Offering practical mindfulness instruction, tips, and resources to help take your legal mind from burdened to brilliant.
Author Archives: Claire E. Parsons
Claire E. Parsons is Of Counsel at Bricker Graydon Wyatt LLP in Cincinnati, Ohio. She has practiced for the last fifteen years in the areas of litigation, employment, local government law.
Claire is an active leader in her community and in the legal profession. She has led innovative charitable programs in her community, statewide legal organizations, committees relating to the promotion of women professionals. Claire is also a frequent writer and speaker for these and other organizations. She has published and spoken about numerous topics, ranging from complex legal issues, to law practice, networking and marketing, as well as mindfulness and wellness for lawyers and other professionals. She writes regularly on LinkedIn and even co-authored a book this year with 19 other women lawyers about how they used the platform to network and pursue career goals during the pandemic.
In 2013, Claire began a mindfulness practice early in her law career and as she was learning to be a new mom to her eldest daughter, Sophie. When Claire began the practice, she saw it gradually transform her life for the better by helping her to reduce overthinking, manage stress, and infuse compassion practices into her daily life. Over the next few years, she continued to study mindfulness practices and attend retreats.
In 2018, Claire began speaking and writing on these topics and she quickly became regarded as a resource for professionals as someone who can explain meditation practices in an approachable and practical way. She has completed more than 1000 hours of training to teach mindfulness and compassion, including meditation and a variety of other mind-body practices, including yoga, pranayama, and somatic healing. Claire has also authored two books, How to Be a Badass Lawyer and Mommy Needs a Minute. You can learn more and connect with her through the blog or on LinkedIn.
When I started meditating more than a decade ago, building new skills was the last thing on my mind. As I shared in a recent episode on the Lawyers Who Learn podcast, this is exactly what happened.
At that time, I was treading water and desperate for anything that might provide a little bit of relief. I was a new mom and a young litigation associate with a major case heading to trial. This is when I started meditating–one minute each day–and I was shocked when it actually helped me.
Over time, it helped my life and law practice so much that I started teaching. I share this story and a lot of insights about mindfulness on the podcast episode.
Obviously, Lawline found me through our past collaborations. However, I was pleased to appear on the podcast because it’s purpose is aligned with my own personal mission. The show explores how an attorney’s lifelong learning fuels their growth. On the podcast, there are many stories of attorneys like me who have learned new skills and used to improve their lives and law practices.
I also shared a lot about how I began teaching mindfulness to lawyers and professionals. Though I confess that I have always enjoyed public speaking, the truth is that it was very much a learning process. Importantly, I explained in the episode that a big turning point for me was learning to deal with fear.
What is the Biggest Insight about Meditation from the Episode?
My favorite part of the episode was when David asked me to explain how I finally decided to get started. People ask this for an obvious reason. Mindfulness practice may make you more aware, but it does not automatically make you more brave. Right?
When I started to notice fear and all the details surrounding it, I got a little bored with it. I realized I could tolerate it. After some time and a little work with self-compassion, I decided I could just let fear be there as I did whatever I wanted to do in life.
Where Can I Find the Lawyers Who Learn Podcast Episode?
If you want to check out the full podcast episode, you have a few options:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Sometimes thinking can block emotions and keep us from understanding what they mean. When emotions are complex, just thinking about them can just lead to more confusion. It can be hard to know what to do next when you aren’t even clear how you feel.
I recently worked through this situation myself and I know that I am not alone with this problem. Lawyers are paid to think and use our brains to solve problems. When difficult emotions arise, it can be hard to not rely on the skills we keep so sharp at work.
Unfortunately, my thinking was not solving my emotions. This is when I realized that I needed to put my lawyer skills aside for a moment and use the skills I have developed through mindfulness training. Here are the five mindful steps I took to process and understand my complex emotions.
1. Recognize Confusion about Emotions
Naming emotions is a tried and true strategy for getting needed distance and clarity from them. But what can you do when you aren’t sure what name to apply? Many lawyers don’t enjoy confusion like this. I know that I typically don’t. As a big thinker, it can be hard to not know what to think.
From the perspective of mindfulness, though, confusion is truly more of an open door than a roadblock. It’s a sign to look more closely or to reconsider your approach. Some of us may not be the best at naming our emotions if we haven’t practiced it much. If that is you, confusion about emotions could be a sign that you need to give them more time and space.
In my case, after years of mindfulness practice, I can usually identify my emotions pretty quickly. So, when I found myself unsure about what I was feeling, I took a step back and to try something else.
2. Let Go of Thinking (at Least Temporarily)
This led me to realize that my thinking about my emotions was not getting me anywhere. My attempts to name my emotions just led me to a lot of analyzing them. One thing you may notice if you pay attention is that emotions don’t always play by the rules of logic.
Instead, emotions often have their own logic. It usually doesn’t work to scrutinize them too closely or analyze them too intently. When you let the brain run wild, the thinking mind’s insatiable desire for rationality may cause your true emotions to hide.
Recognizing this in myself, I let go of thinking for a while.
