4 Heart Practices that Lawyers Should Know

It’s Valentine’s Day this week, so it is only natural for my mind to be thinking about hearts. In this case, I am thinking about the heart practices or Brahma Viharas. I talk about loving-kindness practice here a lot because it is a wonderful practice for cultivating kindness and reducing judgment.

What are the Four Heart Practices?

In traditional Buddhism, though, loving-kindness is just 1 of the 4 heart practices that support good conduct and overall well-being. Each practice is unique but they all reinforce each other too. Lawyers or anyone who regularly deals with stress or conflict can gain a lot from working with them together.

Keep reading to learn more about the heart practices:

(1) loving-kindness;
(2) sympathetic joy;
(3) compassion; and
(4) equanimity.

Image showing four heart practices discussed in the post which are beneficial to lawyers: loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity

1. Loving-Kindness

Loving-kindness or metta as it is traditionally called is done to generate friendliness and a good nature towards oneself and others. And when I say “others” here, I mean it as broadly as possible. As I have explained before, loving-kindness practice is done by bringing individuals and then groups to mind and sending them wishes of well-being.

Language here is flexible but the traditional phrases are:

May you be happy;
May you be healthy;
May you be safe;
May you be at peace.

Traditionally, this practice starts with oneself and expands outward to extend kindness to literally all beings.

There are many applications for this practice but the most common reason for doing the practice is to cultivate kindness for everyone, including you. With time, the practice serves as an antidote to judgment and anger, a foundation for greater mindfulness, and a gateway to the other heart practices.

Image explaining loving-kindness, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

2. Sympathetic Joy

Sympathetic joy or “mudita” does not tend to get as much attention in my experience, but it is increasingly important these days. Anyone suffering from social comparison, jealousy, or in a competitive field can benefit from this practice. Yes, this of course means lawyers and most working professionals. That is because mudita is about cultivating joy in response to the well-being of others.

Mudita is commonly practiced with the same structure as loving-kindness but the phrases may be slightly different. Common sympathetic joy meditation phrases include:

May you be happy;
May your happiness continue;
May you appreciate your joy; and
I am happy for you.

As I discussed when I shared the interview of Tom Bussen, author of Enlightened Self-Interest, this practice can reduce jealousy, greed, and the impacts of living in a hyper-competitive culture.

Image explaining sympathetic joy, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

3. Compassion

Compassion, or “karuna” as it is called in Sanskrit, is another essential heart practice. Unlike loving-kindness and sympathetic joy, compassion is about cultivating kindness in the fact of difficulty. As I have explained before, compassion isn’t truly an emotion but is instead a response to suffering.

Compassion is also distinct from empathy. It goes beyond merely feeling someone’s suffering, though common feeling is often part of the experience. Instead, compassion arises when we are aware of suffering and wish or act to do something to alleviate it.

I find that compassion is often specific to circumstances so I offer a variety of phrases that might work to practice compassion in meditation:

May you be free of suffering
May you be safe and well in the midst of all this
May you live with ease and with kindness in the midst of this
May you be at ease with the changing conditions of my life
May you open to this pain with gentleness and compassion
May all who experience this particular suffering be held in kindness
May the suffering of this world be met with compassion
I care about you.
Your suffering matters to me
I see your suffering; it is hard.

It would likely become unwieldy to try to use all of these phrases, so it may be better to select 3 or 4 and work with those. Over time, you can change or substitute in phrasing to suit your needs. In addition, practicing compassion in sitting meditation is only the start. With time, this practice may support more compassionate conduct in life.

Image explaining compassion, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

4. Equanimity

Equanimity, or “upekkha”, is a trait that can be and often is cultivated with ordinary mindfulness practices. Put simply, it is non-reactive stability in the face of change, difficulty, and uncertainty. Learning to sit and be with experience when you do a practice like breath focus or body scan can help you cultivate a foundation of equanimity that supports overall mindfulness and well-being.

Equanimity is also important from a heart perspective, though, because it is essential for balancing kindness, joy, and compassion. Recall that kindness does not mean just being “nice” and compassion does not mean sacrificing oneself in all cases. Equanimity supports healthy boundaries and clarity about our role in a given situation or relationship.

Like compassion above, equanimity might be affected by context. Here are a selection of phrases that you could use to cultivate equanimity in meditation:

All beings are responsible for the suffering or happiness created by their own actions;
May you find peace exactly where you are;
No matter how I might wish things to be otherwise, things are as they are;
I care for you, but I cannot control your happiness and unhappiness;
May we all accept things as they are;
I wish you happiness but cannot make your choices for you; and
I can allow what is here and offer what is needed.

