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5 Years of Blogging: Lessons Learned for Mindful Lawyers

Cover image for blog post with picture of birthday cake with candle in shape of number five and title "5 Years of Blogging: Lessons Learned for Mindful Lawyers"

I am really proud to say that I just celebrated five years of blogging. I started this blog in 2020 with little more than a vague notion that I wanted to write about mindfulness for lawyers. I was not sure I would be able to keep the blog going, but I did.

Here are the most surprising lessons I learned along the way.

1. Start with a Vision and Let the Plan Emerge.

Many people start a new goal and think a clear plan is an essential first step. I don’t disagree with this, but this could be an impediment for something new. When I started this blog, I knew a lot about mindfulness but I knew almost nothing about blogging.

What made me start was more of a vision. I knew that my mind was active and I need a place to share my thoughts. I also knew a lot about mindfulness and loved sharing about it. From experience, I also knew that there was a need for practical and accessible instruction for lawyers on the subject.

I did chart out a rough plan to get started. I planned to post weekly and created a few categories of posts to get me started, including:

At first, I stuck to this framework and I have on average stuck to my goal of writing weekly. Over time, I added more categories, resources, and meditations.

In other words, sometimes a vision is all you need to get started and a clearer plan can emerge with time.

2. Blogging Takes Some Discipline.

When I tell people that I practice law, teach mindfulness and manage a blog, they always comment on my discipline. While I have sometimes been skeptical about discipline, they do have a point.

In truth, much like mindfulness practice, discipline will not sustain a long-term habit like blogging. But that doesn’t mean it’s not important at all. Much like with mindfulness, I needed discipline to keep coming back to the practice.

There have been so many days when I did not feel like writing or told myself I could not think of a good idea. Then I made myself sit down for a little bit and at least try to write. And you know what? A blog post emerged. Over time, I kind of started to like this. I found it pretty magical.

That magic could not have happened without the small amount of discipline it took me to sit down and try. Discipline is not everything and should not be everything for a habit you mean to last for years but it matters.

3. Blogging Needs to Be Fun.

I have written before about the fact that mindfulness practice should ideally become at least a little bit enjoyable. Even with all the discipline in the world, I never would have kept blogging for 5 years if I wasn’t having some fun.

I love writing. It makes my mind feel better. It allows me to get some of my copious thoughts out of my head and provides much needed mental space. I also love sharing about things that light me up, whether it is mindfulness practices, good movies or music, or stories of amazing people.

There is no doubt that blogging is a ton of work. It required a lot of effort and time. But it also was fun for me to share my story and things I love and to watch something I built grow over time. Good habits require discipline for sure, but the best ones are also fun.

Image that says "celebrating five years of sharing mindfulness for lawyers! Thank you to our guest bloggers, readers, followers, and friends."

4. Good Habits Grow with You.

For good habits to stay fun, though, they have to change along with you. The thing about this blog’s five-year anniversary that makes me the most proud is that it really has grown with me. Change is something that most lawyers deal with frequently.

In the last five years, though, I experienced a lot. I had two job changes, I wrote 2 books and edited a treatise, and my daughters went from little kids to pre-teens. Because of this, I had to keep my blogging flexible.

There were times when I had to pause or take a break from writing. There were times when I wrote more because I had the energy. Part of the reason I think I made it to five years is that I let the blog have this level of flexibility.

5. The Best Habits Sustain You.

This is the thing that most lawyers don’t believe when I tell them. Blogging and writing in general give me more energy than they take. People always ask me how I find the energy to keep a blog going. Some of the answer is that creating things creates energy for me.

As I said, this blog has been with me through a lot of change. Some of the times in the last five years have been really hard. Though this blog takes a lot of effort, it also sustained me during those hard times.

For one thing, having a way to share beneficial things helped me avoid hopelessness when the the world was a challenging place. As a practical matter, much like I have written about when it comes to meditation, all the time I spent writing was time that I didn’t spend agonizing over work or my life.

In this way, writing on the blog gave me something to focus on besides the heavy parts of my life. Sure, I have to come back and face those parts eventually. But I could usually face them with a clearer mind and a fuller heart after spending a little time writing.

Conclusion

There are the lessons I have learned after blogging about mindfulness for five years. I am so glad that I got started and kept going even on the days that I wasn’t sure I could. Just like my mindfulness practice, writing helps me stay mentally healthy and teaches me so much. Thanks to all the lawyers, readers, followers, and friends who have supported the blog. It’s been a great five years and I hope I get to celebrate many more anniversaries in the future.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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5 Mindful Steps to Process Complex Emotions

Image of three men holding emotions signs in front of their faces with title "Five Mindful Steps to Process Complex Emotions"

Sometimes thinking can block emotions and keep us from understanding what they mean. When emotions are complex, just thinking about them can just lead to more confusion. It can be hard to know what to do next when you aren’t even clear how you feel.

I recently worked through this situation myself and I know that I am not alone with this problem. Lawyers are paid to think and use our brains to solve problems. When difficult emotions arise, it can be hard to not rely on the skills we keep so sharp at work.

Unfortunately, my thinking was not solving my emotions. This is when I realized that I needed to put my lawyer skills aside for a moment and use the skills I have developed through mindfulness training. Here are the five mindful steps I took to process and understand my complex emotions.

