savor it but don’t get stuck in it. Feel good for a moment and notice how important recognition is for all of us. Then move on with life and look for opportunities to boost and recognize someone else.

Cover image showing the 5 mindfulness tips for managing your ego amidst recognition from the blog post

Conclusion

We don’t have to strive to rid ourselves of our ego with our meditation practice. As social beings, recognition is a human need. However, when recognition comes mindfulness can help us stay steady and use it as an opportunity to expand ourselves, rather than becoming self-absorbed.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How to Respond Mindfully to Nasty Emails

Cover image for blog post entitled responding mindfully to nasty emails

There are few things in life as satisfying as typing out a strongly worded email to someone who’s got it coming. Or maybe you have a colleague driving you nuts, so nuts in fact that you think a text message containing all your anger is the way to go.

As soon as you read these words, you probably see the error in this line of thinking. Yes, letting it all hang out in text or email may seem like a great idea at times. The moment we hit “send” on those messages, though, we are bound to feel something more akin to shame, regret, or even guilt.

Can mindfulness help us avoid this trap? Indeed, it can. Keep reading to learn how.

Why we need mindfulness when it comes to text and emails?

As I have written before, mindfulness is a faculty of mind for most humans. We generally don’t have to do anything extra, including special practices, to be mindful. With that said, when it comes to email and text, some extra help is frequently needed because those activities are so often mindless.

Consider how many text messages, personal messages, and emails you send in a given work day. If this number is large, and for most of us it is, then your use of these means of communication most likely is a habit. Habits aren’t bad, of course, but when there are habits there may be less conscious awareness.

Text messages and emails can be generated quickly and outside of the presence of the person with whom you are communicating. Doing things speedily rarely makes us more ethical. Less contact with others often implies less empathy and fewer options for establishing understanding.

What it means to respond to emails mindfully.

When I talk about responding to emails or text messages mindfully, I am talking about invoking the faculty of mindful awareness to support skillful communication. On a practical level, this means taking measures to counteract the risks stated above: slowing down the process, remembering our human connections, and choosing your response consistent with your values and ethics.

Here are five steps that can help you do this.

Image with a quote about why mindfulness is needed for responding to nasty emails

Mindful Step 1: Take a Pause

As noted above, emails and texts are dangerous because they are fast. They can quickly elicit emotion from us unless we have time to recognize it. Nasty emails and texts are likely to invoke the emotion anger, which often manifests as a burst of energy. One of the calling cards of anger, of course, is an urge to act immediately on that energy.

If you receive emotionally charged emails and texts, the first and best mindful step I can offer is to stop. Take a pause and, where possible, get away from your messaging device. Literally get up and back away from the computer or put your phone down. It doesn’t have to be for a long time. The point of this is to stop the chain reaction between your screen and your mind and body and give yourself a chance to choose your next step.

Mindful Step 2: Acknowledge Your Feelings

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: mindfulness is not just about being calm. Despite the common saying about sticks and stones, words absolutely can hurt us. They can even hurt lawyers and professionals who deal with shame triggers at work every day.

When you take a moment to pause, check in with yourself and acknowledge your feelings. This may show up with a multitude of thought reactions about the situation, the other person, or even yourself. It likely will also include the physical signs of emotion, including tension in your body, a faster heart or breath rate, or even heat in your face and neck.

You don’t have to make these things go away. Instead, you can note them in mindful awareness and offer yourself compassion for dealing with something hard.

Mindful Step 3: Get Help

This next step isn’t mandatory, but it may be a good option for challenging communications that are critical, recurring, or more deeply troubling. I’ve talked before about the “spotlighting” effect of empathy that can cause us to zero in on a particular person’s emotions. From experience, I know that this can happen with email and text communications.

One way to break out of this and get much needed perspective is to talk with a colleague. With this, I am not saying you need to ask the colleague to intervene in the communication. Instead, my suggestion here is to speak with a colleague as a sounding board to get a broader view and personal support.

I know many of us want to be independent, but I frequently check in with colleagues when dealing with difficult opposing counsel. It makes the experience less overwhelming and lonely. I also feel more confident that I am responding based on my judgment and not my resentment.

Image showing the five mindful steps for responding mindfully to nasty emails

Mindful Step 4: Invoke Common Humanity

Whether we like to acknowledge it or not, the humanity of the other person is present in all of our digital communications. I put this step next to last for a practical reason: it’s hard to recognize someone else’s needs when we are struggling.