Image explaining equanimity, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

Conclusion

When done on their own, each of the individual practices has much to offer lawyers and other professionals. Over time, though, exploring all of the practices together can strengthen and stabilize the heart, body, and mind. Relationships are an essential part of living a good life and the four heart practices, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity, can support us as individuals in relation to other people. As you think about hearts this Valentine’s Day, think about the four heart practices too.

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Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

How to Practice Gratitude without Being Fake

Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days. This holiday is one that is pretty easy for me to love because cooking and eating are two of my favorite things. You get to do both on Thanksgiving and you only have to spend one day with your extended family. Seems perfect, right?

Oh yeah, I forgot about gratitude. In some form or fashion, you may be asked to reflect on or proclaim your gratitude. I don’t doubt the myriad studies that say gratitude is good for us. I appreciate the need to express and receive gratitude. But, as a lifelong pigheaded person, I refuse to feel something on demand.

Forcing Gratitude Doesn’t Work

Honestly, it’s not even truly refusal. I could decide to go along with the little game of gratitude to amuse my family or shut them up. But I would know in my secret heart of hearts that I don’t really feel grateful. What I really feel is resentful.

This same phenomenon is why I also can’t do positive affirmations. They don’t make me feel strong, calm, empowered or loved. They make my mind argue and my mind already does this well enough on it’s own. In short, despite the best intentions of these positive practices, I just can’t force my mind or heart to go in a direction it’s not already inclined to go.

Then How Can You Practice Gratitude?

So, what’s the key here? How can someone like me practice gratitude in a way that’s not fake? One way, of course, is to notice when genuine gratitude comes up, savor it, and where appropriate share it. I do this and it feels really good.

But can I cultivate gratitude otherwise? Despite my mental and emotional blocks against fakery, I have discovered a hack. I have written many times about my fondness for loving-kindness practice. One of the reasons I love this practice so much is that it serves as a gratitude practice for me.

I don’t go into the practice hoping for gratitude but it almost always shows up as a wonderful side effect. When I bring to mind the people I love and care about and wish them well, invariably I also feel gratitude that they are in my life. Strangely, I even sometimes feel gratitude to myself and to the difficult people in my life as the practice progresses.

Try This Gratitude Meditation

This is why I am sharing a gratitude meditation that is really a modified loving-kindness practice. It follows the same traditional pattern, but instead of wishing the phrases of peace and well-being it includes an offering of gratitude. I did this one for a Mindfulness in Law Society Virtual Sit and remembered how much I liked it.

To try out the practice, find it here or on our YouTube channel or on Insight Timer. Please have a wonderful holiday weekend. I am honestly and sincerely grateful to have you as a reader and meditation friend.

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Join the Meditation for World Peace on Sunday Evening

There is a lot going on in the world right now and it can be overwhelming. As I have written before, one thing that helps me in times of overwhelm is to connect with my community. It helps to remind me that I am not alone and that I have power to make a difference, even if I can’t fix everything.

For this reason, I am grateful to have some friends who believe the same thing. Last year, my friend Tahmina Watson invited me to participate in a meditation for peace after the news reports of devastation in Palestine began to emerge. I was grateful for the invitation because guiding meditation with a community is a truly special gift. I was also glad to be able to offer something good during that time.

Unfortunately, the situation in Palestine continues to emerge and every day brings us news reports of other problems and conflicts in the United States and around the world. The need to gather and sit in peace still exists because the need to go out into the world with kindness is so critical.

That is why Tahmina and her friend, Jigna Patel, decided to expand the meditation for peace that happened only once last year into a series of meditations, running from January to March. This Sunday, February 4th at 6 PM EST, I will be guiding the session. I have decided that an expanded version of my “Look to the Helpers” Guided Meditation is most appropriate.

This practice is derived from loving-kindness practice, but is truly intended as a practice in self-compassion. The practice is about regaining strength to continue facing the world and doing good work by connecting with common humanity, an essential element of self-compassion.

Anyone can join the practice on Zoom here at 6 PM PST/9 PM EST on Sunday evening. If you cannot join, however, a shorter version of the practice I am offering is on YouTube. Additionally, Tahmina and Jigna will share all of the meditation practices at the Meditation for World Peace Podcast.

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Five Reasons Loving-Kindness Practice Is Perfect for Hard Days

When I teach compassion, one of the things I always say is that the giver of compassion is the first person to benefit. This is true from a scientific standpoint; the act of compassion causes the release of the hormones associated with satisfaction, love, and connection. Life experience has also helped me learn the truth of this idea too.