3. Feel the Feelings in Your Body
Anyone who has meditated for even a few minutes knows that commanding oneself to stop thinking is useless. If you intentionally try to stop thinking, you will very likely just start thinking about why you should not be thinking.
What you can do, though, is to shift your attention. If you want to disrupt a thought chain, a tried and true strategy is to direct your attention to your body. This is also a great move if you are trying to understand emotions, since they often arise most prominently in the body.
In many cases, allowing the feelings to manifest exactly as they are will help you get clearer on what you feel. More significantly, opening to the emotions in your body may allow you to feel care and compassion for yourself.
4. Make Some Space for Exploring Thoughts
After I let my feelings say their piece, I often find that some attention to thoughts make sense. Sometimes this is because, after acknowledging my feelings, I am better able to name and understand them.
When thoughts emerge at this point, I don’t push them away. Instead, I allow some space for them. I find this to be an important step when I am conflicted because sometimes I feel one thing and I think something else. To really understand what my emotions are, I generally need to make some space for thoughts too.
For a few minutes after I sit with my feelings, I let the thoughts bounce around. The thoughts might include the names of my feelings or my reactions to them. It also might include strategies and approaches for moving forward or caring for myself.
What you should watch out for here is trying to think your way into feeling how you want to feel. Ease back by perhaps resting with the breath if your mind becomes unsteady, defensive, or invested in a certain answer. Don’t treat this like you are solving a problem. Instead, treat as an open space for gentle inquiry.
5. If Possible, Share or Express Your Emotions
Once you have taken time to feel your feelings and get curious about thoughts, you may understand your emotions better. If that is the case, a final great step would be to express them.
If this is not an option, you can also consider writing about your experience or your emotions. As a lawyer, I know that I sometimes don’t know what I think about a case until I write the brief. Emotions can be this way too. Sometimes writing can unlock something hidden from view until the words hit the page.
Regardless of how you choose to express your feelings, it is a good idea to do so. In many cases, emotions are messengers. Sharing your feelings on the page or with a friend can help you understand the message better.
Sometimes It Takes Time to Understand Your Emotions
Emotions can often be very simple. Some emotions, like anger or sadness, are hard to mistake. Even so, most lawyers and professionals deal with complex problems in our life and work. This means we are bound to encounter situations that invoke complicated, conflicted, and confusing emotions.
We may sometimes need a little bit of extra time and a systematic approach to making sense of how we feel. With a little bit of time, mindfulness, and self-compassion, it is possible to get clarity about confusing emotions.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Unintentionally over the last several months, I formed a nice self-care habit. Whenever I have time, I take a mindful walk after dinner. I wouldn’t call this walking meditation because it’s not quite so slow or focused. But I wouldn’t say it’s clearly outside of the realm of meditation either.
That’s because my mindful walking habit has become a real support for me. It helps me when my mind is busy, my spirits are low, or if I just need to move a little bit and enjoy a nice day.
If you want to try a making mindful walking part of your routine, this can tell you how. Here are the five key elements of a mindful walk.
1. Leave Your Phone at Home While Walking
This one is not a hard and fast rule. There’s no shame in using your phone for safety or to listen to a workout video or music to support your walk. Talking with a friend on your phone while you walk is also a great way to support a healthy habit.
If you don’t need it, though, I encourage you to leave your phone at home. One reason is that most of us are bombarded by screens in daily life. For that reason, taking a walk without your phone may feel really good. I leave my phone at home to avoid the temptation of looking at it and distracting myself from the walk.
In this way, the first way to to make your walk mindful is to leave your phone at home when you walk out the door.
2. Try Walking with No Destination
Another important thing to leave out of mindful walking is a destination. Sure, you can select a destination for a walk if you like, but it helps to leave the route open-ended.
Next time you walk somewhere, notice what happens when you walk with a destination. In my experience, having a set goal in mind means that the end location takes over. To really let the walk be about the journey, let the destination go.
If, like me, you don’t have the ability to walk “nowhere” easily, you can make this very simple. Pick the easiest two-way route you can and stick to that route. Over time, getting to your goal won’t be the thing; experiencing the walk will be the the most essential piece.
In short, if you want to take a mindful walk, it helps to let the destination go and just walk.
It’s not necessary to move at a snail’s pace to make space for mindful awareness with walking. But it helps if you can move slowly enough that you feel like you are savoring the experience of walking. Next time you take a walk, try to consciously take your time and notice what a difference it makes.
4. Mindfully Observe Your Surroundings
I know that we all don’t live or work close to what most of us would call nature. We may live near busy streets or urban areas with lots of activity. Though natural spaces are ideal for mindful walking, they are not necessarily essential.
Mindfulness isn’t just about trying to achieve a peak state or perfectly calm state. Instead, it’s about awareness with things as they are. As you walk, pay attention to your surroundings. Notice all the sensations. If you can walk near a natural setting, take full advantage of it.
Speaking of thoughts, my last tip is that you don’t have to fight them off during mindful walking. Inevitably as you walk, thoughts will arise. That’s no problem. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed at mindful walking. It just means you are human.