Now, you may wonder about why you should care about the humanity of someone who just sent you a nasty diatribe via email? There are a few answers on this, but my best one is that it is usually better for everyone when we do so. Even from a very selfish perspective, most of us feel guilt and shame when we act in ways that are inconsistent with our values.

Email wars can cause us to forget basic values easily, but most of us want to to help and serve others in our work. Most of us do not want to harm and hurt others. A simple way we can do this is to remember that the person we are communicating with is a person with hopes, fears, dreams, and needs. Remembering that they are a person and not just an email or text troll can make it easier to choose our words wisely.

Mindful Step 5: Plan Your Response

This tip is less about drafting techniques than it is about the arc and meaning of your professional life. The plan I am talking about here simply means to ask yourself what your purpose with the communication is. This can raise deeper questions regarding your purpose in life, including at work, or your purpose with a particular matter.

It’s not necessary and it would be inefficient for you to expect crystal clear answers on these issues every time. Even so, asking yourself simply “what do I want here?” or “what purpose does this communication serve?” is a good start. Asking these questions is a way to reorient towards your values, meaning, and ethics so that it can guide your communication.

Conclusion

Copious and unpleasant digital communications are an unfortunate part of life for many lawyers and professionals. They can make our lives more stressful and pull us away from our deeper values. As with many things, an intentionally mindful approach can help. By slowing down, acknowledging our emotions and the needs of others, we can remember and reorient to effective communication that does not cause more harm. This can make our work lives better, less stressful, and more meaningful.

If you need a practice to help you go through these steps, check our our Guided Meditation for Responding Mindfully to Nasty Emails on Insight Timer or here:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

It’s Okay If You Meditate Just to Rest

I got up at 3:30 AM last week to catch a flight to New York City with my family. It was going to be a really long day. We had sightseeing and a Broadway show planned. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to sleep on planes, trains, or automobiles. Lucky for me, though, I had another plan: I knew I would be able to meditate on the flight.

Meditation is no substitute for good sleep.

Trust me, I am the last person in the world to try to convince you that meditation is a good substitute for sleep. The impetus for my own meditation practice was postpartum depression, in part induced by intense sleep deprivation while trying to breastfeed my newly born daughter. That experience taught me many things but the most important may be that sleep is a nonnegotiable for me.

Regardless, the reality remains that sleep is not always an option. As a lawyer, I frequently have deadlines or a hectic schedule that can affect sleep. Even when we make the best choices we can, insomnia happens on occasion for a variety of reasons beyond our control.

When sleep is not an option, meditation can help.

In times like these, meditation can really help. On days after a less than ideal night of sleep, I find that a few minutes of meditation really helps me. For one thing, closing my eyes helps them rest and can ward off headaches and tension in my face and neck. Reducing my heart and breath rate also helps my body recover from the extra strain of slogging through the day on limited sleep.

I won’t claim that 10 to 30 minutes feels the same as a good night’s sleep, but it is close to the benefits one might expect from a power nap. Unlike a nap (a luxury my body rarely lets me enjoy), meditation doesn’t leave me feeling groggy the rest of the day. To the contrary, meditating for a quick rest during the day often feels energizing.

Image listing 4 reasons meditation for rest is okay

Meditating for rest can improve your mood and mindset.

Even if I don’t get a big energy boost from meditation, it offers other benefits. Mediation will usually stabilize my mood and mind. This usually means less grouchiness and generally less conflict with any people I may happen to encounter. This can even include myself.

Many lawyers like me may have a habit of pushing past or through our own needs. Taking a few minutes to meditate for the express purpose of resting–instead of improving yourself or boosting performance–is an important recognition that your needs matter. Most of us need reminders like this every so often. When life throws you lemons with too much business or not enough sleep, you make lemonade by taking the opportunity to practice rest.

Conclusion

Some of us who meditate may think the practice has to have some noble purpose. I have a noble purpose for my meditation practice: I practice to create less suffering for myself and others. But, you know what? I am pretty awful at reducing suffering for myself or anyone else when I am tired. And I bet that I’m not alone.

This is why I say that it is okay to meditate just for rest. It’s okay to let go of your noble purpose and big goals, at least for a few minutes. It’s okay to rest your eyes and body and give your mind a break. If you try it out on a hard day, I bet you’ll find that this use of meditation is perfectly consistent with your nobler purposes for the practice.