On hard days, my favorite meditation practice is loving-kindness. This practice is one intended to help you expand your heart and send kind wishes out. It starts with yourself and your inner circle, then expands to neutral and difficult people, and even the whole world. The end result, as I have often found, is that my dark and stormy mood turns to gratitude, openness, and even hope.

Here are the five reasons why loving-kindness practice helps.

1. Loving-Kindness Meditation Feels Good.

On hard days, it makes sense to take care of ourselves. Think about some of the typical things you might do in order to care for yourself on a hard day. It might be taking a warm bath, making a nice cup of tea, wrapping yourself in a warm blanket, talking to a friend, or taking a a walk. The pattern with all of these things is that they are all comforting, soothing, warming, nourishing, and supportive.

Loving-kindness practice is too. For one thing, it starts with sending kindness to yourself and tending to your own needs. Then it moves on to connect with your loved ones and ultimately the whole of humanity. It’s not intended only as a mental exercise either. The object of the practice is to cultivate feelings of loving-kindness.

If you give yourself time and pay attention, you will find that love feels good. It feels warm, open, expansive, and soothing. Though it might be hard to transition to such a practice on a hard day, it is a perfect one for a hard day for this reason.

Image with question and answer about what loving-kindness meditation practice is, as explained in the post

2. Loving-Kindness Meditation Is a Sneaky Gratitude Practice.

We all know the studies about gratitude. It is good for your mental health. It grounds you and connects you which might be great on a hard day. The only problem is, of course, that gratitude on a hard day can be a challenge.

Have you ever experienced difficulty and had a well-meaning loved one tell you to “be grateful” or to “think of all of your blessings”? How does that go? My experience is that it usually feels like a deflection and leads to hostility. Forcing yourself to feel good when you feel bad does not work.

Loving-kindness is not about force. It’s just about well wishes. And after you send those wishes to yourself, the practice guides you to a loved one and then a mentor. Gratitude is not the intent of the practice but that is almost always what I feel. I also remember that I am not alone in facing whatever hardship is there.

I call this a “sneaky” gratitude practice because it’s not a goal of the practice. Because I let the pressure come off with loving-kindness, I find gratitude often emerges on its own.

3. Loving-Kindness Meditation Reminds You of Your Place in the World.

Have you ever noticed how your mind shifts and morphs on hard days? It can make everything seem terrible, bad, and rotten. It can make you think only bad things about yourself and others. It can also cause you to doubt yourself and believe goodness is not possible and change will never come.

Loving-kindness practice gets away from judgments and abstractions. It returns to where you are. It starts with envisioning yourself and what you do in the world and then envisioning the people in your life. In other words, before you try to send love out to the world, the practice embeds in your family and community.

What I find with this practice is that it reminds me of my place in the world. I may not be able to change the news cycle or the government or even the results in a particular case. The practice shows me, however, that I can show care to myself, my family, and even avoid doing extra harm to the people I find challenging. I see this as reminding me of my daily work and my everyday power.

Image of woman meditating with quote that says "I do loving-kindness on hard days because it often turns my dark and stormy moods into gratitude, openness, courage, and even hope."

4. Loving-Kindness Meditation Is Flexible.

One of these barriers is that many people struggle with sending loving-kindness to themselves. In addition, the later stages of practice call for you to send kind wishes out to “difficult people” and strangers. This might be a challenge on easy days and feel impossible on hard days.

The good news? The traditional practice can be modified in so many ways to account for these issues. You can start with a loved on first and omit the difficult people, as in the practice I share at the end of this post. This isn’t a destruction of the practice. It’s a recognition that we are human and have needs and limits.

In fact, even if you do a traditional loving-kindness practice with the whole list of people, the guidance typically is to not try to send kind wishes to your worst enemy first. In addition, you can even change the phrases to suit your particular needs best. The practice is intended to be flexible and individuated.

On a hard day when our thoughts are heavy, modifying loving-kindness practice is a way to meet ourselves where we are. This act of loving-kindness, you will likely find, is a condition that may help you cultivate more kindness for others over time.

Image with options for modifying loving-kindness meditation practice as discussed in the blog post

5. Loving-Kindness Meditation Helps You Offer What Is Needed.

It’s comparatively easy to mirror back the emotion we are picking up from the rest of the world. When we have a hard day, it is so natural to stay with all the hard emotions that come with it. And in life, when we are greeted with hostility and judgment it’s so simple to just mirror that emotion and send it back.

