Mindfulness vs. Ego: Finding Balance in a Digital World

Image of pawns with social media graphics with title "Mindfulness v. Ego: Finding Balance in a Digital World"

I spoke to a group of new law students this week and someone asked the best question about mindfulness and ego. I loved it because it showed a lot of courage and insight. The student asked me if mindfulness practice and blogging or social media are at odds because they contribute to ego.

The short answer I gave him is that this certainly can be a problem but it doesn’t have to be. I explained that anyone who writes or uses social media must learn some skills with managing their ego. And I explained how mindfulness practice can help with that.

After leaving the session, though, the question was still in my mind. It pointed to some fundamental questions about mindfulness and ego that I thought others might be asking. So in this post, I will explore mindfulness and ego a bit more deeply.

What Is the Ego?

Many of us use the word “ego” in conversation but we may not take the time to define the term. A common dictionary definition is “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.” Most of us wouldn’t argue that a healthy sense of self-esteem is a good thing.

But when I hear the phrase “ego” uttered, it usually has a pejorative connotation. This is because, as most lawyers have observed, it is very easy to get an inflated sense of self-importance. In fact, our hyper-individualistic culture can contribute to this.

This is why it may be helpful to look at the psychological and clinical meaning of the ego. The Cleveland Clinic explains that it is the “part of your personality that helps you make practical, rational decisions.” It also supports your ability to:

adapt to your environment;
regulate your emotions; and
feel like yourself.

Viewed in this more neutral light, you can see that ego is a part of the human psyche that may serve an important function.

Image of dictionary definition of ego as stated in the post which is "a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance"

You Need a Healthy Sense of Self-Esteem

Given this, it would be a misunderstanding in my opinion to say that the goal of mindfulness practice is to overcome or eliminate the ego. In truth, as I have written before, I would be cautious about setting any specific goal for mindfulness practice at all.

Intention can be a wonderful guiding force to help motivate practice. Goals, however, often add a level of expectation that can undermine the cultivation of mindfulness.

In addition, high achievers like lawyers are encouraged to be cautious about pushing themselves too hard when it comes to self-improvement. If you are anything like me, you may need to learn to be kinder to yourself in meditation rather than more disciplined.

Along the same lines, some people may benefit from a more robust sense of self rather than a diminished one. This can include people with particular sensitivities, including histories of trauma or neurodivergence.

But It Helps to Get Clear about Your Life

With that said, mindfulness practices can help you explore the role of ego in your own life. As I have explained before, mindfulness practices are likely to help you explore the very concept of the self. Practicing mindfulness can help you see that “the self” to which you have grown accustomed is not a stable or static thing at all.

Taking time in your day to be present with your thoughts and feelings can give you an opportunity to become aware of patterns in your life. This can give you greater ability to notice, check, or even change some patterns that may not be ideal for you. It may also help you see the ways in which you are not separate from, but instead integrally connected with, others.

In many cases, you are bound to find (much like I have) that the ego is a present driving force in life. You may notice when a need to feel important or especially loved or better than others pushes you in ways that are not wholesome for you or other people. And even better, you may see ways that you can take care of your feelings and find greater connection with others in your life.

In all of these ways, mindfulness can help you understand yourself better, including the role of ego in your life. It can help you become clearer about your place in the world, so that you can navigate relationships more ethically. This can be a truly wonderful and life-changing part of the practice, but it is important to balance this inquiry with self-compassion.

Image of blog post author Claire E. Parsons with quote "Mindfulness practice doesn't mean we have to drop out of the world. It doesn't mean we can't pursue goals or things we love. It doesn't mean we have to change who we are."

Mindfulness, Ego, and Social Media

Given this clearer understanding, I want to return to the law student’s question to illustrate the concepts more clearly. The student asked whether things like blogging and social media are contrary to mindfulness practice because they can contribute to ego.

The operative word in this question is “can”. Most of us know that social media can certainly contribute to one’s sense of self-importance. We know that, depending on how it is used, social media is also associated with adverse mental health consequences and sometimes abhorrent conduct. Even if you aren’t a blogger, you may see how that can have the same effect. But I will say from experience that those things aren’t universally true.

For some people, blogging and social media might lead to unhealthy states of mind, like social comparison or perfectionism. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that those struggles sometimes happened for me. But I have learned to recognize when a striving attitude is taking hold and to give myself a break. I have adopted an attitude of fun and play when it comes to writing and the use of social media. I’ve also let go of expectations. If I have a goal, it is to share ideas and connect with others.

And in truth, I have had to learn how to navigate the negative aspects of social media too. I have had to learn how to not fight with strangers on the internet. I have hard to learn to state my opinions with humility and respect for the viewpoints of others.

In addition, I will be honest that blogging and social media have inspired a lot of humility in me. I have written so many things that never get read. I have had times where people criticize my writing. I have faced imposter syndrome so many times when I see talented people who do things better than me. In all these ways, blogging and social media have provided at least as many checks on my ego as they have provided temptations for it.

What Does This Tell Us about Mindfulness, Ego, and Pursuing Goals?

