If you haven’t voted already, I hope that you have a plan to do so. I was lucky to early vote yesterday few challenges and only a short wait. The only bad thing about this is that now all I can do is wait for the election results.
Waiting is not something I enjoy in normal circumstances. Most of us, regardless of political persuasion, would probably agree that this election cycle is anything but normal. It’s likely that you may be feeling stress, anxiety, or even significant fear about the election results.
Meditation Is Not a Magic Pill but It Can Be a Refuge
Paradoxically, though, at the same time meditation can also be a refuge. It can be a safe space to find calm when the world is turbulent. Meditation can offer an opportunity for self-acceptance to deal with difficult emotions. At the most basic level, it can offer us at least a few minutes where we aren’t ruminating or doom scrolling about the state of the world.
Meditation Can Help Us Reorient to Goodness
The purpose meditation most often serves for me as a lawyer, mom, and community leader is that it reorients me to goodness. I’m a busy lady, I frequently deal with conflict, I’m often lost in my thoughts, and I tend to be intense and competitive. Meditation helps me rebalance the scales.
It is this idea that motivated me to volunteer to lead a meditation practice for the Mindfulness in Law Society on Election Day. First, I knew that offering a practice would be the most compassionate things I could do for myself. It would keep me busy and allow me to do something good and that I loved on a hard day.
Second, I knew that other lawyers out there were probably worried like me. Meditation can be a challenge when times are hard, so doing the practice in community can really help. Frankly, just remembering that you have a community can really help. That’s why MILS is offering a special practice on Election Day and the day after to offer the support of community to all in the legal profession.
Details of the MILS Election Day Support Practices
The Mindfulness in Law Society is offering 2 special practices on Election Day and the day after, Wednesday November 6th. Here are the details:
Election Day Sit
Event Details: I will offer a self-compassion meditation practice at 12 PM PST / 3 PM EST on Election Day, November 5th, on Zoom. This will be open to any law student or professor, lawyer, or anyone who works for a law firm or in the legal profession. The practice will focus on finding refuge in one’s community to support oneself.
How to Join: As a special event, you will need to register on Zoom to join the sit. The event is free of charge but you must register here for the link.
Special Wakeful Wednesday Sit
Event Details: I was set to guide the Wakeful Wednesday Sit this week, but my friend and highly experienced teacher, Judi Cohen, agreed to fill in for me. Knowing that none of us can predict what will happen this week, Judi will offer a special practice about welcoming whatever emotions may arise.
I hope that you are making your voice heard at the polls this week. After you do that, please join us to practice meditation in community. Both practices are open to law students, law professors, lawyers regardless of practice status, paralegals, and anyone who works in the legal profession.
Even if you cannot join us for the sits, I will be wishing that all of you are safe, healthy, happy, and at peace.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Founder’s Note: Nicole Galli is a rockstar lawyer friend who recently shared her experience with an ADHD diagnosis as an adult. Nicole is no stranger to leadership and making change in the profession and agreed to an interview. The video of the interview is embedded below but you can also read the full transcript too. Note: the original interview was done by video and the transcript was created using Otter. The transcript may not be verbatim and any typos are the result of transcription.
Interview with Nicole Galli Discussing ADHD in Law Practice
Claire: All right, hello, everyone. I am Claire Parsons, the founder of the Brilliant Legal Mind blog. I’m a lawyer, a mindfulness Teacher and Author and a mental health advocate in the legal profession. One of the things I like to do, in addition to talking about mindfulness on the blog, is also to share some stories of attorneys who have been willing to talk about their mental health. And one of the issues that I have been hearing a whole lot about lately and also experiencing somewhat in my own life with my loved ones, is ADHD.
There are a lot of lawyers now talking, in particular about adult diagnosis with ADHD, and many of us may have experienced some of the challenges, or seen loved ones experience the challenges with medication, with the shortages that happened last year. I started talking about some issues recently on one of the groups I was in for lawyers and Nicole Galli, who is with me today. Thank you for being here. Nicole mentioned that she had just experienced some issues relating to ADHD, and she was willing to talk to me about it. So I’m going to do an interview with Nicole to get her some of her story. So thanks for being here, Nicole. I really appreciate it.
Nicole: Thanks for having me. I appreciate you looking at the issue.
About Nicole Galli, Rockstar IP Lawyer and Leader
Claire: Yeah. So first of all, I would like to introduce you to everyone. So can you tell me about yourself? And I really encourage you to just let everyone know just how impressive you are, because I know there’s a tendency of many people to be humble, and I just don’t think it is justified when looking at your bio. So can you tell us about yourself?
Nicole: Sure, thank you. And you’re right, it’s hard to do that, but I’ve been practicing law for over 30 years. I came straight through school. I was an undergrad at the University of Pennsylvania, got my degree in medieval and Renaissance history, which is relevant. I then stayed at Penn and got my law degree. Graduated in ’92 and spent a few years with the firm of Dewey Ballantine, which no longer exists. So you know, Big New York white shoe law firm was there about four years’ then came to join Pepper Hamilton, which is also not exactly existing anymore. Now it’s Trout & Pepper. And I remained there for another 14 years. I was ultimately a partner there.
Left Pepper about 14 years ago, went to a couple of other firms, tried a small firm, tried a regional firm, and ultimately, almost 10 years ago, now, nine and a half years ago, I started my own women owned law firm, and we have six going on, seven attorneys, including myself. And my practice area is primarily litigation–large, complex litigation. And in particular, I sort of stumbled into it while I was at Dewey Ballantine, fell in love with it, and I’ve done it ever since.
My focus is technical litigation. What I mean by that is: I deal with all kinds of cases that have either a scientific or a technical issue, and that typically, and for the first, you know, 20 years or so of my practice was principally patent litigation. I’m old enough that patent litigation was not a thing when I first started practicing. It was very rare. Big firms didn’t do it as hard as that is to believe. And about 10 to 12, years ago, I started to get involved more in trade secret litigation, and I could really see, this was before the DTSA, that that was kind of going to be the way things were going. I’m pretty good at predicting trends, and what I loved about both, or still love about both, is at the time I was doing patent litigation, there are a lot of unanswered questions in the law.