The good thing about thoughts when I am walking, though, is that it’s a bit harder to get sucked into them. When I walk, I am more in touch with my body because it is moving. There’s also a big wide world of space that makes any thoughts in my mind feel a little bit smaller.
Just as in meditation, you don’t have to clear your mind to take a mindful walk. Instead, with some time and patience, you can learn to let the thoughts come and go.
Give Mindful Walking a Try
Mindful walking can be a supportive way to get some movement, enjoy outdoors, reduce stress, and cultivate mindfulness. If you want to make mindful walking a habit, give these five tips a try.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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In meditation, I usually try to keep things simple. Most of the time, I focus on my breath or do open awareness practice. Hard times, though, may require something more. When my emotions are high and thoughts are swirling, I need a framework to keep me steady. That’s when I go for RAIN practice.
RAIN is an acronym which stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture. Sometimes the “N” can have other meanings, including “nourish” or the return to “natural,” as in “natural awareness.” RAIN was originally developed by meditation teacher Michelle McDonald, but it has been popularized by one of my favorite teachers, Tara Brach.
RAIN is a wonderful tool to have in your mindfulness toolbox because it can help you deal with difficulty. In this post, I will briefly explain what RAIN is and how you might use it. I’ll also share a new guided meditation at the end so you can try it yourself.
What Is RAIN Meditation?
As indicated below, RAIN does not have to be done in a formal meditation practice. You can use the RAIN framework in many different ways. Regardless of how you choose to do it, here is an overview of each step of the RAIN practice.
1. Recognize the Struggle
The first step of RAIN is “R” for “recognize.” This is a fundamental but essential step. Recognize simply means to bring awareness to the fact that you are having a difficult moment.
This many sound simple or even childish to some. As I have written before, though, just admitting when things are hard can be life-changing for lawyers. Many people, like me, struggle to accept when we are having a hard time. We may be too busy, or feel like we aren’t allowed to have difficult moments.
This is true for many lawyers who may be perfectionists, struggle with imposter syndrome, or feel like we have always “look professional.” When we recognize in RAIN practice, we drop all that baggage and start the process of facing facts. We start the process by stopping, looking, and feeling instead of pushing our experience away and pretending we are fine.
2. Allow Whatever Arises in Your Experience
The next letter in RAIN is “A” and that stands for “allow.” This is an essential step because most of us do not want to move closer when an experience is hard. Many of us are accustomed to pushing bad feelings away, numbing ourselves, or just ignoring what is happening.
That is a very human approach to strong emotions or situations we can’t control, but it often leads to other problems. When we allow in RAIN practice, we stop the pretending, numbing, and running. Instead, we just allow our thoughts and emotions and the situation that prompted them to be as they are.
This doesn’t mean we allow things to go on forever. Instead, with RAIN practice we allow them for a moment so that we can understand our feelings better. Allowing is really about creating a safe clearing for our emotions to manifest so that we can gain clarity about them.
3. Investigate with Kindness
This understanding often comes in the third step of RAIN – “I” for “investigate.” Lawyers may need to be reminded that investigation in RAIN practice should not be confused with interrogation. Instead, the direction is to investigate with kindness.
Rather than questioning ourselves harshly, investigate with kindness means to slowly and gently peel back the layers on our feelings. In this stage, you can get curious about your feelings. One way I do this is to ask myself a few questions:
What message, if any, are these emotions telling me?
This is not an exhaustive list of questions and questions aren’t truly essential. What is essential here is to look closely and nonjudgmentally at your inner experience to understand yourself more clearly.
4. Nurture, Nourish, or Return to Natural
The last stage of RAIN is the one where you may have options. Michelle McDonald originally taught the “N” to refer to “non-identification.” This was a reference to the fact that we can depersonalize a situation and allow ourselves space and freedom in responding to it. In other words, you can let go of the clinging and grasping caused by emotional reactivity and return to your natural state.
Tara Brach, on the other hand, has emphasized self-care a bit more. She has used the terms “nourish” and “nurture” instead to remind us to treat ourselves with self-compassion. Thus, when we nourish or nurture ourselves in RAIN, we may give ourselves what we need, including self-kindness.
I have done the practice both ways and I prefer to leave it flexible. Sometimes when I do RAIN, the first three steps are enough for a reset and I can return to my natural state automatically. On other occasions, especially when I am working with vulnerable emotions like fear or disappointment, a more explicit dose of self-kindness is needed.
When Could Lawyers Use RAIN Practice?
Lawyers can use RAIN practice in any situation that they want to more clearly understand their life or inner experience. Most often, though, I use RAIN in time of high stress, struggle, or disruptive change. Here are a few examples of the ways that I use RAIN practice.
RAIN is an excellent tool for processing strong emotions. I find it especially useful for sitting with and investigating anger. This emotion can be volatile, so having a clear framework really helps. RAIN is also good for anger because it encourages a closer look. In many cases, anger hides other more vulnerable emotions. Using RAIN helps me acknowledge all of my emotions and take care of myself better.
I also have found that RAIN is excellent for processing life situations I don’t understand. Sometimes big emotions aren’t present, but my mind may be churning and continuing to think about a negative situation. When I see this happening, I go through a RAIN practice.