The big conclusion from all of this that most lawyers will care about is that I don’t think mindfulness practice means we have to get rid of our egos. Mindfulness practice doesn’t mean we have to drop out of the world. It doesn’t mean we can’t pursue goals or things we love. It doesn’t mean we have to change who we are.

Instead, mindfulness practice is really more about understanding ourselves more clearly so that we can engage in the world with greater kindness and skill. In this way, mindfulness practice is not inherently antithetical to the use of social media or to creating a robust body of work in the world.

The caveat here is that, of course, mindfulness practice should inspire you to watch the way you go about pursuing goals and crafting your body of work. It should cause you, at every turn, to consider the impact of these things on you as well as on the community around you.

If you practice mindfulness long enough, you inevitably will question yourself at times just like the law student questioned me. This part of the practice can sometimes be a gut check – or maybe an ego check – but it is one that has changed my life. And it is one that helps me stay honest on this blog and when I use social media. If you learn to make space for questions like these in your own mindfulness practice, they can change your life too.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Tips for Lawyers: Manage Stress Getting Back to School

As a school lawyer, I normally love back to school season. This year, though, I am struggling. The summer was busier than I expected and the back to school rush at work happened earlier too. This means that I am feeling overwhelmed, tired, and stressed.

What is a lawyer and meditation teacher to do with this situation? Well, I don’t promise to be an expert here. This struggle is real for many of us for a reason. But I can say that a few intentional strategies have helped me establish order and get ready for back to school.

Manage the Biggest Stress Points First

When things get very busy, I narrow the scope of my focus. My guiding principle is to do now what has to be done today. Clearly, this is not a sustainable approach on a long-term basis. Living day to day has some advantages, but so does planning ahead.

Even so, focusing on what has to be done right now is an essential strategy for regaining order in times of chaos. It can help you build some momentum for managing the challenges of life. It can also help you avoid other problems that may emerge later if you don’t tackle priorities first.

Thus, when your schedule is too busy or life is in flux, a first essential step is identifying prioriy tasks and addressing those first.

Simplify and, If Possible, Delegate

After you have triaged the priority issues, another step for reestablishing order is to simplify whatever you can. Remove unnecessary steps or flourishes from projects. Look for easier ways to accomplish tasks. Delegate or get help in any way that you can.

Many lawyers tend to be high achievers. This means that we often do more than what the circumstances truly require. When time allows, this is not a terrible life strategy to adopt. But in times of stress or change, it can add work and sap energy that you do not have. Simplifying tasks and focusing on what is truly essential can help you avoid this trap.

As a quick example of this, I used this strategy to handle some of the back to school chores for my kids. They had a doctor’s appointment and needed new shoes. Instead of going to my favorite shoe store, I went to one very close to the doctor’s office. This allowed me to consolidate travel time, so the kids could get new shoes and I could get the job done.

When time is limited, don’t make extra work for yourself. Simplify tasks as much as possible.

Image of post it note with question "How could I make this simpler?" as discussed in the blog post about back to school

Prioritize Healthy Habits

When times are busy or stressful, healthy and supportive habits are often the first things to suffer. Even though most of us know what is good for us, disarray in one’s schedule can make it harder to eat, sleep, and exercise like we should. These habits, though, can have an immediate beneficial impact on how we feel mentally and physically.

For this reason, when my schedule is in flux, I often prioritize the basics. I try to refresh my sleep hygiene protocols and get a regular schedule back in place. I make sure I have some healthy ingredients on hand so that I can eat nutrient-dense meals to power my days. Even though it can be a struggle, I get back to my normal meditation and exercise routine too.

Let me be clear. All of these things take time and energy to manage. Despite this, I prioritize them in times of change or stress because I know they are priorities. These habits help me feel my best and manage stress, so that I can face whatever I need to face in my daily life. In addition, because these practices are part of my normal routine, returning to them helps me create a sense of normalcy and order.

Conclusion

Back to school time can be a fun and exciting time. For many lawyers, though, it is also a stressful time. It’s a time of change and extra work to transition to a new phase in life. With some intentionality, though, you can manage the time crunch, stress, and extra work. I hope these tips help you regain some control and establish a new order that will help you and your family thrive this school year.

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The Connection Between Mindfulness and Personal Boundaries

“Can you talk about setting boundaries?” I got this question during a presentation about mindfulness and compassion for a law firm last week. Though I did my best to answer it, this topic is one that took more time than I had during a webinar. As a result, the question stayed with me long after the presentation ended.

Boundaries are tough for many of us. They are especially challenging for lawyers and others in service professions. My answer when the question was presented to me was that mindfulness and compassion can definitely help with this. In this article, though, I will explain in more detail precisely how.

The Ways that Mindfulness Helps with Boundaries

Boundary setting sounds like a single-step process but it truly has multiple aspects. This means that our ability to set boundaries may require us to execute more than one task successfully. The other problem with boundaries is that they are by definition individualized. We can’t simply copy other people. Instead, we must learn through life experience what our needs are and how to ensure that they are met.

This is why mindfulness and compassion can help us set boundaries in the following ways:

Supporting us in identifying personal needs;
Helping us to explore the concept of interconnection;
Cultivating clarity about what kindness and compassion truly are; and
Building skill with being uncomfortable.