One thing about meditation that has been a huge change is the recognition that I don’t have to do this, at least not every time. Sometimes, I have found, I am able to pick up a lot of emotion from circumstances, others, or my own head, and I can choose something else. On really special occasions, I can make the choice to offer what is needed and it has made all the difference.

On a hard day, what is needed? Most of the time, it is love and kindness though of course we need to remember that love and kindness can and should include firm action. I like loving-kindness as a practice on hard days because it is practicing offering what is needed in the world. It helps me find hope, courage, and stability on days when those are in short supply.

These are the reasons I come back to loving-kindness practice on hard days. If you want to try the practice for yourself, check out the Cultivating Kindness and Sending It Out Guided Meditation. This one is crafted for hard days because it starts with your loved ones and then turns to yourself before sending kindness out. You can check it out on YouTube or on Insight Timer.

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Join Us for a Collective Meditation for Peace

The events in Jerusalem last weekend have been devastating for so many friends for a variety of reasons. This post is offered as a wish for all of the blog’s readers and friends to be happy, healthy, safe, and at ease.

I know in times of difficulty, it can be very hard to remember that goodness remains possible. Several times in my life, though, I have had the experience where friends helped me reconnect with something good even in the midst of difficult situations.

On September 11th, a woman in my dorm brought me along with a group to give blood. In 2017, after the bruising election season of 2016, my mom’s group organized a donation drive to support local homeless shelters. Even though these acts didn’t solve the problems that motivated them, they did good and they helped me remember that there is always good to do.

This week, my author friend and heroic lawyer Tahmina Watson invited me to help guide a meditation for peace on Sunday evening. Like the other events, this one features friends too. Jigna Patel, the Mindful Divorce Coach, will start the session. I will lead a loving-kindness practice, which has always been a source of strength for me on difficult days. And Amaris Vicari of The Beneficial Element will close out the session with a brief reflection.

The event is Sunday, October 15th at 7 PM PST/10 PM EST on Zoom. You can register here. Registration is required to obtain the link to join on Zoom but the event is free and open to all. I hope that you can join us but if not I plan to have a recording of the meditation on Insight Timer and in our Guided Meditations soon.

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Meditation Teacher Sharon Salzberg Helps Us Bring Mindfulness Into Real Life

I have read a lot of books on mindfulness and followed many meditation teachers over the years. Some help me understand the practice of meditation better. Some help me understand myself better. But Sharon Salzberg has helped me understand life better.

Sharon Salzberg is one of the most well-known teachers of mindfulness in the world. She has been teaching for more than four decades, is a founder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, the author of numerous books (which I’ll mention below), and the host of the wildly popular Metta Hour podcast. This is a fantastic resume to be sure, but it’s not what I like most about Salzberg.

Salzberg Makes Mindfulness Accessible

What I like most is that, despite this resume, Salzberg’s teachings don’t come across as esoteric, ethereal, or even professorial. They are down-to-earth, practical, and human. If you read her books or listen to her podcast, it’s immediately clear that Salzberg knows her stuff but she always talks to you and never at you.

In fact, though I certainly have experienced a mind and heart expansion from reading Salzberg’s works, reading them didn’t feel like being taught. Instead, reading Salzberg’s books felt more like talking about life with a wise friend or good neighbor.

Salzberg on Loving-Kindness Meditation

If you are reading this blog, the odds are that you have heard of Sharon Salzberg and you may have already encountered some of her works. What you may not realize and what I didn’t appreciate until I sat down to write this post is how extensive and broadly applicable her work was.

Salzberg is perhaps most well-known for her teachings on my favorite meditation practice, loving-kindness. But what I hope you get from this post is that her work can help you learn how to live loving-kindness too.

Meditation Books from Sharon Salzberg

To more clearly illustrate what I am talking about here, I provide a few summaries of the books from Sharon Salzberg that I have enjoyed the most:

Loving-Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness

This is a book that explains the practice of loving-kindness in depth. It discusses each aspect of the practice to support the process of opening the heart more broadly. As I explain in my own book, loving-kindness is a dynamic practice that includes both body awareness, mental imagery, and emotional understanding. This book breaks the practice down in a simple way to help support you in your practice.

Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves & the World

This book is for anyone seeking stability and inspiration to keep working to make the world a better place. I read this book years ago as I was reeling from the bruising 2020 election and I can’t tell you the healing it brought me. It explains how mindfulness can be a stabilizing force in the work towards change and how compassion can inspire action even amid fear. She also offers more resources relating to political action and election stress on her website which is bound to be helpful to many as we head into a new election cycle.

