Tag Archives: lawyers

How to Handle Emotions of Overwhelm in Five Mindful Steps

Cover image from post with lawyer being inundated with things and the title from the blog post "How to Handle Emotions of Overwhelm in Five Mindful Steps"

Overwhelm is one of the emotions that I dislike the most. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I am not talking about being overwhelmed with positive emotions, like love, joy, or gratitude. When those things happen, they are amazing.

More often, I experience the nasty kind of overwhelm. This is when I am confronted with a challenge that is so big, new, or strange that I feel totally unable to handle it. In times like these, I feel defeated, powerless, and usually ashamed.

When Does Overwhelm Arise?

I’m thinking of this phenomenon because I just experienced it when I bought my daughter a new “big girl” bed. Initially, I prided myself for my efficiency when I shipped a Smastad loft-style bed from IKEA. That feeling immediately transformed to regret when I saw a collection of 6 large, heavy boxes and at least 4 other smaller packages filling my garage.

For some backstory, I am historically awful at assembling items. My husband usually jumps in immediately to save me from myself but he’s a CPA dealing with his own variety of overwhelm during tax season. I considered hiring a handy person to help, but the number of boxes suggested that managing the handy person would be more work than doing the project myself.

I stood before the boxes with few good options and had to face the facts. I was overwhelmed.

Mindful Step 1: Don’t Fight the Overwhelm.

Since I am a mindfulness teacher and a lawyer trained to solve problems, I bet you are hoping that I had some magic trick up my sleeve. Nope. Not at all. Even so, life experience has taught me this: it doesn’t help to fight emotions like overwhelm.

You can’t make overwhelm pretty or nice or satisfying. You can’t gloss it with a silver lining or fill it’s cracks with gold. At least, you can’t do it on the front end. With overwhelm, the first best step you can take is to not fight it.

I stood in my garage, staring at the boxes. I let my mind race about how long it would take. I allowed my mind create horror stories about how exhausting and frustrating it would be. I raged at myself for an impulse purchase of this magnitude without considering the consequences.

In other words, I let the overwhelm be there. I didn’t fight it. I felt it. I let it have it’s moment and fully accepted the situation that I had created for myself.

Image of blog post author with the quote "You can't make overwhelm pretty or nice or satisfying. With overwhelm, the first best step you can take is to not fight it."

Mindful Step 2: Honor Your Emotions.

With most big emotions, mindfulness practice has taught me that time and space are the best salves. In this case, that means I left the gigantic boxes sitting in my garage for a week. To put it another way, I didn’t rush in to handle the situation. I just waited until I calmed down and I could stand to look at the boxes again.

Ultimately, the thing that pushed me to move forward was being annoyed with the boxes themselves. I was sick of climbing over them to get to the garage. I wanted my daughter to have the awesome new loft bed. I also started to feel curious about whether I could find a way to get this thing built without driving myself crazy.

By giving myself time and space, I let the overwhelm subside and made room for the feelings that motivated me to act. They helped me refocus on the goals I had originally, so I could get back on track.

Mindful Step 3: Make a Plan Tailored to Your Human Needs.

When my motivation was restored, I decided that there was no way to get started without first assessing the situation clearly. My first job was to unbox everything, locate the instructions, and gather all the pieces.

That was no small feat, so I gave myself time to rest before I began the organization phase. Since I had always struggled putting things together, I decided to take the remaining steps very slowly. I took time to study the instructions and even found some handy YouTube videos about assembling this very item.

I divided the project into three phases and made sure my daughter would still have a bed to sleep in even if gaps occurred. This helped me account for my own frustration and fatigue. It took the pressure off and accounted for the inevitable mistakes I would make in following the instructions.

Mindful Step 4: Execute the Plan Step by Step.

After creating your plan, the next phase is execution. This is when the old adage about eating an elephant comes to mind. How do you do that? Bit by bit. In this case, I subdivided my phases into even smaller microsteps.

I first organized and arranged all the hardware (pro tip: a muffin tin is perfect for this). I gathered all my tools. I lined all the pieces up exactly as illustrated in the instructions and then followed the instructions step by step. Any time where I made what felt like a judgment call, I noted it so I could retrace my steps if needed.

In other words, I did the opposite of what my millennial brain told me to do when I get a new product. I didn’t play around and figure it out. Instead, I moved in super slow motion as if I was an assembly robot. This kept me organized, allowed me to take breaks when needed, and kept my mood and mindset in check.

Image listing the five mindful steps for handling emotions of overwhelm as shared in the blog post

Mindful Step 5: Celebrate the Victory.

Recently, I finished phase 1 of my massive project. This means that I assembled the bookcase/wardrobe that serves as the foundation of the bed mostly on my own. Am I concerned that someone else could have done this faster? Not at all.

I celebrated the crap out this achievement. I showed it to my daughter. I reveled in the feeling of progress and compared it to my feelings of overwhelm just a few weeks before.

The point here, of course, is that celebration is a critical component to any big project. Sure, it’s only phase one. Yes, two arguably more challenging phases remain for me to complete. The difference, though, is that now I have a renewed sense of confidence. I have evidence that I can find a way to work my way through the rest of the steps to accomplish my goal.

Because a big project involves so much effort and patience, it is smart to offset it with a healthy amount of celebration at each milestone. You better believe that I am going to celebrate fully when this bed is finally assembled.

Conclusion: Overwhelm Is Hard but You Can Manage It Step by Step.

