That is why I am extremely pleased to announce that a new opportunity along these lines is available on PLI (Practising Law Institute). PLI is one of the premier online education providers for lawyers and legal professionals. They reached out to me and asked me to pitch an idea about mindfulness programming for lawyers and legal professionals.
The New Course from PLI Offers In-Depth Mindfulness Instruction
I suggested a 3-hour course that taught the key practices from my book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer. These include mindfulness of thoughts, mindfulness of the body, and mindfulness of emotions. PLI gladly took me up on it and all three sessions are now available to watch on-demand.
These sessions are not for CLE credit, but that leaves more time for true instruction. In each session, you will learn the mechanics of each practice and try a meditation. You will understand basic safety for each mode of practice and how to address common pitfalls.
Where to Find the Mindfulness for Legal Professionals Course
To learn more and watch, check out the PLI website here:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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The other day, I made an audacious comment on social media. I posited that one “can and should enjoy meditation.” Now, this was on Threads, a platform with character limits. It was in response to someone else’s post about struggling with practice. When I made it, I assumed the comment was a pretty basic thing to say.
Despite my experience with social media, I was surprised when people responded to this with hostility. One person used actual profanity and another responded with a video, presumably to tell me I wrong.
The real issue here was probably that social media is not the best forum for clear communication. Even so, these surprising interactions got me thinking. Is it okay to enjoy your meditation practice? I think so. No longer shackled by character limits, I will explain why.
Expectations in Meditation Can Be Dangerous
The commenter who sent me the GIF of a meditation teacher telling me I was wrong had this point to make: looking to enjoy your meditation practice is often problematic. Meditation can lead to a reduction in stress, a more open mind, and heart, and many positive life changes. But it does so when we let it teach us.
This is why, when I commented that one should enjoy meditation, I wasn’t saying that one should expect to enjoy meditation. Instead, what I meant was that if meditation becomes a regular part of your life, it really helps if you find something in it that you enjoy. In this way, it is good to be open to enjoying meditation practice while being watchful of expectations for your practice to feel a certain way.
Are You in Shape for Meditation?
The woman who reacted to my comment with hostility, I suspect, had a different problem. She expressed a lot of struggles with the practice itself. As I have written before, this can happen for a variety of reasons.
People new practice may have to build up a tolerance for it. I started at 1 minute day and even then found all the thoughts and feelings I had been ignoring most of my life to be overwhelming. Over time, I had to learn a lot about letting go and responding to myself with kindness instead of judgment.
If your practice is far from enjoyable, consider whether you are still learning and whether you could support your practice more.
Every Session Won’t Be Enjoyable
Although I generally enjoy my meditation practice, the truth is that I frequently don’t. Sometimes I space out and barely notice it. Sometimes it is painful, physically or emotionally. And sometimes I resist doing it because I don’t want to face what is lurking in my mind and heart.
After years of practice I now know that this is just life. I normally love working out, practicing law, being with my kids, and writing. Depending on the circumstances, though, all of those preferred activities can become painful.
In the times when meditation, or any other healthy habit, feels hard, I usually have to adjust, simplify, and give myself a lot of grace. For this reason, the surprising thing is that I often learn and benefit as much from the hard times as I do from the experiences that feel great. So, of course, every meditation session won’t be enjoyable. That’s life and it’s okay.
But enjoyment matters for practical reasons too. Just like exercise, meditation can’t affect you in a positive way if you don’t do it. Life experience teaches us all that we are a much more likely to repeatedly do an activity we enjoy. This is what I really meant when I said one “should” enjoy meditation.
This wasn’t a rule. Instead, it was a remark on practical realities. Meditation is much more likely to invite you to practice if you find something about it that you enjoy. In general, then, it is a good thing to enjoy your meditation practice.
But What If You Don’t Enjoy Meditation?
Now, what if you have been meditating for a while and you don’t enjoy meditation? This is something that is bound to come up for most of us, but what can we do about it?
If this were me, my first step would be to see if I can identify the issue. Sometimes things like the time or location we practice, the physical set up for our practice, or the style of practice can be the culprit. Making adjustments or finding better ways to support ourselves can work wonders.