We didn’t have a lot of the standards that are commonplace today. There was no Markman, there were no patent rules, a lot of the things that are just customary, we didn’t know. And we’re seeing that now right in trade secret litigation: there’s a lot of questions that are not yet answered under the DTSA. I like really complicated legal problems, but then I also love really complex technical issues. And I highlighted that I was a medieval and Renaissance history major because I did not have a single qualifying credit that would have allowed me to sit for the Patent Bar. So I come at technical litigation with a questioning mind, open perspective and no preconceived notions whatsoever.
And probably one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me professionally was when we did a two week jury trial in a very complicated trade secret case that involved algorithmic trading. This meant big computer, big data trading in the wholesale electricity market, which is a very complicated market. You have to learn both about like computers and algorithms and data analysis and you know, machine learning, all that kind of stuff works, and you had to understand the flow of electricity and how electricity is delivered within the wholesale market. I was questioning the chief technical witness on the other side, who had not one but two PhDs, including one was from the MIT of China. And my client wrote a note to my co-counsel, who is my husband (we were law school classmates) and said, “I think she understands this stuff better than he does.”
And that right there, in some ways, is my ADHD, I love doing a deep dive on something complicated, something difficult, something I don’t know, and learning everything I can about it. I also love solving really complicated problems; like, here’s a legal question, what’s the answer? I don’t know. What should the answer be? One of the hardest things I did was taking the Delaware bar after 20 years of practice. I remember struggling on so many (and this is true even as a kid) of the multiple choice questions. I can’t do multiple choice. It’s like, “but wait, what about this? What about that? What should the answer be?” One of them was like, “would this something or other happen in front of the jury or outside the jury?” I’m like, “I don’t know. It depends. What do you want the answer to be, and who’s the judge?” You know, “I’m sure there’s a rule on this, but doesn’t necessarily matter. We can make an argument.” So, that that’s the good part, I suppose, is that, I can do lots of really hard things and really fun things. The bad part, oh, there’s other bad parts, is it’s exhausting, you know, that kind of thing. And we can talk about those in a minute.
Journey to Diagnosis with ADHD and Impact on Law Practice
Claire: Yeah, and that’s my next question. You’re anticipating me a little bit. So, you know, it sounds like, you know, obviously, you’re a magician in terms of your law practice, and you do a lot of really technical, hard, challenging things, and you had some success with it. But the reason you said you wanted to talk about this is because you said you were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and it just kind of shaped your experience. And so without getting too much into, you know, prying into any personal things, can you share, like, what some of the problems were, issues were that alerted you that maybe you need to investigate this further or get some more support.
Nicole: So I wish I could say that it was like recognizing here’s the problem and this is a potential solution, but that’s not really what happened. Lifelong, anyone who knows me knows I very much have a hard time being on time. I was born late. I was I was a month late. I have very much a lot of trouble with that. Folks with ADHD, you will totally feel this. I have time blindness. There is now and not now. I have no idea how long things take. None whatsoever. I mean, I do certain things I can budget really well for clients, because I know how long a project should take. But when I start something, I’ll go down a rabbit hole, and I’ll be like, “Oh, this is interesting. I’m going to go learn more about this thing.” I mean, just you name it, I’m like, “wonder what the answer is there . . . ” And, you know, 20 minutes later, I’ve gone down some rabbit hole that I never intended to be there. So you know that was an issue.
And then the one thing I will say: I was diagnosed with depression, and this is another thing we need to talk about as a profession, because, Lord knows, there’s many of us. I was diagnosed with depression 25 years ago, and I’ve only started talking about it publicly now. It was like going to be the death knell, I think, to my career had I ever said that [publicly]? And it was pretty bad; it was a bad depression. I was functional, but it would take me three hours to get out of bed in the morning, which to me, I didn’t even notice. There are times that life was just really hard, it was exhausting, it was overwhelming. I have two kids. I’m a really devoted mom. I have four cats, a dog. I mean, I have a lot going on my plate, and a husband. You know, I get involved in all kinds of activities. I’ve started and grown to organizations. I just run stuff, right?
So I have always had multiple balls in the air. I can’t not have many balls in the air. So it’s understandable that I’m tired, but this was a level of bone tired that only somebody with ADHD would get where it’s like a total overwhelming shutdown. And there would just be days where it’s like, “Oh, my God, I just need a moment.” And that was just life. For a long time, I ascribed it to the depression, and I think that was a piece of it. In retrospect, maybe it was undiagnosed ADHD, who the hell knows?! And it would come and go; it wasn’t always like that. But I was always doing a ton, so it’s kind of hard to say. And the other thing that was, like, very hard running a household. I’ve always had inordinate amounts of household help, and as a working mom, felt guilty about that, because they like to make working moms feel guilty for having help.
It’s okay if dads do, but moms can’t, and it’s just ridiculous. But I always had to have tons and tons of help, and it was still difficult, like trying to get dinner on the table, especially once my kids were older and teenagers, they’re 20 and 17 now, we didn’t have as much help, and it didn’t feel as justified. But I had a really wonderful business coach who I still work with. She’s amazing. Leslie Hassler. Adore Leslie, and she was one who said to me, this was before, I think, the ADHD diagnosis. She’s like, do you like doing this household stuff? And I’m like, No, not really, no. Kind of don’t. I like to cook when I feel like cooking, but no, I don’t want to cook every day. It’s a thankless job. She’s like, then, why are you doing it? I’m like, “good question.” So we actually have full time help at home, because otherwise it would be a complete shit show in my house.
I say these things because on the outside, I have all my shit together. I do loads of stuff. I’ve been very successful professionally. I do a ton of things outside of my actual job, do great work for my clients, have a big team, you name it. I look like the poster child, two really happy kids who are doing well, like, it’s the poster child for success. But in my house, it can be a bit of a train wreck. So long story short, my daughter was again being evaluated for ADHD. She should have been diagnosed with this in second grade, when her teacher first said, maybe she has it. But of course, they just said it was anxiety, which it probably was as well. And I was going to sessions with her, this was in her senior year of high school, and listening to things she was saying. And one of the things that most resonated was talking about how hard it was to do everything that she did every day, and she did an amazing amount.
You know, fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree and the psychologist was like, you know, that level of exhaustion, that’s not typical, that’s not the way life should be. And that was stunning to me, and that was the moment when I’m like, “really!?” I just figured it was because we were doing so much stuff, you know? I didn’t think that could be not normal. And so I started doing a bunch of research, and I work with her [the psychologist], about three years ago. I’m 56 now, I got diagnosed, went on Concerta, and the exhaustion, I’d say, is the biggest thing that has lifted. It’s not as hard to get from point A to point B in the day as it used to be. And that was the biggest thing, you know. And I tried every mindfulness thing there is. And number one, I couldn’t stick to it because it was boring to me. Probably shouldn’t say that, but it is and it just didn’t quote, “solve the problem.”