I’ll explain each one below in more detail.

1. Mindfulness and Identifying Needs

One of the reasons that boundaries can be hard to set is that we may be in the habit of overlooking our own needs. This is not a criticism but an observation of life. Lots of us are busy. Lawyers, caregivers, and others in service industries may be accustomed to focusing on the needs of others. For these reasons, it is quite easy to just not notice what you need.

Mindfulness practices can be transformational for this basic reason. The practices force you, at least for a few minutes, to check in with yourself. Inherently, meditation or other practices like yoga include noticing what’s in your mind, heart, and body. This clarity about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions is a foundational step to help you identify needs so that you can set boundaries.

2. Mindfulness of Interconnection

We live in a highly individualistic culture, so many people can get the idea that setting boundaries is about focusing only on themselves. I think this is a mistake for a practical reason. Despite the constant encouragement to think about ourselves, humans are social animals. We live in and depend on community to live happy and productive lives.

Mindfulness practices can help us get clarity about our rightful role in the world. As we pay attention to our own minds, bodies, and hearts, it is nearly impossible to avoid the social situations in which our feelings, thoughts, and emotions arise. Over time, this helps us see how connected we are to others.

When we pay attention to this interconnectedness, we build wisdom about the importance of honoring all human needs, including our own. Paying closer attention to these connections may also help us better understand what our essential needs truly are. Over time, this may help us develop more balance in navigating our own boundaries in relationship to others.

Image listing the four ways that mindfulness and compassion can help with setting personal boundaries that are shared in the blog post

3. True Compassion Respects Boundaries

Some people struggle with setting personal boundaries because they may think it seems selfish. Others may have the idea that kindness and self-sacrifice are synonymous. Regular mindfulness and compassion practice help us see that neither are really true.

As I have shared before, a regular mindfulness practice should include the four heart practices, including kindness and compassion. If you do these practices regularly, you will build clarity about what kindness and compassion truly are. Kindness isn’t meekness or consistently denying oneself. Compassion is not merely sacrificing oneself for others.

Instead, both of these traits and responses are premised on the idea that all people, including yourself, deserve to be healthy, safe, happy, and at peace. If you practice long enough, you will likely see that kindness and compassion flow much more easily and robustly when your own needs are met. In this way, practicing mindfulness may help you internalize the idea that compassion and kindness for others are compatible with and supported by setting personal boundaries.

4. Setting Boundaries Can Be Uncomfortable but Mindfulness Helps with That

Another practical thing that keeps many of us from setting good boundaries: it’s uncomfortable. Most of us, especially lawyers and others in service professions, don’t like to tell other people no. It can cause conflict. We may worry it will cause others to judge us. At a minimum, it can make us feel awkward and unsure.

This good news is that mindfulness practice can help with that. The bad news is that mindfulness helps because it often includes being uncomfortable. Most of us don’t want to sit quietly and watch our thoughts. Most of us don’t want to avoid moving when we have an itch on our arm. We don’t want to persist when our backs hurt or we are falling asleep or our minds won’t shut up.

When we can persist with these challenges, though, it builds patience, courage, and the skill of being with discomfort. Though I emphasize gradualism and self-kindness at all stages of meditation, I am the first to say that these skills are invaluable. If you can sit in meditation for a few minutes with a difficult thought or uncomfortable sensation, this means you can face the same things when they arise in a conversation about boundaries.

Conclusion: Mindfulness Builds the Skills We Need to Set Boundaries Effectively

In short, mindfulness and compassion practices help with setting boundaries because they cultivate some of the fundamental skills necessary for doing so. These include, identifying personal needs, clarity about kindness and our role in community, and the ability to handle discomfort. Of course, setting boundaries is something that we cannot do with meditation alone. With time, though, mindfulness practice can help us bring these traits into our lives so that we can set personal boundaries more effectively.

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Mindfulness for Job Seekers: Transforming Adversity into Opportunity

Cover image for blog post with picture of people waiting for job interview with title "Mindfulness for Job Seekers: Transforming Adversity Into Opportunity"

Most of us know that looking for a job can be a hard thing to do. If you haven’t looked for work in recent history, you probably know some job seekers who have. Many people, including a lot of lawyers, are actively looking for work or trying to transition to a new role.

When I was asked to talk about mindfulness to a local group that supports job seekers, I quickly said yes. Though I had not experienced joblessness in my career, my friends and relatives have. I also knew from personal experience that mindfulness and compassion are essential for facing adversity in life.

In this post, I will share details about and access to my talk.

A Great Resource for Job Seekers

I offered my talk to the Northern Kentucky Accountability Group, created by the Kenton County Public Library. This group does far more than offer job listings and business books to its members. It is a support group for anyone looking for jobs or interested in moving into a new professional role.

The group offers support and community, skills classes, and access to volunteer speakers and coaches. People local to Northern Kentucky and Cincinnati attend events in-person at the library. Many people outside of the Cincinnati metro area access the programs online and via Zoom.