If you want to try some Guided Meditations with the aim of rest of mind, check these out on Insight Timer or here on Youtube:

New Free Download: Coping Strategies Ebook

Cover image for blog post sharing free download, Coping Strategies for Difficult Time ebook

When I teach mindfulness, I try to remind people that it is more than coping strategies. For one thing, mindfulness is not a practice or a strategy at all. Mindfulness is a faculty of mind that most human beings have. In addition, mindfulness is not merely about coping. A big part of it is, instead, being with an experience as it is.

Even so, the reality remains that mindfulness practices can help us cope. Mindfulness isn’t a practice, but practices and strategies may be needed to help many of us (myself included) tap into it. In this way, one of the benefits that many people experience when they explore mindfulness practices is an increased ability to cope.

Coping Strategies Can Make a Difference

As a lawyer who deals with stress myself and represents officials who themselves face many stressful situations, I have seen firsthand how much better coping can mean. It can mean less fighting. It can mean less fear and angst. It also mean more creativity, better communication, and better results.

It’s an exceptionally hard time for most of us right now. This week, I will be speaking for two separate groups about stress management practices. Both groups specifically requested demonstrations of coping strategies. I endorse a holistic and long-term approach when it comes to stress management but I can understand the desire for in-the-moment coping strategies too.

What’s in the Coping Strategies Ebook?

To that end, I created the Coping Strategies for Difficult Times Ebook. It is an approximately twenty-page guide with practices offered to help you cope in difficult situations. It is divided into 5 chapters:

Using the breath;
Relaxing the body;
Opening the heart;
Dealing with overwhelm; and
When you feel fidgety.

Each chapter has simple practice that can be done quickly in the midst of a difficult situation. It explains why and how to use the breath to quickly regain calm. It also offers a quick practice for connecting with the body or offering yourself compassion when needed. The last two chapters have practices that are ideal for times of overwhelm or when movement is needed to cause a surge of energy.

The Best Coping Strategy Is Social Support

I offer this book as a simple resource that may offer some support in difficult times. This is not to say that one can or should be expected to cope with all life situations on one’s own. In case you are like me and struggle to ask for help, let this serve as a reminder. Social support is the very best coping strategy available. If you need or might benefit from the support of loved one or trained medical professionals, please give that gift to yourself.

How You Can Get the Coping Strategies Ebook

Getting the ebook is easy. You can find it available for download here. While you are there, you can check out our other downloads and resources and Guided Meditations too.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How to Meditate When You Can’t See Mental Images

If you aren’t a writer, artist, or meditation teacher, you may not have investigated how clear mental images are for you. I have long known that I am not a “visual person” but I didn’t realize how “not visual” I am until I tried to meditate. Mental imagery for me is, at best, hazy and short-lived and requires intentional effort.

Most people may not think this is a big deal, but I do because I am a meditation teacher and a writer. Anyone who meditates has likely come across some visualization techniques in meditation practice. Because I meditate, I am acutely aware of my own past struggles with these practices. I couldn’t avoid them entirely, however, because many heart practices, including my favorite loving-kindness, use some form of visualization.

This is why I looked closer at the issue and got training in neurodiversity-informed mindfulness to understand it better. Based on this, I have learned to modify my meditation practice to work around my inability to visualize. This post will identify the tips that worked for me.

1. Meditate on Your Mental Visual Ability

Did you know that there is a condition called “aphantasia” which refers to the inability to see mental images? If you haven’t heard of this, you aren’t alone. I had only discovered it recently myself. Aphantasia is not a mental disorder or something that necessarily indicates a health condition. Instead, it’s just a way to describe one’s relative ability to see mental images.

Image with a self-test for aphantasia that can help you identify how strong your ability to visualize mental images

Test Option A

The good news for all of us is there is a handy test for exploring your ability to visualize yourself. As the image here shows, bring an apple to mind. Consider how detailed it is. Can you see color, shape and details? How long does the image stay in your mind? How easy is it for you to hold it there?

Test Option B

Another way to consider this is to talk about it with others. I started to understand the impact of my mental visual ability better when I was training to teach mindfulness and compassion. After one guided practice, a classmate described an elaborate image of a butterfly with beautiful colors graceful fluttering wings.