1. Recognize Confusion about Emotions

Naming emotions is a tried and true strategy for getting needed distance and clarity from them. But what can you do when you aren’t sure what name to apply? Many lawyers don’t enjoy confusion like this. I know that I typically don’t. As a big thinker, it can be hard to not know what to think.

From the perspective of mindfulness, though, confusion is truly more of an open door than a roadblock. It’s a sign to look more closely or to reconsider your approach. Some of us may not be the best at naming our emotions if we haven’t practiced it much. If that is you, confusion about emotions could be a sign that you need to give them more time and space.

In my case, after years of mindfulness practice, I can usually identify my emotions pretty quickly. So, when I found myself unsure about what I was feeling, I took a step back and to try something else.

2. Let Go of Thinking (at Least Temporarily)

This led me to realize that my thinking about my emotions was not getting me anywhere. My attempts to name my emotions just led me to a lot of analyzing them. One thing you may notice if you pay attention is that emotions don’t always play by the rules of logic.

Instead, emotions often have their own logic. It usually doesn’t work to scrutinize them too closely or analyze them too intently. When you let the brain run wild, the thinking mind’s insatiable desire for rationality may cause your true emotions to hide.

Recognizing this in myself, I let go of thinking for a while.

Image of quote from the blog post that says "Emotions don't always play by the rules of logic. They often have their own logic."

3. Feel the Feelings in Your Body

Anyone who has meditated for even a few minutes knows that commanding oneself to stop thinking is useless. If you intentionally try to stop thinking, you will very likely just start thinking about why you should not be thinking.

What you can do, though, is to shift your attention. If you want to disrupt a thought chain, a tried and true strategy is to direct your attention to your body. This is also a great move if you are trying to understand emotions, since they often arise most prominently in the body.

If you are new to mindfulness or have a history of trauma, be gentle with this process and go as slowly as you need. You can also use a practice like RAIN to help yourself gradually explore and tolerate feelings in your body.

In many cases, allowing the feelings to manifest exactly as they are will help you get clearer on what you feel. More significantly, opening to the emotions in your body may allow you to feel care and compassion for yourself.

4. Make Some Space for Exploring Thoughts

After I let my feelings say their piece, I often find that some attention to thoughts make sense. Sometimes this is because, after acknowledging my feelings, I am better able to name and understand them.

When thoughts emerge at this point, I don’t push them away. Instead, I allow some space for them. I find this to be an important step when I am conflicted because sometimes I feel one thing and I think something else. To really understand what my emotions are, I generally need to make some space for thoughts too.

For a few minutes after I sit with my feelings, I let the thoughts bounce around. The thoughts might include the names of my feelings or my reactions to them. It also might include strategies and approaches for moving forward or caring for myself.

What you should watch out for here is trying to think your way into feeling how you want to feel. Ease back by perhaps resting with the breath if your mind becomes unsteady, defensive, or invested in a certain answer. Don’t treat this like you are solving a problem. Instead, treat as an open space for gentle inquiry.

Image sharing the five mindful steps to process complex emotions shared in the blog post

5. If Possible, Share or Express Your Emotions

Once you have taken time to feel your feelings and get curious about thoughts, you may understand your emotions better. If that is the case, a final great step would be to express them.

It is a wonderful gift to be able to share significant feelings with a trusted friend or loved one. For challenging emotions, sharing your experience with someone else can be an important aspect of self-care.

If this is not an option, you can also consider writing about your experience or your emotions. As a lawyer, I know that I sometimes don’t know what I think about a case until I write the brief. Emotions can be this way too. Sometimes writing can unlock something hidden from view until the words hit the page.

Regardless of how you choose to express your feelings, it is a good idea to do so. In many cases, emotions are messengers. Sharing your feelings on the page or with a friend can help you understand the message better.

Sometimes It Takes Time to Understand Your Emotions

Emotions can often be very simple. Some emotions, like anger or sadness, are hard to mistake. Even so, most lawyers and professionals deal with complex problems in our life and work. This means we are bound to encounter situations that invoke complicated, conflicted, and confusing emotions.

We may sometimes need a little bit of extra time and a systematic approach to making sense of how we feel. With a little bit of time, mindfulness, and self-compassion, it is possible to get clarity about confusing emotions.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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RAIN Meditation: A Step-by-Step Guide for Lawyers

Image of rain falling on leaves with title of blog post "RAIN Meditation: A Step-by-Step Guide for Lawyers"

In meditation, I usually try to keep things simple. Most of the time, I focus on my breath or do open awareness practice. Hard times, though, may require something more. When my emotions are high and thoughts are swirling, I need a framework to keep me steady. That’s when I go for RAIN practice.

RAIN is an acronym which stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture. Sometimes the “N” can have other meanings, including “nourish” or the return to “natural,” as in “natural awareness.” RAIN was originally developed by meditation teacher Michelle McDonald, but it has been popularized by one of my favorite teachers, Tara Brach.

RAIN is a wonderful tool to have in your mindfulness toolbox because it can help you deal with difficulty. In this post, I will briefly explain what RAIN is and how you might use it. I’ll also share a new guided meditation at the end so you can try it yourself.

What Is RAIN Meditation?

As indicated below, RAIN does not have to be done in a formal meditation practice. You can use the RAIN framework in many different ways. Regardless of how you choose to do it, here is an overview of each step of the RAIN practice.