I share this information here so that everyone can learn more about the program. Please review their offerings and share with any job seekers who need support.

Image of woman facing stressful situation with laptop and quote that says "Mindfulness and compassion practices helped me learn how to cope when life did not go well."

Highlights from the Presentation to Job Seekers

In my talk, I spoke about my experience handling personal setbacks that led to professional growth. My talk was entitled Navigating Life’s Trials: A Story of Mindful Transformation and Community Impact. In it, I shared my story with postpartum depression and how it led me to explore mindfulness.

As I have shared here before, this in turn helped me take important steps forward in life. Mindfulness helped me learn how to network. It taught me about leadership. It also helped me develop the courage to start writing and find my voice as a mental health advocate.

Why Mindfulness and Compassion Can Help

Besides sharing my story, the talk also included some teachings about mindfulness and compassion. Specifically, it explained how these human faculties help us navigate hard times in life. This is essential for job seekers and anyone dealing with life’s challenges.

The talk explains in simple terms what mindfulness and compassion are. It also explains why meditation helps to remove barriers to those capacities. Then it explains a few of the simple meditation practices that can support the cultivation of mindfulness and compassion.

The active engagement from the audience further enhanced the talk. They asked great questions and shared their own experiences and challenges.

How to Watch the Presentation

Another great thing about the Northern Kentucky Accountability Group is its online library of talks from past speakers. The library has recordings from many of its speakers dating back to 2022. All of the talks are tailored to active job seekers and others looking to build professional skills. You can browse through each year of the library to find a variety of excellent talks.

My talk, Navigating Life’s Trials, is listed under April, 2025. You will find a link and a password to view the recording. The session is about an hour in length. Don’t sleep on the Q&A session at the end. The questions were good and I mention extra resources too.

Image of women showing herself love with quote that says "When done right, mindfulness practice also supports the cultivation of kindness."

More Resources for Job Seekers

When asked about confidence and imposter syndrome, I mentioned these resources from the blog:

Book review of The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris
Four Reasons I Don’t Like the Term Imposter Syndrome
Book review of Confidence by Ethan Nichtern
New Confidence CLE for Lawyers Coming to Lawline
Confidence in Job Searches an interview with a legal recruiter
New Free Download: Coping Strategies Ebook
Book Review: Atomic Habits by James Clear

All of these resources offer valuable insights for those handling change in life and work.

Community and Mindfulness Can Support Job Seekers

If you are searching for a job, communities like the one I discuss here can be a great support. As I shared in my talk, building critical skills like mindfulness and compassion can also help too. I wish all of the job seekers out there the best. I also hope that the resources and ideas shared here will support you in your job search.

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How to Handle Emotions of Overwhelm in Five Mindful Steps

Cover image from post with lawyer being inundated with things and the title from the blog post "How to Handle Emotions of Overwhelm in Five Mindful Steps"

Overwhelm is one of the emotions that I dislike the most. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I am not talking about being overwhelmed with positive emotions, like love, joy, or gratitude. When those things happen, they are amazing.

More often, I experience the nasty kind of overwhelm. This is when I am confronted with a challenge that is so big, new, or strange that I feel totally unable to handle it. In times like these, I feel defeated, powerless, and usually ashamed.

When Does Overwhelm Arise?

I’m thinking of this phenomenon because I just experienced it when I bought my daughter a new “big girl” bed. Initially, I prided myself for my efficiency when I shipped a Smastad loft-style bed from IKEA. That feeling immediately transformed to regret when I saw a collection of 6 large, heavy boxes and at least 4 other smaller packages filling my garage.

For some backstory, I am historically awful at assembling items. My husband usually jumps in immediately to save me from myself but he’s a CPA dealing with his own variety of overwhelm during tax season. I considered hiring a handy person to help, but the number of boxes suggested that managing the handy person would be more work than doing the project myself.

I stood before the boxes with few good options and had to face the facts. I was overwhelmed.

Mindful Step 1: Don’t Fight the Overwhelm.

Since I am a mindfulness teacher and a lawyer trained to solve problems, I bet you are hoping that I had some magic trick up my sleeve. Nope. Not at all. Even so, life experience has taught me this: it doesn’t help to fight emotions like overwhelm.

You can’t make overwhelm pretty or nice or satisfying. You can’t gloss it with a silver lining or fill it’s cracks with gold. At least, you can’t do it on the front end. With overwhelm, the first best step you can take is to not fight it.

I stood in my garage, staring at the boxes. I let my mind race about how long it would take. I allowed my mind create horror stories about how exhausting and frustrating it would be. I raged at myself for an impulse purchase of this magnitude without considering the consequences.

In other words, I let the overwhelm be there. I didn’t fight it. I felt it. I let it have it’s moment and fully accepted the situation that I had created for myself.

Image of blog post author with the quote "You can't make overwhelm pretty or nice or satisfying. With overwhelm, the first best step you can take is to not fight it."

Mindful Step 2: Honor Your Emotions.

With most big emotions, mindfulness practice has taught me that time and space are the best salves. In this case, that means I left the gigantic boxes sitting in my garage for a week. To put it another way, I didn’t rush in to handle the situation. I just waited until I calmed down and I could stand to look at the boxes again.

Ultimately, the thing that pushed me to move forward was being annoyed with the boxes themselves. I was sick of climbing over them to get to the garage. I wanted my daughter to have the awesome new loft bed. I also started to feel curious about whether I could find a way to get this thing built without driving myself crazy.

By giving myself time and space, I let the overwhelm subside and made room for the feelings that motivated me to act. They helped me refocus on the goals I had originally, so I could get back on track.

Mindful Step 3: Make a Plan Tailored to Your Human Needs.

When my motivation was restored, I decided that there was no way to get started without first assessing the situation clearly. My first job was to unbox everything, locate the instructions, and gather all the pieces.

That was no small feat, so I gave myself time to rest before I began the organization phase. Since I had always struggled putting things together, I decided to take the remaining steps very slowly. I took time to study the instructions and even found some handy YouTube videos about assembling this very item.

I divided the project into three phases and made sure my daughter would still have a bed to sleep in even if gaps occurred. This helped me account for my own frustration and fatigue. It took the pressure off and accounted for the inevitable mistakes I would make in following the instructions.

Mindful Step 4: Execute the Plan Step by Step.

After creating your plan, the next phase is execution. This is when the old adage about eating an elephant comes to mind. How do you do that? Bit by bit. In this case, I subdivided my phases into even smaller microsteps.

I first organized and arranged all the hardware (pro tip: a muffin tin is perfect for this). I gathered all my tools. I lined all the pieces up exactly as illustrated in the instructions and then followed the instructions step by step. Any time where I made what felt like a judgment call, I noted it so I could retrace my steps if needed.

In other words, I did the opposite of what my millennial brain told me to do when I get a new product. I didn’t play around and figure it out. Instead, I moved in super slow motion as if I was an assembly robot. This kept me organized, allowed me to take breaks when needed, and kept my mood and mindset in check.

Image listing the five mindful steps for handling emotions of overwhelm as shared in the blog post

Mindful Step 5: Celebrate the Victory.

Recently, I finished phase 1 of my massive project. This means that I assembled the bookcase/wardrobe that serves as the foundation of the bed mostly on my own. Am I concerned that someone else could have done this faster? Not at all.

I celebrated the crap out this achievement. I showed it to my daughter. I reveled in the feeling of progress and compared it to my feelings of overwhelm just a few weeks before.

The point here, of course, is that celebration is a critical component to any big project. Sure, it’s only phase one. Yes, two arguably more challenging phases remain for me to complete. The difference, though, is that now I have a renewed sense of confidence. I have evidence that I can find a way to work my way through the rest of the steps to accomplish my goal.

Because a big project involves so much effort and patience, it is smart to offset it with a healthy amount of celebration at each milestone. You better believe that I am going to celebrate fully when this bed is finally assembled.

Conclusion: Overwhelm Is Hard but You Can Manage It Step by Step.

Whether it is caused by a major work project or an imposing box from IKEA that is gathering dust, overwhelm happens to us all. It is an emotion that can sap our motivation and cause us to want to run and hide. With mindfulness and self-compassion, though, we can work through overwhelm just like we go step by step through any big project. In this post, I offered you a brief instruction manual with 5 steps to help you navigate if overwhelm happens to you.

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The Connection Between Mindfulness and Writing Success

Cover image for appearance on Dear Indie Author podcast on mindfulness and writing

As a mindfulness teacher and blogger, the connection between mindfulness practice and writing comes up for me a lot. Though I have always been drawn to writing and I do it every day in my work as a lawyer, I didn’t always consider myself a writer. It took many years for it to emerge as a real passion and part of my life.

How Meditation Led to Writing

If I never started meditating, there’s a good chance that I never would have discovered this meaningful pastime at all. As I have explained before, meditation helped me create the mental space that was necessary to recognize some of my copious thoughts as ideas. Over time, I also cultivated self-compassion and became more aware of latent judgments, so I could get ideas on the page.

Then, finally all the time sitting in meditation and the benefits it imparted convinced me of something fundamental: using some of my time to please myself was worthwhile. This helped me get over all the fears about writing being a “waste of time” or “too much work” or that “nobody would care.”

The Interview Discussing Mindfulness and Writing

I was fortunate to get a chance to discuss all of these things and more with fellow writer and coach, Shonda Ramsey. I met Shonda online when I saw her searching for self-published authors. Writing my first book was a great experience and one that has led to many other wonderful opportunities in my life.

I was glad to get to talk to Shonda about it and explain how mindfulness and creativity are interconnected. I was also pleased to discuss the fact that writing, a traditionally lonely endeavor, was something that led me to cultivate greater community. In fact, I was proud to share that I got help from a book coach to make the leap from blogger to author quickly.

How to Watch or Listen to the Interview

If you are interested in writing or wonder what mindfulness can do to help you get more creative in life, check out the full interview on the Dear Indie Author podcast. You can listen online, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify or watch the interview on YouTube here:

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How to Stop Doomscrolling: 5 Essential Steps

As an anxious person, I have to be cautious about the amount of news I allow myself to consume. I try my best to focus on what matters most to my work and my community. When things are out of my control, I try my best to let go. Usually, this means I don’t allow myself much time for doomscrolling.

In the last few weeks, natural disasters, political tumult, and other challenges have caused my anxiety levels to rise. To some degree, this is normal. Change leads to uncertainty and uncertainty wants to be resolved. The siren song of the internet promising endless information and quick answers is hard to resist.

The thing is that doomscrolling usually leaves me feeling more confused and anxious and it is usually a huge waste of time. In case you are experiencing this now or ever struggle with it, here are five steps that may help you stop doomscrolling.

1. Recognize That You Are Doomscrolling.

The first step to ending doomscrolling may be the hardest to implement. Many lawyers and professionals often use the internet as a tool to address anxieties about our work. We may notice an issue, feel concerned, and take to the internet to gather legal authority or facts to solve the problem.

In my experience, doomscrolling starts much the same way. I come across something alarming and then I unconsciously start searching and clicking in the hopes of finding something to make me feel better. The problem, of course, is that the internet offers ready access to information but meaning can be harder to find. This means that the searching could go on endlessly and it is likely, and often does, raise more anxieties that will need to addressed.

So what are the signs of doomscrolling? It can vary for each of us but the salient features I have come to recognize are: sprawling or directionless searching, an investment of time with no meaningful return, and fear or anxiety.

2. Pause and Bring Awareness to What You Are Doing.

When you start to sense that you are doomscrolling, it can be hard to stop. In the midst of relentless searching, your mind may become scattered, race towards the future, and overwhelm itself with information. To disrupt the cycle, though, you can pause and return your awareness to the present moment.

One way to do this is to literally remove your hand from the mouse or put your phone face down or ideally out of reach. Close your eyes, take a breath, and notice how your body feels. Ask yourself whether the scrolling is helping or hurting. One question I often ask myself when I find myself mindlessly scrolling or clicking around is “what am I looking for?” If I can’t answer the question, it’s a great sign that it’s time move on to something else.

3. Identify and Acknowledge the Emotion Hiding Beneath the Scrolling.

If you are sure that you are doomscrolling but are struggling to stop, you may need to get up and away from your device and proceed right on to step 5. Assuming the temptation to keep scrolling is in check, however, I find it helpful to acknowledge what caused the doomscrolling in the first place.

As noted above, when doomscrolling is happening fear or anxiety is often involved. Even when I have a good sense of the emotion, though, I find it helpful to get more specific. For example, I may note or say to myself the specific fear or concern that started my scrolling. This helps me to honor my emotions and get some distance from them.

4. Take Care of that Emotion.

If at all possible, it helps to take one moment more to do something to care for the emotions that started the doomscrolling. Where possible, avoid judging yourself for doomscrolling or being afraid. The world is complex, information is all around, and life changes fast. Given how much information is available to us all, it’s easy to get sucked into an information anxiety loop.

Recalling this fact alone may help you see the common humanity in your situation and that of other people. This is an essential element of self-compassion that can help you care for the fear that may be lurking beneath the doomscrolling. I also find it to be empowering too. Even though I may be unable to solve all (or any) of the world problems my doomscrolling revealed, I find that I am at least able to take care for myself when I am afraid.

Image with 5 tips to stop doomscrolling that are shared in the blog post

5. Do Something Useful, Pleasant, or Kind.

It is not possible to tell your mind to not think of whatever caused the anxiety and prompted the doomscrolling. The mind does not work that way. What you can do with the mind, however, is shift attention to something else. In this way, you can care for your mind and your your emotions after doomscrolling by doing something else that engages your attention.

Since doomscrolling is emotionally challenging, generally negative, and often useless, the best antidote to it is to do the opposite. Find an an activity that is useful, pleasant, kind, or ideally all three of those things. Experience has taught me that movement, creativity, getting outside and away from technology, and real human contact are the most effective answers to doomscrolling. They remind me of my present moment reality, the people and things I care about most, and my power to do good even in an imperfect and confusing world.

Conclusion

Doomscrolling happens to the best of us but it can easily make a bad situation worse. Knowing how to recognize and stop doomscrolling is an essential skill for contemporary life and challenging times. With mindful awareness and self-compassion, you can stop doom scrolling, care for the fear that started it, and put your time and energy to better use.

If you need any additional strategies for staying calm in the midst of difficulty, check out the Coping Strategies for Difficult Times ebook.

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Cultivating Motivation: A Mindful Approach for 2025

In case you didn’t notice, I took the last month off from the blog. This was actually a good thing. I had a great 2024 filled with many wonderful things, including finding my place at a new law firm, editing a legal treatise for LexisNexis, and many new opportunities. The only downside was that I was exhausted by December and, as a result, many of my normal habits fell away.

This means that I have been thinking a lot about motivation lately because I need to get back to my normal habits. As most of us know, January is the perfect time to refresh habits because it is the season of goal-setting and resolutions. I have already picked my word of the year for 2025, so now I just need the energy to execute my plan. This raises the question: how does one bring motivation back?

Motivation Starts with Intention

If I had to answer this question with one word, it would be “intention.” I used to think talk of intention was new age puffery. It made me roll my eyes and wonder what the heck it even meant. “Why did I need to think about intention?” I would think to myself. “I usually know what I am doing.”

Experience, and of course lots of meditation, has shown me that in many cases we do not know at all what we are doing. Sure, we know in the sense that we are generally aware of what is happening and have a vague idea about what we want. But, how often do you actually think about the direction of your life and where it is leading you? How often do you ask what your deep intentions are?

Mindfulness Can Help You Connect with Your Intention

More often, we are embroiled in habits and busy people, like lawyers, can get so distracted by life that we don’t think about how we want to live. For this practical reason, when we want to establish new habits or need to get back to old ones, it helps to reflect on our intention and ask what we want or are trying to achieve.

This is one of the reasons that meditation has become such an important part of my life. Not only does the practice give my nervous system a break, it also allows me some time and mental space to check in with myself, including what I need and what I really want. In fact, it is so important that I have made checking in with my intention the first step when I start meditating.

Image with quote that says "Motivation starts with intention and mindfulness practice can help you connect with your intention."

Motivation Requires a Connection Between Effort and Results

Identifying our intention may be enough to get us started with initial steps, but it won’t last for long by itself. It is commonly said that habits take weeks to form, so a burst of initial energy from a reflection on intention will only get you so far. The next essential step, I find, is often overlooked: we need to create a connection between our effort and the results we week.

In my experience, this connection requires two things:

a belief that our effort will lead to some kind of positive result; and
a plan to turn our belief into a reality.

In some cases, belief comes first but sometimes we may need to chart a course to inspire confidence. Last year, I succeeded in losing some weight in a few months. Of course, I had thought about starting for months before but put it off until I started imagining my plan of attack. Once I had a plan, I realized the feat was achievable and it gave me the energy to try.

Sustained Motivation Requires a Good System

Now, anyone who has tried to start a new habit or get back to your wholesome ones knows that energy fades. As you are creating your plan of attack, therefore, it only makes sense to factor in a system that will sustain your motivation.

To do this, you can’t rely on discipline and willpower alone because both of these things wear out quickly and may be heavily taxed by your existing lifestyle and work. If you are a lawyer or other busy professional, your schedule may not be your own. If you are a caregiver in addition to that, many people may depend on you too. This means, at some point, you are going to require support to stick to your good habits.

What Kind of System Supports Motivation?

So, what kind of system supports sustained motivation? For a deep dive on this issue, I highly recommend that you check out Atomic Habits by James Clear. He has a lot of practical tips for changing habits and making the change stick.

In general, though, what you want to do is create a system that offers you support on a practical level. It should reduce the friction and effort needed to overcome it in getting the relevant task accomplished. Ideally, if at all possible, your plan should support your intrinsic desire to do the task. That means increasing your personal enjoyment and satisfaction with the task.

An important way to do this is to track and check your progress and to regularly check in with your intention to remind yourself why you are investing the effort.

Image of a notebook with a quote that says "Willpower can’t sustain motivation, But a good support system can."

Self-Compassion Is Essential

Ideally, when you get back to your new habit, it will be smooth sailing with no major challenges. For most of us, though, challenges and struggles are bound to arise eventually. This is why self-compassion is one tool that is essential to sustaining or renewing motivation.

As I have written before, self-compassion is positively correlated with goal attainment because it supports persistence. When a challenge arises, it is self-compassion that helps us focus on what we need instead of how we failed to measure up. When our energy is depleted, self-compassion is what may help us take the time to rest so we can recover and get back on track.

Just like any other habit, self-compassion is a skill that can be trained over time and it is one that can support you in cultivating other positive habits. For this reason, as you set your intentions and craft plans to motivate yourself for the new year, be sure to include compassion for yourself.

Conclusion: Motivation Can Be Cultivated and Mindfulness Can Help.

This is a great time of year for refreshing habits but don’t fall into the trap of believing that motivation is an elusive energy that changes like the wind. Though motivation can be this way, it can also be something we cultivate with mindfulness and self-compassion. If we connect to our intention and craft a plan that supports our effort, we can cultivate motivation and sustain it over time.

If motivation to start or get back to meditation is what you are looking for this year, check out the downloads on our Resources page, including the Meditation Habit Worksheet based on the principles of Atomic Habits.

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How to Practice Gratitude without Being Fake

Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days. This holiday is one that is pretty easy for me to love because cooking and eating are two of my favorite things. You get to do both on Thanksgiving and you only have to spend one day with your extended family. Seems perfect, right?

Oh yeah, I forgot about gratitude. In some form or fashion, you may be asked to reflect on or proclaim your gratitude. I don’t doubt the myriad studies that say gratitude is good for us. I appreciate the need to express and receive gratitude. But, as a lifelong pigheaded person, I refuse to feel something on demand.

Forcing Gratitude Doesn’t Work

Honestly, it’s not even truly refusal. I could decide to go along with the little game of gratitude to amuse my family or shut them up. But I would know in my secret heart of hearts that I don’t really feel grateful. What I really feel is resentful.

This same phenomenon is why I also can’t do positive affirmations. They don’t make me feel strong, calm, empowered or loved. They make my mind argue and my mind already does this well enough on it’s own. In short, despite the best intentions of these positive practices, I just can’t force my mind or heart to go in a direction it’s not already inclined to go.

Then How Can You Practice Gratitude?

So, what’s the key here? How can someone like me practice gratitude in a way that’s not fake? One way, of course, is to notice when genuine gratitude comes up, savor it, and where appropriate share it. I do this and it feels really good.

But can I cultivate gratitude otherwise? Despite my mental and emotional blocks against fakery, I have discovered a hack. I have written many times about my fondness for loving-kindness practice. One of the reasons I love this practice so much is that it serves as a gratitude practice for me.

I don’t go into the practice hoping for gratitude but it almost always shows up as a wonderful side effect. When I bring to mind the people I love and care about and wish them well, invariably I also feel gratitude that they are in my life. Strangely, I even sometimes feel gratitude to myself and to the difficult people in my life as the practice progresses.

Try This Gratitude Meditation

This is why I am sharing a gratitude meditation that is really a modified loving-kindness practice. It follows the same traditional pattern, but instead of wishing the phrases of peace and well-being it includes an offering of gratitude. I did this one for a Mindfulness in Law Society Virtual Sit and remembered how much I liked it.

To try out the practice, find it here or on our YouTube channel or on Insight Timer. Please have a wonderful holiday weekend. I am honestly and sincerely grateful to have you as a reader and meditation friend.

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Strong Lawyers Know When to Ask for Help

I never used to ask for help. Like at all. For most of my life, I would struggle mightily on my own for hours. I’d wade in self-doubt, angst, and worry until some unwitting person happened upon me. So overcome by pity and confusion, this person would practically force help on me.

In situations like this, a part of me would be glad to get some support. Clearly, I needed it. Usually the helpful person would see something I hadn’t, have an expertise I didn’t, or at least calm me down enough that I could think again. Even so, being in this position of vulnerability caused me to feel something else too: shame.

There’s No Shame in Asking for Help

Shame at what, you might be wondering. Just for needing help? Of course, the answer to that question, justifiably scoffing as it is, is yes. I used to feel ashamed to ask for help and certainly to need help. Ugh. Even the words “need help” sounded so piteous to me then that I couldn’t bear to think they referred to me.

I am here to officially declare that I have changed my mind about help. In truth, help is not something to be ashamed of at all. Help, knowing when you need it and having people to ask, is something that should make any lawyer exceedingly proud.

Asking for Help Usually Shows Self-Awareness and Wisdom

Think about it. Asking for help implies a few things that any smart, capable professional ought to be thrilled to announce to the world. First, knowing when to ask for help requires two important traits: (1) self-awareness; and (2) wisdom.

Though nobody, especially lawyers, likes the experience of acknowledging our own limits, few would argue that being aware of one’s limits is a bad thing. In fact, most lawyers would readily admit that they have seen disastrous consequences for lawyers and professionals who lack the ability to see themselves clearly.

Wisdom is related to self-awareness but it implies more than a present moment awareness of oneself. Instead, wisdom only exists when one is aware of lived experience over time. Knowing when to ask for help requires wisdom because we have to judge when collaboration serves us better than individual action alone.

Image with quote from the post which says "Acts of kindness support well-being but most people underestimate how much others are willing to help."

Asking for Help Means You Have Someone Helpful to Ask

Another reason why asking for help should make you proud is that doing so implies something most lawyers would want to brag about: a solid network. Think about it. If you ask for help, you are probably going to be asking someone with a talent, position, or expertise you don’t have.

Inherently, this implies that you are connected and on good terms with talented, powerful, kind, and prosocial people. This is something to celebrate and to relish. In fact, this is very reason that most lawyers take pride in cultivating good networks. We do so because networks can help us in many ways that most of us could never predict.

Asking for Help Increases Connection and Happiness

Some lawyers, myself included, may still struggle to ask for help on the theory that they don’t want to “burden” someone else. Though this may sound noble, it could easily be hiding something dark. I used to say this all the time, but I have since come to realize that I was just too afraid to feel vulnerable.

Hard as it was to face this feeling, I eventually came to see that this small act of vulnerability was a way to cultivate trust. Even to this day, it still feels awkward and desperate when I ask for help, but when I get it I always feel a warm glow. That warm glow is a connection to someone else and the feeling of support.

Research suggests, and I can attest, that people who offer help are similarly affected. Acts of kindness support well-being but most people underestimate how much others are willing to help. This means that seeking help isn’t a burden at all, but instead an invitation to connection.

Image sharing three of the points from the blog post indicating why lawyers show strength when they ask for help

Conclusion

If you struggle with asking for help, you aren’t alone. This is a reality for most lawyers. Even if facing every problem alone is your default setting, you can change this habit over time. Remembering that asking for help is a sign of strength is a good place to start. Next time you start to feel ashamed at the thought of needing help, flip the script. Knowing when to ask for help and having someone to ask aren’t signs of weakness; they are clear signs of strength.

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