Based on both categories of tests, I don’t have aphantasia but I know that I am pretty close to it. I can see images but they are glimpses at best and I have to work really hard to hold them in my mind. My mind would never generate an elaborate image of a butterfly even if I tried really hard.

2. Don’t Judge Yourself

You may have already guessed what I am going to say next. Yeah, that’s right, this is where self-compassion has to join the party. To be honest, I felt a little jealous when I heard my classmate talk about her beautiful butterfly. It sounded cool. I wished I could see it myself.

But, I avoided judging myself and not just because the course in which this discussion happened was about teaching compassion cultivation. When my classmate shared her story, it helped me share my own. I am not blessed with mental visualization but I have other strengths (as I’ll discuss below).

If I focused too much on my reactions of what I couldn’t do, I risked missing the chance to explore what I could do. Beyond this, it’s not like self-judgment or criticism would help. Thus, my advice when considering your own ability to visualize is to avoid judging yourself.

Image with a quiz that allows self-reflection of mental imagery, including how detailed, how clear and vivid, how easy it is to hold, and how long the imagery lasts

3. Meditate on Other Areas of Strength

If there was a test like the one above for the ability to detect physical sensations in the body, I would get high ratings. After I got comfortable with my body and learned to attend to it, I realized that my awareness of felt sensations is strong. I can note subtle differences in sensation, hold my attention on them for a long time, and this comes without effort.

Similarly, when it comes to verbal and auditory processing, I am pretty sensitive. My mind doesn’t think in pictures but words are ever present. Music affects me deeply and the auditory quality of words is a skill I rely on frequently in writing, public speaking, and crafting guided meditations.

This goes to show that a relative lack of ability in one area is not the same as a lack of ability overall. Even if you aren’t a visual person, you may have other strengths. Taking the time to identify other strengths may help you explore how to address a relative lack of visual ability.

4. Lean on Your Strengths as You Meditate

One approach for those of us who are not visual is simply to avoid meditations with visualization. For elaborately imaginative practices, I admit that this is generally what I do. This is not, however, my approach with for all styles of practice.

Because my ability to feel physical sensations is robust and comes easily to me, I have a come up with my own meditation hack. What this boils down to is that I don’t take the word “visualize” literally. When I am told to “visualize” something, I don’t force a mental image. Instead, I connect with the felt sense of something.

How to Visualize When You Can’t Visualize

For example, if I am told to visualize being outside on a nature walk, I don’t try to force images of grasses, trees, and the sky in my mind. Instead, I connect with the sensory and kinesthetic memory of walking in nature. I imagine the internal experience of walking in nature in terms of physical sensations.

If this sounds complicated, remember that physical sensation is easy for me. It may be complicated to describe in words but it is easy for me to do in practice. Even better,I can still participate in the meditation and get the same benefits all while doing it my way.

“Visualizing” Someone’s Presence for Loving-Kindness

I do something similar when it comes to loving-kindness. With that style of practice, the common instruction is to bring someone to mind and to allow that mental imagery evoke feelings in your heart area. For me, though, I cut out the middle man because imagery doesn’t help.

Instead, I bring someone to mind by name and connect with the felt sense of their presence. In particular, I may invoke a memory of how it feels to be in that person’s presence or I may notice the felt sense that emerges upon bringing their mind to name. Since loving-kindness practice includes consideration of felt sensations in the body, this style is fairly simple to modify for those of us who aren’t visual.

An image for modifications to meditation practice for those who don't see mental imagery or have limits in their ability to do so

5. Explore Other Options When You Meditate

My last point here is a simple reminder to keep exploring and being curious. I recently started exploring meditation with my eyes open and I was shocked to discover that it made mental images during meditation more vivid. I would have thoughts having content in my visual place would make inner visualizations impossible for me.

Upon investigation, though, I found that the opposite was true. Not only could I tell the difference between actual visual content and mental visual content, but also the mental visual content seemed more robust. What does this mean?

The big lesson here is that the procedures of your practice can influence your meditation experience. If you close or open eyes, listen to meditations or music, or sit or lie down, it very well may affect your inner experience. If you struggle with some aspect of practice or just get curious, it can be fun and eye-opening (pun intended) to see what a new mode of practice offers.

