As a mindfulness teacher, writer, and lawyer, I am no stranger to doubt. I used to regard it with fear and loathing. Now, I see it as my faithful friend. No matter what I do and how much I meditate, I can’t make doubt give up on me.
While that is oddly comforting in a way, it’s also super annoying. Even worse, this mental pattern of mine likes to show up at the worst possible times. If I am doing anything remotely challenging, new, or courageous, doubt chimes in at strategic moments to throw me off balance.
I’m currently working on finalizing the manuscript for my first work of fiction that I plan to publish later this year. Right on schedule, I had an attack of self-doubt this weekend.
Knowing that I am not alone with this mental habit and that my fellow lawyers share this trait, I will share the steps that I took to address my self-doubt attack.
Recognize When Doubt Arises.
Many of us know that naming emotions is really helpful. It can provide needed distance and clarity about our experience. This can help us avoid over-identifying with our fleeting emotional experiences.
This is essential for doubt. One problem with this state of mind is that it isn’t simple. Instead, doubt is a often a complex combination of emotions and thoughts. The emotions can distract, dis-empower, and stun us, while the thoughts pretend to the be the voice of reason.
As I have written before, though, doubt is a mental pattern that can rob us of motivation and courage when we need it most. This is why seeing doubt for what it is – as a mental pattern – can really help.
This may require patience to allow for sufficient time for self-investigation. However, I have come to learn that the feelings of fear, vulnerability, and overwhelm plus a series of despairing and negative thoughts are the calling cards of doubt for me. Another strong sign is that they usually show up when I about to do something meaningful, challenging, or innovative.
When I can name this melange of suckiness as doubt, I take the first step towards recovery. Though this doesn’t feel good, at least my guard is up and I know it’s time to fight back.
Lawyers May Need a Self-Care Check.
Though I’m a lawyer, I’m still a mindfulness teacher. So when I say “fight back” I use that term metaphorically. As a younger and more foolish person, my doubt would sometimes prompt me to pick fights or argue to discharge the energy created by my fear.
My older, wiser self has learned that the better way to fight doubt is to disarm it. Instead of racing to discharge the fearful energy, I put it to good use by taking care of myself.
One of the most essential steps when it comes to doubt is to do a basic audit of my self-care needs. From experience, I know that doubt comes up for me when I feel overwhelmed, afraid, tired, or isolated. Most often this happens for practical reasons.
If I am working on a big project, I may not be sleeping well. I may also be skimping on social contact. Or I may be striving in pursuit of a goal and wearing myself out.
Returning to the basics of my self-care practices, including good nutrition, rest, exercise, and social support, helps put me in a better position to face whatever challenges come up in life. They also remind me that support and care, rather than force and pressure, are the best ways to achieve the goals I set for myself.
Don’t Face Doubt Alone.
If doubt were a person, it’s ride or die best friend would be shame. These two emotional besties have worked a number on me over the years. As an introvert who loves to overthink, they kept me on the ropes until I learned a tried and true strategy for driving a wedge between them.
That strategy is asking for help. Look, I know that lawyers and other professionals may hate doing this. As competent and highly skilled people, we may see ourselves as helpers. We may feel awkward and terrible when we have to “burden” someone else with our problems.
But here’s the thing. It’s hard to challenge doubt on your own. It’s even harder when shame jumps in and make you feel like you have to hide your feelings of vulnerability. One of the only ways to cut through this is to stop hiding by asking for help.
The biggest shift I have made to get over my attacks of self-doubt is that I now share my feelings with a friend, colleague or loved one. In the past, I used to try to deal with these emotions all on my own. Though meditation is a formidable tool, social support works better and faster.
Engage Mindfulness and Allow Your Feelings.
Once you feel ready to face them, it also helps to just feel the feelings that come up with doubt. I suggest this after getting social support because these feelings can be overwhelming, but you can decide what works best for you.
Sometimes with doubt, there can be an inclination to ignore it or push it to the side. As I mentioned, these feelings can be dis-empowering and vulnerable. It can seem like they are getting in the way of our goals and the vision we have for our lives.
Even so, I have found it worthwhile to honor my feelings even when they are inconvenient and annoying. The most common way I do this is in my meditation practice where I have time and space to let the emotions rise, crescendo and fade away. Though this experience is often intense and unpleasant, I find that allowing them as they are inspires courage.
When I give myself a moment to feel fear, face anxiety, and wade through overwhelm, I remember that I am strong enough to hold all of these things. I also remember that none of these emotions last forever and that I can find calm, stability, and kindness again. Once I experience them and let them deliver whatever message they have for me, I can move on with my life.
Return to Your Place of Strength.
Another benefit of feeling emotions, even the tough ones, is that they help to clarify what matters most. As someone with anxiety, feelings of fear are common for me. I used to be afraid of these feelings until I finally flipped them on their head.
One magical day, I realized that a lot of my fear and anxiety was a confused way of expressing deep longing. I was often afraid of being alone or being judged, which signified my desire for connection. I was regularly anxious about making a mistake, which revealed my deep desire to produce good in the world and avoid harming others.
When I was able to feel the fear, I could finally see what was hiding beneath it. The things hiding there were my deepest values and the things I wanted most in life. These things didn’t make the fear and doubt go away, but they made my struggle worth it.
In other words, when doubt comes up, the answer isn’t to banish it away. The answer is not to pretend that it isn’t there. Instead, it works better to acknowledge that risk is inherent to life and connect with the values that make the risk feel worthwhile.
By reconnecting with our values and deep aspirations, we can find strength, motivation, and courage even in the face of doubt.
Doubt Is Challenging But Mindfulness Can Help You Face It.
Doubt is a common affliction for many lawyers and professionals, but it does not have to be something that holds you back. With mindfulness and self-compassion, you can learn how to recognize and care for yourself in the face of doubt. Doing so takes time, patience, and is best with social support. The good news is that it may also help you harness the strength, confidence, and motivation you need to keep pursuing goals and building the life you want.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children’s book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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