Sometimes I discover emotions I didn’t realize where there and sometimes I realize that I had been overlooking critical facts in a situation. Either way, I usually feel better after doing the practice.
If you don’t want to work with a partner, I have verbally practiced the steps on my own. Yes, I know it may feel or sound a bit weird to talk to yourself, so you certainly want to do this in a quiet place. Even so, saying the steps out loud to myself and working through them really helps.
RAIN is a simple technique that most lawyers can try it even if they are new to meditation. With that said, because the practice involves facing challenging emotions and situations directly, some foundational experience may be helpful. This might include having a some practice experience in cultivating focused attention, body awareness, and self-compassion.
If you are new to meditation or RAIN practice, it is best to avoid pushing too hard or too fast with the practice. Don’t select the most challenging, recent, or devastating life situation for practice at first. Instead, start small with a sensation, experience, or situation that you might rate as a minor or moderate challenge.
If you are not sure whether the practice is right for you, it’s never a bad idea to consult with your medical or mental health care provider. This is especially true if you are dealing with any current medical or mental health conditions or have past experiences, including trauma, that have not been fully integrated.
Try RAIN in this New Guided Meditation
Want to try RAIN yourself? Check out the new guided meditation on our YouTube channel. The practice is just over 13 minutes and goes through each of the 4 steps of the RAIN practice. It may help you rest, heal, and gain clarity about your thoughts and emotions.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I have a book club discussion with other lawyers coming up, so I recently read Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport. (paid link) Consistent with the book title, I was glad to have had a few hours concentrated time to digest the book during a long car ride.
As you might assume, Deep Work is about finding focus in an increasingly digital and unfocused world. Unlike the book, Stolen Focus, which a friend reviewed on the blog previously, this book is less about examining the role of technology in our lives. Deep Work addresses this but it is more interested in correcting the loss of focus that technology has caused in work and life.
Because Deep Work offers strategies around a common pain point for many lawyers, I decided to share a review here. Read on to learn my likes, dislikes, and takeaways from the book.
What I Like about Deep Work
Though I have a few criticisms of the book, here are the three things I liked most about Deep Work:
1. The Book Addresses a Common Problem for Many Lawyers
It’s hard to argue how distracted and unfocused most lawyers and professionals are these days. Many of us are too busy and our mental health, happiness, and and work performance suffers as a result.
Though Deep Work is now almost ten years old, it remains an important read because focused attention is so lacking for most of us. The book makes a compelling argument about the need to solve big problems and how essential uninterrupted attention is to doing that.
Perhaps my favorite part of the book was that it explains how intertwined focused attention is with happiness. The book discusses the idea that humans find meaning in the places we direct our attention. Though the book primarily addresses focus at work, it points to something deeper about human happiness and well-being. If you struggle with feeling distracted at work, Deep Work may offer some validation and thoughts for a way to find clarity.
2. Deep Work Correctly Identifies Technology as a Major Source of Distraction
It’s hard to argue that technology is both a blessing and a curse for most lawyers and professionals. The evidence continues to pile up which shows that technology has had massive negative effects on mental health and work performance. In this regard, Deep Work correctly zeroes in on technology, specifically email and social media, as the likely problem areas.
As discussed below, not everyone has the freedom to implement limits on email or social media use. Even so, I have had to find ways to manage this myself. Many law firms and companies are now working to implement policies to help employees find a better balance when it comes to work-life balance. Books like Deep Work may have influenced this positive trend by encouraging limits for better focus at work.
3. It Offers Analysis and Solutions that Lawyers and Others Can Easily Implement
Perhaps the best thing about Deep Work is the practical solutions it offers for finding more focus. The book does not claim that focused attention is one-size-fits-all. Instead, it explains the varying approaches that professionals may take with respect to deep work. These include:
The monastic approach where you cloister yourself away for periods of intense concentrated work;
The bimodal approach which schedules focused work and shallow work on separate days each week;
The rhythmic approach which incorporates blocks of focused work into a routine and often follows a pattern; and
Identifying your personal philosophy when it comes to focused work can be helpful in itself. Hearing these varied strategies also helped me understand that focused work can manifest differently depending on context.
Of course, even if you have an established philosophy of deep work that suits you, impediments to concentration are bound to arise. For this reason, I appreciated that the book shared some strategies for making email more efficient, limiting social media, or even just getting away from your phone.
In short, there are many great points about Deep Work. It addresses and correctly diagnoses a common problem for many lawyers and professionals and it offers practical solutions that can help.
Criticisms of Deep Work
As discussed above, Deep Work is a worthy read but it has a few drawbacks. Here they are.
1. The Book Assumes Technology Is the Culprit for Distraction
When I read Deep Work, I kept thinking “but what if it is not email or social that’s distracting you?” As I said above, Newport is correct that our phones have a distracting and in many cases negative influence on our lives and work. But what Newport fails to address is the fact that not all of us can achieve focus just by managing our phones.