Perhaps a better option might be to work with a teacher or find a meditation community. Years ago, a five-minute interview with a teacher on a retreat told me it was time to loosen my grip on focus practices and shift to open awareness. That led to insights I had never had before and turned my practice into a respite rather than a battleground.
Meditation is not an easy practice, but I believe it is something that can and should generally be enjoyable to do. Many sessions will be tough and we should all watch out for expectations that our practice produce only blissful experiences. With that said, enjoying practice is a good thing because it may motivate us to practice. In addition, learning that and how to enjoy a practice like meditation can teach us a lot about life and ourselves.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I was fortunate enough to receive an award this week. Of course, it was a wonderful experience for many reasons. Who doesn’t like recognition? As a mindfulness teacher, though, I couldn’t help but observe the impact of such recognition on my ego.
When it comes to mindfulness practices, many people assume that the practices require us to abandon our egos. This may be part of the reason why some, including lawyers, think meditation is woo-woo or not for them.
Of course, there is variation in how different teachers and traditions treat the ego. I, for one, don’t think the ego is the enemy in meditation practice or in life. But having meditated for more than ten years now, I also know the ego is not always our bestie either.
So, how can you find balance when it comes to your ego and how can mindfulness help? Here are the steps I took this week to check my ego but also embrace myself while accepting an award.
The Ego and Achievement Aren’t All Bad
If you meditate long enough, you inevitably will see times when your ego is out of control and creating problems for you. It may rage at you when things don’t go your way. It may push you to work extra hard for approval or achievements. It may encourage selfish or unkind behavior.
For many of us, myself included, meditation may have a moderating influence on these tendencies. It may help you see the times when you are becoming self-absorbed or striving too hard. Easing back from these habits of mind may help you build confidence, expand your perspective, and live a bit more selflessly.
But you don’t have to rid yourself of all striving and ego. Pursuing goals can lead us to great things and other wonderful people. It can ground us in our community and help us serve others. Meditation can help you tell the difference between these two extremes so you can stay on the middle path of pursuing good without losing yourself in the process.
Reflection on Growth Is a Good Thing
One great thing about awards is that they may cause you to look back and reflect on progress. I certainly had that experience this week because the award I got related to a program I did in high school. Clearly, this means that I had to consider some good and bad memories from my life.
Mindfulness practices can certainly help with this. Self-compassion can help us accept ourselves completely even in our times of human frailty. It can also help us see the ways that growth emerged for us, including the people who helped us and the experiences that changed us.
Noticing the ways our personality shifts and changes over time is perfectly consistent with meditation practice. One of the foundational principles of Buddhism that many meditators are bound to observe is the concept of not-self. Reflection upon receiving recognition may be another occasion to consider this.
Feel Real Gratitude
We have all seen one too many posts on LinkedIn that start with a hollow proclamation of being “humbled and honored” for some recognition. This trope, though, doesn’t have to be the norm. The truth is that nobody who gets an award or achieves anything big did it all on their own.
Getting a recognition is a time to feel proud of yourself, but it’s also a great time to feel truly grateful. This leads to another fundamental principle that meditation may help you discover: interconnection. If you earn a recognition, reflect on this fact. Identify the people who helped you and the ways that they supported you.
Take the time to reflect on what this meant to you. If you need help with this, check my Gratitude Guided Meditation on YouTube or Insight Timer. Then, if possible, share your feelings with them. By doing this, you are moderating the emphasis on yourself and broadening the focus to your community.
Put the Achievement to Use
Another way to expand a recognition outward is to use it for a good purpose. Frequently, award recipients get to make acceptance speeches. They may get other attention from their community or even the press. If you get a chance like this, put it to good use.
Your recognition could bring attention to a worthy cause or idea. It could also offer a golden opportunity to encourage others to get involved in the community. Or it could provide an opportunity to share a brief story that may touch people’s hearts or make them think in a new way.
If you want to avoid making an achievement all about you, then focus on your broader community even in accepting the recognition.
Keep Things in Perspective
Recognition and praise is something we all want. As such, it would be easy for anyone to get stuck in ego-driven rumination when recognition comes. This is where letting go becomes a necessity.
It is really nice to be recognized for hard work, longstanding dedication, or a job well done. After the recognition ends, though, life returns to normal. That’s why perspective matters. Awards might boost us up for a bit, but nothing boosts us forever.