Conclusion

If mental imagery is not strong for you, it does not mean you can’t meditate. It doesn’t even mean that you can’t do meditations which include visualization. All of us are wired differently with various strengths and challenges. With self-compassion and curious exploration, you can learn ways to modify meditation practice even if visualization is not your strength.

If you would like to assess how visual you are, try this Guided Reflection. It will help you explore your capacity for visual imagery to your capacity for awareness of physical sensations. You can listen on YouTube here or on Insight Timer.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Lessons from My Lawyer Dad that Could Have Come from a Meditation Teacher

This post was originally published a couple of years ago. I read it again and it still rings true. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads of all kinds and father figures out there!

My lawyer dad doesn’t know a thing about mindfulness, but he’s still one of the best meditation teachers I have ever had. He’s steady, hard-working, kind, and decent. He’s not closed off to new ideas, but he favors tradition. In this way, he has rarely sought out new practices and approaches to help manage his life.

Dad worked as a lawyer for or with local governments his whole career and he loves things like procedure, budgets, and finance. As an introvert, he’s rarely the life of the party, but people listen when he talks because they know he thinks first. He was picked on in school because he grew up on a farm in a small town called Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, so he usually prefers not to stand out.

My Lawyer Dad Was Not into Meditation but He Taught Me Good Lessons

For these reasons, my dad would never seek out information about mindfulness and he has never tried meditation. Dad only knows that mindfulness has helped me quite a lot in my life and it makes me happy to teach and write about it.

You know what? That’s just fine. In the Pali canon, it is said that there are 84,000 doors to enlightenment. I take that to mean that we have options and various interconnected winding paths that can lead us to growth and fulfillment as long as we stay open to learning from what comes to us along those paths.

My dad doesn’t know a thing about meditation. Still, as one of my first mentors in life, he prepared me to benefit from it. Many of the lessons he taught me are similar to those I learned in my meditation practice or from meditation teachers. In honor of Father’s Day and to celebrate my lawyer dad, I am sharing them with you here.

Image with quote from the blog post about mindfulness and the importance of openness in family and professional life

1. Simple is good.

My dad’s favorite ice cream is vanilla. His favorite snack is saltine crackers. His beverage of choice: ice water. Sometimes he mixes things up but he usually keeps things simple. Sometimes this simplicity can be magical.

He makes the best fried chicken I have ever had anywhere and he doesn’t bother with the Colonel’s 11 secret herbs and spices. His recipe is just salt, pepper, and flour. That’s it.

In my years of meditation, I’ve adopted the same approach. I’ve tried lots of different styles and practices. Most of the time I just like to sit and relax into the silence. I’m so glad I learned early on from my dad that simple is good.

2. It’s okay to be quiet.

If you are a meditator, it helps if you have at least a decent relationship with silence. When I teach about mindfulness, people often ask me if I am naturally calm. I tell them, emphatically, that I absolutely am not. But I have one secret advantage: I love silence. Silence isn’t lonely to me. It’s peaceful. It makes me feel at home.

I’ve never had trouble with silence because my dad always liked it too. He often drove with the radio turned off. He would read for hours on end. In a world that constantly wants to make noise, my dad taught me that it was okay just to stop and be still. That’s perhaps the first lesson that any new meditator needs to learn, so thanks dad.

A quote about how meditation is a practice for life so there is no need to rush results

3. Don’t be a martyr.

I’ve written before about struggling after the birth of my first daughter because she was tongue-tied and I couldn’t breastfeed her. During that time, I remember my dad saying this to me:

Claire, you will have her whole life to make sacrifices for her. I don’t have any doubts that you will be willing to do that most of the time. You don’t have to try to make all the sacrifices all at once right now.

Achiever types like us lawyers love to set standards and meet them. That tendency can easily turn to martyrdom if we aren’t careful. It can also show up in meditation practice. So, remember this lesson from my dad: you have a whole life to practice. You don’t have to do it all at once. Trust that you will make the right choices as you go along and give yourself some grace.

4. Fear is a part of life.

My dad was a successful and respected civil servant with decades of experience. After he retired, he went into private practice, just a few years before I graduated from law school. I remember sharing with my dad that I was scared about business development and my dad gave me the best response possible: he admitted that he was scared of this too.

To see someone who had accomplished so much admit that he was afraid helped more than any pep talk that simply told me “you can do it.” It helped me understand that fear is just a part of life and it has nothing to do with your competence or chances of success.