What the Legal Profession Needs to Learn about Mental Health
Claire: And mindfulness can be hard. There’s there’s some challenges with it, but you ever want resources and want to talk about that, I think I probably read them all. The thing is, like a lot of people learn mindfulness on their own or from an app and have no community around it, no teacher. And, yeah, that’s going to be really hard, you know, that’s, that’s like trying to learn fitness entirely on your own, or, yeah, prior experience. Mean, that is hard, and that’s, that is what I’m partly trying to change. Um, so in terms of, I think you kind of answered my next question about the impact of the diagnosis, but I’m going to skip to the next one. What is the most important thing that, like you wish the legal profession understood about mental health or ADHD? You can answer that, you know, however, however you like.
Nicole: I would say both because it applies to both. You know, ADHD any kind of neuro divergence, frankly, or, you know, depression or other things, just because individuals might have a condition that fits in one of the categories we mentioned doesn’t mean they’re not successful. Doesn’t mean they’re not competent. Doesn’t mean they’re not valued contributors. Doesn’t mean that there isn’t a role for them to play. It may mean that they need accommodations, they need understanding, they need support. They need a workplace that tolerates difference and actually celebrates it. And if we’re not as a profession, valuing people for what they bring to the table, and instead trying to keep putting people into certain rigid boxes, which I think it does and that’s why I’m an entrepreneur–and have, like, set expectations on people then we’re losing out.
I mean, there’s incredible talent out there, and I think we’re making people miserable, and we’re really hurting people, like we are literally, as a profession, burning people out and hurting them. That’s not okay, it’s not healthy, it’s not okay. And so I think we really, I mean, you know my philosophy, and I heard another big firm, say this, and I’m, skeptical, but my philosophy is, you have to put people first. We’re the product, right? You have to treat your product well, if you want to just put it in the most, you know, crudest term, as a business owner, you got to value the people. Without the people, we don’t have anything. And so that’s not the way our model is set up. It’s just not.
Law Firm Practices that Can Make Positive Change
Claire: Well, one thing I’ll say is, I mean, I’ve seen some variation across firms, and I know that there can be some difference. And because I’ve been at small firms, and now I’m at a much bigger firm, and so there can be difference in scale. So one thing I would ask is, as you’ve got your own firm now, and you’ve got the ability, kind of to do things your way, and I know you’ve been successful with it, and have some great people there. So are there any like practices that, that you do, that you think are particularly supportive in terms of, like putting people first, like putting some teeth behind that idea of putting people first.
Nicole: Yeah, so I think, it’s really, first of all, fundamentally starting from a different mindset. I assume that people want to contribute and do a good job, right? , But I also know that life happens. Honestly, things that make me crazy as a business owner is when my employees thank me for letting them take time off when they’re sick. That should not be something that they feel they have to do, right, and, and I’m like, “you know that you don’t have to thank me for that.” They’re like, “Yeah, but in my prior job. . .” And I know where they’re coming from.
I have horror stories from being a young attorney. You know my dad was dying, and I got a nasty review because I literally left after fully informing the partner as to what was going on and telling him ahead of time I didn’t think I could finish the project because of what was going on, and took the project as far as I could. And it was perfectly fine. There were other people to help. And I got a bad review because I left and went to my father’s death bed. I’m not even making that up. That’s a true story. I mean, he died three days later, and I literally, got a bad review for that reason. And the partner’s like, “Well, my, my mom died when I was young, so I know she should have done something differently.”
Claire: Wow.
Nicole: I mean, it’s not even made up, right? So, it’s really kind of a low bar, it’s a little bit of empathy, you know, the Golden Rule, do unto others like you’d like them to do to you. Honestly, in my experience, it’s really kind of a low bar. Just don’t be an asshole and then beyond that, literally, support people. I mean, invest in people, help people, figure out where people’s strengths are, play to their strengths. I mean, it’s just team 101. People do this in business all the time. I don’t know why we can’t do it in law.
Resources for Lawyers with ADHD
Claire: Be a good human and a good leader. It’s a good recipe for organizations. So in terms of, like, resources or any kind of supports, like, is there anything that you can point to that was particularly helpful to you?You mentioned your coach, and that’s a great one. But like any books. . .
Nicole: I read because, you know, ADHD, I read everything there was to read in a book, whether it was a general ADHD book or for women. I listened to a bajillion blogs. I mean, there’s a lot of material out there. I think everything is written from a certain perspective, and so to me, what was useful was reading a lot. Probably the thing, I think I found most valuable is a couple of Facebook groups, actually, with women lawyers. Not because I’m necessarily getting tips or resources from it—Like, I learned a lot of coping skills. You know, the medication kind of fixed what the coping skills weren’t fixing— but just more knowing I’m not alone, right? Just seeing sometimes the post and being like, “Oh yeah, feel that.” Just knowing that it’s normal, right? Like, having that sense of this is okay, we can do this and be successful. And it’s okay. So for me, that’s actually been the most [helpful], there’s one like “squirrels” or something like that, for real, that’s the title.
Nicole: Yeah, I’ll have to like, go on Facebook and see what they are, and I’ll let you know. But I mean, it’s, it’s just really great, and I am so grateful to the women attorneys who run the group. I mean, they do it as a labor of love. I know they have a Discord where people do body doubling and stuff like that. I haven’t needed those resources. So, I mean, there’s a lot out there, but, I think that’s the only thing I currently do to just kind of have that, “nope, you’re good. Not the only one totally fine,” The other one the other day that really resonated was like, “Yeah, I spent like, you know, 20 minutes looking for like,” I forgot what it was. I think it was her bra, but she was wearing it! Like, that’s not crazy, but it’s funny, or maybe not funny! That hasn’t been me, but I’ve had other things like that, you know, just being able to laugh at yourself and not take it too seriously.
Why Nicole Showed Courage and Share Her Story with ADHD
Claire: So, Nicole, last question, and part of what I am doing with this series is, is trying to help lawyers, you know, feel a little bit more like, not necessarily, that they can go tell the world about their mental health condition or what’s going on, because, unfortunately, I still think there’s a lot well, but, but that they tell someone right, that they can at least talk to someone and get some help. And so the question I want to ask is, and I think a lot of people are afraid to do that, and I know certainly I was before I started doing all this, but why did you agree to participate in this interview? Why was it important to you to share your experience with ADHD and mental health in the profession?