Whether it is caused by a major work project or an imposing box from IKEA that is gathering dust, overwhelm happens to us all. It is an emotion that can sap our motivation and cause us to want to run and hide. With mindfulness and self-compassion, though, we can work through overwhelm just like we go step by step through any big project. In this post, I offered you a brief instruction manual with 5 steps to help you navigate if overwhelm happens to you.

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Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Understanding Meditation: A Book Review of Ten Percent Happier

Cover image for the blog post with the title "Understanding Meditation: A Book Review of Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris"

When I was very new to meditation, Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris had just been released. (paid link) Since I had already started meditating, I didn’t need more convincing that the practice worked. At that time, I knew nobody else who meditated, so it was validating to see someone who then worked for ABC News talk about the topic so publicly.

This month, I had occasion to revisit Ten Percent Happier to lead a virtual book club for the Ohio State Bar Association. It was interesting to see that the book still held up, even though some of my reactions to it had changed over the years. In this review, I will share what the book offers to both new and experienced meditators.

A Super Brief Summary of Ten Percent Happier

So how did someone who used to be a journalist and anchor for ABC News get into mindfulness and meditation? That is exactly what Ten Percent Happier explains. Harris begins his short and accessible book by sharing his story of mental health challenges, including a panic attack on live television and drug use. As the book explains, though, it took Harris a while before he realized meditation could help with these things.

He was assigned by ABC to cover the religion and spirituality beat. This led him to meet various gurus with whom he was unimpressed. Eventually, though, he encountered meditation and that’s when things changed. The last half of the book shares Harris’s story of trying meditation, making it a part of his life, and how it radically changed his life for the better.

Why Those New to Meditation May Like Ten Percent Happier

It’s pretty obvious why people new to meditation may like Ten Percent Happier. It offers a lot of validation for people new to the practice who may, like me when I first started, not have a community to support them. Harris writes the book from the perspective of a skeptical but curious explorer.

Very much like a news documentary, it tells the story of mindfulness by identifying and explaining key concepts for the audience. It also shows what the experience of meditation, in retreat or in daily practice, is like. In this way, Ten Percent Happier can help those new to meditation vicariously experience the practice over time and envision where continued practice might lead.

Why People Experienced in Meditation May Enjoy the Book

Though Ten Percent Happier is targeted at those new to meditation, experienced mindfulness practitioners may enjoy it too. Personally, I liked revisiting the book after more than a decade because it was a nice way to reflect on my own practice.

Harris’s skepticism in the early days of practice reminded me of my own uncertainty when I first start sitting. (I hadn’t started meditating because I thought it would work; I had started because nothing else had and I was desperate to try anything.) His struggles early in practice very much reminded me of my own and helped me see how far I had come.

This was useful because, as I have written before, meditation is something that doesn’t get easy. You don’t always see benefits in practice, but instead are more likely to see them in life. Reading Ten Percent Happier again helped me reflect on those early days again and see that, in fact, an evolution had occurred.

Why Lawyers and Professionals May Enjoy Ten Percent Happier

Regardless of practice experience with meditation, lawyers and professionals may like Ten Percent Happier because it discusses professional life in-depth. The book begins with Harris striving mightily to climb the ranks at ABC News and make a name for himself, a situation with which most lawyers and professionals can easily identify.

When Harris starts meditating, though, he has to convince himself that being happier and kinder won’t hurt his career. I didn’t feel quite this level of pressure when I started meditating, perhaps because as a woman I was subject to different expectations. Even so, I recall hiding my meditation practice for years until the results for me were too profound not to share.

Lawyers and professionals will see a lot in Harris’s story to which they can relate. Finding balance and time for healthy habits is a struggle that all of us have experienced. Because the book shares Harris’s own story navigating these issues, lawyers and professionals may find ideas, inspiration, and motivation as they read.

Image with book review of Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris, a book about meditation and mindfulness, with a quote from the blog post

Ten Percent Happier Does Not Include Meditation Instruction

Though the book contains explanation and illustration of some key concepts, it is not a meditation practice guidebook. Harris was not a trained teacher when he wrote Ten Percent Happier and does not present himself that way in the book.

In this way, the book does not offer instruction for practice or true teachings of Buddhist thought. It also does not offer ethical guidance for living a good life, though some of these principles are conveyed through Harris’s own story.

If you are looking for this kind of instruction, you will not find it in Ten Percent Happier. The good news, though, is that Harris has another book, Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics, which offers more in terms of technical instruction. (paid link) He also has a repository of teachings and insights from world-class guests on the Ten Percent Happier podcast.

Where Some People May Struggle with Ten Percent Happier

There are many good things about Ten Percent Happier, but some people might struggle in a few areas. First, if you are a follower of certain spiritual gurus, including Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, or Tara Brach, the book may annoy you. Ever the skeptic, Harris did not hold back in his expression of doubt with respect to Chopra and Tolle.

Though he was more complimentary of Brach, his commentary on her demeanor and teaching style was hard to ignore. As I have written before, I thought Harris’s treatment of Brach was unfair, though he has since apologized. Regardless, the point here is that Ten Percent Happier will challenge you if you consider yourself the follower of a guru.

Similarly, the book may challenge you if you consider yourself a religious or spiritual person. Harris’s subsequent work suggests that his feelings on this have drastically changed. Regardless, Ten Percent Happier is written from the perspective of a skeptic.

In this way, it gives short shrift to anything spiritual or woo-woo even as it attempts to delve into ideas that emanated from Buddhism. Anyone who has a strong religious or spiritual practice may question whether Harris takes his skepticism too far, though I believe his feelings on these ideas have softened in his subsequent works.