1. Recognize the Struggle

The first step of RAIN is “R” for “recognize.” This is a fundamental but essential step. Recognize simply means to bring awareness to the fact that you are having a difficult moment.

This many sound simple or even childish to some. As I have written before, though, just admitting when things are hard can be life-changing for lawyers. Many people, like me, struggle to accept when we are having a hard time. We may be too busy, or feel like we aren’t allowed to have difficult moments.

This is true for many lawyers who may be perfectionists, struggle with imposter syndrome, or feel like we have always “look professional.” When we recognize in RAIN practice, we drop all that baggage and start the process of facing facts. We start the process by stopping, looking, and feeling instead of pushing our experience away and pretending we are fine.

2. Allow Whatever Arises in Your Experience

The next letter in RAIN is “A” and that stands for “allow.” This is an essential step because most of us do not want to move closer when an experience is hard. Many of us are accustomed to pushing bad feelings away, numbing ourselves, or just ignoring what is happening.

That is a very human approach to strong emotions or situations we can’t control, but it often leads to other problems. When we allow in RAIN practice, we stop the pretending, numbing, and running. Instead, we just allow our thoughts and emotions and the situation that prompted them to be as they are.

This doesn’t mean we allow things to go on forever. Instead, with RAIN practice we allow them for a moment so that we can understand our feelings better. Allowing is really about creating a safe clearing for our emotions to manifest so that we can gain clarity about them.

3. Investigate with Kindness

This understanding often comes in the third step of RAIN – “I” for “investigate.” Lawyers may need to be reminded that investigation in RAIN practice should not be confused with interrogation. Instead, the direction is to investigate with kindness.

Rather than questioning ourselves harshly, investigate with kindness means to slowly and gently peel back the layers on our feelings. In this stage, you can get curious about your feelings. One way I do this is to ask myself a few questions:

  • What emotions are present here?
  • Where do I feel the emotions?
  • What is the hardest part of this experience?
  • What message, if any, are these emotions telling me?

This is not an exhaustive list of questions and questions aren’t truly essential. What is essential here is to look closely and nonjudgmentally at your inner experience to understand yourself more clearly.

4. Nurture, Nourish, or Return to Natural

The last stage of RAIN is the one where you may have options. Michelle McDonald originally taught the “N” to refer to “non-identification.” This was a reference to the fact that we can depersonalize a situation and allow ourselves space and freedom in responding to it. In other words, you can let go of the clinging and grasping caused by emotional reactivity and return to your natural state.

Tara Brach, on the other hand, has emphasized self-care a bit more. She has used the terms “nourish” and “nurture” instead to remind us to treat ourselves with self-compassion. Thus, when we nourish or nurture ourselves in RAIN, we may give ourselves what we need, including self-kindness.

I have done the practice both ways and I prefer to leave it flexible. Sometimes when I do RAIN, the first three steps are enough for a reset and I can return to my natural state automatically. On other occasions, especially when I am working with vulnerable emotions like fear or disappointment, a more explicit dose of self-kindness is needed.

Image showing the four steps of RAIN meditation which is an effective strategy lawyers can use to manage difficult emotions

When Could Lawyers Use RAIN Practice?

Lawyers can use RAIN practice in any situation that they want to more clearly understand their life or inner experience. Most often, though, I use RAIN in time of high stress, struggle, or disruptive change. Here are a few examples of the ways that I use RAIN practice.

RAIN is an excellent tool for processing strong emotions. I find it especially useful for sitting with and investigating anger. This emotion can be volatile, so having a clear framework really helps. RAIN is also good for anger because it encourages a closer look. In many cases, anger hides other more vulnerable emotions. Using RAIN helps me acknowledge all of my emotions and take care of myself better.

I also have found that RAIN is excellent for processing life situations I don’t understand. Sometimes big emotions aren’t present, but my mind may be churning and continuing to think about a negative situation. When I see this happening, I go through a RAIN practice.

Sometimes I discover emotions I didn’t realize where there and sometimes I realize that I had been overlooking critical facts in a situation. Either way, I usually feel better after doing the practice.

Can Lawyers Use RAIN Outside of Meditation?

When I am really struggling, I find that RAIN works better by talking it out. Meditation teacher and psychologist, Tara Brach, suggests finding a partner to help you work through the practice. This can help you get more support as you work through the practice.

If you don’t want to work with a partner, I have verbally practiced the steps on my own. Yes, I know it may feel or sound a bit weird to talk to yourself, so you certainly want to do this in a quiet place. Even so, saying the steps out loud to myself and working through them really helps.

If you don’t want to talk it out, another option could be to write the practice out. You could do this in a brief essay on a sheet of paper by working through each of the steps. To try this out, check out the RAIN Practice Worksheet which is available for download.

Image showing RAIN meditation worksheet which allows lawyers and others to do the practice in written form outside of meditation

Is RAIN Practice Right for Most Lawyers?

RAIN is a simple technique that most lawyers can try it even if they are new to meditation. With that said, because the practice involves facing challenging emotions and situations directly, some foundational experience may be helpful. This might include having a some practice experience in cultivating focused attention, body awareness, and self-compassion.

If you are new to meditation or RAIN practice, it is best to avoid pushing too hard or too fast with the practice. Don’t select the most challenging, recent, or devastating life situation for practice at first. Instead, start small with a sensation, experience, or situation that you might rate as a minor or moderate challenge.