Nicole: Somebody needs to speak out. Part of me is still, like, “how my clients going to take this?” I still have people I answer to, but if somebody doesn’t, and this has always been me, if somebody doesn’t speak out, who’s going to? And if it’s not me, then, who? Right? Somebody has to change the narrative. Somebody has to speak out. And that’s a role that I’ve always been very comfortable with– you know, probably again, because of my ADHD! But also because I think it’s really important to change stereotypes too.. Similar to why I started Women Owned Law, the organization I founded, God could be 10 years ago now, for women entrepreneurs in the law. Women entrepreneurs in the law were seen as failures if they left firms, you know, the stereotype of “oh, you couldn’t cut it.” Well, you try to run a business, honey–it is not for the faint of heart! And I’ve never worked this hard in my whole life as I have until I started my firm and my kids will tell you that it’s been the most rewarding thing I’ve done.
But, but the point I’m making is, you know, we need to change the stereotype. People with ADHD, people with other types of neurodivergence, are not failures. We can be successful. You know, we just do it differently, and differently is okay. And that, to me, is the biggest thing. We talked about this before you started recording: different is not bad. And I think inherently, as lawyers, as a profession, we get anxious when things are different and don’t fit a mold, partially because of what we do, right? We have to follow rules. But you know, whether it’s because I’m a woman, whether it’s because I’m neurodivergent, whether it’s someone who’s of color, someone who’s LGBTQ, somebody who’s different for any reason, first generation, different culture, difference is scary to people, and when things are scary, they try to tamp it down and stop it. But difference is not just okay, it’s really good, and it strengthens us, and it would strengthen us as a profession, and so I’m trying to do my part.
Claire: Well, I think that’s a great answer, and I really appreciate you being. Here, Nicole and chatting with me and thanks to everyone for being here.
Nicole: Thank you.
To watch the video version of the interview with Nicole, check it out on our YouTube channel here:
This interview is part of a series of posts sharing real stories of courage from attorneys willing to talk about mental health. If you are in the legal profession and are interested in sharing your story, please submit a query here.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:
I never used to ask for help. Like at all. For most of my life, I would struggle mightily on my own for hours. I’d wade in self-doubt, angst, and worry until some unwitting person happened upon me. So overcome by pity and confusion, this person would practically force help on me.
In situations like this, a part of me would be glad to get some support. Clearly, I needed it. Usually the helpful person would see something I hadn’t, have an expertise I didn’t, or at least calm me down enough that I could think again. Even so, being in this position of vulnerability caused me to feel something else too: shame.
There’s No Shame in Asking for Help
Shame at what, you might be wondering. Just for needing help? Of course, the answer to that question, justifiably scoffing as it is, is yes. I used to feel ashamed to ask for help and certainly to need help. Ugh. Even the words “need help” sounded so piteous to me then that I couldn’t bear to think they referred to me.
I am here to officially declare that I have changed my mind about help. In truth, help is not something to be ashamed of at all. Help, knowing when you need it and having people to ask, is something that should make any lawyer exceedingly proud.
Asking for Help Usually Shows Self-Awareness and Wisdom
Think about it. Asking for help implies a few things that any smart, capable professional ought to be thrilled to announce to the world. First, knowing when to ask for help requires two important traits: (1) self-awareness; and (2) wisdom.
Though nobody, especially lawyers, likes the experience of acknowledging our own limits, few would argue that being aware of one’s limits is a bad thing. In fact, most lawyers would readily admit that they have seen disastrous consequences for lawyers and professionals who lack the ability to see themselves clearly.
Wisdom is related to self-awareness but it implies more than a present moment awareness of oneself. Instead, wisdom only exists when one is aware of lived experience over time. Knowing when to ask for help requires wisdom because we have to judge when collaboration serves us better than individual action alone.
Asking for Help Means You Have Someone Helpful to Ask
Another reason why asking for help should make you proud is that doing so implies something most lawyers would want to brag about: a solid network. Think about it. If you ask for help, you are probably going to be asking someone with a talent, position, or expertise you don’t have.
Inherently, this implies that you are connected and on good terms with talented, powerful, kind, and prosocial people. This is something to celebrate and to relish. In fact, this is very reason that most lawyers take pride in cultivating good networks. We do so because networks can help us in many ways that most of us could never predict.
Asking for Help Increases Connection and Happiness
Hard as it was to face this feeling, I eventually came to see that this small act of vulnerability was a way to cultivate trust. Even to this day, it still feels awkward and desperate when I ask for help, but when I get it I always feel a warm glow. That warm glow is a connection to someone else and the feeling of support.
If you struggle with asking for help, you aren’t alone. This is a reality for most lawyers. Even if facing every problem alone is your default setting, you can change this habit over time. Remembering that asking for help is a sign of strength is a good place to start. Next time you start to feel ashamed at the thought of needing help, flip the script. Knowing when to ask for help and having someone to ask aren’t signs of weakness; they are clear signs of strength.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Neurodivergence, including ADHD, has been an area of exploration for me recently as a lawyer, a parent, and a mindfulness teacher. ADHD prevalence in the legal profession is twice the national average. I have also had several contacts share with me recently about their experience being diagnosed as an adult.
Part of my searching led me to discover a great resource on the topic from someone who had researched it in-depth. Lidia Zylowska, M.D. is a psychologist who created a mindfulness program for people with ADHD and studied its effects in a clinical setting. She combines her research and insights in The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD, which I found to be a worthwhile and enjoyable read. Here are five reasons why I liked it.
1. Not Anti-medication
In case the title makes you nervous that the author “prescribes” mindfulness for ADHD to the exclusion of other things, like medication, don’t be. Mindfulness Prescription doesn’t do that. Dr. Zylowska says nothing in the book to dissuade anyone from supporting themselves with medication, therapy, or any other beneficial modality.
To the contrary, Zylowska offers useful guidance for people who may need to decide whether ADHD medication is right for them. She also explains that medication and meditation can work well together.
This is good news since, just like meditation, the decision to use medication to treat ADHD symptoms is a personal choice that may require consideration of a variety of factors. Rather than a directive, the discussion of medication in Mindfulness Prescription is aimed at empowering readers with information and ideas so they could make informed decision for themselves.
