Tag Archives: self-compassion

The Connection Between Mindfulness and Personal Boundaries

Blog post of women talking with title of blog post "The Connection Between Mindfulness and Personal Boundaries"

“Can you talk about setting boundaries?” I got this question during a presentation about mindfulness and compassion for a law firm last week. Though I did my best to answer it, this topic is one that took more time than I had during a webinar. As a result, the question stayed with me long after the presentation ended.

Boundaries are tough for many of us. They are especially challenging for lawyers and others in service professions. My answer when the question was presented to me was that mindfulness and compassion can definitely help with this. In this article, though, I will explain in more detail precisely how.

The Ways that Mindfulness Helps with Boundaries

Boundary setting sounds like a single-step process but it truly has multiple aspects. This means that our ability to set boundaries may require us to execute more than one task successfully. The other problem with boundaries is that they are by definition individualized. We can’t simply copy other people. Instead, we must learn through life experience what our needs are and how to ensure that they are met.

This is why mindfulness and compassion can help us set boundaries in the following ways:

  1. Supporting us in identifying personal needs;
  2. Helping us to explore the concept of interconnection;
  3. Cultivating clarity about what kindness and compassion truly are; and
  4. Building skill with being uncomfortable.

I’ll explain each one below in more detail.

1. Mindfulness and Identifying Needs

One of the reasons that boundaries can be hard to set is that we may be in the habit of overlooking our own needs. This is not a criticism but an observation of life. Lots of us are busy. Lawyers, caregivers, and others in service industries may be accustomed to focusing on the needs of others. For these reasons, it is quite easy to just not notice what you need.

Mindfulness practices can be transformational for this basic reason. The practices force you, at least for a few minutes, to check in with yourself. Inherently, meditation or other practices like yoga include noticing what’s in your mind, heart, and body. This clarity about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions is a foundational step to help you identify needs so that you can set boundaries.

2. Mindfulness of Interconnection

We live in a highly individualistic culture, so many people can get the idea that setting boundaries is about focusing only on themselves. I think this is a mistake for a practical reason. Despite the constant encouragement to think about ourselves, humans are social animals. We live in and depend on community to live happy and productive lives.

Mindfulness practices can help us get clarity about our rightful role in the world. As we pay attention to our own minds, bodies, and hearts, it is nearly impossible to avoid the social situations in which our feelings, thoughts, and emotions arise. Over time, this helps us see how connected we are to others.

When we pay attention to this interconnectedness, we build wisdom about the importance of honoring all human needs, including our own. Paying closer attention to these connections may also help us better understand what our essential needs truly are. Over time, this may help us develop more balance in navigating our own boundaries in relationship to others.

Image listing the four ways that mindfulness and compassion can help with setting personal boundaries that are shared in the blog post

3. True Compassion Respects Boundaries

Some people struggle with setting personal boundaries because they may think it seems selfish. Others may have the idea that kindness and self-sacrifice are synonymous. Regular mindfulness and compassion practice help us see that neither are really true.

As I have shared before, a regular mindfulness practice should include the four heart practices, including kindness and compassion. If you do these practices regularly, you will build clarity about what kindness and compassion truly are. Kindness isn’t meekness or consistently denying oneself. Compassion is not merely sacrificing oneself for others.

Instead, both of these traits and responses are premised on the idea that all people, including yourself, deserve to be healthy, safe, happy, and at peace. If you practice long enough, you will likely see that kindness and compassion flow much more easily and robustly when your own needs are met. In this way, practicing mindfulness may help you internalize the idea that compassion and kindness for others are compatible with and supported by setting personal boundaries.

4. Setting Boundaries Can Be Uncomfortable but Mindfulness Helps with That

Another practical thing that keeps many of us from setting good boundaries: it’s uncomfortable. Most of us, especially lawyers and others in service professions, don’t like to tell other people no. It can cause conflict. We may worry it will cause others to judge us. At a minimum, it can make us feel awkward and unsure.

This good news is that mindfulness practice can help with that. The bad news is that mindfulness helps because it often includes being uncomfortable. Most of us don’t want to sit quietly and watch our thoughts. Most of us don’t want to avoid moving when we have an itch on our arm. We don’t want to persist when our backs hurt or we are falling asleep or our minds won’t shut up.

When we can persist with these challenges, though, it builds patience, courage, and the skill of being with discomfort. Though I emphasize gradualism and self-kindness at all stages of meditation, I am the first to say that these skills are invaluable. If you can sit in meditation for a few minutes with a difficult thought or uncomfortable sensation, this means you can face the same things when they arise in a conversation about boundaries.

Conclusion: Mindfulness Builds the Skills We Need to Set Boundaries Effectively

In short, mindfulness and compassion practices help with setting boundaries because they cultivate some of the fundamental skills necessary for doing so. These include, identifying personal needs, clarity about kindness and our role in community, and the ability to handle discomfort. Of course, setting boundaries is something that we cannot do with meditation alone. With time, though, mindfulness practice can help us bring these traits into our lives so that we can set personal boundaries more effectively.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Managing Sleepiness in Your Meditation Practice

Image of sleepy woman trying to meditate with title from blog post "Managing Sleepiness in Your Meditation Practice"

Most people who meditate long enough will eventually face the problem of sleepiness. For those new to practice, it can actually be a good a sign. Sleepiness can signify that the body and mind are relaxing, which is a good thing.

Severe or persistent drowsiness, though, can create some problems. You can’t cultivate mindfulness or compassion in meditation if you can’t stay awake. I have been dealing with sleepiness a lot lately. In fact, I just went on a seven-day retreat and sleepiness was my biggest challenge.

Here are the things that I learned on retreat that helped me deal with sleepiness in meditation.

1. Identify the early signs of sleepiness.

Once full on sleepiness sets in, it can be nearly impossible to correct it. That’s why it helps to identify your early signs of sleepiness. These can be subtle, so it may take some trial and error. Even so, sleepiness happens at some point for all of us. This means that you are bound to get plenty of time to practice this.