The Bottom Line: Ten Percent Happier Is a Good Read

Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris is a good read for those new to meditation and those with years of experience meditating. It offers unique insights about meditation and the benefits of mindfulness. It also illustrates for lawyers and professionals the challenges and benefits of incorporating mindfulness into professional life. Though Ten Percent Happier may present challenges for some, it is a good and very easy read. As I experienced, it is even good enough to revisit a second time after many years.

The links to the books mentioned in this review are affiliate links. The review is unsponsored and sincere but the links to Amazon are paid.

How to Stop Procrastination with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Cover image for post with professional woman making paper airplane at desk instead of working with title "How to Stop Procrastination with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion"

I made progress on a major project (my first novel) this weekend when I sent off a draft to a beta reader. This felt like an accomplishment, but it made me think about procrastination.

At this point in my life, I am the opposite of a procrastinator. I love getting things done. In fact, I feel uncomfortable when projects linger. They literally clog up my brain and make it hard for me to focus on anything new.

This was not always the case, though, because I used to struggle to start on projects both at home and at work. What changed? To put it simply, mindfulness and compassion came into my life and that changed my approach.

What Is Procrastination?

Before I jump into explaining how to solve procrastination, it is important to define what I mean. When I talk about the issue here, I am not talking about a simple lack of time. Many lawyers and professionals may have too much work or lack sufficient time and resources to handle it.

I’m also not talking about the rational choice to defer a decision or action on a project. As a mindfulness teacher, the best approach in some situations can be waiting. As a lawyer, I can say that inaction can sometimes be a good risk management approach.

On the other hand, procrastination is quite different. It occurs when you have the time to get started on a project and it is in your best interests to do so but you choose to delay action.

Is Procrastination Really a Problem?

Research on procrastination is still developing and there is not a clear consensus on its causes across populations or settings. The impact of procrastination, though, is clear. It increases suffering, adversely affects well-being, and lowers performance.

Sure, there may be times when procrastination can seem to lead to good results. Most lawyers I know, myself included, have had times when the last minute buzz of energy helps us finish a brief or other project in record time. Sometimes this can even feel exciting or fun.

What is not fun, though, is the other side of procrastination. The hours spent worrying about something instead of acting on it are soul-sucking. The shame and regret that come with not managing one’s time well are also no fun to experience.

An image with a quote as explained in the blog post that procrastination is a habit that can be changed

Can you learn to stop procrastinating?

Because researchers are still debating the causes of procrastination, they also do not agree on the best interventions to stop it. With that said, there is research that interventions can reduce procrastination, which suggests that it is possible to learn to manage it.

This has been my experience too. Over the years, I transformed myself from a task avoider to someone who relishes getting things done. Yes, of course, being a blogger and having a recurring weekly deadline to publish posts has been a great habit-building exercise in this regard.

But truthfully the thing that helped me stop procrastinating was the realization that it only increased my suffering. With mindfulness and self-compassion I was able to change this behavior over time. Here are the four steps I took and the ones I still use when the urge to avoid a task arises.

1. Identify Procrastination

Awareness is the first step to solving any issue. Though delay on a project can be a sign of procrastination, it isn’t sufficient in itself. Busy people may have a variety of legitimate reasons outside of their control that can impede starting a task.

The key question, then, is whether the delay is occurring despite (a) the opportunity to begin work; and (b) knowledge that the work is a priority. When these two things are present but you still struggle to get started or create excuses to avoid the work, you know you are dealing with procrastination.

2. Self-Compassion

Shame, guilt, and other forms of self-reproach are common responses to procrastination, but they aren’t helpful ones. As I frequently advocate for in other difficult situations, self-compassion is the better route. Self-compassion is correlated with positive behavior change, including correcting procrastination.

After you raise awareness to procrastination, you can invoke self-compassion by remembering common humanity. This problem is one that many people struggle with across the world and is quite a human challenge. If this is hard for you to accept, remember that self-compassion is not about excusing bad or problematic conduct, but instead giving yourself what you need to do your best.

Image with the 4 steps to ending procrastination as shared in the blog post

3. Manage Conditions

Some lawyers and professionals may hear the phrase “give yourself what you need” and think it sounds like woo-woo new age drivel. When I say it here, though, I mean it in a practical sense. Sometimes this means giving yourself some basic kindness.

But in practical terms it really means managing conditions. For example, if you hate the idea of working on a project, you may decide to take the smallest possible step forward or break it into chunks to help yourself. If you are scared or unsure about an issue, talking it over with a colleague or trusted friend can help you face the challenge. Doing what you can to make facing the project less scary, boring, lonely, or overwhelming is kind to yourself but also practical.

4. Learn from Experience

If you struggle with procrastination, the odds are that you won’t learn to stop it overnight. It may take some trial and error. Even when you struggle, though, there is still one thing you can do to avoid repeating the behavior. That step is to pay close attention.

Yes, this is a stereotypical thing for a mindfulness teacher to say. It’s also effective. The one thing that really helped me kick my procrastination habit was the recognition that it only made my life worse. For one thing, it made my anxiety last longer. It also intensified my fears to challenging levels as the relevant deadline approached.

In a few cases, I saw how my work suffered or was not as good as it could have been if I hadn’t delayed starting the work. Of course, these assessments have to be done without beating yourself up to allow for a clear view of the situation. If you can see clearly, though, life experience can be the best teacher when it comes to procrastination.

Conclusion

Procrastination is difficult to experience but may be even more challenging to stop. With self-compassion, mindfulness, and time, you can make a change. Once you do, you may learn like I did that the exhilaration of moving a major project forward feels even better than the last minute rush the day before a deadline.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

4 Key Traits of Effective Anchoring Practices

Cover image for blog post entitled "4 Key Traits of Effective Anchoring Practices"

I have had a busy few months and it doesn’t look like things are going to slow down any time soon. When things get like this for me, I really appreciate the anchoring practices in my life to keep me steady. In case you don’t know what that means, this post will explain it and help you identify the practices that may serves as anchors for you.

What Is An Anchoring Practice?

Anchoring practices are the things we do in daily life that help us feel steady, nourished, focused, and in a state of flow. The practices that serve this purpose for me most frequently are meditation, exercise, writing, and cooking. You would think that in busy or turbulent times, these practices would be the first to go.

Over the years, though, I have noticed that the opposite is true. Rather than let these habits go when I am too busy, I rely on them even more. This is how the practices serve as anchors. They keep me grounded, steady, and calm enough to face life, busy and crazy as it is.

How to Identify Anchoring Practices for Your Life?

If you have practices in your life that serve the same purpose, you may be able to identify them very quickly. Many lawyers and professionals, though, don’t have time or reason to think this through. I find it helpful to have a framework for my well-being, though, because I can use it as a guide in times when I struggle or get stuck.

In case you need some help establishing or identifying potential anchoring practices for your own life, here are the four hallmark traits to consider.

1. You Genuinely Enjoy It.

For a practice to serve as an anchor for you, it needs to be something you will do consistently. To some degree, then, this means that you need to sincerely enjoy it. Does this mean that it will always be easy, risk free, or only feel good?

Not necessarily. When a practice becomes like that, you may get bored with it and it won’t keep your attention very well. A little bit of challenge and even some risk might be present in any good anchoring practice. But still there has to be something there that calls you back and draws you in again and again.

Crazy as it sounds, meditation serves this purpose for me. Yes, it is often boring and sometimes a struggle. But after years of practice I have come to enjoy it and generally like how it feels when I meditate. What practices are like this for you?

2. It Allows You to Be Yourself.

Another important thing about anchoring practices is that they allow you take your armor off. By this, I mean that you can really tell that something is an anchor for you if you feel like you can be yourself while doing it.

When you do the practice, there is no pretending or putting on a happy face or trying to appear professional. Instead, there is just you and the practice. It’s you as you are doing something you love.

Cooking is an anchoring practice for me because it allows my creativity and resourcefulness to shine. What activity in your life makes you feel like your most authentic self?

Image with 4 key traits of effective anchoring practices as shared in the blog post

3. It Nourishes You.

Another reason that you may come back again and again to anchoring practices is that they always give you what you need. This is to say that they nourish you in some way.

In many cases, lawyers have most of our basic needs met. As people who tend to be time poor, however, some essential human needs may get neglected. For many lawyers, and professionals, then, the most beneficial daily habits may give us a chance to get what we don’t otherwise get at work.

The practice that showcases this best for me is exercise. I love my law practice but it involves a lot of sitting around at my computer or talking on the phone. My daily Peloton workouts give me a chance to move, relax, and release excess stress. What practice in your life nourishes you?

4. It Creates Connections.

A final feature about anchoring practices is that they create connections. As noted above, this may include a chance to get in touch with oneself. In general, though, practices that connect us to others or something bigger tend to be the ones that stick with us throughout our lives.

All of the practices I mentioned above have this connecting force too, but the one that exemplifies it most for me is writing. As I have shared before, I am an introvert and can easily get very lost in my own thoughts and experience. It has been hard for me over the years to share my ideas with others and it took me a long time to learn to be myself.

Writing helped me do that. Though I do most of my writing on my own, sharing my work helped me create a community and build confidence in myself in all other areas of my life. What regular practices in your life create connections for you?

Want to Explore Further?

Though anchoring practices are not one size fits all, they have some essential features. If you are trying to identify or establish anchoring practices in your own life, look for these four things: (1) enjoyment; (2) authenticity; (3) nourishment; and (4) connection.

To explore this idea more, check out the Personal Well-Being Worksheet. It will help you identify the practices that support all aspects of personal well-being by guiding you through an assessment of basic needs.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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The Connection Between Mindfulness and Writing Success

Cover image for appearance on Dear Indie Author podcast on mindfulness and writing

As a mindfulness teacher and blogger, the connection between mindfulness practice and writing comes up for me a lot. Though I have always been drawn to writing and I do it every day in my work as a lawyer, I didn’t always consider myself a writer. It took many years for it to emerge as a real passion and part of my life.

How Meditation Led to Writing

If I never started meditating, there’s a good chance that I never would have discovered this meaningful pastime at all. As I have explained before, meditation helped me create the mental space that was necessary to recognize some of my copious thoughts as ideas. Over time, I also cultivated self-compassion and became more aware of latent judgments, so I could get ideas on the page.

Then, finally all the time sitting in meditation and the benefits it imparted convinced me of something fundamental: using some of my time to please myself was worthwhile. This helped me get over all the fears about writing being a “waste of time” or “too much work” or that “nobody would care.”

The Interview Discussing Mindfulness and Writing

I was fortunate to get a chance to discuss all of these things and more with fellow writer and coach, Shonda Ramsey. I met Shonda online when I saw her searching for self-published authors. Writing my first book was a great experience and one that has led to many other wonderful opportunities in my life.

I was glad to get to talk to Shonda about it and explain how mindfulness and creativity are interconnected. I was also pleased to discuss the fact that writing, a traditionally lonely endeavor, was something that led me to cultivate greater community. In fact, I was proud to share that I got help from a book coach to make the leap from blogger to author quickly.

How to Watch or Listen to the Interview

If you are interested in writing or wonder what mindfulness can do to help you get more creative in life, check out the full interview on the Dear Indie Author podcast. You can listen online, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify or watch the interview on YouTube here:

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

4 Heart Practices that Lawyers Should Know

Cover image with picture of four hearts and title that says "4 Heart Practices That Lawyers Should Know"

It’s Valentine’s Day this week, so it is only natural for my mind to be thinking about hearts. In this case, I am thinking about the heart practices or Brahma Viharas. I talk about loving-kindness practice here a lot because it is a wonderful practice for cultivating kindness and reducing judgment.

What are the Four Heart Practices?

In traditional Buddhism, though, loving-kindness is just 1 of the 4 heart practices that support good conduct and overall well-being. Each practice is unique but they all reinforce each other too. Lawyers or anyone who regularly deals with stress or conflict can gain a lot from working with them together.

Keep reading to learn more about the heart practices:

  • (1) loving-kindness;
  • (2) sympathetic joy;
  • (3) compassion; and
  • (4) equanimity.
Image showing four heart practices discussed in the post which are beneficial to lawyers: loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity

1. Loving-Kindness

Loving-kindness or metta as it is traditionally called is done to generate friendliness and a good nature towards oneself and others. And when I say “others” here, I mean it as broadly as possible. As I have explained before, loving-kindness practice is done by bringing individuals and then groups to mind and sending them wishes of well-being.

Language here is flexible but the traditional phrases are:

  • May you be happy;
  • May you be healthy;
  • May you be safe;
  • May you be at peace.

Traditionally, this practice starts with oneself and expands outward to extend kindness to literally all beings.

There are many applications for this practice but the most common reason for doing the practice is to cultivate kindness for everyone, including you. With time, the practice serves as an antidote to judgment and anger, a foundation for greater mindfulness, and a gateway to the other heart practices.

Image explaining loving-kindness, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

2. Sympathetic Joy

Sympathetic joy or “mudita” does not tend to get as much attention in my experience, but it is increasingly important these days. Anyone suffering from social comparison, jealousy, or in a competitive field can benefit from this practice. Yes, this of course means lawyers and most working professionals. That is because mudita is about cultivating joy in response to the well-being of others.

Mudita is commonly practiced with the same structure as loving-kindness but the phrases may be slightly different. Common sympathetic joy meditation phrases include:

  • May you be happy;
  • May your happiness continue;
  • May you appreciate your joy; and
  • I am happy for you.

As I discussed when I shared the interview of Tom Bussen, author of Enlightened Self-Interest, this practice can reduce jealousy, greed, and the impacts of living in a hyper-competitive culture.

Image explaining sympathetic joy, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

3. Compassion

Compassion, or “karuna” as it is called in Sanskrit, is another essential heart practice. Unlike loving-kindness and sympathetic joy, compassion is about cultivating kindness in the fact of difficulty. As I have explained before, compassion isn’t truly an emotion but is instead a response to suffering.

Compassion is also distinct from empathy. It goes beyond merely feeling someone’s suffering, though common feeling is often part of the experience. Instead, compassion arises when we are aware of suffering and wish or act to do something to alleviate it.

I find that compassion is often specific to circumstances so I offer a variety of phrases that might work to practice compassion in meditation:

  • May you be free of suffering 
  • May you be safe and well in the midst of all this 
  • May you live with ease and with kindness in the midst of this 
  • May you be at ease with the changing conditions of my life 
  • May you open to this pain with gentleness and compassion 
  • May all who experience this particular suffering be held in kindness 
  • May the suffering of this world be met with compassion 
  • I care about you. 
  • Your suffering matters to me 
  • I see your suffering; it is hard.

It would likely become unwieldy to try to use all of these phrases, so it may be better to select 3 or 4 and work with those. Over time, you can change or substitute in phrasing to suit your needs. In addition, practicing compassion in sitting meditation is only the start. With time, this practice may support more compassionate conduct in life.

Image explaining compassion, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

4. Equanimity

Equanimity, or “upekkha”, is a trait that can be and often is cultivated with ordinary mindfulness practices. Put simply, it is non-reactive stability in the face of change, difficulty, and uncertainty. Learning to sit and be with experience when you do a practice like breath focus or body scan can help you cultivate a foundation of equanimity that supports overall mindfulness and well-being.

Equanimity is also important from a heart perspective, though, because it is essential for balancing kindness, joy, and compassion. Recall that kindness does not mean just being “nice” and compassion does not mean sacrificing oneself in all cases. Equanimity supports healthy boundaries and clarity about our role in a given situation or relationship.

Like compassion above, equanimity might be affected by context. Here are a selection of phrases that you could use to cultivate equanimity in meditation:

  • All beings are responsible for the suffering or happiness created by their own actions;
  • May you find peace exactly where you are;
  • No matter how I might wish things to be otherwise, things are as they are;
  • I care for you, but I cannot control your happiness and unhappiness;
  • May we all accept things as they are;
  • I wish you happiness but cannot make your choices for you; and
  • I can allow what is here and offer what is needed.
Image explaining equanimity, one of the heart practices discussed in the post which is beneficial to lawyers

Conclusion

When done on their own, each of the individual practices has much to offer lawyers and other professionals. Over time, though, exploring all of the practices together can strengthen and stabilize the heart, body, and mind. Relationships are an essential part of living a good life and the four heart practices, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity, can support us as individuals in relation to other people. As you think about hearts this Valentine’s Day, think about the four heart practices too.