As you start meditating, you may think that you “get over” or “advance beyond” difficult emotions. Not so in my experience. As human beings, we never get over things like this no matter how hard we work or how awesome we are. But, as my dad helped me see, fear is a part of life, but it helps when you can share it.

A quote from the blog post about how mindfulness can help us persist through disappointments and hardships

5. Don’t quit just because your ego gets bruised.

I loved basketball growing up and as a very tall kid I was pretty good at it. In high school, though, the competition caught up with me and my coordination and skill didn’t grow at the same pace as my height. I had an injury my sophomore year that benched me all season. My tryouts during junior year didn’t go well and, though I missed getting cut, I ended up on the JV team.

I was so ashamed that I was in a pit of despair for a week and contemplated quitting. My dad told me that I didn’t have to play but that I shouldn’t quit just because I was mad or felt embarrassed. He reminded me that basketball was a sport and was, you know, supposed to be fun.

I ended up deciding to play and had so much fun with the younger players. As team captain, I was able to be a leader in a way I never had before. That season was one of the best sports experiences I ever had because of this opportunity to lead.

In our meditation practice, we may get upset when we struggle because it hurts our ego when we find we can’t do it perfectly or advance as quickly as we’d like. Of course, if you can keep going, you may learn an entirely different lesson than the one you started out to discover.

6. Any moment can be a teachable moment.

I was a kid who asked a lot of questions. Deep questions, usually starting with the word “why.” It didn’t matter how out of the blue it was. It didn’t matter if my dad was cooking dinner or working in the yard. He didn’t skip a beat. He’d answer the questions and a lot of time throw some back at me to force me to think through the issue myself.

Lots of meditation teachers will tell you that any moment can teach you about yourself if you keep your mind and heart open. In the same way, my dad’s constant comfort with questions and unwavering willingness to teach showed me that any moment in my life could be a learning moment.

A picture wishing everyone a happy father's day

Though for many, meditation can feel strange at first and many may worry that the practice may change them. In my own experience, I have found that meditation didn’t change me but allowed me instead to connect more deeply with who I really was. This is why it’s no surprise that my dad’s wisdom and the wisdom from so many wonderful teachers lines up. I

f there are 84,000 doors to enlightenment, I am glad that I found one running to me that started on a farm in Rabbit Hash, Kentucky. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads, step-dads, foster parents, and father surrogates out there. Thank you for teaching us kids in your own way about mindfulness, meditation, and life.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Playfulness Is the Best Attitude for Meditation

There is a word that I have heard all the best meditation teachers say about meditation. As the title of this post would suggest, that word is “play.” On retreat and in courses, I have heard the teacher frequently offer some wisdom then encourage further study by suggesting we “play with it.”

When I first heard comments like this as someone new to mindfulness, my lawyer brain didn’t quite get it. I was looking for a direct path. I wanted clearer guideposts. Beyond this, I was trying to manage real life challenges, like stress, overthinking, and anxiety. How could playing possibly help me with problems like this?

Playing in meditation can do a lot of good.

Years of practice and training have changed my mind. In fact, cultivating a sense of play can in fact help you a lot. As I have written before, many of us lawyers and other type A people, innately may think that discipline and hard work is the way to go when we start meditation. I thought that too, but now I think that self-discipline is overrated when it comes to meditation.

I’m not the only who thinks this either. Thich Nhat Hanh, possibly one of the most beloved ambassadors of mindfulness in the modern era, famously reminds us to “smile” in life and meditation. Renowned teacher and psychologist, Tara Brach, does the same thing. Many of her meditations intended to release students from deep-seated emotional pain start with visualizing the image of a smile.

Even Shunryu Suzuki, author of Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind, tells us to bring an “effortless” quality into our practice. Though that book includes many reminders to be disciplined in posture and breath, it otherwise encourages us to relax and let meditation itself be “nothing special.”

Image with quote that says "Meditation is hard, so let your attitude be easy"

Why is a playful attitude important?

So why is play so important in meditation? One reason is that meditation practice is hard, or at least it can be. The practice is simple, but it often involves retraining our minds. As most of us know, changing habits is challenging and can take time.

If we go charging into meditation with big ideas of instant calm and a clear mind, most of us are bound to be disappointed. Trying the practice, instead, with an attitude of kind curiosity can inspire the desire to practice more. With this attitude, you can try things out, see what works, and what doesn’t.