Books Applying Mindfulness to Real Life

In addition to her books teaching meditation practices, Sharon Salzberg also has books applying mindfulness to life.

Real Happiness at Work: Meditations for Accomplishment, Achievement & Peace

The goal of this blog is to help lawyers and professionals not just learn about meditation but bring mindfulness into their lives and work. That’s the goal of this book from Salzberg too. It embeds mindfulness concepts and practices into the life of work. What I like best are the micro practices sprinkled into every chapter to help you incorporate mindfulness into your work regardless of your experience (or lack thereof) with meditation practice.

Real Life: The Journey from Isolation to Openness & Freedom

This is Salzberg’s latest book. There are many teachers who talk about the process of contracting or tightening during difficulty, including Tara Brach. This book, though, explains how easy it is to do that habitually throughout our lives. It offers teachings about how to open back up again to get what we actually want out of life: meaning, connection, and peace. In a time when the world seems intent on making us afraid and isolated, this book will help you rebalance again towards hope and calm.

Looking for More Meditation Instruction?

If you are interested in learning more, Salzberg frequently offers special events and courses where students can learn more. Fortunately, we can expect to see more from Salzberg. In her latest book, Real Life, Salzberg discussed the fact that she is going to be devoting more of her time to writing. This has already proven to be fruitful, with the recent release of a 10^th anniversary edition of her book, Love Your Enemies, which I discuss here.

Salzberg is a teacher who has made mindfulness practices accessible and approachable to thousands of people around the world. Whether you do a few of her guided meditations or do a deep dive into all of her books, you are bound to learn not just about mindfulness, but also some skills for life.

Founder’s Note: The links to the books discussed here are paid through the Amazon affiliates program. The reviews and recommendations to all books and the author are unpaid and are genuine and sincere.

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Companion Guided Meditations from How to Be a Badass Lawyer

It’s World Meditation Day today, a day to raise awareness about the practice of meditation and its benefits. To honor the day, I’m sharing four new guided meditations with a variety of practices and a range of times. These meditations are the recorded companions to the practices offered in my book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer.

As the book explains in more detail, these practices are offered to help you build a regular meditation practice. They offer a variety of practices so that, over time, you can better understand your body, mind, and emotions. With this foundation, you should have the basic skills needed to do the dynamic and transformational practice of loving-kindness. In addition, they range in time so that you can gradually build up your tolerance for meditation practice.

Keep reading to learn more about and try each practice.

Breath Focus Practice

Most meditation practitioners and teachers start with the breath and there’s good reason for that. It’s always with you and the breath is the link between body and mind that can reliably help you calm down. This means that getting comfortable with your breath and being able to use it as a tool is not just helpful as a resource for meditation practice but also a good tool for life. If you need help finding your breath, read more here.

But if you are ready to go, check out this 5-minute practice to get started.

Body Scan

One thing that can get overlooked when it comes to mindfulness is that the body is an essential part. Mindfulness of thoughts is only one aspect, but the body is a link that can help us cultivate awareness even of thoughts. Why? Because contemporary life invites us so frequently to reside in our heads and ignore our bodies.

Body scan is a practice that can help us get reacquainted with our bodies. It is a simple practice that many consider deeply relaxing. You systematically feel the sensations in the body. This is a practice that can help you understand how to take better care of your body (i.e. recognizing signs of stress or physical needs), relax and rest, and understand your emotions better.

To try this 10-minute practice, check it out here.

Joy Practice

Now, I bet you are wondering why I would tell you to practice joy. I have good reason. Did you know that, from a stress standpoint, the body doesn’t necessarily differentiate between what we consider positive emotions versus negative emotions? Thus, if we get more understanding and tolerance for positive emotions, we can understand all of our emotions better.

For many lawyers and professionals, though, positive emotions are the easiest ones to overlook. We are busy and expect good results so we may gloss over accomplishments and peaceful times because we are habituated to handle crisis situations. When we focus on joy, we heal and nourish ourselves and we cultivate emotional understanding at the same time.

Try this 15-minute practice, which incorporates breath and body work as well here.

Loving-Kindness

The final practice in the book is my favorite: loving-kindness. It is a practice where meditators focus on the body, usually the area around the heart, and wish others well. Though you may not think wishing will do a lot, research says otherwise. This practice is associated with reduced stress, improved relationships, and may even lead to more ethical conduct.

You can modify the practice to support your needs and goals and I have a guide here that can help you do that. This 20-minute practice, however, includes the traditional people, groups, and phrases. You can check it out here.

To learn more about the practices and how they fit together, check out my book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer. Good luck with the practices and please reach out if you have any questions.

