Uncategorized - brilliantlegalmind.com

Need Motivation to Meditate? Try This Hack

It’s a Monday night and I am trying to get myself into writing mode. My weekend plans blocked my normal motivation to write. Now I am stuck in last minute work mode and trying to find the motivation to crank something out. Then it hit me. My own life advice suddenly went careening through my mind. “Just do five minutes,” it bellowed.

And that, dear readers, is the post for today. The five-minute rule-or hack or strategy or cudgel for those really bad days-is something that has saved many a healthy habit for me, including meditation. It’s very simple, which makes it a perfect for those low energy times.

What is the five-minute rule?

The five-minute rule is not really a rule. I am not sure it has any basis in research. It’s not necessarily a scientific thing. Rather, it’s a practical thing. Finding motivation can be a challenge for any healthy habit and it can be especially hard for meditation. Why?

Well, if you don’t feel like doing something, it can be especially hard to sit and pay close attention to exactly how much you don’t feel like it.

What’s the answer to this problem? One simple answer is to cut down on the time you spend noticing how much you aren’t feeling it. This is where the five-minute rule enters the chat in the form of a motivational GIF and a caption that says “bruh, you can do anything for 5 minutes.”

The five-minute rule as applied to meditation.

I’ll explain this in less figurative language in case my metaphor and old millennial text speak was confusing. The five-minute rule is this: you do the thing you don’t want to do even though you know you should, but only for five minutes.

If your normal meditation habits is, for example, 20 minutes, you don’t worry about that. Instead, you just commit to 5 minutes. Then at the end you notice how you feel.

In many cases, you may find that (magically) your mood has changed and you may want to do more. If that happens, go with it. If you do not feel better and hate every second, you should instead stop, let it be, and praise yourself profusely for trying.

Image explaining the five-minute rule, a hack for spurring motivation for healthy habits, including meditation

Why five minutes of meditation matters.

You skeptics out there may wonder why this matters. You may think 5 minutes of meditation or any other healthy habit doesn’t matter. Perhaps you may be right if you are thinking of the five-minute activity by itself.

But when we are talking about habits, we aren’t think of one brief session. Instead, we are talking about hundreds or potentially thousands of them over the span of time. This compounding effect is why research is starting to emerge that shows that even small bits of mindfulness practice can impart benefits.

Short sessions done strategically when needed, though, serve another arguably more significant function: they preserve the habit. If you meditate for five minutes, that’s another day you have meditated and think of yourself as someone who meditates. In fact, if you meditate for a short burst on the days you aren’t feeling it, that isn’t just practicing the habit but committing to it.

Does this work for other activities?

You may be wondering if this hack can work for other activities too. Yes it can. Case in point, I used it for this blog post. I wasn’t sure I felt like writing, but I told myself I would try a few minutes. A few paragraphs in, I found my flow and discovered I was enjoying myself while typing away.

I have done the same thing for exercise too. As I have written before, I usually love my Peloton workouts. Some days, though, I am not into it. My strategy on those days is to do a warm up, which is usually-you guessed it-5 minutes. By the end, I usually feel better. But if I don’t, I quit, praise myself for trying, and call it quits.

Does it have to be five minutes?

Lastly, you may wonder whether the five-minute rule truly has to be five minutes. I’m the meditation teacher that says self-discipline is overrated. Do you really think I am going to be strict on this one? Of course not.

For the hack to work, I recommend investing enough time and to give yourself time to adjust and assess how you feel. However, there’s no reason you can’t try a period less than 5 minutes. For instance, if your normal meditation practice is 10 minutes, a shorter period of 2-3 minutes might make more sense.

Remember: your meditation practice is your practice. The good thing about mindfulness is that it calls you to pay attention. If something doesn’t work for you, notice it and try something else.

Conclusion

In short, when motivation to meditate is low, you don’t necessarily have to fight it. Instead, you could try going with it by reducing the amount of time that you meditate. You may find after five minutes of practice and want to do more, but even when you don’t you may preserve your habit and your identity as someone who meditates. Next time you find yourself unmotivated to sit, remember the rule: just do 5 minutes.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

You Don’t Have to Be Good at Meditation

I have seen a lot of comments on social media lately where people express an interest in meditation but complain that they just aren’t “good” at it. My answer usually includes some variation of the following: you don’t have to be good at meditation to benefit from it.

For lawyers and other Type A personalities, this may sound like crazy talk. Many of us are trained to think that we have to earn our stripes with something before it can help us. In truth, meditation is a skill and mindfulness and compassion are traits that can be strengthened with practice.

Meditation isn’t about mastery.

In this way, there is a learning curve when it comes to meditation. Does that mean meditation is fundamentally or principally about “mastering” the practice and becoming good at it? Not in my humble opinion.

To the contrary, meditation is sort of a rigged deck. Most people who do the practice never consider themselves good at it. This is because meditation is hard. Paradoxically, the simpler the style of practice one does, the more challenging you may find it to be.