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Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl Show May Do More than Entertain

Cover image with title that says "Kendrick Lamar's Super Bowl Show May Do More Than Entertain"

I am not a football fan but there is one team I am rooting for big time at the Super Bowl this year: team Kendrick and Sza. Yes, you got that right, I am going to watch the game for the halftime show. I did the same thing on Christmas Day with Beyonce and that did not disappoint.

As a kid who grew up in the 90’s, I have always listened to rap. My taste in music, though, tends to be eclectic so rap has never become my mainstay. Though I am late to the party on this one, I am a fan of Kendrick Lamar. I’m planning to see him on tour later this year and I am really excited to see what he does in the Super Bowl.

Kendrick Lamar Is an Insightful Musician

As I have written before, Kendrick Lamar does more with his music than offer beats and bops. He shares his struggles, his thoughts, and his critiques. He even faces issues, like mental health, that many other musicians wouldn’t touch.

Kendrick is riding high after his musical battle with Drake, his stint atop the charts over the summer and his recent sweep at the Grammy awards for “Not Like Us.” He also has a new album, released in December: GNX. (paid link) I thought the album was insightful since it appeared to be a reflection and an effort to reset after the diss track battle with Drake.

Kendrick Lamar’s Latest Album Offers Lessons about Anger

As a lawyer who sometimes gets into squabbles with others in my profession, I couldn’t get help but notice what Kendrick had to say on GNX with respect to anger. Though this latest album appeared intent on avoiding mentioning Drake by name, it clearly referenced the battle. More significantly, though, I thought it illustrated a few great strategies for moving on from anger. These include:

  • identifying what the anger is protecting;
  • remembering who you are;
  • recalling your place in community; and
  • letting go and having fun.

I was lucky to get a chance to write about this for my blogger friends at the Tattooed Buddha. You can check out the full article here.

Expect Kendrick Lamar to Put on a Great Show

Since fun and connection is an important lesson from Kendrick Lamar’s latest album, I hope you enjoy it. Concerts and sports are great opportunities for relaxing and connecting with community. If you look a bit deeper, though, sometimes performers offer insights and lessons that do more than provide a soundtrack for a party. I’m watchin tomorrow in eager anticipation because Kendrick Lamar is one of those artists.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Stop Doomscrolling: 5 Essential Steps

Blog post cover image with title How to Stop Doomscrolling: 5 Essential Steps

As an anxious person, I have to be cautious about the amount of news I allow myself to consume. I try my best to focus on what matters most to my work and my community. When things are out of my control, I try my best to let go. Usually, this means I don’t allow myself much time for doomscrolling.

In the last few weeks, natural disasters, political tumult, and other challenges have caused my anxiety levels to rise. To some degree, this is normal. Change leads to uncertainty and uncertainty wants to be resolved. The siren song of the internet promising endless information and quick answers is hard to resist.

The thing is that doomscrolling usually leaves me feeling more confused and anxious and it is usually a huge waste of time. In case you are experiencing this now or ever struggle with it, here are five steps that may help you stop doomscrolling.

1. Recognize That You Are Doomscrolling.

The first step to ending doomscrolling may be the hardest to implement. Many lawyers and professionals often use the internet as a tool to address anxieties about our work. We may notice an issue, feel concerned, and take to the internet to gather legal authority or facts to solve the problem.

In my experience, doomscrolling starts much the same way. I come across something alarming and then I unconsciously start searching and clicking in the hopes of finding something to make me feel better. The problem, of course, is that the internet offers ready access to information but meaning can be harder to find. This means that the searching could go on endlessly and it is likely, and often does, raise more anxieties that will need to addressed.

So what are the signs of doomscrolling? It can vary for each of us but the salient features I have come to recognize are: sprawling or directionless searching, an investment of time with no meaningful return, and fear or anxiety.

2. Pause and Bring Awareness to What You Are Doing.

When you start to sense that you are doomscrolling, it can be hard to stop. In the midst of relentless searching, your mind may become scattered, race towards the future, and overwhelm itself with information. To disrupt the cycle, though, you can pause and return your awareness to the present moment.

One way to do this is to literally remove your hand from the mouse or put your phone face down or ideally out of reach. Close your eyes, take a breath, and notice how your body feels. Ask yourself whether the scrolling is helping or hurting. One question I often ask myself when I find myself mindlessly scrolling or clicking around is “what am I looking for?” If I can’t answer the question, it’s a great sign that it’s time move on to something else.

3. Identify and Acknowledge the Emotion Hiding Beneath the Scrolling.

If you are sure that you are doomscrolling but are struggling to stop, you may need to get up and away from your device and proceed right on to step 5. Assuming the temptation to keep scrolling is in check, however, I find it helpful to acknowledge what caused the doomscrolling in the first place.

As noted above, when doomscrolling is happening fear or anxiety is often involved. Even when I have a good sense of the emotion, though, I find it helpful to get more specific. For example, I may note or say to myself the specific fear or concern that started my scrolling. This helps me to honor my emotions and get some distance from them.

4. Take Care of that Emotion.

If at all possible, it helps to take one moment more to do something to care for the emotions that started the doomscrolling. Where possible, avoid judging yourself for doomscrolling or being afraid. The world is complex, information is all around, and life changes fast. Given how much information is available to us all, it’s easy to get sucked into an information anxiety loop.