When recognition comes, enjoy it and savor it but don’t get stuck in it. Feel good for a moment and notice how important recognition is for all of us. Then move on with life and look for opportunities to boost and recognize someone else.
Conclusion
We don’t have to strive to rid ourselves of our ego with our meditation practice. As social beings, recognition is a human need. However, when recognition comes mindfulness can help us stay steady and use it as an opportunity to expand ourselves, rather than becoming self-absorbed.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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There are few things in life as satisfying as typing out a strongly worded email to someone who’s got it coming. Or maybe you have a colleague driving you nuts, so nuts in fact that you think a text message containing all your anger is the way to go.
As soon as you read these words, you probably see the error in this line of thinking. Yes, letting it all hang out in text or email may seem like a great idea at times. The moment we hit “send” on those messages, though, we are bound to feel something more akin to shame, regret, or even guilt.
Can mindfulness help us avoid this trap? Indeed, it can. Keep reading to learn how.
Why we need mindfulness when it comes to text and emails?
As I have written before, mindfulness is a faculty of mind for most humans. We generally don’t have to do anything extra, including special practices, to be mindful. With that said, when it comes to email and text, some extra help is frequently needed because those activities are so often mindless.
Consider how many text messages, personal messages, and emails you send in a given work day. If this number is large, and for most of us it is, then your use of these means of communication most likely is a habit. Habits aren’t bad, of course, but when there are habits there may be less conscious awareness.
Text messages and emails can be generated quickly and outside of the presence of the person with whom you are communicating. Doing things speedily rarely makes us more ethical. Less contact with others often implies less empathy and fewer options for establishing understanding.
What it means to respond to emails mindfully.
When I talk about responding to emails or text messages mindfully, I am talking about invoking the faculty of mindful awareness to support skillful communication. On a practical level, this means taking measures to counteract the risks stated above: slowing down the process, remembering our human connections, and choosing your response consistent with your values and ethics.
Here are five steps that can help you do this.
Mindful Step 1: Take a Pause
As noted above, emails and texts are dangerous because they are fast. They can quickly elicit emotion from us unless we have time to recognize it. Nasty emails and texts are likely to invoke the emotion anger, which often manifests as a burst of energy. One of the calling cards of anger, of course, is an urge to act immediately on that energy.
If you receive emotionally charged emails and texts, the first and best mindful step I can offer is to stop. Take a pause and, where possible, get away from your messaging device. Literally get up and back away from the computer or put your phone down. It doesn’t have to be for a long time. The point of this is to stop the chain reaction between your screen and your mind and body and give yourself a chance to choose your next step.
When you take a moment to pause, check in with yourself and acknowledge your feelings. This may show up with a multitude of thought reactions about the situation, the other person, or even yourself. It likely will also include the physical signs of emotion, including tension in your body, a faster heart or breath rate, or even heat in your face and neck.
You don’t have to make these things go away. Instead, you can note them in mindful awareness and offer yourself compassion for dealing with something hard.
Mindful Step 3: Get Help
This next step isn’t mandatory, but it may be a good option for challenging communications that are critical, recurring, or more deeply troubling. I’ve talked before about the “spotlighting” effect of empathy that can cause us to zero in on a particular person’s emotions. From experience, I know that this can happen with email and text communications.
One way to break out of this and get much needed perspective is to talk with a colleague. With this, I am not saying you need to ask the colleague to intervene in the communication. Instead, my suggestion here is to speak with a colleague as a sounding board to get a broader view and personal support.
I know many of us want to be independent, but I frequently check in with colleagues when dealing with difficult opposing counsel. It makes the experience less overwhelming and lonely. I also feel more confident that I am responding based on my judgment and not my resentment.
Mindful Step 4: Invoke Common Humanity
Whether we like to acknowledge it or not, the humanity of the other person is present in all of our digital communications. I put this step next to last for a practical reason: it’s hard to recognize someone else’s needs when we are struggling.
Now, you may wonder about why you should care about the humanity of someone who just sent you a nasty diatribe via email? There are a few answers on this, but my best one is that it is usually better for everyone when we do so. Even from a very selfish perspective, most of us feel guilt and shame when we act in ways that are inconsistent with our values.
