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Mindfulness and Your Top 5 Mental Patterns Revealed

Even if you aren’t a Spotify user, you probably heard about the Wrapped year-end reviews last week. Wrapped is a feature that summarizes the year in audio for Spotify users. It lists your top artists, top songs, and this year even provides a listening age.

As I heard friends and contacts share stories about this, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if our minds had a similar feature. What would it be like if, each year, we got a list of our top 5 mental patterns?

What If You Got a Yearly Report of Your Mental Patterns?

What if our minds generated some kind of fun video for us to watch and play back our inner audio over the past year? I can’t decide if I would want to watch this video or not. When it comes to music, it can be fun to reflect on the albums and songs that made your year. Thoughts and emotions, though, can be another matter.

In truth, learning about your mental patterns and repetitious thoughts is one of the principal benefits of mindfulness practice. Once you practice meditation enough, you can generate your own mental version of the Spotify Wrapped.

Mindfulness Can Help You Identify Your Top 5 Mental Patterns

Mindfulness practice may help you learn what your top 5 mental tendencies are. For instance, after more than 10 years of meditation, I know that my top 5 usually includes: (1) planning; (2) worrying; (3) wondering; (4) spacing out; and (5) writing. Seriously, my mind is often writing when I meditate whether I am trying to write something or not.

You start to catch repetitious nasty internal phrases. Again, mine include: (1) you aren’t good at this; (2) you will fail; (3) nobody likes you; (4) I’m so embarrassed; and (5) why doesn’t everyone recognize how amazing I am?

Meditation may even help you learn that emotional reactions are part of larger patterns. All my years meditating have helped me see that my top 5 challenging emotions are: (1) anxiety; (2) fear; (3) doubt; (4) anger (that’s hiding anxiety); and (5) loneliness/alienation.

On the flip side, mindfulness practices also helped me see that my top 5 positive emotions are: (1) generosity; (2) humor; (3) compassion; (4) courage; and (5) creativity. This means that sometimes meditation can help us see and embrace our wholesome qualities.

Image listing an example of top 5 mental patterns revealed by mindfulness practice as shared in the blog post

Seeing the Mental Patterns Is Hard but Worthwhile

Unlike the Spotify Wrapped, which usually may be fun or at least funny to see, reckoning with these inner mental and emotional patterns can more of a gut check. Even so, it is worth it because awareness that something has become a pattern provides important information.

1. You Can Take Them Less Personally.

First, seeing your patterns with mindfulness helps you to take things less personally. In the moment, our thoughts and feelings can seem to be really big and important. Mindfulness practice helps you see these incidents as part of a pattern. This helps you zoom out in terms of perspective. You can see an incident as a data point and watch for where your reaction leads instead of being mired in all the messy details.

2. You See How You Can Change the Pattern.

Second, this broader perspective produced in meditation can create the clarity needed to change the pattern. As I have written before, it is exceptionally hard to change habits and patterns. Yet, one of the things that can help us do so is by taking a good clear look at where they lead. Mindfulness can help us see this and it gives us the opportunity to take the steps to make a change.

3. You Gain Motivation to Change the Pattern.

Finally, seeing the reaction or behavior as a pattern helps you appreciate its impact. As I mentioned, changing habits is hard work. It takes discipline and thoughtfulness and a whole lot of self-compassion. In many cases, it can feel daunting even to try to make a change. But, when you see that something is part of a pattern, you can see that it’s not just a singular incident.

In this way, you can see the connection between your singular reaction and the broader state of your life. You can see how your behavior today leads to the circumstances you will face tomorrow and potentially for months and years to come.

Mindfulness Can Help You See Patterns and Change Your Life

As I shared above, I have always struggled with fear and anxiety. It arose in nearly every situation for me. To be honest, it still arises in many situations today. Mindfulness practice helped me see that my anxiety was not just the product of my immediate conditions, but was instead part of a bigger pattern.

Once I saw this, I was in a position to see how much anxiety detracted from my life and kept me from the things I wanted. This was a painful acknowledgement, but it is what motivated me, in very slow and small steps, to change.

For this reason, it is understandable why we all love to hear about our top song, artist, and album lists at the end of the year. Reflecting on our patterns can be a fun thing to do in the case of our music and media choices. It can remind us of the songs that made our years great or helped us cope with a challenging year.