On the other hand, though, a playful spirit also may help you avoid putting too much pressure on yourself. Pressure kills the curiosity and openness that allows for clear awareness and it certainly is not helpful for cultivating compassion.

An image defining what is meant by a playful attitude in meditation

But what does a playful attitude mean?

Now you may be wondering, what does “playfulness” even mean when it comes to meditation? For example, how would one know if their sense of play went too far and instead became silliness?

First, it’s important to note that I am talking about this idea in the context of meditation practice. Inherently, maintaining a meditation practice involves some level of discipline. The idea of play that I am describing doesn’t mean pure frivolity. It’s intended to counterbalance the habits of many of us lawyers to rely on discipline, rules, and force to achieve our goals.

When I talk about play in this article, what I mean is letting go of expectations. Play also includes forgiving yourself quickly for any mistakes or difficulty focusing. Having a sense of humor and adventure. And being open to joy when it arises.

How can you foster a sense of play in your meditation practice?

Learning to identify and cultivate a sense of play will likely take some time and experience. If you want to start exploring, here are a few strategies you can use to keep your practice fresh and light:

Make your meditation practice more enjoyable.
Identify your early signs of tension and striving.
Reflect on the value of joyful work.
Find a good community and supportive teachers.
Cultivate self-compassion and loving-kindness.

To explore the idea directly in your mindfulness practice, check out these guided meditations crafted to inspire play:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

New Confidence CLE for Lawyers Coming to Lawline

It’s kind of a trip that I now teach other lawyers and professionals about confidence. As I have shared several times here, I have struggled with anxiety, overthinking, and self-doubt for most of my life. I was shocked to find that meditation helped me gradually change these habits.

Over time, I changed how I thought about myself, related to the world, and accepted that risk was a part of a good life. Now, after building a law practice, launching a blog, writing some boks, and crafting a new and unexpected identify for myself as a meditation teacher, I feel pretty confident.

How mindfulness can help lawyers build confidence

How did this happen? What steps helped? What does mindfulness and compassion have to do with confidence? I will share all that and more in a CLE that I created by accident but quickly became my favorite to deliver. That CLE is Real Confidence: Essential Mindfulness Skills for Law Practice and Life. I’ll be presenting it live for Lawline, one of the largest online CLE providers, on July 10th at 10 AM EST.

How did I create this by accident? A few years ago, I was asked if I ever speak about “imposter syndrome.” I admitted that I had nothing prepared and delivered a session on compassion instead. In the minutes leading up to that event, I spoke with the organizers and imagined out loud how I “might” go about talking about confidence if I got the chance.

Image describing details of confidence and mindfulness CLE for lawyers coming to Lawline

Why I love this CLE about confidence for lawyers

Shortly thereafter, I was asked to speak to young lawyers and pitched that very same idea. The organizers loved it and so did the young lawyers in the audience. After doing the session, though, it occurred to me that all lawyers could benefit from this session. I soon got the opportunity and delivered it for a group of defense lawyers in Arkansas. To see how that went, check out the testimonial from Jamie Jones on my speaker page.

As I learned, this session is so fun to deliver because it’s practical. Despite our sometimes austere exterior, lots of lawyers struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome. The big secret I learned from years of mindfulness practice and training is that you don’t have to deal with all aspects of these conditions at once.

Instead, mindfulness practice helps you focus your attention in a specific way. This allows you to break fear and doubt into pieces and examine each with kind curiosity. Over time, you can learn strategies to manage anxious thoughts, deal with the physical symptoms of fear, and manage the emotions that come up as you do hard things.

How to participate in or watch the CLE

That’s what I will teach in the CLE and, to boot, you should get CLE credit in most states. Join me on July 10th if you want to participate in discussion, ask questions, or share strategies that worked for you. If you can’t make it live, though, you can always catch it on-demand later and contact me with your questions.

To get details or register for the event, check out the page on Lawline here. If you want to experience how mindfulness can support confidence immediately, check out some of these meditations here:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Mindfulness and the Life-Changing Magic of Opening Up

Focusing on progress with mindfulness practice is not without its risks. It is easy to get sidetracked from the daily work of practice by obsessing about one’s growth and all the benefits practice has bestowed. If taken too far, this could lead to frustration and impatience or, on the other hand, arrogance and malaise.