Newport references his family at times in the book, but it’s telling when he says he wanted to “be present for them.” As a mom, I never had the option not to be present for my family. My source of distraction was not always my phone, but instead a child who may be hungry, sick, or need a ride to an activity. Deep Work did not address this issue at all and it assumes that you have a certain level of control in life and work that many lawyers or working parents don’t have.
Clearly, not all books can be everything for everyone. If you want more on the art and science of managing time which integrates both work and family caregiving responsibilities, I suggest Laura Vanderkam’s work.
2. It Was Odd that the Author Appeared to Ignore Mindfulness
To be fair, it is possible that the author wanted to avoid delving into a territory in which he’s not an expert. He may have wished to avoid offering what he perceived to be another meditation or mindfulness book. Newport had a right to focus his work in the way he wished.
The other thing I kept wondering about as I read the book is “how much do lawyers really need deep work?” Don’t get me wrong, I think most lawyers need some deep work. Some lawyers probably rely on periods of deep work for most of their days.
For me, though, I have to admit that a lot of my work is shallow. Much of my work consists of client emails with simple questions and addressing banal problems. Deep Work addresses this to a certain degree by sharing an example that some C-suite executives thrive in mostly shallow work.
But the book does not offer much in terms of evaluating the relevance and importance of deep work in most professional lives. Instead, the book seems to assume it is valuable and essential for most professionals. Thus, if you are curious about how much deep work matters to your own life, the book may not help to self-assess on that issue.
In short, though Deep Work is a good book to read it is not a perfect book. This is not an argument against reading it, but instead a suggestion that further reading on the topic may be needed.
Key Takeaways from Deep Work
Deep Work is a good read for lawyers and professionals who are interested in creating a work life that facilitates focused attention. It offers a compelling argument for the importance of deep work for most professionals that holds true to this day. It also correctly identifies technology as a common impediment for focused attention and suggests a variety of practical strategies that may help.
Despite its downsides, Deep Work is worth the few hours of your time. It will help you consider where your attention goes and whether it is serving you well. It is a good book to read, consider, and discuss.
The link to the book mentioned in this review is an affiliate link. The review is unsponsored and sincere but the link to Amazon is paid.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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If balance isn’t what you escape to, but what you build from, then the next question is obvious: How do you build it?
Not just in theory.
In a world that runs on overstimulation, scarcity mindset, and status games:
How do you actually live differently?
The answer isn’t in hacks or habits. It’s in philosophy.
The kind that orients you when ambition is loud and clarity is quiet. The kind that helps you walk away from things that reward you for abandoning yourself.
Balance isn’t just about rest. It’s about rhythm, resistance, and re-centering, again and again.
1. Rhythm: You Are What You Repeatedly Do
Aristotle said it best: “Excellence is not an act, but a habit.”
What he really meant is: the shape of your life is formed by what you do consistently, not what you feel inspired to do once in a while.
2. Resistance: You’re Allowed to Not Want the Same Things
Stoicism is often misunderstood as suppression.
But Epictetus wasn’t telling people to be numb.
He was teaching them to guard their energy, to distinguish between what’s in their control and what’s not. Because the more noise you react to, the less signal you can hear.
What values are actually yours, and which ones were just inherited from the environment?
Are you okay with being seen as “less ambitious” if it means being more intact?
3. Re-centering: You Need a Philosophy, Not Just a Schedule
Viktor Frankl wrote, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’”
He was writing about survival under the worst conditions imaginable, but the lesson holds in everyday life: if you don’t choose what your life is for, something else will choose for you.
The point of balance isn’t to feel relaxed.
The point is to remain aligned, so that your output reflects your values—not just your fear or momentum.
What would my week look like if it reflected my actual priorities?
What am I tracking, and is it helping or distracting me?
Design the Balance Before the System Designs You
You need a structure that protects your time before law school starts—not after. You need to know what hours are yours. What thoughts are yours. What parts of your identity aren’t up for negotiation.
You need:
Mornings that belong to you, not your inbox.
A body that isn’t treated like a taxi for your brain.
Relationships that don’t just tolerate your goals—but remind you who you were before them.
If you don’t set that rhythm early, the default will become your design. And once you’ve built your ego on that design, it’s much harder to undo.
Bonus: You Don’t Have to Be Chill to Be Balanced
There’s a trap that shows up, especially for high-performers. We think if we’re anxious, tense, or reactive, we must be “off-balance.”
But balance doesn’t mean calm. It means not losing the thread.
Tricia Hersey, in Rest is Resistance, reminds us: the system was not built for your healing.
So of course rest feels unnatural. Of course silence feels boring. Of course boundaries feel selfish.
That’s not a personal failure. That’s conditioning.
Balance isn’t a vibe. It’s a discipline.
One that protects your clarity, even when you don’t feel clear. One that steadies you, even when you’re overwhelmed.
Balance isn’t just the absence of stress.
It’s the presence of structure, space, and sovereignty.
You build it by remembering, daily, that your life is not an accident.
It’s a design.
And it’s still yours to shape.