Email wars can cause us to forget basic values easily, but most of us want to to help and serve others in our work. Most of us do not want to harm and hurt others. A simple way we can do this is to remember that the person we are communicating with is a person with hopes, fears, dreams, and needs. Remembering that they are a person and not just an email or text troll can make it easier to choose our words wisely.
Mindful Step 5: Plan Your Response
This tip is less about drafting techniques than it is about the arc and meaning of your professional life. The plan I am talking about here simply means to ask yourself what your purpose with the communication is. This can raise deeper questions regarding your purpose in life, including at work, or your purpose with a particular matter.
It’s not necessary and it would be inefficient for you to expect crystal clear answers on these issues every time. Even so, asking yourself simply “what do I want here?” or “what purpose does this communication serve?” is a good start. Asking these questions is a way to reorient towards your values, meaning, and ethics so that it can guide your communication.
Conclusion
Copious and unpleasant digital communications are an unfortunate part of life for many lawyers and professionals. They can make our lives more stressful and pull us away from our deeper values. As with many things, an intentionally mindful approach can help. By slowing down, acknowledging our emotions and the needs of others, we can remember and reorient to effective communication that does not cause more harm. This can make our work lives better, less stressful, and more meaningful.
If you need a practice to help you go through these steps, check our our Guided Meditation for Responding Mindfully to Nasty Emails on Insight Timer or here:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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This week I had a planning retreat for one of the boards on which I sit. They asked me I would lead a quick guided meditation to get us started off in a mindful way. I love guiding meditation so I easily said yes.
I was not asked for any specific kind of practice, so I suppose any standard breath practice might do. Even so, as a member of the board, I wanted to prepare something a bit more relevant to the work we had to do. So I prepared a a new guided meditation (which you can try below) to help us get ready to work together well.
Though I am a lawyer, I traditionally have hated meetings. I often find them to be boring, unfocused, and a waste of time. Given this, I considered the ways that mindfulness helps to those pitfalls. Here are the five strategies I relied on in the practice to help us start our meeting off well.
1. Settle and Focus
Any good meditation should start off with some strategy to encourage settling down so the mind can focus. A good meeting is no different. It helps to let everyone find their seat, take a look at the agenda, and begin to focus on items for discussion.
This this step seems obvious, it is one that busy people, like lawyers, can easily miss. Taking a few minutes to slow down and shift focus to the purpose of the meeting is a simple step that can make a big difference.
One way to keep this idea front and center is to acknowledge up front the investment of time that everyone is making to attend the meeting. When people come to a meeting, they make a choice to set other obligations aside.
Reward this investment of time by acknowledging the effort everyone has made to attend. And make a commitment to use the time in the meeting well.
3. Connect with Your Purpose
Purpose is a big motivator for most of us, but it is something easily overlooked. Some of us are in the habit of going to meetings because they are on our calendar. Bossed around by our schedules the way many of us are, we may rarely reflect on our individual purpose.
As someone who dislikes meetings, I find that connecting with my individual purpose helps a lot. Even though my habit of showing up to things on my calendar is entrenched, I feel a lot more engaged if I personally care about the event. Reflecting on your purpose and helping your team members reflect on theirs is a great way to get a meeting started well.
4. Connect with the Group
Individual motivation is powerful but the energy of an entire group is even stronger. To take individual motivation to the next level, it helps to connect each individual’s goals to the collective goals of the team. If you can, take the time to connect each individual to the group.
Why did you take the time to settle, focus, and connect the group? Clearly, you did to so to generate and harness energy to use to do quality collective work. The last steps, therefore, is to use the energy and motivation you cultivated well.
A well-crafted agenda should help you do this, but you may also need to appoint a leader to help the group navigate through it. This may include watching time, getting the group back on track if they get off-task, and reviewing action items at the end. Allowing some time for connection and sharing is also a great way to ensure that the work remains energetic and the meeting does not devolve into a boring grind.
Conclusion
Let’s be real, mindful planning is not required for every meeting you attend. Some meetings are short and the purpose is clear. For lengthier meetings or ones that include creativity or long-term planning, a little bit of mindfulness can go a long way. Considering these five steps can help you start a meeting well and end with energy to achieve collective goals.
If you need a simple practice to start a meeting off well, check out this 5-minute guided meditation on YouTube or Insight Timer. You can listen to it on your own before a big meeting or play it for your team.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I have been thinking a lot about confidence lately. I’m new to my law firm, so many things feel new. By default, that makes them a little bit hard and scary even if it’s fun too. In addition, I spoke twice on the subject of confidence and mindfulness in the last few months.
Confidence is a subject that most lawyers think about a lot. Some of us believe that confidence is an innate trait and you either have it or you don’t. I don’t believe that in part because of my own history. In fact, that is a big point of my confidence presentation: that you can build skills to help you face life and develop confidence over time.
Why I Read Confidence
When I saw the new book on the subject of confidence come out, it was an easy decision for me to purchase and read it. I was not familiar Nichtern’s teachings on Buddhism and mindfulness but the subject and title reeled me in: Confidence: Holding Your Seat Through Life’s Worldly Winds.
How could I pass that up? With two jobs changes in two years, my two girls entering adolescence, and the political and cultural turmoil that has been the hallmark of American civic life, I certainly have felt the “worldly winds” blowing. I also had a strong level of . . . confidence (ahem) that I was not alone.
Confidence Was a Great Read
When I buy books, there is always a risk that they sit in my to-read stack for years before I pick them up. That didn’t happen with Confidence. I read it right away, found that it was easy to read, and was chock full of insights. I also enjoyed the meditation practices offered.
I recently started a contributor relationship with the Tattooed Buddha blog that would allow me a broader focus for writing. A full book review of Confidence by Ethan Nichtern is one of the first posts I wrote for my column, the Bodhisattva of Power Suits. Check it out and then go get the book.
Want More on Confidence?
If you want more resources and information relating to confidence, I got you covered. Check out the following:
Some of my Guided Meditations also address courage and confidence. You can check them out on Insight Timer or here on YouTube:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I had a great idea for a post this week. My plan was to write about my origin story for self-compassion. It would have been great. It could have been beautiful. But there was just one fatal flaw: I didn’t have time.
Over the years, I have enjoyed skirting this issue on so many occasions. It was a thrill to have a busy week and find a few minutes here and there to write. This week that did not happen, though, because I truly didn’t have time.
The weekend is where I usually make time to write or finalize my blog posts. This past weekend, though, was totally packed. Though it was packed with good things, they didn’t leave much room for quiet time and writing.
Sometimes a teacher must learn her own lessons. The lesson this week is this: sometimes self-compassion means saying no. Yes, it can be awesome to push through one’s perceived limits and reach for higher heights. Does that mean we always must do it?
Option B: Saying No
I say no. It can be awesome to push through limits when we really commit to it. It’s painful, though, when pushing–always pushing–is the only option. I started this blog because I love writing and wanted to share resources and instruction on mindfulness and compassion.
Even so, I have the blessing and the curse of loving lots of things. I love my work, my family, and myself too. This means that sometimes–not every time–I have to prioritize. If I am to keep loving writing, sometimes saying no to it must be an option.
Conclusion: Sometimes Saying No Is the Best Option
So this is my rousing bit of mindfulness and clarity for the day. Say no. Give it a try. Lawyers don’t have the option to do this in every situation. This means it is even more important to say no when we can. Today, I am saying no to a big fancy blog post and saying yes to keeping things light and simple.
I have to say that it feels pretty good. How can you say no today?
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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I’m not stranger to soul-sucking things. After all, I am a lawyer. But when I got on the scale at a recent doctor’s visit, I knew I was in for another one. From years of experience going off the deep end with control issues, I have learned to be skeptical of numbers.
I knew the number on the scale didn’t correlate to my self-worth. I was on guard against the diet industrial complex’s ploy to make me place moral value on my weight. I’m an accomplished, self-respecting, grown ass woman for heaven’s sake. The number on the scale doesn’t define me.
All of this is true, but as soon as I saw the number I knew what I had to do. You see, even though life experience had told me to cautious against letting a scale push me around, I also had some other life experience to consider. Life experience, and medical advice, had given me an ideal weight range. The number I saw on the scale was about 15 pounds above that.
The Reckoning with Truth
I’m tall so this is not a huge amount, but it was enough that I had noticed it. I could see it in pictures. I could feel it in my energy levels. I noticed that some of my workouts were a little harder and some of my clothes fit a little less well. Thus, seeing the number just confirmed what I already knew: it was time to get back in shape.
The clarity of this conclusion, though, didn’t make me hate it any less. In fact, that is probably why I avoided thinking about it until the scale told me I had to face facts. Losing weight is hard. The very thought of weight management makes me nervous because I have wrestled with self-loathing about my weight before.
Habit change can feel really overwhelming at first. When it comes to weight loss, it can be extra hard because eating permeates so much of our daily life. Deciding to change how you eat, therefore, isn’t as simple as just deciding. Instead, it requires planning and commitment.
Self-compassion helped me find the motivation to get started because it helped me look at the factors nonjudgmentally to decide that now was an ideal time to try. Instead of wallowing in the feelings of overwhelm that told me change would be too hard, I examined the facts.
In truth, I got super businesslike about it and did an informal SWOT analysis.
Strengths: Solid workout routine including strength training means calories should be easy to burn. I’m skilled at cooking and enjoy healthy, nutrient dense foods. I have had success with weight loss in the past.
Weaknesses: I have 2 kids who won’t allow me to just stop buying snacks and treats. My schedule is busy and can impede healthy eating. I have to network a lot which means temptation is always near.
Threats: I’m over 40 and it may be harder to lose weight than in the past. I have had bad experiences with weight loss attempts in the distant past.
This may not sound very warm and fuzzy, so you may be wondering how this is self-compassion. In truth, though, self-compassion isn’t always about being soft with yourself. I think of it more as being clear with yourself instead of being unfairly biased against yourself.
Identifying the Problem
Once I got motivated to start considering weight loss, self-compassion was also helpful in considering where the weak points were in my habits. There is so much pressure on most of us, especially women, to maintain a healthy weight that this can be really hard. We can easily slide into feeling totally out of control and worthless.
Third, and most significantly, I still had lingering habits from the pandemic. During social distancing, I had to manage my own mood and the moods of my household. Having very few other options to do this, edible treats became one way of doing this.
Getting clear about where my habits went awry helped me avoid attacking my own character and judging myself. Instead, with self-compassion, I was able to clearly evaluate my habits so I could focus on improving my behavior.
Crafting a Plan
Once I got motivated and clear about where things went wrong, I was ready to craft a plan that would help me turn my analysis into actionable steps. The goal was fortunately clear to me: lose 15 pounds. My SWOT analysis and past experience, though, told me that I had to offer myself some extra supports.
First, I decided to try a food journal (specifically this one I found on Amazon) because I had success using one in the past. I avoid calorie tracking or a ton of precision on amounts. I don’t go in for diets or restrictive eating because it feeds my control issues. With the food journal, I keep track of what I eat, when I eat, and how the food makes me feel. This helps me be intentional about my choices.
Second, I decided to get help from an expert. As I have shared before, I loved The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer. He also has an app called Eat Right Now and a book about mindful eating. I bought a subscription to the app and decided to give it a try. Curiosity about the app and checking in each day motivated me and helped me establish my habit in the first few weeks.
Third, I added healthier items for me to my grocery list. I replaced my normal snacks with more nutrient dense options. I stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies I enjoy. I also made sure to add a variety of foods that would be good for lunches and snacks so i could avoid eating out as much as possible.
Finally, I planned to eat more frequently. I knew from experience that my energy tended to flag at about 3 hours and hunger would usually set in by then. As a result, I started planning smaller but more frequent meals and snacks.
Implementation of the plan, of course, is the hard part. This is where self-compassion really gets to shine. Of course, I know that it would be nearly impossible to make healthy food choices 100% of the time for the rest of my life. I knew that there would be times when I’d struggle, make the wrong choice, or just feel unmotivated.
When I started implementing, perfection was not my goal. Instead, a positive trend line marked by negative weight change and positive improvements in how I felt was the goal. To get this, I knew from experience that treating myself well was important.
I noticed and celebrated successes. I noticed when I enjoyed my healthy food. I noticed when I ate a bit more than I needed and how it felt. I noticed when days were harder because I was tired. And when temptation comes up up, I didn’t resist or beat myself up and instead just let it come.
In short, my big implementation strategy is that I assume it will be hard to establish and maintain a long-term healthy eating habit. Because I recognize every day that what I am doing is hard, I let go of perfection and remember that coaching myself with kindness must be a daily practice.
Conclusion (Well Sort of)
I wish I could wrap this post with a neat and tidy conclusion, but the truth is that this is an ongoing process. After about 5 weeks, I am about 2/3 of the way to my goal. I feel better. I have learned a lot just by paying attention to how I eat. I admit that I am proud too.
Of course, achieving goals and losing weight will usually inspire pride in most of us. This time around, I am proud that I treated weight loss like any other goal. I analyzed the issues, crafted a plan, identified supports, and implemented it.
Despite my history with struggles with weight and all the years doubting myself when it came to food, I was able to treat weight loss like any other challenging goal because I had self-compassion. So, if you are thinking about getting back in shape, I suggest that you start by being fair with yourself and focus on treating yourself well.
If you want some practices that may help with a weight loss effort or being good to yourself, check these out:
Did you know restorative yoga is associated with weight loss? Relaxation and restoration can have its benefits. Whether you have props or not, you can try it out with this practice here:
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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This is the question I have been waiting for someone to ask me ever since I started teaching mindfulness to lawyers. After several years and countless events, nobody ever has. Maybe it’s because people don’t know the origins of most of the practices I teach. Maybe people are busy focusing on learning the practices instead of a deeper question like this. Or maybe they are just too polite to ask.
Since I have been waiting years to answer this question, I have practiced many different versions of my answer in my mind. To be totally upfront about it, I think that there are many valid ways to answer this question. This blog post is a summation of all the different ways of considering the question so that you can answer it better for yourself.
1. What does “Buddhist” mean?
Sorry to be a total lawyer about this, but when this question has crossed my mind I always wonder what the term “Buddhist” means. It can refer to one’s religion or spiritual identity. On the other hand, it can also refer to one’s allegiance to a philosophical perspective or set of ideas.
For many people, being a Buddhist may include both of these ideas. For me, though, only the latter feels right. Buddhism, as a religion, is connected to a myriad of cultural practices and ideas. Given this, I don’t feel right calling myself a Buddhist when I share in only a part of the practices that other people do for their religion.
On the other hand, I regularly do and teach many practices that have emanated from Buddhism. I believe in and have developed faith through life experience in traditional Buddhist concepts like compassion, the value of clear awareness, and even tricky concepts like not-self. Thus, clearly I am a Buddhist in the philosophical sense.
Of course, this answer could change depending on the extent of your practice. A few minutes a day is not likely to immediately change your personality, worldview, or beliefs. However, more extensive experience in retreats or with different groups and teachers could change the answer over time.
3. What real concerns do you have about meditation?
When people ask me a question, it always helps to know why they are asking so I can address the real concern. Some people may be concerned that “being a Buddhist” could take away from other religious practice or faith. You are the best person to judge the requirements of your own religion.
I can say, however, that Buddhism is relatively free of metaphysics in comparison to other religions. Meditation groups and classes are also not uncommon these days in secular spaces, churches, synagogues, and mosques. Based on this, there seem to be plenty of people who believe meditation is not in conflict at all with other world religions.
The harder question to answer is whether meditation or potentially “becoming a Buddhist” may change your self-image. My experience is that, of course, it can. Meditation and exploring Buddhist concepts and practices changed my life, including my identity and how I thought of myself. I am incredibly grateful for that experience but I don’t claim that it was easy.
Conclusion: You Should Consider What Meditation Means for You
In short, meditation alone may not make you a Buddhist, but with enough time and experience that answer could change. Being a Buddhist, in terms of religion or philosophy, does not necessarily require abandoning or changing other faith practices or beliefs.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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When I teach compassion, one of the things I always say is that the giver of compassion is the first person to benefit. This is true from a scientific standpoint; the act of compassion causes the release of the hormones associated with satisfaction, love, and connection. Life experience has also helped me learn the truth of this idea too.
On hard days, my favorite meditation practice is loving-kindness. This practice is one intended to help you expand your heart and send kind wishes out. It starts with yourself and your inner circle, then expands to neutral and difficult people, and even the whole world. The end result, as I have often found, is that my dark and stormy mood turns to gratitude, openness, and even hope.