Recalling this fact alone may help you see the common humanity in your situation and that of other people. This is an essential element of self-compassion that can help you care for the fear that may be lurking beneath the doomscrolling. I also find it to be empowering too. Even though I may be unable to solve all (or any) of the world problems my doomscrolling revealed, I find that I am at least able to take care for myself when I am afraid.

Image with 5 tips to stop doomscrolling that are shared in the blog post

5. Do Something Useful, Pleasant, or Kind.

It is not possible to tell your mind to not think of whatever caused the anxiety and prompted the doomscrolling. The mind does not work that way. What you can do with the mind, however, is shift attention to something else. In this way, you can care for your mind and your your emotions after doomscrolling by doing something else that engages your attention.

Since doomscrolling is emotionally challenging, generally negative, and often useless, the best antidote to it is to do the opposite. Find an an activity that is useful, pleasant, kind, or ideally all three of those things. Experience has taught me that movement, creativity, getting outside and away from technology, and real human contact are the most effective answers to doomscrolling. They remind me of my present moment reality, the people and things I care about most, and my power to do good even in an imperfect and confusing world.

Conclusion

Doomscrolling happens to the best of us but it can easily make a bad situation worse. Knowing how to recognize and stop doomscrolling is an essential skill for contemporary life and challenging times. With mindful awareness and self-compassion, you can stop doom scrolling, care for the fear that started it, and put your time and energy to better use.

If you need any additional strategies for staying calm in the midst of difficulty, check out the Coping Strategies for Difficult Times ebook.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Mindful Advocacy: Interview with Medical Malpractice Attorney Kathryn Conway

Cover image for blog post entitled: Mindful Advocacy: Interview with Medical Malpractice Attorney Kathryn Conway.

Though I have had a few experiences as a lawyer on the side of the plaintiff, most of my legal career has been on the defense. Lawyers of all kinds may share certain stresses, regardless of practice area. But the demands of working as a lawyer for injured people seeking compensation can be uniquely intense. In this interview, Kathryn (“Kate”) Conway, Partner at Power Rogers and an experienced medical malpractice attorney in Chicago shares her personal experiences and insights on how mindfulness and compassion have helped her navigate the emotional complexities of high-stakes cases.

Question: Can you share a little about the emotional challenges lawyers face, particularly in cases like personal injury or medical malpractice?

Kate: Absolutely. Advocacy, especially in emotionally charged cases, can be incredibly demanding. I often work with families who’ve experienced catastrophic injuries or loss due to medical errors. Their pain and grief are palpable, and as lawyers, we feel a deep responsibility to do right by them. Early in my career, I struggled with drawing the line between caring deeply for my clients and maintaining the clarity needed to handle their cases effectively. Over time, I realized that mindfulness could help me strike that balance.

Question: How has mindfulness played a role in your work as a lawyer?

Kate: Mindfulness has been transformative. It allows me to stay present for my clients while ensuring I don’t become emotionally overwhelmed. For instance, I once handled a particularly tough case where a young family lost a loved one due to a preventable medical error. Their grief was overwhelming, and it was challenging to compartmentalize my emotions during trial preparation. I turned to mindfulness techniques, like grounding exercises and pausing to breathe, which helped me stay emotionally available for them while making sound, strategic decisions.

Image with quote that says: Mindfulness benefits both lawyers and their clients.

Question: What are some mindfulness techniques that have worked well for you?

Kate: There are three techniques I use regularly:

  1. The Power of the Pause
    Taking a brief pause during emotionally charged moments can make a big difference. Whether it’s a few seconds of deep breathing or simply stepping back to reflect, pausing helps me respond intentionally instead of reacting impulsively. For example, during contentious negotiations, I’ll take a moment to collect myself before responding. This helps me stay calm and focus on achieving the best outcome for my clients.
  2. Setting Boundaries
    It’s essential to set emotional boundaries. As lawyers, we care deeply about our clients, but their struggles aren’t ours to carry. After a particularly heavy client meeting, I’ll go for a walk or spend a few minutes journaling. This helps me process what I’ve absorbed and reaffirm my role as their advocate, not their emotional caretaker.
  3. Compassion Without Attachment
    Active listening is key. I strive to be fully present when clients express their emotions, validating their feelings without becoming entangled in them. Afterward, I often reset with a short breathing exercise or a guided meditation.

Question: Do you have any resources you’d recommend for lawyers or professionals exploring mindfulness

Kate: Absolutely! Two books I found particularly helpful are The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thích Nhất Hanh and Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. For more accessible content, I recommend the Headspace YouTube channel and The Mindful Lawyer podcast. These resources offer practical ways to incorporate mindfulness into daily life.

Question: How do you see mindfulness benefiting lawyers in their professional lives?

Kate: Mindfulness benefits both lawyers and their clients. For us, it helps reduce burnout and improves decision-making by keeping our minds clear and focused. For clients, it fosters trust and empathy in the lawyer-client relationship. At my law firm, where we handle high-stakes medical malpractice cases, maintaining clarity and emotional regulation is crucial. It allows us to advocate effectively without being overwhelmed by the stress of the case.

Image with 3 ways for attorneys to take a mindful pause as discussed in the blog post

Question: What advice would you give to lawyers looking to integrate mindfulness into their practice?

Kate: Start small. Mindfulness doesn’t have to mean meditating for hours. It could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths before walking into court or setting aside time to reflect at the end of the day. Over time, these small practices can make a big difference.