The brain is not wired to stay focused on a single thing for very long. The default mode network of the brain kicks in when we are not intensely occupied and it causes the mind to wander. Thus, when you meditate, you are going against the grain (or should I say against the brain?).

Struggle is part of the practice.

In some ways, meditation is like strength training because the practice, in part, is learning to struggle. Though I generally enjoy exercise, I struggled mightily to build a strength training regimen a few years back. The reason? Strength training is not fun; instead it is a lot of struggle. When I do cardio, I get to move and enjoy music. But strength requires me to push really hard against a lot of weight.

Eventually, I got over this by figuring out a schedule that works and motivates me to keep going. One thing that helped me was seeing how much the strength training helped me. After a few weeks, I noticed that yoga was easier, cardio felt better, and those heavy doors downtown didn’t feel quite so heavy.

Image with quote: "In some ways, meditation is like strength training because the practice, in part, is learning to struggle."

Don’t expect benefits in your meditation practice.

The same is true in meditation. You probably won’t notice huge benefits when you are struggling to focus on the breath in meditation. Since the practice is to notice when the mind wanders, it may feel like a struggle even if you are doing the practice right. But, during this practice time, this experience of struggle may be normal.

This is why some people may say they aren’t “good at” meditation. They see and feel the struggle and think that they aren’t making progress or feeling benefits. In reality, though, meditation isn’t where you will see the benefits most clearly. Just like with strength training, the real question is whether the practice is creating benefits in your life.

Look for the benefits of your meditation practice in your life.

Look for signs that you feel better, mentally or physically. Pay attention to whether you notice your mind wandering in real life and whether you can refocus. Over time, you may notice even more changes like:

less rushing;
greater kindness, including to yourself; and
enhanced ability to check and question your own thoughts and reactions;
more mental space;
enhanced awareness of emotions; and
increased ability to relax and rest.

Image with quote: Don’t look for signs that meditation is working in your practice. Look for them first in your life.

If meditation feels like it is all struggle, though, get some help.

This is not to say, of course, that you should just “suck it up” when it comes to meditation. After practicing for a while, you should expect that the practice may get a bit easier and I hope you can learn to enjoy it. If that doesn’t happen, though, you may have some options for helping yourself.

You could try modifying your practice to make it more enjoyable. If you have a past history of trauma or other special needs, modifying practice may be essential as an act of kindness to yourself. You could also try working with a trained teacher or finding a supportive community. Taking a course to learn more about mind-body practices might help you too.

Conclusion

In short, I would encourage you as much as possible to let go of the idea that you have to be good at meditation. That’s not the point. Meditation is not about proving yourself, but just being yourself. The question isn’t whether you are good at meditation but instead whether it is good for you. Though I hope that anyone who tries meditation eventually learns to enjoy it, the signs that the practice is working for you are more likely to show up in your daily life.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Mindfulness for Legal Professionals Course Now on PLI

I am asked frequently to do a 1-hour CLE or simply to offer a guide meditation. I am always happy to offer these things to expose people to mindfulness practices or maybe even change their minds about them. The thing is, though, that learning mindfulness takes a bit more time.

What could really make a difference for people is not just learning about mindfulness, but instead learning how to practice it.

Mindfulness Takes Time to Learn

That is why I started this blog and wrote my book. I wanted to give the people who want more depth a way to find it. I wanted to create an easier path for lawyers and professionals like me who wanted to explore mindfulness and compassion.

That is why I am extremely pleased to announce that a new opportunity along these lines is available on PLI (Practising Law Institute). PLI is one of the premier online education providers for lawyers and legal professionals. They reached out to me and asked me to pitch an idea about mindfulness programming for lawyers and legal professionals.

The New Course from PLI Offers In-Depth Mindfulness Instruction

I suggested a 3-hour course that taught the key practices from my book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer. These include mindfulness of thoughts, mindfulness of the body, and mindfulness of emotions. PLI gladly took me up on it and all three sessions are now available to watch on-demand.

These sessions are not for CLE credit, but that leaves more time for true instruction. In each session, you will learn the mechanics of each practice and try a meditation. You will understand basic safety for each mode of practice and how to address common pitfalls.

Where to Find the Mindfulness for Legal Professionals Course

To learn more and watch, check out the PLI website here:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Should You Enjoy Your Meditation Practice?

The other day, I made an audacious comment on social media. I posited that one “can and should enjoy meditation.” Now, this was on Threads, a platform with character limits. It was in response to someone else’s post about struggling with practice. When I made it, I assumed the comment was a pretty basic thing to say.

Despite my experience with social media, I was surprised when people responded to this with hostility. One person used actual profanity and another responded with a video, presumably to tell me I wrong.

The real issue here was probably that social media is not the best forum for clear communication. Even so, these surprising interactions got me thinking. Is it okay to enjoy your meditation practice? I think so. No longer shackled by character limits, I will explain why.