Author bio: Moshe Indig is the founder of Sharper Statements, a premier law school admissions consulting firm known for its depth, strategy, and results. A former litigator, Moshe helps aspiring lawyers craft powerful narratives that reflect both who they are and where they’re headed—without sacrificing voice, clarity, or balance. Drawing from years of experience inside and outside the legal system, he teaches applicants to center precision and authenticity in every part of the process. Read more at sharperstatements.com.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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There is a lot going on in the world right now, but if you are a lawyer in the United States the term “a lot” doesn’t quite cover it. It’s not just that major and devastating events are happening. It’s that the conflict surrounding each event may call into question the legal system in which we work every day.
Regardless of your political viewpoints on the events themselves, the turmoil surrounding our institutions of government might leave any lawyer questioning their work. The term that keeps popping up in conversations, messages from lawyer friends, and my social media feed is “hopelessness.”
Why Hopelessness Is a Problem for Lawyers
While you may not have thought about it this way, hope is important to legal work. Clients put faith in us to handle their problems. In turn, we put our faith in the law, the legal system, and our own talents and processes to secure the best results we can.
All of this turns on the idea of hope: that we have the power to do something good for someone else. But, when institutions change, appear to change, or are called into question by world events, hope can be hard to muster. This can drain energy, distract us from critical work, and in the extreme lead to conditions like rumination, anxiety, and depression.
So, what can lawyers do when they feel a sense of hopelessness? It’s a hard problem and I don’t know that there is one perfect answer, but I have experienced this before myself. Here are the steps that have helped me.
1. Let yourself feel the hopelessness.
People ask me all the time how to “mitigate” or “deal with” emotions like sadness, anger, loss, or even hopelessness. My answer is always the same: let it be there. This is the hardest step and perhaps the hardest truth of life to accept, but feelings just need to be felt.
Sometimes we may want to push them away or try to rush through them because we may fear that the feelings will last forever or that they signify more doom and gloom in the future. As we all know, though, all things are temporary, and we can’t really know the future until it comes.
When you allow your feelings to be there, it may be obvious to you what you need next. Directly experiencing your own pain or emotions often gives you clues about what you need to address them. If not, though, your imagination can help.
My experience of hopelessness is often very similar to any other kind of loss. The bad news is that most lawyers hate and fear loss. The good news is that most emotions, including those relating to grief and loss, don’t last forever. Thus, the best approach is to care for yourself the way you would care for any friend who has experienced a loss.
To do this, you’d ask them if there was anything you could do or anything they might need. Do this for yourself and give yourself what you need. If this is too much for you to do effectively on your own, connect with a friend or loved one and ask for help. Most of us wouldn’t try to handle a broken heart on our own, so don’t feel any obligation to deal with your own hopelessness by yourself.
3. Reconnect with positive things.
After you have given yourself the time to feel and heal a bit, it can help to start reconnecting with positive things in your life. When you experience hopelessness, you may almost need to remind yourself that good things still exist.
Let yourself experience those things as if they are totally new to you. Let yourself be surprised by how much even small things mean to you. Resist the urge, however, to jump to this step to push the negative feelings away with positive distractions. The point here isn’t to override or ignore how we feel, but instead to reconnect with the positive parts of our life as part of the healing process.
You may have to be intentional about this because, when bad things happen, we can sometimes feel guilty or even foolish for enjoying positive things. In truth, however, the nature of our human experience is that we can enjoy beauty in a world that is often harsh and find goodness even in dark times. We also may have to get away from our devices so we can stop the negative information loop.
Once I have reached a certain level of equilibrium with bouts of hopelessness, it always helps me to remember the people who didn’t quit when they faced hopelessness. I intentionally wait to do this step until later in the process because it can easily turn into comparisons and self-judgment.
After stabilizing my emotions, though, I find it inspirational to remember the people in my life or from history who must have faced hopelessness and continued in their struggle. This is a way of connecting with the idea of “common humanity” because it reminds me that it is normal and human for even the best people to experience hopelessness at times. It also helps me because it reminds me that there is value in doing good work even if success doesn’t happen every time or if circumstances derail your efforts.
In case you need help with this, I created a guided meditation with this very practice. It’s inspired by Mr. Rogers’ sage advice to “look to the helpers” in times of trouble. I have used this practice during stressful times in my law practice and I hope it helps you.
5. Remember your values.
One of the hardest parts of hopelessness is that it can cause us to question our identities or our roles in the world. Hopelessness happens when our faith in something essential is shaken, so it can create all kinds of doubts about the work we do, the way we are living our lives, and the people with whom we spend our time.
Doubt can be hard for us lawyers because we often look for certainty and solidity since we rely on those things as we advise clients and help them through difficult times. Yet, the truth is that we don’t really need certainty or solidity; those things just make us feel more comfortable, safe, and supported.
So, what can we do when the world gives us a lot of reasons to doubt? The same thing we do when there are gray areas in the law: we trust ourselves and make a judgment call. When it comes to something like hope, this means we remember what we value and we try to live accordingly. World events may shake our faith in institutions and may make us worry about what the future may bring. That’s when our personal values matter the most because wise action may be even more essential in times of uncertainty. For this reason, reconnecting with our personal values may help us remember the ways that we can bring good into the world even during difficult circumstances.
