Acceptance is one of the hardest aspects of mindfulness training for lawyers to learn. Or at least this has been the hardest part for me. Many lawyers, myself included, are control freaks and for good reason.
Attorneys have immense power to shape the destiny for clients. You can solve a problem with a phone call. You can craft a strategy that may protect your client’s life, family, or business. You have specialized training and experience that positions you to see subtle things that others miss.
Inevitably, though, situations arise in which your control is limited. This can be shocking, frustrating, and painful for lawyers. The good news is that mindfulness practice is directed at helping us accept things in life we cannot control. This post explains how.
Breathe and pause
When lawyers face a situation beyond our control, it can trigger a variety of emotional responses. We may feel frustration, imposter syndrome, overwhelm, helplessness, or anxiety. We may worry what our clients or firm will think and feel like we are letting everyone down.
These experiences are challenging in themselves, but more significantly can derail our legal strategy if they are left unchecked. Ever seen a fellow lawyer react emotionally and make unforced errors as a result? As a litigator, I have seen this too many times.
The first step for dealing with a lack of control as a lawyer is to take a pause. When you notice the emotions rising, in the form of body tension, heat in your face and neck, or rapid spiraling thoughts, stop what you are doing.
Take a few moments to sit. If you have a mindfulness practice, using a mindfulness practice, such as breath focus, may also help. Notice that you are escalated and take some time to soothe yourself and calm down. If you are very escalated, a walk or mindful movement practice may help too.
Allow your feelings
Once you have calmed down sufficiently, the next step is to allow your feelings. When lawyers confront a lack of control in our cases, it can sometimes raise an inconvenient secondary problem: a lack of control over our emotions.
The thing is, though, that emotions aren’t really things we are supposed to control. From the perspective of mindfulness, we can’t force ourselves to feel any certain way or to stay calm and never feel at all.
Instead, the better approach is to honor our emotions so we can understand the wisdom they have to offer. The key is to do this without letting them force us into harmful actions.
Practices to Help Lawyers Allow Emotions
To that end, when emotions arise for lawyers, it is important to learn to allow them in a safe and kind way. One approach that works for me is to simply feel them in the body. Usually when I can do this, I can recognize the emotion better and keep my mind from spiraling too much.
Another great approach is to use a practice like RAIN that can help you allow and investigate emotions calmly. If I am struggling with self-judgment about my emotions, I invoke the self-compassion step common humanity to remind myself that all lawyers experience difficulties in cases from time to time.
For complex emotions, you may need some additional time to reflect, seek help from friends, or even write to understand how you feel. Though this step can be hard to do, it is one that can help lawyers care for themselves while maintaining stability in a challenging situation.
Reflect on past experiences
When lawyers face a lack of control in our cases, our own emotions are only half of the problem. Even once we have returned to calm, we still have to craft a strategy for continuing to serve our clients in the midst of a complex situation.
One problem that can arise when you approach the limits on your control as a lawyer is that your mind may begin spinning false stories. It may tell you that the situation is hopeless. It may shame you or attempt to blame others. It can get stuck in outrage and scheming about revenge.
The antidote to this that works for me is to remember my past experiences. As a seasoned lawyer, I am fortunate (or unfortunate?) to have a collection of memories where my own control was limited in past cases. And you know what? My clients and I got through those situations just fine.
In many ways, law practice is about being flexible enough to navigate situations with clients in rapidly changing circumstances. Reflecting on past times where I did this successfully helps me remember how creative, resourceful, and resilient I am when needed. It inspires hope, determination, and calm.
For newer lawyers who don’t have a ready bank of memories like this, it may help instead to seek counsel and support from more experienced lawyers. Another option that I sometimes use is to look to stories from other inspirational lawyers from contemporary times or history.
Shift Attention to What You Can Control
Lawyers sometimes misunderstand what “acceptance” means in the context of mindfulness practice. People misinterpret it frequently to mean resignation, apathy, or giving up. While in some ways, surrender is a part of acceptance that does not mean succumbing to helplessness.
Wisdom and discernment are also part of acceptance. Sure, acceptance in law practice means truly acknowledging that there are some aspects of our client matters that we cannot control.
Lawyers can’t control what a judge, hearing officer, or other party does. In some situations, we can’t even control our clients. The best we can do is counsel and advise, but clients ultimately make their own choices.
But the fact of limits on our control does not mean that we have no control. When we accept a lack of control in one area, the good news is that it allows us to direct our attention more specifically to what we can control.
How to Shift Attention to What You Can Control
This for lawyers is the gold buried underneath all the angst that a lack of control creates. When we can wade through the frustration, anxiety, and anger, we can see more clearly that we still have some power.
Shifting attention to what we can control as a lawyers is how we reclaim that power. In my opinion, this is the space where we can offer the most value to clients. Though there are roadblocks, we may recall the things still within our power to move through or around those roadblocks.
Some ways to do this include answering questions like this:
- What is the best strategy I can create to navigate the setback in this case?
- What things are still within my power to help and guide my client?
- What resources, including other staff, are within my power to help and guide my client?
- Assuming I could still achieve a great result for my client despite the difficulty so far, how might I achieve it?
- What unique skills, traits, or assets do I have as a lawyer to help my client in this situation?
A Lack of Control Is Not Easy to Accept but It Is Essential to Learn
Let’s face it. Lawyers will never enjoy it when they encounter a lack of control in their cases. Mindfulness practices, however, can help us find acceptance and peace in navigating such situations for our clients. By learning take a pause, honor our emotions, reflect on our values and experience, lawyers can return their focus to the things within their control. This can help us find stability and the courage to offer value to our clients in the times when it is needed most.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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