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Review of Peloton’s Intro to Meditation Program

Image with title of blog post and picture of woman meditating with support of mobile device.

If you’ve followed the blog, you probably know by now that I am a fan of Peloton. Historically, however, I haven’t really used the Peloton platform to support my meditation practice because I prefer unguided meditation. Late last year, however, one of my favorite yoga instructors Aditi Shah announced the new intro to meditation program. As a maven of meditation, I did the program myself so I could tell you about it here.

Here’s an overview of the program, a summary of what I liked and didn’t like, and a bottom line conclusion for those of you considering it for yourself.

Program Structure

The Intro to Meditation Program structure is available on the Peloton app or any Peloton device. You don’t need any equipment to use it, though some headphones and a meditation spot or cushion sure help. The program is designed to be completed over the course of 3 weeks and consists of short (5-minute) instructional videos to explain basic concepts and 5 or 10-minute guided meditations for practice. The concepts covered include mindfulness of thoughts, mindfulness of body, metta (loving-kindness), and them mindfulness of emotions.

What I Like About the Program

Overall, I think the Intro to Meditation is a good start for those new to meditation and mindfulness. Here’s what I liked most.

It Has the Right Stuff.

In my new book, I created a structure for creating a mindfulness practice in 30 days. It included basic mindfulness, body awareness, reconnecting with joy (i.e. mindfulness of emotions) and loving-kindness. The Intro to Meditation program has these same concepts, though the order is different and it is presented in a different way. Thus, in terms of essential ingredients, I think Aditi and the Peloton team ticked the right boxes for the program.

I Love that It Includes Loving-Kindness.

This is a bit redundant from the point before, but it bears repeating: loving-kindness is a powerful practice that doesn’t get nearly enough attention. I was thrilled that the program devoted significant attention to the practice of loving-kindness. I was also glad that the program exposed those new to meditation to the practice because compassion is something that can make establishing a consistent meditation practice much easier.

Meditations Are Less Wordy.

I don’t normally do guided meditations because I enjoy silence, so I was pleasantly surprised that the program meditations actually included some silent spaces. I have done some Peloton meditations in the past that I wouldn’t even call meditations because they were so infused with imagery or storytelling that there was no space for my own awareness. These were comparatively less filled with words and allowed some space to experience the concepts taught in the program.

It Teaches Basic Concepts.

Peloton programs in my experience have instructed through the exercises themselves. I was pleasantly surprised when the Intro to Meditation Program included instructional talks to explain the basics of meditation and the science supporting it. In my experience, understanding the science of the practice has always helped me understand the “why” of what I was doing. As a result, I was glad that the Intro to Meditation program provided a context so that users could understand the practices as well as experience them.

Image with an overview of the 4 essential styles of meditation practice mentioned in the post: breath focus, body scan, loving-kindness, and mindful awareness of thoughts and emotions

Drawbacks of the Program

Even though I am a fan of Peloton and adore Aditi, I have to admit that the program is not perfect. Here are the things that I didn’t love about it.

Aditi Sounds Rehearsed at Times.

Aditi sounds pretty natural when I take her yoga classes, but she sounded rehearsed for most of the explanation videos. And, though I understand that Peloton sells fitness apparel, I thought it was silly that Aditi was wearing a sports bra with no shirt or sweatshirt when she was teaching the passive activity of meditation. To be fair, this was likely the result of a new format and the fact that Aditi was teaching in a new way. In order to get the content delivered in a time efficient way, she almost certainly had to be reading from a script. In other words, the experience of watching the explanation videos lacks the connection you might get even from other prerecorded Peloton classes.

Information Was Conveyed But Real Teaching Was Rare.

Along the same lines as the point above, the Intro to Meditation program provides information about meditation but it doesn’t really teach the subject. Clearly, this is a result of the forum and the intent for the program to only be an introduction to meditation. Even so, the explanation videos could have provided a few more stories or examples to give the content more life. The few that Aditi offered in the videos appeared heartfelt and were effective, so I hope future Peloton programs will dig a bit deeper on this point.

The Order of the Program Felt Scattered.

As I experienced when writing my book, it can be hard to identify the “best” starting point when teaching meditation. Though meditation practices often select a single focal point, our experience is rarely so isolated and usually includes a mishmash of sensory information, body sensations, thoughts, emotions, and external stimuli. Though I like that the Program included the right topics, I found the order somewhat confusing and scattered.

The Structure May Not Be the Best Tool for Establishing a Habit.

I am adamantly anti-perfectionist when it comes to meditation. I admit that I miss practice all the time and regularly have to revamp my own habits. Even so, when I do, the tried and true approach for me is getting back to a daily practice. My recommendation for those starting is to strive for a daily practice, even at shorter intervals, to put the habit on autopilot. The Peloton Program is not set up for daily practice, perhaps to avoid the “perfection trap.” While I respect that tactical choice, the drawback is that users of the Program may have a bit more difficulty establishing a practice.

Image of founder meditating with overlay of social media quote with conclusion from blog post

Overall Conclusion

The Intro to Meditation Program is an accessible tool to help the millions of Peloton users worldwide learn the basics of meditation practice. Though the Program doesn’t stand on its own to support a long-term meditation practice, that may not be a bad thing. It will likely leave users wanting more but meditation practice is to some degree about exploration. Because the Program makes trying meditation simple and easy, it is a good start for anyone new to meditation but hopefully not a final destination.

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Sending Loving-Kindness to Opposing Counsel Can Make You a Better Litigator

If I had to pick one style of meditation to recommend for lawyers, it would be loving-kindness practice. When I present seminars on mindfulness, I take any opportunity I get to talk about the practice or share it in a guided meditation. Loving-kindness meditation became my lifeline early in my law practice when I was struggling with the combative nature of litigation. I often turned to it after a lengthy deposition with a difficult witness or when I was freaked out by a case or project. It almost always calmed me down or reminded me that the world was not as dark and terrible as I may have felt before I sat to meditate.

If you aren’t familiar with it, loving-kindness practice doesn’t merely focus on the breath. Rather, it is a dynamic practice where the attention is usually focused on sensations in the heart as you bring individuals and groups to mind and send them kind wishes. Traditionally, these phrases wish that yourself and others are safe, happy, healthy, and at peace and the practice usually starts with oneself and moves outward from a loved one, mentor, neutral person, difficult person, one’s community, and then the whole world.

If you are litigator like me, the first “difficult person” to come to mind may be the opposing counsel who most recently drove you up the wall. Now, for those entirely new to the practice, I don’t usually recommend starting that way because you may find it, well, difficult to send loving thoughts to an adversary, especially if you don’t like them or respect their tactics. But, over time, if you can work your way up to sending loving-kindness to opposing counsel, it can really help.

Now, I know you may be thinking “why would I send kind wishes to someone who is literally trying to hurt me (in a professional sense)?” When you put it that way, it sounds crazy, I know. When it comes to the difficult person, however, I see the practice of loving-kindness sort of like forgiveness. You don’t really forgive others to help them; you do it to help you. Wishing loving-kindness to an opponent or anyone you dislike can soften the reactivity you have for that person and give you space and distance from the situation. Even if you struggle to really feel love for a difficult person initially, just attempting the practice can help you see how your reactivity is manifesting and that might put you in a better position to care for yourself and act more skillfully in the future.

I want to be clear, though, that loving-kindness for opposing counsel is not forgiveness. You don’t have to forgive anyone to do the practice and you certainly shouldn’t ignore or condone bad behavior. Instead, the practice is really about acknowledging that all humans want and need to be safe, happy, healthy, and at peace. It’s an acknowledgment that, even when things appear to separate us from others, we are deeply connected to all people just by virtue of being human. Thus, the paradox of loving-kindness practice is that it gives us distance from our judgments of others by helping us see how we are all connected.

This may sound good in theory, but you may be wondering what it has to do with litigation. In fact, it’s ideal for litigation. I’ve used this practice for an opposing counsel that I often litigated cases against and whose style was drastically different from my own. While I can’t boast that all my antagonistic and judgmental tendances abated, a few sessions helped me see my opponent as a person, rather than some blocking force who made me angry on a regular basis. Now, we have a good working relationship despite our frequent clashes. On a practical level, this has made me calmer and treat opposing counsel with more respect so that we can work together to discuss case scheduling or stipulations or even settle a case when the circumstances are right.

It’s even useful when settlement or conciliation aren’t the aims. Some worry that doing practices like loving-kindness might turn them into a flower child who can’t aggressively advocate for clients. That’s not been my experience. The practice can certainly evoke strong emotions and soften the heart. But it does not empty the head of rationality or logic. Instead, by facing the emotions I may have for difficult opposing counsel and sending them well wishes, I have generally experienced a release that has allowed me greater mental clarity and increased objectivity when it comes to my cases. In turn, this has made me calmer in the courtroom, more incisive in my analysis, and far more courageous in my advocacy.

By no means am I saying that loving-kindness or any kind of meditation can make litigation an easy thing. As an adversarial process where the stakes are frequently high, litigation tends to be difficult on all parties involved, including the attorneys. The difficult nature of litigation, however, is exactly why it helps when attorneys know how to avoid making the situation worse. As odd as it sounds and as uncomfortable as it may feel at first, loving-kindness practice is one tool that can make litigation less painful and litigators more effective. Though it doesn’t make litigation easy, it can help you feel more at ease and that’s why it is the practice I most frequently recommend for lawyers.

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Loving-Kindness Meditation Explained in Valentines

Valentine image for post with phrases from loving-kindness meditation

There is some incredibly promising research emerging relating to loving-kindness (metta) meditation. This practice, in which meditators send themselves and others well wishes, has been shown to impart incredible benefits, including stress reduction and improvements to relationships. It has even been shown to make people who do it consistently behave more ethically.

Loving-Kindness Meditation Is Dynamic and May Seem Complex at First

Despite this, loving-kindness practice is one of the more difficult kinds for meditators in the West and especially lawyers to practice. Culturally, many Americans aren’t used to wishing themselves well.

They may feel like they are being selfish or worry that the practice is sappy. Us skeptical lawyers who are trained in law school that we need to analyze problems without reference to our feelings may see the practice as a waste of time.

Loving-Kindness Meditation Is Like Sending Valentines

But it occurred to me that many of us are used to sending out nice cards for no real purpose every year. That’s what Valentine’s Day is all about. As kids in school, we didn’t just send those to sweethearts out to friends and classmates and usually even our teachers.

I tried to avoid giving them to kids I didn’t like in my class but my mom wisely and firmly encouraged me not to be stingy. The same idea is true in loving-kindness meditation. Though you start with friends and loved ones, you ultimately practice sending kindness out to all.

The People in Loving-Kindness Meditation

So, I thought it might help to briefly explain loving-kindness practice to you in those terms. As the slideshow below indicates, loving-kindness practice is sort of like sending out Valentines from your mind and heart. The practice starts with you, then moves on to others, including:

a loved one,

mentor (teacher, benefactor or supporter),

a neutral person, and

difficult person.

You don’t have to stress about the individuals you select for practice. At first, pick easy ones. Select a loved one who is easy to love, a benefactor to whom you feel genuine gratitude, and don’t start with your sworn enemy (read: opposing counsel you can’t stand) as your first difficult person. Eventually, though, you may find that you can expand out to new people and broader classes of people.

The Wishes in Loving-Kindness Meditation

As you bring these people to mind, you offer them warm phrases, such as:

may you be at peace,
may you be happy,
may you be safe,
may you be healthy.

If these phrases don’t work for you, you can select anything that does, such as “I hope you are healthy and safe.” For more help on this, check out The Heart of Loving-Kindness Practice Guide which offers tools to help you craft your own phrases. If you are really struggling, you can even try “I hope you have a nice day.”

The Groups in Loving-Kindness Meditation

At the end of the practice, you move from individuals to groups, expanding from

your family and friends,
your community, and
the world; and
all beings in the universe.

While this sounds very silly and highly ineffectual, it is amazing what happens when you experience it. In practice, the impact is one of grounding and recalling connection to your community and the shared humanity across the globe.

Beyond Wishing in Loving-Kindness Meditation

During the practice, one is generally instructed to focus attention in the area of the heart and notice the feelings that arise there. I have done this practice many times and literally felt my heart expand and open. While it is true that wishing someone well doesn’t change anything on its own, warm sentiments towards someone can affect your behavior and research shows that they can when it comes to loving-kindness practice.

This practice can be uncomfortable at first, so don’t push or judge yourself if you feel resistance or don’t feel anything at all. The point is to cultivate warm feelings and let your h eart grow, so give yourself time to let that happen.

How You Can Explore Loving-Kindness Meditation

Most meditation apps have loving-kindness practices, but they may call use words like “kindness”, “compassion” or even the traditional phrase “metta” to indicate them. Several of the meditations on our Resources page also feature loving-kindness type practices including:

the Body Breath Heart,
Responding to Nasty Emails,
Loving-Kindness for Business Networking,
Calm Work Performance Anxiety, and
the meditations for Caregivers and Gratitude.

In addition, my book is structured to gradually teach the foundational skills including loving-kindness practice.

Try Sending Some Loving-Kindness Out This Valentine’s Day

Because the world right now could certainly use it, I hope you will give loving-kindness practice a try. And this Valentine’s Day, I wish that you all may be happy, healthy, safe, and at peace.

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