The early signs of sleepiness may vary for us all. For me, though, I notice a lack of energy, tired eyes, and a general droopiness in my body. My shoulders might slump and my head might lean forward ever so slightly. If I am clear enough, I usually also notice mental haziness.

One of the clearest signs is a subtle ripple of energy that starts in my face and radiates down my body. When I notice this, it is like an alarm that tells me to immediately take some of the actions identified next to wake up.

2. Ways to Wake Yourself Up.

When you feel sleepiness come on, one or a combination of these steps may help you wake up.

1. Remove your sweater or blanket.

Temperature control is huge for meditation. To avoid sleepiness, a slightly cool room is ideal. Removing your sweater or blanket to cool your body down may help you wake up.

2. Sit or stand up.

It can be hard or even awkward at times to move during meditation. Sometimes it is the right call. If you are falling asleep when you practice, sitting or standing up can help. Walking meditation is always an option if you need movement to raise your energy levels.

3. Lift Your Head.

This one is subtle, but sometimes sleepiness happens because we unwittingly let our heads bow. This can block our airways slightly and may simulate our experience during sleep. Raising your head so your eyes are level with the horizon may clear your airway and wake you up.

4. Open Your Eyes

What do all sleeping people hate the most? They hate it when you turn on the lights. If sleepiness comes when you meditate, open your eyes. You may also consider practicing in a room with some light to keep yourself alert during practice.

5. Try breathwork

Many people think that the breath calms us down, but this isn’t totally true. It can also energize us. Focusing on the inhale during meditation may offer more energy. Using a pranayama technique briefly, like box breath, may force your mind to get active and wake you up.

6. Connect with Your Intention

Sleepiness in meditation is hard. It would feel so good to just succumb to the siren call of the impromptu power nap. Struggling through that temptation is rough. When this happens to me, I recall my intention for practice. I meditate daily precisely for moments like these. I want to build skills for navigating inner challenges with more grace and kindness. Remembering this usually helps me focus and wake up.

7. Shift to a more active style of practice.

I recommend keeping your daily meditation practice very simple, but it also helps to have a few options at your disposal. One reason is that some meditation styles are more active than others. Open awareness practice or even breath focus may induce relaxation and eventually sleepiness. Something more active, like body scan, noting practice, or even one of the heart practices may energize your mind and body.

Image listing 7 ways to handle sleepiness in meditation that were shared in the blog post

3. Be Sure that You Aren’t Unconsciously Causing or Just Ignoring Sleepiness.

If you have tried all the strategies above and sleepiness persists, you may need to dig dipper. Ask yourself the following questions if drowsiness continues when you meditate.

A. Are You Sleeping Enough?

Most Americans do not get enough sleep. This is specifically true for lawyers as well. There are many reasons for this but the pervasiveness of screens is a common culprit. If you can’t stay awake during meditation, it is worth asking yourself if you just need some rest. Focusing on quality sleep will improve your meditation practice and overall health.

B. Are You Trying too Hard?

Another common problem for many professionals, especially lawyers, is unconscious overwork. Some of us may habitually try hard. We may be so used to striving that we do it in meditation. This may be true even after years of practice and instruction that reminds us to avoid striving.

Trying too hard can induce sleepiness for the simple reason that it wears our minds out. While sleepiness may be a sign indicating a need for more focus, it can also indicate a need to relax too. You can do this by bringing in an attitude of play and lightness into practice. You can also try giving yourself breaks in practice by shifting the practice type or taking small breaks within your practice.

C. Is there an underlying medical condition you should explore?

Sometimes sleepiness can be a sign of an underlying medical or mental health condition. If the sleepiness persists despite interventions, it may be time to talk to your care provider. Meditation is just one means of taking care of ourselves. A doctor or mental health care provider can help you ensure that all of your needs are met.

4. Learn about Acceptance and Self-Compassion.

Even if you do all the things right, the odds are that sleepiness still may happen during meditation. Meditation is not about controlling your body or your mind. Instead, it’s about learning to work with your body and your mind better.

As discussed above, sleepiness in meditation gives you a chance to see what strategies energize and deplete you. When all those fail, though, sleepiness can give you a chance to practice something arguably more important. It can give you a reason to practice acceptance and self-compassion.

You can’t always be energized. You can’t always be “on.” Your mind does not always want to focus. Your body may not always want to sit. Practicing self-kindness in the midst of this lack of control is part of meditation. Though I know exactly how frustrating this can feel, I can also say that this life skill is very helpful to have.

Conclusion

Fatigue or drowsiness during meditation is a very human thing. It does not mean that you are a bad meditator or the practice isn’t right for you. Instead, sleepiness is a normal challenge for most meditators. Learning to manage sleepiness in meditation can build skills and teach you about yourself.

To deal with problems in meditation practice, including sleepiness, check out the Pause and Begin Again ebook. This free resource offers tips for starting and restarting a meditation practice and facing common challenges.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Mindfulness for Job Seekers: Transforming Adversity into Opportunity

Cover image for blog post with picture of people waiting for job interview with title "Mindfulness for Job Seekers: Transforming Adversity Into Opportunity"

Most of us know that looking for a job can be a hard thing to do. If you haven’t looked for work in recent history, you probably know some job seekers who have. Many people, including a lot of lawyers, are actively looking for work or trying to transition to a new role.

When I was asked to talk about mindfulness to a local group that supports job seekers, I quickly said yes. Though I had not experienced joblessness in my career, my friends and relatives have. I also knew from personal experience that mindfulness and compassion are essential for facing adversity in life.

In this post, I will share details about and access to my talk.

A Great Resource for Job Seekers

I offered my talk to the Northern Kentucky Accountability Group, created by the Kenton County Public Library. This group does far more than offer job listings and business books to its members. It is a support group for anyone looking for jobs or interested in moving into a new professional role.