Image that asks the sort of scary question "what would your top 5 mental patterns of the year be?"

At the Year End, Consider Noting Your Top 5 Mental Patterns Too

In the case our minds, taking stock of our patterns can be an interesting exercise too. When it comes to mental patterns and inner reactions, though, seeing things clearly can be a bit more complex. Unlike the Spotify Wrapped, noting the top thoughts or patterns that consume our mental energy can be a bit more challenging.

Even so, I think it is still worth it. Most of us will forget our Spotify Wrapped within a week after we see them each December. Once mindfulness practice helps you see your mental patterns, though, it is hard to forget what they are. It not only opens up new possibilities for change. It also creates a little more space for self-kindness.

At the end of the year, while you are compiling your top lists, it may be interesting to consider your top 5 mindfulness lists too. What occupied your mind most this year? What mental patterns were the most frequent for you? What common phrases played in your mind on a loop?

I don’t promise that reflecting in this way is as fun as seeing your Spotify Wrapped, but when viewed with mindfulness and self-compassion, it may open up fresh possibilities for the new year.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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How to Disrupt the Habit of Beating Yourself Up

This is the line I often hear when I present about self-compassion: I know that it’s better to be kind to myself but I just can’t do it. People, especially lawyers, tell me that the habit of criticizing themselves is so ingrained that they see it as a part of their character.

This is a common struggle and I have personally experienced how painful it can be. Though it can indeed be a challenge, it is possible to change even well-established habits like self-criticism over time. I know because I have done it.

Beating Yourself Up Is a Habit.

I started meditating a decade ago after I developed postpartum depression following the birth of my first daughter. It took me years to understand the situation but I eventually realized that my problem was a persistent failure to comfort myself. Thus, looking back on my life, I now see that my instances of depression occurred, in part, because I had a limited ability to handle setbacks.

After stabilizing with therapy and medication, meditation helped me address the root cause of the problem because I started to change my inner voice and the way I responded to difficulty. Where I used to attack and criticize myself, meditation helped me see hardship as a part of life and learn to care for myself through it. This didn’t make life perfect, but it made the hard aspects of life a lot less hard.

This experience shows that self-compassion isn’t a character trait, but instead a habit or a skill that can be cultivated with practice. Research shows that I am right too. Here are five strategies that can help you disrupt your self-criticism habit to build the skill of self-compassion.

Reframe Self-Criticism as a Habit

The first step to changing the habit of beating yourself up is to accept it as a habit. Many people are so accustomed to being hard on themselves that they may see this as something they can’t change. Mindfulness practice may help you see that identity is not a static thing. Instead, it is often the product of our habits.

Thus, a small thing you can do to start treating yourself more kindly, is to start viewing your treatment of yourself as a behavior. Instead of seeing it as a manifestation of who you are, see it as a thing you do. Notice when it arises, consider where and how the behavior emerged, and then ask is it helping your or hurting you now?

Pause and Notice How You Feel

This leads right into the next step. How do you know if beating yourself up is helping you or hurting you? One way is to notice how it feels when you do it. Lots of people think that they can’t unwind the habit of self-criticism because they notice how often they beat themselves up.

In reality, this noticing is a great start. Even if you intend to try a gentler approach, the odds are that you will eventually slip up and berate yourself. Don’t add on by berating yourself about that mistake. Instead, notice the words are that are coming to your mind or out of your head. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice what it makes you want to do.

Seeing the impact of our habits is what gives us the power to evaluate whether they are serving us or not. As hard as it is, noticing exactly what occurs when we beat ourselves up may be a first step to letting go of the habit.

Practice Makes Perfect.

Even if you know nothing about self-compassion, meditation may help you cultivate it for a fundamental reason. Anyone who meditates knows that the mind will wander or get lost in thought. The nearly universal instruction for responding to this is to gently return your attention back to the breath or other focal point.

This gentle redirection, practiced over and over again, cultivates self-compassion. In fact, when I teach compassion I describe as “sneaky self-compassion” because it can happen without much effort and transform your inner voice subtly over time.

The good news, of course, is that this sneaky self-compassion can be practiced outside of meditation too. If you do anything moderately challenging and repetitive, you can use this gentle redirection approach to cultivate self-compassion and enjoy your pastime better.

Best Friend Test.