Expectations in Meditation Can Be Dangerous

The commenter who sent me the GIF of a meditation teacher telling me I was wrong had this point to make: looking to enjoy your meditation practice is often problematic. Meditation can lead to a reduction in stress, a more open mind, and heart, and many positive life changes. But it does so when we let it teach us.

Looking for meditation to be a certain kind of experience often blocks this. One of the biggest benefits of meditation is seeing things, ourselves, and the world clearly. It’s hard to see things clearly when you have a big goal in mind.

This is why, when I commented that one should enjoy meditation, I wasn’t saying that one should expect to enjoy meditation. Instead, what I meant was that if meditation becomes a regular part of your life, it really helps if you find something in it that you enjoy. In this way, it is good to be open to enjoying meditation practice while being watchful of expectations for your practice to feel a certain way.

Image with quote "Expecting your meditation practice to feel a specific way can lead to problems, but generally it’s a good thing to enjoy meditation."

Are You in Shape for Meditation?

The woman who reacted to my comment with hostility, I suspect, had a different problem. She expressed a lot of struggles with the practice itself. As I have written before, this can happen for a variety of reasons.

People new practice may have to build up a tolerance for it. I started at 1 minute day and even then found all the thoughts and feelings I had been ignoring most of my life to be overwhelming. Over time, I had to learn a lot about letting go and responding to myself with kindness instead of judgment.

The other piece of this, though, is that most of us are not learning meditation in an ideal way. Many of us may be learning from apps, books, or guided meditations. This is what I did, so I don’t knock it. However, I can’t tell you how much easier the practice got when I began working with teachers and developed a good community.

If your practice is far from enjoyable, consider whether you are still learning and whether you could support your practice more.

Every Session Won’t Be Enjoyable

Although I generally enjoy my meditation practice, the truth is that I frequently don’t. Sometimes I space out and barely notice it. Sometimes it is painful, physically or emotionally. And sometimes I resist doing it because I don’t want to face what is lurking in my mind and heart.

After years of practice I now know that this is just life. I normally love working out, practicing law, being with my kids, and writing. Depending on the circumstances, though, all of those preferred activities can become painful.

In the times when meditation, or any other healthy habit, feels hard, I usually have to adjust, simplify, and give myself a lot of grace. For this reason, the surprising thing is that I often learn and benefit as much from the hard times as I do from the experiences that feel great. So, of course, every meditation session won’t be enjoyable. That’s life and it’s okay.

In General, Enjoying Meditation Is a Good Thing

After you establish your practice and work through the initial hurdles, I hope that your meditation practice becomes generally enjoyable. When you pay attention, meditation can feel pretty good. For busy people, it may be nice to just stop and rest for a while. In addition, breathing deeply and relaxing the body can feel nice.

But enjoyment matters for practical reasons too. Just like exercise, meditation can’t affect you in a positive way if you don’t do it. Life experience teaches us all that we are a much more likely to repeatedly do an activity we enjoy. This is what I really meant when I said one “should” enjoy meditation.

This wasn’t a rule. Instead, it was a remark on practical realities. Meditation is much more likely to invite you to practice if you find something about it that you enjoy. In general, then, it is a good thing to enjoy your meditation practice.

Image with quote: "Meditation doesn't have to be painful to be effective."

But What If You Don’t Enjoy Meditation?

Now, what if you have been meditating for a while and you don’t enjoy meditation? This is something that is bound to come up for most of us, but what can we do about it?

If this were me, my first step would be to see if I can identify the issue. Sometimes things like the time or location we practice, the physical set up for our practice, or the style of practice can be the culprit. Making adjustments or finding better ways to support ourselves can work wonders.

Perhaps a better option might be to work with a teacher or find a meditation community. Years ago, a five-minute interview with a teacher on a retreat told me it was time to loosen my grip on focus practices and shift to open awareness. That led to insights I had never had before and turned my practice into a respite rather than a battleground.

You can also consider taking a break from practice for a while, trying another mind-body practice, or brainstorming ways to make you practice a bit more restful and enjoyable.

Conclusion

Meditation is not an easy practice, but I believe it is something that can and should generally be enjoyable to do. Many sessions will be tough and we should all watch out for expectations that our practice produce only blissful experiences. With that said, enjoying practice is a good thing because it may motivate us to practice. In addition, learning that and how to enjoy a practice like meditation can teach us a lot about life and ourselves.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Mindfulness: A Force for Balancing Ego and Recognition

I was fortunate enough to receive an award this week. Of course, it was a wonderful experience for many reasons. Who doesn’t like recognition? As a mindfulness teacher, though, I couldn’t help but observe the impact of such recognition on my ego.

When it comes to mindfulness practices, many people assume that the practices require us to abandon our egos. This may be part of the reason why some, including lawyers, think meditation is woo-woo or not for them.