The group offers support and community, skills classes, and access to volunteer speakers and coaches. People local to Northern Kentucky and Cincinnati attend events in-person at the library. Many people outside of the Cincinnati metro area access the programs online and via Zoom.

I share this information here so that everyone can learn more about the program. Please review their offerings and share with any job seekers who need support.

Image of woman facing stressful situation with laptop and quote that says "Mindfulness and compassion practices helped me learn how to cope when life did not go well."

Highlights from the Presentation to Job Seekers

In my talk, I spoke about my experience handling personal setbacks that led to professional growth. My talk was entitled Navigating Life’s Trials: A Story of Mindful Transformation and Community Impact. In it, I shared my story with postpartum depression and how it led me to explore mindfulness.

As I have shared here before, this in turn helped me take important steps forward in life. Mindfulness helped me learn how to network. It taught me about leadership. It also helped me develop the courage to start writing and find my voice as a mental health advocate.

Why Mindfulness and Compassion Can Help

Besides sharing my story, the talk also included some teachings about mindfulness and compassion. Specifically, it explained how these human faculties help us navigate hard times in life. This is essential for job seekers and anyone dealing with life’s challenges.

The talk explains in simple terms what mindfulness and compassion are. It also explains why meditation helps to remove barriers to those capacities. Then it explains a few of the simple meditation practices that can support the cultivation of mindfulness and compassion.

The active engagement from the audience further enhanced the talk. They asked great questions and shared their own experiences and challenges.

How to Watch the Presentation

Another great thing about the Northern Kentucky Accountability Group is its online library of talks from past speakers. The library has recordings from many of its speakers dating back to 2022. All of the talks are tailored to active job seekers and others looking to build professional skills. You can browse through each year of the library to find a variety of excellent talks.

My talk, Navigating Life’s Trials, is listed under April, 2025. You will find a link and a password to view the recording. The session is about an hour in length. Don’t sleep on the Q&A session at the end. The questions were good and I mention extra resources too.

Image of women showing herself love with quote that says "When done right, mindfulness practice also supports the cultivation of kindness."

More Resources for Job Seekers

When asked about confidence and imposter syndrome, I mentioned these resources from the blog:

All of these resources offer valuable insights for those handling change in life and work.

Community and Mindfulness Can Support Job Seekers

If you are searching for a job, communities like the one I discuss here can be a great support. As I shared in my talk, building critical skills like mindfulness and compassion can also help too. I wish all of the job seekers out there the best. I also hope that the resources and ideas shared here will support you in your job search.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Unlocking the Benefits of Open Awareness Meditation

Cover image for blog post of man meditating with title "Unlocking the Benefits of Open Awareness Meditation"

“Just sit there.” This was some of the best meditation advice I ever got. When my meditation practice was still young, a teacher gave me this instruction during an interview on a retreat. I had been doing breath focus practice for a while and explained that I was rushing back to the breath. Though I didn’t know the term then, my teacher suggested that I try open awareness or open monitoring meditation.

On the very next sit, that is what I did and I quickly fell in love. As I will explain in this post, open awareness meditation has some disadvantages. But for me the advantages were clear. I had honed focus pretty well, but I needed to learn to relax and let go. If this sounds familiar to you, keep reading. In this post, I will briefly explain what open awareness practice is. I will also tell you how to do it. Finally, I will show you how to embed it in your meditation practice.

What Is Open Awareness Meditation?

As the instructions from my teacher indicated, the beauty of open awareness practice is its simplicity. With this style, you drop all specific focal points and just sit there. The thing is, of course, that you don’t merely sit there. Instead, you sit there and pay attention to whatever comes up in your awareness.

This includes thoughts, sensations in the body, emotions, and external stimuli. In short, with open awareness meditation the practice is to note all of your awareness. Ideally, you will also do so with mental clarity but without judgment.

Image of woman meditating with google search bar asking "how to do open awareness meditation" which is explained in the blog post

Why You Should Try Open Awareness Meditation?

Many people assume that focus is the primary benefit of meditation. That can be true for many people, but I don’t think it is true for all. Many people, including lots of lawyers, may have pretty strong focus skills already. As I learned, though, meditation can also impart other important traits.

These include things like relaxing, letting go, non-judgment and kindness. Open awareness helps to cultivate these things in particular because the practice literally invites everything into awareness. Nothing is off limits. It’s all part of the practice. As you practice welcoming everything in experience into awareness, you build patience, flexibility, equanimity, and self-kindness.

Potential Benefits of Open Awareness Meditation

Because all of us are different, the potential benefits of open awareness meditation are varied. With that said, I quickly experienced more access to insight when I started open awareness meditation. I also noticed an increase in intuition and creativity. When I allowed space in my mind, I became clearer about my life and more receptive to my own ideas.

I also soon started to understand myself better because I started to see my patterns in real time. Instead of merely focusing on the breath, I could see familiar narratives arise and fade. By watching this play out, some of those stories lost their power. These included my tendency to doubt myself and to do everything on my own. This made room for new wholesome ones, like self-compassion and opening to creative pursuits like writing.

Image of man meditating with benefits of open awareness meditation, including patience, flexibility, equanimity, and creativity, listed as an overlay on the picture

How to Explore Open Awareness Meditation

If this sounds attractive, you may next wonder how you can start exploring open awareness meditation. As I already mentioned, the classic way to start this practice is to start just sitting. Let go of all focal points, broaden the scope of your awareness, and see what comes up. For people with some experience with meditation, this can be a great way to explore a new style of practice.

Some may worry that this openness can cause confusion. However, there are ways to expand awareness more gradually. One choice is to try a noting practice, in which you note things that arise in experience. You can also try practices that categorize experience, such as a practice that focuses on feeling tones (neutral, pleasant, unpleasant). Shinzen Young also has a style called “see-hear-feel” that categorizes the visual, auditory, and sensory experiences that arise.

Dealing with Disadvantages or Problems

Now, some people may worry that their mind isn’t automatically open or won’t stay open for this practice. The easy answer is that starting with open awareness practice is not necessary. You don’t need to begin with it in order to do it. Instead, you can begin a meditation session with breath focus. You could also use a body scan or a mantra. Then transition to open awareness. This is what I have done for years, though the time I need to spend settling with a focus practice has decreased over time.

You may worry that open awareness could lead to dullness. It might also cause spacing out. This is something that happens to the best of us. One way to tackle this is to manage sleepiness. Watch your temperature, practice at a good time of day, and don’t try to meditate after a big meal. Another solution is to bring back in elements of focus practice to support mental clarity when needed. For example, if you find yourself spacing out you can energize the mind with a focus practice.

Conclusion: Open Awareness Meditation Is a Practice to Try

In truth, though, you can’t learn open awareness meditation from reading about it in a blog post. I wrote this post to encourage you to consider and explore the practice. The best way to learn about open awareness meditation and what it can do for you is try it yourself. To that end, I give you the same advice my teacher gave me years ago. Set a timer. Find a quiet safe space. Just sit there. See what open awareness meditation can do for you.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Understanding Meditation: A Book Review of Ten Percent Happier

Cover image for the blog post with the title "Understanding Meditation: A Book Review of Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris"

When I was very new to meditation, Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris had just been released. (paid link) Since I had already started meditating, I didn’t need more convincing that the practice worked. At that time, I knew nobody else who meditated, so it was validating to see someone who then worked for ABC News talk about the topic so publicly.

This month, I had occasion to revisit Ten Percent Happier to lead a virtual book club for the Ohio State Bar Association. It was interesting to see that the book still held up, even though some of my reactions to it had changed over the years. In this review, I will share what the book offers to both new and experienced meditators.

A Super Brief Summary of Ten Percent Happier

So how did someone who used to be a journalist and anchor for ABC News get into mindfulness and meditation? That is exactly what Ten Percent Happier explains. Harris begins his short and accessible book by sharing his story of mental health challenges, including a panic attack on live television and drug use. As the book explains, though, it took Harris a while before he realized meditation could help with these things.

He was assigned by ABC to cover the religion and spirituality beat. This led him to meet various gurus with whom he was unimpressed. Eventually, though, he encountered meditation and that’s when things changed. The last half of the book shares Harris’s story of trying meditation, making it a part of his life, and how it radically changed his life for the better.

Why Those New to Meditation May Like Ten Percent Happier

It’s pretty obvious why people new to meditation may like Ten Percent Happier. It offers a lot of validation for people new to the practice who may, like me when I first started, not have a community to support them. Harris writes the book from the perspective of a skeptical but curious explorer.

Very much like a news documentary, it tells the story of mindfulness by identifying and explaining key concepts for the audience. It also shows what the experience of meditation, in retreat or in daily practice, is like. In this way, Ten Percent Happier can help those new to meditation vicariously experience the practice over time and envision where continued practice might lead.

Why People Experienced in Meditation May Enjoy the Book

Though Ten Percent Happier is targeted at those new to meditation, experienced mindfulness practitioners may enjoy it too. Personally, I liked revisiting the book after more than a decade because it was a nice way to reflect on my own practice.

Harris’s skepticism in the early days of practice reminded me of my own uncertainty when I first start sitting. (I hadn’t started meditating because I thought it would work; I had started because nothing else had and I was desperate to try anything.) His struggles early in practice very much reminded me of my own and helped me see how far I had come.

This was useful because, as I have written before, meditation is something that doesn’t get easy. You don’t always see benefits in practice, but instead are more likely to see them in life. Reading Ten Percent Happier again helped me reflect on those early days again and see that, in fact, an evolution had occurred.

Why Lawyers and Professionals May Enjoy Ten Percent Happier

Regardless of practice experience with meditation, lawyers and professionals may like Ten Percent Happier because it discusses professional life in-depth. The book begins with Harris striving mightily to climb the ranks at ABC News and make a name for himself, a situation with which most lawyers and professionals can easily identify.

When Harris starts meditating, though, he has to convince himself that being happier and kinder won’t hurt his career. I didn’t feel quite this level of pressure when I started meditating, perhaps because as a woman I was subject to different expectations. Even so, I recall hiding my meditation practice for years until the results for me were too profound not to share.

Lawyers and professionals will see a lot in Harris’s story to which they can relate. Finding balance and time for healthy habits is a struggle that all of us have experienced. Because the book shares Harris’s own story navigating these issues, lawyers and professionals may find ideas, inspiration, and motivation as they read.

Image with book review of Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris, a book about meditation and mindfulness, with a quote from the blog post

Ten Percent Happier Does Not Include Meditation Instruction

Though the book contains explanation and illustration of some key concepts, it is not a meditation practice guidebook. Harris was not a trained teacher when he wrote Ten Percent Happier and does not present himself that way in the book.

In this way, the book does not offer instruction for practice or true teachings of Buddhist thought. It also does not offer ethical guidance for living a good life, though some of these principles are conveyed through Harris’s own story.

If you are looking for this kind of instruction, you will not find it in Ten Percent Happier. The good news, though, is that Harris has another book, Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics, which offers more in terms of technical instruction. (paid link) He also has a repository of teachings and insights from world-class guests on the Ten Percent Happier podcast.

Where Some People May Struggle with Ten Percent Happier

There are many good things about Ten Percent Happier, but some people might struggle in a few areas. First, if you are a follower of certain spiritual gurus, including Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, or Tara Brach, the book may annoy you. Ever the skeptic, Harris did not hold back in his expression of doubt with respect to Chopra and Tolle.

Though he was more complimentary of Brach, his commentary on her demeanor and teaching style was hard to ignore. As I have written before, I thought Harris’s treatment of Brach was unfair, though he has since apologized. Regardless, the point here is that Ten Percent Happier will challenge you if you consider yourself the follower of a guru.

Similarly, the book may challenge you if you consider yourself a religious or spiritual person. Harris’s subsequent work suggests that his feelings on this have drastically changed. Regardless, Ten Percent Happier is written from the perspective of a skeptic.

In this way, it gives short shrift to anything spiritual or woo-woo even as it attempts to delve into ideas that emanated from Buddhism. Anyone who has a strong religious or spiritual practice may question whether Harris takes his skepticism too far, though I believe his feelings on these ideas have softened in his subsequent works.

The Bottom Line: Ten Percent Happier Is a Good Read

Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris is a good read for those new to meditation and those with years of experience meditating. It offers unique insights about meditation and the benefits of mindfulness. It also illustrates for lawyers and professionals the challenges and benefits of incorporating mindfulness into professional life. Though Ten Percent Happier may present challenges for some, it is a good and very easy read. As I experienced, it is even good enough to revisit a second time after many years.

The links to the books mentioned in this review are affiliate links. The review is unsponsored and sincere but the links to Amazon are paid.

What Is Body Scan Meditation and Why Should Lawyers Try It?

Blog post cover image with title "What is body scan meditation and why should lawyers try it?"

When people think of meditation, they typically think of the breath as the focal point. But in truth, meditation can use almost any focal point and the focal point doesn’t necessarily have to be a singular, stagnant object. One of the most beneficial practices that I incorporate in my routine is the body scan.

What Is Body Scan Meditation?

With this practice, the focus is on the sensations in the whole body, rather than exclusively focusing on the breath. Traditionally, this practice flows systemically through the body, flowing from one part or region of the body into the next.

Most commonly, body scan meditations start at the crown of the head and proceed down to other parts of the body until you reach the feet and toes. This is sometimes called a “top down” style of body scan.

There are a few reasons why teachers may commonly start the practice at the top of the head. It can be a trauma-informed risk mitigation strategy for those very new to practice, since trauma often affects the body. The theory here is that gradualism to cultivating body awareness is supportive to many students.

Similarly, starting at the top of the head may be a way to meet students where they are. This is because many of us new to mindfulness are accustomed to living life in our thoughts and brains.

Various Ways to Do a Body Scan.

There are, of course, many potential methods and starting points for body scans. For instance, you could start with the toes and work up or do a body scan that focuses on the chakras or plexuses along the spine.

Another way to start is by making a connection with your five senses and then branching out from there. Still other styles of practice, like yoga nidra, skip awareness from one body part to another rapidly. This can feel disorienting at first, but over time it may cause the mind to still and the body to relax.

Some body scan practices may also make use of progressive muscle relaxation, where one tenses the muscles and releases them. This is not required but can be a nice way to hasten relaxation or support the detection of body sensations if that is a challenge for you.

Regardless of the particular method you try, the object of a body scan meditation is to feel the sensations in the body and notice what you feel, rather than to think about the body.

Image of woman meditating with quote that says "body scan meditations typically start at the crown of the head and proceed down to other parts of the body"

Advantages of Body Scan Meditation.

Body scan meditation often feels more manageable to new meditators because the practice is more active than breath practice. Because the focus of body scan is to flow or cycle through sensations in the body, the mind has to work a bit more to stay focused on the sensations in the body. For this reason, it may not seem as hard to keep the mind engaged with the focal point as it does in the early phases of learning breath practice.

Even so, body scan builds focus, acceptance, and awareness like any other mindfulness practice. In this way, it can be a great alternative to breath-based practices if those present unique challenges for you.

In addition, in my experience, getting into the body is a great (perhaps the best) way to get out of your head. It is for this reason that resting in sensations during a body scan can be deeply relaxing even to new meditators and after relatively short periods of time.

Potential Challenges of Body Scan Meditation.

As mentioned above, body scan meditation can present some challenges. People with past trauma, whether diagnosed or not, should proceed gently and in small doses. Traumatic experiences can have lasting effects on the body even when we aren’t consciously aware of it. If you have concerns in this area, consult with a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher or your mental health support provider first.

Another challenge is that some people don’t feel much sensation when they do body scan. This can be normal for those new to the practice, since some of us may need some time to build awareness of bodily sensations. It also can be normal because there is a range of unique capacities when it comes to mindful awareness. If a lack of sensation is severe, chronic, or concerns you, though, you may talk to your doctor to ensure that your medical needs are being fully met.

Why Body Scan Meditation Is Great for Lawyers and Other Busy People

Body scan meditations are very useful for attorneys because they remind us to pay attention to and take care of our bodies. In law school, we learn to emphasize rationality in making decisions for our clients. While separating fact from emotion is critical, we lawyers are still human beings with human bodies.

To do our best for our clients, we need to understand and respect the limitations of our own bodies so we can fulfill our responsibility to our clients. As I’ve written before, emotions are sensations in the body, so body scan practices may also have the incidental benefit of building emotional intelligence and tolerance when powerful emotions arise.

Image of woman doing tree yoga pose on the beach with a quote that says "getting into the body is a great way to get out of your head"

Potential Benefits of Body Scan Meditation.

Even outside of emotions, however, the awareness that body scan practice engenders can have more fundamental benefits for lawyers and professionals. Some of the most common bodily issues that can impede us from doing our best work are represented in the acronym HALT, which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. These symptoms are fundamental to the human condition, but in our fast-paced world it is easy to skip lunch, push our emotions to the side, miss out on social opportunities, and deprive ourselves of sleep.

Body scan meditations are excellent for lawyers because they remind us that we are not merely brains filled with legal strategy, but people who must be fed, rested, and cared for. If you practice body scan meditation, you will develop the skills to notice the symptoms of various conditions and emotions in your body in the early and more subtle stages before they get to the point where they affect your performance, outlook, or demeanor. These skills are not only necessary to performing our responsibilities as lawyers, but they are also beneficial for anyone who wants to be a top performer in a high-stakes environment.

Image with quote that says "emotions are feelings in the body" which you may experience if you do body scan meditation

Body Scan Meditation Can Be a Building Block for Mindfulness Cultivation.

Finally, body scan is building block to support further growth in your meditation practice or just when dealing with the difficulties of life. When you start a meditation practice, it can seem like the focal point is the object of practice. As your practice advances, you may learn, however, that the focal point is really a tool. In other words, the point of practice is not just to focus on the breath or the sensations of the body. It is, instead, to build the skill of resting with the breath or the body.

If you can learn to do this with body scan practice, then you have one more tool at your disposal when meditation or life throws you curveballs. For example, perhaps troubling thoughts or overwhelming emotions come up during your practice. A meditator proficient in body scan might be able to shift focus to a less reactive part of the body, such as the feet, to rest from the experience until they find enough stability and calm to proceed with normal practice. You could also do this in life, if for instance you have a tense meeting with opposing counsel and need to keep your cool.

Image with pictures of people meditating that has the quote "body scan is a building block to support further growth in your meditation practice"

Conclusion: Body Scan Meditation Is an Excellent Practice for Lawyers and Professionals to Try.

In short, body scan is a simple practice to learn and may be more accessible to new meditators than other styles of practice. It offers many benefits that support a meditation practice and build coping skills for life. Lawyers in particular could stand to benefit from the practice, so give it a try.

To understand more how important body-based practices are to lawyers and how to add them into your routine, check out the Personal Well-Being Worksheet, Stress Management Workbook, and Coping Strategies Ebook.

To try body scan practice, check out our meditations that incorporate body scan techniques.   

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Stop Procrastination with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Cover image for post with professional woman making paper airplane at desk instead of working with title "How to Stop Procrastination with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion"

I made progress on a major project (my first novel) this weekend when I sent off a draft to a beta reader. This felt like an accomplishment, but it made me think about procrastination.

At this point in my life, I am the opposite of a procrastinator. I love getting things done. In fact, I feel uncomfortable when projects linger. They literally clog up my brain and make it hard for me to focus on anything new.

This was not always the case, though, because I used to struggle to start on projects both at home and at work. What changed? To put it simply, mindfulness and compassion came into my life and that changed my approach.

What Is Procrastination?

Before I jump into explaining how to solve procrastination, it is important to define what I mean. When I talk about the issue here, I am not talking about a simple lack of time. Many lawyers and professionals may have too much work or lack sufficient time and resources to handle it.

I’m also not talking about the rational choice to defer a decision or action on a project. As a mindfulness teacher, the best approach in some situations can be waiting. As a lawyer, I can say that inaction can sometimes be a good risk management approach.

On the other hand, procrastination is quite different. It occurs when you have the time to get started on a project and it is in your best interests to do so but you choose to delay action.

Is Procrastination Really a Problem?

Research on procrastination is still developing and there is not a clear consensus on its causes across populations or settings. The impact of procrastination, though, is clear. It increases suffering, adversely affects well-being, and lowers performance.

Sure, there may be times when procrastination can seem to lead to good results. Most lawyers I know, myself included, have had times when the last minute buzz of energy helps us finish a brief or other project in record time. Sometimes this can even feel exciting or fun.

What is not fun, though, is the other side of procrastination. The hours spent worrying about something instead of acting on it are soul-sucking. The shame and regret that come with not managing one’s time well are also no fun to experience.

An image with a quote as explained in the blog post that procrastination is a habit that can be changed

Can you learn to stop procrastinating?

Because researchers are still debating the causes of procrastination, they also do not agree on the best interventions to stop it. With that said, there is research that interventions can reduce procrastination, which suggests that it is possible to learn to manage it.

This has been my experience too. Over the years, I transformed myself from a task avoider to someone who relishes getting things done. Yes, of course, being a blogger and having a recurring weekly deadline to publish posts has been a great habit-building exercise in this regard.

But truthfully the thing that helped me stop procrastinating was the realization that it only increased my suffering. With mindfulness and self-compassion I was able to change this behavior over time. Here are the four steps I took and the ones I still use when the urge to avoid a task arises.

1. Identify Procrastination

Awareness is the first step to solving any issue. Though delay on a project can be a sign of procrastination, it isn’t sufficient in itself. Busy people may have a variety of legitimate reasons outside of their control that can impede starting a task.

The key question, then, is whether the delay is occurring despite (a) the opportunity to begin work; and (b) knowledge that the work is a priority. When these two things are present but you still struggle to get started or create excuses to avoid the work, you know you are dealing with procrastination.

2. Self-Compassion

Shame, guilt, and other forms of self-reproach are common responses to procrastination, but they aren’t helpful ones. As I frequently advocate for in other difficult situations, self-compassion is the better route. Self-compassion is correlated with positive behavior change, including correcting procrastination.

After you raise awareness to procrastination, you can invoke self-compassion by remembering common humanity. This problem is one that many people struggle with across the world and is quite a human challenge. If this is hard for you to accept, remember that self-compassion is not about excusing bad or problematic conduct, but instead giving yourself what you need to do your best.

Image with the 4 steps to ending procrastination as shared in the blog post

3. Manage Conditions

Some lawyers and professionals may hear the phrase “give yourself what you need” and think it sounds like woo-woo new age drivel. When I say it here, though, I mean it in a practical sense. Sometimes this means giving yourself some basic kindness.

But in practical terms it really means managing conditions. For example, if you hate the idea of working on a project, you may decide to take the smallest possible step forward or break it into chunks to help yourself. If you are scared or unsure about an issue, talking it over with a colleague or trusted friend can help you face the challenge. Doing what you can to make facing the project less scary, boring, lonely, or overwhelming is kind to yourself but also practical.

4. Learn from Experience

If you struggle with procrastination, the odds are that you won’t learn to stop it overnight. It may take some trial and error. Even when you struggle, though, there is still one thing you can do to avoid repeating the behavior. That step is to pay close attention.

Yes, this is a stereotypical thing for a mindfulness teacher to say. It’s also effective. The one thing that really helped me kick my procrastination habit was the recognition that it only made my life worse. For one thing, it made my anxiety last longer. It also intensified my fears to challenging levels as the relevant deadline approached.

In a few cases, I saw how my work suffered or was not as good as it could have been if I hadn’t delayed starting the work. Of course, these assessments have to be done without beating yourself up to allow for a clear view of the situation. If you can see clearly, though, life experience can be the best teacher when it comes to procrastination.

Conclusion

Procrastination is difficult to experience but may be even more challenging to stop. With self-compassion, mindfulness, and time, you can make a change. Once you do, you may learn like I did that the exhilaration of moving a major project forward feels even better than the last minute rush the day before a deadline.

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Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

4 Key Traits of Effective Anchoring Practices

Cover image for blog post entitled "4 Key Traits of Effective Anchoring Practices"

I have had a busy few months and it doesn’t look like things are going to slow down any time soon. When things get like this for me, I really appreciate the anchoring practices in my life to keep me steady. In case you don’t know what that means, this post will explain it and help you identify the practices that may serves as anchors for you.

What Is An Anchoring Practice?

Anchoring practices are the things we do in daily life that help us feel steady, nourished, focused, and in a state of flow. The practices that serve this purpose for me most frequently are meditation, exercise, writing, and cooking. You would think that in busy or turbulent times, these practices would be the first to go.

Over the years, though, I have noticed that the opposite is true. Rather than let these habits go when I am too busy, I rely on them even more. This is how the practices serve as anchors. They keep me grounded, steady, and calm enough to face life, busy and crazy as it is.

How to Identify Anchoring Practices for Your Life?

If you have practices in your life that serve the same purpose, you may be able to identify them very quickly. Many lawyers and professionals, though, don’t have time or reason to think this through. I find it helpful to have a framework for my well-being, though, because I can use it as a guide in times when I struggle or get stuck.

In case you need some help establishing or identifying potential anchoring practices for your own life, here are the four hallmark traits to consider.

1. You Genuinely Enjoy It.

For a practice to serve as an anchor for you, it needs to be something you will do consistently. To some degree, then, this means that you need to sincerely enjoy it. Does this mean that it will always be easy, risk free, or only feel good?

Not necessarily. When a practice becomes like that, you may get bored with it and it won’t keep your attention very well. A little bit of challenge and even some risk might be present in any good anchoring practice. But still there has to be something there that calls you back and draws you in again and again.

Crazy as it sounds, meditation serves this purpose for me. Yes, it is often boring and sometimes a struggle. But after years of practice I have come to enjoy it and generally like how it feels when I meditate. What practices are like this for you?

2. It Allows You to Be Yourself.

Another important thing about anchoring practices is that they allow you take your armor off. By this, I mean that you can really tell that something is an anchor for you if you feel like you can be yourself while doing it.

When you do the practice, there is no pretending or putting on a happy face or trying to appear professional. Instead, there is just you and the practice. It’s you as you are doing something you love.

Cooking is an anchoring practice for me because it allows my creativity and resourcefulness to shine. What activity in your life makes you feel like your most authentic self?

Image with 4 key traits of effective anchoring practices as shared in the blog post

3. It Nourishes You.

Another reason that you may come back again and again to anchoring practices is that they always give you what you need. This is to say that they nourish you in some way.

In many cases, lawyers have most of our basic needs met. As people who tend to be time poor, however, some essential human needs may get neglected. For many lawyers, and professionals, then, the most beneficial daily habits may give us a chance to get what we don’t otherwise get at work.

The practice that showcases this best for me is exercise. I love my law practice but it involves a lot of sitting around at my computer or talking on the phone. My daily Peloton workouts give me a chance to move, relax, and release excess stress. What practice in your life nourishes you?

4. It Creates Connections.

A final feature about anchoring practices is that they create connections. As noted above, this may include a chance to get in touch with oneself. In general, though, practices that connect us to others or something bigger tend to be the ones that stick with us throughout our lives.

All of the practices I mentioned above have this connecting force too, but the one that exemplifies it most for me is writing. As I have shared before, I am an introvert and can easily get very lost in my own thoughts and experience. It has been hard for me over the years to share my ideas with others and it took me a long time to learn to be myself.

Writing helped me do that. Though I do most of my writing on my own, sharing my work helped me create a community and build confidence in myself in all other areas of my life. What regular practices in your life create connections for you?

Want to Explore Further?

Though anchoring practices are not one size fits all, they have some essential features. If you are trying to identify or establish anchoring practices in your own life, look for these four things: (1) enjoyment; (2) authenticity; (3) nourishment; and (4) connection.

To explore this idea more, check out the Personal Well-Being Worksheet. It will help you identify the practices that support all aspects of personal well-being by guiding you through an assessment of basic needs.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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The Connection Between Mindfulness and Writing Success

Cover image for appearance on Dear Indie Author podcast on mindfulness and writing

As a mindfulness teacher and blogger, the connection between mindfulness practice and writing comes up for me a lot. Though I have always been drawn to writing and I do it every day in my work as a lawyer, I didn’t always consider myself a writer. It took many years for it to emerge as a real passion and part of my life.

How Meditation Led to Writing

If I never started meditating, there’s a good chance that I never would have discovered this meaningful pastime at all. As I have explained before, meditation helped me create the mental space that was necessary to recognize some of my copious thoughts as ideas. Over time, I also cultivated self-compassion and became more aware of latent judgments, so I could get ideas on the page.

Then, finally all the time sitting in meditation and the benefits it imparted convinced me of something fundamental: using some of my time to please myself was worthwhile. This helped me get over all the fears about writing being a “waste of time” or “too much work” or that “nobody would care.”

The Interview Discussing Mindfulness and Writing

I was fortunate to get a chance to discuss all of these things and more with fellow writer and coach, Shonda Ramsey. I met Shonda online when I saw her searching for self-published authors. Writing my first book was a great experience and one that has led to many other wonderful opportunities in my life.

I was glad to get to talk to Shonda about it and explain how mindfulness and creativity are interconnected. I was also pleased to discuss the fact that writing, a traditionally lonely endeavor, was something that led me to cultivate greater community. In fact, I was proud to share that I got help from a book coach to make the leap from blogger to author quickly.

How to Watch or Listen to the Interview

If you are interested in writing or wonder what mindfulness can do to help you get more creative in life, check out the full interview on the Dear Indie Author podcast. You can listen online, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify or watch the interview on YouTube here:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

4 Heart Practices that Lawyers Should Know

Cover image with picture of four hearts and title that says "4 Heart Practices That Lawyers Should Know"

It’s Valentine’s Day this week, so it is only natural for my mind to be thinking about hearts. In this case, I am thinking about the heart practices or Brahma Viharas. I talk about loving-kindness practice here a lot because it is a wonderful practice for cultivating kindness and reducing judgment.

What are the Four Heart Practices?

In traditional Buddhism, though, loving-kindness is just 1 of the 4 heart practices that support good conduct and overall well-being. Each practice is unique but they all reinforce each other too. Lawyers or anyone who regularly deals with stress or conflict can gain a lot from working with them together.

Keep reading to learn more about the heart practices:

  • (1) loving-kindness;
  • (2) sympathetic joy;
  • (3) compassion; and
  • (4) equanimity.
Image showing four heart practices discussed in the post which are beneficial to lawyers: loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity

1. Loving-Kindness

Loving-kindness or metta as it is traditionally called is done to generate friendliness and a good nature towards oneself and others. And when I say “others” here, I mean it as broadly as possible. As I have explained before, loving-kindness practice is done by bringing individuals and then groups to mind and sending them wishes of well-being.

Language here is flexible but the traditional phrases are:

  • May you be happy;
  • May you be healthy;
  • May you be safe;
  • May you be at peace.

Traditionally, this practice starts with oneself and expands outward to extend kindness to literally all beings.

There are many applications for this practice but the most common reason for doing the practice is to cultivate kindness for everyone, including you. With time, the practice serves as an antidote to judgment and anger, a foundation for greater mindfulness, and a gateway to the other heart practices.

Image explaining loving-kindness, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

2. Sympathetic Joy

Sympathetic joy or “mudita” does not tend to get as much attention in my experience, but it is increasingly important these days. Anyone suffering from social comparison, jealousy, or in a competitive field can benefit from this practice. Yes, this of course means lawyers and most working professionals. That is because mudita is about cultivating joy in response to the well-being of others.

Mudita is commonly practiced with the same structure as loving-kindness but the phrases may be slightly different. Common sympathetic joy meditation phrases include:

  • May you be happy;
  • May your happiness continue;
  • May you appreciate your joy; and
  • I am happy for you.

As I discussed when I shared the interview of Tom Bussen, author of Enlightened Self-Interest, this practice can reduce jealousy, greed, and the impacts of living in a hyper-competitive culture.

Image explaining sympathetic joy, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

3. Compassion

Compassion, or “karuna” as it is called in Sanskrit, is another essential heart practice. Unlike loving-kindness and sympathetic joy, compassion is about cultivating kindness in the fact of difficulty. As I have explained before, compassion isn’t truly an emotion but is instead a response to suffering.

Compassion is also distinct from empathy. It goes beyond merely feeling someone’s suffering, though common feeling is often part of the experience. Instead, compassion arises when we are aware of suffering and wish or act to do something to alleviate it.

I find that compassion is often specific to circumstances so I offer a variety of phrases that might work to practice compassion in meditation:

  • May you be free of suffering 
  • May you be safe and well in the midst of all this 
  • May you live with ease and with kindness in the midst of this 
  • May you be at ease with the changing conditions of my life 
  • May you open to this pain with gentleness and compassion 
  • May all who experience this particular suffering be held in kindness 
  • May the suffering of this world be met with compassion 
  • I care about you. 
  • Your suffering matters to me 
  • I see your suffering; it is hard.

It would likely become unwieldy to try to use all of these phrases, so it may be better to select 3 or 4 and work with those. Over time, you can change or substitute in phrasing to suit your needs. In addition, practicing compassion in sitting meditation is only the start. With time, this practice may support more compassionate conduct in life.

Image explaining compassion, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

4. Equanimity

Equanimity, or “upekkha”, is a trait that can be and often is cultivated with ordinary mindfulness practices. Put simply, it is non-reactive stability in the face of change, difficulty, and uncertainty. Learning to sit and be with experience when you do a practice like breath focus or body scan can help you cultivate a foundation of equanimity that supports overall mindfulness and well-being.

Equanimity is also important from a heart perspective, though, because it is essential for balancing kindness, joy, and compassion. Recall that kindness does not mean just being “nice” and compassion does not mean sacrificing oneself in all cases. Equanimity supports healthy boundaries and clarity about our role in a given situation or relationship.

Like compassion above, equanimity might be affected by context. Here are a selection of phrases that you could use to cultivate equanimity in meditation:

  • All beings are responsible for the suffering or happiness created by their own actions;
  • May you find peace exactly where you are;
  • No matter how I might wish things to be otherwise, things are as they are;
  • I care for you, but I cannot control your happiness and unhappiness;
  • May we all accept things as they are;
  • I wish you happiness but cannot make your choices for you; and
  • I can allow what is here and offer what is needed.
Image explaining equanimity, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

Conclusion

When done on their own, each of the individual practices has much to offer lawyers and other professionals. Over time, though, exploring all of the practices together can strengthen and stabilize the heart, body, and mind. Relationships are an essential part of living a good life and the four heart practices, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity, can support us as individuals in relation to other people. As you think about hearts this Valentine’s Day, think about the four heart practices too.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.