Here are the five reasons why loving-kindness practice helps.
1. Loving-Kindness Meditation Feels Good.
On hard days, it makes sense to take care of ourselves. Think about some of the typical things you might do in order to care for yourself on a hard day. It might be taking a warm bath, making a nice cup of tea, wrapping yourself in a warm blanket, talking to a friend, or taking a a walk. The pattern with all of these things is that they are all comforting, soothing, warming, nourishing, and supportive.
Loving-kindness practice is too. For one thing, it starts with sending kindness to yourself and tending to your own needs. Then it moves on to connect with your loved ones and ultimately the whole of humanity. It’s not intended only as a mental exercise either. The object of the practice is to cultivate feelings of loving-kindness.
If you give yourself time and pay attention, you will find that love feels good. It feels warm, open, expansive, and soothing. Though it might be hard to transition to such a practice on a hard day, it is a perfect one for a hard day for this reason.
2. Loving-Kindness Meditation Is a Sneaky Gratitude Practice.
We all know the studies about gratitude. It is good for your mental health. It grounds you and connects you which might be great on a hard day. The only problem is, of course, that gratitude on a hard day can be a challenge.
Have you ever experienced difficulty and had a well-meaning loved one tell you to “be grateful” or to “think of all of your blessings”? How does that go? My experience is that it usually feels like a deflection and leads to hostility. Forcing yourself to feel good when you feel bad does not work.
Loving-kindness is not about force. It’s just about well wishes. And after you send those wishes to yourself, the practice guides you to a loved one and then a mentor. Gratitude is not the intent of the practice but that is almost always what I feel. I also remember that I am not alone in facing whatever hardship is there.
I call this a “sneaky” gratitude practice because it’s not a goal of the practice. Because I let the pressure come off with loving-kindness, I find gratitude often emerges on its own.
3. Loving-Kindness Meditation Reminds You of Your Place in the World.
Have you ever noticed how your mind shifts and morphs on hard days? It can make everything seem terrible, bad, and rotten. It can make you think only bad things about yourself and others. It can also cause you to doubt yourself and believe goodness is not possible and change will never come.
What I find with this practice is that it reminds me of my place in the world. I may not be able to change the news cycle or the government or even the results in a particular case. The practice shows me, however, that I can show care to myself, my family, and even avoid doing extra harm to the people I find challenging. I see this as reminding me of my daily work and my everyday power.
4. Loving-Kindness Meditation Is Flexible.
One of these barriers is that many people struggle with sending loving-kindness to themselves. In addition, the later stages of practice call for you to send kind wishes out to “difficult people” and strangers. This might be a challenge on easy days and feel impossible on hard days.
In fact, even if you do a traditional loving-kindness practice with the whole list of people, the guidance typically is to not try to send kind wishes to your worst enemy first. In addition, you can even change the phrases to suit your particular needs best. The practice is intended to be flexible and individuated.
On a hard day when our thoughts are heavy, modifying loving-kindness practice is a way to meet ourselves where we are. This act of loving-kindness, you will likely find, is a condition that may help you cultivate more kindness for others over time.
5. Loving-Kindness Meditation Helps You Offer What Is Needed.
It’s comparatively easy to mirror back the emotion we are picking up from the rest of the world. When we have a hard day, it is so natural to stay with all the hard emotions that come with it. And in life, when we are greeted with hostility and judgment it’s so simple to just mirror that emotion and send it back.
One thing about meditation that has been a huge change is the recognition that I don’t have to do this, at least not every time. Sometimes, I have found, I am able to pick up a lot of emotion from circumstances, others, or my own head, and I can choose something else. On really special occasions, I can make the choice to offer what is needed and it has made all the difference.
On a hard day, what is needed? Most of the time, it is love and kindness though of course we need to remember that love and kindness can and should include firm action. I like loving-kindness as a practice on hard days because it is practicing offering what is needed in the world. It helps me find hope, courage, and stability on days when those are in short supply.
These are the reasons I come back to loving-kindness practice on hard days. If you want to try the practice for yourself, check out the Cultivating Kindness and Sending It Out Guided Meditation. This one is crafted for hard days because it starts with your loved ones and then turns to yourself before sending kindness out. You can check it out on YouTube or on Insight Timer.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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