Now, I bet you are wondering if I still think self-compassion is the way to go even when you make a mistake or act badly. In fact, I think self-compassion is most important in times like those even though it also the most challenging.

When you screw up or act in a way that is not aligned with your values, self-compassion will not come naturally. Your brain very likely will go into self-judgment mode before you can stop it. When you see this happening, a good question to ask is “how would I react if my best friend did the same thing?”

When I say “best friend” here, I mean your ride or die friend. This is the person you love but you can also be real with when it matters. If your best friend did something wrong, you wouldn’t necessarily hide it, but you may also help them get back on their feet so they can make amends.

You may have to use the best friend test like a mantra for a while until this idea sinks in and starts to feel normal. But once it does, you may be amazed at how quickly your inner voice goes into “wise coach” mode instead of that dreaded inner critic.

Notice the Performance Benefits

The last step in the process is the best one. This is where you get to notice the difference between a response with self-compassion in comparison to living without it. Let’s say you face a setback, challenge, or mistake and you don’t beat yourself up. Perhaps you just deal with the issue or maybe you treat yourself with kindness to help yourself through it.

If this happens, don’t breeze past it. Instead, pause for a moment and take note. Notice if the situation was made easier by your response. Notice if you feel proud of how you handled it. Notice if your performance was in any way enhanced by treating yourself with kindness instead of contempt.

This celebration phase is where you lock in self-compassion as a habit because you can see the benefits. It’s also a great time to reflect on times like these for personal development because it may remind you that even entrenched habits can be changed.

Conclusion: Beating Yourself Up Is a Habit You Can Change

If you habitually beat yourself up, you aren’t alone. It is a common response to setbacks, mistakes, and challenges, especially for high-achievers like lawyers. Self-criticism, though, isn’t common because it is the only option. Instead, it is common because habits are easy to form when we aren’t paying attention. With awareness, time, and the strategies above, you can disrupt the habit of beating yourself up and replace with self-compassion.

If you want to study this more, check out our Heart of Loving-Kindness Practice Guide or some of our Guided Meditations. This one about being gentle with yourself during meditation practice is a perfect example of “sneaky self-compassion”. You can find it on Insight Timer or here:

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Supported Fish Pose with Self-Kindness Guided Meditation

Cover image of woman doing restorative yoga with title of blog post "Supported Fish Post with Self-Kindness Guided Meditation"

It’s a long holiday weekend. If you’re lucky, that means some extra time for rest and relaxation and enjoying the last days of summer. Some of us have no trouble resting when we get the chance, but if you are anything like me it can be a struggle. That’s why I am sharing this guided meditation.

It’s really easy to get caught in habits, whether they support the life we want or not. For lawyers, the habit that can impede quality rest is that of being busy. We have jam-packed schedules, numerous obligations, and full lives. This can make it hard to spot the nooks and crannies in our schedule for ease and rest and take advantage of them when they come.

Some of Us Need Help Resting and This Guided Meditation Can Help

The other problem for lawyers, of course, is that even physical rest can feel uncomfortable because our minds don’t stop. As a long-time overthinker, I know that this struggle is very real.

So what’s my answer? First, it is important to learn to just stop and take a few minutes for oneself. Second, though, it helps a lot to honor and connect with the body. In general, it’s the quickest way to feel better both physically and mentally. Third, I really like playing with my mindfulness practice to find what works just for me. As someone trained to teach meditation, yoga, and compassion, this has often meant combining practices.

A Guided Meditation Combined with Restorative Yoga

I used all of these ideas in the new guided meditation I am offering today. In the practice, there is a guided reflection on rest and it’s role in our lives. This practice is not merely a mental exercise but also incorporates a classic restorative yoga pose: supported fish to help the body relax and rest. And third, it’s certainly a playful exploration of the intersection between meditation and yoga.

Labor Day is about honoring the American worker with a day of rest. I’m sharing this meditation with you today as an additional support in your quest to rest this long weekend. If you want to try it out, check it out here or on the YouTube channel.

Another Guided Meditation Option to Help You Rest

If you like this practice and want another, you might check out my most popular video, the Legs Up the Wall Guided Meditation too. This one uses another classic restorative yoga pose: legs up the wall. You can use a cushion to support your back and hips but in truth no props are required at all. This meditation teaches a variety of ways to focus on the breath so you can learn while you rest.

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