2. Offers a Clear Path for Learning Mindfulness
The book also offers a nice entry point and a clear path for exploration of mindfulness practices. The first section provides context and research regarding ADHD and explains why mindfulness can be an effective treatment option. Even if you know about ADHD, I encourage you to read the overview because it may increase understanding and motivate practice by clearly identifying potential benefits of mindfulness practice.
The second part of the book sets out Zylowska’s 8-week mindfulness program for ADHD. This portion of the book is ideal for readers new to mindfulness, since it offers clear guidance on practices that can target specific symptoms, such as a racing mind or hyperfocus. It may also be a good refresher even for experienced meditators because it offers so many suggestions for incorporating informal practices into life.
3. Doesn’t Exaggerate the Deficit in ADHD
My favorite thing about Mindfulness Prescription is that it didn’t let the “deficit” in ADHD take over. As a special education lawyer and someone who has loved ones with ADHD, I know it is common for people with ADHD to think of the condition as entirely a bad thing. This may be the result of problems in school, a series of negative comments over the course of one’s life, or a history of feeling obligated to work harder than others just to keep pace.
Despite research showing its potential benefits, this could make some people with ADHD feel like meditation, a practice in training attention, is not for them. Zylowska addresses this head on when she offers the idea that ADHD, just like many other conditions, isn’t all deficits. She reminds readers that all of us have relative strengths and weaknesses, and she explains that mindfulness is not just about focus but also non-judgment or open curiosity. Though people with ADHD may find focused attention a bit more challenging, Zylowska notes, curiosity may be a relative strength.
Overall, the book is clear that meditation is not about “fixing” oneself but relating to one’s life and oneself with greater kindness. It doesn’t merely offer practices to improve focus, but also aims to help readers cultivate self-compassion and self-acceptance.
4. Provides Formal and Informal Practices
The 8-week practice guide is built around targeting specific aspects of life that may especially benefit people with ADHD. These include focus, slowing down, body awareness, communication, and emotional regulation. In each chapter, formal guided meditation practices are offered to help the reader build skills in each area.
Though the formal practices are relevant and well-presented, the informal practices in the book may be the most useful. As an example, one practice “STOP” was an acronym to help you learn how to build regular pauses into your day. The acronym stands for
Most of us can easily fall into the habit of unconscious rushing, but people with ADHD may have the extra challenge of hyperfocus that can make this even harder. Small practices like STOP built into your day can help make mindfulness a part of your life even without formal meditation practice.
5. Explains Mindfulness with Science and Stories
While of course the perspective of science in the Mindfulness Prescription is beneficial, I was also glad that the book wasn’t just science. Each chapter and each practice was embedded in a story from life to exemplify its significance and utility.
Though the first section of the book is heavy on science, the second section used stories and examples that showcase how mindfulness can work in real life. This made the book a lot more enjoyable and engaging to read and helps readers envision how they might begin using the practices to support their own lives.
Conclusion
The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD is an accessible, yet thorough offering for anyone looking to understand how mindfulness can serve as a tool for people with ADHD or for those supporting people with ADHD. Lawyers, professionals, and others who want to learn more about ADHD or mindfulness or both can benefit from reading it and trying the practices it offers.
Founder’s Note: The links to the book mentioned in this review are affiliate links. The review is unsponsored and sincere but the links to Amazon are paid.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Retreats offer community and an opportunity to explore extended periods of meditation. The problem, of course, is that busy people like lawyers may struggle to find the time. They may also feel a bit awkward about showing up to try such an intimate practice with people who feel like strangers.
Online Mindfulness Retreats Offer Flexibility for Busy Lawyers
The MILS Online Retreat, happening on October 26th, via Zoom offers a potential solution. I will be the first one to say that in-person retreats are superior to online retreats. In-person retreats offer the direct support of a group and there just isn’t a substitute to meditating when physically present with other people.
Online retreats, though, are an excellent option when in-person convening isn’t practical. In the case of Mindfulness in Law Society, with chapters and members spread across and outside of the United States, an online option is a good one. It makes the retreat more accessible to members with a range of time and life commitments.
The MILS Online Retreat Provides Lawyers a Community to Support Their Mindfulness Practice
The MILS Online Retreat Offers Lawyers a Chance to Try a Variety of Mindfulness Practices
With most meditation retreats, you will generally engage in a deep dive with one or maybe a few styles of practice. The MILS retreat is a little bit different. Because the MILS Online Retreat is led by several of the trained teachers who support the group, it has a variety of practices.
This means people who join in the MILS Online Retreat will get a chance to explore a variety of meditation practices. For example, this year, I plan to offer a “Jewel Tree” practice that I discovered in Ethan Nichtern’s new book on Confidence. This practice about drawing strength from one’s ancestors and mentors will be a nice complement to other meditation offerings.
Last year, the MILS Online Retreat also featured some movement practices, including walking meditation, qi gong, and gentle yoga practices. In this way, if the idea of sitting all day seems intimidating to you, the MILS Online Retreat is perfect because you will not be sitting all day.
The MILS Online Retreat Is Not Just for Lawyers
One other great thing: the MILS Online Retreat is not just for lawyers but for anyone in the legal profession. This includes lawyers, law professors, law students, judges, judicial staff, and paralegals.
Though membership in MILS is a prerequisite to participating in the retreat, the annual membership fee is not onerous. In addition, now MILS offers access to all members to a growing repository of online resources so that you can learn more about mindfulness.
Additionally, law students may join MILS and participate in the retreat for free.
How to Register and Join the MILS Online Retreat
To register and join the MILS Online Retreat, you can use the QR Codes in the image for this post. You can also find details and register at the MILS Events page here. If you aren’t a member, you will be prompted to join first and then you can register for the event.
After you are registered, you will get a Zoom link as the event date approaches and then you join by Zoom. If you can’t make the whole event, you can participate as you like and drop off whenever your schedule requires.
If you aren’t able to attend but are still interested in MILS, be sure to check out the MILS Virtual Sits. These are free guided meditation practices offered twice weekly via Zoom. Like other MILS events, they are open to lawyers and all others in the legal profession.
If you have any questions, please reach out to me and ask. I hope to see you there or at a MILS Virtual Sit soon.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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World Mental Health Day is coming up on Thursday October 10th and I am pleased to be celebrating it in a big way. I have three, yes three, continuing legal education virtual presentations coming up next week. Two are state specific, but one is available in several jurisdictions and one is completely free. All are eligible for ethics continuing legal education credit.
Check out the details below.
Kentucky Bar Association
On Tuesday October 8th, Claire will present an ethics seminar for the Kentucky Bar Association “Learn and Earn” program. The session is at 12 PM EST and offered virtually. This means you can eat lunch, get CLE credit, and it is free.
If you can’t make it on Tuesday or practice outside of Kentucky, no worries. The session on Tuesday is the same one that Claire will be offering on LawLine. After Wednesday, it will be on demand. Scroll down or check out my Events page for more.
LawLine
On Wednesday, October 9th at 10 AM EST, Claire will offer the virtual CLE entitled The Truth About Compassion Fatigue, Managing Empathic Overwhelm. This will be available for CLE credit in multiple jurisdictions. You will have to purchase it through LawLine or use your firm subscription.
On October 10th, the official date for World Mental Health Day 2024, Claire will offer a virtual CLE for the Pennsylvania Bar Institute. This one is inspired by her book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer. It will be for continuing legal education ethics credit and will include an overview of the 4 practices offered in the book: (1) breath focus; (2) body scan; (3) joy; and (4) loving-kindness.
This session is for anyone interested in what makes mindfulness and compassion badass and why it matters to lawyers. In addition to briefly explaining the meditation practices, Claire will share why each of them works. Learn more and register for the live presentation here. If you can’t attend on October 10th at 10 AM EST, the CLE will be available to watch on-demand later.
Conclusion
It is an honor and a privilege to have something to offer the profession in honor of World Mental Health Day. Join in next week if you want to learn, meet me virtually and say hello, or if you just need some ethics credit.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I was asked to talk to a law school class this week about anger management in the legal profession. I’m not stranger to anger. As a litigator, it is something that comes up in my law practice frequently. As a wife and mother, I’d be lying if I pretended anger didn’t arise at home too.
Mindfulness practices and training have shifted my perspective on anger. They have improved it for the better. These practices have given me essential tools for managing anger at home and work. Here are some thoughts on anger for lawyers and some simple steps you can take to manage it better.
Anger is not all bad.
Anger is a volatile emotion and all of us know that it can lead to damaging, if not disastrous, conduct. But does that mean it is bad in itself?
From a mindfulness perspective, the answer is no. To the contrary, when viewed through that lens, emotions don’t have moral value. Instead, mindfulness calls on us to observe things, including our emotions, without judgment.
1. There can be good sides to anger.
One thing we may observe if we can look at anger nonjudgmentally is that it serves a useful purpose in our lives. Anger can help us clarify what matters, motivate us to act when needed, and enforce boundaries.
One reason we are right to distrust anger is that it is an exceptionally hard emotion to control. That is in part because of the energy it inspires. This energy, though, is exactly why anger is useful. It can force us to pay attention to things we had been ignoring or overlooking. It can highlight our values and standards even when we may find it more convenient to sweep them under the rug.
Anger can also offer a protective force for some of our more vulnerable emotions. When you watch anger long enough, you may find sadness, fear, or overwhelm lurking below the surface. Some of us may be primed to reject or judge these soft emotions, so anger has the potential to lead us to more wisdom about all of our emotions.
2. Most of us have judgments about anger.
Despite these potentially good aspects, most lawyers and people may have judgments about anger. In many cases, these judgments have been informed by our culture, families, religions, and professions. Some of us may have been validated for our anger, while some may have received messages implying that anger is off limits. Most of us are bound to have experienced a mix of these messages, which can add to the confusion surrounding the emotion.
In this way, an important step in understanding anger is to explore our own judgments about it. A complete analysis of this will also consider the cultural and developmental messages we received about anger. This might include whether we feel entitled to experience anger, how and whether anger should be expressed, and whether anger has any proper purposes.
What is anger? Seriously. What is it?
Because there are so many judgments about anger, it is important to ask what it really is. Even if it sounds like one, this is not a trick question or a philosophical one. With this point, I am prompting you to consider as directly as possible what anger is. When anger arises, what exactly do you experience?
Understanding anger clearly and directly is a fundamental mindfulness practice. When you know what anger is, you can learn how to manage it better.
In general, you are likely to experience some combination of (a) thoughts; and (b) feelings or sensations in the body. If you watch angry thoughts that arise, you are likely to notice a pattern. They may include some form of judgment or reaction and they often relate to some kind of boundary or rules violation or an unmet need.
The physical sensations of anger may vary for each of us, but what often arises is a surge of energy. Heat, power, and intensity are some of the most common markers of anger, as illustrated by artists and poets over the course of human history. In general, this energy motivates action but as we know the action is often not measured or thoughtful.
Anger should not be a way of life.
Though anger is a normal and necessary human emotion, medical science, life experience, and most world religions agree it is not a good way of life. For lawyers who train in the art of judgment and deal regularly with high-conflict situations, anger can easily become habitual. Why?
If you pay close attention to anger, you will notice a strange thing. Anger can feel volatile, scary, and uncontrollable at times. We may experience shame and regret after the fact. But in the moment, anger may feel good. It may make us feel powerful, energized, and crystal clear about the rules of life.
Think about it. Doesn’t it feel kind of good when you write the email reply telling the opposing counsel you can’t stand how wrong they are? In the flurry of emotion and energy, I bet you feel powerful, filled with creative arguments and poetic language, and most of all, right.
This is one of the things about anger that makes it so dangerous. The Buddha rather famously and accurately said that anger has a “poisoned root’ and a “honeyed tip.” Just like alcohol or drugs, anger can be intoxicating and addictive.
What is good anger management?
Based on all of this, you may be wondering what anger management means. There are a number of clinical opinions and high-quality programs for anger management. From a mindfulness perspective, though, good anger management for lawyers would include:
Awareness of the role anger plays in one’s life and work;
Understanding of the impact of anger in one’s relationships and community;
The ability to feel, hold, and understand anger;
Skillful and nonviolent navigation of situations involving anger; and
Effective strategies to avoid or mitigate anger.
Simple steps to start managing anger better.
This list above might sound like a tall order, especially for lawyers who work with anger nearly every day. In truth, it is a tall order for everyone. Our culture is steeped in anger right now, so changing our relationship to it may feel like swimming upstream.
In this regard, a healthy dose of perspective and self-compassion is in order. Building quality anger management skills may take time and require support, including from trained professionals, especially in the case of mental health challenges or past trauma. With this in mind, here are some steps that you can take to begin cultivating better anger management skills in your own life and work:
1. Explore messages and judgments about anger.
This is something that will definitely take time and may require help from loved ones, a therapist, spiritual leaders, or a coach to fully consider. However, some prompts for personal exploration might include the following questions:
What significant memories do I have around anger?
What reactions do I have when someone directs anger towards me?
What personal reactions or judgments come up when I experience anger?
What cultural, religious, or professional messages about anger are prominent for me?
Is there any way that aspects of my identity (race, gender, age, job title/role, educational background, etc.) affect my experience of anger?
2. Learn your anger patterns.
Again, this one will take some time and definitely some self-compassion to explore. Things to look for and consider include the following:
What is the context in which anger arises for you most commonly?
Are there certain things or situations that trigger your anger most clearly?
What is your response to anger (including mental or emotional reactions and behavior)?
Do you feel like you can manage anger skillfully and if not, what are some possible impediments to doing so?
Do you take the time or have established practices to process or understand your anger after you have regained calm?
3. Find ways to hold and use anger energy.
There are possibly countless ways to learn to hold the energy that anger creates and put it to good use. Some of the most common and accessible include the following:
Sitting with anger and watching it until it fades. Notice where it shows up and how long it lasts. (Hint: it may be shorter than you think.)
Looking for signs that other emotions lie beneath the anger (Hint: look for sadness, fear, overwhelm, or loneliness.)
Move. Exercise is great. Housework can be great. Taking a walk around the block can blow off steam. Yoga may help you chill and release bodily tension.
Take action. If something makes you mad, there may be a good reason for it. The energy of anger can inspire courage. As long as you remain steady enough, let it move you to act or to express your needs clearly.
Write or talk it out. Writing or venting can be a good way to release energy when it gets mixed up with thoughts. Watch out for this becoming excessive but short bursts can help you find clarity.
4. Learn to manage and question judgments.
This is yet another skill that can take some time to develop. The effort can be worthwhile, though, because the mental side of anger is often tied up with our judgments. As this blog frequently explores, meditation is something that can help with this because the practice is about noting our judgments. Other possible options include:
Catching yourself in a reaction. In your daily life, try to catch yourself in a reaction. Look for the judgment at the core.
Talking with friends or trained professionals. Social support is essential but outside perspectives can help us check our judgments and assumptions.
Evaluating needs v. preferences. Once you have started to catch yourself in judgment, you can next ask: is this a need or a preference? Needs may make anger worth it, but preferences may not.
Looking at our influences. We don’t like to admit it but our judgments are often informed by the people in our lives, past experiences, and media we consume. Looking at how these influences affect us and shape our anger can teach us a lot.
5. Practice re-orienting yourself to goodness.
Given that anger management may feel like swimming upstream in an angry culture and profession, my last tip is about perspective. Many lawyers regularly face situations involving anger that they cannot totally control or avoid. In general, people these days are lonely, overwhelmed, too busy, and lost in their own thoughts and judgments.
As a result, you may feel like anger management practices are impossible. Instead of expecting to avoid anger altogether, though, consider a view that instead your efforts are part of a practice of reorienting back to goodness. Yes, our angry culture and profession may encourage you to fight, close your mind and heart, and judge yourself and others.
An important anger management practice, then, is to build moments and practices into your day that do the opposite. These are ones that open your mind and heart, and encourage collaboration, connection, and rest. These might include practices like meditation, yoga, spiritual practices, creative efforts, or time with loved ones. These are essential practices for living a good life, but should be priorities for anyone who regularly faces anger in their life and work.
Conclusion
These are some thoughts on anger and how mindfulness practice and perspective can help lawyers and others manage it better. These ideas are not substitutes for quality mental health support or stress management and they expressly discourage self-judgment in response to one’s own anger. Instead, this post is offered to help lawyers and others understand anger to better support their communities and their own well-being.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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It’s a Monday night and I am trying to get myself into writing mode. My weekend plans blocked my normal motivation to write. Now I am stuck in last minute work mode and trying to find the motivation to crank something out. Then it hit me. My own life advice suddenly went careening through my mind. “Just do five minutes,” it bellowed.
And that, dear readers, is the post for today. The five-minute rule-or hack or strategy or cudgel for those really bad days-is something that has saved many a healthy habit for me, including meditation. It’s very simple, which makes it a perfect for those low energy times.
What is the five-minute rule?
The five-minute rule is not really a rule. I am not sure it has any basis in research. It’s not necessarily a scientific thing. Rather, it’s a practical thing. Finding motivation can be a challenge for any healthy habit and it can be especially hard for meditation. Why?
What’s the answer to this problem? One simple answer is to cut down on the time you spend noticing how much you aren’t feeling it. This is where the five-minute rule enters the chat in the form of a motivational GIF and a caption that says “bruh, you can do anything for 5 minutes.”
The five-minute rule as applied to meditation.
I’ll explain this in less figurative language in case my metaphor and old millennial text speak was confusing. The five-minute rule is this: you do the thing you don’t want to do even though you know you should, but only for five minutes.
If your normal meditation habits is, for example, 20 minutes, you don’t worry about that. Instead, you just commit to 5 minutes. Then at the end you notice how you feel.
In many cases, you may find that (magically) your mood has changed and you may want to do more. If that happens, go with it. If you do not feel better and hate every second, you should instead stop, let it be, and praise yourself profusely for trying.
Why five minutes of meditation matters.
You skeptics out there may wonder why this matters. You may think 5 minutes of meditation or any other healthy habit doesn’t matter. Perhaps you may be right if you are thinking of the five-minute activity by itself.
Short sessions done strategically when needed, though, serve another arguably more significant function: they preserve the habit. If you meditate for five minutes, that’s another day you have meditated and think of yourself as someone who meditates. In fact, if you meditate for a short burst on the days you aren’t feeling it, that isn’t just practicing the habit but committing to it.
Does this work for other activities?
You may be wondering if this hack can work for other activities too. Yes it can. Case in point, I used it for this blog post. I wasn’t sure I felt like writing, but I told myself I would try a few minutes. A few paragraphs in, I found my flow and discovered I was enjoying myself while typing away.
I have done the same thing for exercise too. As I have written before, I usually love my Peloton workouts. Some days, though, I am not into it. My strategy on those days is to do a warm up, which is usually-you guessed it-5 minutes. By the end, I usually feel better. But if I don’t, I quit, praise myself for trying, and call it quits.
Does it have to be five minutes?
Lastly, you may wonder whether the five-minute rule truly has to be five minutes. I’m the meditation teacher that says self-discipline is overrated. Do you really think I am going to be strict on this one? Of course not.
For the hack to work, I recommend investing enough time and to give yourself time to adjust and assess how you feel. However, there’s no reason you can’t try a period less than 5 minutes. For instance, if your normal meditation practice is 10 minutes, a shorter period of 2-3 minutes might make more sense.
Remember: your meditation practice is your practice. The good thing about mindfulness is that it calls you to pay attention. If something doesn’t work for you, notice it and try something else.
Conclusion
In short, when motivation to meditate is low, you don’t necessarily have to fight it. Instead, you could try going with it by reducing the amount of time that you meditate. You may find after five minutes of practice and want to do more, but even when you don’t you may preserve your habit and your identity as someone who meditates. Next time you find yourself unmotivated to sit, remember the rule: just do 5 minutes.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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It’s been a while since I have been on a podcast, but I have come to recognize that sometimes there are seasons in life. For much of the year, I have been working on other big projects, including editing a legal treatise and developing new courses for mindfulness and attorney well-being. In the last few weeks, though, the season started to shift. I’m finishing up the treatise and the courses are now out in the world.
As if on cue, I got lined up to do several podcasts and I may be launching one myself soon for FDCC, a legal association for which I now serve as the chair of the wellness committee. Today, I am pleased to share two that I recently did with the Tattooed Buddha podcast.
Podcast 1: My interview
In the first podcast episode, I am the guest. As I have shared, I recently started contributing posts to the Tattooed Buddha blog under the fun name , The Boddhisattva of Power Suits. The blog’s founder, Dana Gornall, invited me on the podcast to talk about all of my favorite things: meditation and my path to it, writing, and how we both manage life.
Dana made the interview easy and enjoyable. It’s always fun to chat process with other writers and I love talking about meditation with people who really understand it. Dana does both.
I was also pleasantly surprised to find that Dana and I had another thing in common too: special education. Dana is an ASL interpreter and sometimes works in education meetings and settings. As a school lawyer, part of my practice relates to special education.
When I started writing on the Tattooed Buddha, I joked about whether I fit there since I not a tattooed lawyer. The conversation with Dana is proof that sometimes, when you look below the surface, you can find many ways in which you fit.
I had done a review of the book Confidence by Ethan Nichtern for The Tattooed Buddha. In the course of planning that review, I reached out to Ethan to request permission to use the book cover in the post. He replied and granted consent.
Then Dana had the brilliant idea to invite him on the podcast. Dana couldn’t make the time when Ethan was available so Kellie Schorr, another Tattooed Buddha writer, author, and someone well-trained in Tibetan Buddhism, served as the host.
As I wrote in the review, I found Nichtern’s take on confidence to be refreshing and useful. It was gratifying to see that he avoided the hackneyed tropes that characterize confidence as rising above the muck and anxiety of life. Instead, his book offers strategies for living fully engaged in life but learning to handle it better.
All of these things came through well in the interview and the questions from two different perspectives offered a thorough discussion. I encourage you to listen and then check out Ethan’s book.
Where Can You Listen to the Podcasts?
You can find all the podcasts in the links to the Tattooed Buddha page above. You can also find them on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Stay tuned for more episodes because I am recording 3 more in the next few weeks and hope to get the one with FDCC that is specifically for lawyers launched soon.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I have seen a lot of comments on social media lately where people express an interest in meditation but complain that they just aren’t “good” at it. My answer usually includes some variation of the following: you don’t have to be good at meditation to benefit from it.
For lawyers and other Type A personalities, this may sound like crazy talk. Many of us are trained to think that we have to earn our stripes with something before it can help us. In truth, meditation is a skill and mindfulness and compassion are traits that can be strengthened with practice.
Meditation isn’t about mastery.
In this way, there is a learning curve when it comes to meditation. Does that mean meditation is fundamentally or principally about “mastering” the practice and becoming good at it? Not in my humble opinion.
To the contrary, meditation is sort of a rigged deck. Most people who do the practice never consider themselves good at it. This is because meditation is hard. Paradoxically, the simpler the style of practice one does, the more challenging you may find it to be.
The brain is not wired to stay focused on a single thing for very long. The default mode network of the brain kicks in when we are not intensely occupied and it causes the mind to wander. Thus, when you meditate, you are going against the grain (or should I say against the brain?).
Struggle is part of the practice.
In some ways, meditation is like strength training because the practice, in part, is learning to struggle. Though I generally enjoy exercise, I struggled mightily to build a strength training regimen a few years back. The reason? Strength training is not fun; instead it is a lot of struggle. When I do cardio, I get to move and enjoy music. But strength requires me to push really hard against a lot of weight.
Eventually, I got over this by figuring out a schedule that works and motivates me to keep going. One thing that helped me was seeing how much the strength training helped me. After a few weeks, I noticed that yoga was easier, cardio felt better, and those heavy doors downtown didn’t feel quite so heavy.
Don’t expect benefits in your meditation practice.
The same is true in meditation. You probably won’t notice huge benefits when you are struggling to focus on the breath in meditation. Since the practice is to notice when the mind wanders, it may feel like a struggle even if you are doing the practice right. But, during this practice time, this experience of struggle may be normal.
This is why some people may say they aren’t “good at” meditation. They see and feel the struggle and think that they aren’t making progress or feeling benefits. In reality, though, meditation isn’t where you will see the benefits most clearly. Just like with strength training, the real question is whether the practice is creating benefits in your life.
Look for the benefits of your meditation practice in your life.
Look for signs that you feel better, mentally or physically. Pay attention to whether you notice your mind wandering in real life and whether you can refocus. Over time, you may notice even more changes like:
If meditation feels like it is all struggle, though, get some help.
This is not to say, of course, that you should just “suck it up” when it comes to meditation. After practicing for a while, you should expect that the practice may get a bit easier and I hope you can learn to enjoy it. If that doesn’t happen, though, you may have some options for helping yourself.
In short, I would encourage you as much as possible to let go of the idea that you have to be good at meditation. That’s not the point. Meditation is not about proving yourself, but just being yourself. The question isn’t whether you are good at meditation but instead whether it is good for you. Though I hope that anyone who tries meditation eventually learns to enjoy it, the signs that the practice is working for you are more likely to show up in your daily life.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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