If you are not sure whether the practice is right for you, it’s never a bad idea to consult with your medical or mental health care provider. This is especially true if you are dealing with any current medical or mental health conditions or have past experiences, including trauma, that have not been fully integrated.

Try RAIN in this New Guided Meditation

Want to try RAIN yourself? Check out the new guided meditation on our YouTube channel. The practice is just over 13 minutes and goes through each of the 4 steps of the RAIN practice. It may help you rest, heal, and gain clarity about your thoughts and emotions.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Unlocking the Benefits of Open Awareness Meditation

Cover image for blog post of man meditating with title "Unlocking the Benefits of Open Awareness Meditation"

“Just sit there.” This was some of the best meditation advice I ever got. When my meditation practice was still young, a teacher gave me this instruction during an interview on a retreat. I had been doing breath focus practice for a while and explained that I was rushing back to the breath. Though I didn’t know the term then, my teacher suggested that I try open awareness or open monitoring meditation.

On the very next sit, that is what I did and I quickly fell in love. As I will explain in this post, open awareness meditation has some disadvantages. But for me the advantages were clear. I had honed focus pretty well, but I needed to learn to relax and let go. If this sounds familiar to you, keep reading. In this post, I will briefly explain what open awareness practice is. I will also tell you how to do it. Finally, I will show you how to embed it in your meditation practice.

What Is Open Awareness Meditation?

As the instructions from my teacher indicated, the beauty of open awareness practice is its simplicity. With this style, you drop all specific focal points and just sit there. The thing is, of course, that you don’t merely sit there. Instead, you sit there and pay attention to whatever comes up in your awareness.

This includes thoughts, sensations in the body, emotions, and external stimuli. In short, with open awareness meditation the practice is to note all of your awareness. Ideally, you will also do so with mental clarity but without judgment.

Image of woman meditating with google search bar asking "how to do open awareness meditation" which is explained in the blog post

Why You Should Try Open Awareness Meditation?

Many people assume that focus is the primary benefit of meditation. That can be true for many people, but I don’t think it is true for all. Many people, including lots of lawyers, may have pretty strong focus skills already. As I learned, though, meditation can also impart other important traits.

These include things like relaxing, letting go, non-judgment and kindness. Open awareness helps to cultivate these things in particular because the practice literally invites everything into awareness. Nothing is off limits. It’s all part of the practice. As you practice welcoming everything in experience into awareness, you build patience, flexibility, equanimity, and self-kindness.

Potential Benefits of Open Awareness Meditation

Because all of us are different, the potential benefits of open awareness meditation are varied. With that said, I quickly experienced more access to insight when I started open awareness meditation. I also noticed an increase in intuition and creativity. When I allowed space in my mind, I became clearer about my life and more receptive to my own ideas.

I also soon started to understand myself better because I started to see my patterns in real time. Instead of merely focusing on the breath, I could see familiar narratives arise and fade. By watching this play out, some of those stories lost their power. These included my tendency to doubt myself and to do everything on my own. This made room for new wholesome ones, like self-compassion and opening to creative pursuits like writing.

Image of man meditating with benefits of open awareness meditation, including patience, flexibility, equanimity, and creativity, listed as an overlay on the picture

How to Explore Open Awareness Meditation

If this sounds attractive, you may next wonder how you can start exploring open awareness meditation. As I already mentioned, the classic way to start this practice is to start just sitting. Let go of all focal points, broaden the scope of your awareness, and see what comes up. For people with some experience with meditation, this can be a great way to explore a new style of practice.

Some may worry that this openness can cause confusion. However, there are ways to expand awareness more gradually. One choice is to try a noting practice, in which you note things that arise in experience. You can also try practices that categorize experience, such as a practice that focuses on feeling tones (neutral, pleasant, unpleasant). Shinzen Young also has a style called “see-hear-feel” that categorizes the visual, auditory, and sensory experiences that arise.

Dealing with Disadvantages or Problems

Now, some people may worry that their mind isn’t automatically open or won’t stay open for this practice. The easy answer is that starting with open awareness practice is not necessary. You don’t need to begin with it in order to do it. Instead, you can begin a meditation session with breath focus. You could also use a body scan or a mantra. Then transition to open awareness. This is what I have done for years, though the time I need to spend settling with a focus practice has decreased over time.

You may worry that open awareness could lead to dullness. It might also cause spacing out. This is something that happens to the best of us. One way to tackle this is to manage sleepiness. Watch your temperature, practice at a good time of day, and don’t try to meditate after a big meal. Another solution is to bring back in elements of focus practice to support mental clarity when needed. For example, if you find yourself spacing out you can energize the mind with a focus practice.

Conclusion: Open Awareness Meditation Is a Practice to Try

In truth, though, you can’t learn open awareness meditation from reading about it in a blog post. I wrote this post to encourage you to consider and explore the practice. The best way to learn about open awareness meditation and what it can do for you is try it yourself. To that end, I give you the same advice my teacher gave me years ago. Set a timer. Find a quiet safe space. Just sit there. See what open awareness meditation can do for you.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Overcoming the Productivity Trap: A Mindful Approach

Blog post cover image with title "Overcoming the Productivity Trap: A Mindful Approach" and image of lawyer standing over large trap

I have a confession to make. Though I am a teacher of mindfulness, I am not the best at doing nothing. In fact, some might argue that I am among the worst at it. I’m not good at rest and fall into the productivity trap often.

