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Image of concert with title of post that says "No Phones, Just Presence: Mindfulness at a Phoebe Bridgers Show"

I promise that I’m not quietly turning this into a music blog. I’m still a mindfulness teacher and plan to keep writing about this topic for lawyers. In the last few months, though, I have been to a lot of concerts. They have all been wonderful, but the most recent one made a big impression. I think a big piece of it was that I didn’t have access to my phone.

I have experienced this before with shows. It’s not unheard of, but I have always regarded it as a nuisance before. After seeing Phoebe Bridgers recently, I have totally changed my tune. She took my phone at the door and I am so glad. The show was better.

This post explains why I loved not having my phone for the concert and what that can teach all of us about mindfulness.

The Downside of Giving Up Your Phone at a Concert

I have to be honest here. There are some real practical downsides of giving up your phone at a concert. Let’s start with the first big one. It takes extra time.

Though I have gone to shows before where phones had to be secured, I have never experienced this at such a large venue. At the Phoebe Bridgers concert this weekend, security guards had to secure 20,000 phones in Yondr pouches. This meant a 40-minute wait outside of the venue in light rain just to get inside.

We actually wanted to see the opening act, Alex G, so this added a little bit of anxiety to our wait. Luckily, we made it just in time but the lights were already dimmed as we found our seats.

Because I didn’t have my phone I had no flashlight to help me find my seats. This meant I had to bother other people and ask their seat number to orient myself. Fortunately, they were friendly, but it was a bit awkward.

Social media post image with quote "By the time Phoebe Bridgers played my favorite song, "Haunted" my heart was almost as big as the stadium itself. I didn't need my phone to record anything. I was never forgetting this memory."

The Benefits of Watching a Concert without Your Phone

Despite all the downsides above, I didn’t even think about my phone as soon as Phoebe Bridgers started playing. The concert was an immersive and deeply emotional experience. Her latest album, Lost Weekend, is about grief and loss, as well as the hope found on the other side of it.

It’s a deeply intimate album and I wondered walking in how it would translate in a crowd of 20,000. I was shocked to see that the crowd was as mesmerized as me as we listened to the heart-wrenching opening track “The Outside.” Yes, it had really cool light effects, but we were all listening together.

By the next song, we were all singing together. It was Phoebe Bridgers and her chorus of thousands singing along. Sometimes the lights would be so bright that you could see that you were a part of a vast sea of people singing.

By the time she played my favorite song, “Haunted” my heart was almost as big as the stadium itself. I didn’t need my phone to record anything. I was never forgetting this memory.

My daughter, who joined me and also had to go without her phone for a few hours, wasn’t either. Near the end, she randomly and suddenly hugged me. I asked if everything was okay and she said, “I’m just so happy. Thanks for taking me.”

What Does This Concert Teach Us about Mindfulness?

Of course, we all know that phones get in the way of mindfulness and being present for our lives. I think that this is the most obvious lesson to learn from this experience. Though our phones are embedded into our lives for the reasons I have already mentioned, they also offer constant distraction from our lives.

This means that we need reminders to put our phones down for a while. We may need prompting and encouragement to experiment with life without our phones. Phoebe Bridgers made us wait a little longer to get to her concert, but she gave us the gift of our own presence in the process.

But this post really isn’t about life hacks or presence-maxing. Though it can be easy to tell others to put down their phones, it can be hard to do it ourselves.

The deeper mindfulness lesson here is the reason so many people gladly waited in line to go without their phones for a few hours. What would motivate people to do something like this? Good music is clearly a draw.

Phoebe Bridgers is a great musician and her new album is stellar but you can stream it anywhere right now. Why would people take the time to go to the concert and give up their phones?

Quote that says "The word "mindfulness" really means "to remember." Sometimes we need reminders to put down our phones so we can engage fully in our lives. "

Mindfulness Is Remembering What a Concert Feels Like

The answer is community. Concerts don’t just offer live music. They offer live music experienced in a group of other fans. They give you a chance to see that you aren’t the only person signing your heart out in the car to that song that breaks your heart and then fills it up again.

We often tell ourselves that phones are how we connect with others. Most of us know, of course, that this is only partially true. Yes, phones can connect us. They can also distract us and divide us. In the worst case, they can cause us to miss beautiful moments in life or fail to fully engage with the people around us.

The concert was definitely good because Phoebe Bridgers is a stellar musician who wrote a deeply relatable album. The experience of watching the concert was something I will never forget, though, because it reminded me what really community feels like.

On our phones, we have instant and constant access to thousands of people via so many different channels. But it is not the same as standing in a crowd of thousands with a united voice. It’s not the same as sharing a few hours with others who love what you love and value what you value.

The word “mindfulness” really means “to remember.” This concert was the best reminder for me and thousands of others what connection and community really are. It was also a reminder that putting my phone down may be a first step towards finding them.

Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, A New Year’s Present, to learn about mindfulness from a heartwarming story. For a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days, try How to Be a Badass Lawyer. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.

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Editor’s Note: Eden Davis Stephens is a fellow Kentucky lawyer and a Facebook friend. As she mentions in the post below, she mentioned Stolen Focus in a Facebook post and I asked if she’d write something longer for the blog. I’m so pleased that she accepted. Welcome, Eden, to Brilliant Legal Mind.

I hit a wall last year. People-pleasing and general anxiety were no longer enough to propel me forward. I couldn’t concentrate on anything.

Information of any kind – from school fundraisers to requests from parties in cases – was burdensome. Each email or phone call was just one more thing to consider, remember, and address. I felt trapped.

As a life-long resident of the Ohio River Valley, I attempted to self-diagnosis by asking, “Is it depression, allergies, or exhaustion?”, whenever this familiar dark sensation appears. It all feels so tragically similar that this fun trio seemed to be the obvious suspect.

Upon further analysis, this usual explanation didn’t seem quite right. It felt larger than “merely” being overwhelmed by life. There was stress, but not an unusual amount. So, at first, I attempted to tackle my symptoms one by one. I had some aging-related issues to address. I finally started seeing an allergist who greatly improved the quality of my life. I leant into naps and self-care.

And yet it remained – the feeling that someone was constantly changing channels inside my head. The simplest of tasks required more and more of me to accomplish. It was unsustainable.

At last, I discovered the culprit hiding in plain sight. The last and ultimately guilty suspect was the glowing rectangle in my hand. Fortunately for me, this item was no smooth criminal because it’s very use help me discover its culpability in my predicament.

A Youtube show called “Offline”, introduced me to the author, Johann Hari, who took this topic on after a disappointing and eye-opening trip with his godson to Graceland. After watching people choose to swipe on an iPad to “see” the Jungle Room they were physically standing in he recognized a sickness creeping over all of us.

Out of this came Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention and How to Think Deeply Again. Hari begins with himself, describing a self-imposed internet detox. He was financially able to put himself up for three months in Rhode Island with an old laptop, no internet service, and no access to a smart phone. Much like any addiction, he started with some bumpy experiences, followed by a “pink cloud” of euphoria as his ability to digest long and complex books returned. When the end of his retreat grew near a wave of panic washed over him as he wondered how he could keep what he worked to regain.

Hari understands that, in our modern society, it is hard to completely detach yourself from social media platforms and internet access. He explores in the remainder of the book how one can balance this need while retaining the ability to stay focused. Hari interviews several researchers and fellow authors who have explored the algorithms of media giants, looked at macro trends across the world, and managed addictions.

Hari approached his sources with an open mind, which I appreciate in this current ultra-binary climate. He gives a thorough explanation of each person’s position and their reasoning (citing to their work in the Appendix), whether he ultimately agrees or disagrees with them. I found this rudimentary, but foundational, journalist step strangely and depressingly refreshing.

Many non-fiction books I’ve recently come across are a soft to rock hard sell of the author’s point of view. As a reader, I felt more at ease reaching an “ala carte” set of conclusions about modern technology and where it is going. Hari leans pessimistic, believing modern smart phones hasten and exacerbate the impulsive thinking and action of world leaders at a time fraught with multiple emergencies. (I, on the other hand, agree with the school of thought Hari describes – smart phones are a new technology that we can and will healthily adapt to… eventually.)

While the background to dopamine-fueling algorithms was enlightening, I was much more interested in the practical suggestions Hari provides throughout the book and summarizes toward the end. One such suggestion is an app that I now have downloaded on my phone called, Freedom.

Freedom is a VPN that blocks anything from one website to the entire internet. Much like learning to keep cookies and soda out of one’s house (ok, my house) to avoid eating or drinking these sugar-laden snacks, this app is designed to keep you from temptation. Do you have a trigger-finger for one-click Amazon purchases? A little too curious too often about what your exes are up to these days? This app helps you help yourself.

When I finished reading Hari’s book, I felt so relieved that I wasn’t alone in this struggle. Perhaps ironically, I posted to Facebook to share a summary of what I learned with friends. Within seconds people responded with similar concerns/relief that it wasn’t necessarily aging or undiagnosed ADHD.

Much like Hari, as I continue to tinker with the right amount of phone use, I have improved my own attention span. If I can, you can. I recommend Stolen Focus as a great first step in striking a better balance and improving your relationship with your smart phone.

Eden Davis Stephens is the Deputy Executive Director of the Office of Administrative Hearings where she hears cases as an administrative law judge for agencies and boards within Kentucky’s Public Protection Cabinet. When she is not fielding requests at work or requests at home, she likes decompressing with historical fiction shows that are heavy with meaningful glances & fancy costumes and light on historical accuracy.

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