Lawyers Can Learn to Hold Hopelessness in Kindness
Hopelessness is a difficult emotion to experience because it is something that can make us feel helpless, alienated, unmotivated, and alone. Though it can be a challenging emotion to face, each of us can learn to hold our own hopelessness in kindness.
This will help us reconnect to ourselves, reevaluate our roles in our communities, and better understand the values we wish to bring into the world. Perhaps we may never recover the same hope we experienced before, but I don’t know that must do so in order to lead a good and happy life. Instead, it may be more effective to learn to let new forms of hope grow in us in each new phase of our lives.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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Though I often teach strategies that individual lawyers can take to manage stress, I always balance this with the reminder that law firms have a big impact on attorney well-being. When I joined my law firm, Bricker Graydon, a few years ago I saw this first hand. While I had generally positive experiences at prior firms, the firm’s commitment to well-being was deeper and more explicit.
Many staff members at the firm help make this happen, but one I want to mention today is Mina Jones Jefferson. She’s the Chief Culture and Engagement Officer at my firm. I’ve worked and presented with Mina on topics relating to stress management and attorney well-being. She’s so knowledgeable on these subjects that I asked her to join me on the FDCC FedSpeaks podcast to discuss steps law firms can take to support attorney well-being.
Keep reading to learn more about the insights from the interview, where to listen, and how to learn more about this subject.
Attorney Well-Being Should Be a Law Firm Priority
One of the things that Mina shared first in the interview is why law firms should make the well-being of lawyers and all staff a priority. In the interview, Mina explained that supporting attorney and staff well-being was not just the right or feel-good thing to do.
In general, Mina explained, happy lawyers and staff members are more productive and do better work for clients.
How Law Firms Can Monitor Attorney Well-Being
The idea of mental health can sometimes seem hard to define, but Mina didn’t skip a beat when I asked her about this. First, Mina explained that there are many signs that firms can monitor to gauge the well-being of their employees. As noted above, these include sick days uses, absences, and productive work hours.
To get more information, though, Mina suggested that firms should consider asking their employees regularly how they feel about work. She shared about the value of employee engagement surveys to gather information from attorneys and staff members directly. This can help law firms identify practical steps that may need to be taken to make the work life of their employees better or more satisfying.
Simple Steps Law Firms Can Take
Armed with this qualify information, Mina explained that law firms can make good decisions to support employees better. This can include reviewing internal policies, benefits plans, wellness offerings, and employee assistance programs.
It can also include leadership strategies that keep mental health a top priority in the law firm’s culture. These can include things like “leaving out loud”, where firm leaders don’t hide the fact that they prioritize things outside of work. It can also include simple strategies, such as honoring business hours for email and text communications.
As Mina also shared, however, it should also include a review of broader firms policies and procedures and leadership. In some ways, Mina explained that attorney and staff well-being is a function of a well-run organization.
Where and How to Learn More
This blog post was just a summary of the insights that Mina offered in the interview, but I strongly encourage you to listen to the full episode to hear it straight from her. If you want to listen to the full interview, you can find it on Apple Podcasts here. You can learn more about Mina Jones Jefferson and her work at Bricker Graydon on LinkedIn.
For more great interviews relating to lawyer well-being, check out the following episodes of FDCC Speaks:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I spoke to a group of new law students this week and someone asked the best question about mindfulness and ego. I loved it because it showed a lot of courage and insight. The student asked me if mindfulness practice and blogging or social media are at odds because they contribute to ego.
The short answer I gave him is that this certainly can be a problem but it doesn’t have to be. I explained that anyone who writes or uses social media must learn some skills with managing their ego. And I explained how mindfulness practice can help with that.
After leaving the session, though, the question was still in my mind. It pointed to some fundamental questions about mindfulness and ego that I thought others might be asking. So in this post, I will explore mindfulness and ego a bit more deeply.
What Is the Ego?
Many of us use the word “ego” in conversation but we may not take the time to define the term. A common dictionary definition is “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.” Most of us wouldn’t argue that a healthy sense of self-esteem is a good thing.
This is why it may be helpful to look at the psychological and clinical meaning of the ego. The Cleveland Clinic explains that it is the “part of your personality that helps you make practical, rational decisions.” It also supports your ability to:
adapt to your environment;
regulate your emotions; and
feel like yourself.
Viewed in this more neutral light, you can see that ego is a part of the human psyche that may serve an important function.
Along the same lines, some people may benefit from a more robust sense of self rather than a diminished one. This can include people with particular sensitivities, including histories of trauma or neurodivergence.
But It Helps to Get Clear about Your Life
With that said, mindfulness practices can help you explore the role of ego in your own life. As I have explained before, mindfulness practices are likely to help you explore the very concept of the self. Practicing mindfulness can help you see that “the self” to which you have grown accustomed is not a stable or static thing at all.
Taking time in your day to be present with your thoughts and feelings can give you an opportunity to become aware of patterns in your life. This can give you greater ability to notice, check, or even change some patterns that may not be ideal for you. It may also help you see the ways in which you are not separate from, but instead integrally connected with, others.
In many cases, you are bound to find (much like I have) that the ego is a present driving force in life. You may notice when a need to feel important or especially loved or better than others pushes you in ways that are not wholesome for you or other people. And even better, you may see ways that you can take care of your feelings and find greater connection with others in your life.
In all of these ways, mindfulness can help you understand yourself better, including the role of ego in your life. It can help you become clearer about your place in the world, so that you can navigate relationships more ethically. This can be a truly wonderful and life-changing part of the practice, but it is important to balance this inquiry with self-compassion.
Mindfulness, Ego, and Social Media
Given this clearer understanding, I want to return to the law student’s question to illustrate the concepts more clearly. The student asked whether things like blogging and social media are contrary to mindfulness practice because they can contribute to ego.
The operative word in this question is “can”. Most of us know that social media can certainly contribute to one’s sense of self-importance. We know that, depending on how it is used, social media is also associated with adverse mental health consequences and sometimes abhorrent conduct. Even if you aren’t a blogger, you may see how that can have the same effect. But I will say from experience that those things aren’t universally true.
For some people, blogging and social media might lead to unhealthy states of mind, like social comparison or perfectionism. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that those struggles sometimes happened for me. But I have learned to recognize when a striving attitude is taking hold and to give myself a break. I have adopted an attitude of fun and play when it comes to writing and the use of social media. I’ve also let go of expectations. If I have a goal, it is to share ideas and connect with others.
And in truth, I have had to learn how to navigate the negative aspects of social media too. I have had to learn how to not fight with strangers on the internet. I have hard to learn to state my opinions with humility and respect for the viewpoints of others.
In addition, I will be honest that blogging and social media have inspired a lot of humility in me. I have written so many things that never get read. I have had times where people criticize my writing. I have faced imposter syndrome so many times when I see talented people who do things better than me. In all these ways, blogging and social media have provided at least as many checks on my ego as they have provided temptations for it.
What Does This Tell Us about Mindfulness, Ego, and Pursuing Goals?
Instead, mindfulness practice is really more about understanding ourselves more clearly so that we can engage in the world with greater kindness and skill. In this way, mindfulness practice is not inherently antithetical to the use of social media or to creating a robust body of work in the world.
The caveat here is that, of course, mindfulness practice should inspire you to watch the way you go about pursuing goals and crafting your body of work. It should cause you, at every turn, to consider the impact of these things on you as well as on the community around you.
If you practice mindfulness long enough, you inevitably will question yourself at times just like the law student questioned me. This part of the practice can sometimes be a gut check – or maybe an ego check – but it is one that has changed my life. And it is one that helps me stay honest on this blog and when I use social media. If you learn to make space for questions like these in your own mindfulness practice, they can change your life too.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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As a school lawyer, I normally love back to school season. This year, though, I am struggling. The summer was busier than I expected and the back to school rush at work happened earlier too. This means that I am feeling overwhelmed, tired, and stressed.
What is a lawyer and meditation teacher to do with this situation? Well, I don’t promise to be an expert here. This struggle is real for many of us for a reason. But I can say that a few intentional strategies have helped me establish order and get ready for back to school.
Manage the Biggest Stress Points First
When things get very busy, I narrow the scope of my focus. My guiding principle is to do now what has to be done today. Clearly, this is not a sustainable approach on a long-term basis. Living day to day has some advantages, but so does planning ahead.
Even so, focusing on what has to be done right now is an essential strategy for regaining order in times of chaos. It can help you build some momentum for managing the challenges of life. It can also help you avoid other problems that may emerge later if you don’t tackle priorities first.
Thus, when your schedule is too busy or life is in flux, a first essential step is identifying prioriy tasks and addressing those first.
Simplify and, If Possible, Delegate
After you have triaged the priority issues, another step for reestablishing order is to simplify whatever you can. Remove unnecessary steps or flourishes from projects. Look for easier ways to accomplish tasks. Delegate or get help in any way that you can.
As a quick example of this, I used this strategy to handle some of the back to school chores for my kids. They had a doctor’s appointment and needed new shoes. Instead of going to my favorite shoe store, I went to one very close to the doctor’s office. This allowed me to consolidate travel time, so the kids could get new shoes and I could get the job done.
When time is limited, don’t make extra work for yourself. Simplify tasks as much as possible.
Prioritize Healthy Habits
When times are busy or stressful, healthy and supportive habits are often the first things to suffer. Even though most of us know what is good for us, disarray in one’s schedule can make it harder to eat, sleep, and exercise like we should. These habits, though, can have an immediate beneficial impact on how we feel mentally and physically.
Let me be clear. All of these things take time and energy to manage. Despite this, I prioritize them in times of change or stress because I know they are priorities. These habits help me feel my best and manage stress, so that I can face whatever I need to face in my daily life. In addition, because these practices are part of my normal routine, returning to them helps me create a sense of normalcy and order.
Conclusion
Back to school time can be a fun and exciting time. For many lawyers, though, it is also a stressful time. It’s a time of change and extra work to transition to a new phase in life. With some intentionality, though, you can manage the time crunch, stress, and extra work. I hope these tips help you regain some control and establish a new order that will help you and your family thrive this school year.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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