Even so, it is worthwhile from time to time to consider progress and growth. As a blogger, I have intentionally celebrated milestones whenever possible to maintain my own motivation. I started this blog on my own and, though it has certainly helped me develop community, the daily work of writing can be a lonely business.

A Confluence of Milestone Moments

For this reason, I was fortunate over the last few days to have a confluence of milestone moments. Much like the recent eclipse, the conjunction of all of these things lining up together made me stop and take notice. So what were these milestone moments?

The first one is that this is the 200th post on the blog. As my fav Peloton instructor might remark on a milestone ride, nobody does anything 200 times by accident. This is a meaningful recognition for me since most of my experience with this blog felt like an experiment.

I enjoy building things. I’m meticulous by nature and I am comfortable going step by step. When I launched this blog in December, 2020, though, I didn’t have a clear idea about what I was building. At the time, the blog was an act of celebration and an acknowledgement of how much I enjoy writing.

An image with a quote about milestones and making habits, including mindfulness, a part of your life

Celebrating 200 Blog Posts

All this time, I have managed the blog while raising two girls, managing a law practice, and teaching mindfulness and compassion. Given this context, managing to generate content consistently often felt like a game of keeping a helium balloon in the air. I had to keep tapping away or the balloon would fall.

In fact, for a period I let the ball drop so that I could focus on writing my first book. Getting to 200 posts feels good because I was able to get back in the game. I’ve often been worried that life would happen and my writing would stop. Now I see that my writing is part of my life.

A Blast from the Past

The next item that spurred reflection was not truly a milestone, but instead a blast from my past. In 2020, just a few months before I launched the blog, a woman named Janice Windt profiled me for her blog about working moms. In the post, I shared about my history with postpartum depression and how cultivating self-compassion helped me heal and thrive.

Janice reached out last week to check in because she was reactivating the series. I checked the old post and saw the date–August, 2020. I immediately recognized this as the time just before I became certified as a meditation teacher and launched the blog.

It was pretty fun to catch up with Janice and send her an update on all that has happened in the last four years. Sometimes we don’t know how small steps might affect our lives when we take them. It was nice to have a chance to think about how much can come from putting a little energy and time into a new idea.

An image with a quote about how big change can from putting time and energy small practices like mindfulness

Sharing My Story with Friends

The last milestone moment is my favorite because it was celebrated with friends. I got to deliver a dharma talk for my local meditation community this past weekend. For those who aren’t familiar, this is lecture about Buddhism in community, similar to a homily at mass.

Since I don’t profess to be a teacher of the dharma, this is not something I have ever done before. I usually teach about mindfulness or meditation practice and my talks are usually much more practical. With this talk, I got to share my story about the winding road that led me to become a meditation teacher.

I was nervous to give the talk since I had been only an occasional visitor to the community and wasn’t sure how someone with a variety of influences might be received. As I spoke, though, my fears vanished. The group was engaged and we had such good discussion afterward.

The Call to Help Others

And what do you suppose was the theme of my talk? It was called “Stumbling onto the Bodhisattva Path.” It was inspired by The Way of the Bodhisattva by Shantideva, a classical poem that is well worth a read and in-depth study.

A bodhisattva is someone who trains in mindfulness and compassion in order to alleviate the suffering of others. Many of us who are brought up in the Christian faith may hear this and think it is essentially a saint. The point of my talk is that helping others is more ordinary and available to us all than we may think. It can even come as a surprise on the journey of life.

An image with a quote about opening up to oneself through mindfulness and others can be life-changing

What does this have to do with opening up?

As I was driving home from the talk, I was feeling an emotion that was hard to identify. I left the radio off so I could sit with it without distraction as I drove. There was a sense of connection, satisfaction, and well-being. And the title for this post, a playful rif on Marie Kondo‘s famous work The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, popped into my mind.

Opening up can indeed by life-changing. To an overthinking, perfectionist introvert like me, it can feel like magic. Mediation helped me slowly learn to open up to myself. Then writing and teaching mindfulness helped me learn to open up to others. Both have had a huge impact on my life.

With this post, I am celebrating progress because hard work and dedication deserves a celebration. I won’t let this reflection distract me for too long from my daily work, though. The daily work of meditation, teaching, and writing is where I have found the connection that is my biggest reward.

An image thanking all the readers and followers of the Brilliant Legal Mind blog which offers teachings and resources on mindfulness to lawyers

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media: