Cover image for blog post about how mindfulness can help you identify a word for the new year

Last week, I wrote about how much I enjoy reflection around the turn of the year. This year, I am especially reflective because I am also about to start a role at a new firm. When identity is shifting, it is normal to consider the past and reevaluate goals for the future.

Many of my friends have been sharing their “words of the year” or “in and out lists” on social media. Though I enjoyed seeing my friends’ thoughts , I felt a bit at a loss about what to make of this for myself. How do I pick a word or theme of the year when I am heading into something new and have no idea what the future would hold?

Step 1: Start Where You Are.

As I do in many other things, I decided to start exactly where I was. Over the last few weeks, I have been struggling a bit. Though I am ecstatic about the new opportunity, I was struggling to feel excited. Of course, any new role is bound to inspire nerves, but that wasn’t my problem.

My struggle was letting go of the past. I kept thinking of the past year, the ways in which it was hard, and the mistakes I had made. As a perfectionist overthinker, it occurred to me that this struggle often resulted from my patterned thinking.

I attended an event this week where I finally gave voice to this feeling. The group was sharing our word or theme of the year and I announced during my turn that I needed help selecting a word. I said “what’s the word for getting rid of the good girl voice in your head? That’s my word.”

Image with quote about picking a word for the new year and the value of reflection through mindfulness

Step 2: Look for Clues about What You Need.

Condolences and commiseration was offered and ideas where shared, but a single word did not reveal itself to me. I then posed the same question in a post on LinkedIn. Some people offered funny comments that made me smile. A few offered words like “liberation”, “fearless” and “empowerment.”

Those are good words but they felt too heavy and could lead back into the striving and perfectionism with which I had been struggling. But a few people suggested that being a good girl isn’t a bad thing and wondered about a less aggressive way of approaching the problem.

That is a fair point. Sure, I get frustrated with my “good girl” voice a lot because she judges and pushes me hard. But she has led me to some good things, like founding this blog and writing two books for instance. Moreover, I have learned that sitting with some “undesirable” tendencies, like anger, is actually the best way to prevent them from causing harm.

Asking for Help Is Good but Stay Focused on What You Need

Is there a middle way when it comes to the “good girl” voice that causes me so much suffering? To answer this question, I put on my “mom” hat. I am the mom of two little girls. I know for a fact that they want to be good but they sometimes get ornery, fight, argue, and get mean and nasty. As a mom, I have learned that this often happens because they have a need that’s not being met.

What if I applied this idea to my “good girl” voice who had been very ornery as of late? What could it be that my “good girl” in my head needs but isn’t getting?

Another thing I have seen some of my friends do around the New Year is go to vision board classes. They clip out pictures from magazines and arrange the ones that speak to them on a big board to reveal their longings and aspirations.

I have done these with friends but the exercise didn’t mean a lot to me. Why? Well, I am not a visual thinker. Images don’t do it for me in general. I am, however, a very auditory thinker. Applying the vision board concept to sound, I considered the “Year in Review” playlist on my music app.

Image with tips from mindfulness for picking a word for the new year

Step 3: Nonjudgmentally Evaluate Your Clues

It included songs like “Float” by Janelle Monae, “Chvrch Girl” and “Cuff It” by Beyonce, “Bejeweled” by Taylor Swift, “Trustfall” by Pink, and all of the Barbie soundtrack. Does this sound like the playlist of a “good girl”? Or does it sound like the playlist of a girl who wants to have fun?

Bingo. And there we have it. The word of the year for 2024 is “fun.” I don’t need to get rid of the “good girl” at all. Instead, I need to let her have some fun.

Why did it take me so long to get there? It seems obvious in retrospect. Lawyers, including me, don’t always trust fun. We trust hard work, clarity, and discipline a lot more. For this reason, proclaiming “fun” the word of the year is like announcing you are taking an indefinite vacation.

Keep Things in Perspective

But let’s remember the context here. Picking a word of the year doesn’t mean you’ll only get the word you picked. Life is not that simple. Instead, I see it more as a guidepost. I know life will not only be fun in 2024. Even so, I can be on the lookout for life getting too tense and I can be creative about bringing in more fun.

In addition, recall that the thing that prompted me to think about this was the “good girl voice” who is so hardworking, highly motivated, and relentless that she drives me nuts. Given that she has taken up residence inside my brain, will a little bit of fun really cause me to shirk all effort and discipline?

Doubtful. What it might do, however, is help me remember the ways in which discipline, work, and pursuing goals can also be fun. It might also remind me how to look for fun even when things seem bleak and how to bring more fun into my community.