Since this blog is aimed at lawyers and professionals, I assume you may recognize this problem. Life experience and years of meditation have helped me learn how to relax on demand and to appreciate the need for doing so. Still, even when I am tired and have the time to rest, I sometimes struggle to set the urge to be productive aside.

Is Extra Productivity Really a Bad Thing?

Now, your first thought here may be “wait a second, is it really bad to want to be productive?” In itself, motivation to do useful things is not bad. On the other hand, all of us need time to rest. If you are someone in the habit of being productive, you can turn yourself unwittingly into a perpetual motion machine.

This means that your normally useful habit of accomplishing tasks can become an impediment to rest and recovery. As a case in point, I was exhausted this weekend. Though I was blessed with an open schedule, I found myself trying to cross things off my small to do list. When I realized my foolishness, I stopped but it took me a few steps to let go. In case you need help with this, here are the steps I took.

1. Recognize When Productivity Has Its Limits.

The first step to breaking habitual activity is to recognize that your activity is arising –not from need–but habit. Lawyers and professionals tend to be busy people and so we train the habit of maximizing our time with useful activities all week. Though it may sound silly, many of us may have to get intentional about rest because it may not come naturally.

So how do you spot this tendency? Experience is the best teacher here if you pay attention. But the calling card for me is when my heart is not in whatever I find myself doing. If I am not present with the activity and mentally checked out, that’s the clearest sign that I’m tired and need to stop.

Image with quote from the blog post that says "Lawyers and professionals train the habit of maximizing our time with useful activities all week, so we may have to get intentional about rest."

2. Ask If Your Activity Is Truly Productive.

As I have written before, I am a big believer in active rest. Though I love meditation as a way to rest, I don’t believe the only way to rest is to do nothing. In fact, this Saturday even though I was tired, I went right into my active rest activities: working out, cooking, and some attempted writing.

I felt better after the first two, but started to feel checked out when I tried to write. After I noticed myself scrolling the internet instead of crafting paragraphs, I asked myself whether the screen time was giving me what I needed. It wasn’t hard to see that I was just wasting my time.

3. Notice How You Feel.

Once you see that your current activity isn’t serving a purpose, you may need to decide what to do or not do next. The best way to do this is to notice how you feel. This can be as simple as scanning through your body to identify energy levels and emotions.

Being someone who does not always have a lot of unstructured time on my hands, I usually have a few wish list activities in the back of my mind. My list includes things like movies I want to watch, books I want to read, things I want to make, or special places I want to visit. If you have a wish list like this, scan through it and notice which one calls out to you the most strongly.

4. Stop, Slow Down, and Really Rest.

When I went through step 3 above on Saturday, I realized that I was really and truly tired. Productivity was out of the question. I was too tired to move or to focus my attention on a craft. Then I remembered it was awards season that many excellent movies were streaming. I decided to watch Maria on Netflix and was not disappointed. It was a much better use of my time than scrolling mindlessly on my phone or laptop.

Of course, the point here is that once you identify how you feel and the activity that catches your interest, you actually have to do it. When your mind, heart, and body are telling you to stop or slow down, listen if you can. That’s what rest is and the more you practice it the better you will get at relaxing when you want to relax.

Image showing professional man resting by a window and listing 5 tips for avoiding the productivity trap shared in the blog post.

5. Trust that Your Energy Will Return.

Even if you pick a restful activity as nice as the one I selected for myself, you may still feel some anxiety or even guilt about it. Some of us struggle to relax because we can’t stop thinking about all the things we are leaving undone. This is how productivity really feel like a trap.

This is where experience with a noting practice can really come in handy. When I get like this, I shift into noting the anxious thoughts merely as “thoughts” and then letting them go. After a few rounds of this, my mind usually wears itself out and I can chill.

If not, I remember to trust myself. Though it can be hard to slow down, life experience shows most of us that energy returns when we give ourselves a chance to rest. When I really need it, I recall a specific example where rest helped me achieve something more efficiently and effectively. In case you need an example, this blog post is it. I rested Saturday and was able to write this post with little struggle on Sunday.

Conclusion: You Can Avoid the Productivity Trap.

If you are someone who likes to get things done and struggles to slow down, you are not alone. Many lawyers and professionals, and even at least one mindfulness teacher that I know of, are in the same boat. Lots of good people struggle to relax even when they clearly need it and have the time. If this is you, don’t beat yourself up but you can use these steps to guide yourself into an activity or that can help you relax and recharge.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Craft Your Daily Meditation Practice

Cover image for blog post with title that says "How to Craft Your Daily Meditation Practice"

One of the most common questions I get as a meditation teacher is also my favorite question to ask other meditators. That question is “what does your meditation practice look like?” As a teacher, I know people are asking for guidance about what their practice should or could be.

When I am asking the question, though, I am not asking it to test the other person. Instead, I am asking it because someone’s daily practice can tell you a lot. I love seeing the variety of ways that people find to make meditation their own, so I enjoy hearing people talk about it.

Though certain lineages may have preferred meditation practices, there aren’t universally applicable rules that apply to all of us. In addition, even very experienced meditators may have to rethink or revamp their practice regimen from time to time. Here are some things to consider when crafting or reshaping your meditation practice.