Conclusion: A Sustainable Path Forwa

Advocacy in high-stakes legal cases is demanding, but mindfulness provides a sustainable path forward. Kate’s insights show how lawyers can balance compassion with professional detachment, ensuring their advocacy is guided by strategy and care—not stress or overwhelm. Whether you’re a lawyer or navigating the challenges of life, mindfulness is a powerful tool for staying grounded and effective.

Bio: Kathryn (“Kate”) Conway, Partner at Power Rogers, is a seasoned trial lawyer specializing in personal injury and wrongful death cases. Beyond her legal achievements, Kate advocates for compassion in law through her work with nonprofits like Sarah’s Inn and Chicago Jesuit Academy. As a mentor and past President of the Women’s Bar Association of Illinois, she promotes mindfulness and empathy in legal advocacy, drawing on her experience supporting clients through emotionally challenging cases.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Craft Your Daily Meditation Practice

Cover image for blog post with title that says "How to Craft Your Daily Meditation Practice"

One of the most common questions I get as a meditation teacher is also my favorite question to ask other meditators. That question is “what does your meditation practice look like?” As a teacher, I know people are asking for guidance about what their practice should or could be.

When I am asking the question, though, I am not asking it to test the other person. Instead, I am asking it because someone’s daily practice can tell you a lot. I love seeing the variety of ways that people find to make meditation their own, so I enjoy hearing people talk about it.

Though certain lineages may have preferred meditation practices, there aren’t universally applicable rules that apply to all of us. In addition, even very experienced meditators may have to rethink or revamp their practice regimen from time to time. Here are some things to consider when crafting or reshaping your meditation practice.

1. Identify the Intention Behind Your Meditation Practice.

One of the reasons that I cannot offer a generally applicable “ideal” meditation practice is that I think meditation works best when it supports personal intentions. By this, I don’t mean that meditation must or should be a solely individualistic endeavor. I have said many times before that community is essential to meditation and that, ideally, meditation will help us engage more fully in our communities.

Even so, meditation is a long-term practice. If you are going to make the habit stick, it helps if it supports your life, values, and goals. As a result, an important first step in crafting a meditation practice is to consider your intention for meditating.

Do you want the health benefits? Do you want a time to rest? Do you want to learn better ways of managing stress? Do you want a time to check in with yourself? Do you want to relax so you can get better sleep? Whatever it is, identifying the purpose driving you can help you tailor a meditation practice.

Image with quote from the blog post that says "Meditation works best when it supports personal intentions."

2. Consider the Meditation Technique that Supports Your Intention.

Identifying your intention for practice is important because there are so many options for practice technique. Meditation practices come from a variety of spiritual lineages, secular disciplines, and include a seemingly endless number of techniques.

If your practice lasts long enough, crafting your meditation routine may include exploration of everything from breath focus, to body scan, mantra, loving-kindness, and beyond. Exploration is a great thing, but ideally your daily practice will become relatively simple, stable, and consistent.

Your specific purpose in meditating will help you decide which practice best supports your life. This may take some trial and error and experimentation. Pay attention to how you feel in practice and any changes that you may be experiencing in life. This can tell you if the practice is supporting your intention or not.

3. Decide the Frequency, Duration, and Setting for Your Meditation Sessions.

Once you have selected a practice, then you must decide how long, how often, and where to practice. Many people ask me for a minimum time they must practice to get benefits. Though I recommend starting small for those new to practice, ideally the duration of your sessions will grow over time. So, the real question is what amount of time will you, as a practical matter, meditate consistently?

That is because consistency is what transforms meditation from a pastime to a practice. As a practicing lawyer myself and a busy mom, I don’t claim to meditate every day without fail. But I meditate most days and strive for 30 minutes of daily practice. That period of time is sustainable for me long-term and it allows me to rest, connect with myself, and cultivate focus and stability.

In the same way, it helps to have a designated meditation spot which may include your meditation cushion or a comfortable chair. Meditation on the go is a necessary option for most lawyers and one I frequently use. With that said, a special spot can help to remind you of practice and settle more quickly when your meditation starts.

Image with quote that says: "People often ask for the “minimum” amount of time they must meditate to see benefits. A better question is: what amount of time will you, as a practical matter, meditate consistently?"

4. Don’t Forget to Ask for Help.

Still feel lost with all of the details regarding meditation practice? That’s normal. It could be a sign that you need some more exploration time to feel at ease in your practice. It could also be reason to consider getting more support for your practice.

Over the millennia, meditation has been taught in groups and with teachers. Technology has allowed us to learn the practice without these supports and I got my practice started without them. Whether you use guided meditations or prefer an unguided practice, starting with the help of an app (or this blog!) may be great for those of us who want to explore meditation before we commit.

For more in-depth understanding of the practices and the many shapes that meditation can take, you can always explore working with a meditation teacher, taking a course, or finding a community. Even if you meditate alone most of the time, getting help and support may instill confidence that you have a practice that supports your life.

Image that shares the 4 tips for crafting a meditation practice shared in the blog post

Conclusion

There are many effective ways that you can structure a daily or regular meditation practice. If you practice meditation for long enough, you are bound to find that your practice will shift and change with time. Whether you are new to meditation or are experienced and looking for a change, this post is offered to help you evaluate your daily practice to ensure it continues to benefit your life.

If you want some immediate help for your practice, check out the Resources page and our guided meditations. In particular, these downloads may be helpful in shaping a practice that works for you:

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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