Conclusion

That’s how I figured out my word of the year. First, I took stock of where I was. Then I looked for clues about what I needed, including from my community. Finally, I nonjudgmentally evaluated to identify the single word that could help me rebalance in the new year.

Do you pick a word of the year or do any other kind of new year’s reflection? If you want to think about this more, check out the video from our past event “A Vision for the New Year and Guided Meditation”. Whether you do or not, I hope that you have a “good” and “fun” year in 2024.

Image asking what is your word of the year to prompt mindfulness and reflection

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

Like this post? Subscribe to the blog here or follow us on social media:

Cover image for blog post about new year's resolutions v. reflections

This is the time of year when lots of people start New Year’s resolutions. At the same time, you are also bound to see a plethora of folks taking to social media to proclaim that resolutions are a scam.

I’m not big on resolutions, so I can understand the skepticism. You can’t just decide one day to be different. Instead, as we all know, it takes consistent action over time to make real change. But this realism, accurate though it may be, isn’t entirely complete.

As I have written about several times, Dry January is a part of my annual traditions. In years past, I have also successfully started or refreshed habits relating to nutrition, meditation, fitness, and personal hobbies in January.

January Is Arbitrary but Not Capricious.

Of course, January is an arbitrary time to start a habit. Anyone who watched their January resolve fade to oblivion by February knows this. Even so, other arbitrary deadlines have helped to motivate me too. As I shared last year, I set a goal to write my first book before my 40th birthday. I knew there was no reason that this had to happen but I got it done.

So I have to ask: is the impetus to set a resolution in January really so arbitrary? I don’t believe it is. Obviously, I’m aware that time is a construct and the calendar is a human creation. Though the month January and the concept of the new year may be somewhat made up, they signify something that is 100% real: the passage of time.

Resolutions are popular in January because the start of a new year is bound to prompt reflection on the past one. In that reflection, you may notice patterns in your behavior and consider ways of doing things better. And you may think about how quickly time passes and habits form, sometimes without our awareness, if we don’t take action to disrupt them.

A quote about the significance of the new year and why reflections are important

Reflections and Resolutions Aren’t the Same.

This is what has always been so motivating to me. As a lawyer who wears too many hats, it is certainly good advice to “pick your battles” in life and to consider your energy and appetite for change. At the same time, though, the question “if not now, when?” can be a hard to answer to yourself year after year about something that matters to you.

Over time, some of the healthy habits I started in new years past have lapsed, so I don’t claim to be a magician. But the fact that January helped me find motivation to return to good practices in the past gives me greater confidence that I can do it again.

So what does all of this mean for you? Am I telling you that resolutions are good or bad? Am I speaking out of both sides of my mouth?

New Year’s Reflections Can Help Us See Our Patterns.

My point here is that resolutions don’t work for many people for the simple reason that habit change can’t come from willpower and momentary motivation alone. New Year’s reflections, though, can help us see our habits and patterns and consider whether those patterns is helping us create the life we want.

As I have written before, I don’t believe in resolutions. Instead, I believe in small changes, gradual growth, consistent effort, and ample supports and self-compassion. With this approach, you don’t rely on early energy to carry you through to a goal. Instead, you count on that energy lapsing and create a plan for supporting yourself when that time comes.

While I appreciate the anti-perfectionist spirit inspiring many to castigate the pull to resolutions at the New Year, I think much of the rhetoric goes too far. Sure, as I have experienced, putting pressure on yourself in January to “improve” can be incredibly damaging, misguided, and ineffective.

An image with a quote about resolutions and reflections at the new year

Seeing Your Patterns Is Empowering.

On the other hand, reflecting on your past experience and seeing insights about how you can take better care of yourself in the new year is different. Reflecting is merely seeing the truth. When it comes to habits and personal patterns, the truth can be hard to see. The new year offers an opportunity to consider those habits and patterns over time and therefore provides a chance to think about where we are heading in the future.

When we get a glimpse of the truth about our patterns, we get a chance to choose something different. This can allow us greater agency in life and, in my experience, more happiness and peace.

For all of these reasons, I’m skeptical of New Year’s resolutions as much as anyone else. But I proudly say that I love New Year’s reflections. They have served me well in the past and have helped me create a better future for myself. Whether you are resolving, reflecting, or just being this January, I hope you have a wonderful 2024.

Want Some Help for Your Reflections?

If you are interested in doing some New Year’s reflection, check out our Resources page. The Meditation Habit Worksheet and the Pause and Begin Again e-book may help you start or refresh your meditation practice. The Personal Well-Being Worksheet is designed to help you consider personal practices to support your well-being. If you need some community to support yourself in 2024, check out our Events page with new (and free) guided meditation events.