1. Identify the Intention Behind Your Meditation Practice.

One of the reasons that I cannot offer a generally applicable “ideal” meditation practice is that I think meditation works best when it supports personal intentions. By this, I don’t mean that meditation must or should be a solely individualistic endeavor. I have said many times before that community is essential to meditation and that, ideally, meditation will help us engage more fully in our communities.

Even so, meditation is a long-term practice. If you are going to make the habit stick, it helps if it supports your life, values, and goals. As a result, an important first step in crafting a meditation practice is to consider your intention for meditating.

Do you want the health benefits? Do you want a time to rest? Do you want to learn better ways of managing stress? Do you want a time to check in with yourself? Do you want to relax so you can get better sleep? Whatever it is, identifying the purpose driving you can help you tailor a meditation practice.

Image with quote from the blog post that says "Meditation works best when it supports personal intentions."

2. Consider the Meditation Technique that Supports Your Intention.

Identifying your intention for practice is important because there are so many options for practice technique. Meditation practices come from a variety of spiritual lineages, secular disciplines, and include a seemingly endless number of techniques.

If your practice lasts long enough, crafting your meditation routine may include exploration of everything from breath focus, to body scan, mantra, loving-kindness, and beyond. Exploration is a great thing, but ideally your daily practice will become relatively simple, stable, and consistent.

Your specific purpose in meditating will help you decide which practice best supports your life. This may take some trial and error and experimentation. Pay attention to how you feel in practice and any changes that you may be experiencing in life. This can tell you if the practice is supporting your intention or not.

3. Decide the Frequency, Duration, and Setting for Your Meditation Sessions.

Once you have selected a practice, then you must decide how long, how often, and where to practice. Many people ask me for a minimum time they must practice to get benefits. Though I recommend starting small for those new to practice, ideally the duration of your sessions will grow over time. So, the real question is what amount of time will you, as a practical matter, meditate consistently?

That is because consistency is what transforms meditation from a pastime to a practice. As a practicing lawyer myself and a busy mom, I don’t claim to meditate every day without fail. But I meditate most days and strive for 30 minutes of daily practice. That period of time is sustainable for me long-term and it allows me to rest, connect with myself, and cultivate focus and stability.

In the same way, it helps to have a designated meditation spot which may include your meditation cushion or a comfortable chair. Meditation on the go is a necessary option for most lawyers and one I frequently use. With that said, a special spot can help to remind you of practice and settle more quickly when your meditation starts.

Image with quote that says: "People often ask for the “minimum” amount of time they must meditate to see benefits. A better question is: what amount of time will you, as a practical matter, meditate consistently?"

4. Don’t Forget to Ask for Help.

Still feel lost with all of the details regarding meditation practice? That’s normal. It could be a sign that you need some more exploration time to feel at ease in your practice. It could also be reason to consider getting more support for your practice.

Over the millennia, meditation has been taught in groups and with teachers. Technology has allowed us to learn the practice without these supports and I got my practice started without them. Whether you use guided meditations or prefer an unguided practice, starting with the help of an app (or this blog!) may be great for those of us who want to explore meditation before we commit.

For more in-depth understanding of the practices and the many shapes that meditation can take, you can always explore working with a meditation teacher, taking a course, or finding a community. Even if you meditate alone most of the time, getting help and support may instill confidence that you have a practice that supports your life.

Image that shares the 4 tips for crafting a meditation practice shared in the blog post

Conclusion

There are many effective ways that you can structure a daily or regular meditation practice. If you practice meditation for long enough, you are bound to find that your practice will shift and change with time. Whether you are new to meditation or are experienced and looking for a change, this post is offered to help you evaluate your daily practice to ensure it continues to benefit your life.

If you want some immediate help for your practice, check out the Resources page and our guided meditations. In particular, these downloads may be helpful in shaping a practice that works for you:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Understanding Dry January: A Lawyer’s Journey to Sobriety

Cover image for blog post with title: Understanding Dry January: A Lawyer's Journey to Sobriety

I have written about my experience with Dry January several times on the blog. The likely reason for this is that I have done Dry January for the last 5 years. In January, 2021, I decided to give it a shot and the results opened my eyes.

After doing so, I decided to learn ways to moderate my alcohol consumption over time. It led to better sleep, more productivity, and increased feelings of control when it came to my personal habits.

What Happens After Dry January?

There are some people out there, though, who try something like Dry January and instantly decide that they will never touch a drop of alcohol again. My friend and fellow Kentucky lawyer, Christina Mazaheri, wrote about her experience on the blog. She recently reported on social media that her complete sobriety is still going strong.

But what about the people whose path to sobriety is not so direct? What about the people who try a period of sobriety, only to discover that moderation remains a challenge after the period ends? I’m pleased to report I have a friend and fellow lawyer who was willing to share about topic too.

A Lawyer Shares Her Journey to Sobriety

The first week in January, my friend and fellow member of the FDCC, Jennifer Hoffman, shared a post on LinkedIn discussing Dry January and her sobriety for the last 3 years. I knew Jennifer as a rock star litigation lawyer from Florida and a warm and kind person. When I saw her post, I immediately asked her to join me on the FDCC Speaks Podcast.

Jennifer agreed, and I was so happy she did. She was gracious in sharing the story of what led her to evaluate her drinking habits. Like me and many people out there, Jennifer’s habits were affected by the pandemic, but she also was affected by grief at the loss of her daughter.

Why to Try a Dry January or a Sober October?

Though it took her some time to work through the doubts and shame that come with looking at one’s relationship to alcohol, she decided to give herself a chance to see what sobriety looked like. As it turns out, Jennifer didn’t stop drinking in January. She did sober October instead. But, like many who do Dry January, the experiment opened her eyes.

Of course, after Jennifer succeeded in abstaining for the month of October, she found it difficult to moderate when she started drinking again. Within a few weeks, Jennifer decided she was done and she hasn’t had any alcohol in the ensuing three years.

How to Listen to the Full Interview

So, why am I sharing this interview on the blog? First, I was inspired and touched by Jennifer’s story and felt honored that she shared it with me on the FDCC Speaks podcast. If you give it a listen, I think you will be too. In addition, I think Jennifer’s story shows how much courage it can take to check one’s habits with alcohol and the impact it can have.

Finally, the interview has a load of practical tips and product recommendations that anyone trying Dry January or considering a change in their alcohol habits might need. To learn more about Jennifer and listen to the podcast, you can find it here on Apple podcasts.

If you are trying Dry January, check out the blog posts linked above for more tips, ideas, and resources. And for a meditation to help manage cravings, check out this one on Insight Timer or here:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Need Motivation to Meditate? Try This Hack

Cover image for blog post entitled "Need motivation to meditate? Try this hack"

It’s a Monday night and I am trying to get myself into writing mode. My weekend plans blocked my normal motivation to write. Now I am stuck in last minute work mode and trying to find the motivation to crank something out. Then it hit me. My own life advice suddenly went careening through my mind. “Just do five minutes,” it bellowed.

And that, dear readers, is the post for today. The five-minute rule-or hack or strategy or cudgel for those really bad days-is something that has saved many a healthy habit for me, including meditation. It’s very simple, which makes it a perfect for those low energy times.

What is the five-minute rule?

The five-minute rule is not really a rule. I am not sure it has any basis in research. It’s not necessarily a scientific thing. Rather, it’s a practical thing. Finding motivation can be a challenge for any healthy habit and it can be especially hard for meditation. Why?

Well, if you don’t feel like doing something, it can be especially hard to sit and pay close attention to exactly how much you don’t feel like it.

What’s the answer to this problem? One simple answer is to cut down on the time you spend noticing how much you aren’t feeling it. This is where the five-minute rule enters the chat in the form of a motivational GIF and a caption that says “bruh, you can do anything for 5 minutes.”

The five-minute rule as applied to meditation.

I’ll explain this in less figurative language in case my metaphor and old millennial text speak was confusing. The five-minute rule is this: you do the thing you don’t want to do even though you know you should, but only for five minutes.

If your normal meditation habits is, for example, 20 minutes, you don’t worry about that. Instead, you just commit to 5 minutes. Then at the end you notice how you feel.

In many cases, you may find that (magically) your mood has changed and you may want to do more. If that happens, go with it. If you do not feel better and hate every second, you should instead stop, let it be, and praise yourself profusely for trying.

Image explaining the five-minute rule, a hack for spurring motivation for healthy habits, including meditation

Why five minutes of meditation matters.

You skeptics out there may wonder why this matters. You may think 5 minutes of meditation or any other healthy habit doesn’t matter. Perhaps you may be right if you are thinking of the five-minute activity by itself.

But when we are talking about habits, we aren’t think of one brief session. Instead, we are talking about hundreds or potentially thousands of them over the span of time. This compounding effect is why research is starting to emerge that shows that even small bits of mindfulness practice can impart benefits.

Short sessions done strategically when needed, though, serve another arguably more significant function: they preserve the habit. If you meditate for five minutes, that’s another day you have meditated and think of yourself as someone who meditates. In fact, if you meditate for a short burst on the days you aren’t feeling it, that isn’t just practicing the habit but committing to it.

Does this work for other activities?

You may be wondering if this hack can work for other activities too. Yes it can. Case in point, I used it for this blog post. I wasn’t sure I felt like writing, but I told myself I would try a few minutes. A few paragraphs in, I found my flow and discovered I was enjoying myself while typing away.

I have done the same thing for exercise too. As I have written before, I usually love my Peloton workouts. Some days, though, I am not into it. My strategy on those days is to do a warm up, which is usually-you guessed it-5 minutes. By the end, I usually feel better. But if I don’t, I quit, praise myself for trying, and call it quits.

Does it have to be five minutes?

Lastly, you may wonder whether the five-minute rule truly has to be five minutes. I’m the meditation teacher that says self-discipline is overrated. Do you really think I am going to be strict on this one? Of course not.

For the hack to work, I recommend investing enough time and to give yourself time to adjust and assess how you feel. However, there’s no reason you can’t try a period less than 5 minutes. For instance, if your normal meditation practice is 10 minutes, a shorter period of 2-3 minutes might make more sense.

Remember: your meditation practice is your practice. The good thing about mindfulness is that it calls you to pay attention. If something doesn’t work for you, notice it and try something else.

Conclusion

In short, when motivation to meditate is low, you don’t necessarily have to fight it. Instead, you could try going with it by reducing the amount of time that you meditate. You may find after five minutes of practice and want to do more, but even when you don’t you may preserve your habit and your identity as someone who meditates. Next time you find yourself unmotivated to sit, remember the rule: just do 5 minutes.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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You Don’t Have to Be Good at Meditation

Cover image for blog post entitled "You don't have to be good at meditation"

I have seen a lot of comments on social media lately where people express an interest in meditation but complain that they just aren’t “good” at it. My answer usually includes some variation of the following: you don’t have to be good at meditation to benefit from it.

For lawyers and other Type A personalities, this may sound like crazy talk. Many of us are trained to think that we have to earn our stripes with something before it can help us. In truth, meditation is a skill and mindfulness and compassion are traits that can be strengthened with practice.

Meditation isn’t about mastery.

In this way, there is a learning curve when it comes to meditation. Does that mean meditation is fundamentally or principally about “mastering” the practice and becoming good at it? Not in my humble opinion.

To the contrary, meditation is sort of a rigged deck. Most people who do the practice never consider themselves good at it. This is because meditation is hard. Paradoxically, the simpler the style of practice one does, the more challenging you may find it to be.

The brain is not wired to stay focused on a single thing for very long. The default mode network of the brain kicks in when we are not intensely occupied and it causes the mind to wander. Thus, when you meditate, you are going against the grain (or should I say against the brain?).

Struggle is part of the practice.

In some ways, meditation is like strength training because the practice, in part, is learning to struggle. Though I generally enjoy exercise, I struggled mightily to build a strength training regimen a few years back. The reason? Strength training is not fun; instead it is a lot of struggle. When I do cardio, I get to move and enjoy music. But strength requires me to push really hard against a lot of weight.

Eventually, I got over this by figuring out a schedule that works and motivates me to keep going. One thing that helped me was seeing how much the strength training helped me. After a few weeks, I noticed that yoga was easier, cardio felt better, and those heavy doors downtown didn’t feel quite so heavy.

Image with quote: "In some ways, meditation is like strength training because the practice, in part, is learning to struggle."

Don’t expect benefits in your meditation practice.

The same is true in meditation. You probably won’t notice huge benefits when you are struggling to focus on the breath in meditation. Since the practice is to notice when the mind wanders, it may feel like a struggle even if you are doing the practice right. But, during this practice time, this experience of struggle may be normal.

This is why some people may say they aren’t “good at” meditation. They see and feel the struggle and think that they aren’t making progress or feeling benefits. In reality, though, meditation isn’t where you will see the benefits most clearly. Just like with strength training, the real question is whether the practice is creating benefits in your life.

Look for the benefits of your meditation practice in your life.

Look for signs that you feel better, mentally or physically. Pay attention to whether you notice your mind wandering in real life and whether you can refocus. Over time, you may notice even more changes like:

Image with quote: Don’t look for signs that meditation is working in your practice. Look for them first in your life.

If meditation feels like it is all struggle, though, get some help.

This is not to say, of course, that you should just “suck it up” when it comes to meditation. After practicing for a while, you should expect that the practice may get a bit easier and I hope you can learn to enjoy it. If that doesn’t happen, though, you may have some options for helping yourself.

You could try modifying your practice to make it more enjoyable. If you have a past history of trauma or other special needs, modifying practice may be essential as an act of kindness to yourself. You could also try working with a trained teacher or finding a supportive community. Taking a course to learn more about mind-body practices might help you too.

Conclusion

In short, I would encourage you as much as possible to let go of the idea that you have to be good at meditation. That’s not the point. Meditation is not about proving yourself, but just being yourself. The question isn’t whether you are good at meditation but instead whether it is good for you. Though I hope that anyone who tries meditation eventually learns to enjoy it, the signs that the practice is working for you are more likely to show up in your daily life.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Mindfulness for Legal Professionals Course Now on PLI

Cover image for blog post entitled "Mindfulness for Legal Professionals Course Now on PLI"

I am asked frequently to do a 1-hour CLE or simply to offer a guide meditation. I am always happy to offer these things to expose people to mindfulness practices or maybe even change their minds about them. The thing is, though, that learning mindfulness takes a bit more time.

What could really make a difference for people is not just learning about mindfulness, but instead learning how to practice it.

Mindfulness Takes Time to Learn

That is why I started this blog and wrote my book. I wanted to give the people who want more depth a way to find it. I wanted to create an easier path for lawyers and professionals like me who wanted to explore mindfulness and compassion.

That is why I am extremely pleased to announce that a new opportunity along these lines is available on PLI (Practising Law Institute). PLI is one of the premier online education providers for lawyers and legal professionals. They reached out to me and asked me to pitch an idea about mindfulness programming for lawyers and legal professionals.

The New Course from PLI Offers In-Depth Mindfulness Instruction

I suggested a 3-hour course that taught the key practices from my book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer. These include mindfulness of thoughts, mindfulness of the body, and mindfulness of emotions. PLI gladly took me up on it and all three sessions are now available to watch on-demand.

These sessions are not for CLE credit, but that leaves more time for true instruction. In each session, you will learn the mechanics of each practice and try a meditation. You will understand basic safety for each mode of practice and how to address common pitfalls.

Where to Find the Mindfulness for Legal Professionals Course

To learn more and watch, check out the PLI website here:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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