Of course, there is variation in how different teachers and traditions treat the ego. I, for one, don’t think the ego is the enemy in meditation practice or in life. But having meditated for more than ten years now, I also know the ego is not always our bestie either.

So, how can you find balance when it comes to your ego and how can mindfulness help? Here are the steps I took this week to check my ego but also embrace myself while accepting an award.

The Ego and Achievement Aren’t All Bad

If you meditate long enough, you inevitably will see times when your ego is out of control and creating problems for you. It may rage at you when things don’t go your way. It may push you to work extra hard for approval or achievements. It may encourage selfish or unkind behavior.

For many of us, myself included, meditation may have a moderating influence on these tendencies. It may help you see the times when you are becoming self-absorbed or striving too hard. Easing back from these habits of mind may help you build confidence, expand your perspective, and live a bit more selflessly.

But you don’t have to rid yourself of all striving and ego. Pursuing goals can lead us to great things and other wonderful people. It can ground us in our community and help us serve others. Meditation can help you tell the difference between these two extremes so you can stay on the middle path of pursuing good without losing yourself in the process.

Reflection on Growth Is a Good Thing

One great thing about awards is that they may cause you to look back and reflect on progress. I certainly had that experience this week because the award I got related to a program I did in high school. Clearly, this means that I had to consider some good and bad memories from my life.

Mindfulness practices can certainly help with this. Self-compassion can help us accept ourselves completely even in our times of human frailty. It can also help us see the ways that growth emerged for us, including the people who helped us and the experiences that changed us.

Noticing the ways our personality shifts and changes over time is perfectly consistent with meditation practice. One of the foundational principles of Buddhism that many meditators are bound to observe is the concept of not-self. Reflection upon receiving recognition may be another occasion to consider this.

Image with quote from blog post that says "we don't have to strive to rid ourselves of our ego with our meditation practice. As social beings, recognition is a human need."

Feel Real Gratitude

We have all seen one too many posts on LinkedIn that start with a hollow proclamation of being “humbled and honored” for some recognition. This trope, though, doesn’t have to be the norm. The truth is that nobody who gets an award or achieves anything big did it all on their own.

Getting a recognition is a time to feel proud of yourself, but it’s also a great time to feel truly grateful. This leads to another fundamental principle that meditation may help you discover: interconnection. If you earn a recognition, reflect on this fact. Identify the people who helped you and the ways that they supported you.

Take the time to reflect on what this meant to you. If you need help with this, check my Gratitude Guided Meditation on YouTube or Insight Timer. Then, if possible, share your feelings with them. By doing this, you are moderating the emphasis on yourself and broadening the focus to your community.

Put the Achievement to Use

Another way to expand a recognition outward is to use it for a good purpose. Frequently, award recipients get to make acceptance speeches. They may get other attention from their community or even the press. If you get a chance like this, put it to good use.

Your recognition could bring attention to a worthy cause or idea. It could also offer a golden opportunity to encourage others to get involved in the community. Or it could provide an opportunity to share a brief story that may touch people’s hearts or make them think in a new way.

If you want to avoid making an achievement all about you, then focus on your broader community even in accepting the recognition.

Keep Things in Perspective

Recognition and praise is something we all want. As such, it would be easy for anyone to get stuck in ego-driven rumination when recognition comes. This is where letting go becomes a necessity.

It is really nice to be recognized for hard work, longstanding dedication, or a job well done. After the recognition ends, though, life returns to normal. That’s why perspective matters. Awards might boost us up for a bit, but nothing boosts us forever.

When recognition comes, enjoy it and savor it but don’t get stuck in it. Feel good for a moment and notice how important recognition is for all of us. Then move on with life and look for opportunities to boost and recognize someone else.

Cover image showing the 5 mindfulness tips for managing your ego amidst recognition from the blog post

Conclusion

We don’t have to strive to rid ourselves of our ego with our meditation practice. As social beings, recognition is a human need. However, when recognition comes mindfulness can help us stay steady and use it as an opportunity to expand ourselves, rather than becoming self-absorbed.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How to Respond Mindfully to Nasty Emails

Cover image for blog post entitled responding mindfully to nasty emails

There are few things in life as satisfying as typing out a strongly worded email to someone who’s got it coming. Or maybe you have a colleague driving you nuts, so nuts in fact that you think a text message containing all your anger is the way to go.

As soon as you read these words, you probably see the error in this line of thinking. Yes, letting it all hang out in text or email may seem like a great idea at times. The moment we hit “send” on those messages, though, we are bound to feel something more akin to shame, regret, or even guilt.

Can mindfulness help us avoid this trap? Indeed, it can. Keep reading to learn how.

Why we need mindfulness when it comes to text and emails?

As I have written before, mindfulness is a faculty of mind for most humans. We generally don’t have to do anything extra, including special practices, to be mindful. With that said, when it comes to email and text, some extra help is frequently needed because those activities are so often mindless.

Consider how many text messages, personal messages, and emails you send in a given work day. If this number is large, and for most of us it is, then your use of these means of communication most likely is a habit. Habits aren’t bad, of course, but when there are habits there may be less conscious awareness.

Text messages and emails can be generated quickly and outside of the presence of the person with whom you are communicating. Doing things speedily rarely makes us more ethical. Less contact with others often implies less empathy and fewer options for establishing understanding.

What it means to respond to emails mindfully.

When I talk about responding to emails or text messages mindfully, I am talking about invoking the faculty of mindful awareness to support skillful communication. On a practical level, this means taking measures to counteract the risks stated above: slowing down the process, remembering our human connections, and choosing your response consistent with your values and ethics.

Here are five steps that can help you do this.

Image with a quote about why mindfulness is needed for responding to nasty emails

Mindful Step 1: Take a Pause

As noted above, emails and texts are dangerous because they are fast. They can quickly elicit emotion from us unless we have time to recognize it. Nasty emails and texts are likely to invoke the emotion anger, which often manifests as a burst of energy. One of the calling cards of anger, of course, is an urge to act immediately on that energy.

If you receive emotionally charged emails and texts, the first and best mindful step I can offer is to stop. Take a pause and, where possible, get away from your messaging device. Literally get up and back away from the computer or put your phone down. It doesn’t have to be for a long time. The point of this is to stop the chain reaction between your screen and your mind and body and give yourself a chance to choose your next step.

Mindful Step 2: Acknowledge Your Feelings

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: mindfulness is not just about being calm. Despite the common saying about sticks and stones, words absolutely can hurt us. They can even hurt lawyers and professionals who deal with shame triggers at work every day.

When you take a moment to pause, check in with yourself and acknowledge your feelings. This may show up with a multitude of thought reactions about the situation, the other person, or even yourself. It likely will also include the physical signs of emotion, including tension in your body, a faster heart or breath rate, or even heat in your face and neck.

You don’t have to make these things go away. Instead, you can note them in mindful awareness and offer yourself compassion for dealing with something hard.

Mindful Step 3: Get Help

This next step isn’t mandatory, but it may be a good option for challenging communications that are critical, recurring, or more deeply troubling. I’ve talked before about the “spotlighting” effect of empathy that can cause us to zero in on a particular person’s emotions. From experience, I know that this can happen with email and text communications.

One way to break out of this and get much needed perspective is to talk with a colleague. With this, I am not saying you need to ask the colleague to intervene in the communication. Instead, my suggestion here is to speak with a colleague as a sounding board to get a broader view and personal support.

I know many of us want to be independent, but I frequently check in with colleagues when dealing with difficult opposing counsel. It makes the experience less overwhelming and lonely. I also feel more confident that I am responding based on my judgment and not my resentment.

Image showing the five mindful steps for responding mindfully to nasty emails

Mindful Step 4: Invoke Common Humanity

Whether we like to acknowledge it or not, the humanity of the other person is present in all of our digital communications. I put this step next to last for a practical reason: it’s hard to recognize someone else’s needs when we are struggling.

Now, you may wonder about why you should care about the humanity of someone who just sent you a nasty diatribe via email? There are a few answers on this, but my best one is that it is usually better for everyone when we do so. Even from a very selfish perspective, most of us feel guilt and shame when we act in ways that are inconsistent with our values.

Email wars can cause us to forget basic values easily, but most of us want to to help and serve others in our work. Most of us do not want to harm and hurt others. A simple way we can do this is to remember that the person we are communicating with is a person with hopes, fears, dreams, and needs. Remembering that they are a person and not just an email or text troll can make it easier to choose our words wisely.

Mindful Step 5: Plan Your Response

This tip is less about drafting techniques than it is about the arc and meaning of your professional life. The plan I am talking about here simply means to ask yourself what your purpose with the communication is. This can raise deeper questions regarding your purpose in life, including at work, or your purpose with a particular matter.

It’s not necessary and it would be inefficient for you to expect crystal clear answers on these issues every time. Even so, asking yourself simply “what do I want here?” or “what purpose does this communication serve?” is a good start. Asking these questions is a way to reorient towards your values, meaning, and ethics so that it can guide your communication.

Conclusion

Copious and unpleasant digital communications are an unfortunate part of life for many lawyers and professionals. They can make our lives more stressful and pull us away from our deeper values. As with many things, an intentionally mindful approach can help. By slowing down, acknowledging our emotions and the needs of others, we can remember and reorient to effective communication that does not cause more harm. This can make our work lives better, less stressful, and more meaningful.

If you need a practice to help you go through these steps, check our our Guided Meditation for Responding Mindfully to Nasty Emails on Insight Timer or here:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

How to Start a Meeting Well: 5 Mindful Steps

This week I had a planning retreat for one of the boards on which I sit. They asked me I would lead a quick guided meditation to get us started off in a mindful way. I love guiding meditation so I easily said yes.

I was not asked for any specific kind of practice, so I suppose any standard breath practice might do. Even so, as a member of the board, I wanted to prepare something a bit more relevant to the work we had to do. So I prepared a a new guided meditation (which you can try below) to help us get ready to work together well.

Though I am a lawyer, I traditionally have hated meetings. I often find them to be boring, unfocused, and a waste of time. Given this, I considered the ways that mindfulness helps to those pitfalls. Here are the five strategies I relied on in the practice to help us start our meeting off well.

1. Settle and Focus

Any good meditation should start off with some strategy to encourage settling down so the mind can focus. A good meeting is no different. It helps to let everyone find their seat, take a look at the agenda, and begin to focus on items for discussion.

This this step seems obvious, it is one that busy people, like lawyers, can easily miss. Taking a few minutes to slow down and shift focus to the purpose of the meeting is a simple step that can make a big difference.

2. Acknowledge the Investment of Time

Why do so many people dislike meetings? It’s obvious. They are often a waste of time. A good meeting is one that offers value in exchange for investment of time.

One way to keep this idea front and center is to acknowledge up front the investment of time that everyone is making to attend the meeting. When people come to a meeting, they make a choice to set other obligations aside.

Reward this investment of time by acknowledging the effort everyone has made to attend. And make a commitment to use the time in the meeting well.

3. Connect with Your Purpose

Purpose is a big motivator for most of us, but it is something easily overlooked. Some of us are in the habit of going to meetings because they are on our calendar. Bossed around by our schedules the way many of us are, we may rarely reflect on our individual purpose.

As someone who dislikes meetings, I find that connecting with my individual purpose helps a lot. Even though my habit of showing up to things on my calendar is entrenched, I feel a lot more engaged if I personally care about the event. Reflecting on your purpose and helping your team members reflect on theirs is a great way to get a meeting started well.

Image listing 5 mindful steps for starting a meeting well

4. Connect with the Group

Individual motivation is powerful but the energy of an entire group is even stronger. To take individual motivation to the next level, it helps to connect each individual’s goals to the collective goals of the team. If you can, take the time to connect each individual to the group.

This may be as simple as reflecting on past wins or identifying roles and responsibilities. Taking this step may be necessary to keep everyone engaged during the meeting discussion and to generate energy for accomplishing action items.

5. Put the Energy to Use

Why did you take the time to settle, focus, and connect the group? Clearly, you did to so to generate and harness energy to use to do quality collective work. The last steps, therefore, is to use the energy and motivation you cultivated well.

A well-crafted agenda should help you do this, but you may also need to appoint a leader to help the group navigate through it. This may include watching time, getting the group back on track if they get off-task, and reviewing action items at the end. Allowing some time for connection and sharing is also a great way to ensure that the work remains energetic and the meeting does not devolve into a boring grind.

Conclusion

Let’s be real, mindful planning is not required for every meeting you attend. Some meetings are short and the purpose is clear. For lengthier meetings or ones that include creativity or long-term planning, a little bit of mindfulness can go a long way. Considering these five steps can help you start a meeting well and end with energy to achieve collective goals.

If you need a simple practice to start a meeting off well, check out this 5-minute guided meditation on YouTube or Insight Timer. You can listen to it on your own before a big meeting or play it for your team.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Book Review of Confidence by Ethan Nichtern

Cover image for blog post with book review of Confidence from mindfulness teacher Ethan Nichtern

I have been thinking a lot about confidence lately. I’m new to my law firm, so many things feel new. By default, that makes them a little bit hard and scary even if it’s fun too. In addition, I spoke twice on the subject of confidence and mindfulness in the last few months.

Confidence is a subject that most lawyers think about a lot. Some of us believe that confidence is an innate trait and you either have it or you don’t. I don’t believe that in part because of my own history. In fact, that is a big point of my confidence presentation: that you can build skills to help you face life and develop confidence over time.

Why I Read Confidence

When I saw the new book on the subject of confidence come out, it was an easy decision for me to purchase and read it. I was not familiar Nichtern’s teachings on Buddhism and mindfulness but the subject and title reeled me in: Confidence: Holding Your Seat Through Life’s Worldly Winds.

How could I pass that up? With two jobs changes in two years, my two girls entering adolescence, and the political and cultural turmoil that has been the hallmark of American civic life, I certainly have felt the “worldly winds” blowing. I also had a strong level of . . . confidence (ahem) that I was not alone.

Confidence Was a Great Read

When I buy books, there is always a risk that they sit in my to-read stack for years before I pick them up. That didn’t happen with Confidence. I read it right away, found that it was easy to read, and was chock full of insights. I also enjoyed the meditation practices offered.

I recently started a contributor relationship with the Tattooed Buddha blog that would allow me a broader focus for writing. A full book review of Confidence by Ethan Nichtern is one of the first posts I wrote for my column, the Bodhisattva of Power Suits. Check it out and then go get the book.

Want More on Confidence?

If you want more resources and information relating to confidence, I got you covered. Check out the following:

Book Review of The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris
Post about my confidence CLE for Lawline
Blog post about imposter syndrome
Interview about how mindfulness and compassion support courage
Blog post about how mindfulness supports confidence
Blog post about how an introvert can learn to love networking

Some of my Guided Meditations also address courage and confidence. You can check them out on Insight Timer or here on YouTube:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Self-Compassion and the Power of Saying No

I had a great idea for a post this week. My plan was to write about my origin story for self-compassion. It would have been great. It could have been beautiful. But there was just one fatal flaw: I didn’t have time.

Over the years, I have enjoyed skirting this issue on so many occasions. It was a thrill to have a busy week and find a few minutes here and there to write. This week that did not happen, though, because I truly didn’t have time.

The weekend is where I usually make time to write or finalize my blog posts. This past weekend, though, was totally packed. Though it was packed with good things, they didn’t leave much room for quiet time and writing.

Option A: Pushing Through

What is a blogger to do? Well, some might push through, stay up late, and come up with something. I have done that a few times and don’t judge the approach. This blogger, though, is also a teacher of mindfulness and self-compassion.

Sometimes a teacher must learn her own lessons. The lesson this week is this: sometimes self-compassion means saying no. Yes, it can be awesome to push through one’s perceived limits and reach for higher heights. Does that mean we always must do it?

Option B: Saying No

I say no. It can be awesome to push through limits when we really commit to it. It’s painful, though, when pushing–always pushing–is the only option. I started this blog because I love writing and wanted to share resources and instruction on mindfulness and compassion.

Even so, I have the blessing and the curse of loving lots of things. I love my work, my family, and myself too. This means that sometimes–not every time–I have to prioritize. If I am to keep loving writing, sometimes saying no to it must be an option.

Image with quote "sometimes self-compassion means saying no."

Conclusion: Sometimes Saying No Is the Best Option

So this is my rousing bit of mindfulness and clarity for the day. Say no. Give it a try. Lawyers don’t have the option to do this in every situation. This means it is even more important to say no when we can. Today, I am saying no to a big fancy blog post and saying yes to keeping things light and simple.

I have to say that it feels pretty good. How can you say no today?

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Self-Compassion Can Make Weight Loss Less Painful

I’m not stranger to soul-sucking things. After all, I am a lawyer. But when I got on the scale at a recent doctor’s visit, I knew I was in for another one. From years of experience going off the deep end with control issues, I have learned to be skeptical of numbers.

I knew the number on the scale didn’t correlate to my self-worth. I was on guard against the diet industrial complex’s ploy to make me place moral value on my weight. I’m an accomplished, self-respecting, grown ass woman for heaven’s sake. The number on the scale doesn’t define me.

All of this is true, but as soon as I saw the number I knew what I had to do. You see, even though life experience had told me to cautious against letting a scale push me around, I also had some other life experience to consider. Life experience, and medical advice, had given me an ideal weight range. The number I saw on the scale was about 15 pounds above that.

The Reckoning with Truth

I’m tall so this is not a huge amount, but it was enough that I had noticed it. I could see it in pictures. I could feel it in my energy levels. I noticed that some of my workouts were a little harder and some of my clothes fit a little less well. Thus, seeing the number just confirmed what I already knew: it was time to get back in shape.

The clarity of this conclusion, though, didn’t make me hate it any less. In fact, that is probably why I avoided thinking about it until the scale told me I had to face facts. Losing weight is hard. The very thought of weight management makes me nervous because I have wrestled with self-loathing about my weight before.

An image with a quote about how mindfulness and self-compassion can make weight loss less painful

So I started thinking. Does weight loss have to be terrible? Is it destined to be painful and awful? Or is there a way to do it that doesn’t hurt so much? In fact, is there a way to make healthier choices that doesn’t suck all the goodness and joy out of life? I think there is and it’s rooted in mindfulness and self-compassion.

Getting Motivated to Start

Habit change can feel really overwhelming at first. When it comes to weight loss, it can be extra hard because eating permeates so much of our daily life. Deciding to change how you eat, therefore, isn’t as simple as just deciding. Instead, it requires planning and commitment.

Self-compassion helped me find the motivation to get started because it helped me look at the factors nonjudgmentally to decide that now was an ideal time to try. Instead of wallowing in the feelings of overwhelm that told me change would be too hard, I examined the facts.

In truth, I got super businesslike about it and did an informal SWOT analysis.

Strengths: Solid workout routine including strength training means calories should be easy to burn. I’m skilled at cooking and enjoy healthy, nutrient dense foods. I have had success with weight loss in the past.
Weaknesses: I have 2 kids who won’t allow me to just stop buying snacks and treats. My schedule is busy and can impede healthy eating. I have to network a lot which means temptation is always near.
Opportunities: Warmer weather means more pleasant opportunities for movement and better produce for cooking healthy foods. I have a stable routine at work that will support habit change. I like experimenting with new things to see what works.
Threats: I’m over 40 and it may be harder to lose weight than in the past. I have had bad experiences with weight loss attempts in the distant past.

This may not sound very warm and fuzzy, so you may be wondering how this is self-compassion. In truth, though, self-compassion isn’t always about being soft with yourself. I think of it more as being clear with yourself instead of being unfairly biased against yourself.

An image with a quote about self-compassion

Identifying the Problem

Once I got motivated to start considering weight loss, self-compassion was also helpful in considering where the weak points were in my habits. There is so much pressure on most of us, especially women, to maintain a healthy weight that this can be really hard. We can easily slide into feeling totally out of control and worthless.

In my case, I was able to avoid it because I realized my struggles with weight were all caused by understandable factors. First, I have always loved food so it is an easy thing for me to unconsciously use food for comfort instead of nourishment. Second, the last few years for me have been a bit volatile with a few job changes.

Third, and most significantly, I still had lingering habits from the pandemic. During social distancing, I had to manage my own mood and the moods of my household. Having very few other options to do this, edible treats became one way of doing this.

Getting clear about where my habits went awry helped me avoid attacking my own character and judging myself. Instead, with self-compassion, I was able to clearly evaluate my habits so I could focus on improving my behavior.

Crafting a Plan

Once I got motivated and clear about where things went wrong, I was ready to craft a plan that would help me turn my analysis into actionable steps. The goal was fortunately clear to me: lose 15 pounds. My SWOT analysis and past experience, though, told me that I had to offer myself some extra supports.

First, I decided to try a food journal (specifically this one I found on Amazon) because I had success using one in the past. I avoid calorie tracking or a ton of precision on amounts. I don’t go in for diets or restrictive eating because it feeds my control issues. With the food journal, I keep track of what I eat, when I eat, and how the food makes me feel. This helps me be intentional about my choices.

Second, I decided to get help from an expert. As I have shared before, I loved The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer. He also has an app called Eat Right Now and a book about mindful eating. I bought a subscription to the app and decided to give it a try. Curiosity about the app and checking in each day motivated me and helped me establish my habit in the first few weeks.

A blog post about goals and supporting yourself with mindfulness and self-compassion

Third, I added healthier items for me to my grocery list. I replaced my normal snacks with more nutrient dense options. I stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies I enjoy. I also made sure to add a variety of foods that would be good for lunches and snacks so i could avoid eating out as much as possible.

Finally, I planned to eat more frequently. I knew from experience that my energy tended to flag at about 3 hours and hunger would usually set in by then. As a result, I started planning smaller but more frequent meals and snacks.

You may notice that this plan was not primarily about minimizing calories. Instead, it was about eating better and feeling better overall. Embedded in the plan was the assumption that habit change is hard so supports are necessary.

Imperfect Implementation

Implementation of the plan, of course, is the hard part. This is where self-compassion really gets to shine. Of course, I know that it would be nearly impossible to make healthy food choices 100% of the time for the rest of my life. I knew that there would be times when I’d struggle, make the wrong choice, or just feel unmotivated.

When I started implementing, perfection was not my goal. Instead, a positive trend line marked by negative weight change and positive improvements in how I felt was the goal. To get this, I knew from experience that treating myself well was important.

I noticed and celebrated successes. I noticed when I enjoyed my healthy food. I noticed when I ate a bit more than I needed and how it felt. I noticed when days were harder because I was tired. And when temptation comes up up, I didn’t resist or beat myself up and instead just let it come.

An image explaining mindful eating and the importance of self-compassion

In short, my big implementation strategy is that I assume it will be hard to establish and maintain a long-term healthy eating habit. Because I recognize every day that what I am doing is hard, I let go of perfection and remember that coaching myself with kindness must be a daily practice.

Conclusion (Well Sort of)

I wish I could wrap this post with a neat and tidy conclusion, but the truth is that this is an ongoing process. After about 5 weeks, I am about 2/3 of the way to my goal. I feel better. I have learned a lot just by paying attention to how I eat. I admit that I am proud too.

Of course, achieving goals and losing weight will usually inspire pride in most of us. This time around, I am proud that I treated weight loss like any other goal. I analyzed the issues, crafted a plan, identified supports, and implemented it.

Despite my history with struggles with weight and all the years doubting myself when it came to food, I was able to treat weight loss like any other challenging goal because I had self-compassion. So, if you are thinking about getting back in shape, I suggest that you start by being fair with yourself and focus on treating yourself well.

If you want some practices that may help with a weight loss effort or being good to yourself, check these out:

Did you know restorative yoga is associated with weight loss? Relaxation and restoration can have its benefits. Whether you have props or not, you can try it out with this practice here:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media: